Healing Is Not Becoming Fearless. It's A Choice to Become Yourself.

What if healing isn't about becoming fearless?

What if it's about becoming you again?

So many women believe that healing means reaching a point where they never feel afraid, never doubt themselves, never get triggered, and never struggle. But what if that's not the goal at all?

In this episode, Erin explores a powerful truth: healing isn't the absence of fear—it's the return to who God created you to be.

If you've spent years walking on eggshells, questioning yourself, putting everyone else's needs before your own, or trying to become someone different in order to feel safe, this conversation is for you.

In this episode, you'll learn:

✨ Why confidence isn't the absence of fear
 ✨ How trauma can disconnect us from ourselves
 ✨ The difference between growth discomfort and actual danger
 ✨ Why boundaries help you reconnect with your identity
 ✨ How to trust yourself even when fear is present
 ✨ What it really means to come home to yourself

You don't have to become stronger, tougher, or more fearless to heal.

You simply have to remember who you are.

Because the version of you you're searching for isn't somewhere out in the future.

She's already there.

And healing is the journey back to her.

❤️ Join our free community: The Other Side of the Struggle Healing from Betrayal Trauma

📲 Follow Erin on Instagram for encouragement, healing, boundaries, faith, and practical tools to help you create a life you love.

#HealingTrauma #BetrayalTraumaRecovery #ChristianWomen #FaithAndHealing #SelfTrust #Boundaries #DivineIdentity #EmotionalHealing #TheOtherSideOfTheStruggle

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Hey Minovs, welcome back to another episode of the other side of the struggle. I'm so glad you guys are here. Last week, oh my gosh, that was a very emotional episode. Woo! Yeah, I was crying right there along with you guys. And hopefully, hopefully that touched something deep inside of you and helped you feel like you're worthy. And I hope that you were able to feel just how much you are loved in last week's episode. Because again, I really appreciate you guys personally for the patience you give me in creating these episodes and getting these episodes out. And in being human and raw often in these episodes, I really, really appreciate it. And that's why I really want to come to you guys and help you in the very best way possible and to connect with you and to help you guys grow and be a part of your growing journey. And that's why that's why healing to me is so important, is because I know that there are so many of you out there that really, really need it. But as today's episode talks about, healing isn't becoming fearless. It's literally a becoming yourself. Right? The version of you today is different. But that should be a type of, and then not to shut on you guys, I'm sorry, but like it's it's it's a type of self-growth, it's a growing into the version of yourself that God knows you are, and that does take time and takes effort, and that's what I mean when I say it's becoming yourself. So I want to talk about this idea today because I think a lot of women especially stay stuck in healing even without realizing it. And it's because there's this belief that one day we'll finally become fearless. We're gonna wake up one day and never doubt ourselves, never feel afraid, never get triggered, never get have anxiety, never second guess our decisions, right? And I get it, and I think a lot of times too, I see women waiting for someone else to heal so they finally can. I mean, I know that was the boat I was in, you know, and when somebody else heals, then maybe I can finally heal, or once I hit, you know, the never doubting myself or never being afraid again, and and never having anxiety, never second guessing my decisions, and that's how I know I'm going to be healed. But what if healing isn't actually about becoming fearless? What if healing is literally returning to yourself and becoming one with you and God, like literally becoming that one unit? Because if I'm being totally honest, I still experience fear sometimes on a daily basis, and I still have moments where I don't know exactly how something's going to work out, or even if it will, and if it doesn't, that's kind of scary. Like I said, that fear. I have really difficult conversations and things that still stretch me. And the difference is that fear no longer gets to decide, though, who I am or what I will and will not do. It simply just has a voice at the table. That I listen to what it's telling me. And that's what I really want to talk about today, because I think a lot of people, women especially, kind of approach healing as if the goal is emotional, mental, spiritual perfection, meaning that there's some end state to it. And they think when I heal, I won't be afraid anymore. I I won't I'll stop carrying what everybody else thinks, and and I'll never be hurt again, and I'll finally feel confident all the time, and trauma won't be a piece in my life anymore. But confidence isn't the absence of fear, it's trusting yourself even when fear is present. That sounds like a movie line, guys. Like it totally does, but it's true. Confidence isn't the absence of fear. Confidence is trusting yourself even when fear is present. Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's moving forward despite the fear, right? And healing is not the absence of discomfort, it's becoming so rooted in who you are and who God created you to be that discomfort is no and fear are no longer, you know, controlling your decisions. That's what healing is. It's understanding your emotions because you love yourself enough to not be afraid of them. I remember, you know, thinking, oh my gosh, I've healed from all of this trauma the day that my husband came home and told me he had been lying to me about his pornography usage. And he'd been using it a lot more than he told me. And instead of anger, like I usually felt, you know, when he had been looking at at uh at those at those pictures and whatever it was that he was looking at, but instead of anger, I felt compassion and curiosity about what he was going through that made him feel like he had to go into that, right? Like fall into that. That when I get curious about another person's perspective and not feel like my perspective is not valuable, okay. Like their perspective, if I listen to their perspective or or where they're coming from, then somehow it devalues me. That's when I knew I healed because I still held my value, I still held how I felt, I still held my worth, but I was still able to be curious with him. It wasn't a fear, it wasn't a scary thing anymore. And I knew that that was my healing right there because it was such a completely different experience, and I had to realize one of the biggest shifts I had to make was realizing that fear wasn't always a warning sign. Sometimes it simply was the evidence that I was growing. Think about it for a second. The first time you ever set a boundary with that person that you knew was just probably not gonna listen to it, or the first time you've ever had to ask for help, tell the truth, say no, apply for a job, leave an unhealthy relationship. Oh, that was a scary one. Start the business, trust yourself. Usually fear kind of tends to show up because it's asking, are we safe to do this? It's not evidence that you're doing something wrong. It's literally evidence that you're doing something new. I remember, you know, being pregnant with my first son, my first child, and being kind of fearful of what was coming, something I couldn't avoid. And even though, you know, bringing him on this side of the of the world was intense, very intense. It wasn't something I needed to fear, I realized. But when we go through it, we might find that it's kind of intense, but it wasn't as bad as what we were making it out to be. And I think that's why a lot of women mistake discomfort for danger, and because of that, they kind of retreat back into their old patterns, patterns that feel familiar, predictable, but it keeps them feeling small too. And it's a trauma cycle, it's a trauma pattern. Because when we keep falling into the same cycles and the same thought processes, we never really give ourselves permission to act outside of that cycle. That's why fear comes up. And that's one of the saddest effects in trauma is that it often teaches us to disconnect from ourselves. We stop asking questions like, what do I want? Who do I what do I need? What do I think? What do I feel? Who am I going to be? And we start asking what will make everyone else happy, what will keep the peace, what will avoid conflict, what will what will keep me from being rejected and abandoned. And before we know it, we become experts at managing everyone else's emotions while losing touch with our own. Many women don't need to become stronger, they need to reconnect with themselves. And I don't believe that healing creates a new version of you. I think healing reveals the version of you that was there all along. The real you, the true you, the you that God created, the woman God created before fear started speaking louder than the truth. The woman who trusts herself, listens to herself, values herself, respects herself, loves herself, honors her relationship with God. The woman who knows she doesn't have to earn her worth because it's already been proven by Christ's sacrifice. The woman who understands that another's person another person's choices don't determine her value. A woman who can deeply love herself without abandoning herself. That woman's there. She's just waiting for you to come home. Because she's got a home cooked meal ready for you to come feast on once you return. And that's where boundaries become so important because boundaries create a safety necessary for identity to emerge. They create safety for you to anchor into the truth of who you actually are. Without boundaries, we have to stay busy managing everyone else's expectations and emotions. And with boundaries, though, we finally have room to hear our own voice because boundaries are things like I will not abandon myself, I will honor myself and my values, I'm gonna tell the truth, I'm gonna be honest, I will respect my needs, I will listen to my emotions, I will act according to wisdom. Every boundary is an act of self-trust, and every act of self-trust strengthens your relationship with yourself. And one of my favorite things to tell my clients is your emotions are simply just the voice of your self-compassion. They're mentors, they're the bridge between your conscious and your subconscious. They're just there to get your attention, but you're the master. Fear has information for you. That's it. It has a message, but and and it deserves to be listened to, but it does not deserve to be in the driver's seat. It's a whole lot like putting an infant in the driver's seat, and you're in the backseat trying to tell it how to drive. It doesn't work that way. Because if fear drives your life, you're not only just gonna stay exactly where you are, you're probably gonna end up off a cliff. Okay, healing happens when fear speaks and wisdom answers. If fear says, what if you fail? Wisdom says, what if I learn? What if there's something in this for me? If fear says, what if people don't understand? When wisdom responds, I can be understood. I can be misunderstood. I'm okay to be misunderstood. I can survive that. And then when fear asks, what if this doesn't work? Wisdom says, I'll figure it out. I trust myself. I trust myself to do it. I think a lot of women imagine that the healed version of themselves is fearless. I don't. I think she's authentic. She's honest, grounded, compassionate, wise, and she trusts herself and God. And I think she feels like she I think she feels fear and keeps moving in the right direction anyway, because she knows who she is and she's not afraid of fear. And when you know who you are, fear loses a lot of its power in keeping you stuck in life. If you've been wanting and waiting to heal before you stop living, or start living, I should say, my loves. I hope then that this episode will give you permission to stop waiting. To start exploring and experimenting on who you truly are, the version of you that God created. You don't have to become fearless to move forward. You don't have to eliminate every doubt, and you don't have to fix every insecurity, you don't have to become perfect. You simply just need to be you. The version of you that God created. The version of you that's always been there, even underneath all that fear. So this week instead of asking, how do I become fearless? Try asking who did God create when He created me? And really get to know that person. Because healing isn't becoming fearless, it's just simply returning home to yourself. And having a deep relationship with you, a loving one. That version of you is incredible and far more beautiful than anything you could ever imagine or create on your own. You get to create this with God and let Him reveal to you what you are and who you are. Alright, my loves, if you loved today's episode, feel free to schedule that call with me. Let's get you on my schedule, working with your boundaries and your identity to help you feel alive again, help you feel like nothing's wrong with you. Alright, my loves. Until next week. I'll see you on the other side. Bye.