Boundaries with Boys, New Seasons with God

Hanaya’s aunt, who is deeply fond of and protective toward her, invites Hanaya to spend some time together before setting off on a long solo motorbike trip. At the garage, amidst the tools and bikes, the two share a meaningful conversation. Her aunt opens up about feeling frustrated over not having clarity on what God’s next step is for her. Hanaya gently offers her perspective. 

As their talk deepens, the conversation shifts to relationships—specifically, whether any boys at school have shown interest in Hanaya. With heartfelt wisdom, her aunt speaks about the importance of setting clear boundaries and urges Hanaya to never let her guard down, especially when it comes to love and purity.

Whether you’re a teen, young adult, or parent, this conversation will resonate with anyone seeking God’s direction and desiring to honor Him in their relationships.

Hanaya Oki Series:  https://superdifferent.com/hanaya 

Transcript

Hanaya 0:02

Hello!

Hanaya's aunt 0:03

Hey, hello sweetie! Just in time! Do you mind lending a helping hand?

Hanaya 0:07

There's no glory in plain, boring, ordinary work.

Hanaya's aunt 0:10

Everyone wants to go on missions and save the world, but no one wants to help mom with the dishes.

Hanaya 0:15

Hehe, but I do sometimes.

Hanaya's aunt 0:17

I know, sweetheart. Those simple little everyday offerings of help, God loves it. Here, take this cloth and wipe the dirt off this thing.

Hanaya 0:25

Okay, sure. So excited about another adventure? How long will you be away this time?

Hanaya's aunt 0:32

Six months. Actually, I have been reflecting on my experiences. I've been doing solo bike trips for five years. I love the adventure and all the cool moments that come with it. Meeting new people is awesome, and I even get to share the Gospel with some of them. Still, recently, I've been feeling kind of unsatisfied inside. It's as if I'm a kite without a string. Sometimes I'll fall asleep, but my heart feels wide awake. I have the impression that my life is a journey leading to nowhere in particular. Without a clear sense of purpose, that's exactly how it feels.

Hanaya 1:07

Well, a kite without a string can't fly. A string without a kite just lies on the ground. Both are important for the journey, right? So I think the string isn't missing. It's right there, and you are the one holding it. Give the control of the string into Jesus' hands and let Him fly you higher or lower and in any direction as He chooses. And let him anchor you to the ground when it's needed. You know, we can't pin down the Holy Spirit. The wind moves wherever it wants. It's better to always go in the direction where the wind of the Lord's spirit is blowing. If we stay where we are or take a turn without checking in with the Lord, we might end up with our kite stuck in a tree or even worse. Also, keep in mind that when we're following Lord's lead, challenges and trials can still pop up. But there's peace in our hearts because we know we are in alignment with His will.

Hanaya's aunt 2:01

Ha! I understand your point. I am always striving to fly higher. I tend to become presumptuous. I don't check in with the Lord.

Hanaya 2:08

In the Book of Hosea, God points out that people set up their own kings and princes without His input. That's pretty much what deception is, making our own plans and hoping God will endorse them. Jesus has taught me that to stay in step with Him, I need to be a lifelong listener and learner. It is when I cannot change that I become an old wineskin. Are you listening for a new song?

Hanaya's aunt 2:30

New song? What do you mean?

Hanaya 2:32

The problem is that while we may want to continue singing the old song, God might have a new song for us. What I mean is that we can sometimes pigeonhole or limit ourselves, to a specific area of interest or a familiar niche. It's possible that we were led there by God in a previous season, and we've grown comfortable with our strengths and the work we've been doing. However, seasons change and God may want us to expand our dreams or step into a new environment. He could be redirecting us toward a new focus, perhaps something we've never attempted before. It's like, He's tapping us on the shoulder to get our attention, trying to point out opportunities that we haven't considered.

Hanaya's aunt 3:14

I think I've got an idea of what He's nudging me toward. I'm trying to discern the next actionable guidance. I really need some clear insight that I can practically act on. I have some ideas, but I'm not sure, I feel nervous, and with so many other voices, I get so confused.

Hanaya 3:31

Jesus said, My sheep hear My voice. His still small voice is always there, but it's being bombarded by all other things. People close to us or church leaders can offer their opinions or counsel, but we shouldn't neglect our own conversations in processing with God. Others might be right, but they could be wrong too. There's a story in the Bible about a young prophet who met an early end, because he ignored what God told him and listened to an older prophet instead. He decided to blindly submit to a spiritual authority. He defied the voice of the Lord and he paid the price for it. So we are considered not having listened to God if we forsake our own hearing and decide to give it to someone else. We shouldn't abandon our own ability to hear God in favor of someone else's perspective. Sometimes our next assignment is found in areas of our greatest discomfort and intimidation. It's better to obey even when we don't feel like we're capable. When we are weak, we are strong in the Lord. Our born again spirit discerns things faster than our minds, so we shouldn't overthink things. The specifics can fade in and fade out. But if we remain within the boundaries of God's word, and follow the voice of the spirit, we will reach our next destination. All we need to do is give it a shot, and stay faithful during the contradiction, because God's timing is always spot on .

Hanaya's aunt 4:54

Wow! That's so good. Hanaya, you really remind me of your mom. You're a lot like her. She was so mature for her age and really grounded. I was the wild one back in the day. However, during her last year of high school, she let her guard down. She regretted some of the choices she made, but she has never regretted having you. You know that, right? She has done an amazing job raising you.

Hanaya 5:18

Yeah, I know. God has been so good to me for blessing me with her. She's always there for every little crisis that seems so big. She's so attentive, patient, caring, diligent and upright. What more could I possibly ask for?

Hanaya's aunt 5:32

Never make her cry, alright? By the way, is any boy pursuing my pretty niece at school?

Hanaya 5:36

How am I supposed to know that?

Hanaya's aunt 5:38

Well, who has been talking to you a lot lately?

Hanaya 5:41

Ah... Hiroto. He joined our school last year. He's one of the top students. I've been talking to him a lot about God and Jesus. He's nice, very respectful. He maintains a certain distance and doesn't joke around with me like some of the other boys do.

Hanaya's aunt 5:57

I could be wrong, but sounds like someone who likes you. Some boys are cautious, you know, a little nervous around their crushes. I hope you're okay with chatting about this stuff. After all, I'm your second mom. I'm just looking out for you.

Hanaya 6:10

Of course, I've never kept anything from you and mom, but it's not what you think. He's not into me. I've got my boundaries too. Honestly, I think he's just really curious. Plus, there are so many girls at school who are way prettier and more popular than I am.

Hanaya's aunt 6:26

Alright , sweetie! I'm not in any way encouraging you to get into a relationship right now, okay? It's better to focus on other things for the time being. But don't underestimate yourself. You shine brighter as a lone star, because you're not afraid to be different, and you hold onto your values at such a young age. That's something special in this pampered age we live in. Sure, other girls might be popular for all sorts of reasons, but trust me, modesty and inner beauty will attract the right boys. They'll definitely respect you for it. I'm reminded of these words by novelist F. Scott Fitzgerald. It goes like this, "She was beautiful, but not like those girls in magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful."

Hanaya 7:26

Wow! I love it! By the way, are you seeing anyone?

Hanaya's aunt 7:30

Not at the moment. I want to court for marriage. I want to do it in a way that honors God. I'm willing to wait as long as it takes, or stay single, if God has a purpose in that for me, it's okay too. I have dated some men in the past, but they weren't the right fit. It created a lot of heartache in me, because I was dating the worldly way. Often in the worldly dating culture, there are no physical boundaries or ethics. There's no commitment. It's like I am going to try and get what I want from you, and if it doesn't work out, I'm going away. That's not love. I learned my lessons from the school of hard knocks. I wouldn't listen to your mom. At one point, she felt she shouldn't try to fix the fix that God fixed to fix me. In other words, sometimes if someone's in a fix or a difficult place, don't fix it. C.S. Lewis once said, "Pain is God's megaphone for change". There's a certain education that comes from the consequences of bad choices. We often suffer because we bite off more than we can chew. After our follies play out, God shows what He can do.

Hanaya 8:33

Some of my classmates are in a relationship. They secretly date outside of school.

Hanaya's aunt 8:37

There are people who become high school sweethearts, and eventually get married, but I think that's relatively rare. When you're young, it's important to be careful. Don't let your guard down. Keep things pure and make sure your intentions are pure. The purer your conscience is, the more alive you will feel. Avoid being alone with a boy. Even something as harmless as a hug can lead to something more. Do not give anyone the right to your body unless it's within the marriage covenant. If someone doesn't respect your physical boundaries, he doesn't truly love you. My advice is it's better to start courting when you're ready for marriage, and not before the time. If he's not a Christian Young man, then it's best to forget it. But even if he is, you still need to make sure he's a good fit for you. So do not give away your affections until you know he's the right one. Do not base your relationship on feelings. Feelings can change. Base your relationship on what really matters. Like shared godly values. Chemistry is important too, but don't put the cart before the horse. Also, when you are marrying someone, you're marrying their war. You're not marrying a perfect person. So don't expect your marriage to be all sunshine and rainbows. Walk closely with Jesus. Give grace to each other and pursue God's purposes together as a couple. Ha , just my 2 cents for now on relationships and marriage. We can talk more in the future. Anyway, I heard things have been tough at school lately. But the sky ain't falling. Keep your heart electrified with praise and just keep living girl!