Falling in Love: A Christian Girl’s Heart in Tension

What do you do when someone seems to be chasing Jesus but also chasing you? For every Christian teen wrestling with love and figuring out if a relationship is really part of God's plan — this one’s for you.

Hanaya is caught between the stirrings of first love and her desire to stay focused on what Jesus has for her. As she opens up to her mom about Hiroto's interest in her, she wrestles with questions about his genuine desire to follow Jesus, the spiritual responsibility of guiding him, and emotional boundaries. 

Whether you're a teen girl seeking godly wisdom or a parent guiding your child through these tender moments, this will touch your soul.

Hanaya Oki Series:  https://superdifferent.com/hanaya  

Transcript

Hanaya's Mom 0:01

Hanaya, is something going on? You've been a bit quiet lately. What's been on your mind, sweetheart?

Hanaya 0:07

I don't know, Mama. It's like my thoughts are all tangled up, and I don't know where to start.

Hanaya's Mom 0:12

Want to try and untangle some of it with me? Did something happen at school that you wanna talk about?

Hanaya 0:18

It's, it's about Hiroto.

Hanaya's Mom 0:20

Okay, what's going on?

Hanaya 0:22

Mama, I think he likes me. He hasn't like said it straight up, but he said he wants to get closer to me and be by my side in the mission Jesus has for me.

Hanaya's Mom 0:32

Uh , just wondering, could there be a chance you're misunderstanding what he was trying to say. Didn't you mention he liked someone else?

Hanaya 0:38

Yeah, but he didn't say who the girl was. I wondered why, because he's usually straightforward and always says what he's thinking. But now I'm starting to think it might be me he likes. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do. He said we could build something together with Jesus in the center of it.

Hanaya's Mom 0:56

That's a bold thing to say, especially for someone just starting to walk with God. But it's also beautiful if it's real.

Hanaya 1:04

That's the part I keep circling around. I don't want him to follow me for me. I want him to follow Jesus for him. To find his calling. Not just latch onto mine.

Hanaya's Mom 1:13

Right , if his fire for God is fueled by you instead of the spirit, it won't last through the hard days. Isn't it better if two people are already on the same track, both chasing the same purpose, running in the same direction, and then realize they can run it together?

Hanaya 1:29

Yeah, I just don't know if we're there yet. Or if this is just him wanting to be near me and not necessarily called to the same path. Because if I say yes too early, and he ends up resenting the life I choose, that's not fair to either of us.

Hanaya's Mom 1:42

Do you feel any pressure from him?

Hanaya 1:44

No, He's never crossed any lines or tried to push anything. Here's the thing, he wasn't really into Jesus before. But after we started talking, he got curious and started asking questions. It seemed real like he wanted to understand more. But now I'm wondering, what if he's not really looking for Jesus, but just looking for me? I don't want to be the reason someone pretends to believe. I want his relationship with Jesus to be his. Not some way to get closer to me.

Hanaya's Mom 2:15

Hmm, I love where your heart is, sweetheart. You're thinking in the right direction. Let me ask you this though, how do you feel when you're around him?

Hanaya 2:23

I , uh, I feel seen. And safe, I guess. Like he actually listens when I talk. He doesn't treat me like I'm some weird religious girl or anything. It's the way he looks at me, the stuff he says, how he stands up for me and just the way he is when we're together. He's always been sweet, respectful, and kind. And that's what scares me.

Hanaya's Mom 2:47

Okay, why does it scare you?

Hanaya 2:49

Because I, I have started to like him, Mama . A little. My heart kind of flutters when I'm around him. But I'm trying to be careful and not let my guard down. I want to stay focused on what Jesus is calling me to do, and I really don't wanna get sidetracked by my feelings or end up chasing something that is not His will.

Hanaya's Mom 3:09

Sweetheart, it's great you're being cautious and keeping a check on your emotions. Just remember, most boys are on their best behavior when they're trying to win a girl over. It's hard to truly know someone in just a few moments or sweet gestures. Right now, just keep your attention on your studies and stay involved in things you enjoy. Try not to overthink it. It's still early. Pray, wait and watch. If he's meant to walk beside you, he'll be there still, even when the emotions settle and the butterflies fade. Your heart belongs to Jesus first. His still small voice will guide you and keep you strong, even if this turns into something beautiful or if it doesn't.

Hanaya 3:50

But Mama, can someone actually grow in the Lord fast? Like in five or six months? Because honestly, I've been watching him and it's not fake. Sometimes he says things that sound like a revelation. Like he's getting it. It's not just quoting verses. He understands them. It's like God is actually showing him things.

Hanaya's Mom 4:12

Well , the Bible does say that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. If he's been soaking in the word, listening to sermons, reading scripture, feeding on truth , then yes, absolutely the Spirit can move quickly in someone who's hungry.

Hanaya 4:26

That's the thing. He is hungry. He's always asking questions. He wants to understand. And I see the way he wrestles with some old things in his life, like he's really trying to leave it behind.

Hanaya's Mom 4:37

Then that hunger is a good sign. But let me ask, has he been baptized yet?

Hanaya 4:42

No. He's accepted Jesus, said he wants to follow Him fully, but he hasn't taken water baptism. No public confession. How far can someone go without taking that next step?

Hanaya's Mom 4:54

If his repentance was real, if his heart truly turned toward Jesus and he invited him in sincerely, then yes, he's born again. The Holy Spirit comes to dwell inside us at that moment. And that's probably what you're seeing in him now, illumination, that deep inward awakening that only the Spirit can give.

Hanaya 5:13

So even without baptism, that part's real?

Hanaya's Mom 5:16

Yes. Baptism doesn't save us. But it seals us publicly. It's the outward testimony of the inward transformation. And Jesus commanded it, not as a ritual, but as a declaration, a line in the sand. I'm not who I was. I belong to Christ. Now, if he truly loves Jesus, he won't shy away from that moment.

Hanaya 5:35

So should I talk to him about it?

Hanaya's Mom 5:37

Yes. Lovingly. Gently. Not as pressure, but as invitation. Ask him if he's ready to take that next step. Because if he's serious about walking this road, not just with you, but with Jesus, then baptism is part of the journey. And it will only deepen his commitment.

Hanaya 5:54

Yeah, I want to know if his heart is ready for all of it. Not just the knowledge and revelation, but also the obedience.

Hanaya's Mom 6:02

And you'll know by how he responds, not just with words, but with surrender. Some people avoid baptism because they don't want to deal with the fallout from family or the cost of that public stand. If he's willing to be baptized, knowing it might cause tension at home, that'll tell you a lot about his courage and conviction.

Hanaya 6:20

Yeah, I think it's time I ask, not to test him, just to see where he really stands. Because if he's going to walk beside me, I want to know that he's also walking toward Jesus with all his heart.

Hanaya's Mom 6:32

That's the right heart, sweetheart. If he's the one, God will confirm it. Not just through emotions, but through obedience, fruit and humility. But what if you took a little break? Just a short one. Like a month or two. Not cutting him off completely, just stepping back a little from being the one guiding his every step with Jesus. Give him space to walk that path on his own.

Hanaya 6:54

Wait, what? Mama , I don't think I can do that.

Hanaya's Mom 6:58

I'm not saying disappear. I'm saying maybe you give him room to seek God without you being the center of that process. Just to see where his heart really is.

Hanaya 7:06

But Mama, if I do that, he might feel abandoned. His parents already think I'm poisoning him with this Jesus stuff. They've been pressuring him hard to stop talking to me. I'm pretty much the only Christian voice in his life he's hearing right now.

Hanaya's Mom 7:21

Oh, I didn't know it was that bad.

Hanaya 7:23

It is. His mom found a Bible in his bag and flipped out. Said, he's too young to be brainwashed. If I step back now, what if he will just stop altogether? Or worse, he would think I only cared because I wanted him to be like me, not because I really cared about him.

Hanaya's Mom 7:40

That's a heavy burden to carry, sweetheart. That's not just friendship anymore. That's spiritual mentorship and emotional weight.

Hanaya 7:48

I know. And I'm trying not to play Savior. I know I'm not Jesus. But I can't be the person who let him start something he didn't know how to finish and then just walked away.

Hanaya's Mom 7:59

What if this break wasn't about abandoning him, but about testing foundation? Think about it like this. If his faith is truly beginning to grow, then even a short pause, where he's not relying on you to push him forward, might actually be the thing that roots him deeper.

Hanaya 8:15

But Mama, what if he falls away?

Hanaya's Mom 8:17

Then that tells you something too. It's not about punishing him or setting a trap. It's about giving both of you room to breathe . You're not his Holy Spirit, Hanaya. And if his connection to Jesus can't survive without you constantly fueling it, then maybe it isn't a connection to Jesus yet. Not really.

Hanaya 8:35

Uh , that that's hard. But I know you're right.

Hanaya's Mom 8:38

Sweetheart, you clearly care about him. And I don't think it's wrong to be there for him. But you also need to be honest with yourself. Are you encouraging his walk with Jesus? Or are you accidentally becoming the thing he's chasing instead of Jesus?

Hanaya 8:54

I don't know anymore. I just don't want him to feel alone. Because I know what that feels like.

Hanaya's Mom 8:59

So do I. But real faith is born in those moments of solitude. When there's no one to impress. No one to lean on but Jesus. And maybe, just maybe, this is God's way of inviting him into that space. And inviting you to trust that He's big enough to hold this boy's heart without needing you to carry it.

Hanaya 9:19

So, what do I say? How do I even explain something like this to him without it sounding like rejection?

Hanaya's Mom 9:25

You tell the truth. Gently. You say, I care about you. I believe God is working in your life. But I need to step back a little, so you can walk this with Him, not just with me. I'll still be here. But I need to trust God with your heart and mine.

Hanaya 9:44

Hmm, okay. Mama , can I ask you something? And if you don't wanna talk about it, that's totally okay. We don't have to. Why didn't you ever like date anyone or get married? You were so young when you had me. You could have had someone by now. Were you scared to trust again? Or just too hurt? Don't you ever miss having someone? Did you ever ask Jesus to bring someone into your life?

Hanaya's Mom 10:10

Those are hard questions, sweetheart. You're seventeen now. That's how old I was when I found out I was pregnant with you. Seventeen. Still figuring out who I was. Still clinging to the idea that love meant someone stayed.

Hanaya 10:23

But he didn't.

Hanaya's Mom 10:24

No, he didn't. I was ready to take on the responsibility. But he ran. He said all the right things before, but when reality hit, he ran like I was on fire. And suddenly, everyone else ran too. Friends, teachers who used to praise me, even family, in some ways. People saw me differently. There were nights I'd lie in bed and cry. I was terrified, not just of being alone, but of bringing someone into our lives who might hurt us. Who might make promises to you and leave you feeling the way I felt. He could just walk away and leave us picking up the pieces again. I couldn't let that happen. Have I ever told you why we always sit right here in this exact spot?

Hanaya 11:05

No. But I've sometimes kind of wondered why you were so set on sitting here every time.

Hanaya's Mom 11:09

This place means so much to me because it's where Jesus found me. I was seven months pregnant, sitting here all alone, feeling broken, scared and unsure about everything. That's when a girl, not much older than I was, came and sat next to me. She started talking about a kind of love I had never known. A love beyond this world. She gave me a Gospel tract , a Bible, and even her contact information. She told me she was on a mission trip and had to leave soon. But she felt like God was nudging her to come to this park one last time before heading to the airport. That moment changed everything. She introduced me to the living God, the Creator, and to Jesus, His Son. From there, I began leaning into a whole new relationship with God. Jesus met me in my rejection. He came looking for me when I felt completely alone. He healed my hurting heart. He taught me how to forgive just as He forgave me. Through Him, I found freedom, the freedom to be who I truly am and who I was created to be. He showed me how to love the people who hurt and shamed me. He gave me direction on how to use my time, my energy and the gifts He's placed inside me. It's not always perfect. There are still things I'm working through. I'm still on a journey. But when things get too heavy or I feel lost again, I go back to that friendship with Jesus. He keeps finding me over and over again. When I think about life compared to eternity, everything else feels so small. When we focus only on ourselves, life becomes all about our own wants. But when we center our lives around God, our definition of happiness shifts. We find joy in living for His glory. The moment I knew you were growing inside me, I realized I had something worth fighting for. I wanted to grow up, get stronger for you. And now God has filled my heart with so much joy. Like the first time I heard you laugh, or when you first called me Mama. Now, watching you grow into this strong, kind, beautiful young girl, who truly loves Jesus, it means everything to me.

Hanaya 13:13

Love you, Mama. You know, Hiroto said, I tend to keep my distance because I'm afraid of getting hurt. And honestly, he might be right. I'm afraid of getting too attached to someone who was only meant to be in my life for a short time. I think I've just kind of assumed people don't stick around. I keep thinking, what if I let someone in and he leaves? What if he changes his mind? But how do you know if someone's real? How do you know they won't leave?

Hanaya's Mom 13:41

You don't. I think God didn't bring him into your life by accident. Trust Him with the outcome, whatever it looks like. But sometimes God brings someone close, just long enough to ignite something in them, and in us, and then He asks us to let go. And you know people are people. They get scared. They mess up. That's a risk we take with every connection. But the way you're holding it before God, that's what protects you. And Hanaya, if this boy is growing closer to Jesus, then praise God. But you don't have to hold the weight of his entire journey. That's not your job. That's the Holy Spirit's. And if this boy is really seeking Jesus, then the best thing you can do is let him, without tying it to yourself. Just be a light. Be honest. Set your boundaries. And see where God takes it.

Hanaya 14:28

I know, but I keep wondering. What if he is part of my story, and I miss it because I'm too afraid of making a mistake. What if I close the door out of fear?

Hanaya's Mom 14:38

That's the tension of faith and surrender, sweetheart. Trusting God enough to wait, but also being willing to walk when He says go. You're not going to miss His plan if you stay close to His heart. You don't need to force anything. And you don't need to fear letting go either. It's like this flower, fragile and full of beauty. Squeeze it too hard and it breaks. Let it slip away too soon, and you'll miss the moment it blooms. Love, calling friendship, they're all like that. They all need that same gentle balance. They need space and time to grow. And God's timing is perfect. He knows when to plant, when to water, and also when to prune for more growth. Your job is to stay rooted in Him and be willing to trust Him with the seasons.

Hanaya 15:22

I , uh, I don't want to hurt him, Mama.

Hanaya's Mom 15:24

I know your heart is in the right place. But sometimes growth hurts. Even obedience can ache. That doesn't mean it's wrong. It means it's real. And God will honor the purity of your intentions. If Jesus ever looks you in the eye and says, let him go, I have something else for him and for you, would you obey?

Hanaya 15:45

Yes. If Jesus asked me to stop talking to him completely, I would. I would lay it down. Even if it breaks my heart. Because I would rather have a broken heart in obedience, than a full one outside of His will. If this flower wasn't meant to stay in my hand, I will let the wind carry it, to where it's supposed to grow.