The Blessing of Needing Jesus

Why Feeling “Behind” With Jesus Isn’t What You Think

Lately, Yuri has been wrestling with some uncomfortable thoughts. She opens up to Hanaya, her classmate who first led her to Jesus a couple of years ago.

Together they talk about spiritual hunger, comparison among Christians, feeling behind in their walk with Jesus, and what it really means to grow closer to Him.

If you’ve ever felt spiritually dry, compared yourself to other Christians, or wondered why others don’t seem to need Jesus, this conversation is for you.

Join Yuri as she continues learning what it means to walk closely with Jesus.

Hanaya Oki Chapters:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7r2cZbxW9a3lozAhzXfEPy

Know more:
https://superdifferent.com/hanaya

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hanaya, can I admit something that's not very pretty?

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Well, the not so pretty kind of honesty is usually the most important kind.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Okay. When I'm around my friends at school, the ones who don't follow Jesus, I get frustrated. They seem totally fine without him. Happy, not searching, not missing anything. And part of me thinks, how can you not want this? But then that thought shifts into quiet judgment. If you only knew what you're missing, and for a moment, I feel superior. And I hate that. Why don't they feel spiritually hungry? Why doesn't everyone feel like they need Jesus?

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Before you followed Jesus? Were you hungry for him?

SPEAKER_01 0:43

No, I felt anxious, kind of empty. But I didn't think I needed Jesus. I didn't think he was the answer.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Exactly. Sometimes people don't recognize their hunger because they've filled it with other things: friends, sports, grades, social media, staying busy. None of those things are bad by themselves, but it can quiet the deeper ache. If you think you're full, you don't look for bread.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

So they might be hungry, they just don't know what for. But what about the ones who seem genuinely content?

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Being content doesn't always mean complete. You don't see what happens when they are alone at night, scrolling at 1 a.m., laughing at videos, but still feeling strangely empty. You don't hear the thoughts they don't post about. And even if they really do feel fine right now, God isn't stressed, he's patient. You can't manufacture spiritual hunger, and you can't convict someone of sin. That's the Holy Spirit's job, not yours. So what is my job? To stay close to your shepherd. Remember Psalm 23? The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. Your role isn't to prove you're better, it's to follow him.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Sometimes I feel like the weird one for wanting more of Jesus. And other times, I don't feel anything. No hunger, no fire. That scares me. I still doubt. I still mess up. Shouldn't I be more mature?

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Stronger by now? What if maturity isn't needing Jesus less, but realizing you need him more? So feeling needy isn't weakness? It's exactly what Jesus called blessed. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. In other words, blessed are people who know they are spiritually empty, who know they don't have what it takes on their own. That feels backwards. Yeah, it's upside down. Jesus was teaching through paradox. In God's kingdom, needing him is strength. The people who know they can't do life alone are the ones closest to him. When Jesus says blessed, he means a deep kind of joy that isn't shaken when life gets hard. To be poor in spirit means you know you need him. Not once, constantly. It's real humility, honest dependence. It's saying, Jesus, I can't do this without you. It's the cry of someone who knows this world isn't enough. A quiet longing that says, Jesus, I need you. When your heart is crowded with self-sufficiency, there's no room. But when you come empty, Jesus fills you. What feels like weakness becomes the doorway for his kingdom to move in.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Hmm. Okay. Do you ever compare yourself to other Christians?

SPEAKER_02 3:15

I used to. What changed? I stopped measuring how loud my faith looked, and started asking if I was actually walking with Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

I compare myself a lot. I feel behind, like everyone else has figured this out except me. I've been a Christian for two years and I still feel small.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Small isn't a bad place to be.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

It feels like it is. Like I should be further by now. Further where? Closer to Jesus, more consistent, less distracted, less me.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Yuri, Psalm 23, says, the Lord is our shepherd. It doesn't say, the Lord is our performance evaluator. A shepherd doesn't compare sheep, he leads them. Remember when Jesus told Peter about his future? And Peter pointed at John and asked, What about him? Jesus replied, What is that to you? You follow me. Comparison wasn't Peter's assignment. Following was. Your calling is personal, your growth, your pace, your walk with Jesus, those aren't meant to be measured against someone else's. You're simply called to follow him faithfully, wherever he leads. But some sheep are probably better at following. The goal isn't to become a spiritually impressive sheep, it's to stay near the shepherd.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

I think I compare because I want proof I'm growing.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

That makes sense. But comparison measures visibility, not faithfulness. What does that mean? Appearances can be misleading. Some growth is loud, using your gifts, speaking boldly, serving in ways everyone can see. Some growth is quiet, choosing forgiveness, loving when it's hard, resisting temptation, praying when no one sees. God measures faithfulness, not visibility. You don't have to be spiritually impressive to be spiritually close. Gifting is not the same as intimacy with Jesus. Just because someone looks strong doesn't mean they aren't struggling. And just because you feel weak doesn't mean you aren't growing. Yes, aim for maturity. Jesus said, be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect. But this isn't a call to perform. It's a call to become whole. It's the fruit of the Spirit slowly showing up more and more in your life. Love growing deeper, patience stretching longer, kindness becoming instinct. That kind of growth doesn't come from striving, it comes from staying, staying close to Jesus, receiving his love, not just as something you believe in your head, but something you actually experience. He is the vine. We are the branches. We don't manufacture fruit. We abide, and fruit grows naturally. What about when I feel dry? Dry seasons don't mean you're failing. Jesus leads us through green pastures and valleys. Both are part of walking with him. Sometimes the valleys grow deeper roots than the mountaintops ever could. They teach you to trust him in a way comfort never could.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

What about Christians who don't seem spiritually hungry at all, like they're just fine where they are?

SPEAKER_02 6:08

Maybe they haven't yet seen how beautiful Jesus is. And sometimes people are afraid of what it might cost to truly want him. In Revelation, Jesus speaks to a church called Laodicea. They were wealthy, comfortable, successful, but spiritually empty. The scary part, they didn't even realize it. They weren't rejecting Jesus. They just weren't passionate about him either. Drift is subtle. You can slowly cool off and still think you're doing fine. Jesus said to them, You say, I am rich. I need nothing. But you are neither hot nor cold. You are lukewarm. Lukewarm isn't rebellion, it's indifference, and indifference slowly hardens the heart. Today that can look like calling yourself a Christian but rarely talking to Jesus. Confusing church attendance with an actual relationship, comparing yourself to others instead of examining your own heart, choosing comfort over obedience. Success can trick us into thinking we don't need him. And before we notice, we start measuring blessing by grades, money, status, or influence, instead of closeness with Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Yeah. If everything in my life is going well, am I still really depending on Jesus? Or just coasting? And honestly, we can turn almost anything into an idol. Even Christian things. We can worship faith instead of growing in faith. We can love worship music more than the one we're singing to. We can know a lot about the word and still not truly know the Lord of the Word. We can even care more about our assignment than the one who gave it. It's scary how easy it is to drift without even realizing it. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

But here's the important part. Jesus didn't abandon Laodicea. He warned them because he loved them. He said, Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline. And he does the same with us. Correction isn't rejection, it's love that refuses to let us drift. Closeness with him is the real reward, not hype, not appearances, not a polished spiritual image, just steady, wholehearted devotion to Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

So it's not about pressuring yourself to be hungry for Jesus?

SPEAKER_02 8:14

No. The goal isn't to manufacture feelings, it's to be honest with him. When you feel weak, tell him. When your hunger feels small, tell him that too. Pray simple, real prayers. Lord, I need you. Lord, I want you. I praise you. I feel homesick for you. Even make my heart a holy place. Or Lord, help me want you is a powerful prayer. You don't have to fix your own heart. You bring the honesty, and Jesus does the deeper work.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

That's good. Do you ever wish you could just see Jesus' face? Like actually see him?

SPEAKER_02 8:48

Oh, all the time. But for now, we walk by faith. We're not home yet. And even when we can't see him, the shepherd is still right here with us. Yuri, Jesus is committed to the long journey. Not just your best moments. He knows your pace. He's not grading you. He's not comparing you, he's simply leading you. Just keep walking. Stay close.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

I don't feel behind right now, I just feel led.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

Good. That's the road to the kingdom, Yuri. That's what it means to belong to the shepherd.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Oh that I could see your face. How I'm long for that day. Brighter sun of holy grace. Make my heart a holy place. Blessed are the poor who have nothing to own. Blessed are the moaners who are crying alone. Blessed are the guilty who have nowhere to go. For their hearts have a road to the kingdom of God. And their stones are the stones of the kingdom of God. And they live in a refuge. Oh, it's long to see this place. Is there somewhere I can stay even just a couple days? Let's take out of all nothing to all. Let's take out the honest. How I'm long for that day.