Do you sense the emerging tension as we approach the end of the first quarter? Parents' expectations are rising, with report cards just around the corner. Compass PD's Dr. Niedringhaus is here to guide you through it all. We're taking a deep dive into the art of communicating effectively with parents during October, discussing the best strategies for high-stakes conversations that could potentially involve strong emotions. Listen in as we unlock the six steps to nailing these discussions, providing guidance on understanding and effectively communicating the purpose of these conversations.
October can be challenging, but conversations around report cards and student needs don't have to be. Dr. Niedringhaus explores how to create an emotionally safe space for these dialogues. Discover how to set the right tone and clarify what will be discussed, fostering an understanding environment. She shares insight on controlling your emotions to support a partnership approach, which is critical for creating constructive conversations with parents, teachers, and other school staff.
But she doesn't stop there; we also look at creating actionable plans for teachers, administrators, and parents. Learn how to build stronger relationships, offer practical solutions, and create a future-focused plan. She emphasizes the importance of transparency and vulnerability and how these elements can foster more productive discussions. She also reminds you that celebrating successes is just as crucial despite the high stakes. Let's not forget to celebrate this October. So, gear up for this thrilling ride through the school year, and don't forget to share with others who may benefit from our discussions.
Do you sense the emerging tension as we approach the end of the first quarter? Parents' expectations are rising, with report cards just around the corner. Compass PD's Dr. Niedringhaus is here to guide you through it all. We're taking a deep dive into the art of communicating effectively with parents during October, discussing the best strategies for high-stakes conversations that could potentially involve strong emotions. Listen in as we unlock the six steps to nailing these discussions, providing guidance on understanding and effectively communicating the purpose of these conversations.
October can be challenging, but conversations around report cards and student needs don't have to be. Dr. Niedringhaus explores how to create an emotionally safe space for these dialogues. Discover how to set the right tone and clarify what will be discussed, fostering an understanding environment. She shares insight on controlling your emotions to support a partnership approach, which is critical for creating constructive conversations with parents, teachers, and other school staff.
But she doesn't stop there; we also look at creating actionable plans for teachers, administrators, and parents. Learn how to build stronger relationships, offer practical solutions, and create a future-focused plan. She emphasizes the importance of transparency and vulnerability and how these elements can foster more productive discussions. She also reminds you that celebrating successes is just as crucial despite the high stakes. Let's not forget to celebrate this October. So, gear up for this thrilling ride through the school year, and don't forget to share with others who may benefit from our discussions.
Hello, hello, hello, dr Carrie Hepburn here from the Compass PD podcast. I am the founder of Compass PD and I am really excited because today I'm joined by my colleague, dr Bridget Needringhouse. Hi Bridget, hi Carrie, hi, good morning.
Speaker 2:Good morning. How are you? Today? It's beautiful outside. It's almost fall like, so that's kind of fun and invigorating for me.
Speaker 1:You know what I was thinking? That too Like when you wake up in the morning you hear the crickets. It's really dark, it's a little bit chilly. You can feel like the change that's coming, which I think is always so fun. Yes, do you have anything fun like happening in your world?
Speaker 2:right now I have the most fun happening in my world right now. I became a grandmother in August. I have twin grandchildren, reese and Savannah a boy and a girl, and I have really loved watching not only them grow and develop but watching my daughter and my son-in-law as they grow and develop as parents and just all the things that they are navigating right now. So it just takes me back to my own new parent days and how you try to figure everything out and get a schedule in place. Then that schedule doesn't work so you've got to pivot and try something new. It's kind of like what you do in a classroom, right? I mean, you try and implement something and if it goes well you keep with the plan. If it doesn't, you have to find another way or tweak something here or there. So it's kind of fun for me to be able to see both the littles and snuggle with them, but really kind of watching my son-in-law and daughter and how they are navigating as well.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so much fun. I remember my first grandchild. So I have one grandchild now and I'm Gigi, so he is 16 months, and when he was tiny like that, it was just like there's so much love, so much joy, so much excitement and seeing them growing their family, and just there's so much love around babies and puppies. I say that all the time, just filled with joy and just smiles all the time.
Speaker 2:Thanks for sharing Sure.
Speaker 1:Congratulations. There's nothing like having a grand baby.
Speaker 2:Nothing like it, except two right, Two at the same time. That's pretty fun.
Speaker 1:Double, double. Well, today I'm happy that Dr Needering House is going to be sharing information with you. Principles Today's podcast aims to give you some ideas about the second month of school. If you started school in September, we want to invite you to listen in to episode 17, which was winning the school year insights from Dr Bridget Needering House. And episode 22, mastering the Art of School Leadership the first month and beyond. Those podcasts were really great about setting your culture, your climate, thinking about all of the things that principles need to have on their radars and the predictable problems they'll be facing during that time at the beginning of the school year. And today she's going to be talking with you about how we've got our first month of school under our belts and you're preparing for October. What should be on an administrator's radar right now, bridget?
Speaker 2:So first of all, let me just say this is like the I'm going to juggle and I've got a couple of balls in August and then I add a few more in September. And so here we are in October we're going to add some more balls for you to juggle. You know that, saying I've got so many balls in the air right now. Yes, you do. And so let's talk about how, what's coming up and then maybe some things you can do to help manage those. So when I think about October, october to me culminates the end of that first quarter.
Speaker 2:In October, typically you've gotten to that nine-week point wrapping some things up, like you're having report cards go out for the first time. Your teams may be reviewing data first quarter data and making some decisions and changes based on that. We at the elementary middle high we talk about parent-teacher conferences and kind of how those have evolved over the years, and so how are we conducting those conferences as well, as you should be at this point as an administrator? You're well into classroom visits. You're well into classroom evaluations. My theme for October is communication. I want to really talk about October and all the different levels of communication that are necessary for the month.
Speaker 1:This is going to be fun.
Speaker 2:I hope so. So some of the predictable problems or predictable things that can come up in October. Focusing around communication, we really want to talk about constructive conversations, or you could say we're going to talk about crucial conversations. There is so much research and not just in the field of education but just in general about the best ways to go about having conversations with people. I want to first focus on our parents. Let's talk about how to best communicate with our parents.
Speaker 2:We know that at this point, you've already had communication with probably all of the parents in your classroom at one level or another. So whether that's been hey, here's just what's going on in our classroom. Or if it's been hey, I want to celebrate your child. Or if it's been hey, I think it's time for conversation. So usually that end of first quarter we see some more of those hey, I think we need to have a focused conversation. Here's some steps that I really want you to consider. First of all, I want to talk about three things you really want to keep in mind. The first thing is, at this point, your conversations are going to be characterized as maybe high stakes conversations. It could be around differing opinions and they can be centered around some strong emotions. But when we consider these things for our parents, when we're having those conversations, I'm going to give you six things that I feel like you need to do. Number one you really need to know what is the goal or the purpose for the conversation, and not just know that yourself, but communicate that. So I'm going to share a really brief something that happened. I asked a parent to come in to have a conversation with me. She was frightened. The conversation I had with her was about the fact that her child was doing so well in mathematics. We really wanted to accelerate her child and push up to the next grade level with during math time. I didn't take time to set the purpose for the conversation, so she came in more defensive and fearful than she needed to, and that wasn't her fault. As an administrator, it's really my job to make sure that I set the tone for the meeting or for the conversation by letting them know here's the purpose or here's our goal. I don't make the mistake of just kind of making a generalization. Can you come in and talk to me? And really that goes for teachers as well. Teachers get kind of fearful if you're just calling them into your office randomly and you don't set the tone or the purpose. The next thing I want to talk about is what conditions are you meeting under? I'll call them safe conditions. You want to have safe conditions, and that that means not not just physically safe but that's always important but emotionally. You want to have safe conditions. If you need to have a difficult conversation with a parent and you've been already transparent about what that conversations going to be you need to also make sure that the conditions for the conversation are emotionally safe.
Speaker 2:When they come in, parents come in with all kinds of different school experiences. Some parents did really well in school and so they think of school itself as a safe haven. But there are parents that come in that did not have those experiences or have some other experiences that really make them hesitant to come into a school building and have a conversation with an administrator, doing things like including a teacher, inviting them to include, like a spouse or a friend or somebody, if that helps them to be more comfortable. Remember that you are coming at this from a partnership lens and so it's not a us against them. It's that we want to partner with our parents. Let's put the parents aside and talk about the teachers for a minute. Let's talk about building safe conditions for our teachers. If we have a teacher that has had some attendance issues or you have other concerns with the teacher and you've had to speak about them before, they may always view you in that lens of she's not gonna be happy with me. Make sure that of course, you communicated the purpose of the meeting, but let them know I'd like to do some brainstorming to get today. Let them know kind of how to come in safely. They can also bring someone with them. Unless you need to have a tough conversation, invite them. You know, some teachers feel really comfortable if they have some support from the NEA or from a department chair or grade level chair. That's okay because, again, we're trying to build a partnership. Make sure that.
Speaker 2:Number three make sure the content is safe. So what is it that you're going to be talking about? If you're going to be talking with parents about academic concerns that you have, how do you make that safe? You're going to do things when you're presenting content like use facts or observable behaviors. Don't use comments like I think or I feel. Here's what I've noticed. Here are some strengths that your child has. Here are some areas of concern that your child has. Don't just talk in general, like explain to them, let them see some work samples, maybe, show them an exemplar and then how their child is responding to the instruction. That way the parents can kind of draw a conclusion right there and you're not just giving your judgment. You're giving them actual information to use in comparison.
Speaker 2:So I can remember, as a parent, being told that one of my children really struggled in understanding math concept and I didn't understand that because we worked on math relentlessly at home and we work on math facts and things like that. But when I sat down and looked at, the content of what she was actually talking to me about was not about knowing my facts, knowing computation, it was understanding concepts so doing things like knowing which operation to choose, or knowing she knew steps in a process, but understanding some of those other things. Because she included that content in our conversation, I walked away feeling much better that I actually was doing good, you know, supporting her at home, but maybe my shift needed. I needed to shift a little bit as well. Let's talk about that with our teachers, right? And so what is the content you're talking to your teachers about? If you need to talk to your teachers about the tone of an email, then talk about a tone of an email and show them the email that you're talking about or something, so that you can look at it together and so you can have conversation about it together. If it's something that's going on in the classroom and it's instruction on, so you need to talk about some strategies that are being used in the classroom. Bring out some information about strategies and what they should look like in the classroom. Invite them to observe other teachers in your building that are doing those things well, and then have a follow-up conversation with them about what they saw.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we jump too quickly to that critical you're not doing, when really what we need to do is start thinking about what does the teacher know? What does the parent know? Right, because we can't make an assumption, because then that's just gonna come back to haunt us. So we don't want to make assumptions about what we think people know. We want to make sure that we're providing them the information so that they can know and understand what we would like for our teachers to do. Or, like I said, get in there and observe and and that's just. That's a whole nother conversation about getting teachers in each other's rooms and seeing some of your master teachers and what they do and not having that closed-door policy. But I won't go on too long about that. Number four control your emotion and so right.
Speaker 1:Wow, wow, easier said than done. That's so funny because, as you're talking, I said how do you do this? In the moment Does it take a lot of practice. As you're going through this and I thought already what you stated control your emotion has to be in there somewhere.
Speaker 2:So, ali, thank you, it really does, and you know I carry that's a great point because you really do need to practice that, not, you know, not just with your parents and not just with teachers. But you know, sometimes at home is the best place to practice Right and really get that honest feedback from the people that love you the most. And it can sting and that's OK. I remember conversations with teachers. They loved that I was a decision maker and so when I came in I would be able to give them a yes or a no, or I would say you know what? That's a great question. I need to look into it more. But they felt like they had something when they walked away that frightened some teachers as well. It was she's coming on too strong, and so I had to really learn how to temper myself, how to take time and step back and listen.
Speaker 2:We all know that one of the most important parts of communication with parents, with teachers, with anybody, is actually listening. We talk about that even with our students. And how do we teach listening and how do we get, get that buy in that students really need to listen and then respond to what was said. Not respond, because response is natural, but really taking time to listen. So I would say part of controlling your motion is taking time to listen and then develop some empathy as an educator. We sometimes forget what it's like to sit across the table from other educators as a parent, and that can be kind of intimidating. I think a lot about not just not just the special education world, but I think about the special education world and how intimidating those conversations can be when we are going over test data, observation data and we are using terms maybe that they don't understand or this could be actually some things that they went through themselves as students, and so we really have to develop some empathy and take time to step back and look at how we are approaching our parents and our teachers. So when you're doing that, when you're controlling your emotion, think about a lot of things like think about your body and language. Are you speaking to them while your arms are crossed, or are they speaking to you and you're not maintaining eye contact and so you don't appear to be listening? Are you on your cell phone? You know all of those kinds of things. We need to consider that. If you want to take notes in a conversation, I don't think that's a bad thing, because sometimes I even need to do that. Be vulnerable and have that notepad right out there so that they can see it. Don't try to do that on your phone, where they can't see what you're doing. Let them know what they're saying is important enough to you that you're wanting to actually take a few notes.
Speaker 2:One of the things I did find as an administrator sometimes I would ask my secretary or administrative assistant to sit in because I had trouble being present in the conversation and taking meaningful notes and I knew when I walked away from the conversation I'd probably get hit with like 20 things within the first five minutes. But I needed to go back to that conversation and so that did provide me by having the administrative assistant in there to take notes. It really provided me that opportunity as an administrator to first be part of the conversation and not worry about my notes, but also to go back and have something, and they're shareable notes. There's it's no secret, it's no mystery. Everybody can have a copy of the notes, you know. But just making sure that that you're present in that conversation, so controlling your emotion on that, that level is really about that being present, making sure that you are presenting with some behaviors that others can model. You know, when you're sitting there and you're maintaining eye contact and and you've not got your arms folded and things like that, you're really actually modeling some of those communication skills, those nonverbal skills, for others. And so for your teachers or for your parents, you're modeling that for them, and that helps to keep the emotion under control.
Speaker 2:I will say I'd love to tell you I've never had a conversation where the emotions got high. But here's a great tool Take a break. I think at this point we all could take a breath and we're going to just we'll gather back together in five minutes or whatever. Get a drink, use the restroom, whatever, but let's come back together in five minutes. If you don't think five minutes is going to cut it, how about if we schedule part two of this meeting for another time? That way we both have time to just kind of take in the conversations we've had today.
Speaker 1:I think that's so thoughtful and I will tell you when I know I have to have hard conversations. On my paper somewhere it'll say something like breathe, like a little reminder to myself to breathe. But I think having in your back pocket some things that okay, if this gets really heated, we just might need to take a short walk. So the break is so smart. Or saying I can see that this is gonna take a little bit longer than we had scheduled, let's have part two. That's so thoughtful, Bridget. And when principles can have some of those things in their back pocket, it alleviates some of their stress and lets them know okay, it doesn't have to be bad, for we can try to salvage this and bring it back together with maybe, a different feeling, a different emotion.
Speaker 2:So that's very thoughtful Number five listen to others feedback. Even if, as an administrator, you are calling a meeting together, remember this is not just your meeting. Remember that you are bringing somebody in so that you can have conversation. That kind of dialogue requires you to listen to the feedback of others, and you need to listen to it because you may come into a meeting as an administrator. You might come in and think I'm gonna do this, this and this, and that's a great idea, just to have something down, but you may need to reach some compromise or you may need to work in the thoughts of someone else as you're working on this plan. So when I think about this for teachers for teachers, if I'm talking about hey, here's what I would like for you to do, and they have some ideas of their own about things that they think might benefit them, I need to hear that and I need to figure out how can that work into helping them, because that's the bottom line.
Speaker 2:When I think about parents and so parents have a wealth of knowledge about their children that we don't, and so we have to honor that. There is absolutely no reason for us, as administrators or educators in general, to come at a parent and just lay out all this information and not think that they have things to add. I loved when I would sit in IEPs and we would talk about the present level of education and parents had a section that they got to put in about the child's interests and likes and dislikes and strengths, and I would learn so much about kids and think to myself, how can we be using that in school to help them? And so we really have to do that with our parents is take time to listen to who their children are. Could it be that they have a traumatic background or something that could be? Could it be that they're this dynamic soccer player or are so into theater and the arts? And so we can find out so much more and think to ourselves, like, how can I use that in the classroom? Or, even bigger, how could we use that in our school community? All of a sudden, we're taking these bits and pieces that the parents are bringing to the table as well and we're incorporating them into whatever plan we are working on for our students. You have to be really careful with parents that you let them know that we know that they are the expert on their child. And then finally, carrie, I think that when we talk about these conversations, we have to know how important it is that we have an action plan. So it's not just conversation for the sake of conversation, because that can feel really daunting to spend an hour of my plan time having a conversation and feel like we didn't get anywhere.
Speaker 2:Let's get some action items. It doesn't mean you need a list of 10. It might be one or two things that are actionable For the teacher. Let's talk about action items for a teacher. If we're talking to a teacher about some instructional concerns, an action item could be for them to look back at a book that we've studied in the past and look at a couple of instructional strategies. So, really narrowing it down hey, how about if you just look at these two? For right now, it could be that, hey, let's get somebody that you can go and observe. It could be somebody's coming into your class to teach so that you can observe. I mean, they don't have to be earth shattering, you have to go to this institute for a week or a month or you know. Of course, it needs to be something that's actionable on both ends. Let's not set a teacher up to have someone in their classroom if you know they're not quite ready for that. So let's take a step towards that first, before we have that happen.
Speaker 1:With our parents.
Speaker 2:We always want them to feel like they left with an action plan, that we as a school have a plan for their children, and so if we're gonna expect parents to follow up and support our plans, we need to have a plan in place. And so what might that look like? You know, we really need to be specific about what that's going to be. Is it going to be we need your child to be at school on time because they're missing the first 30 minutes when we do this particular instruction? Here are some ways we can help that happen. We can help the child, set an alarm. We can, you know, like, talk about things that we can do, and the parents got four more kids at home, and so the parent thinks like, actually, that could be really helpful. So we want to make sure that everybody walks away with some actionable items.
Speaker 1:I love this. I love that it's so practical. It's thinking where the end of the first quarter, these kinds of conversations, are going to have to happen with parents or with teachers, when you think about report cards and parent teacher conferences, and data is coming in and we have evaluations, all of these things. This is so thoughtful when you think about the predictable problems they're going to face. I feel like you've been setting them up for those predictable problems, which are going to be the conversations. But are there any others that you had on your mind?
Speaker 2:Here are the things that I want to tell you. As an administrator, I can give you every tip and I can try and think through different scenarios and there's always going to be something different that comes up. Just know, going into conversations, by doing these things, by being transparent with people and being vulnerable and it takes a lot on the part of teachers to do those things and it takes a lot on the part of an administrator to do those things as well. Administrators, remember, you are always, always, always building relationships, just like we want our teachers to do. We have to do that as administrators. We want to build relationships with our parents, we want to build relationships with our teachers. If we are going to do that, our best bet is to come at that from that vulnerable piece where you are sharing, they are sharing, you're looking at it together and you don't always get to the end of the conversation and have complete agreement.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you might say at this point, I don't see that we are heading in the same direction. Let's take a break, let's come back at it another time. It may be I'd like to include somebody else in this conversation so that we can get another perspective. They don't always go smoothly and that's nerve wracking. As an administrator, you don't like it when you are yelled at or when people accuse you of things, or those are all tough. When you are having these tough conversations, these are tough results for us as administrators. Just remembering things like to keep your calm, keep your emotions in check and that empathy piece of trying to look at it from another side. Sometimes, administrators, you still have to make those tough decisions. When you are making those tough decisions that may be not what you came together and compromised on make sure you're communicating clearly. Make sure you're using your information, your data, your observations, things like that when you are explaining why this is the direction we're going to go.
Speaker 2:you leave by doing that. You leave any kind of hidden agenda out, any kind of secrets out. I think that's probably the best bet as we look at some of those predictable problems. Might a teacher call in the teachers union to be a part of it? Absolutely Might take on that. The teachers union is part of our education system and we are a partnership with them. Might parents call somebody above your head or call the superintendent or school board member? Absolutely Might take on that. We are a community. We are approaching education together. If that's what they feel like they need to do, that's fine. You have your information together and you just keep moving forward with the rest of your day, week, month and know that you're doing what you can to be productive in your conversations at your own building.
Speaker 1:I think you really did hit the nail on the head about being transparent and vulnerable, but that is so hard. It is so hard, but it is key to building strong relationships and trust, and that's what we want. And when people know that you are in partnership with them, it's a much different conversation than when we have to be right all of the time or in control. When we're in partnership or in community, it's a game changer and can change those emotions for sure. Thank you for that. That's great. What tip or reminder do you want to share with them for October?
Speaker 2:Sure, Two things. Number one don't forget to celebrate. Like October is the culmination of you finished a whole first quarter, You've got kids in and fed and back home You've got them your teaching, your teachers are teaching and kids are learning and you're looking at data, and so these can be great celebration moments at the same time. So don't forget to celebrate. Let your parents know what you're celebrating, Let your teachers know what you're celebrating and why. Maybe you have in your monthly newsletter you send as administrators, we send out something that just highlights some things going on in the school and some of the great achievement that you're seeing, things like that. So don't forget to celebrate.
Speaker 2:I wanted to leave us today with a quote. So one of my favorite leadership authors is John Maxwell. I think he has so many great things to say, but today I felt really strongly that this quote fits our conversation. As a leader, you have to take responsibility for your own failures as well as successes. That's the only way you'll learn. If you keep learning, you'll improve. If you improve, your leadership will get better and in time, you will earn the right to lead on the level you deserve. I thought that was so powerful to just talk about. You know let's not forget administrators we are learning, and so today's topic about some of those crucial conversations we're learning. It doesn't matter if you're new or a veteran, you are still learning. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're learning to get to these next levels of understanding what a great way to wrap up our conversation today.
Speaker 1:I want to let our listeners know that you can hear more from Dr Needringhaus on episode 17 and episode 22, where she's talking about kicking up the school year, setting your, creating your community, creating your culture and preparing for the beginning of the school year all of the things that are happening. If you're looking for some supports for your instructional coaches, we have that as well. Dr Stephanie Brenner has some episodes on 16, navigating the school year, the new school year, and 20, where she talks about leading the organization and essential skills for curriculum and professional learning. She talks a lot about data in episode 20 and all of the data that's coming in. And then for teachers, we have some really great supports for teachers on episode 18 and 19, where Dr Fowler talks about planning and she talks about setting classroom routines, and then in 24, she talks again about setting goals in classrooms.
Speaker 1:If you didn't know, at Compass PD we have a big goal of impacting the learning of 1 million students. One way you can help us meet that goal is by sharing this podcast. You could hit the follow, like or subscribe button and giving us a review on iTunes or Spotify if you enjoy our podcast. A huge thank you to Melissa B, who gave us a shout out on Instagram. Thank you for sharing and telling us how much you enjoyed the podcast with Dr Needringhouse last time. We're so thankful for that and if you find this learning helpful, our team works with leaders and teachers and districts every day. Reach out to us and we would be happy to talk with you about how we can help you reach your ambitious goals. Have a great day, everybody.