Dave Lourdes | On Becoming The Best You Can Be

Dave Lourdes is a professional speaker, elite performance coach and facilitator. His experience exceeds three decades and over 700 workshops, seminars and special events, addressing more than 15,000 people in talks and seminars worldwide, from everyday employees to middle management as well as C-Level audiences.

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Content
00:00 Intro

00:17 From Social Anxiety to Coaching

08:26 10% of your income on skill development

20:01 Improving your confidence

26:43 Implementing Advice

29:18 Unblock your performance

38:56 Dave Advice for Graduates

46:12 Outro

Transcript

Dave Lourdes: 0:00

I think about a little one, like if you think about Martin Luther king, he gets a million people to March in Washington, cuz he says, I have a dream. He didn't say, um, I have a plan like plans, four people

James Fricker: 0:17

One, one of the places I wanted to start was, uh, about your career as this kind of coach speaker, uh, team building high performance. Et cetera. And I wanna ask kind of how you first got into this space. Cause I know you were sort of in the corporate realm for a while and then, and then landed in this area. I'd love if you to just tell us, you know, where did this transition start? Like, was there a kind of moment where you realized actually, you know what, I'm gonna do this now and I'm gonna go a hundred percent into this direction. Uh, I'd love to kind of wind back the clock and, and hear that.

Dave Lourdes: 0:58

A hundred percent. Okay, great. So what happened was, um, I. So there's a, there's a, there's a, the test match version. I'll give you the 2020 version. Just say doesn't take up. So what happened was when I was a young fell, I was, um, uh, I, I didn't know. Um, I was extremely shy. So when I'd meet someone, just, uh, I, I would freak out. Um, I would avoid any social contact, anything around people, apart from my family, I was became, um, excessively uncomfortable. In a way that was getting in the way. I'm not just talking shyness here, way beyond that. And then I started my career at, at a Z. And what would happen is every time we had training, I wouldn't go to work. Um, it was that debilitating for me to be around people. And then I, I knew I had to do something to, um, fix it and, um, Because it was just ex it was beyond shyness. So I, um, um, back then there wasn't, I didn't know. Oh, I, and I think there was executive coaching and all that sort of stuff. So you won't believe what I did. I looked up a, um, a psychologist. In the city where I worked, I worked at, uh, ANZ in Melbourne and I took my paycheck to her and I showed her what I was. And back then from memory, I was getting paid about 13 or$12,000 a year. And I said to her, I made a commitment to spend 10% of my wage on, uh, developing myself. How many sessions will that by me? And she said, what do you, think's wrong with you? And I started talking and then anyway, she told me I had something. Um, social anxiety disorder, uh, or social phobia. So what that means is, so when I'd meet someone, uh, like I said, just to shake their hand, I would have a visceral response. So meaning in my body. So, you know, when you are nervous, you feel it in your tummy, for example, you get butterflies and what have you, when I'd meet someone? Uh, my tongue would expand in my mouth three times the size it is and I'd choke. So I always had to have, uh, water. I don't need it. And I'd have to quickly and back then we didn't have bottles of water. So I was like a teenager carrying around a drink bottle. Like I was in grade one and I'd quickly drink the water and would make my tongue go back to its normal size. And so this social phobia was destroying me and then I. I was going to the psychologist. Um, and just to give you perspective, when you have social phobia, you are embarrassed of everything. So my parents, until I got married, didn't know I was going to the psychologist. I kept it as a secret. I was embarrassed. None of my friends knew no one knew. And I, I was. I was walking back from Collins street. Um, I was walking back to the office where I worked after an appointment and I saw there was there used to be a bookshop called Angus and Robertson, and they had a dollar bin there of these books that nobody wanted. And there was a book there called getting the best at yourself and others, and it was a dollar. So I bought it and, um, and I hadn't read a book since high school and, uh, I read it in a day and a. I read it voraciously and it completely transformed everything about the way I carry myself. Um, my aspirations about what I want to do. It changed everything. And, um, and I made a commitment with myself with everything that I read, I'm gonna practice it on people. So I used my work as a, as a living. The more and more. I did it the more, instead of getting, um, shy, being around people like any, anything around people drew me like a magnet and I just became obsessed in. Um, so I was 19 then and I made a commitment with myself. I'm gonna read 30 books every year, just on psychology. I wanna know why people do what they do. And I've kept that up. That habit. I do a minimum of 30, not saying it to impress you, just to impress upon you, what worked for me. And, um, and I found I was more and more massively intrigued by people. So no matter what job I had at a Z, I. Uh, winning or more sales or project completions were nice, but, um, seeing helping people grow or change or get rid of a fear or transform an aspect of themselves, that's holding them back. That completely floated my boat. So then I just turned it into a career. I actually started getting invited to internal ANZ team building functions to present and, um, And I started getting invited to a lot of those. I was a project manager and team leader and all that at the time, but, and then I started thinking, I love that bit of my job more than my actual jobs. So that's how I started. I, yeah. Did I loved it? I was obsessed in it and, um, reading, um, I, I couldn't get enough of it. I couldn't get enough at helping people. And, um, people started to learn about it in a Z and I used to get phone calls from people. I didn't know. And, um, they used to say, we heard you are the job whisperer and what I used to do. People get jobs and I loved it. So I co before I ever charged a dollar for my coaching, I coached over a thousand hours free. I've got it all documented. And all I did was help people, um, either how, you know, manage their nerves to get through an interview or have a conversation with their boss. Personal motivation. So that's how I got into it, then it, and it became an obsession and I got known for it. And then for the last five years of my career, I actually did it as a career where I did, um, coaching team building personal transformation events. But yeah. So ay gave me that opportunity in the last five years of my career to do that as

James Fricker: 7:05

That was very cool story and like one, a few things I picked up there. So sometimes people talk about like, um, making your mess your message. I don't know if you've heard that saying before, but it's it's you know where like you've, you've faced the, a problem. That's. So difficult for you that others find easy, but then when you learn how to do it, you now have this perspective of how to approach the problem and, and things in a way that others really can't appreciate. And so it makes you able to explain and teach those kinds of things, um, in a lot more depth because you've had to wrestle with it more. And so I think that's definitely something that's come out of your story. I feel is that like having to sort of tackle that challenge so much. Mm.

Dave Lourdes: 7:47

Hundred percent. I, I, I, I'm a big believer in, uh, rock bottom will teach you, teach you things that mountaintops won't teach you. And when you're at rock bottom, uh, which I was it's. And unless, I mean, if, when people are hearing this, if someone's got social anxiety or they've had social phobia, whatever you wanna call it, they'll appreciate it is, um, Yeah. It, it, it negatively impacts every area of your life. So having to climb over the mountain of it, um, yeah, it was a brilliant teach. I wouldn't take it back for a

James Fricker: 8:25

Mm. No, it's super cool. it's it's really cool to see, like see people take, like go from something that's really inhibiting them and, and going from somewhere That's. not great and then really transforming it, and, becoming almost a superpower. So so well done. Uh, one thing you. had mentioned there as well was like, um, you there's a lot there, you know, reading the books. I think it's really great. But, um, you mentioned, um, spending 10% of your income on things. Like, you know, growing your skills and, and whatever. Is that something that you still do or is that something that you did for a period and then like, how does

Dave Lourdes: 8:59

I still do it now. I've been doing, since I was 19. So I, what, and, and obviously I, I look at what I need, um, now. And so I have two categories. What do I need now? And what do I need next? And, um, it's something I always recommend to all my private clients as, as well. Um, we actually have three categories. What do I need now? So what's important now. What's important next, and what's important next plus long term. So I think about something I, I might need or that I wanna work. Um, or that I see that's an issue for my clients. And my strategy is just to find someone who I think is the best of the best and whether that means getting plane or buying their programs or getting coaching. Um, yeah, I do that. And I'm a big believer in that. Now, James, the reason I do it, I can't believe how people would lose a mobile phone or something will happen to their car. And they'll just all of a sudden find the money and, and. Find the funds and wouldn't blink, you know, to, to do that. But for ourselves, like people are go, oh, that book's$40. You know, I can't, can I get it for five or 10? And I just feel like a lot of times I've got my observation is, um, the way we are in our careers or at work is the complete opposite to the way prof. Like when I think of professional, I think of sports. And I think we, my. Uh, drive is for people to flip that in their career. It's something that I did, because if we think about us in our jobs, we spend 90% on the field doing our stuff and playing, and 10% might be training. And then when we get that 10% training, we don't want to go cuz we already know it. Right. And we are jaded and all the rest of it. Whereas in, in the field of sports, they spend 90%. Coaching reflection, fine tuning, tidying up those messy corners to make them absolutely elite. And then they're 10% when they perform, they're always improving, improving, improving. And I see the corporate world is the opposite to that. So I know in my own business, um, yeah, I I've never let that obsession for, um, learning, um, I've I've just never dropped it, but I find it easy. I must admit as well, just cuz I enjoy it. And I just think that my observation is my perspectives or my insights or whatever I share here today. To me, it's applicable whether you are early in your career, whether you are emerging, whether you are experienced or whether you're established solid principles or solid principles in any weather and in any stage of your career. I think a lot of people, uh, treat their, my observation is their career is a bit like a hobby instead of a profession and professionals go to that nth degree to want to be the best. And, um, I get inspired by people like that, and that's informed a lot of my own behaviors around that.

James Fricker: 12:08

Yeah, no, I think that's a great thought. And I think, uh, when you think about sort of investing, like let's say, I like the 10% you're investing in yourself is probably like. Disposable income in the sense that you can sort of do whatever, whether it's save spend or whatever. So I think, uh, I've been thinking about this a fair bit recently where it's like the 10% or whatever percent you choose do sort of save that, uh, and perhaps get like five or 10% or whatever in the stock market even, or is it something you invest in yourself and. Can you generate some kind of return. So particularly for yourself with like your own business and things like that, where, you know, like getting learning one extra thing might do some like some multiple, uh, on your business. Right. And so it's, it's, it's be

Dave Lourdes: 12:56

Yeah, yeah. It's order. It's the, for me, the return is orders of magnitude. The beauty of obviously being, you know, a professional coach, speaker facilitator, like getting to work with people, uh, the result, the return can, can many times be instantaneous. So the return obviously have a commercial return that works for my business, but I'm in the people business say, say seeing the returns for them as well. So if I know notice people are struggling with something and it not, it doesn't necessarily mean coaching. So if I think. Um, when we all switched to doing zoom calls and everything went online, um, I used my 10% then to invest in a lot of equipment here. So, uh, when I do calls with people, I wanted to feel almost like I'm in the room. And I, so I actually got coaching on technical stuff about how to set up lights. Audio, all that sort of stuff. So it's because a lot of my clients, I couldn't get to them. I thought when we're, even if we are on camera, it's gotta be live. So it's always looking for that. It's hard to explain, like in my business, the returns or everything you do is almost, um, it's dictated and it's, it's a need from your clients. and it's good. Cuz it gives, it gives me things that I would never think about. I would never have thought about spending. So I need to spend$25,000 on equipment and I probably got ripped off. Cause I don't know what I'm doing. So if someone says buy something, I just buy it. so, um, yeah, it it's, it's a way to keep me on the edge. So the more and more, um, things my clients are grappling with and the more complex they get, it's something that. Okay. I'm gonna learn more about that now, or I'm gonna get invested in that, or I'm gonna find someone who's good at that and get coaching from them. Yeah. So that's how it works for me anyway. And I just wish more people did it in their career though.

James Fricker: 14:59

Um, no, It's an interesting, it's an interesting perspective. What do you think when you were like, I think you said you were 19, right? When you first started that, that process, what are the kinds of things that you would, you would, look for at that stage? Was it just more like books and like, you know, you said you went to a psychologist, those kinds of things, like what sort of things were you looking to? Like skills to improve at that?

Dave Lourdes: 15:22

You know, what's funny, James, what, what I was looking for back then, I still see now in my clients and it was confidence. If I was to line up a hundred of my clients. Uh, uh, and, and I coach and work with, um, diverse industries and diverse people. So some, um, I work with some people that are in the last two years of school, year 11 and 12, getting them ready for the corporate world. And I work with some people. Like I work with two CEOs. I work with people that run their own businesses, gyms, hairdressing, uh, a lot of people in banking law. They're hugely diverse. And, um, whether it's, and I mean, diverse in role in age, everything. And if I lined up a hundred of them, a hundred of them, the root cause of what people are working on is confidence and is what I was looking for early on when I had the social anxiety. And, um, I still see that that is the number one blocker for people is. There's three outcomes that I always recommend for people. Um, the out the first one is, um, really understanding and tapping into your innate strengths. The, the things that are almost like to use one of your words, your superpower. So to ask yourself, how do I show up as genuine standout talent? Cause what I see with a lot of people, when they might start to feel a little bit stuck, they try to work their way, their way out of it. And that's working hard, not. And the other end of that spectrum is what I would call, um, unleashing confidence. And that is still the number one thing, irrespective of where people are that I see people working on and that I was working on at the start, um, was many years of just confidence, confidence building. The second outcome that I always, uh, recommend for people to look at is what I would call. It's not just leadership is what I would call inspiring. Bold. When you are a leader, it's about inspiring that boldness in people you think about. I, I think about a little one, like if you think about Martin Luther king, he gets a million people to March in Washington, cuz he says, I have a dream. He didn't say, um, I have a plan like plans, four people. And it sounds like hard work. He boldness in people. And what I mean by that is look, I hate the word team building to me, put five people in the room. You've got a team, right? The, to me for. To be a leader is asking yourself, how do I unleash fearless contributors that are driven by a purpose where people will, you don't have to be there, cheerleading them and motivating them all the time they are. They unleash this fearless contribution and they're strongly driven by a purpose. As opposed to, and those sort of teams, um, move out of what I would call survival mode, where they start to really evoke the character in the team. And the third one is the one that I think people struggle with the most, at a bigger level, forget the internal blockage, which is change. So be an intentional change maker. You've heard that saying if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I hate that. Like, if it ain't broke, don't fix. It's ridiculous. Right? We wouldn't. Uber and Airbnb and all these other things without that. And for anyone in a, when you're in a role and no matter what you are doing is how can I create an impact that's transformational. So if you can create an impact, that's transformational, you know, you know, that's turning one. This is the, you know, um, caterpillar to butterfly, not, not a change, something that's transformational and that's. your, um, your litmus test or your scoreboard, you can't go wrong. Uh, cuz they're, they're the people that, uh, are more visible, more valuable and more connected in organizations. So going from all effort in a job to now impact to really expanding your influence, cuz a lot of people are putting in a lot of effort, but um, busyness is very different to achievement. So. They're the three outcomes for me that, um, that, that matter most. And I, I find myself, your question was about how do I choose what I'm gonna work on and what I started, I started with confidence and I find those three areas around innate strengths, inspiring boldness, and being an intentional change maker are the areas I'm always looking at for myself and that my clients are always looking for or to do something in that realm

James Fricker: 20:01

Yeah. Yeah. Well, the confidence piece is interesting. I wonder. Like how, how would someone go about, uh, improving their confidence? Like what does that look like? Cause I think one of the things that, that I think about with that is like confidence. Uh, like, so maybe first comes courage. Then you can be confident after that. So like, if you kind of need some, you know, once you're courageous and you like, it's like learning how to do something for the first time, like you can't be confident in, uh, tying issues for the first time. Well, tying issues if you've never done it before. Right. So I think having the courage to do those things allows you to be confident but I wonder if you have any thoughts on, on that and kind of becoming more confident in the kind of strategies that someone can can take to,

Dave Lourdes: 20:48

Yep. So, so you, you are bang on with the first one. So there's, to me, there's three parts, courage, conscious choice and consistency. So, first of all, so I'm just gonna pick public speaking because that's the one, that's the number one fear in the world. Right. And, uh, I know people can freak out some people having to, if your bosses away and they go, mate, can you run the team meeting? And you go, okay. And you're thinking, I don't wanna run the team meeting. Right. Uh, so if I look at a simple thing like that look is first of all, having courage. So, and what courage means is it's actually courage to yourself. Again, acknowledging going, this is something I need to fix. Uh, you can't change what you don't acknowledge. If you, I have to change this. And a lot of people know they need to change things, but to do something about it takes, you've gotta have the guts to do it. The next thing is you have to make a conscious choice. You have to, you can't, you can't sort of say, oh, I'll, I'll be courageous when I've had 10 hours sleep and it's 22 degrees and there's a slight breeze and I'm in a good mood. You you've gotta make the conscious choice to show up. And then, uh, the third one is consistency. I'm a big believer. And by the way, if you didn't do the first two, do the third one, cuz it's the most important is consistency. That's how you build confidence. So as an example, if. We take public speaking for an example, you don't just do one speech at your brother's wedding and go, okay, I've got that nailed. Now that that's that's one event that's not gonna make, or if you wanna get fit, you don't say, oh, I'll do my quarterly gym visit. That'll get that'll. You know, that'll really work for me. So, so long term consistency, always beats short term intensity. Short term intensity is getting fired up or watching. What was that? Michael Jordan, um, series that was on re um, the last dance watching something like that, or, um, you know, there used to be a show on television called the biggest loser. And I did some work in the fitness industry when the biggest loser came on, everyone went out and bought a treadmill, right. Which they, which research shows people use between three and seven times ever. Treadmills are awesome to hang your clothes on. If you need more

James Fricker: 23:05

Yeah,

Dave Lourdes: 23:05

space, by the way

James Fricker: 23:06

expensive though.

Dave Lourdes: 23:08

people go and short term intensity, is that getting fired up? Cuz you saw something, uh, is the so that's intensity or preparing cramming because you've gotta, you know, present at school or like I said, do a speech for your brother or whatever it may be. Um, Whereas consistency is, is doing the small things. When you really don't feel like doing them. So it's like, uh, I I'm an early riser and go to the gym every morning. It is really hard in winter. It's so easy in summer. Uh, so I get up, I get up at four 30 every day to, um, because that's the only time I can fit my exercise in with, with two kids. And, um, man, it's hard. You don't want to not do anything. And then wait till November, when the weather gets good and go, oh, I better get fit in the last 30 days before Christmas. So consistency. I I'm a big believer is the number one building block for confidence. But those three things, having the guts, I I'll give you another simple example. It's it's getting fit. It's just, no, it's actually acknowledging to yourself. The courage is to acknowledge to yourself and go, I need to make a change. I'm UN.

James Fricker: 24:23

Hmm.

Dave Lourdes: 24:24

The conscious choice is going to the gym and it's easy to go to the gym and get a program. That's what most people like about gonna the gym. They get their little fancy program and go, oh, on Monday, I'll do cardio. And on Wednesday I'll do boxing. And the third bit about consistency, actually consistency is actually going to the gym. There'll be people listening to this and watching theirs that have bought gym memberships and never used them.

James Fricker: 24:47

Mm.

Dave Lourdes: 24:47

Cuz they got fired up. There was some intensity. So courage, conscious choice, consistency. There simple ways to build courage. Having said that, um, with anything to do with people, uh, one size fits a nun. That's really the golden rule. Um, of course there's some standard principles, uh, but the way people go about it, it's a blend of those three things. But if I had to give one, it would be consistency. Find that thing and do it in a really small way and keep doing it. Like I said, like getting fit. Being healthy or eating right. Or meditating,

James Fricker: 25:24

Yeah, like, like you said, it's kind of like the gym, the gym analogy I feel can be applied. Many many, many things. Uh, you know, it's, it's all about like, there's just so many, like don't compare yourself to others, you know, be consistent, uh, like follow, like maybe track your progress as well. Uh, like maybe have some structure around like have some like time that you allocate towards doing it. You know, if you can sort of apply those kinds of principles to other things, uh, then you know, you can have a similar, similar successes in, in other areas. I think, um,

Dave Lourdes: 26:00

the only thing I will say Z, you know how I said one size fits none. I always compare myself to others. Uh, because I, for me that inspires me. Um, I don't get demoralized by it. So that for me works for me.

James Fricker: 26:14

yeah.

Dave Lourdes: 26:15

So when I see, and I'm always looking at, I think I'm worse than everyone at the gym. So it actually keeps me, I like, it keeps me motivated. Yeah.

James Fricker: 26:23

yeah, no, that's a good point

Dave Lourdes: 26:25

That works for me. That little one, anyway, that

James Fricker: 26:27

Yeah.

Dave Lourdes: 26:27

for me tracking stuff. I track every, I track my whole life on apps. So yeah, that the tracking, all that stuff works. But like I said, it's the combination. One, One, size fits none with all this stuff. It's finding the strategies, which ones work for you.

James Fricker: 26:43

Yeah, no, it's a great point, cuz yeah, I think there's a lot of, uh, like a lot of even advice that gets given. I think it's, it's almost like you need a, like, like you, you mentioned earlier, like with the book that you were reading and, and sort of creating your life, this kind of experiment where you would, you know, read the content or whatever, and then go and actually try stuff and see what actually happened. And I think that. That's critical instead of just, uh, reading something and being like, oh, that's how you do that. Cool. Uh, like next thing, um, you know, but really sort of, how does this apply to me? Like, what's my experience with this? Like, did it, did, did it work for, did it work for me? Because a lot of these things that might, you know, might work out out of a thousand people, it might work on average for most people, but, you know, uh, you, you still need to sort of try to test things at yourself. I think

Dave Lourdes: 27:29

I think readings the bit the implementing is the hard bit.

James Fricker: 27:32

mm. Yeah, I

Dave Lourdes: 27:34

Yeah, there there's, there's a lot of people that there's two camps there. There's what I call knowers. And there there's three camps. Really? There's the knowers, there's the learners that just are obsessed in learning. Like it's an addiction to insights. Uh, the knowers already know everything they cuz they learned the on Instagram or. Then there's the implementers and they're the people that actually take it. It's, you know what, I think it's a simple thing. Like imagine reading about a bike, if you've never, ever, if you had not seen a bike in your life. Um, so I have a race I used to do long bike rides. If you'd never seen one in your life and I. Brought one up now on the screen and, you know, had these little thin tires. And I said, oh, and you and I wrote, and I go, and I've written a book about it. And the book says, um, you need to, you know, sit on the seat and equally distribute your weight on both sides of the frame and keep the pedals working at a good revolution. So you don't fall over. You can read about that for days. And if I left you with the bike, you're not gonna be able to ride it. And on the other hand, you can then go. So that's what the knowers do. The guy. Yeah, I know that now I read that. Doesn't mean they can ride the bike, the learners of the type that they, um, they read their book and they go, now I'm gonna get another book. Now I'm gonna get another book. Now I'm gonna listen to a podcast and the implementers, they just get on the bike and have a crack and they fall over and they graze their knees and hopefully don't do any too much damage, but they'll be further in an hour. Then someone who can spend days and weeks researching something say implementing is critical. You know, there's, there's an old saying, well done is better than well said. And, and that stuck with me. And I'm, I'm a big believer in that.

James Fricker: 29:19

no, that's great. I'll I'll borrow that one. I think no, that's pretty cool. I like it. Um, a question I have for you is around. Like, I know some of the stuff you, you teach and help people with this sort of performing well and high performance in the workplace. And I wonder, I know this is, it might be hard to distill this down, but you know, perhaps different people at different stages wanna become, uh, you know, they're here and they wanna sort of they wanna go higher, take the next level, et cetera. I wonder if there's any common. um, things between, between people, things. that they, Uh, should improve to sort of increase their performance or things that you, you help people with. Uh, we, we spoke about confidence being a big one, but I wonder if there's there's anything there that, you know, that things that if people sort of unblocked themselves in these particular areas that would sort of elevate their performance.

Dave Lourdes: 30:08

Yeah, yeah. I, I think the first one is. There's four really powerful assumptions, uh, that we should all make. Um, the, uh, and I, I dunno whether they're leadership assumptions, but for me, they're very powerful assumptions. Um, number one is, um, you choose how you think you, you're not pre-programmed, um, this, the, then you, you choose how you communicate. So you are responsible for the words that come outta your mouth. Say it's thinking it's communication. No matter where you are, you have the capacity to change is the third one. And, uh, the fourth one is I'm a big believer and you can always improve. So that's the first assumptions. So, um, I choose how I think I choose how I communicate. Um, I can always improve and, um, I've got the capacity to change. So, So, they're the, for me, they're the first four things. And in my experience, working with people over many years now, I've been, um, I almost fell into coaching, like I've shared with you already because I read books. I started, I was gonna say sharing with people, shoved it down people's throats. Cuz I was so excited about what I was reading and then people started asking me advice. So I started falling into this coaching and mentoring just. Almost luck or, or, or through sharing it with my friends and I, and, and I've already mentioned this it's, it seems to be people. So the goal for all of us in an organization or in a business is how do I become more visible, uh, more valuable and more connected. And so always asking yourself, how do I ever get more visible, more valuable, more connected, and the three areas to think about. Uh, so first of all, are your personal development? That is, that is hands down the. To focus on first. I'll give you, I'll give you in what I think in order. Um, and what I mean by personal development, you, you know, the one about, you know, you're on the plane, there's a loss of cabin, pressure and altitude, a mask drops from the ceiling, put it on yourself first, before you start trying to help everyone else and get involved in other things and say, Hey, can I ever drink and get yourself right first? Um, so that's what I call, you know, great. And then the next one is the leadership part, which is, uh, the great, we so learn how to become a great leader. Now there's so many things around leadership. There's over 3000 leadership books produced, uh, every year. Uh, it's probably more now with, um, self-publishing and I think the simple one for leadership is just to ask yourself if everyone did what I did, would the team be better off? That's a real simple. So, first of all, personal development, second of all, you work on your leadership. And then the third one is now start to expand and work on having an impact or changing or transforming what you do within your organization. Like we know I'm a big sports fanatic, and I love seeing these players that have completely transformed, um, the sport because of the way they are, whether it's a certain type of football or the way someone goes. Their cricket. Um, I, I, I was gonna give football examples, but I'd only be giving Hawthorne examples. So I won't do that. I'm, put people off. I'm a math Hawthorne fan. So, uh, who do you Barry for? By the way?

James Fricker: 33:31

a Crow man.

Dave Lourdes: 33:34

Ah,

James Fricker: 33:35

It's unfortunate at the moment, but, uh

Dave Lourdes: 33:37

Well, you know what, when, when, when the crows played horse, I don't know if you know, in 19, you weren't born 1991. When the crows came into the league, The first match they ever played at football park was against Hawthorne. And I think we lost by 85 points

James Fricker: 33:53

well, there you go.

Dave Lourdes: 33:54

and we went, we went, on to win

James Fricker: 33:57

Yeah.

Dave Lourdes: 33:58

that years as a side note. so, so I, I, so that third one, like I said, it's first is about focus on some personal development. Great me great. We, so team stuff and then us. So me, we, and then. So focusing having your outward focus and it could be around, you could be doing something about shifting the way things are done in an industry or transforming the way just a process is being done. Um, but I'm a big believer in focusing on those three areas of the, um, personal leadership and then organizational or change, but always, um, yeah, start with yourself first. Um, and I've said this just tidy up the messy corners in your behavioral makeup. So that's always the first step. And, um, if, if, and if I was to think about within personal development, um, one of the high selling social science books in the world is emotional intelligence by Daniel Goldman. Uh, I, I couldn't think of a better, I've read over 700 books just cuz I'm a nerd and it is my top five books of all time

James Fricker: 35:07

Yeah.

Dave Lourdes: 35:08

and a great place to.

James Fricker: 35:09

Mm. Yeah. That's cool after, uh, get, get that one out and have a read but have to pick your knowledge

Dave Lourdes: 35:17

a really

James Fricker: 35:17

Yeah. Which books you enjoy the most.

Dave Lourdes: 35:20

look. The, the, I would, uh, the seven habits are highly effective people, um, by Stephen Covey, emotional intelligence, uh, think and grow rich by Napoleon hill is another amazing book mindset by Carol Dweck. And there's a. If ever you are feeling like life's tough. There's a book called man search for meaning by Victor Frankel. Uh, he was incarcerated in Auschwitz just to read his story. Uh, that was transformational for me, reading that I've never felt like a victim again and never felt sorry for myself, but I always think what he went through is, is, is mind bending.

James Fricker: 35:59

Mm

Dave Lourdes: 35:59

Um, you know, coming back from adversity was incredible.

James Fricker: 36:03

mm. No, no. I've, I've read that one, I think. Yeah. It's an incredible story. Um, for sure.

Dave Lourdes: 36:09

I think someone just bought the rights to it. I dunno who that wants to some famous Hollywood person. They want to make it into a movie. An incredible,

James Fricker: 36:17

Mm.

Dave Lourdes: 36:18

I don't know about you. I never like to watch a movie after I've read the

James Fricker: 36:20

Yeah, true. Especially not one, not one like that If it'd be an interesting movie, I feel

Dave Lourdes: 36:26

yeah. I dunno how they do it by the incredible book.

James Fricker: 36:29

No for sure. That's really cool. Uh, I think, you know, reading is so important. It's something that I try and do, uh, as well, not as, not as consistently as you but you know, I've tried to tried to read, I think it's important to sort of get knowledge from, uh, you know, this there's like the ways of learning. Like I can try and learn something myself, or I can ask a friend or I can, the, maybe the, the next best thing is reading about things and learning about things from people that are outside your, I. Circle.

Dave Lourdes: 36:58

Yeah. Yeah.

James Fricker: 36:59

of have the courses, books, these videos, whatever this kind of way of learning I think is, uh, can be really useful and you can sort of

Dave Lourdes: 37:07

And I, Ted talks a lot. I love watching them and and learning things that I, I particularly love learning in from things that are completely outside, uh, my own industry or the industry that I'm, um, working with. So if I'm working with, um, I don't know, BHP, even some mining thing or in a finance team. I like to find a example or story or inspiration from outside of that. Um, look, I think like a little thing, like banking, like, I don't know where the rule was that banks are only gonna be open between, you know, nine and four, Monday to Friday is making an assumption that people are gonna be there. And then when we got more service oriented people from different backgrounds going, hang on. I can go and get a burger at 10 o'clock at night. And you know, I, I, I work shifts. I can do this say I think taking things from other industries, or even if you think about, uh, well before your time, James, cuz you are too young. If you like the song from an artist, you have to buy the whole CD. You don't have to do that. Now it's the playlist economy, right? You're going, I want that one, that one and that one. I don't want the risk and that's what I'll get. So I, I think finding examples from what other people. Doing in other industries, you can always translate into going, right. How can I apply that to my career or my business or my team?

James Fricker: 38:28

Yeah, no, I think that's where a lot of like innovation comes from is from

Dave Lourdes: 38:32

Yeah.

James Fricker: 38:33

people doing things in one area and that gets applied to a new area. And then that's, that's like the ideas it's not necessarily. Inventing something completely from scratch completely. There's just nothing similar. Um, it's, you know, usually it's something that's been iterated on in a, different area. and that's now being used in a, in a, new way. Uh, and that that's the new thing. Mm.

Dave Lourdes: 38:55

It's a hundred percent.

James Fricker: 38:57

Yeah. Cool. Well, I've got a couple, well, maybe one more question for you, cause we're nearly at time, but, um, the question for you is I ask all the guests that come in the show, this, and we've got graduate theory aimed at sort of uni students, early professionals. I wonder for yourself, um, looking back to who you were at in, in the early years of your career and, and, thinking what you were like at that stage, is there any advice that you would. The Dave Lords that, you know, that was sort of just starting out in his career or is there any advice you'd give young people sort of starting their career today?

Dave Lourdes: 39:34

Have you gotten time for another podcast? Cause mate, my whole, my whole career and life has been a whole, I was gonna say a movie, a series of mistakes. So I'll tell you some of the ones I look back on that I, I, I wish I changed. I'm only grappling because I have so many. So I'm thinking you shouldn't speak up or participate because you you're too young or don't know. Or it's not your area of expertise? Um, I think one of the most important things that, um, I wish I did earlier and more often was, um, scaling gratitude and empathy. I don't think you can ever say thank you enough. And also caring about people. I, I would say I was, I overly goal oriented when I started and, um, wanted to, um, you know, it was driven by ego to work on the big projects and, um, Feel good about myself. I work in these ridiculous hours, um, that was working hard, not smart, but having more of that empathy and understanding that everyone's different, um, being more grateful, um, having an unhealthy ego, um, sometimes asking, I, I wouldn't ask questions cuz I go, oh, well that make me look stupid. If we all did that, no one had asked any questions. Right. And, uh, so I think asking questions early on, um, a little one actually is, um, attend work events, like not attending work events. Um, I think is a cm, um, not attending work events. Um, a CLM is a career limiting move. Um, you've got, you are part of the team and. You know, it's no different to social events. Sometimes, you know, you can't be bothered or you're tired or whatever it may be. I think it's important to make the time to, to do that. Um, um, I would've focused earlier and faster now I'm a manic. I, I love building relationships with people. I'm obsessed in that. And, um, I did that in my career as well. Uh, but I would've started that earlier, building genuine relationships. And, um, I'm a big believer. And if you don't schedule something, it won't. So in this example, if you say I'm gonna read more, unless you do it at a certain time, I'm a big believer in it won't happen. Or if someone says I'm gonna exercise. Um, so I know for me, um, my exercise time Monday to Friday is 4:30 AM. And on Saturdays is six 30. Am I sleep in a little bit? And on Sunday I have rest. So actually scheduling stuff. I think one of the most powerful things you can say to people that I wouldn't say back then, that I wish I started saying earlier is I don't know. Um, instead of pretending I know or thinking, I know, and then having to go away and, um, research it or something like that. I think that's an important one. Um, expect to get stuck. Just expect that it's gonna happen. It's gonna happen, happens to all of us. It happens to us now. Um, I would've asked for, um, help earlier and faster. Uh, it's something that I definitely didn't do. Um, and also for is, uh, I'm gonna say don't take a local issue and globalize it. And what I mean by that is when you are being stuck is temporary. Uh, but it's a stain, it's not a tattoo. And, um, by the way, I wish I knew all this back then. Um, the other one that I learned actually from having a personal trainer, I don't know if you've ever had a personal trainer. Um, that's an industry you want to get into because a personal trainer, when you think you are dead, they go five more and you hate them and you swear under your breath, at least I do. And then you give them money and come back next week. Uh, but the train of mindset in my mind, They're always, they always say, come on. Just one more, just one more. And when I first got a personal trainer, I remember his name was Michael that really stuck with me a banging year. So whenever I think that I've reached my limit is just one more, just one more. And, um, yeah, that that's helped me a lot. And if I could only pick one thing, James, it would be, um, self-awareness is king. Um, I've already talked about emotional intelligence. And within that, they talk about four or five different markers of emotional intelligence. And for me, um, self awareness is the beast. That's the one, if you are, if you can master that, you, you, your master, your life, not knowing what excites you, knowing what deflates you. Knowing what throws you off track, knowing what gets you back on track, um, knowing how you respond when you are confronted, uh, and your confidence goes down. So self-awareness, uh, if I could only pick one out of all those, that was the one I wish I learned, uh, earlier for sure. And I wish I got a coach earlier, too. You better stop me. I'll bring more wishes up.

James Fricker: 44:52

Well, we're right at the end now. So I wonder, uh, firstly, I wanna say thank you so much for, for coming in sharing your wisdom. It's been super, super fascinating and I've got so many takeaways from, from, from our chat, so really appreciate it. Um, well

Dave Lourdes: 45:07

Thank you Dave. It's a hundred percent. My pleasure.

James Fricker: 45:10

but before we go, though, I do wanna. You know, is there anywhere so people are listening, they wanna find out more about yourself, uh, is where should they go?

Dave Lourdes: 45:18

Uh, well, my website's being done at the moment, but they can get@davelords.com. Uh, we can connect on LinkedIn. Uh, and in Facebook I have a book called, I talked about using the, uh, my experience as, uh, as experiments before I have a private Facebook group called the, um, uh, the leaders lab. And. I post things regularly in the, in the leaders lab, it's a private book on private group on Facebook. If they send me an invite, they accept them all. And, um, I post stuff in there. Just little free bits of information, usually related to something around personal growths leadership or, or change. So yeah, that's some of the places they could, uh, yeah. Find out some stuff.

James Fricker: 46:00

Fantastic. Well, yeah, thanks so much, mate. Appreciate it. Uh, and I, Hey, thanks is

Dave Lourdes: 46:06

awesome. I love what you're doing to help people. This is awesome. It's awesome.

James: 46:18

thanks for listening to this episode I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. If you want to get my takeaways, the things that I learned from this episode, please go to graduate theory.com/subscribe, where you can get my takeaways and all the information about each episode, straight to your inbox. Thanks so much for listening again today, and we're looking forward to seeing you next week.