6 Ways to Heal Your Relationship After An Argument Part 2

At any moment an argument can burst on the scene in a Relationship. Words will be stated that could hurt and send the other Mate into a defensive mode where they start saying a few choice words to reciprocate the pain that is pulsating through them after the barrage of the heartbreaking words they received. The funny thing about everything I said is that there will be opportunities to ask each other for forgiveness. Yes, there can be Forgiveness! Whether you want to forgive your Mate is one thing, but moving forward after the tense interchange may be something altogether different. The Relationship Therapy Podcast will encounter the after effects of an Argument. In this Episode, Tony will finish up with the final 3 Ways to Heal Your Relationship After An Argument! You are going to Love this one!

6 Ways to Heal Your Relationship After An Argument Part 2

1.  It's Best to Take Ownership of Your Part in the Argument

2.  Now It's time to Get to the Root of the Problem

3.  Examine the Emotional Triggers That Brings Forth the Arguments

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:02

At any time, an argument could burst on the scene in a relationship. Words will be stated that could hurt and send the other mate into a defensive mode where they start saying a few choice words to reciprocate the pain that is pulsating through them after the barrage of the heartbreaking words that they have received from their mate. The funny thing about that is everything that I said is true. Arguments will start, but there will be opportunities to ask each other for forgiveness. Yes, there can be forgiveness. Whether you want to forgive your mate is one thing. But moving forward after the forgiveness, after the tense exchange, after the argument may be something altogether different. The relationship therapy podcast will encounter the after effects of an argument.

SPEAKER_00: 1:08

You've tuned into the Relationship Therapy Podcast with Tony Miller Sr. A podcast designed for couples who are married, couples who are dating, and have marriage in their future. We will guide you to the principles that will make your relationship better. Stick around. You might just learn something that will help your relationship last longer, grow stronger, and become healthier. Now, here's your host, Tony Miller Sr.

SPEAKER_01: 1:44

Hello everybody. This is your host, Tony Miller Sr., and welcome to another episode of the Relationship Therapy Podcast. I want to start out this episode with an apology. I apologize for not dropping a new episode uh earlier than this one. I had contracted COVID. Matter of fact, my wife and I both, and we were out of commission. So I am going to make it up to you. I'm going to drop this one for you. And then in a few days, I'm going to drop the final episode of season three and the final episode of 2023. Okay, so here we go. In the last episode, we covered the first three of the six ways to heal your relationship after an argument. In this episode, I will give you the next three, but before we go any further, we have to do what we call a quick recap of what I was talking about in the previous episode. Then we'll move on to the next three from there. Here we go with the first three that I talked about in the previous episode. Number one, we talked about you both should take a timeout in order to calm down. I find that it's best that once there's a flare-up, there's an argument, there's a major disagreement, getting to a place of timeout so cooler heads can prevail is very important. The second thing we talked about was make sure to extend an olive branch to your mate. And all that is, is just saying, I'm sorry. Apologize for maybe some inflammatory words that were exchanged, but make sure you do it, whether your mate does it or not. And then the third thing we talked about was actively share your point of views on the matter. And what I meant by that is that make sure your mate gets an opportunity to have the floor so they can say what's on their mind. And while they're saying it, you are actively listening. And then when it's your turn and you're expressing your views on the matter, they should be actively listening to you. Now that's what we shared last episode. Here, now let's move on to the next three. As we finished the six ways to heal your relationship after an argument. Here we go. Here's the first way I want us to talk about the six ways to heal your relationship after an argument. Here it goes. Number one, it's best to take your ownership of your part in the argument. Let me say it again. It's best to take ownership of your part in the argument. After both parties have said their peace, you both should take ownership over your part in the argument. This will help heal some wounds that may have been left after the argument. The truth is, arguments are tough and they can take a lot out of you and can do some real damage to a promising relationship only if you allow it. Each of you played a part in the argument. You need to own your part, whether your mate does it or not. Let me say something that could ruffle a lot of feathers. To me, arguments are not these few-word flare-ups, but are instead longer combative disagreements that seem to last much longer than those 30 seconds or 60 seconds flare-ups. I believe we get confused about what an argument is and what an argument isn't. Taking ownership and responsibility for your actions, your part, is an important step toward making your relationship healthy. Doing so is an empowering reminder that you have control over your role and how you use that role during the argument. Taking responsibility creates trust and dependability. When you take responsibility for your actions, for your behaviors, you demonstrate to your partner your willingness to be honest and to be vulnerable with them, which in turn encourages your partner to be open, honest, and vulnerable with you, and also authentic with you. All that does is help the relationship get better. Truly taking ownership requires a willingness to experience and acknowledge our imperfections. Ultimately, it means we have to give up defending ourselves, to step out from behind the shield of our victimhood and recognize our capacity to hurt one another. This is how you start the healing process. You're letting your mate know that all that was said was not stated in a way that leads you to believe everything is wrong, but that you're human and humans make mistakes we're not perfect. That's just a plain old fact. Own those facts. Here's number two after you both have taken ownership, here's what needs to happen next. Now it's time to get to the root of the problem. This step right here is going to be the most excruciating of all the steps we talked about. You're going to hear things about yourself that very well could start another argument. But that's what's needed in order for each of you to get better for your relationship. Truth is, we never like to hear any of the bad news about ourselves or bad things stated about us. Nobody does. But we still have to go back to the point that we're not perfect. We seem to forget that every now and then we've got to go back to the point we're not perfect. You may have to check your feelings at the door in order for this to work out best. Another thing that we have to think about is whether this is an ongoing argument that seems to rear its head over and over again and it seems to spoil our relationship. Or is it one of those new pop-up arguments that just had to happen? For whatever it is, the argument happened, and now two hearts are wondering if the relationship still exists. If they are continual arguments, it is imperative that we get it solved. It has been slowly killing the relationship from the inside. The best results will come if both have learned to talk rather than yell or scream at each other. This is also a time to be honest with your partner during this whole process. Being honest doesn't mean being brutal to your mate. Can I repeat that statement again? Being honest doesn't mean being brutal to your mate. Another helpful hint to make sure this will go the way it is designed to go is by setting up some boundaries. In other words, you're trying to get to the root of the argument, but you're not trying to dissect every word that your mate said during the argument. Too often we miss the value of this process by holding on to words and trying to figure out the whys of the words instead of getting to the facts of the argument. The assignment is finding out why we keep arguing. That, my friend, is the most important factor. And here is number three, here is way number three of how to heal your relationship after an argument. Examine the emotional triggers that brings forth the arguments. Examine the emotional triggers that brings forth the arguments. It goes without saying that conflict will exist in relationships. For some couples, it might not exist as much as it does with other couples. However, there will be some type of conflict. Oftentimes, arguments start because a mate has been triggered by something said, something done, or maybe even something not done by their mate. There have been several ideas about the psychology of what could be the triggers that leads to arguments. But what I have found to be a good belief system is that many of these arguments come from being constantly and continually triggered. I guess I should just plainly call it negative communication. Negative communication tends to provoke a negative response from your mate. The kind of negative communication that I'm talking about falls under three basic categories. Here they are. Number one, you're triggered when you're criticized constantly by your mate. Let me explain. Being criticized by your mate over the long haul brings criticism to the forefront of the relationship. Very often there is a misunderstanding of what criticism really is. Criticism is not a complaint. Let me say that again, and I want you to hear that. Criticism is not a complaint. Here's an example. One night my wife was walking the dog late in the evening. She said she was going to walk the dog around the house, but it was taking an awfully long time for her to just give the dog a few walks around the house. And then I went outside. She had walked down the neighborhood. Now our neighborhood is a safe neighborhood, but still it's after nine o'clock at night, and she nor the dog could be found. But once I had found her, here was my complaint, and it was a loving complaint. I said, baby, you should have let me know that you were going down the road, because in my expectation, you should have been back in the house. Now, the way that was given, it was given as a loving complaint, but not criticism. I could have chosen to criticize, but instead of triggering an argument, I lodged a loving complaint. Here's number two. This one corresponds with the first one. This trigger is called defensiveness. Mates will become defensive when there is a heavy amount of criticism coming their way. One of the mates becomes defensive to help them combat the attacks that seems to be, at least in their opinion, never ceasing. It is almost inevitable that an argument will start because the defendant mate will become weary of what is being stated to them. And then an argument begins. Here's trigger number three, and that is rejection. Nobody wants to feel the sting of rejection. Now, one of the reasons why rejection is such a problem and it leads to arguments. One of the mates, if not both, have suffered a great deal of rejection in their lives. Maybe, maybe in their childhood they were rejected a lot. Maybe one of the mates had to grow out, grow up without one of their parents, and they already have a sense of rejection about themselves. So what happens when you reject your mate? It isolates the mate from the one that they love, and anger starts to build up, and then it explodes into a full-blown argument. As long as there is a willing and even sometimes unwilling partner. These triggers add fuel to an argument that places a lot of pressure on a relationship, but the best relationships can handle it to make them better mates toward each other, and they are equipped for the long haul in their relationship. The question I have for you is this Are you a mate equipped for what an argument could do to your relationship? If your answer is no, you may need to seek counseling. You may need to listen more to the Relationship Therapy podcast. But if your answer is yes, you are preparing yourselves with love in mind. That, my friend, is an awesome way to approach life after an argument. I'm pretty confident that you'll find peace approaching life after arguments that way. Well, that's all I have for you today. I hope you enjoyed it. We've got one more episode and we're ending season three, and we're getting ready to have some even better stuff for you in season four. But thank you for listening. Thank you for being a part of the Relationship Therapy podcast. We hope that we're bringing you some good stuff and information that you can use on your own relationship. Well, as always, in closing, please remember it takes two to make a relationship work.

SPEAKER_00: 18:17

Thank you for listening to the Relationship Therapy Podcast with Tony Miller Sr. We hope you have enjoyed this episode. Tune in next time for more insight on how to make your relationship better. If you have any questions, please email us at tmrelationship therapy at gmail.com. We would love to hear from you. Until next time, remember, it takes two to make the relationship work.