The Steps Needed To Fight Against Divorce

It wasn't that long ago that you two were standing in front of the preacher sharing your vows with one another. You were announced as Husband & Wife. Everyone will remember the glorious wedding you had. Now it looks as though you both have forgotten about the for Better or Worse part of the vows. You are now half way to finalizing your divorce from each other. You both want to abolish what seemed like a perfect Relationship. How did this happen? What started the process that would end a seemingly Good Relationship? Can counseling help? Where is the Love now? What caused this to happen in the first place? There are so many questions that we are looking for the answers to regarding how did this Couple get to wanting to divorce each other. Take a listen a find out "The Steps Needed To Fight Against Divorce!"

1. Find Out the Causes of the Divorce

2. Take a Deep Dive into Yourself

3.  Build Boundaries While Trying to Rebuild

4. Put in the Time & Work Needed for Success



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Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:02

It was not too long ago. There you both were standing apart from each other, staring each other in the eyes, and there was so much glee. You were there for the world to see how much love you both shared with one another. The minister stated the vows, and both of you repeated what the minister said. Then you were presented to the church as husband and wife. This was a day that many will never forget. But fast forward a few years, and it seems like you both have forgotten the part in the vows that said for better or for worse. Now you're looking to abolish the marriage and the relationship all at once. How did this happen? How did you get to this point? You look like the perfect couple, but now you both won't out and won't out fast. Where is the love that you once shared? Can't you work it out through counseling? Have you tried to work it out together? What is the cause of the divorce? These are definitely some questions that need some answers as well as a whole lot more. The Relationship Therapy Podcast attempts to expose some answers in the steps needed to fight against divorce.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29

You've tuned into the Relationship Therapy Podcast with Tony Miller Sr. A podcast designed for couples who are married, couples who are dating, and have marriage in their future. We will guide you to the principles that will make your relationship better. Stick around. You might just learn something that will help your relationship last longer, grow stronger, and become healthier. Now, here's your host, Tony Miller Sr.

SPEAKER_01: 2:04

Hello everybody. This is your host, Tony Miller Sr., and welcome to another episode of the Relationship Therapy Podcast. I'm so glad you tuned in because there is a serious episode that I'm releasing to you today. I've been waiting until this season, season four, to talk about it. This episode could be deemed controversial at best and possibly negative at worst. The word divorce has seeped its way into so many marital relationships. The sad but true fact is that divorce has become weaponized within some marriages. I have found it to be used as a weapon that is threatened by one or both partners in their marital relationship. With this being true, how can you expect a relationship to actually last when this weapon is being thrown around all loosely? Now, I'm not some naive pastor that believes everything is perfect in relationships. Keep in mind that I've been married for over 35 years myself, and there has always been some ups and downs over those 35 years, but love has always remained. In those 35 years and in other marriages, roots are trying to take place in relationships. These roots, if not handled correctly, can grow into a dramatic problem that could send the relationship reeling from the pain that the roots have caused. So I say to you, don't let these plants take root in your relationship. Because once they do, they're going to grab a hold of your relationship and they possibly won't even let go. So for the next few minutes or so, I want to talk to you about the steps needed to fight against divorce. Are you ready to go on this ride with me? Well, let's go. As we get ready to look at the steps needed to fight against divorce, we must understand divorce has tragically ended so many relationships. If both parties don't fight, you're going to lose something special. So here's the first point I want to make. What are some of the causes of divorce? Before we go any further, we must understand and get a grasp on what are the causes of divorce. Because if we don't know the causes, it's going to be hard to explain how to get out of the issues. The number one cause of divorce is infidelity. It has destroyed so many relationships along the way as couples headed toward marital bliss, but then somebody fell off and cheated. One of the mates got sidetracked, and this causes a devastating blow to the other mate. Being cheated on by the person who vowed to remain faithful to you forever is a bitter pill to swallow. And most people consider this to be unforgivable. In fidelity doesn't always lead to divorce, but it does destroy how you see your relationship. Infidelity is not an automatic divorce situation. However, it complicates the entire relationship. Another cause of divorce is communication problems. Communication is essential in any relationship, and it is needed in a marital relationship. And without healthy communication habits, spouses may run into issues with resentment, frustration, and misaligned expectations. I have discovered that communication opens doors that were previously closed because of your lack of communicating with your mate. And here's the third one: financial problems within the relationship. People will always have some type of financial problems. It could be how much you spend or not having enough to spend. Take your choice. It all causes a problem. Simply put, tensions over personal finances can be a significant source of friction. If spouses have different desires with regard to financial lifestyles, different values when it comes to saving and spending, or even different long-term financial goals, it can lead to marital conflict. It shouldn't take you to the divorce court. But what I've given you are only just three causes of divorce. There are so many more, but I wanted to limit my time so I could give you some of the other things needed to fight against divorce. The second point I want to make is you both must deep dive yourselves. In order to at least slow down the momentum of divorce, why don't you both take a deep dive look at yourselves? Find out what has pushed you to this decision in the first place. This will help you to be able to analyze you individually. Did you hear what I said? Analyze yourself and find out what part you played in getting your relationship to this point. Often while going through the problems in our relationships, we never stop to look at the I problem that we added to the relationship. We choose to want to point at our mates. I believe this relationships don't automatically break up because of one person. One of the most prolific things that I've discovered is it is two people in a relationship, and it's two people that's helping break down the relationship. During this process, you can see some of the bad turns or exits that you made pertaining to your relationship problems. This is not the time to highlight your mates' faults and all of their failures, but instead investigate all of yours. It's nothing like discovering what role you played in the fall of your relationship. It can be humbling to see that the problem that you had is written all over you. And this whole time you had placed all that blame on your significant other. Please listen to me. Relationships are hard and require a lot of work to be successful, but the work comes from both spouses, not just one. Keep that in mind while you take a deep dive into yourself. The more you both realize where you went wrong and can own it, truly own it, the more opportunity there is for the relationship to work. If you are brave enough, write down everything that you see about yourself that has caused harm to your relationship. And then come together with your mate and share it with them. That's only if you're brave enough. And once you two are together, remember this is not an I told you so session. No, it's a personal deep dive into yourself. This will help you both see the foundational cause of your problems. It is really easier when you both do it together. And is usually when both of you have stopped working on the relationship, that's when your relationship goes bad. So work on it together and deep dive yourselves individually. The third thing I want to talk about in the steps needed to fight against divorce is create boundaries as you work with each other. During divorce processes, both parties are urged to set boundaries for the process. How about we swing it differently? If we are still trying to work it out, how about we set boundaries as we're trying to work out the relationship? We all know that certain parts of the relationship is broken. That's no secret, or you wouldn't be having the issues that you currently have in the first place. But while trying to rediscover the love that you once had, set up some boundaries for the repair. The last point I made about deep diving yourself, it's important that none of what you discover is used as a weapon to close the door on the relationship. You almost have to see them as facts that you both know but currently don't need to address. Now, this is going to be hard because this setting of boundaries as you attempt to rediscover one another can be a strong catalyst toward approaching your desired goal of recommitting to each other. Boundaries may not work in all cases. However, boundaries serve as a tool for facilitating healing and the recovery process. They provide a sense of control in a situation that often feels uncontrollable. Boundaries help to prevent further emotional damage and harm. By defining what is acceptable and what is not, you can create a safe space for yourself where healing can still occur while working the problem out. It's important to remember that setting boundaries is not about controlling the other person's behavior, but it is about defining your own needs and ensuring that they are met. It might be challenging at first, but with time and practice, it can become a powerful tool for navigating your discovery and moving toward a healthier future together. We're about ready to step into point number four, but before we do, let's do a quick backtrack. The first point I wanted to make was what are some causes of divorce? Once you do a deep dive in and learn what each of you is about, you can find out that those causes is really hurt you. The second thing is you both must deep dive yourselves. In other words, find out what you did in the relationship that helped it head toward divorce. Number three, we just went over is create boundaries as you work with each other. You're working together, but you're still trying to create a boundary to keep from the hurt resurfacing while you're trying to put it back together. And here is the fourth one: putting in all the work that it takes. Finally, we've come to this. After the deep dive into yourselves and then setting boundaries, now is the crucial time in putting all the work in that it takes. I hope you both know that everything comes with time and perfect timing. This may or may not be the time to try to slip into the bedroom and reminisce about those times because what it does, it gives a negative flavor to your significant other, thinking that this rediscovery is all about the bedroom. Take it slow as you are basically learning each other again. Yes, there are things you already know, but maybe you should try to learn it again in a different way. If one or the other has totally changed, this is still going to try to be an opportunity for you to work it out. Slowly but surely, take your time to learn about that different person that your mate has become. There's been a lot of damage done to this one-time great relationship. Treat it as such. This final process may be about dating all over again so that you can begin to develop feelings for each other again. Remember, there could be some sore areas or rough spots that still affects them. Tread lightly into the pain gently and slowly eases away. You both will need to be full of patience in order to carry this assignment through to the level that hopefully both of you are desiring to get to. Like anything else, there will be some setbacks that will make this whole rediscovery take longer than expected. You have to remember what you're doing this for. You want what you lost somewhere in the past. And if you want it, you have to ask yourself these two big questions. The first question is, do I want this relationship back? And then the second question is, is this relationship really worth it? If your answer to both questions is yes, it's time to go to work because you both must not leave any stone unturned to try to get your relationship back. Now keep this in mind I'm not saying it will go back to how you remember, but it could go toward something even more special. So keep that in mind also. So there you have it, the steps needed to fight against divorce. Divorce is running rampant. Despite what you hear, that it's 50%, it still hovers correctly around 40 to 43 percent. That's too high. Also, both parties may not want to put in the work that it takes to get back to what they need to have. Still, there may be some relationships that are better off broken in times of abuse or continuous infidelity, and no effort is there to change or to get better, it is best to move on from the relationship. In these cases, we allow God to have the final say. Thank you for listening. We appreciate you joining us for this episode. And if you have any comments or questions that you may want to ask me, please get in touch with me at tmrelationshiptherapy at gmail.com. That's all we got for you today. But as always, in closing, remember it takes two to make a relationship work.

SPEAKER_00: 18:38

Thank you for listening to the Relationship Therapy Podcast with Tony Miller Sr. We hope you have enjoyed this episode. Tune in next time for more insight on how to make your relationship better. If you have any questions, please email us at tmrelationship therapy at gmail.com. We would love to hear from you. Until next time, remember, it takes two to make the relationship work.