"Barely Hanging On"

This Episode will melt your heart because of the reality of it. Tony talks about Couples who have reached an uncertain point in their Relationship. They are finding that they are arguing more, they are distancing themselves from each other, and they are having less and less conversation. In Barely Hanging On, Tony reveals the dangerous point in a Relationship for the Couple to be dwelling in together. However, this seems to happen to more and more Relationships and they don't know how to rescue themselves from it! In order to push past where they are, it is going to take for them to want to fight for their Relationship. If both really want it to work, it is going to take both of them working together.

Signs of Barely Hanging On

1. There's a Breakdown in Communication

2. Tension is Constant

3. Emotional Distance

4. Low Effort & More Negativity is Present

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Have you ever walked into your house and felt like the air was heavy? It felt like everything was all wrong. It's like you're sharing the same space, but not the same heart. But that's what it feels like when a relationship is heading south. You or your mate, you don't know what the problem is. You've invested time together, but you're no longer communicating as you should. Something is drastically wrong within your relationship. But no one can place their finger on the exact problem. All you understand is that it's not working properly, and something has to be broken, but you're still there, and that's good. The relationship therapy podcast is going to talk about barely hanging on in your relationship.

SPEAKER_01: 1:13

Everyone, listen up because it's time for the Relationship Therapy Podcast with your host, Tony Miller Sr. and co-host, Valerie Miller. They are going to do their best to take your relationship to the next level. Whether you are married or whether you are dating, Tony and Valerie are going to give you the artifacts and the principles you need to strengthen your relationship. Now here are your hosts, Tony and Valerie.

SPEAKER_00: 1:54

Hello everybody. This is your host, Tony Miller Sr., and welcome to another episode of the Relationship Therapy Podcast. I am so glad that you are with us for this particular episode. There are so many relationships that are suffering from the exact thing that I'm going to talk about today. People have been hurt over and over because they feel like there is nowhere for them to turn, and they cannot do anything for their relationship to get to the foundation of what's the problem. Couples get to this point and start believing that their relationship is now on life support, and they don't think that they will survive. In this episode, we're talking about barely hanging on. Have you ever felt that you or your mate are to the point of barely hanging on to whatever's left in your relationship? If you have, you're not alone. Nearly 35% of couples struggle with this feeling of doom in their relationship. But the problem is this: not many are willing to put the work in to keep the relationship going. And instead, they pull themselves apart instead of pulling themselves out of the dungeon and recover the fresh love that is waiting to happen. This is going to be a two-part episode in order to thoroughly handle this dangerous rut that the relationship goes through. In this episode, we are going to take a look at the signs of a relationship that's barely hanging on. And in the next episode, we are going to be talking about escaping the barely hanging on syndrome. Are you ready to get started? If so, let's go. I understand that you're barely hanging on, but listen, these are the signs of barely hanging on. Here's number one. There's a breakdown in communication. I'm sure that most of you are saying, there he goes again, talking about communication. I hope you can understand that I can't stress enough the importance of strong communication in any relationship. This could mean a romantic relationship with your partner, your family members, work, or even relationships within your local churches or any other organization that you're a part of. Communication unlocks doors that brings happiness and respect to that relationship. However, when there is not strong communication, the relationship can start feeling dry and brittle. And we all know what happens to things when they become too brittle. They break, and then there has to be a lot of repairing done that will take a long time to heal. This happens frequently in relationships that have been together longer than 10 years. The conversations between them have become short and narrow in scope and meaning within their relationship. It's as if they've lost the words that they both used to share with one another on a regular basis. Too often there are grunts and side eyed looks instead of true quality conversation that you have missed for far too long. You're now talking at one another than talking with one another. You have reached a sad reality that you don't know how to recover from. And if the truth be told, you can't place a date or time when all of your communication disappeared. You only talk about what is necessary to discuss, and then you move back to the quiet status of lost words. This is definitely not healthy for either of you. It progressively does tremendous damage to your relationship, and that's a place neither of you should be dwelling in. A second sign that you and your mate are barely hanging on is tension is constant. The atmosphere where you both reside is always a tense environment. You may be together, but there is so much tension that it begins to make others feel uncomfortable. As the old saying goes, you can cut the tension with a knife. You two being together in a place is awkward because neither of you want to be there with the other person. When your relationship develops to this stage, things have really gotten bad. You're cutting each other off when they're making statements. You share more evil stares than the old school monster movies you both used to enjoy together. Because the tension is so glaring, it is shining brightly. And it's like it's an elephant in the room, and nobody wants to talk about it. People are walking on eggshells around you, and you're walking on eggshells around each other so that World War III won't start. This type of tension leads to no solutions to the little things about the relationship. They seem to blow up bigger than they were supposed to be in the first place. There is more I or you involved than it used to be. We're no longer saying we as a couple, but it's I and me pointing at you. Those things that didn't used to bother you all of a sudden bother you tremendously. They're bothering you to the point that you can't handle it anymore. For lack of better words, you are acting like children during this whole process, and you're too angry with one another to admit that your portion is the issue. Yes, I know that your mate is adding to it, but you have to self-analyze and look and see that your portion is also a part of the problem. All you both seem to want is tension. The sad part about all of this is that you will drudge up something from your past that you've solved years ago, but now you want to bring it up for the latest big fight or the latest major issue to throw in the face of your significant other. Everyone listening on the sound of my voice knows that I'm telling the truth on this one. Still, it's not a positive place to be in, especially with the person you chose to spend your life with. I hate to cut in to this episode, and I know that you're enjoying it, and you probably got some commentary that you want to make. But I'm here to let you know if you are a fan of the Relationship Therapy podcast with Tony Miller Sr. and with Valerie B. Miller, I want you to know that we are right now in search of sponsors and advertisers. And if you want to be one of those, send us an email expressing what you want to do, and we will give you the listing of how to be an advertiser and how to be a sponsor because we would really love you to be a part of what we're doing here at the Relationship Therapy Podcast. So don't forget, email us at tmrelationship therapy at gmail.com. That is TMrelationship therapy at gmail.com. We'd love for you to be a part of it. Here's the third sign of barely hanging on. There is emotional distance now. This very well could be the most undermining thing that you could do to your partner and your relationship. You have become distant from your mate. During this time, you begin not showing care or concern about their well-being. That even hurts me saying it. Despite all of the drama that you're currently going through, this speaks so much louder than all of the others. It brings a permanent hurt to the heart of your mate. It could be the signal to them that you are no longer a part of the equation in their lives. You're telling them that you don't care what happens to them anymore. This is so drastic that it sends shockwaves from the individual who is doing it to their mate. However, they will continue doing this to their significant other. And it bothers you about the separation of your feelings. At this point, I'm sure many of you sense that the relationship is definitely over. I still feel like you can bounce back from all of the experiences that you've come through. And if you just settle down just for a few minutes and restore those feelings that you had a long time ago and give yourself enough time to remember everything that you've shared together, you can put this back together. All you got to do is push past the pain and just sit, talk, and remember. Now that you have reached this level of hurt, you see the facts lining up right before your eyes. You two are more like roommates than you are a couple who are still in love with one another. There is such a clear picture of the disappearance of laughter, intimacy, and general kindness to each other that it's not even laughable anymore. It's a sad state of affairs for any relationship to get to this point. All you have left is to wonder how it got this bad. So many couples are wondering the same thing about their very own relationship. You feel like you're drowning and that there is no one coming to rescue you. Here is the fourth and final sign of barely hanging on. Low effort and more negativity is present. Let me repeat that. Low effort and more negativity is present. You're no longer applying any effort to continue the relationship. It's as if you've just given up. You've tried several times before, but at this time there is nothing more you can do. Often people say that their relationship has ran its course. So at this point, you've given up, you've stopped all the efforts to reconcile what was virtually lost. You have fought too many battles, and they have sucked the life out of you. Your attitude focuses more on survival for yourself than the survival of the relationship. I get it and I understand, but relationships are worth fighting for. I know what you're thinking. What if my partner has already given up on us? Why am I still sitting here trying to fight for? What am I honestly fighting for if they've already given up? You're fighting for your marriage, you're fighting for the person you love, you're fighting to improve the relationship, you're fighting to not give up. You are fighting to not give up. I saw something recently on social media the other day that made a whole lot of sense. A question was asked by an adult child regarding their parents' longevity in marriage. They had been married for over 50 years, and the daughter asked her dad, How did you and mom make it for so long together? And his answer was so profound and so powerful that I thought this would be a good time to share it with you. He said this the reason why we've been together so long is neither one of us wanted to give up at the same time. Wow. Let me let me say that again. He said, Neither one of us wanted to give up at the same time. There is so much negativity going on that both parties want to give up at the same time. If there is an ounce of want to in one of you, you can stay together. Instead of criticizing your mate and blaming them and pointing fingers at them, why don't you try your best to stay together? But it's like nobody wants to give in. Nobody wants to be the one to say, hey, let's try to work it out. And that's a bad place to be in. That, my friend, is a huge sign that something is drastically broken. Now the question is, is it broken beyond repair? I want you to do this. Please do this favor for me. Please take the time to work on getting it fixed. If both are working for it, you won't regret it. I guarantee you that. I want to do a summation of this episode. Obviously, there could have been several more signs I could have explored, but I believe that you all got the point. Too many relationships are broken, and they don't know how to fix the brokenness. One thing that you should never do is give up on your mate. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy. In fact, it could be extremely hard, but don't give up on your mate. Again, I say that I believe that it is worth working for and fighting for in the long run. So make up your mind and work on the relationship together. And please join us in part two of this discussion as we will be talking about escaping the barely hanging on syndrome in our very next episode. But I've got a challenge for all of you who are listening. After hearing this episode, and you find yourself somewhere in the midst of what I've discussed, please take time to ask yourself: does the good times that we've had outweigh the bad times? Can the difficulties that you're having be solved by having a deep conversation where there is nobody else but you two? Or will it take more time for cooler heads to prevail? And do you need to go see a professional to help you navigate through the hurdles and barriers that have been keeping you two from getting back together? I challenge you. Are you willing to give up on what you two have built? Stay together, fight together, and be that couple that you started out being in some kind of way gotten off course. You can get back on course. Challenge yourself to do that. Here's your call to action. If this episode has helped you, share it with your partner or someone you may know who needs to hear this. And don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and follow us on social media. On Facebook, the Relationship Therapy Podcast with Tony Miller Sr. On Instagram, follow us at Relationship Therapy22. And on TikTok, Relationship Therapy Podcast. Also, don't forget to email us at tmrelationship therapy at gmail.com. Thanks for listening to the Relationship Therapy Podcast. Until next time, remember it takes two to make a relationship work.

SPEAKER_01: 19:20

Thank you for listening to the Relationship Therapy Podcast with Tony and Valerie Miller. We hope that you enjoy this episode. Tune in next time for more insight on how to make your relationship better. If you have any questions, please email us at tmrelationship therapy at gmail.com. We would love to hear from you. Until next time, remember, it takes two to make a relationship work.