Escaping the Barely Hanging On Syndrome

This Episode is part two to the previous Episode entitled; "Barely Hanging On". In this follow up Episode you will see that Tony is giving solutions to fix some of the seemingly unfixable issues within the Relationship. You were talking about just giving up, but somewhere down the line your feelings have changed and you are trying to hang on to the Relationship that you thought that you had lost. Listen carefully as Tony gives you 4 solid steps to "Escaping the Barely Hanging On Syndrome! You will be surprised what Love can do!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:01

There you are, as that couple that said that they would never be able to be the same couple again. You've gone through too much to recognize who you are. You have thoughts of ending the entire relationship and just moving on from what has caused you the most hurt that you've ever experienced in your life. But there is something going on with your feelings. At least one of you, if not both, have had a change of heart. You're talking about trying to restore the love that you both once had. What is it that changed? Has there been some apologies and forgiveness? You can find out in this next episode of the Relationship Therapy Podcast as we talk about escaping the barely hanging on syndrome.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02

Everyone, listen up because it's time for the Relationship Therapy Podcast with your host, Tony Miller Sr. and co-host, Valerie Miller. They are going to do their best to take your relationship to the next level. Whether you are married or whether you are dated, Tony and Valerie are going to give you the artifacts and several principles you need to strengthen your relationship. Now here are your hosts, Tony and Valerie.

SPEAKER_01: 1:43

Hello everybody. This is your host, Tony Miller Sr., and welcome to another episode of the Relationship Therapy Podcast. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. A big thanks goes out to each of you who have listened to the previous episode where we were talking about barely hanging on. We have received so many responses from that episode. But as I told you, we're going to come back and talk about escaping the barely hanging on syndrome. In this episode, we're going to recognize the steps needed to restore a relationship that has lost its way. It has been broken, it has been beat down, and it's almost over because the couple is barely hanging on. Many couples feel like once they have entered the barely hanging on phase, they feel like they're at the point of no return. However, there are steps you can take to get to a better place in your relationship. You formerly had a powerful and a touching and a very special relationship. Now you can lead yourself back into that same relationship and make it a better place than it was before. All you have to do is for both partners to want to restore what they had and are willing to work together to make it work. Are you ready to listen? Let's go. Here's the first step. Acknowledge that the relationship has a big problem. In order for you to escape the barely hanging on syndrome, you must acknowledge that the relationship has a big problem. Your relationship is in so much trouble. In order for you to try to deny it or even ignore it any longer, that'll be a huge mistake. Something needs to be done sooner rather than later. If you are at least going to try to see if you can recover the relationship that is seemingly lost, your first step has to be acknowledging the problem in your relationship. This is one of the most important steps toward healing, growth, and restoration, because you cannot fix what you refuse to face. Many couples fall into the trap of ignoring the relationship issues. If neither party has given up, the relationship can be saved. When you openly acknowledge the problem, whether it's communication breakdown, unmet needs, financial struggles, indiscretion, or even someone cheating in the relationship, and now you have deep trust issues, you are admitting that something requires attention and it especially requires effort. This honesty creates a foundation for the genuine dialogue, allowing both partners to express their feelings and perspectives without defensiveness. Let me say that again. You have to be able to express your feelings and your perspectives without feeling defensive or defensiveness. Acknowledging the problem is not about assigning blame or pointing fingers at who's at fault, but taking responsibility together for the recovery of your relationship. It demonstrates humility, maturity, and love because it shows you you value the relationship enough to confront discomfort for the sake of making progress to placing the relationship back where it needs to be and where it used to be. Ultimately, recognition opens the door for problem solving, forgiveness, compromise, and a renewed intimacy. Without this first step of acknowledging that there is an issue, no real change can happen. You can no longer act as if it didn't happen and go forward from here. You have to take care of the collateral damage, and then you can start making progress toward making the relationship better. Often couples will risk repeating the same cycles of conflict because they will not take the time to deal with the disappointment and the hurt and pain that has been caused. Don't you two be the one that does that? Now that you've gone through step one and acknowledged that the relationship has a big problem or it has big issues, now let's jump into step two, and that is making a decision for your future. When a couple realizes that they have damaged their relationship through their poor choices, their neglect, their constant conflict, and even the betrayal or the infidelity, the most important thing is not to stay stuck in the drama that the relationship is going through. Dealing with what happened is a better choice than just giving up on your mate. You too must make a conscious decision about the future of your relationship. That decision is critical because it determines whether both partners are willing to put in the work to rebuild or whether it's healthier to part ways. And you've got to really give strong conscious thought about that. Because if only one partner is really ready to put in the work and the other partner is not, it's not going to help you build anything profitable in your relationship. It's only going to lead to further damage individually and relationally. So you got to make a decision for the future of the relationship, and it requires honesty, courage, and clarity. And when I say honesty, that means you've got to speak the truth. You've got to open up the dialogue and have that conversation that may be uncomfortable, but you must have it. You've got to have the courage to confront things that you probably have hid in the past, but you got to have the courage. And if you're the mate that didn't do anything wrong, you've got to have the courage to hear it out so that your relationship can get better. And you both have to speak with clarity so there's no misunderstanding. If you cannot jump through those three thresholds with sincerity in your heart, then maybe it is best to separate and go your different ways. This way, you cannot do any further damage to each other, and you don't need any more damage done to you. Both partners must ask themselves these three questions. Do we still love each other? And that's an important one. Are we willing to change patterns and help rebuild the trust? And number three, can we forgive and move forward? If the answer is yes to any of those questions and all of those questions, then the journey of restoration begins with intentional steps moving forward. Forgiveness is a key component in making this decision. You both will need to talk about forgiving the other person. Now, this will be hard. I mean, this is going to be really hard because you're going to hear some things that is going to really hurt your heart. But in order for your relationship to start gaining the momentum needed to begin truly healing, forgiveness is going to be the main part. If wrong has been done, the guilty party or parties must take responsibility for their actions, and the both must be willing to forgive. Even if trust is going to take time to reveal, you need to go through this process because healing from the hurt, from the damage, from the pain has to keep you going. Yes, it's going to hurt, and yes, it's going to be hard, but you can get back to where you want to be able to trust that person and restore the relationship. This process works best if you combine humility, accountability, and hope toward restoration. Again, it's not going to be easy, but when both mates are committed to taking the time to recover from the brokenness, they can have the power to rebuild what once they had. And in a lot of cases, when they rebuild, they rebuild it better than what it was before. I hate to cut in to this episode, and I know that you're enjoying, and you probably got some commentary that you want to make. But I'm here to let you know if you are a fan of the Relationship Therapy podcast with Tony Miller Sr. and with Valerie B. Miller, I want you to know that we are right now in search of sponsors and advertisers. And if you want to be one of those, send us an email expressing what you want to do. And we will give you the listing of how to be an advertiser and how to be a sponsor. Because we would really love you to be a part of what we're doing here at the Relationship Therapy Podcast. So don't forget, email us at tmrelationship therapy at gmail.com. That is TMrelationship therapy at gmail.com. We'd love for you to be a part of it. Here is step number three in escaping the barely hanging on syndrome. Re-establish connection. You must reestablish your relationship connection. When a couple has run into serious problems in their relationship, re-establishing connection is not about pretending the issues never happened, but about facing them with a renewed commitment. Distance seems to automatically happen once the relationship has gotten to this drastic point. The first step is acknowledging that there were major issues in the relationship. The second step is that you have to make a decision for your future. But now, thirdly, you try to reestablish the connection that was lost during the great big blowup. And I know so many couples have gone through this and they have recovered every aspect of their relationship, including the trust that they had once before. This is going to require the couple to create an atmosphere of safety where both hearts can be vulnerable again while reconciling. I love that word, reconciling. You have to get back together. That should be the driving point in what you're doing. Re-establishing connection also requires forgiveness, as we talked about before, but not as a one-time event. But your forgiveness should be an ongoing choice to release resentment and give the relationship room to actually heal. Trust may take time to rebuild. So consistency in actions, accountability, and patience are essential toward building trust. And what I mean by that is you have to refresh some habits that are contoured or guided toward building your mate's trust in you. If you want the relationship to work, you've got to make sure that you allow them time to heal and give them reasons to restore what you've lost. It's essential. Couples can reignite closeness by reintroducing small but meaningful gestures of love, spending intentional time together, and make sure that time is quality time, and even rediscovering the joy of shared experiences. Sometimes outside support, such as counseling, mentorship, or even pastoral guidance, can help couples break destructive patterns and learn new ways of relating to one another. Above all of this, reestablishing connection demands a mutual decision to fight for the relationship instead of fighting against each other. You have to choose love daily and to build a stronger foundation. That is not just what you should try to do, it is what you are going to do. You have to repair what you've messed up and let your love be transformed for your future. Here is the final step that you need to take. You must be intentional about emotionally and physically reconciling. Let me say that again. That's a lot to chew on. You must be intentional about emotionally and physically reconciling. For a couple to be intentional about reconciling, emotionally and physically, is going to take a deliberate choice from them both. They will need to prioritize healing over pride and connection over comfort. Emotional reconciliation begins with honesty. Both partners must be willing to face the hurts, face the misunderstandings and the betrayals that created this wide divide that you now have. This requires vulnerable communication where you speak truth about what happened and even feelings, where each person is not only speaking their truth, but also listening with empathy, seeking to understand rather to win an argument. Emotional safety must be rebuilt through consistent acts of kindness, patience and reassurance. Believe me, you're going to need these patience, kindness and reassurance in order for this relationship to withstand all it's been through and the turmoil it's got to climb through in order to get back into the saddle of where you want to be. This shows that the relationship is a safe place again. Physical reconciliation, on the other hand, cannot be forced, it flows out of emotional healing. So emotional healing has to happen way before the physical reconciliation happens. And when you do, it takes rebuilding the trust, rekindling affection through small intentional gestures, like holding hands, just holding hands and looking into each other's eyes, offering hugs to one another, deep seated hugs, spending quality time together, and gradually introducing intimacy in ways that make you feel safe for both people to be involved. Both aspects require forgiveness, not as a quick fix, but as a daily decision. I keep saying that. The past won't disappear if you keep bringing it into your present and adding it to your future. That is a true statement. You've got to be able to release these past offenses and give forgiveness a try so that you can give the relationship room to breathe once again. This is a very slow-moving reconciliation, and it's often a process that it's going to take a little while to get there. It's not a quick fix, it's not a right now, it's not a get get up and let's go. It is time-consuming, and you've got to be patient as you go through. Couples who are intentional about reconciling commit to consistent effort from both parties. Your relationship can be restored, but it is going to take both of you working together for the love that has been misplaced somewhere along the way. If you want to be back together, you're gonna have to work the work that is definitely going to be in front of you. So many other couples have gone through this and they are back together. You can do this too. I believe that both of you can do it. So we've gone through the four steps to escape the barely hanging on syndrome. We talked about step number one, acknowledge that the relationship has a big problem. Step number two, make a decision for the future. Number three, we said step three was reestablish connection. And step number four was be intentional about emotionally and physically reconciling. I can't say enough how hard this is going to be for the both of you. However, if you see value in what you originally created together, you won't mind working in order to restore it, to help make it stronger and for it to last longer. Let your love lead you down the road to where you desire for you and your relationship to be. After the work has been done, you will have a beautiful relationship back to where you want it to be. And that's exactly what you both should be desiring. Here's your call to action. If this episode has helped you, share it with your partner or someone you may know who needs to hear this. And don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and follow us on social media. On Facebook, the Relationship Therapy Podcast with Tony Miller Sr. On Instagram, follow us at Relationship Therapy22. And on TikTok, Relationship Therapy Podcast. Also, don't forget to email us at tmrelationship therapy at gmail.com. Thanks for listening to the Relationship Therapy Podcast. Until next time, remember it takes two to make a relationship work.

SPEAKER_00: 23:33

Thank you for listening to the Relationship Therapy Podcast with Tony and Valerie Miller. We hope that you enjoy this episode. Tune in next time for more insight on how to make your relationship better. If you have any questions, please email us at tmrelationship therapy at gmail.com. We would love to hear from you. Until next time, remember, it takes two to make a relationship work.