My Son Woke Up At 5 A.M. To Practice And It Changed How I Think About Motivation

He was up at 5 a.m., alone in the dark, running drills before middle school tryouts and he didn’t do it because I pushed him. Watching my son Eli work that hard simply because he loves basketball hit me in a way I didn’t expect, and it forced me to question my own lifelong relationship with motivation.

I share a personal story that connects my past to my present: how my early basketball drive was shaped by dysfunction at home and a need to get away, and how a “tribe” of mentors helped me channel that intensity into something productive. Then I contrast that with what I’m seeing in my kids, especially Eli, whose routine includes reading, math, and voluntary practice, and Gideon, who is just as committed but prefers to train independently. As a father and coach, I talk through the tension of staying engaged without turning effort into pressure, and why it matters to protect the fun so motivation stays healthy.

If you’re thinking about resilience, parenting, coaching, or what it looks like to build a life after grief, this conversation offers a grounded reminder: you can be driven without running from something. The same principle shows up in grief support and financial planning after loss, where the best progress happens when people feel ownership, not force.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Welcome to Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris, where we talk about relevant issues as it relates to individuals in grief as they navigate finances and the advisors who help them. We help clients in grief navigate financial matters. We also teach advisors how to emotionally and financially work with clients in grief through an unparalleled process. This week's podcast is sponsored by Life After Grief Financial Planning and Life After Grief Consulting.

Why Motivation Matters Here

My Basketball Drive Came From Pain

Eli’s Self-Driven Practice Routine

Learning Healthy Motivation As A Dad

Gideon’s Independence And Respecting It

Making The Team And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris. This episode is going to be about motivation. My son, my oldest son, Eli, motivated me. And I'm going to share a story, and this is kind of in the spirit of the book that I'm going to be launching in the next couple of months. So in the book, and you may have heard me speak on a previous podcast about my experience in playing basketball and kind of where that came from. So my experience playing basketball and my motivation came from a place of dysfunction within my own family and trying to get away. And it was very extreme because I wanted to be away from the house on a regular basis every day, specifically when I hit middle school. And that was a source of freedom. I found a tribe of men actually who helped to motivate me. They helped to mentor me. And a lot of good came from that. But that motivation was under duress because I was just trying to get out of a painful family dynamic. And conversely, as a father, you know, you always want the best, you know, for your sons, in my case, talking about personally. And if you followed me or listened to me, you know that I coach a lot. And my wife and I have created this space to where I have the freedom and the flexibility to be able to do that. And my imprint, you know, now I understand goes far beyond the reach of my boys. And so I'm going to bring this back to Eli. So Eli likes basketball, and I've been coaching him for a long time. He and his brother, separate teams, the same team. And he wanted to go out for his middle school basketball team. And I'm not going to talk about the aspect about his ability or my opinion of his ability. That's really irrelevant. What I am going to talk about is the motivation that I have seen in my son. And his motivation is that he gets me up early on Saturdays to shoot and to rebound for him. He gets me out there to help him on his own. And he goes out and he practices all on his own, you know, without any pressure from anyone else. He just it's it's self-motivating. He wants to do it. He likes to do it. He has fun doing it. And he had tryouts earlier this week, and he's put in the work. He has definitely put in the work to make himself successful. But prior to tryouts, his tryouts were in the morning. And that was painful for me to get up to take in the tryouts. And something that I witnessed. And so we were talking about like what time he was going to get up to be able to get to tryouts. And tryouts started at 6 45. And he said he was going to get up around 5 30. He has a routine in the morning that he reads, and then he um does some math. And this guy got up around 5 a.m. And I was wondering why he got up so early. And I'm a light sleeper, so I basically hear everything that's going on. And so I heard what was going on, and then I hear basketball outside. And I'm you know, walking the dog, and I'm like, man, he's up early, and he's out there shooting, and he's out there, you know, doing drills, and um, I just walk by. It's a proud dad moment because I see in motivation him. There's something that he wanted to achieve, and he again was putting the work in. And his motivation comes from a genuine place of liking the sport of basketball. And it's not coming from a position of mom or dad are making you do it. And quite frankly, I'm tired. And both my boys push the pace and they want to maintain my engagement as far as coaching, and I love it. I absolutely love that. I'm very careful that I don't want to push them because it will not be fun for them anymore. So I just back off. And if they want me to do anything outside of, you know, specifically being their coach on the court when we have court time, then they're gonna have to ask me. I'm not volunteering, you know, information, just don't want to put any undue pressure on them. But getting back to Eli and just witnessing this self-motivation, I was simply amazed. And for me, it was a little bit foreign because I have really only experienced high, high motivation at the expense of conflict or getting away from something, or, you know, trying to be better than the situation that you're involved in. And I learned something about my son that you can still be motivated and just as motivated in a very healthy manner, and you're not running away from something, and you're not necessarily trying to be better than the product of your environment. And that's really nice to see. And I'm very, very proud of my son for that motivation that he showed. And of course, I've said, you know, that I'm very proud of him, and he should be very proud of himself. You know, again, this is about motivation, and in the book, I will share more about my basketball experience. But this motivation is kudos to my son, Eli. And I'm not going to neglect Gideon. And Gideon, in his own right, gets out there and he also puts in the work. And he tells me, I don't want you to have any parts to me being, I don't want you helping me shoot. And he is very demonstrative in what um he wants. And I respect that. And he's like, I don't want anybody to come out here and rebound for me. I just want to be out here by myself. And so it's nice to see them both motivated and doing things that they like to do, and they see the progress of putting in the work, whatever it is, whether it's schoolwork, whether it's athletics or anything. And that's just very nice to see. So I'm very, very proud of both of my boys. And it's nice to see that their motivation, again, and I now I'm bringing Gideon into the mix, comes from a genuine place of wanting to just be the best that they can be. And, you know, not having that cloud of, you know, extreme dysfunction as I was growing up. Very, very nice to see, and I'm very proud of both my boys and whatever endeavor they take equally. So I just chose Eli because this one was fresh, and he did end up making his middle school basketball team. So that was kind of the blessing on the end of putting in the work and being rewarded. So, and I hope you like this episode. This one kind of came from the heart and it was kind of the spur of the moment. And please feel free to join my launch team. The notes will be at the end of the episode. Cheers, be well. Feel free to pass this episode and any others on Titty friends, family members, or colleagues. Be well.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Thanks for listening to our podcast. If you are a client and are looking to work directly with Chris andor our firm, head on over to Life After Grief FP. That is Life After Grief FD. The FP is for financial planning. If you are an advisor looking to emotionally and financially work with your client in grief, or if you are a client looking to get your advisor's head in the game, head on over to LifeAfter Grief Consulting.com. That is LifeAfter Grief Consulting.com. Any related information referenced in this week's podcast will be located here in the podcast section.