Tis' the season, but let's not deck the In-laws! The holidays can be stressful. Let's start the season off right with some sage advice from some lovely ladies we met up with at a wine tasting. These ladies have been there, done that. Grab a glass of wine and join us on the patio!
See ya there!
https://sexandlovewiththeshadyladies.com/
Tis' the season, but let's not deck the In-laws! The holidays can be stressful. Let's start the season off right with some sage advice from some lovely ladies we met up with at a wine tasting. These ladies have been there, done that. Grab a glass of wine and join us on the patio!
See ya there!
https://sexandlovewiththeshadyladies.com/
How to Survive the Holidays with the In-laws
Lola 0:31
We're here on the patio, at a wine tasting with some lovely ladies. And we are just sharing some sage advice about surviving the holidays with the in laws. So the holidays can be a very, very stressful time. And especially for us women, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. And, you know, we're usually the ones organizing and planning and inviting everyone. But there can be some, some issues with all of the stress and pressure that we put on ourselves. But I thought we would just talk to a few ladies here at the wine tasting who ever would like to participate and just share maybe some stories and what they did to kind of get through the holidays with with the in laws. And so we have Arlene, who was going to share a little bit of story and advice with us about how she handled a certain family situation with the holidays.
Arlene 1:47
Yeah, my name is Arlene. And I'm older now. I'm almost 80 I'll be 80 next year. And so I have a love of Christmases to go through. And I've been married more than once. So I've got a lot of things I could talk about. Right now, what my husband and I do is we come to Arizona, leave the kids and grandkids at home. No problem. No problem. There you go solution. But in the past, there has been problems. Yeah. Like with both sides to go to right little kids, right. And they want to stay in play with the toys they got. But they have to go to another place and their toys are there. That's hard on him. It's hard on the kids. So we still like in the same day? You're in the same. Yep. So we started doing Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. That way when they got their presents. My family, my mom and dad lived just real close to us. So they would come up and watch him open and so forth. And that worked out pretty good. Then my second marriage, different story.
Lola 3:12
Right? Right. It just brings in a whole new dynamic.
Arlene 3:20
He had seven kids. And his wife was not that nice to me. Oh, yeah. And she
Lola 3:32
right? She can I know you're putting it politely. Thank you. She was a b.....? Yeah. A witch, but with the different letter at the front? Yeah.
Arlene 3:43
But we would I would try and have get a date for it. Yeah. And then then she would get a date for Christmas. Right? And then we kind of decide trying to have them together. Yeah. And we did that for a couple years. Well, that didn't work. That didn't work at all. And then the last year that we tried to have it together. Because we just lived like six miles from each other. Oh, yeah. And all the kids were around their clothes. And we tried to have it together. And I would call her and she wouldn't answer and say what When do we want to do this? Do we want it you know, blah, blah, all my stuff. And I didn't find out till Christmas Eve that she was having it on Christmas and I wasn't Yeah.
Lola 4:39
So you're SOL. Yeah.
Arlene 4:44
Well, that cause problems. All right. Yeah, it would with me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. If she told me ahead of time, we could plan but she didn't. Right. And that's what happens.
Lola 4:53
And then she didn't return your calls or your messages or anything. So she was making, right yeah. Passive aggressive.
Arlene 5:00
Yeah. Anyway, so that's some things that went on in my life of course. Yeah. And
Lola 5:07
So what did you do to get through it? Because I mean, you gotta like,
Arlene 5:11
well, I cried for a while. Yeah,
Lola 5:14
I know, right. Tear in your beer.
Arlene 5:19
you. Okay. You just just go through it. Yeah, move on, you just keep
Lola 5:25
moving. So one thing that I think that and I'm not perfect at it, but we have a blended family as well. And so, you know, I think as women we don't tend to ask for help. But I think especially like with your husband having the, the children right, that you're trying to blend and you know, and have these nice holidays, and, you know, great memories is we need to incorporate these men to help. It can't just be all on us. Well, I never found one else that's right. I know. I know. I hear it. I see it. I've been there yet. I'm just like, I think I think I've just shouldn't take it all on myself. I mean, I that's just where I'm at now. I might know I I need to. I need some reinforcement here.
Arlene 6:25
That's why now I stay in Arizona.
Lola 6:30
Bominos. Yeah. Oh, that is great information. Thanks for sharing. Arlene. We appreciate you kind of sit in the hot seat. And it's really hard to address these things. But that's why I want to talk about it. And I want to start the conversation because, you know, this if we expose it, then we can deal with it. But if we just keep dusting it under the rug, putting a bandaid on it, it never gets resolved. But anyway, so that's kind of why we're here tonight doing this and thank goodness for the wine tasting. Alright, so we have some more sage advice we have Sapsucker, and that is to protect the innocent, so we have Sapsucker here and she was going to share just a little bit of sage advice as well.
Sapsucker 7:30
Well, I want everybody to know that you should never mix politics and religion during the holidays. That's a good one. Well, one time we came back, and we're all Christians, but we have different political views. And I put up instead of an angel that everybody is used to. I put up an eight by 10 of President Bush. And my democratic relatives came in and spit on the floor. So don't do that.
Lola 8:03
You mean, don't pour salt in the wound?
Sapsucker 8:11
So don't mix politics and religion and
Lola 8:15
within the holidays during the holidays? Yes. Yeah. Or probably at any family gatherings. Right. Right. Yeah, but that's hard. I mean, I think sometimes. You know, I mean, I appreciate the advice, but sometimes I'm just like, I am who I am. And it comes out, right. No, you know, I mean, I'm not I don't I don't ever want to be in someone's face about my beliefs. Right. But I don't think that I should also hide my light and who I am and hide. You know what I think but but not from the perspective of I have to be in your face about it because that's that's not No Yeah. So but that was your home so you invited these these people to your home? Yeah, you can decorate however you want it to at your home.
Sapsucker 9:08
It was more of a joke. Oh, it was okay, so there was a little salt in the wound? Knew there react. Yeah.
Lola 9:19
They did react. Spit in the floor. Can you hand them a wipie? They need to clean something up.
Sapsucker 9:30
All turned out well. Oh, good. Oh, good. Good.
Lola 9:33
Well, thank you for sharing Sapsucker. That name oh, it cracks me up. Oh, yeah, we have to protect the innocent. Because you know it is. It's hard talking about this stuff and it's hard feeling exposed in front of a microphone in front of your face. I mean, I've been there and, you know, the liquid courage helps. All right, so we have Pinky here. And again, we need to protect the innocent. But she has a great story to share about mixing the cultures. So feel free.
Pinky 10:14
So my story isn't so much about. Like the normal diversity, conversation, it's more about the Midwestern culture. Yeah. And I came from outside the state. And I was also working shift work at the time. So my in laws were very ingrained in their culture of the Midwestern mentality of, you know, you have Christmas Eve, is when they did their own thing. Yeah. And I grew up with Christmas day being our thing. And then mixed on top of that, is the fact that I'm working midnight to seven or seven to seven 7pm to 7am. Wow. And then, you know, what do you do when I have to go to work at seven? So I want to see my kids open their gifts, right. But they don't really get into that until midnight? Oh, no. So needless to say, I'm not very happy at that time. And they're just peachy keen, because they have no idea. Yeah. And so it took me me a few years, and a lot of times you have to learn to live the life that you're living, right. And so I just accepted that sometimes it's more important that the kids are happy with where they're at. And I may have to be off at work or make some other arrangements, but but it is difficult when you come from somewhere else and then meld with that right. Certain app just Yeah,
Lola 11:59
culture is the culture of the environment. Yeah, I the same thing. Same thing. So yeah, we kind of went back and forth. Do we do like open pajamas on Christmas Eve? And then do the rest the Christmas Day? And yeah, that's it's kind of hard when you have to blend different families. You have children, and then you've got the in laws with their traditions. Yeah. And you're coming into it.
Pinky 12:25
Right. Right. And then your husband's part of that other other one. So then you're split on where that all is? Yeah. And so yeah, it's very interesting. The only thing that I've learned is that time changes everything. Yes, you know, so your kids are small, and then they're grown up, and they don't really care. Yeah. And then it's whatever you make it.
Lola 12:47
Right. Right. Well, so I had an experience with my grown daughter, she has three of my grandkids, and she had asked me something the other day, and she's like, oh, you know, talking about this timeframe. And then were you there? And I go, Yes, I was there. Was I there? Of course, I was there, you know, so I'm like, even her in high school, she was wondering if I was there. So maybe, you know, what kind of the signal sent to me is maybe I put more emphasis on something than what the kids are putting emphasis on.
Pinky 13:27
Right? Absolutely. Sorry, maybe I
Lola 13:29
just need to chill the F out. But like, especially around holidays, where you know, as women, right, we got to get the decorations, we got to plan on this. We got to do the food, we got to invite them, we got to have them and you know, all of the and then we got to do this right for the kids. And, you know, everything has to be perfect. Right? Because it's the holiday and then, you know, yeah, I don't know, maybe I just should calm down.
Pinky 13:55
But the other thing is trying to make traditions out of things that are unique. Yeah. So like, for birthdays. We I started decorating doors because some mornings, I'm not there on their birthday day. Oh, so I would decorate the doors out and see what was different. Yeah. And one of my kids has carried that over. Oh,
Lola 14:18
that's fun. Yeah, that's a really good one.
Pinky 14:21
Yeah, so good suggestion to make a lot of different things. Yeah, you have
Lola 14:25
to make the best of what of what you have in the situation you're in, you know, and I, I'm still going to go back to my tip, I think is if you're trying to blend your family, with your husband's family, let's call them in for reinforcement. So I think I'm going to start with a code word. This code word comes out of my mouth, you know, come in for reinforcement. So I can like go to the bathroom or something and just get a breather, because you know, I mean I thing, just, you know, a few minutes in the bathroom, just take a deep breath. And, you know, it just can be better. And you know, maybe it'll even be better the next day, but although usually that's after Christmas, but still like, you know, sometimes I think if we can just let a few things go. It'll help us get through a little bit more. Sorry. That's my soapbox.
Pinky 15:28
Yeah, we'll have our histories. Yeah, we have to remember them and cherish them. But then maybe in the next generation as another set of memories.
Lola 15:36
Exactly. And, you know, I think maybe we didn't know what our parents were going through, even if they were blended families, you know, or not, but it's still like, you just didn't see the pressure they were under, but they were. And so that's why yeah, like I said, I want to start the conversation, I want to get this out there. So that maybe we can just be a little kinder to ourselves a little kinder to those in our family. And, you know, one thing I've noticed, for like family gatherings, whether it be holiday, or anything, is everyone that comes to the party, the event, they're all bringing their little kids-self with them with that expectation of what that, you know, wrapped around that holiday or that theme or whatever that is. So if we can, you know, they say if you're going to talk in front of an audience, like picture everyone naked, I can't really understand that one as well. But that one's hard for me. But if
Pinky 16:39
Bring your husband out again, maybe I can think about that again. I know.
Lola 16:48
He's a great guy. But like, if you can just picture your mother in law, your father in law, or sister law, whoever you're having a problem with, you know, or whoever's struggle with, picture them, they're just that little-self. And that's what they're coming to the event with. And it kind of softens it a little bit, you know, kind of takes the frustration out and like wanting to throat punch someone. Anyway, well, thanks for sharing Pinky. We appreciate it. We have Jewels... Sorry, got the J's confused. Jewels here and she was gonna share just a little story that she had experienced with getting through the holidays with the in-laws. So feel free.
Jewels 17:50
Well, this isn't well, it's kind of what the in laws but not. We have Christmas every year and one son lives in Seattle. And he's quite he never comes home for me don't come home for Christmas. Okay, go there. Anyway, one year, we always before Christmas, I take the grandkids that are back home. And I take them out for a special day. And they each get their own day and I take them out to lunch or we just do fun things all together. While the ones in Seattle never get to do it. Oh. And my in laws got kind of upset about that. But um, this is why you're not here. It's kind of hard what I do. So the kids were really upset. I mean, it really bothered them that they never got to have a special day with their grandma. So I finally called my son, Well, what if? When you come home, we do it then? Well, then that seemed to make them happy. So we tried that. And it worked out very well. Yeah, yeah. Have them traveled I realize how upset they were over. It didn't even think about it. You know, because they live out there. You know? And yeah, I mean, it's a long ways away. Yeah. And never even thought about it. And I probably should have you know, you should have probably thought about well,
Lola 19:14
I did really upset I do think so. Yeah, trying to keep it even as best you can as best you can. But yeah, I mean, as you know, you can't please everyone so you you could have kept it as even to the you know, to the penny. However you you measure that you could have kept it as even as possible. And then still, yeah, someone would be frustrated. So I was
Jewels 19:35
upset over it for quite a while until I finally figured well, when they come home. Yeah, we can do it. Yeah. And it wasn't every year, but it was when they came home. Yeah. So it worked out. Well. I
Lola 19:45
hope you felt special because they really wanted your time but most of that yeah, that is what that's what the kids want. You know, it's I mean, kid I think kids want presents or whatever, but they really more than anything they want your time.
Jewels 20:00
Exactly. They do. He probably got to see him maybe every three, four years. Yeah. So
Lola 20:07
well, grandmas are special. And you know, thank goodness. I don't I don't know how many people here are taking advantage of like the video chats and stuff that you can't Yeah. Isn't that nice? It's changed. Yeah, yeah, it's definitely helped. Because yeah, now we're a little far from Yeah, the grandkids. I mean, the whole business now, so yeah, and you can quickly snap a photo and send it to them. It's so nice. Oh, it's so nice. works good. Well, yeah, thank you, Jewels. Alright, so I'm still here at the wine tasting and having so much fun and we appreciate you hosting Rambler. We appreciate your patio and this time and the time to gather together and talk about this subject. You know, getting through the holidays with the in laws. We have Rambler, still protecting the innocent. So, the floor is yours.
Rambler 21:10
Well, I'm a Rambler and a gambler. Oh, nice. But I will gamble mostly on faith over fear. Oh, I like it. You have fear a lot of things. If you're your in laws you fear the unknown your fear that stubborn grandchild your fear the all of a sudden explanation that Oh, Grandma didn't you know, I'm an atheist and a lesbian. Oh, wow. That's interesting. Now, what am I supposed to do about that? Deal with it. Now? How do you deal with it? I'm from a far different generation when it's a grandchild that all of a sudden presents me as if she's discovered a new cure for cancer. Something with statements that blow my mind? Because in my world, no, no, no, not acceptable. Don't want it. Don't accept it. And I don't understand it. Yeah, but now, it's not just my grandchild. It's society. They're all shoving it down my throat. do this do that. I don't like it. I don't know how to do it. But I'm a gambler. I figured okay. Yeah, when, when you're a gambler, is how to deal with a bad hand.
Lola 22:36
Mm hmm.
Rambler 22:37
Might have a bad hand, but you learn how to play it.
Lola 22:41
Nice! and you try
Rambler 22:42
try. You try very hard. And even if you lose, you haven't lost because through play in that bad hand. You've seen all their cards. So don't worry about it. Faith over fear and if they throw it at you, don't throw it back. Stick it in your pocket. And just try very hard to say Lord help me keep my mouth shut. That's all I got to say you will win.
Lola 23:15
That is, that is some really good advice. I think and thank you Rambler for your sage advice.