The Time of Fulfillment

In this meditation for the Solemnity of Pentecost, Fr. Leo Austin reflects on the transforming power of the Holy Spirit and the call to deeper interior conversion. Like the Apostles, we are invited to open our hearts to God and allow his grace to shape our desires, choices, and way of life. 

Listen and reflect on: 

• Examining the deeper motives of the heart 
• Recognizing unhealthy attachments and desires 
• The role of grace in personal transformation 
• Growing in emotional and spiritual maturity 
• Trusting God’s patience and mercy

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My Lord and my God, I firmly believe that you are here, that you see me, that you hear me. I adore you with profound reverence. I ask your pardon for my sins and the grace to make this time of prayer fruitful. My immaculate mother, Saint Joseph, my father and Lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me. There is this quote by blessed Clelia Merloni that I read some time ago, my Lord, and I want to bring it to my time of prayer today, to this meditation, because it's pretty deep, it's impactful. It was impactful when I read it the first time, and uh and I think it can help us and help me to examine myself in your presence with peace. And uh she says, remember that the devil, Satan, will often make you feel the weight of fatigue. He will often torment you with the fear of working uselessly. End of the quote. And maybe that was a little bit the mindset of the apostles at the early stages of the church, and today we are celebrating the awesome feast of Pentecost, the coming of the Holy Spirit. It is good to consider what happened before he came and to enter into this time of prayer, putting ourselves in the shoes of the apostles, or even in our own shoes. What stops me from being optimistic? And maybe there is this sense of uh feeling useless, and uh we need to know that it doesn't come from God, does always come from Satan, feeling useless, right? But it is good to go through the pain that the apostles experienced because then we can be more grateful. I will be more aware of the gifts that I have received if I've had the experience, if I have the experience of going through darkness, then I appreciate better the light or color or things like that. So, with that being said, let's read the Acts of the Apostles. And remember to open this book with the excitement of the early days of the church. This is the beginning of everything, and we are in the same moment in history. We are still writing the Acts of the Apostles, because we are apostles, we are inheriting right now the message of the gospel, and we are bringing it to this generation today, right? So when the time for Pentecost was fulfilled, says the Acts of the Apostles, they were all in one place, united. United in prayer. First clue. The apostles, after the resurrection, after the shock of the crucifixion, and then the joy of the resurrection, they gathered in prayer and they were brought together by the Blessed Virgin Mary. So we can do the exact same thing right now, my Lord. I'm gathered somehow in prayer with the entire church. Our lady, my mother, in this month of May is inviting me to join the apostles as the early church and to pray, to look inside myself, to look at the world, right? And it was the time of fulfillment. I really like in the gospel when uh the evangelist uses these words in look in this case, fulfillment. Fulfillment is the name of the game if you are Catholic. It's playing the Olympic Games every day, fulfillment, is playing the World Cup every day, is fulfillment. There is nothing better for a soccer player, for an Olympic player, for a gymnast, whatever, to be in the center of history right now, and in the stage of history with all the spectators, especially the Trinity, the saints, the angels, looking at me, not with vain thoughts, but knowing that I'm a protagonist right now, I'm fulfilled, redeeming the world. So they were in that moment of prayer, which is very intense, but very recollected at the same time. And suddenly, says the Acts of the Apostles, there came from the sky a noise, like a strong driving wind, and it filled the entire house in which they were. And then there appeared to them tongues as a fire, which parted and came to rest on each one of them. A mystical experience, an experience of uh somehow touching God in our prayer, somehow experiencing the presence of God. And don't worry if you don't feel it in a sensual or in a physical way. That's perfectly fine. And many times the experience of God is intellectual first. I firmly believe that you are here, that you see me, that you hear me, right? I firmly believe, and I have reasons to believe. And that's the first part of prayer. It's an act of faith that is based on knowledge, on revelation, on the company of the saints, many wonderful aspects of my time of prayer. I am united with the entire church, with God, with the angels, etc. And then the first question comes: why do I need the Holy Spirit? What was the change before and after Pentecost? What is the change? The real change? And uh maybe the temptation as human beings as we are is to think that the change should be fixing things, for instance. Classic temptation, right? This is what uh this blessed uh woman was saying, that the devil tempts you saying, well, you're useless. You see, you're praying and you are not changing anything externally, you are not fixing things, and then maybe this is the change. First of all, is what do I want? What do I want? What do we expect? What are my expectations in prayer? Very difficult question, very mysterious. Not that we can have an answer immediately or experience it with certainty as many times. It's an ongoing unfolding of meaning and depth and beauty, but it's it takes time and a ton of patience, a lot of patience. The apostles before Pentecost, after Pentecost, what was the difference? Let's look at the gospel, right? Saint Peter, for instance, very impatient. Saint John, very harsh. Do you want us to cast out fire from heaven and to destroy this village of Samaritans? So you see, the apostles were impetuous many times or discouraged. They fled. When Jesus talked about the cross, they didn't understand, it was too hard for them. So superficiality, hardness of heart. So Pentecost. The Holy Spirit comes, fulfillment comes to you. And then what do you want from him? What do you expect? Maybe that's the first big change. My expectations are such and such. What are they? And then examine yourself. What do you want? What do I want, my Lord, from you? What am I asking for? Sometime ago I was talking to some group of people. We had a kind of a debate with college students, both boys and girls, and we had a gathering, and then we were throwing different ideas, topics about life, deep questions, and then one person, jokingly a little bit, but at the same time saying the truth, said out loud, and I'm quoting with all due respect because it happened to me too. That person said, I don't have time, I don't have time to think about happiness. And besides, it's scary. And then we laughed, we were, and we were trying to give some answer to that big question of happiness. And I think it's symptomatic of our society. Again, we pray, we recollect ourselves in this moment of prayer, we go to receive the Eucharist, we have our friends, and then there's this ongoing question around us. Am I happy? Am I fulfilled? And maybe the answer, my Lord, and I'm so sorry, is so difficult that I prefer to postpone or to just put into a box and to say, well, I think I am happy, I I I hope I'm happy, as if we're not we were not in control. And then this statement, I don't have time to think about my happiness, and besides, it's scary. Maybe I'm not happy. But there's a false idea of freedom, happiness. What does it mean to be happy? The apostles. Maybe they felt the same scariness of am I a good apostle? Can I do this? Is my vocation fulfilling me? It's an ongoing question for all of us across the world and at all times in our lives. Am I happy? Am I building this fulfillment because God is in me? Is this wind of the Holy Spirit, this fire purifying me constantly? Am I aware? And then not easy to answer to those questions, not easy to tackle my Lord, my own life, my own vocation. That's why I need you. That's what I need you. Saint José Maria in his homily about Pentecost in Christ is passing by. It shows how the early church, how the apostles, all of us, are in this stream of grace that is still current today, that the same power of Pentecost is present right now in the church, in your heart, in my heart. And at some point in the homily, he says, the grace of the Holy Spirit is present. And then on our side, what we need to do is to quote, allow God to take possession of our lives and to change our hearts. To allow God to take possession of our lives and to change our hearts. Very interesting. Linked with this whole idea of happiness. Jesus, my Lord, you talked a lot about the Holy Spirit. You talked a lot about the Father. It's almost a every time you talked about God, you were talking about your Father. You we see you in the gospel talking about your father and talking to your father. Both. It's a constant thing. And then at the end of your life, you were also announcing the coming of the Holy Spirit. And San Josemaria says, Well, allow God to take possession of your life and to change your heart. Interesting. Because our Lord wants to change your heart, my heart. Not just to change our actions, to have an influence, so to speak, on our actions. That would be great. But it's way more than this, is how you perceive reality, your heart. And I'm not talking about the fleeting feeling of I feel good. No, no, no. It's what do you love? That's a huge, deeper change. There's this author, Amedeo Cencini, Italian priest, that has several books. Some of them are translated to English, some of them are in Italian or in Spanish. And there's one, I found a copy that I think is in the process of being translated to English. Anyway, the name of the book is Adon, I seek you. Early in the day, I seek you, I seek your face. And it's a book that has to do with this whole idea of what San José Maria is talking about here, changing your heart. But again, not into a feeling good heart. It's more into a compass, into an engine that moves you to choose things. And then if you are not moved by your heart, you may, I may, be doing external things all the time. And even good things. But that's not enough. It is not enough to be faithful in the sense of or or perseverant into external things. The big change is in my heart. That's the difference between before and after Pentecost in the apostles. They were not loving the teachings of Jesus Christ. They were loving the external actions of Jesus Christ, the miracles, and some of the teachings maybe, but they were not all in. And there was this kind of uh, you know, cheering. They were not completely, there's some rustiness inside them that was not completely solved into the way that Jesus Christ would do things. And that's why they needed, and we do too, the Holy Spirit. To change my heart. I think the great model for that is the Blessed Virgin Mary. If we read the gospel attentively, many times Mary externally experienced things that she didn't understand, and then her reaction was to ponder. I need to change my heart. Meaning, I experienced this, I don't get it. Or I don't love it, and I should, because it comes from God. And I don't know how to love this. I need to ponder. I need to adapt myself to God. And then this author that I was telling you, Amedeo Cincini, says very interesting points about this whole change, this interior change. He talks about some aspect of our knowledge and our way of engaging with reality, which is sensitivity. And sensitivity is both inherited and also a choice. Sensitivity is a little bit the background or the inheritance that you have received of reacting in front of things, like that you have received from education. You could be more inclined to music, to art, to sports, or to in some situations you react in one way or another, in part because of your culture. And he says that's perfectly fine. That's legit and it's part of your identity. But your identity has also a second part, which is your choice. So you are responsible, responsible for your reactions internally. I don't know if this is a little bit complicated for a meditation, but I think what it means is that uh we grow in being more in educating our sensitivity. So if I educate, if I grow, I will react better and better, understanding the beauty or the truth behind the things that are happening to me. And uh the truth is very, very demanding. The truth is is always an inclined plane. So for instance, it's very easy to see it regarding charity, right? Let's say that we have a good reason to get mad to someone, or there's something that is broken and we are not responsible, it could be anything, right? In a family situation, in a social environment, and there's something wrong. That's part of the truth. Because the entire truth has to do with not only saying the diagnosis, oh, this is wrong, but saying, how do I interact with this? And that's when sensitivity pitches in. Okay, given this situation, what's your reaction? And then your reaction could be anything. It could be mercy, it could be anger, it could be rejection, it could be indifference, it could be coldness, it could be that your heart actually explodes in gratitude for the opportunity of serving. Think about Mother Teresa of Calcutta. The situation is awful in the streets of Calcutta. Her reaction is beautiful. So in front of the same situation, we educate our sensitivity, our, you know, our way of loving what we are presented with, right? And then it creates by those choices of how you react, it creates your own identity. And you have a responsibility for that. I think to me, yeah, Mother Teresa, or nurses are clear examples of well, the more they they love their job, the more they act upon their talents as a nurse or as a doctor, the more they empathize with the people that they have in front of them, the more they love. Their skills are geared towards I'm giving myself towards this, and I'm loving it, even in the process, right? And the same happens with education, motherhood, fatherhood. It's not just anything that happens in the past, that you just deliver a baby or that you become a dad. It's an ongoing identifying yourself, choosing to be a dad, choosing to be a mom in every situation. Not easy, very demanding, but beautifully unfolding. And the truth is that in this brokenness, I can add the glue of my charity. That's the real truth. Because the truth is not just static, presented to me. The truth is how I engage with that. That's my education of my heart. Very difficult, and at the same time, open to a vocational engagement with reality. Thank you, my Lord. I want to enter into this fulfillment. I want to ask your mother, help me to ponder things in my heart, help me to respect the truth, to adapt myself to the truth, not to just close the door, but to engage more and more into what is presented to me as an opportunity. Many times excuses could be quote unquote interesting excuses, for instance, in our uh age, I think, there is this whole idea of what be spontaneous. Do not repress yourself, right? Do not put limits to your creativity. Or, for instance, a very subtle temptation that may come from Satan. Go after what your heart stakes you. Just follow your heart in the sense of your feelings. And then we can fall into this dictatorship of feeling good and the heart reduced to pleasure. It could be intellectual pleasure, it could be a pleasure that is not sinful, it could be a pleasure that is legit, but it's still pleasure, it's still seeking myself. If I eat chocolate, I don't think I'm sinning. It's nothing sinful about chocolate. I hope not, because it's my little heaven sometimes. But if the only way for me to act, to work, or to do something or smile is to eat chocolate, I will be producing something good, not even sinful, and and limit my opportunities to give myself and to grow. And I would be like an animal at the end. Even a refined animal that eats caviar or drinks, covernet, subi room, or whatever. Okay, fine, but it is a refined animal, but it's an animal following only instincts, pleasures, even if they are very elevated. So the point here is what do I what do I want in this situation? How do I give myself? What's the refinement that truth demands in this situation? What's the refinement? What's the best option? What's the heroic way that gives me the fulfillment of entering into the heart of God, into the heart of God guided by the Holy Spirit? When you read the gifts of the Holy Spirit, all of them have to do with this openness, wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, fear of the Lord, wisdom, right? Deep wisdom, choosing things with a big picture, a big picture that goes beyond myself. Very difficult, but very wonderful at the same time. I was reading the other day also this um quote or this idea that uh suggests that our earthly actions and desires and our habits define our post-death state. So when we die, this author was saying, when we die, the choices of our life will become eternal realities. In other words, everything that we're choosing, or again, actions, desires, habits that we're building define, will define, we have a say, in our post-death state, transforming all those temporary decisions into a permanent existence. And it happens both with sin and with virtue. The only difference is that sin will be annoyingly repetitive and close to death, right? Repetition, but you will be more and more people when we sin, we become more and more repetitive and annoyed by that choice that is absurd and is close to itself. It's just death and frozen, right? But it's repetitive. You become your own sin. Hopefully, with the ears of God, with our with your guidance, Holy Spirit, we will be eternally in heaven, enjoying your presence. And then these author suggests that our choices will become eternal realities. Our earthly choices will become eternal realities. Will be what you choose in the eyes of God, giving yourself. And then you will be more and more, I will be hopefully more and more identified with those dreams, with those actions, with those habits that I have been building on earth. Wonderful idea, right? Wonderful idea that has to do with this ongoing action of the Holy Spirit. This ongoing action of the Holy Spirit and my own freedom, my own wanting those things. Identifying myself. It makes sense. I want that. I really want that. And I'm happy wanting that because I have a deep understanding of reality, of truth. Very, very engaging this idea that we have of holiness that St. José Maria is proposing in his homily. Allowing God to take possession of your hearts. Not only of your actions, not only of your external etiquette. As Catholic, I more or less accomplish what I'm supposed to do. My duties, my obligations, I go to mass because it's mandatory. Well, those things are true, and they're better than not going to mass, but uh, is it just an obligation? Can you and I can we dig deeper and say, no, this is what I really want, because I thought about it and I educated my feelings. I gave them a reason to be directed by reason, right, towards the beauty, the truth of the revelation, and my engagement with that revelation. Before and after Pentecost, the apostles before, you and I before, you and I with the apostles after receiving the Holy Spirit. The tongues of fire, the wind that uh pushes you softly, but uh but or softly, softly, I don't think is a good word, maybe um subtly, but steadily at the same time towards the truth. Hey, look, look, look, look what you can discover, look what what you're missing. Let me show you. This is the Holy Spirit, let me show you more. And this gives us a lot of uh insightful material for our examination. Sometimes our feelings seem uncontrollable. My sensitivity suggests suggests that I cannot do anything but feel good or bad in front of such a thing. But sometimes it is it is very uh it's crucial that we in our prayer we say, why did I react in this way? Why did I react in this way? Am I being mature in this reaction? Am I being holy in this reaction? It's not that you say, Well, yeah, but I it is what it is, it's my my way of being. It could be, but that can be changed as well. It could be, but the grace of God, uh, if San José Maria says, if we open our hearts to the action of the Holy Spirit, that could be changed too. And this is a great gift, right? Because it means that even if our natural inclination, after many years of doing things or forming ourselves in such a way that whatever our reaction is like that, that could be changed too. And we can, you know, in our emotional, in our in our volitional, in our will, we we have an influence, we have a decision, even in the way I want things, right? And maybe for our time of prayer, sometimes in the examination of consciousness, why I why am I always reacting in this way? What's at the bottom? And maybe it's not that we have a headache, and maybe it's that we are self-centered. Or maybe it's not that our neighbor is annoying, but that we are envious. And we dig deeper, and maybe deep down inside our hearts, there's this longing for security in money. And then this is what we're really what we really want. And our idea of happiness is stained by a very subtle and deep greediness that more or less makes sense because we want to provide for our families, we want to make them happy, and then suddenly somehow we get lost into the whole thing of material security for the happiness, the temporal happiness of my family and my friends, and my security, whatever. And then suddenly we have envy of our neighbors, or we treat them poorly, we react in a bad way because we are driven by greediness deep inside ourselves. And that's a discovery that uh I think all of us go through in different aspects of our lives, right? Could be with impurity, it could be with uh hatred, resentment. We go deeper, we allow God to take possession of our hearts, and and God tells us, hey no, it's not your neighbor, sorry, or it's not your lack of this or that, or it's not the problem is that you are seeking happiness in something that is never ever making will make you happy. And I can help you to change that. And then once you understand that deeper healing, everything becomes not easier in the sense that it's down the road and and and like no effort, no, but it becomes easier because I know why. I know what's the point here, and then all my actions are meaningful and driven by a heart that seeks happiness where happiness is in Jesus Christ, in understanding the truth of my life, the truth of my relationships. Good news is that um, well, I would say two good news. One, the apostles needed that. So sometimes we think that the saints were perfect from the from birth. The apostles needed that. Even the blessed Virgin Mary needed at least time to ponder, to check the scriptures, to check how how can this event you know make sense and then scriptures, prayers. So the blessed Virgin Mary, the apostles needed that. So this is great news. And second is that God is in our side, and God knows too, and He provides the grace of Jesus Christ, the power of the Holy Spirit is present today. So the saints went through the same process as we're going right now, and they did it, and also the grace of God will never be lacking. Never, and uh, no fear whatsoever, my Lord. Wherever I am right now, even if I feel that I didn't tell myself I'm really mean because my greediness, my impurity, my whatever resentment, I can be healed. I want to allow your Holy Spirit to enlighten me, to give me his wisdom, his peace, his joy, a meaningful life. Let's ask the Blessed Virgin Mary to help us to ponder as she did. And then we will understand very well the title that our lady has, Queen of Peace. Queen of peace. Not only peace in the world, but peace in our hearts. I thank you, my God, for the good resolutions, affections, and inspirations that you have communicated to me in this meditation. I ask your help to put them into effect. My Immaculate Mother, Saint Joseph, my father and lord, my guardian angel, intercede for me.