Cinema Saturday: Unraveling "Love Hurts"

Ever wondered how a Valentine's-themed martial arts film could spark a heated debate? On this episode of the Couch Critic, we welcome special guests Katy and Scotty as we dissect "Love Hurts," a film that promised a thrilling blend of romance and action but delivered something entirely different. With a lineup featuring Ke Huy Quan, Ariana DeBose, Mustafa Shakir, and Leo Tipton, you'd expect fireworks. Instead, we found ourselves untangling a lackluster plot riddled with unconvincing villains. But fear not; Mustafa Shakir's standout performance saves the day, leaving us with a glimmer of hope amidst the chaos. From jaw-dropping stunts to unexpected gaps in humor, we explore the film's highs and lows, ultimately serving it a humble one out of five on our rating scale.

As the conversation unfolds, we humorously compare the film’s gunfights to the likes of "John Wick" and "The Walking Dead," questioning its logic and excessive strong language. Our discussion shifts gears to acknowledge the potential of the film's lead actor, who also choreographs for the "X-Men" movies, suggesting that a better script could unlock new horizons for him.  Tune in and send us your guesses for next Saturday's movie to snag a shout-out.

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Transcript

Cinema Saturdays

Speaker 1 0:00

The weekend's here. It's time to unwind. Grab your snacks, leave the week behind. Blockbusters classics, they're all on the way. Let's kick it off with Cinema Saturdays.

Speaker 2 0:21

Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the Couch Critic. This is a unfortunately it's a late Cinema Saturday episode. This episode is not releasing on a Saturday because some people not going to name any names don't understand the concept of a Cinema Saturday. I'm not going to name any names. I'm not going to name any names. I'm not going to say anything. It I do have a special guests or two on the show and I'm just going to let them introduce yourselves and introduce themselves and they can possibly admit that they're the ones who don't understand the concept of a schedule oh, if you're talking about us, this is, this is, uh, it's me, it's katie, and I'm joined by.

Speaker 4 1:05

I love my life yeah, scotty at the movies scotty at the movies.

Speaker 3 1:12

Maybe katie is not at the movies. Um, katie, formerly from katie, and nadine katie. The movies rest in peace. Um, yeah, we were on a romantic valentine's, you know weekend get, so we were unable to record. I'm so sorry. You know what Nathan Love hurts, okay.

Speaker 2 1:32

That's funny. You say that because that's exactly the name of this movie, and before we can talk any more about it, I have to go over the synopsis. That's right, I still do that. A realtor is pulled back into the life he left behind after his former partner in crime partner former partner in crime like mingy resurfaces with an anonymous message. With his crime lord brother also on his trail, he must confront his past and the history he never fully buried.

Speaker 2 2:03

Love hurts stars k hua kwan I don't know I don't know if I'm saying his name right ariana de boye, mustafa shakir and leo tipton all fun named people in this movie. So the star of this movie actually was starred in another movie way back in the day, the goonies, and also he was in indiana, jones and the temple of doom, and so he's come a long way. He was also in the movie everything everywhere, always at once. I don't know. I guess that movie think was overrated, I don't think it was that great. And so now he's back in one of his only full starring rolling films, love Hurts. So yes, this is a movie based around Valentine's Day, it is martial arts action. But is it any good? Katie Scotty, what do you think?

Speaker 4 3:04

When can we throw out our, our numbers, we have to talk about the movie first so little of this movie.

Speaker 3 3:12

He's ready to rake already, though it was a.

Speaker 4 3:16

It was lots of pithy dialogue. You know exceptional on-screen chemistry, so so many things that made the Valentine's Day special that much better.

Speaker 3 3:27

Yeah, okay, so here's how. The real truth is that I watched the trailer and I thought that doesn't really look that good, but I really need to watch it to make sure I can record with Nathan. So I dragged my husband there on Valentine's Day and it had action. I thought bare minimum there will be action. There will be blood, people will die. So Scott, it had action. I thought bare minimum there will be action. There will be blood, people will die. So Scott will be into it. And I thought for me on my side, I was like surely there will be some funny parts Like it may not be a good storyline, but like I'll laugh. I did not laugh. What were your thoughts on the action scenes? It was okay. You would think that that part would be good because the guy that produced it is a stunt. So you're like the one thing that he should have gotten right would have been the stunts.

Speaker 4 4:12

I think that some of my biggest challenge was in feeling like a lot of things felt very forced, including the violence, the scripting, including the violence, the scripting, the plot itself did not feel like things flowed particularly well for me personally.

Speaker 3 4:32

Yeah, I never really felt like he was in major danger either. Does that make sense? I was never worried about him being in danger. None of the bad guys really were scary to me, especially. Honestly, the person that fell most flat for me was his brother. I felt like his brother and the guy that like the buzz cut guy that was like I guess messed him over with money. He was like always calling people on the phone, I think it was like his assistant yeah.

Speaker 3 5:00

Both of them. Just I was like I'm not at all invested in you and I'm not scared of you in any way whatsoever. Not good for a villain.

Speaker 2 5:10

Yeah, I didn't care about any of the characters. I cared not one lick about any one person Actually, I lie, I take that back. The Raven guy I thought his character was cool. Now, now, this is the same actor that was in luke cage. He played the bushmaster guy. I thought his character was compelling, fun, totally like out there to all the other characters. I, yeah, I liked. I liked his character. I did think the relationship between him and, uh, him and I believe her name's ashley. I thought that was like completely out of nowhere, very forced, very rushed, but his character himself I thought was really cool with, like, the throwing of the knives and just his presence. He just has a really cool presence on screen. I think that's when katie and I watched luke cage. I think that was one of the characters that we talked about. His character was very, uh, compelling. Do you remember him in luke cage at all?

Speaker 3 6:17

like I have no idea what I'm talking about. No, I did not remember just now you're saying that, but I knew I recognized him from something and, yeah, I agree with you, I really liked him. I think that their relationship was my maybe my second favorite. Again, I think one of the biggest misses for me was the chemistry. And again, if this is supposed to be like a satire spoof movie, maybe, like, maybe that's like supposed to be what it is, like it's satirical, like never, ever would these characters have chemistry, um, but I don't know like I need the director to come out and tell me if that was the goal, because the chemistry was awful between all of them and honestly, I don't.

Speaker 2 6:55

I think they I think they mentioned that like a little bit like yeah, I know you may not think that he's that my typical guy, but he's just so cute and so nice. I think that's why she liked him. But at the same time, she wanted him to be ultra violent and beat up people. It's like she liked him because he was nice, but she also wanted him to be ruthless and just that's the whole.

Speaker 3 7:21

That's the whole plot hole or that's the whole problem. The plot is like she's only back because of a selfish reason like what, what endearing qualities does she have that would draw him to her, other than he's like she's pretty hot and we used to have fun together? I don't know, I just I feel like what was that?

Speaker 2 7:43

where did that come from?

Speaker 3 7:44

pretty hot. I think that's from napoleon died late. I digress um. I just felt like there was not any reason for them to be together and I felt like I did not like her character at all, like she was just selfish and everything she was doing was for her own good. And then you want me to want him, this guy that you're within five minutes. You like his character, like I feel like he's court, like you're within five minutes. You like his character, like I feel like he's, like you're like, oh, I'm rooting for him. I don't want him to be with her.

Speaker 4 8:12

She left him. She left him to go get the money.

Speaker 3 8:14

Yeah.

Speaker 4 8:16

Right.

Speaker 3 8:16

And then the only reason she's back Is to get her money back. She left him.

Speaker 2 8:22

She left him believing that he would follow her, and he eventually did because he realized that he loved her. I don't know. Yeah, it was stupid it was. It was very dumb. I was hoping that at the end, when the brother has the, he still has the baseball bat. When they were kids, I thought it was going to be one of those like sentimental moments where they were going to have a reconcile kind of thing. That's what I was hoping for, actually, and that didn't happen at all, and so I was really, really like this movie could have gone in such a a nice tie it with a bow, everyone comes together. It's this super sweet moment because I was hoping that he would realize that he doesn't need to be that over the top beating up people killer guy, because he had, he had made a life for himself as a nice guy and so I just nathan says that it's not until just this moment.

Speaker 3 9:23

I'm realizing, did we like, do we have closure? Like, does he go back to?

Speaker 2 9:28

he goes back to her.

Speaker 3 9:29

Like they end up together, I guess guess, Like he's just like literally, like we didn't we get no closure. Like is he just literally done with the real estate life and he's just back to his old ways, Cause you're right, Like that's what character development standpoint. We've digressed. It's like it's like a.

Speaker 2 9:49

it's like of like john wick. At the end of john wick, he decides that he's going to you know what, I don't need to seek revenge, even though john wick doesn't do this. But it's kind of like that, you know, like you take this character who's just filled with revenge and by the end of the movie they're like you know what, I don't need to be like this. I, I made a life for myself. Why am I? Why? Why am I killing people? Why am I beating these people up for this? What for this? For this woman who's telling me to what? What is this? No, no, the movie should have been about the Raven guy, because that's exactly what his character does. In a way, he's like why am I killing people? I have this girl that I met. I love her, she's great, she understands me, she gets me, she loves my poetry. Why?

Speaker 4 10:37

couldn't the movie have been about that guy? It's true, I mean, it really is hard. We saw what happened to Frodo when Samwise wasn't there to carry him.

Speaker 3 10:43

Oh yeah, that was just a silly scene. He gets stabbed with a boba straw In the eyeball and dies.

Speaker 4 10:50

Yeah. Gets stabbed with a boba straw in the eyeball and dies. Yeah, that was messed up too.

Speaker 2 10:53

I was like I was like what, what is this? Why would you bring back sean aston and they were in the goonies together. That's the only reason why why you would do that to the nostalgia purposes. But I'm like, come on, why we just stab him in the? Just let him live. This is so stupid. And that's why, well, that's why I was OK that they didn't have a reconcile moment, because he killed his best friend.

Speaker 3 11:17

There you go. Can I tell you guys who my favorite character was? The rival real estate agent. That's actually, I think, one of like he's actually a real life real estate agent Property brother. Yeah, I thought he was funny. I thought he was in the bit for like maybe 60 seconds total, but I thought he was hilarious and I loved they killed him off. I thought that was hilarious. Yeah, he's he's like.

Speaker 2 11:47

he's like the guy from indiana jones who like comes up and like starts swinging his knives and stuff and then Indiana Jones just comes out and shoots him in the head. That's exactly what his character is.

Speaker 3 11:59

Anything you liked, nathan, anything you could give a nod to.

Speaker 2 12:03

The Raven guy. I thought he was my favorite character. That's about it. This movie was terrible. What about you, Hun?

Speaker 4 12:09

But that's about it. This movie was terrible. What about you, hunt? I'm going to say that I feel like this movie checked the box I expected it to. I feel like if I went in with expectations of this is going to be like theatrically brilliant, I would be consistently disappointed. But I think I walked in with the expectation of. This is a movie that was released around Valentine's Day and it's going to be maybe a little cheesy and maybe be entertaining for an hour and a half, and I feel like it did that. It was not.

Speaker 5 12:39

Yeah, that's fair. I didn't feel like.

Speaker 4 12:41

I was annoyed the whole time I was in the theater, but I also didn't have a high bar, so I feel like it did what I feel like it was built to do.

Speaker 3 12:52

Yeah, my favorite part was getting to watch it with you, honey, there you go.

Speaker 2 12:57

I'm sorry, sorry, threw up in my mouth a little bit, yeah, but no, I mean the fight scenes were fine. I just thought that the fight scenes were, for the most part, were too over the top. That's why I can't rank the the fight scenes as one of my favorites is because I was like like the first couple. I was like, oh, that's cool, and then the more they went on, I was just stupid. This is just stupid.

Speaker 3 13:22

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 13:23

So let's go ahead and uh let's go ahead and rate this piece of crap. Katie, what would you give?

Speaker 3 13:30

love hurts I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to give it. Give it a one, it at least gets a point. Because I did crack up laughing when the property brother got a whole shot in his head and I actually kind of liked the craven office girl romance. I thought of fun.

Speaker 2 13:49

Scotty, what about you?

Speaker 4 13:52

oh yeah, it was strong 1.5 oh okay so what?

Speaker 2 13:59

what takes it to the point five?

Speaker 4 14:03

I, I feel like I liked some of the characters and I I there's a piece of me that liked the fact that they didn't feel like they had to recruit big mainstream actors, that there were also some people that I didn't know well, kind of kind of shooting the shot.

Speaker 3 14:19

I'm a fan fan, there you go. That's fair, okay. I disagree with you Okay.

Speaker 2 14:27

I disagree with you very strongly, but I respect your opinion.

Speaker 3 14:31

I can't get on board with that idea, though, that these movies these days just rely on the the expendables.

Speaker 4 14:39

I'm like okay, guys. I mean like just every action. Hey, what's wrong with the expendables?

Speaker 2 14:42

The Expendables. I'm like okay guys, I mean like just every action. Hey, what's wrong with the Expendables? It's Expendables Besides everything. Yeah, so I'm going to give Love Hurts a strong one out of five. I'm going to go with Katie, and it was mostly because of the Raven character His name's it's not the Craven, oh sorry, it's the raven character and I just thought I.

Speaker 2 15:07

I just thought his character was just the most compelling of them all and I wish they just focused on him because he was cool, maybe in a spinoff, because they didn't kill him off, did he?

Speaker 3 15:19

no, oh, you know who your favorite character was, honey, who we were. The movie's about to be over and he leans over. He's like are we gonna get closure on that guy and his wife? The the bad guy. That's like texting with his wife and trying to get back there and he's like trying to reconcile with his wife that left. I think I feel like you like that storyline yeah, I.

Speaker 4 15:41

I feel like I have questions about how he and his buddy are surviving and thriving on the floor slashed out he was like no, you see yeah, I didn't see, and I'm glad you mentioned that too.

Speaker 2 15:52

I know we already rated this thing, but there are other things I want to talk about. So, yeah, the the again it's. It's an action film. There's going to be over the top violence, there's going to be questionable things happening, but yeah, when they got all those slashes on them, I'm like how did they live? How did they live from that? And number two the number two thing I did not like about this film is that I don't know how you are about language, but I thought the language was just too much. Would you agree?

Speaker 3 16:22

I didn't have it, I didn't appreciate it.

Speaker 2 16:24

I mean, it's an action film. I just thought every word was something, every sentence had something in it.

Speaker 3 16:31

Yeah, we were public school kids.

Speaker 2 16:33

I was public school kid too. What are you talking about? Yeah, but you know, yeah, well, I don't know about that.

Speaker 4 16:40

I also have questions about how we shot automatic weapons and hit no one and then, all of a sudden, that's how every movie is.

Speaker 2 16:50

That's how John Wick is. John Wick is like that They'll shoot at people and miss. But John Wick is like boom, the Walking Dead is the same way. Everyone misses the good guys on the Walking Dead. But then you give a Walking Dead good guy a gun, they're like. And like the walking dead is the same way, like everyone misses the good guys on the walking dead. But then you give a walking dead good guys a gun, they're like boom, well, first shot, boom in the head. So yeah, I I don't look at logic when it comes to like that kind of stuff. I look at logic like getting slashed over and over again by the Ravens knives.

Speaker 3 17:25

Yeah, yeah, it's slashed over and over again by the ravens, uh, knives. Yeah, yeah, it's, it's not. It's not worth for anyone listening that has not already been sold on this. Watch the trailer, and that's as far as I'd go that's basically the movie.

Speaker 2 17:34

Basically, it is like, if it and that's how most trailers are nowadays, though, like they give away everything but this, this one really did. It starts off with him nice, it shows the girl, and then it shows at the end you want me to be a monster? Okay, here I am. Boom, that's the whole movie, right there yep, that's all you need to watch it shows this whole character arc I don't know.

Speaker 3 17:57

I'd be willing to give him another chance. I don't know that he's to blame for the bad like script writing.

Speaker 2 18:01

I'd be willing to give give him another chance for our movie also, do you think it's stereotypical to expect him to star in a martial arts movie?

Speaker 3 18:12

I didn't know he could do marshall. I mean, like it would be one thing if he learned it just for this.

Speaker 2 18:16

If he was already doing that, then I don't think it's stereotypical okay, good, because he was, like this, the choreographer for the X-Men movies. Did you know that? Who was? Probably didn't the star, the guy in the movie.

Speaker 3 18:29

Didn't know who's his name. What's his name?

Speaker 2 18:35

K-Hua Kwan.

Speaker 3 18:41

The choreographer of the X-Men movie. I'm just like.

Speaker 4 18:42

I'm trying to think back the stunt choreographer, the x-men movie. I'm just like I'm trying to think back the stunt choreographer the like the fight guy sure. Well, that's where I'm at, though, is I'm trying to think about all the fight scenes from x-men, and whether or not I'm impressed by that or not.

Speaker 3 18:57

If you can't, remember it, then probably not.

Rebuilding the Avengers

Speaker 2 18:59

That's where I'm at well, this has been fun. We've moved, we've talked way past the ratings, we already did the ratings, and so this has been fun. So next week's episode, I'm going to let you listen to it and then you can guess by sending some fan mail trying to guess what we're going to be talking about. The next actual Cinema Saturday it will appear on a Saturday, so take a listen.

Speaker 5 19:26

You and I haven't always agreed on how much latitude enhanced individuals deserve, but what you've accomplished has given me reason to reconsider, which is why I want you, captain America, to help me rebuild the Avengers. The Avengers, yes, sir. What would all do? Respect, sir. When you passed the Sokovia Accords, you tore the Avengers apart. Why the change of heart? I represent all Americans now.

Speaker 3 20:23

Was it your mom?

Speaker 2 20:24

Shh, I'm not telling you what it is. You have to click the send us a fan mail or send us a text, whatever it's called. Send us a text link in the show notes to be able to guess, and if you're correct, you'll get a shout out.

Speaker 3 20:40

So yeah, babe, you should get down there and guess.

Speaker 2 20:44

This has been the Couch Critic, where every movie gets its close-up Lights are low, the screens are glow, but we'll go.

Speaker 1 20:56

only movies know Popcorn's popping. It's time to stay. Let's escape with Cinema Saturdays.