The Couch Critic
The Couch Critic is your laid-back guide to movies and TV shows that deserve your attention—or maybe don’t. Nathan dives deep into storytelling, character development, and cinematic style with a sharp eye and a wry sense of humor. Whether it’s a blockbuster hit, a hidden gem, or a cult classic, Nathan’s relatable approach ensures every episode feels like a cozy chat with a friend who just happens to love film. Perfect for casual watchers and cinephiles alike, The Couch Critic brings thoughtful critique without the fluff. Grab your favorite snack, settle in, and let Nathan guide you through the world of screen entertainment.
The Couch Critic
Why Can't We Just Let Dinosaurs Stay Dead?
Two film buffs with a shared love of cinema and a friendship spanning nearly twenty years reunite on this episode to dissect the latest installment in the Jurassic franchise.
Nathan welcomes college friend Mitch to the podcast for a raw, unfiltered conversation about Jurassic World Rebirth and whether this seventh film in the series was necessary at all. Their journey begins with fond reflections on the groundbreaking 1993 original – a film both agree stands as a "timeless, evergreen" masterpiece that never required sequels. From there, they track the franchise's gradual decline, pointing out how each subsequent entry moved further from what made Jurassic Park special.
The discussion turns brutally honest when addressing Rebirth's fundamental flaws. "I did not care one iota about any one person in this movie," Nathan declares, criticizing the paper-thin characters and illogical plot developments. Mitch, while finding some enjoyment in the experience as "a welcome distraction on a summer Thursday afternoon," acknowledges the film's failure to bring anything new to the table. Both hosts particularly lament the over reliance on CGI, contrasting it with the practical effects that made the original's dinosaurs so memorable.
What emerges is a fascinating exploration of modern blockbuster filmmaking itself. The hosts dissect how studios prioritize recognizable IP and star power over storytelling, with Nathan suggesting, "It doesn't matter how good the quality is anymore when it comes to summer movies." Their conversation touches on nostalgia-baiting, the ethics of continuing franchises past their natural endpoints, and the diminishing returns of perpetual reboots.
Whether you're a dinosaur enthusiast disappointed by recent installments or a film lover curious about the state of summer blockbusters, this episode offers thoughtful commentary, genuine friendship, and the perfect mix of criticism and humor. Listen for their final verdicts (spoiler: ratings range from 1.5 to 3 stars) and stay tuned for next week's anticipated review of the new Superman film.
Get back press play. It's a brand new day, we're diving deep and the film's our way From classics to the ones you miss. Grab your snacks, you get the gist. It's Cinema Sunday on the Couch Critic Show, where the stories shine and the opinions flow, popcorn's hot, the takes are bold, we laugh, we cry, we break the mold. It's Cinema Sunday. Let the credits roll. Hello everyone, and welcome to another Cinema Sunday on the Couch Critic. I'm your host, nathan, and on today's episode I'm super excited because it's not my best friend, katie, but it is a good, good, good friend of mine, who I actually went to college with, and I've been trying to get him on the podcast for a while and we just now are able to get our schedules working. So let me introduce my good friend, mitch Mitchell. Mitch, mitch, yeah, we'll do, mitch.
Speaker 1:So, Mitch, let's just go ahead and tell our listeners how you know me.
Speaker 2:Mitch, let's just go ahead and tell our listeners how you know me All right. So I've known Nathan since the year 2006. We did Into the Woods at Southeastern together. We also started our own pilot. We did a pilot, concept pilot for a TV show called the Dorm, which we're both very proud of, because I really think it would have done well if I had stayed on campus. It wasn't his fault, it was my fault that it didn't go anywhere.
Speaker 2:But since then, nathan and I have I don't think we've seen each other in the flesh since, I think, 2008, which is crazy. To me, that's almost 20 years, which is crazy. But since then we've both found of found our way into educational theater, which I think is where we both kind of belonged. Anyway, I think that's, you know, it's definitely my calling, I know it's yours too, and we both we both always loved movies. We both always had our own, our own opinions on them. Whether we, whether we agree with each other or not, we both I, we both have a level of respect for each other, just being cinephiles that we are. So I'm very excited to be on the podcast today well cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm super excited because I told Mitch before we started recording that I didn't want to talk about what he thought of this movie, because I just wanted to be fresh and on the spot. And yeah, so we're talking about Jurassic World Rebirth. This is the fifth, sixth, seventh movie in the Jurassic Park slash world franchise, which started in good old 1993 with what I think I'm already going to kind of kick off what I thought. I think Jurassic Park was the only one ever needed. I don't think they ever needed to make any of the other ones. I know the lost world was based on a book as well, so that I guess I haven't watched that one in a while, so I guess I didn't need to re-watch that. But all the other ones, I was just like it's jurassic park 3 when alan grant is on the plane and he's having a dream, and that's when you know, that's when you know and it's also sorry.
Speaker 2:I didn't mean to cut you off, but it wasn't even a raptor he'd ever seen before. It was the one with the horns in the back of its head. So it was. It was odd. That was my first when I saw it in the theater. God years, I was like he's never even seen that raptor before. Why is he singing?
Speaker 1:and then it has the muppet now ellen, yeah, and when and when they wanted to, you know, bring it back with jurassic world with chris pratt and bryce dallas howard, which they're both talented people that I've seen them in other things. Bryce Dallas Howard has directed a few things that I actually enjoyed, so I know they're both crazy talented. But those movies were going in a direction where I really had to roll my eyes multiple times because they wanted to save the dinosaurs, dinosaurs. And then the second one was continuation of wanting to save the dinosaurs and introducing a possible human dinosaur hybrid clone, which was weird. And then jurassic world dominion sorry, really disappointed me because they sold it as, oh, we're bringing back the original people alan grant, jeff goldum and what's their face? They're all coming back and I'm thinking, okay, they're going to be the ones to set Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard's character straight and finally they're going to come to the consensus that dinosaurs don't need to exist because they died out for a reason. But no, no, if you haven't seen it, spoiler alert. Spoiler alert.
Speaker 1:I've taken to the conclusion that humans and dinosaurs can co-exist, even the original people who Jeff Goldblum is known for? His line that just because you can doesn't mean you should. He goes from that to sure, why not, why not? So I going from that to jurassic world rebirth. I don't know why they called it Jurassic World Rebirth. They should have called it Jurassic Park Rebirth, because people care about the Jurassic Park franchise Anyway. So I want to know your thoughts. I mean, it sounds like you kind of have the same thoughts that I do, but what are your thoughts on what we've seen so far before we talk about this new movie?
Speaker 2:All right. So talking about Jurassic Park, I do agree with you. I think that Jurassic Park in and of itself is it's one of those timeless, evergreen films. I think that it's universally loved. I think it will always be a movie that looks good. The dinosaurs look good. It's very practical, it's a very evergreen film. I don't think it's dated at. Look good, you know, it's very practical, it's it's it's a very evergreen film. I don't think it's dated at all. I don't think it ever will be. The only thing that would date it is probably like compact CD, you know, cd-rom, all that stuff, anything that brings it into the to the nineties, but to improve or tell a further story because it does its job so well. So, yes, lost World and Jurassic Park 3, it was like okay, you know both Jurassic, I mean. Lost World is okay. I mean I would say it's probably the least worst sequel In the Jurassic World.
Speaker 2:I did enjoy Jurassic World when it came out. I will say I've probably only rewatched it twice, and that's me being nice. I think I'm giving it one. I think I probably only rewatched it once. The rewatch value on the sequels, any of them is bad. Fallen Kingdom is that the one with. That's the one in between right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's when they introduced the human hybrid clone thing and she's like introduced the human hybrid thing and she's like when she presses that button at the end to save the freaking dinosaurs, I, I really wanted to throw something. I was like are you kidding me right now?
Speaker 2:yeah, and then the whole welcome to jurassic, where it was. Just, it was like, okay, then, like you said, you know, we're, we're bringing back the original cast. I'm like, okay, this is going to be the one that really does it. And that, in my opinion, is probably the worst. Dominion is the worst one Because for the majority of the film, it's not even a dinosaur movie, it's a beetle destroying crop movie. And the language and the script, the writing, is horrible. What's the? You said Laura Dern, ellie, I believe, is the character name ellie when she was like oh yeah, knockham slid into my dms. I'm like what person over 50 says that? No one. And this is how they're talking in the film. So, yeah, I'm with you. 100. Jurassic park in and of itself did not, does not need the other six that we have. Okay, so the? But in this scenario, jurassic World does not give us anything new.
Speaker 1:No. I don't think it just repeats what we saw in Jurassic park, yes, and just reiterates the fact that hey, doing this is a bad idea.
Speaker 2:I think that's why I enjoyed it. I don't know if I'll ever see it again, but in, you know, going to the movies, you know I've really enjoyed. You know shout out to all my now fellow teachers this is my first summer, my first adult summer. Oh my God, it's as great as you said it was. So going on a random Thursday to go see a movie midday, I think it fit that the whole vibe. I got my popcorn. I had my jacket on, my Jurassic Park jacket on everybody there, we all knew what we were getting into and I think all of us had very bottom-of-the-ground expectations for this film. So going into it like that, I think we enjoyed it.
Speaker 2:But would I say it's a great movie? Absolutely not. Would I say it's a bad movie? No, it's a middle-roader for me. Like, I feel like it does what it's supposed to do. You know people running from dinosaurs. I've always said that's the franchise. If we're going to continue making them, that's what it should be. I did like the, the use of, like a, a site that creates, like you know, the, like the freak shows, I guess, guess, so it did things that I liked, but all in all, I think it was the same screenwriter as the first film and they were probably like we want you to save us. He's like well, hold on, let me just Xerox. Or he probably ran it through AI and said update, that's it.
Speaker 1:It was like I'm assuming we're talking about Jurassic World Rebirth, now it that's it. It was like. It was like I'm assuming we're talking about jurassic world rebirth, now. It was basically like a hodgepodge of the first one and the third one and a little bit of the second one, but I so so, going right into my thoughts on this movie, I'm not even gonna go over the synopsis because I don't want to waste my time with it.
Speaker 2:I did not like this movie.
Speaker 1:I did not like it because for multiple reasons. Number one they just outright, at the beginning of the movie, basically admitted that all the Jurassic World movies before this one were pointless and stupid. Because they? Number one they said it's been 32 years, so 1993, they're going all the way back to Jurassic Park. It's been 32 years since Jurassic Park and dinosaurs don't mean anything anymore. Nobody cares about them, they're all dying off. You know why? Because everyone in the original Jurassic Park movies were 100% correct. They ended Dominion, making it look like it was going to be this, this great new future humans and dinosaurs coexisting together. And it's not possible. It's not possible. So right there out the gate, this movie admits that everything they did before was stupid and dumb. So that's that's number one reason why I didn't like this movie.
Speaker 1:Number two they basically tried to give us a new alan grant and a new laura dern and a new jeff goldblum character. Okay, all of them were stupid. The script was dumb. I did not care one iota about any one person in this movie. I did not have any connection with these characters. And they tried to make you have connections with these characters by giving them stupid, stupid, sobby backstories. Ok, that's number two. That's why I didn't like it.
Speaker 1:Number three you had the dumb dad who's out in the boat with his children in the middle of nowhere and allowing his daughter I'm assuming she's 18. She's about to go to college allowing his daughter to date. The stupid guy who has one or two moments of heroism, heroism, whatever you call it yeah, I didn't care about that family whatsoever. And then he gets offended when someone says, hey, maybe you shouldn't be taking your kids out in the middle of the ocean, what you think? You're saying I'm a bad dad and in my head I'm thinking, yes, yes, you are a bad dad Because you know that there are these ginormous dinosaurs in the ocean and yet you're taking your children out and you say it's because it's the summer and it's like summer school, and they're still what? No, this is stupid.
Speaker 1:So I thought this movie was so dumb. I was very disappointed that I didn't see. See, because here's, here's what could have redeemed this movie for me. Okay, in almost every single Jurassic Park or Jurassic World movie, it always ends with two big old dinosaurs fighting each other. Right, and it's usually the big old mutant dinosaur and a giant T-Rex coming out of nowhere saving the day. They did not do this in this movie. They gave the new dinosaur a freaking tumor on his head. I didn't know what in the world was going on. I thought it was cool.
Speaker 2:It looked like the rhino thing from the Fantastic Beasts franchise. I don't know if you've seen those, but it's got this big weird horn thing that has magic in it or something. That's a whole other topic, those movies, but it kind of was very reminiscent of that, like they used, they like took that template and kind of went okay, dinosaur with that. It did this, this weird like Rhino, t-rex thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then he had like little arms but, legs that he could walk with Cause. I understand it's supposed to be like this mutant hybrid I'm assuming right, half t-rex, half other major things but I couldn't get over the fact they had this giant tumor on his head like somebody do something about that tumor because he looks like he's sickly and well, like coming back to the end.
Speaker 2:I know we don't want to jump all the way to the end, but they go away. He walks away. Then they turn around and pick the guy up. I'm like, okay, he's not going to come back. The monster just was like, okay, I'm done, they won. They've bested me the logic. There was a lot of lack of logic.
Speaker 1:So you're saying that that guy single-handedly killed that thing, right, exactly, he literally cornered I'm sorry, and if you're listening to this you're probably like what you're giving away the whole movie. I don't care, okay. So he's cornered and you think, oh, this guy's dead. And he's not dead right and why?
Speaker 1:why? How is he not? How is he not dead? So yeah, this movie made no sense whatsoever. And again, I know there are people probably listening and they're thinking nathan, it's a movie about dinosaurs. Dinosaurs don't exist anymore. I understand that, but that doesn't mean that it shouldn't have high quality content attached to it. I just saw to sell this movie with Scarlett Johansson and Marcella Ali I'm assuming I'm saying his name correctly. They tried to promote it with star power, like they did with Chris Pratt and Bryce Howard. Dallas Howard or Howard Dallas, whatever her name is.
Speaker 2:I'm just like and they I don't, you're not going to listen. If you do, then becoming a dad and a husband have definitely changed you, nate. But the, the stupid boyfriend, is a character from. He's an actor who plays in the summer. I turn pretty, that series on prime, big, big to do. I mean, that's all I. I personally love it, but I I'm a I'm a sucker for the young adults series genre in general. But so, yeah, I think that they pulled him in. The minute I told a few of my students they were like, how was it? I'm like, well, so-and-so, from Summer I Turned Pretty was like, oh, I'm going to see it now. So I guess there is still some pull there for that. I guess getting people to come in, like you said, the star power to pull people in I think it's going to do well in the box office just because of what it is. I mean, our theater was full.
Speaker 1:I don't know about yours. It was, you know, thursday afternoon. It was pretty yeah. So yeah, I mean, obviously it's got the word Jurassic in it and it's got dinosaurs, so yeah, it's going to do well in the box office. At this point it doesn't matter because it's the summer. It doesn't matter how good the quality is anymore when it comes to summer movies. But yeah, that's really all I got to say about this movie. I don't deep dive into things. I don't deep dive into script analysis. I don't know if that's something you want to do.
Speaker 2:I don't think there's no script analysis to dive into. It is a Xerox copy of the original Like. Even the final shot is very much just like an AI rendering of a new version. Like I said, I liked it because I went in with zero expectations and it was a fun day at the movies. Like I said, I told everyone I'm like I just want people running from dinosaurs after dominion. I just wanted a return to form and that's what this is. I think a little too much of a return to form because it does nothing new for the franchise and then the whole. Like you said, we're talking. You know there's going to be spoilers, folks. It's like what are you going to do with the age or the, the dna? It's like I'm giving it and I'm not gonna get any money for like good for you. You know, seven people had to die, like the poor girl on the top of the boat, like the two people who were like running the boat, who were like living their lives, having a good time.
Speaker 1:Both of them just died, no problem at all oh, I'm sorry, I that whole time, the bad care and again, if you're listening, we're going all over the place. I'm sorry, but the whole time, the whole time that she was standing on top of that thing, I'm like why aren't you getting down? Why aren't you getting down?
Speaker 1:She doesn't die at that point. Let me say that she didn't die at that point, which I was very surprised she didn't. I was very surprised that she didn't die there, but she died trying to. I don't even know what she was trying to do, but anyway it was so. It was so anticlimactic. So so there are two things. You know. We're talking about how it harkens back to the originals. Let's, let's go back to that real quick. There are two things that made me roll my eyes again. So, and it kind of reminds me of what they did when they made the second Jumanji movie. Okay, so Jumanji classic movie, Robin Williams, may he rest in peace. He's amazing.
Speaker 1:They decided to make another one with the Rock and Kevin Hart. It was okay, I'm going to say it. It was okay. It wasn't good though, but it was okay. But they did this.
Speaker 1:They really take me off with a throwaway, quote-unquote tribute to Robin Williams by just having Alan Parr parish's name carved on a piece of wood and saying who's that? And they say something that's the guy that was here forever, or something, or he's, or he's still here, or something. It was so stupid, it was like a throwaway tribute. So, and it went back to jurassic world rebirth. The scientist guy just randomly says, oh yeah, I used to work under Dr Alan Grant years ago and I did hear some people in my audience go, oh, that's that guy from, that's the guy from. Like oh my gosh. And then tell me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 1:They overplayed. Now again, this is classic music, Don't get me wrong. They overplayed the Jurassic Park theme song. Oh God, yeah, and they did it on purpose. Oh yeah, they did it on purpose. They went, hey, hey, do you remember? This movie is in the same franchise as the classic Jurassic Park. We're going to remind you with the music over and over again. And sometimes it was like during the most random, not needed parts in the movie and I just threw it in there. So, yeah, this movie. If you can't tell already, I really thoroughly did not like this movie and Mitch kind of liked it. See, I went in with low expectations too, Like I wasn't in there, like, oh, this is going to be great, I can't wait. They got to up Dominion because that movie was fantastic. No, it wasn't. So I didn't go in this movie with high expectations whatsoever, but I did go in with wanting to give it a chance because it is it's dinosaurs, and the dinosaurs weren't even that cool.
Speaker 2:It relied solely on CGI. We got zero practical effects in this movie, which upsets me because I mean that's what makes the first one so great. I think those you know the extra time to go into, like the animatronics, and just those you know, those real-life, they just they live forever on screen. Those scenes with the T-Rex will live forever on screen and they will always be good, no matter what, and I will say this. Okay, going back to my personal opinion on the film, like I said, all of the elements had to work for this movie to work.
Speaker 2:For me, like I said, random Thursday off Went with my friend, got to put on all my cool Jurassic Park gear, got the cool popcorn bucket that came with it, fun afternoon at the movies in the summertime and I wasn't seeing anything new, it wasn't disturbing, or it was just another, like I said, run of the mill Jurassic Park, running from dinosaurs movie. Now will I purchase it? No, will I watch it again? Maybe to show Brooke the again. Maybe, maybe to show brooke the wife, maybe to show her, but it's, it's never one that I'm going to be like. Oh, you know what we need to watch right now? Rebirth, jurassic world, rebirth. That's the one. We need to watch it. Uh, yeah it it was a money grab. It's a it's a summer money grab, like you they're. They're just trying to keep people in the theater in the summer and we we could talk I mean that that's a whole nother podcast. We could talk about that, cause I saw three movies this past week. I saw Elio and I saw the new Lilo and Stitch.
Speaker 2:I have my opinion on those Like that in some. In some case, both of those, I enjoyed both of those movies. One of them was horrifically under marketed and lilo and stitch was just my bottom line. We can, we don't need to get into it now, but I I thought it was a matured tell telling of the story over the animated film. I really enjoyed the characters. I liked their motivations. Like I said, putting that aside, I do think that there are good movies in in the. You know the summer blockbusters, but this one was definitely universal going. Okay, we need to make money. Let's just throw a lot of. Let's grab Scar Jo and we can do something with it Because there were plenty of people there. My sister-in-law saw it just because she wanted to see Scarlett Johansson. So, like you said, that's what the star power was there to draw.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're putting the big names in there. But before we rate this thing, I just got to do a shameless plug. You just mentioned two movies. I actually reviewed both of those movies On a couple podcasts ago. So you can listen back on my Elio thoughts, which I actually I thoroughly love that movie, and my thoughts on Lilo and Stitch live action, which I still think the animated version is far superior. So you can go and listen to more of my thoughts on those two movies on the podcast. But let's go ahead and rate this movie and if you've been listening this entire time, you can probably guess what I'm going to give it. But I'm going to let my special guest, mitch, go ahead. What would you give Jurassic World Rebirth? One to five stars.
Speaker 2:I'd give it a solid three and the three is, like I said, because of when I saw it, how I saw it. Personally, it's a three. Like I said, I saw it how I saw it. Personally it's a three. Like I said, I enjoyed it. It brought us nothing new, but it was a welcome distraction on a stormy Thursday afternoon. So a three.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm going to give it a solid one and a half. The half is only because that cute little dinosaur that you know they put in there.
Speaker 2:Oh, I literally said sponsored by Mattel. When it came out Like loudly, I let everyone know that I thought that I'm like sponsored by Mattel, it was so funny.
Speaker 1:I mean it was, it was a very cute dinosaur.
Speaker 2:I got it. What was its name? Dolores? I think it was Dolores. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a name. What a name for a dinosaur.
Speaker 1:They should have named her Ellie Homage. Yeah, or Malcolm, I'm kidding. So those are our thoughts on Jurassic World Rebirth. Yeah, I saw it. There you go. So this Tuesday you can listen to katie and i's maybe it might just be me, I don't know yet. I haven't recorded it. By the time this episode drops of robert zumeckis's adaptation of a christmas carol, which I've seen before. I already know my thoughts on it. And then next cinema saturday, the movie that is probably my most I'm looking forward to, the most this whole summer Superman. I actually can't wait to see it. I cannot wait to see it. I know a lot of people are poo-pooing it already. I say get over, henry Cavill, it's over, it's done. This is what's happening, this is what's going to be the future of the dcu and I can't wait. I'm awful. So that is your next cinema saturday, superman. Thank you, mitch, for coming on. Hopefully you come on another episode.
Speaker 2:That'd be awesome thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess you know nine o'clock is our hour yeah, I mean, I guess I guess you know we'll talk to each other another. What 10 years another 10 years from now but thank you everybody, go follow us on all the social media platforms. You can find us on facebook, couch critic pod, just all the social media. You can find us just couch critic search it. And thank you for listening to the couch, where every movie gets its close-up Cinema Sunday. Let's rewind and smile.
