#121 Forgiveness: Freedom on the Other Side of Offense

Forgiveness is one of the most talked-about commands in Scripture, and one of the hardest to live out.

In this episode, we explore what biblical forgiveness truly is (and what it is not). We walk through Matthew 18, the story of Joseph in Genesis, and Jesus’ words on the cross. We also discuss what research reveals about forgiveness and emotional health, and how releasing offense impacts not only our spirit but our nervous system.

This conversation is both educational and deeply personal. I briefly share part of my own journey in learning to forgive my father, and how surrendering that relationship to God changed me.

If you’ve been carrying offense, replaying wounds, or struggling to release someone from what they owe you, this episode will guide you toward freedom.

In This Episode:

• What forgiveness is (and what it is not)
• The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21–35)
• Joseph’s story of betrayal and redemption (Genesis 37–50)
• Jesus’ posture of forgiveness on the cross (Luke 23:34)
• The difference between forgiveness, trust, and reconciliation
• Insights from the Stanford Forgiveness Project
• A practical 3-step framework for releasing offense
• SOAPling Ephesians 4:32 together

Key Scriptures:

• Matthew 18:21–35
• Genesis 37–50
• Genesis 50:20
• Luke 23:34
• Ephesians 4:32

Research Mentioned:

Luskin, F. et al. (2002). Forgiveness and health outcomes. Journal of Behavioral Medicine.
Stanford Forgiveness Project, Stanford University School of Medicine.

Download the Free Companion Study Guide

This week’s forgiveness study guide includes:

• Scripture references
• Reflection prompts
• A guided release exercise
• SOAP breakdown of Ephesians 4:32

Download it at:
 👉 shopjoyfulorder.com

Pair it with your SOAP Journal to go deeper.

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who may need freedom on the other side of offense.

Connect with Leslie:

Follow on IG: @yourjoyfulorderstyle

Website: https://shopjoyfulorder.com/

Email: lmartinez@yourjoyfulorder.com
to schedule- Speaking Events, Interviews or Life Coaching Sessions

Shop my SOAP Journal & Digital Products:
https://shopjoyfulorder.com/

Watch this Episode on You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsXoAYIM2mfclNtYiaOzIUw

Shop my Gratitude, Goals & Prayer Journal on Amazon:
https://a.co/d/09Djvaw

Transcript

Naming Old Wounds And Why They Still Sting

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Some of you are carrying something that happened years ago and it still has weight. Maybe it was betrayal, maybe it was abandonment, maybe it was words that were spoken over you that shaped how you see yourself even now, today. And if you're honest, you've tried to move on, you've prayed about it, you've pushed it out, you've maybe even told yourself that it doesn't matter anymore. But it still stings. Today we're going to be talking about forgiveness. And forgiveness is one of the most talked-about commands in scripture and one of the hardest to live out because forgiveness it feels unfair. It can feel like you're letting someone off of the hook. It can feel like you're pretending that the hurt or the pain just didn't even happen to you. It can feel like you're minimizing the pain, or that you are even automatically restoring trust. But biblically, forgiveness is none of those things. Forgiveness is not pretending, it's not reconciliation, it's not trust, it's not forgetting, it is releasing a debt. So, what does Jesus actually teach about forgiveness? And that's what we're going to get into in today's episode. So let's go. Hey everyone, I'm Leslie Martin, and you're listening to your Joyful Order podcast. Each week I will bring you joyful stories that will motivate and inspire you, but at the same time, bring order to your everyday life. Let's just say this show will be a mixture of preaching and teaching with a kick of motivation from your girl here. Welcome to your joyful order podcast. Hey friend, welcome to today's podcast. Today we're talking about forgiveness, not in a surface way, but in a way that forms us spiritually. We're grounding this in scripture. We're going to be looking at three stories from the Bible in Matthew 18, in Joseph, and Jesus on the cross. So if you want to go grab your Bible, go do so now. If you guys are listening for the first time in this new season, I'm bringing just more biblical insight to share with you. I'm kind of mixing some preaching and teaching. And I want to encourage you to grab your Bible and read along as I read. I also offer a free study guide with these episodes. So you can go to shopjoyfulorder.com and you can grab the episode number 121 study guide that goes along with this. But today we're going to start off in Matthew 18. And we're just going to first start off in scripture, y'all. And we're going to just kind of be bringing scripture, some research, some personal stories into this topic of forgiveness. Now, again, we're going to start in Matthew 8, 21. Go get your Bible. I have my Bible opened already here. And this is a story where Peter asks Jesus a very human question. He asks, Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times. Now, culturally, forgiving three times was considered generous according to Jewish tradition. Now, Peter doubles it. So he says, um, up to seven times, right? He's asking Jesus, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister? Up to seven times. Peter doubles it. He's like, okay, I'm gonna double it. And then everyone, that'll make me super spiritual. That'll make Jesus think that I'm like re I really got this forgiveness thing down, right? He felt like, I got this. I got this. I'm gonna impress Jesus. And Jesus is like, nah, bro, no, no, no, no. Not seven times, 77 times. And Jesus, like, he isn't giving math here. He is correcting posture. He's not throwing out, like, no, it's it's it's math, like some equation of 10 times. No, he's correcting Peter's posture. Now I want to read, we're gonna go in and like read this, read it. Um, let me take my glasses off here. So again, this starts in verse 21, Matthew 18, 21. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to 70 times. Jesus answered, I tell you, not 70 times, but 77 times. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle an account with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him 10,000 talents was brought to him. Okay, I'm gonna pause right there really quick. Now, there was a servant that owes a king 10,000 talents. Okay. One talent back then, as I went to Google Google to kind of do my research for this episode, one talent was about 6,000 denari. And one denarius was a day's wage. So 10,000 talents equals about 60 million days wages. I want you to think about that. Now, here's the math that Jesus is throwing our way. All right, this man owed the debt that he was a servant that owed the debt of 60 million days wages. There's uh like he's not even gonna live out 60 million wages. Now, let's go on. Um, here in verse 25, it says, Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. Then, uh, or the servant fell on his knees before him, be patient with me, he begged, and I will pay back everything. The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go. But when the servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. Pay back what you owe me, he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, be patient with me. I will pay you back. The tables have turned here. Okay, I'm taking a pause here. Now, the tables have turned here. Again, this man, now the servant who asked for for um basically his debt to be canceled. His debt was canceled. He he begged him, please forgive me. The man uh felt pity on him, he was forgiven. He goes out and runs into someone that owes him money now. Okay, now there is another servant begging the servant, hey, please cancel this debt for me. But listen to what he does. His own debt was just canceled, y'all. But he tells him, he refused. This is in verse 30. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. You wicked servant, he said, I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you? In anger, his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. Yellow. Okay. The king forgives the debt, right? Then that same servant goes out and refuses to forgive someone who owes him a hundred denarii. And this is like the contrast is the point here of what Jesus is is telling. Now, this is a parable that Jesus is speaking to Peter. Jesus spoke in parables to get a point across, he told stories. Now, the debt that we have been forgiven by God is immeasurable compared to what others owe us. And that is what Jesus was trying to show Peter here. Forgiveness in scripture is always rooted in remembering what we have received. And that is like indebtable. I don't even know if that's a word, but basically going back and looking at six 60 million days wages of work of work is what this man owed. And the debt that Jesus canceled on the cross for us is in like it's just immeasurable. And we can't pay back that debt. And that is what Jesus is trying to display here and give an example to Peter. Now, when we think of this story, I also want you to think of the not just the posture of Peter that Jesus is trying to change, but I want you to think of the posture of Jesus because he's talking to Peter. This is before Jesus goes and pays the ultimate debt for us on the cross. So Jesus was already preparing hearts to forgive before he went to the cross to pay the ultimate debt of forgiveness for us. Okay, so let's move on to another good example of a Bible story just to see what it really looks like in real life. Now, Jesus gave us a parable that was maybe a little far-stretched, right? Because six 60 million wages, days of work or whatever, that was very exaggerated. But Jesus did that on purpose to prove a point. Now, we're gonna go back and look at the story of Joseph, which is in Genesis 37 and 50. And I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna like read a ton of scripture. I'm basically just gonna summarize the story of Joseph just to pull the points of significance out for us to have a real life example of what happened. So here is a brief recap of the story of Joseph for those of you that aren't familiar with the story of Joseph or those that maybe need a reminder. Now, Joseph is Jacob's favorite son. Jacob gives him a special robe, and that's where the coat of many colors, you know, there's a whole like musical, the Joseph coat of many colors, right there. That's where it comes from. Joseph shares dreams indicating that his family will one day bow down to him. His brothers grew jealous because of that, because he was basically the chosen child. They plotted to kill him. And instead of killing him, they actually sold him to traitors. They sold him into slavery. Joseph is then taken to Egypt, and the brothers go back and tell his father that Joseph was killed by wild animals. So his father now thinks that, um, which is Jacob, Jacob now thinks that his son, his favorite son, was killed and mauled by some wild animals. Now, in the meantime, when Joseph is sold into slavery, um, he's sold to Potiphar, who is an Egyptian official. Now, this whole time, God was just with Joseph. He rises in leadership under Potiphar, and then Potiphar's wife actually falsely accuses him of assault after he refused to sleep with her. So then Joseph was imprisoned falsely, and in prison, Joseph interprets dreams. And Joseph had this special prophetic calling on him where he has dreams, and that's how God spoke to him. So he interprets Pharaoh's troubles in a dream, and he predicts the famine that is about to come on Egypt. So because Pharaoh sees that gift in him, Pharaoh then appoints him as second in in command of all of Egypt, y'all. All of Egypt, okay. The famine hits Egypt. The famine comes, and here Joseph is in like second in command in Egypt. Well, the famine hits hard, and his brothers come to Egypt to try to get food. They come before Joseph and they don't even recognize Joseph. They don't even know that the second in command is their own brother. And Joseph tests their character here. Eventually he revealed himself to them. He tells them, Hey, yo, I'm your bro. I'm Joseph. Remember me? Remember you like sold me into slavery? You wanted me dead? Yeah, me. I'm still alive. And guess what? I'm second in command here. Joseph weeps. He provided for them and he relocated his entire family to Egypt. Okay, now there is so much to this. But Joseph responded to his family first in saying, Hey, do not be afraid. Am I in the place of my God? And that was scripture in Genesis 50, 19. And then he goes on to say in Genesis 50, 20, he says, You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good. He reassures them and he spoke kindly to them. He did not seek out revenge. He did not just go off on them and say, yo, bro, you guys were jerks, you guys are evil and curse you or all this stuff. He he could have done any of that. He could have had them beheaded, he could have had them killed right then and there. He could have put them in prison and had them endure what he did in prison. He didn't do any of that. Joseph, he doesn't deny the wrongdoing. So through this, Joseph recognizes God's sovereignty. God was so sovereign with him during this time. It took time. It took testing. There was a process to Joseph forgiving his family. And Joseph's story just shows us that forgiveness can coexist with being wise, with having wisdom. And it can also require a process. And you can name the evil that happened to you. You can name the wrongdoing, the hurt, the pain of it, while still trusting God with justice of it. And Joseph just shows us that forgiveness can be a journey. So so much to learn from Joseph, right? Now, let's look at the story of Jesus, another great example of forgiveness for us. Now, we're gonna go to the cross. And I'm not gonna get too much into details with this because you all know the story of Jesus on the cross. Now, you could go to um Luke 23, 34, as Jesus is being crucified on the cross. I'm certain I have ref referenced this scripture so many times, but he says, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. As they put the nails in Jesus' body, as he was nailed there, some of his last words were father, forgive them. There's no apology, no repentance, no change behavior, but forgiveness in the middle of pain. That's all Jesus asked was for forgiveness as he was enduring one of the most horrific pains that a human being can suffer. He entrusted the justice be done to our father. Forgiveness is not just saying what happened was okay, it is surrendering revenge. That's huge. Forgiveness is surrendering revenge. Joseph shows us the process that forgiveness requires. He had to go through a process. Joseph endured some pain too. Jesus shows us the posture, and then it Jesus again in Matthew with him sharing with Peter, he shows us the principle of it. So it's important for us to look at all of this as a whole and see how the spiritual formation of forgiveness in our hearts is important for us to truly understand the character of God. And that's what I want to share with you. Now, I want to share just a little bit of my own personal story of forgiveness and how God worked in and through me with all of it. Now, I want to share my own personal story of forgiveness with you. For me, forgiveness became deeply personal in my relationship with my father. Now, I carried rejection for years. I've I've been very, I think, kind of open about my um upbringing and my relationship with my father. Um, I grew up in a very abusive um home, abusive emotionally and physically. And it was very enduring for me. And my parents, they divorced when I was about 17 years old. When my father left the home, um, he basically didn't look back. So my father has really not been a part of my life since I was 17 years old. And I've had a somewhat estranged relationship with him. Um, try to reconcile things and just be very, you know, open and still loving and receiving of him. Um, he has chosen otherwise. And there are some boundaries that I have created just to protect my heart and to protect my family also. But I have carried rejection for for years of it. But I want to share a story of how forgiveness basically shaped who I am today. So when I first got engaged with my husband, I had started to really seek after my relationship with God. We started getting connected in a church. Um, I wanted to get involved and start serving more. And I really felt this call to ministry early in my early 20s. And I felt God was really calling me to the next level. And I started doing things, you know, getting involved in church and really starting to create that spiritual formation that I felt him doing at the time. But I felt that there was this wall that I kept hitting. I just kept feeling like there was more that God was calling me to, but I just felt like I kept hitting a wall. And I had never shared that personally with anybody because I did not know how to process what I was feeling. I didn't understand this wall and like, okay, I feel God's calling me to more, but like, is this really God? Because if it's God, the door should just be wide open. I should be able to just walk in it. But I felt that there was this restraint and I did not understand what it was. Well, there was an event that I had gone to with my mom. It was a Mother's Day brunch at the local Sizzler. And my mom's pastor, at the time, my mom was attending a Spanish-speaking only church. So I wasn't going to the same church as my mom was because I just didn't feel comfortable there. My Spanish is very broken. Um, I didn't feel it was an area that I can grow in. So I was connected in a church, but um, I wouldn't say where I was at. I was fully committed to it yet. So I was kind of putting my fillers out of like, where is God taking me? Where am I supposed to be? I was at this Mother's Day brunch with my mom and my mom's pastor, we were sitting down eating, and my mom's pastor just came and pulled me up and she was like, Hey, Leslie, can I can I talk to you? I feel like God put something in my heart for you. So I was like, okay. So I go over and I'm listening to her, and she says, You know, I know everything that's happened with your dad. And I just I feel this word of God that God was giving her a word. And this, my my mom's pastor at that time, she had a very um prophetic gift. So she had the gift of prophecy of really God using her to speak to other people. So she began to tell me that the reason, she said, you feel like you've hit a wall with God. And the reason that you have hit that wall is because you have a lot of unforgiveness in your heart towards your father. And I'm like, who is telling this woman my secrets? I I had not shared that with anybody. And then I started questioning in my head, Did I tell this to my mom? And I was like, No, I know I didn't tell this to my mom because my mom at that time was the one person that I would not have shared any of that with and not. I don't say that in a bad way. Like, I was just my mom was just going through so much at that time. And still kind of in the middle of like officially divorcing my father. My mom was carrying the weight of so much already that I would not have put that burden on my mom. And that's why I know, like, I did not share that with my mom at that time. So here I am. I'm getting this prophetic message that this pastor is giving me. And she's saying, You have put walls up around your heart because of the forgiveness that you are carrying towards your father. Now, mind you, I had felt that I had already forgiven my father, but really truly, I had not forgave him wholeheartedly. So there at that sizzler during a Mother's Day brunch, she prayed for me. Um, she prayed for me to forgive my father for all the hurt, the pain, the rejection. She walked me through a prayer where I said it out loud. And I kid you not, after that prayer and like everything that she had told me, it was like a weight had come off of me. It was like I was carrying this weighted vest around that I didn't even know I had on. I did not know that I was carrying that extra baggage. And here I thought that I had forgiven him, but I really truly did not forgive him and surrender him to God. So that was the difference, is that I was still, I had said that I forgiven him, but I was carrying the debt that he owed me. And I had not fully surrendered him to God. And that's what I did in that moment. As she walked me through the prayer, it was I surrender him to you. I took that weight that I was carrying of the debt that he owed me off and I gave it to God. And from that moment on, y'all, it was I felt like I was in a race car because then it was just God took me from zero to like 200 miles an hour. And that's when I got heavily involved in ministry, you know, got married, had my son, started working full-time in ministry, and then here I am today. And I just remember that moment when the pastor prayed for me and she said, You need to surrender your father to God, not in anger, not in bitterness, but in release. And that's what I did. And I remember making that decision, not because it felt easy. It was not easy, not easy whatsoever, but because I knew that holding it was costing me more than it was protecting me. And that is the moment that forgiving my father wholeheartedly changed my path forever. Forgiving him did not erase the wound. It didn't erase the years of abuse, of emotional neglect, it didn't erase the words that he said to me, the rejection that I faced, but it released the grip that it had on my heart. And forgiveness didn't change the past, but it changed who I am. And I'm here today because I made the choice to release that debt to God. Now, I just want to clarify what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not. So forgiveness is releasing the debt, it is surrendering revenge to God, it is obedience. Forgiveness is a process of that, and forgiveness is spiritual formation. Now, this is what forgiveness is not, and I want to be very clear on what forgiveness is and what it is not. Forgiveness is not trust. You are not going back and putting trust into a person that has hurt you. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. Forgiveness is not taking boundaries down. And forgiveness is not forgetting what has happened to you. You can forgive someone and still have boundaries. Y'all, I have very firm boundaries with my father, like very firm boundaries. You can forgive someone and not trust them with access. Those boundaries have not allowed my father to get close to me or my family to hurt us again. There was a moment where my father had got really sick and I felt, and this was all, I think, part of the process of what God was taking me to kind of like full circle of closure with my relationship with my father. Um, my father had got really sick. My father lives in another country. I flew to that other country to go be with him for about a week. Um, actually tried to advocate for um medical treatment that he needed, went and saw his doctors and got paperwork and was trying to get him over to the States here. So I went out on a limb to do a lot of stuff for my dad, um, only to not even get a thank you. So I think going and doing that though was a firm like closure for me, where I decided I'm no longer going to put myself out there. I'm gonna keep these firm boundaries, but I think I needed that closure. And I think that's why God had me go there. It was an act of obedience, him sending me there first off to do what I did. But then it also brought closure to this process of forgiveness. And y'all, this is from 17 until I think I was like 42 when I went out to was it 42, maybe 42, 43? I don't know. But I mean, we're talking about a big gap. Um 17 when everything happened, I think I was about like 23, 24 when I actually had forgave my dad with that, with that pastor that she prayed for me as about say 24 years old, up until like my mid-40s. It has been a process. And I just want you to know that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Just because you forgive someone does not mean that you have to reconcile. You can look at like so many different scenarios, even you know, in in the Bible, it doesn't mean that you are going back and reconciling with these people. No, I want to give you a little bit of research too, because I always love to bring research into this because that's just me. That's the sociologist in me. I want to connect the theology to the physiological aspects of forgiveness. Now, there was a study. I found this study, y'all. You guys, can I just tell you how much I love doing research for the podcast? It takes me sometimes way longer to two to create like my outline of what I'm going to talk about because I'm like, oh, this is interesting. Let me find a research topic on this. And I go and I visit these like like journals to kind of look for um information. But I found this study. It was on the Stanford Forgiveness Project. It was led by Dr. Fred Luskin at Stanford University. And the participants who completed forgiveness training, they showed a significant reduction in anger, decreased stress, your physical stress symptoms, increased optimism, and greater emotional resilience. So this was a study done on people who like did this training on what forgiveness really looks like. There was also one study in the Journal of Behavior Medicine, and they found measurable improvements in emotional health after forgiveness intervention was compared to a control group. So it showed that forgiveness doesn't just free your spirit, that it actually calms your nervous system. It affects your physical body, like your nervous system. When we rehearse offense repeatedly, when we constantly are reliving the offense that was done to us, we activate stress response in our body. So forgiveness actually reduces rumination, it lowers chronic stress activation, and God commands us to forgive, not just for the moral right of it or for the spiritual formation of it, but to protect us. Physical stress that is endured from carrying unforgiveness, it will age you. I will tell you that. I personally have family and friends that I know are carrying a lot of unforgiveness in their heart. And let me tell you, they are not well physically. They are carrying that weight around and it is eating them from the inside out. Carrying unforgiveness is like eating a bad apple. And it is that bad apple is just sitting inside and it is rotting and it is releasing toxins, and it will aid you very, very quickly. Now, let's look at practical application of this. Now, here is where you can go and get your journal, and I want you to jot some things down, and I want you to put these questions into play here. Now, these will also these questions will also be included in the study guide. So again, you can go to shopjoyfulorder.com and you can download episode number 121 study guide, and you can get these questions in there. If you're driving, if you're listening and you can't necessarily jot this stuff down right now, just know that you can go and download the study guide later. Now, practical application. If you're struggling to forgive, here is a simple framework of something that you can do right now. One is to acknowledge the wound. Do not minimize it. It happened, acknowledge it. Do not try and make it go away. Acknowledge the pain, acknowledge the hurt, acknowledge everything that has come with whatever happened to you. Do not minimize it. Two is to name what was taken from you. Was it trust? Was it safety? Was it your reputation? Was it your innocence? Jot it down. Journal it. Name exactly what it was that was taken from you. Because that that is the pain that sits probably the most. Is that like for me, my my trust and safety was taken from my father. Like I it took me a very long time. I there were some issues that my husband and I had to work through because of the lack of trust that I had with men. Because I should not have been, like, I should not have endured the physical and emotional abuse that I did from the man who was supposed to keep me safe, my father. So that was taken from me. And there's a lot of other things that were taken. I think a part of my innocence was taken in that like I had to grow up a lot faster than I feel like I should have. There was a lot of responsibilities put on me as a child. Um, because my parents were constantly out working. So we were left home alone a lot. So for you, Gen Xers out there, we're known as like the latchkey kids, because we were left alone a lot. There was a lot of innocence that was stripped from me because of that. And the third thing that you want to do is you want to release the debt to God. Say it out loud. Write it out. I release this person to you, God. I am no longer carrying the debt that they owe me. I'm not. And I also want to emphasize on this. You must also learn to forgive yourself. There is someone that is listening right now that you have hurt people. You have said and done things that you are just so ashamed of. You are carrying this shame. And that's another thing that'll eat you from the inside out. You're carrying the shame because you haven't forgiven yourself. You think that you're not worthy of God's love, that you're not worthy of God's forgiveness because of what you have done to other people. If you have hurt someone and you're holding on to the pain of what you have done, the mistakes that you've made, you need to forgive yourself also. So go back, acknowledge what you've done. Name what you've done. Name what you've maybe taken from other people. If there are other people that you have hurt, was there trust that you broke with someone? Did you, you know, hurt someone's reputation? Did you take someone's innocence? Name it. And then you need to release it to God and ask God to forgive you and say, God, I I need to ask for forgiveness for what I have done. And this is something, again, forgiveness is a process. You may have to do this daily, of reminding yourself, God, I release this person to you. So one of the things that I had did while um shortly after um that pastor had prayed for me, that's where I began to pray for my father's heart. I had a prayer every day that I said for 23 years. And it would, it was hard for me to pray for my father in the beginning. I will say that it was very hard because there was still a pain and hurt that I felt from it. But I knew that I I gave the debt to God. Now I needed to pray for his heart. So I prayed, Lord, I pray that you soften my dad's heart. That's it. Like I needed the prayer to be simple and precise because that's what needed to happen. There needed to be a softening of my dad's heart. And it took 23 years for me to see now. Hold on. I forgot another part of that prayer. Not only did I say, Lord, I need you um it to soften my dad's heart, and I pray that he comes to know you. That was my prayer for 23 years straight. Lord, please soften my dad's heart and have him come to know you. So after 23 years, I sat in a hospital room with my dad when he was sick. Um, and I I heard him ask for God to heal him. And he basically said, like the doctor had came in to give him a diagnosis that was wasn't good at the time. And he said, I rebuke that in the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus, I am healed. As he held on to a cross necklace. Yeah, I didn't wear this cross with that intention. Um, my mom just gave me this cross for Christmas, and I'm wearing it for the first time today. But I remember that day sitting with my dad bedside at the hospital. And this was the first time that I had seen or talked to my dad in like, I don't know, I think I had been 15 years, and he got really sick. Um, and he sat there when the doctor came in and he said, the doctor was about to give him the diagnosis, and he put his hand out, he held onto that cross and he said, I rebuke this diagnosis in the name of Jesus, I am healed. And I was like, Who is this man? I like I was like, Yeah, God, I or Dad, I'm I'm in agreement with you that God is going to heal you. Um, but we we need to hear what the doctor is saying. She has something important to tell you. And the doctor did proceed, and she actually had said, you know, I I pray that you are healed too. However, you are in full kidney failure. And from that, I I remember I I had to leave the hospital room. At first, I looked around in the hospital room and I'm like, am I like unpunked? Am I on candid camera here? Is this a joke? Is all of this set up like am I dreaming this right now? Because the scenario of what we were in and hearing actually proclaim Jesus as his healer were years of prayers answered. And I don't know if that would have happened if I was still carrying the debt that my father owed me. It was a process 23 years of constantly praying, Lord, soften my dad's heart and allow him to know you. 23 years of prayers, prayers of me crying that out, for me to then see my dad hold the cross and proclaim Jesus as his healer. Don't give up, friend. Do not give up, even when those prayers seem redundant, even when they don't seem heartfelt, because you're like, I've been praying the same prayer over and over, and you just want to quit and give up. Keep saying the prayer because you do not know what is on the other side of that. You look at the story of Joseph, how long it took for him to forgive, and where he was when it happened. 23 years for me. There is someone that you have been holding a debt for, and it could be someone that hurt you, or it could be yourself. You need to forgive and give it to God. Now, I want us to soap together. For those of you that are new that have never heard of what soap is, it is a form of studying the Bible, it is a tool that you can use. And soap stands for scripture, observation, application, and prayer. And it is just a way for you to go a little bit deeper with scripture to help you understand it. So I end these episodes in giving you a scripture that you can soap with. And again, you can go to the study guide and you can go more in-depth there. There's a place there for you to soap. But the scripture that I am encouraging you to soap this week is Ephesians 4.32. And it says, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. So again, go, that's your scripture. Go write an observation out. What do you feel or see God sharing with you on this? Apply it to your everyday life, and then write a prayer out. And I would encourage you, go and read all of Ephesians 4 so you can see the context of which just that scripture is written in also. Now, as I get ready to close here, I just want to give you a few reminders and remind you that forgiveness is a formation. It is a spiritual formation. It shapes you into the likeness of Christ. It protects your heart from becoming hardened. It does not erase justice. It entrusts justice to God. Now, friend, if this episode resonated with you, do me a favor and share it, please. Share it with a friend, share it with someone that you feel could really use this. And don't forget to go and get your study guide on shopjoyfulorder.com. It includes the scriptures that we walk through, some reflection prompts. It has the guided exercises for you to do, kind of how we did here, and then just space to journal the process also. And again, you can download that at shopjoyfulorder.com. And if you want to go deeper, add a soap journal to that as you're there. The study guide is absolutely free. You can get it for free ninety-nine. It's a PDF on the website. But grab a soap journal also. And I just want to encourage you guys to really go deep in the Bible. Now, forgiveness. It may not feel fair, but it leads. To freedom and friend, you are worth being free. If forgiveness has been weighing you down, it is time to walk in that freedom. Because once you have freedom, that's where you can live your life joyfully. And I want to encourage you to go and chase that joy, release the debts that have been on you that you've been carrying for a long time. All right. So, friend, I'm just gonna say a quick prayer for you. Father God, I just pray for the person that is listening, Father God. I pray for their heart, Lord God. If there is forgiveness that they need to release to you, Father God, if there is someone that has caused hurt, anger, or mistrust, Father God, if there is pain that they've been carrying, shame, and forgiveness that they need to have of themselves, Lord God, I pray that they surrender it to you, Lord God. As we go through today, Lord God, and we've learned how you want us in the spiritual formation of forgiveness, Lord God, and how we continue to just um grow in your word, Lord God, through learning how to forgive others. So I pray that you soften their hearts, Lord, um, that they open their hearts to you, Lord, to receive what is on the other end of releasing this debt to you, Lord Jesus. I pray, Lord God, that you let them walk in freedom, Lord. You let them walk in joy, Lord God, and that this freedom that they have, Lord, just opens the door for what you are going to do in and through them, Lord God. In your name we pray. Amen. All right, friend, I just want to remind you that although forgiveness may not feel fair, it leads to freedom. And freedom brings joy, and that you are worthy of having. So until next time, friend, go and chase that joy. Bye.