Content note: we talk about medical stuff and medications/treatment towards the end of the episode. It's not graphic but please don't listen to us, and seek your own medical advice (but it might be helpful for some chronic thrush sufferers!)

SPEAKERS

LILY (the daughter), JENNY (the mother)

JENNY 00:00

This episode contains explicit language and is not suitable for younger audiences.

LILY 00:16

Part therapy part entertainment. Welcome to My Mum's Bad Diaries, the podcast with two women, two mics, and 40 years of diaries.

JENNY 00:25

I'm Jenny Ackland, a writer and teacher.

LILY 00:27

And I'm Lily Ackland, a bored office worker [laughter]

JENNY 00:31

In every episode, there'll be laughs cringe rants and candour. Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall?

LILY 00:38

Or have you ever wanted to read someone's diary?

JENNY 00:41

It's not weird.

LILY 00:43

We get it.

JENNY 00:45

Join us each week as we raid unseen unprepared diary entries in order. Oversharing guaranteed

LILY 00:57

Sorry, I am late, but I was in the bathroom being like when my timer goes off, I'll have them five minutes to like, get my shit together. And I got stuck in the vortex of my piercings. Because this top piercing, I have ear piercing being an absolute problem this whole time anyway, and just this morning, I was like: enough. Because I've had the... I still have had that original like ball stud that they put in

JENNY 01:23

One of the ones that are really hard to get out?

LILY 01:25

Yeah. Yeah. So yes.

JENNY 01:29

I've had that, I've tried to get out and failed,

LILY 01:31

obviously something about this piercing. And the ball stud means that it's not like chillin out like the rest of the other like the other you know, cartilage piercings I have. It just like out he's not chilling out for whatever reason. So I'm going to change that. I'm going to put in a sleeper like that, that until at least like it chills out and then maybe I could put another stud in or something. And I was thinking that's exactly what we were doing when I got my exemption. Remember, we were in the bathroom.

JENNY 01:58

Yeah

LILY 01:58

we were doing my piercings, you were helping. And we were just in hysterics about it because it was so painful and funny. And we're always trying to do stuff. Like I feel like you're always trying to help me with like, little things, earrings, or

JENNY 02:13

but it's always late at night, or it's always like just before we're gonna leave or it's always like it's never: let's shedule an hour for this because it's so fucking hard. And we're not gonna, you know, and then I get... It's always like, I'm ready for bed. And then you're like, Can you just? Yeah, then you got that email.

LILY 02:34

I know, anyway so it was funny.

JENNY 02:36

Exemption to travel. That's a whole other story. I was speaking to someone yesterday, I said, Are you old enough to know who Adam Ant he is? And she goes, Oh, she said, In my family, whenever we do dress ups, there's one person who always dresses up as Adam Ant. And she said, that's the only way I know who it is

LILY 02:57

So funny

JENNY 02:57

Yeah, it is so funny.

LILY 02:58

You should tell this person to listen to his podcast, this Adam Ant podcast that we got going on.

JENNY 03:05

[Laughter] I only look I just want to say only Season One is very Adam heavy.

LILY 03:09

Yeah, we swear there is an end, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

JENNY 03:12

There is an end to the Adam Ant stuff.

LILY 03:15

Well, on that note, should start reading?

JENNY 03:18

I think we should because we don't have as much time.

LILY 03:21

Yeah, we can't do three hours or whatever we did last time, which was ridiculous. I don't know why I was like, I couldn't stop talking. A spirit. A spirit possessed me.

JENNY 03:42

So we are in October 1981. Did we do the dream, we left it at the dream. So the 28th of October 1981. It's five to eight in the morning. And I just quickly want to record a dream I had early this morning. It's the second time Adam has appeared in one of my dreams. We were at dinner somewhere. Me and a few friends was there. Then Adam came and sat with us, saying very little. I noticed he was looking at ______ (the prettiest girl in the year level).

LILY 04:25

Right.

JENNY 04:27

I noticed he was looking at her and I thought Shit, she'd noticed too. And even though she knew I liked him so much, she played up to him. And this is taking me back to another memory which is not in the diaries. It's probably from about year nine. Someone had a party and my cousin ______, who is my age, came up to Melbourne to come to this party and also his friend came up

LILY 04:59

Right

JENNY 05:01

Who I'd had a massive crush on when I was a kid. And so here we are at year eight, year nine, and I'm in my- I still like him. And he disappears into a bedroom with ______. And I remember what I was wearing, I remember getting ready for this party, standing in the bathroom, I was wearing a white boob tube, I was wearing a white shirt. I wanted to leave the shirt open but I just was not confident enough. So I buttoned it up and there was just the top of the boob tube showing, I can't remember what else I wore. But I remember the great care getting ready for this party and the sort of the 'what if maybe I'll get with _____'. Because when we were kids, we'd sort of been mucking around and, you know, playing I remember playing in bed, like, you know, kid like 10 or something and playing families and that sort of stuff.

LILY 05:55

Yeah.

JENNY 05:57

______ and I were husband and wife and I think we'd sort of did some sort of kissing, but it was just, you know, just- Yeah, so this is okay, so this is taking us, even in my dream she took Adam

LILY 06:08

Interesting that your brain like remembers that. So you know, that's the person that would do that in that scenario? Because that's what's been experienced before and you remember. She now represents that. Which is why she's in the dream.

JENNY 06:23

Exactly. Yeah. And even though she knew I liked him so much she played up to him. Then we all came back to my house for drinks in the backyard. Then _____ an Adam were getting along fine. Adam was drinking a lot and said he'd only started drinking recently because remember he was a no alcohol

LILY 06:41

So things are not as they seem, you know what I mean? Everything's just not as right

JENNY 06:46

Yeah, not right. In dreamworld. Then ______ arrived and dragged Adam off somewhere. I felt helpless. And _____'s the one that we did the Waltzing Matilda with

LILY 06:56

Yes. Also an Adam fan.

JENNY 07:00

I felt helpless. And Adam didn't look at or say anything. To me.

LILY 07:06

It's, it's interesting, because you've always said that you just want to be friends with him. But this is quite a- you know, and you say 'she knew I liked him'. So you're obviously, it's like this thing where you obviously have a crush and you like him? Yeah. But you're still not like- Not allowing myself to realise? Yeah, you're saying playing that which is interesting.

JENNY 07:26

Well, I know that maybe I just thought, oh, look, it's more real, you know, in the world, in this world of what is completely unrealistic, show me it is more realistic that we could be friends and have a chat than that we could kiss. So I've kind of like, got those sort of expectations adjusted slightly,

LILY 07:49

You'll be reasonable here [laughter]

JENNY 07:50

[Laughter] I am being reasonable! I'm not asking too much! And the the thing too, about that friends, like a lot of my dreams, you know, in my 20s and teens or whatever, if it was famous people in my dreams, we *were* just friends usually sitting and chatting. So that's kind of where that plays out a bit as well. But I felt helpless. And Adam didn't look or say anything to me. God, it was *my* dream. I could have had him courting me. Mmmmm, dreams. Weird. So I'm sort of like

LILY 08:24

[Laughter] 'Dreams are weird.'

JENNY 08:26

I don't want to- I don't want to be having sex with him. I want to be courted by Adam Ant.

LILY 08:31

You want to be- you want him chasing and I kind of get that. And I think so much of like teenage girl- I do this so much as well. And have now since realised that like that is just not even like registering on guys, periphery like [inaudible] into their like brain fog. But like, I think so much of like, particularly if you're like a certain kind of teenage girl who like, feels aloof, or feels a bit like removed or a little bit detached or a little bit, whatever. You feel like you're throwing out all these very, like subtle signals of like being a little bit hard to get or whatever. And you're like: Why is no one chasing this? Like, why is no one? You know, and then you think it's because people don't like you but it's like they just genuinely don't know. Because no one's gonna like completely put themselves out there. Unless they're sure that you'll you kind of receive it well. So if you're like holding all your cards so close to your chest, no boy, particularly a teenage boy, but no man is going to like, try to kiss you or try to date you or try run after you. If you're just like, not showing that you like them? These girls that date a lot or have a lot of guys like them are the ones that show very obviously, that they like them.

JENNY 09:45

Yeah. And I never knew how to flirt. I still don't I don't think and also there's some sort of dignity like it's a dignity thing? It's like I never wanted to put myself down. So as much as guys might have been scared of being rejected and they all obviously, I mean, humans are scared of being rejected. So I didn't want to put myself out there. I didn't have the confidence to put myself out there. But also I didn't want to put myself down by doing that. Like, yeah, I don't know.

LILY 10:15

But it is interesting thing. I think. Yeah, I agree. I do think that, yeah, there's a certain kind of pride, or something that maybe comes with it all. Because it's like, and it's a security and vulnerability thing, because it's wanting someone to like you, without you having to, to give them anything.

JENNY 10:33

Really. Yeah, yeah, true. Yeah.

LILY 10:36

And like, yeah, that's definitely how I looked at it all throughout school, it's like the only the worthy will be willing to do that, to receive nothing. But then I realised and have realised from life experience that the people that are willing to do that, aren't the worthy people

JENNY 10:54

No. So who are the people willing to do that? Or they're the ones that are just sort of casting their net wide?

LILY 11:00

I don't think necessarily, but I think that say the people that are attracted to maybe that vibe and mentality, know, maybe subconsciously -- and I'm not saying this for all situations -- but I can imagine the kind of person who's like, I'm going to crack that is a certain kind of guy. And maybe with the knowledge that once you crack that underneath is is someone who's had very little experience, very little knowledge of relationships or dating, and is going to be so grateful to have been cracked, and that's when the power shifts

JENNY 11:35

they can be easily controlled.

LILY 11:36

Yeah, and I do think, and sometimes I felt that a little bit with Bjorn, there was so much pursual at the start, and so much of me: 'this this this' that when I finally, gave or like, stepped into it or started to commit, it was a huge power shift in the relationship. And it suddenly it was like, I was all in more than he was. Whereas I would say for the first like, year or so, it was all him and me not so much.

JENNY 12:00

Interesting. And you might need to explain why for the first year, that circumstance

LILY 12:05

Yeah, so we met in Porto when I was travelling, and were together four days, and it was, you know, wonderful and travelling and romantic. And we just clicked and I was like, Oh my God, who is this guy, blah, blah, blah, you know, and then he went back to Sweden. Also, just to explain, it was like I had somehow- like my 16-year-old self had conjured up this man. And he appeared, like, the joke had always been at school that I would, you know, want a tall, beautiful Swedish -- he wasn't that tall -- but like, you know, Swedish guy, like, it was so odd. And like, so much of his upbringing kind of mirrored, like one of these series of books that read when I was younger, and it was just literally, it was like, you know, if we're in a simulation, it would kind of make sense because it was like, I created this guy. So this guy Bjorn, so then I continue travelling, and we kept talking and talking and talking and Snapchatting. Snapchat was really the vehicle, if Snapchat didn't exist I don't think this relationship would have been a thing

JENNY 12:57

[Laughter] your Snapchat streak.

LILY 12:59

Yeah, it was like, hundreds, like a whole year, every single day, like we'd be Snapchatting each other. Anyway, then I got home. And then we started calling and chatting a lot, and FaceTiming. And that was all- it was just like so many conversations about stuff and this and that. But I was very like, it can't happen. We literally live in two different countries. But then I was also like, so obsessed with seeing him but so subconsciously not like even really recognising that. And then I-

JENNY 13:27

remember saying to you, I think you really like him

LILY 13:29

I'm like: No, he's just this guy I'm talking to every single day. Anyway, and then through a series of events, like we were going to go to Bali, me and Mum, were gonna go to Bali. And then stuff happened with my leave at work, which meant that I was able to like work remotely from Bali, which meant I ended up having more leave. And when it seemed like the Bali plan wouldn't go ahead, because of work stuff, that's when I was like, well, maybe I'll go to Europe. And that's when I was like, Oh. I want to see him. So I ended up, we ended up doing Bali. And then I also went to Europe. I don't know how I swung Bali, Europe and Mexico all in one year.

JENNY 14:04

No, that year was a very- well, you did very, very well

LILY 14:07

I did do very very well. And then the universe, like balanced it out with COVID. Like 'you don't get to go anywhere now'. So then I went over and I saw him. Yeah, it was interesting. Interesting. And it was funny. I went and did this beautiful Greece boat trip like have the best time of my life, on this yacht for like a week travelling the Greek islands like tanned. Whatever. At the end of it all the people I met were going to Mykonos and like the girl like I met on the boat, she was like Yeah, I know all these people we're gonna stay here. We're gonna go, this is gonna be amazing. And I almost like was like do I not? Anyway, so then I decided it was okay, I'll go and I went. Getting from like, getting from place to place in Europe is not as easy as you sometimes think it's gonna be, as an Australian like, it's so close. Like surely you can get there in like three hours. Getting from Athens to Stockholm was literally a nightmare trip. Like it was like Athens to somewhere in Albania to somewhere in Lithuania, or something like that and then to Stockholm it was like four planes and into hellish airports that look like we were still stuck in like the Cold War and didn't have any way to fill up your drink bottle anywhere to plug in your phone, which are such necessities when you're travelling for, essentially it was 12 hours. And I went straight from the club to the airport. Like I was out of it. I hadn't slept. Anyway, get to Stockholm, get on this train to go to _____ which is like the closest big town to where he lived. And then it was just- I was on this train with my backpack with all these like country Swedes heading into the middle of Sweden. It was grey. It was raining and I was like freaking out. What am I doing? I called you I called _____. Yeah, I was like spiralling.

JENNY 16:05

you were... and he wasn't at the bus station to meet you.

LILY 16:09

Well, that was the thing he said to me. Yeah. And then he wasn't gonna be there. And I was like, I've travelled so far. So that was maybe like the first clue. Maybe?

JENNY 16:18

Yeah, yep. That was- it was not good. It was not good. And I, I didn't say much to you about it

LILY 16:24

No, but I knew it was not good. Like, that's the thing.

JENNY 16:27

And you were like, should I go to Mykonos? [Laughter] Should I just turn around and go, you said that to me.

LILY 16:32

I was literally like, I'll spend a whole other day travelling back.

JENNY 16:36

Yeah, no, that was the first clue.

LILY 16:39

It was. It was very interesting. But I liked him so much.

JENNY 16:47

Yeah.

LILY 16:47

And it was so nice to see him. You know, but also still in that small amount of time that we spent together. Yeah, there were still issues like it was just problems from the start, really to be honest.

JENNY 17:00

And then he came here for what? Three months? And you lived together.

LILY 17:05

Yeah, he stayed with me. We lived together

JENNY 17:06

He came to Christmas

LILY 17:07

He came to Christmas. Met the whole family. Hung out. Then he went back at like the end of March. I was gonna go and I don't know what I was gonna do [in Sweden].

JENNY 17:17

You moved back home for a month and got stuck.

LILY 17:21

And then lockdown happened to

JENNY 17:23

seven months got stuck with me.

LILY 17:25

Yep. Not 'stuck with you.' We had a good time. But unexpectedly grounded. Yeah, in the course of those seven months did long distance and of course got to the point where I through sheer will and managed to once again and it felt like bend the universe and get an exemption when no one was getting exemptions even to go to funerals or to go home or to go anywhere. This was like the wild west, the early days of exemptions where you just had to like submit a form with all of your documents and your reason. And it just went into the ether. And you either heard or you didn't. So people were rocking up to their flights having heard nothing. And were getting approved like an hour before. Like it was insane. Or not getting approved at all. And just had to see that plane go and lose all that money. Like it wasn't- it was wild. Anyway, and so I got approved for the exemption.

JENNY 18:22

but you need to say what the reason- because the reason given was not 'there's this cute Swedish [guy]'.

LILY 18:26

No, I didn't get an exemption to Sweden, I got an exemption to go to Turkey, and then had this crazy plan to country hop from there based on certain borders. It was like it wasn't necessarily what your passport was, it was where you were coming from. So like I couldn't go from Turkey to Sweden, because Sweden was closed to Turkey. But Sweden was open to EU and England was open to Turkey. So I could go Turkey to the UK to Sweden. Of course, this was also at the time, this was like mid last year where things are changing so quickly only borders and shit was shutting in like 24 hours or even less. And so of course mum, very rightly so -- was very, very worried I get stranded in Turkey, or UK or Sweden or anywhere really.

JENNY 19:12

I'm so glad you didn't go,

LILY 19:16

I am as well. I am as well. Like as painful as the whole situation was and I wish like obviously COVID never happened. I think, look, and this is the thing I know, at the end of the day, I would have handled anything and that would have been life. Like that's just that's then what happens in your life. And I don't think anything would have been like terrible. But I think it would have been particularly scary if I was like over there still if like Delta was happening. And like with no vaccine at that point, though, saying that if I was over there, I probably would have got a vaccine quicker than being here. But yeah, anyway and then I got the exemption and found out that- and I understand, I think where he was at that time. He was not in the place too, and that's what he said he wasn't in a place to kind of receive me and do a relationship and be responsible for me being over there away from my family in a pandemic. He wasn't working. He wasn't in a good mental space. He lived in the middle of nowhere. He knew I would be bored. And even though I was willing to do all of that, just to like have closure and see him and it not end in the way it ended. Yeah, it was really hard.

JENNY 20:26

It was hard. And then then you moved out into a share house. But anyway, let's, so that was that

LILY 20:33

Yeah. It's not *my* diary. [Laughter] It's your diaries so let's get back to it!

JENNY 20:38

Okay, it's now 10:30pm at night. I'm sitting here in my bed. And I just want to say _____ was doing the barbecue in my dream. And ______ was ______'s brother. 29th of October 1981. We just watched Not the Nine O'Clock News. It was so funny. Some sketches included- so not the Nine O'Clock News was Rowan Atkinson. You know, Mr. Bean?

LILY 21:05

Yeah, yeah. Oh, Not the Nine O'Clock News

JENNY 21:08

it's called Not the Nine O'Clock News, a show, a comedy show. And it had Rowan Atkinson. It had Mel Griffin, who you probably don't know, there was another guy. There was Pamela... Billy Connolly's wife Pamela. Something. Stephenson. I'll put it in the show notes. I haven't, haven't revisited so no idea if it's to the times now. Probably not. But some sketches included Gerald the gorilla, the Satan devil worshippers, 'Fish in loaf. It's a bloody miracle!', the hard working Messiah, mod monarch, Charley King of Rock. So they obviously did a skit with Prince Charles. They made him into a mod. You know, mod fashion, '60s fashion.

LILY 21:59

Just, I feel like that kind of that generation of comedians, like Monty Python and all of those people like from like, oh I don't know was Rowan Atkinson? Well, he was kind of more what like 80s or,

JENNY 22:11

yeah, 80s. He rose in the 80s. Monty Python was around in the 70s.

LILY 22:17

Right. So maybe even the generation before that, like the post-war comedian. Like everything just became very irreverent. And people started, you know, being very satirical and stuff- of topics that pre-war had never been touched, like the royal family. Religion, you know

JENNY 22:33

Yep, and politics. Because the 80s was a big- there was so much political satire going on. 30th of October 1981. I feel obliged to write about tonight's end of school life dinner which we've just come back from. All my friends were there. On our table there was _______. Dad and Mr ______ talked about business etc. Mum and Mrs. ______ talked about nursing etc. _____ came and sat at our table, talking to mum. _____ is lovely. She and I just click. I cried tonight.

LILY 23:13

[Laughter] Sorry. Sorry, before you go on. Okay, a few things. So you guys back then you did the Mr and Mrs? Was that a thing?

JENNY 23:20

Yes. Definitely

LILY 23:20

Interesting. Secondly, it feels a bit like deja vu. Like 'we just click' like you said that about _______?

JENNY 23:30

Yeah.

LILY 23:31

And so it's interesting. Like to kind of- that, you know, you get close to someone. It's just like so much that time and particularly, like kind of female friendships. Oh, my God, like, you know,

JENNY 23:41

I know. Really, really so true. I cried tonight when we sang the school hymn realising that I'll lose contact with so many of those people I've known for six years. Some of them I never want to lose touch with ______ of course.

LILY 23:56

But you have, kind of

JENNY 23:59

I have. Yeah. And then have come in later and put in pen: ______ too. So obviously forgot ______. Especially _______ is now top of my list.

LILY 24:09

Yes.

JENNY 24:10

She one close friend I have made this year. She and I share so many jokes and secrets eg book to Adam. I was so proud of mum and dad-

LILY 24:18

Interesting. But like you and you haven't kind of kept contact with her

JENNY 24:22

No, I've kept contact with ________, just the others I've seen occasionally. ______. Hong Kong _______. We're in touch on Instagram.

LILY 24:31

Sure. Yeah. It's interesting. It's like, I think so much of it is just where it takes you. And yeah, I know. I feel like I've kept quite a lot of my school friends. But I feel like that might start to shift over the next five to 10 years.

JENNY 24:46

Yeah, but you don't see ______ for example. You don't see _____.

LILY 24:51

Oh, yeah. A lot of people.

JENNY 24:53

Yeah so it's really ______ and ______.

LILY 24:55

Yeah, so it's actually down to three. [Laughter]

JENNY 24:58

Yeah, but they're all good friends.

LILY 25:00

They are

JENNY 25:00

They're all good friends and the others. You know, you'd have a really good chat if you saw them. But you've also got new friends. Like, I think it's, you know, if people only have school friends and there's no new friends

LILY 25:14

There are some people who still just have their school group, not just friends, but like that group, at this age. And I'm just, how can you have possibly changed is, like people together and grown together without breaking out and meeting new people and making new friends and I don't know, it just bothers me.

JENNY 25:38

Yeah, I agree. But I understand how it works. Like, why you don't need to go outside the group or even if you do, you're not, on some level allowed to go outside the group. The very act of being in a group. It's like travelling with a partner. You don't make friends. Or travelling with a girlfriend. You don't make friends? As much

LILY 25:58

Yeah, I agree. I'm kind of glad that my- cause I've never been a huge group person, like I had a group at school, but that was just like a very loose wide group. I've always been a very individual friend, particularly. Yeah, friends kind of person. And it's nice to have a bit more of a group.

JENNY 26:15

You've got a group now

LILY 26:16

What's that from? 'GRRRROUP'? Was that something from

JENNY 26:19

It's my favourite murderer?

LILY 26:21

No, no. Oh, from Ozzy Man. Game of Thrones reference

JENNY 26:27

That's right. There's a new group is forming

LILY 26:34

He was talking about the group with Bran and the Scooby gang, but he called it like yeah, a new group is forming. Yeah, funny.

JENNY 26:42

We'll put that link in the show notes. Ozzy Man. He does other reviews, obviously. But we haven't watched him since Game of Thrones

LILY 26:50

No. Ah. Miss all of that. A lot ended with Game of Thrones.

JENNY 26:55

The end of an era

LILY 26:58

It was. An unsatisfactory and infuriating, and if I could throw like rotten fruit or tomatoes at anyone like you know they used to do and put people in stocks

JENNY 27:07

the two Ds

LILY 27:07

It would be those people that made that show as terrible at the end because they fucking wanted to get out of there and do Star Wars. Fucks

JENNY 27:15

I know.

LILY 27:16

I hate them. I hate them.

JENNY 27:18

And it's interesting to me that has been downgraded to throwing fruit, because I think straight after, it was not throwing fruit, it was a lot more violent than that

LILY 27:28

No I wanted to murder them. [Laughter]

JENNY 27:30

Yeah, you did. You wanted to kill them.

LILY 27:32

I wanted to. I think I wanted to kill them like I wanted to- yeah, like, I was like, if I could teleport anywhere, anywhere in the world in this moment, it would be to their houses. But I also just wanted to yell at them a lot. I just want to- I've never been the person who wants to send hate mail, or wants to let people know that I really, really hate them. I'll just like do it. Like a normal person from afar. But like, I wanted them to know how much they disappointed me. The disappointment they had brought.

JENNY 28:06

I know,

LILY 28:06

like, I can't get into I'm gonna get too riled up!

JENNY 28:09

We won't get into any too much more. But there's that game sort of like so. The Dinner Game, who would you invite to dinner like eight people that you would invite to dinner? And there's the dead guests game. And there's the live guests version? So this was your like, equivalent of?

LILY 28:27

Hated guests?

JENNY 28:28

No, no, just you would invite two guests. It would be those two guys. They both start with D and you're like, that's all I need. And then I would just shout at them

LILY 28:37

I woudl shout and throw things. Shout and throw. Like, I just it's like I don't, I'm sure they know. I'm sure. I want them to wake up every morning of their miserable life. And feel shame. I want them to have that shame scene playing in their head of like the nuns and Cersei, and that's how they feel in their life of like, shame for what you did to us. Shame.

JENNY 29:02

Yes, shame on you. Shame on you.

LILY 29:04

Shame on you! Okay, so now we have two different purposes. So you want to get this podcast famous so you can meet Adam Ant. I want to get this podcast famous so I can somehow find where they're gonna be and shout at them. At some fancy Hollywood party.

JENNY 29:22

[Laughter] We're throwing it out to the universe and now I've got- because I sometimes you know, when you're going through your photos in your phone, I see there's ones where we dressed up for one season finale and I dressed up as Cersei and I did a really good hair style.

LILY 29:40

Yeah, and the goblets you bought the wine goblets.

JENNY 29:42

Got the Cersei goblets

LILY 29:44

Like she always was drinking

JENNY 29:46

Yeah. So we'll put those in Instagram.

LILY 29:51

We dressed up quite a lot. We should have a good a good selection. Like when we were the Tour de France riders at ________'s in the bike gear?

JENNY 30:00

Oh, the bike gear.

LILY 30:01

Yeah, the MAMIL equipment.

JENNY 30:04

Yes, we did that as well

LILY 30:08

Yeah, we do have a lot of dress ups, our family likes to dress up.

JENNY 30:10

We like to dress up. We'll throw a few photos on

LILY 30:12

We have fun. But yeah, my point was, I'm, it's nice to have a bit more of a group now. Just with, you know, the house and all that kind of stuff. But I'm happy it's happened at this age where it's like, I've already got very established other friendships that help balance. Even so it can be so like, your own little world. It's hard to sometimes get perspective particularly, like when emotional stuff's going on to be like, Oh, cool. I'm not necessarily like, you know, I'm part of an ecosystem of this group but we're all not all one being that's like attached. I was so proud of mum and dad. ______ gets on well with Mum, mum loves her. Dad was cracking jokes and was relaxed. I love them both so much and I never want to lose them. When I started crying, I looked across and saw ______ crying too, she saw me and we laughed. I love her. And I want to be able to ring them up in 10 years time and still feel as comfortable with them as I do now. Tonight _____ and I've made a bargain to go to a village in the Himalayas, where the only way to get in is to climb down from the mountains. I'd love to go. I will some day. Is this a real place?

JENNY 31:28

It must be

LILY 31:30

Or just being like 'we will find a village to climb into!'

JENNY 31:33

No we must have we must have read about it. I'd love to go, I will some day. Okay, I'd better go and get some sleep night. Adam [laughter]

LILY 31:46

It's- God like this. I was just gonna say No, we still might.

JENNY 31:52

Oh true. Life isn't over yet.

LILY 31:55

It's not over. There's still time.

JENNY 31:56

We could still find the Himalayan village where you have to climb down from the mountain

LILY 32:01

They've probably got a lift now or something [laughter]

JENNY 32:04

There might be 80 of them. [Laughter]

LILY 32:06

Yeah, there's probably a whole bunch and you probably can just like, I don't know, zip line down or something. Like who knows it can be technology, an escalator.

JENNY 32:14

I'll do some research.

LILY 32:15

But I was gonna say like that end of year stuff for school is just, it's, it's yeah it's so bittersweet

JENNY 32:20

so emotional.

LILY 32:22

And it's. So I remember loving mine. It was so nice. And it is nice having everyone's parents there and everyone interacting. And there's a real sense of like camaraderie with the whole year level even like people you're not particularly friends with and I don't know, it's so sad. That's one of the things I'm like, the most saddest about say is is just like all the kids that have missed out on that with COVID because it is such a special time. And it's such a celebration of all your hard work and it's so nice to see the school and the teachers like put that on for you and like care and say goodbye like, I'm such a goodbye person. Like I hate them but I need them to feel any kind of closure. And it's like, Oh, if I've missed out on that. I'd be stewing still now [laughter]

JENNY 33:06

You would have been like with the, Game of Thrones.

LILY 33:09

Exactly. No closure. Yeah.

JENNY 33:13

Second of November 1981. Notice the date? Second of November. You'll never guess who turns sweet 27 tomorrow!

LILY 33:24

I'll guess

JENNY 33:26

You know now!

LILY 33:28

I know now. I now have the knowledge. So my answer would be: Adam Ant.

JENNY 33:34

Correct. Yes, that beautiful male who goes by the name of Adam Ant. Happy Birthday Ad! [Laughter] Tonight I did a bit of study, as well as get really excited about Thursday. I'm going to have rag curls with a bit of luck.

LILY 33:55

What's Thursday?

JENNY 33:56

This is the last day of school, I'm guessing. So, we were allowed to dress up and go to school for the last day.

LILY 34:03

Sure. Muck Up Day.

JENNY 34:05

Yep. But we didn't call it that.

LILY 34:07

Did you guys have themes? Ours is a whole week now which is like-

JENNY 34:10

Yeah ours was themed. So the theme was pyjama- come in your pyjamas- Big pyjamas big socks, gym boots. Take Teddy and ______ and I are going to rollerskate-

LILY 34:25

You're giong to take Teddy?

JENNY 34:27

Yeah, and the rag curls like you know, but with the rags still in like I didn't take the rags and we're gonna rollerskate to _____'s place for breakfast avec les Coco Pops, leaving at about 6am

LILY 34:43

How long are you skating for? Three hours? Jesus.

JENNY 34:47

Well, it's quite a distance because- and a big hill now that I'm thinking between ______'s place and ____'s place

LILY 34:56

Why are you doing this?

JENNY 34:57

Anyway, stay tuned. Fun! Apparently a group of Mt. Waverley people are planning to walk along High Street to school or _______'s place. At ______'s we're having a barbecue breakfast and we're going to walk up to school. When the gates are open, we hope to organise a gorilla telegram or singing telegram for assembly. Miss _______ -- so that was the principal -- knows about it, but she said she'd pretend not to know what was going on. Oh, good on her. What a good sport. She was very old fashioned. Very strict and scary.

LILY 35:32

Right. That's interesting- what's a gorilla, was what?

JENNY 35:35

A gorilla gram. So someone dressed in a gorilla suit and they'd come and sing. Sing like a telegram. A singing telegram. Do you know that? Have you seen those in movies?

LILY 35:45

Yes, I have. They're just bizarre to me. But yeah, interesting fun. What fun high jinks and pranks

JENNY 35:53

And Miss _______ would walk really fast through the school and she wore her black- you know the graduation gown- that

LILY 35:59

Oh god. Very Harry Potter. Every day?

JENNY 36:02

Over her twin sets. Yeah, every day and she would just like walk and it would just be flying behind her. I can just see her

LILY 36:10

I kind of froth that. That is a vibe.

JENNY 36:13

It was very cool

LILY 36:14

Oh my god. What energy? I love that. That's- all principles should do that, just be the billowing kind of Dementor people. Coming through the school.

JENNY 36:26

Flying through

LILY 36:27

Scaring Year 7s!

JENNY 36:29

Yeah, we were terrified of her. But I'm so happy to read that she was such a good sport. She was gonna pretend not to know what's going on

LILY 36:36

She took off her robe. You know what I mean? Like, she took it off. She got like-

JENNY 36:41

Put it to the side, got real, got down

LILY 36:44

With the gorilla Graham.

JENNY 36:48

I still think about ________ heaps. Ever since I wrote that first note, she seems to have changed even more. Maybe I just notice it more. She is very defensive. And she seems to purposely be nasty, loud and bitchy sometimes, as if she's trying to prove to me she will be her own person. Now I can see clearly, I can think clearly. When I haven't got _____ and ______ talking at me. I can see she's changed so much. And why should I like the new ______? If she's changed so radically, and I don't like what I see why should I go on pretending I like it. It's just that I compromised myself by telling her I do value her friendship. But I don't know. She's weird. It's as if she's sort of turned against me. I don't think she respects me now. I don't know. I'm just writing as I think. She seems serious, bitter and cold. She really seems as if she's cemented herself behind innumerable barriers. I don't want to make waves again. I got the message last time she doesn't want a big thing made of it. If she wants to talk to me, she can. But I'll stay cool, man. She just confuses me so much.

LILY 38:00

Yeah so it's a real kind of shift from what you've said. I wonder what was going on, do you know anything about what was going on with her like at home? Or like what? Home? Home life was like?

JENNY 38:13

No, no, very, very private and

LILY 38:16

I suspect not good. With all those kind of [inaudible], just obviously, she wasn't happy with whatever was happening at home. And people don't just like randomly start acting mean, if people are being mean to other people, it's because yeah, they're very unhappy in themselves usually. Does reading all this stuff. Is it surprising? Because you kind of forget and things fade

JENNY 38:38

I'm surprised reading that like I'd forgotten about that, you know, if she's someone that just has been- has felt let down repeatedly or betrayed repeatedly by friends. Then she's built her kind of thick skin. And I've always had the sense that if you crossed her, that would be it, you'd just be cut dead. There would be no conversation.

LILY 39:03

Yeah, yeah. Maybe it doesn't feel like there's a huge amount of like empathy or perspective for other people

JENNY 39:08

LILY 39:09

And what their stuff is or motivations or who they are

JENNY 39:12

No. While I'm on the write. I'll dot dot dot. No I won't. Don't be a bitch, Jennifer. So I didn't know what I was going to write there. Unfortunately, for our podcast listeners' sake

LILY 39:28

Editing does not make for good podcast material. [Laughter]

JENNY 39:31

No, it doesn't. Okay, fresh page, fresh subject. What can I talk about? Okay. Diaries, I think are extremely compromising. I mean, if anybody read this, I think I would shrivel up and blow away if they farted on me. And I've only been writing in this volume for exactly one month, only 28 days and already this lovely book is brimming with secrets. Obviously, I don't feel too threatened otherwise, I wouldn't expose myself by writing all my thoughts down. Today was my last Monday ever at school, the last time we would read alternate verses in our service book. My last double biology period. It's quite sad. Anyway, must go. [Laughter] And then 'A' and a heart. So what's that mean? Read alternate verses in our service book. Our service book was our, for our assemblies. We'd take a little service book,

LILY 40:24

Probably singing or hymns or something. Or people go up and read parts of it and alternate.

JENNY 40:31

And I'm wondering whether it's alternate versus like, one, one side of the assembly hall would read and then the other side would read.

LILY 40:38

Yeah, we used to do that, like different sections. It would be like more with the songs. Because of _______, I can't remember what his

JENNY 40:44

Head of Senior School.

LILY 40:44

Yeah, no, no, I meant I don't remember what we're calling him

JENNY 40:46

Gildaroy Lockheart . No. Hugh

LILY 40:51

Oh, yeah. Cause Hugh, who is my uncle for context and worked at the school, was, was very into the songs. And so we would then either do it by house or by year level if we were lacklustre to kind of make everyone you know, have to put a little bit more effort. It's interesting. I was talking about school songs the other day, and that's such a private school thing, I think, having multiple school songs as well. And having ike a song book and knowing them off by heart and having to sing in assembly. And that being a really big part of like the culture.

JENNY 41:28

And we now know about cults. [Laughter]

LILY 41:31

Yeah, exactly.

JENNY 41:32

And how they kind of used music and singing

LILY 41:34

Exactly. So it's a really good bonding. [Laughter]

JENNY 41:39

They call it bonding in private school.

LILY 41:41

Yeah, it's just called 'bonding'. 'Being part of the school culture.' Anyway. Yeah, we should probably finish up. Yeah, I've got to finish up. So please don't sue us. Please don't sue us

JENNY 41:52

Adam get in touch

LILY 41:53

JENNY 41:55

You know, follow us on Instagram. Review us, review us wherever,

LILY 42:01

Rate and subscribe on whatever platform you're using, whatever, you know, trash heap, you find this podcast on-

JENNY 42:09

[Laughter] Whichever minor distributor this has managed to rise-

LILY 42:15

Whatever pop-up ad you find as you're trying to download something illegally on the internet.

JENNY 42:21

[Laughter] Something else...

LILY 42:22

Find this podcast, which just piggybacks in. So subscribe so you can get every episode, you know, you'll never miss one and you'll never miss some really important stuff in the story that we might be-

JENNY 42:36

about Adam.

LILY 42:37

About. Yeah, yep. For your Adam updates and your thrush-dates.

JENNY 42:40

Oh, yeah, we didn't do a thrush-date.

LILY 42:42

Oh, well,

JENNY 42:44

One minute!

LILY 42:44

Quick thrush update, thrush-date, if you will. I am now on the suppression medicine that I have to take every day for two weeks. And then once a week, three tablets for about six to 12 months. Also interesting to learn that as you get more thrush episodes, it gets worse and worse. Makes sense: quicker and quicker. So if you are getting recurrent thrush, if you have more than thrush twice in a month, please go see your doctor, my friends. And don't let it drag on for six months like I did. Also certain symptoms like pain and such with thrush on penetration, your nervous system learns. So even after the thrush has been cleared, sometimes you will still have that. That is just your body, learning to try and protect you. It's fine. Again, go see your doctor and it's okay. It's not necessarily a mental complex, which I think we often present that kind of stuff as it can become that. But it's also just your literal- your nerves, learning and you can use stuff to make them unlearn. Yeah.

JENNY 43:46

Thank you. I've got to go.

LILY 43:47

Be healthy. Be safe.

JENNY 43:49

OK love you

LILY 43:52

Love you.

JENNY 43:52

Bye. Good to chat.

LILY 43:54

Bye. Please hit the subscribe button so you won't miss out on any of our bad content. Don't forget to rate us at least one star and leave your scathing reviews wherever you find your podcast. That way we can bring our bad content to the rest of the world. Thanks for listening. And please don't sue us.

JENNY 44:20

Thanks for listening. And please don't sue us.

LILY 44:23

Yeah, don't sue us, please. It's rude.