#101 The Answer Is?

We are searching for the answer. To happiness, purpose , direction, success , joy! But everywhere we have looked has yielded nothing in the large scale of things. Nothing lasting or substantial. Perhaps I /We have been looking in the wrong places. As with anything that's lost , you find it in the last place you look. So it is with this, the answer is on the inside! 

Chapters

• 0:03 Welcome And Community Support;
• 1:11 The Sufi Key Parable And Its Lesson;
• 2:02 Defining Happiness As Divine Intimacy;
• 4:22 Looking Outside For What Was Lost Inside;
• 6:41 The Culture Of More And The Hunger It Creates;
• 9:18 Steps Turn Us Inward;
• 10:58 External Referral And The Empty Promise Of Goals;
• 13:21 Prayer, Meditation, And Honest Inventory;
• 15:15 Glimpses Of Peace In A Noisy World;
• 18:40 Acceptance, Suffering, And Who We Become;
• 21:06 Step One: The Failure Of Self-Reliance;
• 23:02 Reframing A Higher Power;
• 26:20 Powerlessness, Presence, And Connection;
• 29:42 Practicing Toward Peace And Love;
• 31:00 Resentment, Healing, And Service;
• 34:09 Newcomer Faith And Spiritual Highs;
• 38:44 Tuning Out Noise To Hear God;
• 42:40 Willingness And Receptivity;
• 45:14 Everyday Cues, Attention, And Gratitude;
• 49:10 Serenity Prayer As Complete Practice;
• 52:17 Acting As If And Letting Go;
• 56:03 Tortoise Mindset And Steady Growth;

Transcript

SPEAKER_10: 0:02

Roger, alcoholic, October 11, 1978. It's when I started the trek, and uh it's going pretty well. For those of you listening online, um if you'd like to be a supporter of this effort, there's a link at the bottom of the description of the talks for support, and you can start at as little as$3 a month, which is a cup of coffee or a half a cup, depending on where you go. And uh this thing started a few years ago, where in 56 countries and territories, over 750 cities, and just top 9,600 downloads. So that's what you're a part of. If you want to support it, help us keep this thing flowing. Uh, feel free to, it's helpful. So, aside from that, now oftentimes we'll do a reading or take a look at something from another source other than a 12-step recovery source and draw the parallels. And tonight I'm going to do that to you. This is uh out of a little Thomas Keating reading, but it's about our search, right? So here's a story. A Sufi master had lost the key to his house, was looking for it in the grass outside. He got down on his hands and knees and started running his fingers through every blade of grass. Along came eight or ten of his disciples. They said, Master, what's wrong? He said, I've lost the key to my house. They said, Can we help you find it? He said, I'd be delighted. So they all got down on their hands and knees and started running their fingers through the grass. As the sun grew hotter, one of the more intelligent disciples said, Master, have you any idea where you might have lost the key? The master replied, Of course, I lost it in the house. To which they all exclaimed, Then why are we looking for it out here? And he replied, Isn't it obvious? There's more light here. So the house is a parable that represents happiness, and happiness is intimacy with God. This is a this is one of the things that happens to us. To use the the uh metaphor of the house being your divine connection, like when you're born, the babies were born and it's beautiful, and then that connection gets broken by worldliness, right? And we get disconnected. So the house represents that connection with God, the experience of God's loving presence. Without that experience, nothing else quite works with it. Almost anything works. So this is the common uh when I do retreats, I fill out uh, I have them do an icebreaker on Friday and ask them if they could take one thing away from the weekend, what it would be. And almost everyone at some point says, Well, I'd like to, I'd like to figure out where the happiness is, where the contentment is, where God is, right? And they're looking for a formula, it doesn't exist, right? So this is the human condition to be without the true source of happiness, our connection, which is the experience of the presence of God, to have lost the key to happiness, the connection, which is the contemplative dimension of life, contemplation being prolonged thought on a subject, for instance. Um, the path to the increasing assimilation and enjoyment of God's presence. What we experience in our desperate search for happiness, where it cannot possibly be found. We're out looking in the grass for the key of the house, what I lost in the house. The key is not in the grass. It was not lost outside ourselves, it was lost inside ourselves. That's where we need to look. And you know this from your recovery experience. Where you connect is in your heart. You connect with prayer, meditation, contemplation, and an idea of your source, your source power, your higher power. So we're looking in the wrong places. There used to be a country song looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for happiness in all the wrong places. Where do we look? We look outside ourselves. What does the culture say? What does the programming say? What did your family say? What did your your group say? It said, uh, your happiness is out here. You got to make it more money. You had a lot of money. Um could be fame, could be acclaim, could be education. We're really big on education here, and you need to get an advanced degree. A master's is nothing in this family. We need PhDs here, right? For instance, your career. The necessity of constant improvement, that drive is there because the things we're using to generate the happiness we say we want doesn't produce happiness. It produces more desire, it produces more appetite, right? So this I gotta do 10% better than last year, I gotta be number one. Your relationships, people, money, institutions, your relationship to fear and resentment, past and future, principles, laws. That's what we're talking about. And that's where I've been looking. And you always find what you're looking for the last place you look, right? Whether it's your car keys, your phone, or whatever it is, and the last place we look for God is in here. Because this this quality of the step work is introspective. It asks us to look within all the time. All the steps are turning us inward. So let's see if I want to do any more of this. Full self-reflective consciousness begins around the ages of 12 to 14. Prior to that time, we have an innate thirst for happiness, but no practical experience of the presence of the divine with us. So look, we look for happiness elsewhere. That's the whole premise of external referral. It's out there, it's over the next hill, it's over the next goal. Get some goals. You gotta have some goals. Work towards that goals. And the promise of the goal is when I get there, what happens? I will have achieved it and I won't feel this way. What way? Well, it's different for everybody, but it's a disconnection. It's lonely, it's unfulfilled, it's frustrated, it's confused because I'm doing everything right. I'm doing everything they told me. I went to school, I went to college, I got my degree, I got my job, and this isn't making me happy. I must need another job, I must need another relationship, I must must need another woman, man, dog, motorcycle, ski do, whatever it is. I must need something else. Because the answer, the proof of the failure is right in front of us, but we can't see it because we bought the idea tribally, culturally, that the answer is out outside of us. And so, what are we doing for techniques? What's our search? Prayer, meditation, and inventory, self-examination. And if I can't do it honestly, it's gonna take a long time to establish a connection with the mystery, right? So it's what I what I wanted to talk about was just this. I got lost looking for the answer. What I what did I find? When I found the answer, what did I find? They talk about patience and peace, and I think all of us had have have had glimpses of that at times. Perfect, peace, ease, comfort. Just completely unfettered, right? But it can't live there because we get sucked back into the world. It's a very noisy world, isn't it? Very noisy and very full, it's designed for distraction. Look over here, look over there. Don't you need this? What about this toothpaste? What about these jeans? What about that car? What about this amount of money? What about that 401k? You know, the problem is you're just not appreciated enough. That's the problem. Lack of appreciation. And so these things all drive us. The social and security instincts are the big drivers. My need for connection, my need for security. But when I place it in things that are finite and flawed and have a shelf life, I'm always having to replace everything. And I never notice I'm not getting anywhere. Or I might have made some progress and said, there, I thought that would be the deal. And uh now that I've arrived, Bill Wilson's thing, I have arrived, I proved to the world I was someone, I should be satisfied, but I'm not. Because we we talked about this uh last last year, the acceptance and suffering thing. It's I need to be focused on who I want to be, not what I want to do. So that's why it feels so tedious and hard to recover. And the beast, the the problem, the problem thinking is always telling me, you're not gonna make this, you can't do this. This isn't gonna work. Because it wants to get me off the beam. That's why we have communities like this. That's why we have our meetings, that's why we go to retreats, we go into communities where it's safe to explore the ideas, and the answer is in here. But if I can't ever go in here and ask myself, what is the truth? You see the truth when you do a four step. The way I look at the world, the way I interact with the world, does not produce any joy, it produces suffering, it produces starting overs, a lot of starting overs and a lot of failures, no satisfaction, no satisfaction. So those steps all ask us to look inside. The first one is the one. Can you admit? Can you look inside and admit to yourself that self is not fixing the problem? Step one isn't just about powerlessness over the substance, it's about the failure of self-reliance. Because we're not raised in a culture that teaches us to be God reliant, we're raised in a culture that teaches us to be self-reliant and relying on mere material things and other people that are also trying to do the same thing. And everyone's like a bunch of ants trying to scramble up the hill and climbing all over each other. So it's a second step again. I had I've talked to you about this before, but when I arrived here, I had I had vetoed the God idea when I was about eight years old. So I did have a concept of God. But when they asked me, I'm 30 and I'm getting sober and I'm looking at those steps, I'm going, I can't do that. I don't believe in God. But the problem was, the problem was I was believing from an eight-year-old's perspective and concept. Right? We are created by the image we carry of God. Think about that. I'm created by the image I carry about God. So I saw God as competitive, I saw God as vengeful, I saw God as vindictive, punishing, I saw God as not representing any safety, and that's what I projected onto the world. And it created the image of me. I'm a survivor, I'm a tough guy, I'm getting through the world with with bloody knuckles, but I'm getting through it, right? So the first real honest look on a deeper level is four and five. And six and seven, can I allow in the truth? Can I allow in the truth? What is the truth? I don't even know the truth. I'm looking for the truth. You say the truth is going to make me free, but I don't know what the truth is. And when I discover it, I don't want to tell anyone about it. And I certainly don't want to write it down. So that's that clause in six and seven. Is there something you still cling to? And as long as I'm clinging to those things, I can't make substantial progress. I can make progress, but it's always circular. And I keep coming back to the same things that sabotage me over and over. Money, relationships. Yeah. And so the things that we resist letting go of are the very things that produce our suffering. So that's the question. What's the answer? Where did you find the answer? How did you find the answer? That's what we're talking about tonight. So floor's open. Help yourself.

SPEAKER_02: 13:17

I'm curious.

SPEAKER_10: 13:19

I'm curious.

SPEAKER_01: 13:21

Um where did I find it? Um on the wall behind you, peace. I found it. It's running above the window. I found it in a thrift shop in Chicago. Um, no, I found it. I found that I was missing the spiritual component of the program. And, you know, I could carry the God idea and that there was a God that was powerful. But like Roger, I thought it was a punishing God that, you know, unbaptized babies were sent to some black hole called limbo and all the stuff that I learned at church when I was young. So it was hard for me to build a relationship with the power or with who I call creator God, um, until I started practicing. I mean, it's like everything else is in this program. I had to start practicing, and it felt so uncomfortable to attribute the good things and the bad things in my life to God. And the example I always go to is, you know, I'm I miss a deer on the highway. And I go, thank you, dude. And I slap the tar the top of my car. And I just attribute near misses or good fortune to God, but also the bad things because I've learned that those are my lessons. You know, when I say bad things, they're not really bad, they're just lessons, hardship, that sort of thing. I mean, I wouldn't be able to tolerate this world if I didn't accept things as they are and know that it's up to me to see it differently and not see it as all bad, all bad, all bad, and to trust God. But the the key for me was at some point I realized I needed to build a relationship, seek a relationship with God, which in the beginning I didn't think I deserved, and I didn't really believe that that um it was available to me. I didn't think forgiveness was available to me, but I um learned through sitting in the rooms and through listening to people like Roger that yes, indeed it is available to me, and I can have whatever relationship I want. And so for me, when I need God, God is always there. And it's how I build faith that, for instance, when something is incomprehensible to me and I'm in judgment about it, like turning on the news, um, I gotta just sit back and go, this isn't this isn't about me. It's about something bigger, it's about humankind, it's about something else. And what I'm supposed to be doing is finding my higher self and thinking about compassion and action if I can, take some kind of action, not to solve it, but just to deal with it. So my answer is this relationship building was key to me. Otherwise, I was just being like a news reporter talking about God, something outside, like that thing. But actually, God for me is this relationship with some heart and in my soul that helps me to comprehend the world differently, see the world differently. And um, so there is no punishing God, there is no God that doesn't want for me my highest good. And that has made all the difference for me. And I'll pass.

SPEAKER_10: 16:48

That's a good one. Thank you. The uh, you know, a lot of times when I'm working with groups and stuff, this is a big problem for people, this concept of God. Not because it the thing that's a problem is they're clinging to their old one that didn't work. So we go through an exercise that says, so let's just think about this in terms of what would you give yourself to? What would you not give yourself to? Someone or something who is what vindictive, punishing, you know, wrathful, all that stuff that needs to be worship, whatever it is, right? And then when we exhaust that, and everyone knows what they wouldn't give themselves to, then we say, well, what would you give you? What would you give yourself to? And then we start talking about those higher principles: compassion, love, unconditional love, hope, comfort, peace. Yeah. And um, so now we we form a concept. That's all we gotta do is get an idea. A lot of times I just use a principle. Get a principle that you're willing to grow towards, a higher principle. Peace is a common one, and love is another one. Then your running inventory is just, is what I'm thinking about to say or do promote peace or not? If it doesn't, probably not a good idea to do it. You have to start where you are, it has to be an authentic starting place. It has to make sense to me. I can't just go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I believe there's something. Because I am now going to hook myself, my growth, my being, my future to this concept. So it can't be done casually, and it has to have some substance to it that makes sense to me so I can do it authentically. Thank you. Who else?

SPEAKER_08: 18:34

Hi, I'm up Tom, um, alcoholic. Tom, hey, uh where where I found this really was uh really in step number in step number one, that's uh giving it up to the I'm powerless and giving powerless over alcohol, giving it up to God. Kind of a funny story. My nephew was uh in recovery, he's my he's my god child. We'd set up a time to talk that I was going to give him spiritual guidance. I'm practicing Catholic my entire life, but to get ready before I was gonna talk to him, I'd get wine aerated and I'd be drinking wine. And all of a sudden I'd be like, what's wrong with this? And my entire life I drank, and I drank a lot, but I always was on that slippery slope. I knew that I would drink enough just to the point where I wouldn't get totally out of control unless I was home, and I'd jump into bed and crash and then go do it again. But it just hit me when I'm doing this with him, like, what am I talking about? And for my whole life, I was just I was a big drinker, I was a heavy drinker, but I wasn't an alcoholic. When I could finally say I'm powerless over alcohol, I can say I'm an alcoholic. And I'm not ashamed of it. Now it's given me a great gift. So, but really, and I've been through through the holidays really looking at this whole question of powerlessness. And while I'm powerless over alcohol, I'm powerless over everything. Everything in my life. But when I give that that power to God, I become all powerful. And I'm not alone. And the gift of sobriety has been presence. I can be with people. And then there's also the selfish part. I don't wake up with uh guilt or shame and spend all day thinking about what I'm going to do again. But really, where I found it was one in my in my nephew really showing me the way. I was trying to show he showed me the way to sobriety. But really, just it's I'm I'm powerless over alcohol, I'm powerless over anything in my life. But when I say with God, all is power, all is possible. And I'm not alone. And I feel very much connected with all with all of you. So I'll pass.

SPEAKER_10: 20:56

There's a really important piece in that you said it, Tom. And it's I'll just paraphrase it. What I give myself to, I become. If I give myself to God, I become godly. If I give myself to fear, I become fearful. And we're giving ourselves this thing about worship. We're worshiping something all the time. We're just not doing it consciously. And also to your point, Tom, lifelong Catholic, it has done nothing but enhance your religious practice. Yes. Yeah. So it's not, it's not either or, it's and. And it's a beautiful piece. If you have a religious base, it will the term is called illuminate. It will light it up.

SPEAKER_08: 21:38

Yep, absolutely. My my spirituality, my growth, and that I really thought it was a program to a 12-step. I I wasn't going to do it because I don't do those things. It's a gift. And it and it's it's helped me. It's it my spirituality has just really grown to a whole different level. And that once you get to that level, it just keeps opening and opening and opening. So yeah, I'm I'll pass.

SPEAKER_10: 22:05

Yeah. So you just drink a little spirits to get inspired to uh work with your nephew. Yeah, that was a true story. I know. Well, it is it was inspired inspiring, wasn't it? It just you couldn't maintain it. Who else?

SPEAKER_06: 22:23

Don alcoholic. Hey Don. I met Roger a month ago at a Jesuit retreat. And when I entered a premise, I didn't have any resentments. So I thought, and the more that Roger presented the program, the resentment that I was carrying around for so long was just eating away at me. And when I had the chance to sit down with Roger and have a one-on-one conversation, he brought up some realistic life stories that I never even thought of that wasn't my fault, and how the resentment I had, this man was living a double life. And once Roger brought that to my attention, my whole program has changed. And I actually, when I left that day, Sunday, I had such a spiritual high that I haven't felt in such a long time, and I connected more with the program. And when I got back with the the old timers, um they're talking about residential homes, retirement homes, memory loss centers, and I volunteered with these guys, so I started recognizing guys from the past that I haven't seen. And after you've been on the program for long, you see so many people, you just kind of lose lose thought of them. But now I've been going to homes, sitting with the old timers, remembering them from many years ago and what they had to say. They're present, but I don't know if they really know what's going on. But that's okay. I'm there for them. I'm there with a group that uh shares the spirituality of this program. And then just you know, one more thing. That song, that movie, that movie, Song Sung Blue, that uh Neil Diamond Tribute, his name is Mike. I used to go to meetings with him 30 years ago when we went to the um El Cahton, bunch of us guys were talking, and I still wasn't sure, so I went home and watched the documentary from 2008, and I recognized Mike. Wow. Thirty years ago I used to sit with that guy in the room. What what a pleasure, what a pleasure being with that man, and the life ups and downs that he had, his wife getting hit by a car, just flowering a garden, losing her leg, going into a black hole, and then coming out of it and then singing again. And then Mike having a heart attack and passing away. But he had quite a few years of sobriety. It's great to remember people on the program and how much they meant to you. And that I passed. Thank you. Thanks, Don.

SPEAKER_10: 25:50

Good to hear from you. I'm glad that stayed with you. That was a powerful conversation we had.

SPEAKER_06: 25:57

Absolutely, it was.

SPEAKER_10: 26:00

Hi, Gwen. We're talking about the process of finding the answer to our separation, find and establishing a relationship with a God of our understanding. Who else wants to share?

SPEAKER_03: 26:17

I'm Sarah Ruth. I'm an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_10: 26:19

Hi, Sarah Ruth.

SPEAKER_03: 26:21

Hi. Um I um I'm new, I'm brand new sober. Um, but before I um went into treatment, I had an undeniable spiritual experience um where the spirit really showed itself to me. I mean, undeniably. And after that had happened, I couldn't not see it in my life. Um and I don't know if it's because I was close to death or something horrible happening that it just it I um it made itself clear to me. Um, but it it it that happened. And I was talking to my sponsor about it. And she um, you know, I always, whenever I tell people about what had happened, I'm always like, you know, I know it sounds crazy, maybe it was alcohol-induced psychosis, you know. And she was like, why do you feel like you need to defend it? Like that happened. And and it did happen. Um, and it is a spiritual high. Once that connection was clear to me, I saw it every day and I saw it move through my life. Um, for the past 43 days, I see it all the time. Um, and it's it is it's something that now I'm seeking because um I see that it is the answer and that it's real and it's there. And I didn't grow up in a religious, any religious tradition. Um, and then I so I really didn't have a concept of God at all of what that could look like. Um, and I don't know how that's affected my journey now. But um so I find it in step three um for me daily is I know it's there. I know this exists, and I know that um as long as I am doing my part, um that's all I can do and then I will be done. And please help me know the difference. Please help me numb um what I can do. Um, so and it in my daily readings, it's shown itself to me too. Um, yesterday, one of my readings um had a quote that says, I'll shall be well, and I'll shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well. Um, and it went on to say, I will know peace today because I will trust my higher power's guidance in the situations I face and will be well if I do my part. Um and so, and you know, as I've gotten out of treatment, I'm 43 days sober today. So I've I gotten out of treatment like um a week and a half ago. Um, and so many things have happened in my life that arguably are kind of like non um fun to deal with, but they have ended up being helpful to my recovery um and directing me kind of on my next steps. And I know that's my higher power. Um, and my sponsor also told me, is it good news or bad news? Who's to say? Because, you know, it's what I needed. And it it's I believe that there's a a design, a greater design and plan for me. And that's a relief. That's a gift to get to um seek every day. So obviously not every day is easy. And I have it's it is like a all my character defects are still there in my brain. Um and I need to be aware of them actively every day, all day. Um, but that's you know, that's how I've found it. And I'm grateful, um, eternally grateful that, you know, the spirit made itself clear to me and that um it has that part has come easily in my recovery. So with that I pass.

SPEAKER_10: 29:51

Thanks. Good stuff, Sarah Ruth. Um, the you know, God comes to everyone differently. Um, but God comes to everyone who asks God in. And that's what we're in the business of is creating the pipeline, the conduit for that power to flow into us. Often it we we describe it around when we hit a bottom, but it it it doesn't look like God in those struggles you were talking about. You know, I got all this stuff now that appears to me bad stuff or hard stuff. Those are all the spiritual exercises that are going to grow me. There's no growth in having everything be fine. The growth comes in working through the stuff that I haven't wanted to look at for years, right? The truth, the truth. Go ahead, Gwen.

SPEAKER_00: 30:47

Hey, thanks. I'm just really happy to be here, and what an awesome gift to be talking about this. Um, because I've found I've broken through all of the noise and the daily clamors that Bill Wilson talked about. And I found God's signal, but I had to clear away all of that other noise. And I spent probably, I don't know. I just said, I'm gonna listen to everything that's positive, everything that helps my recovery, everything that's spiritual, not religious. I put that aside. I said, this is a spiritual, not religious program. I'm gonna speed it treat it just as a spiritual program. Put the other stuff aside. And I've been digging to find spiritual um rivers, valleys, creeks, streams. And it's been just an awesome adventure. It's kind of been like a scavenger hunt. And once I stopped hearing all that background noise, like the last the last script that was telling me, that was telling me I'm no good, and you're not doing this right, and what makes you think you can do it? I've been hearing that since the day I was born. This is who I'm supposed to be. This is who our girl's supposed to be. This is what you, this is your path. You can't stray from it. Well, that just tramples all over my free will. So I managed to clear away enough of that worldly glamour so that I could get the signal from God coming to me where I actually have connected with God. I'm on a first name basis with him. And you don't have to believe that. But it's been amazing, and I've lost all fear. My house could do burned down around me, and I wouldn't fucking care. I wouldn't care because I know I know the God is in control of everything. So, and when Bill Wilson had this, he had depression that kept dogging him for like his whole life. I think the reason he had it was he was never able to pass it on to someone else who entirely got it like he did. You can't really pass on an experience. What he could pass on was, well, maybe I did this and maybe I did that. He didn't write down everything he tried along the way to get there. So he had a bunch of people trying to help him. Well, did you do this? Did you do that? And he's like, I don't know what I did. This is what I tried. So, yeah, like you said, Roger, everybody's path is going to be different because we all come from different experiences, different backgrounds, different uh different scripts that tell us who we have to be. The script that I would look for if I were anybody would be what does God say I am? Who does God say I am? Because once you know what God says about you, you've uncovered a huge piece of truth, and God's truth is going to trump every other truth that you can find. So that's my two cents. Thanks.

SPEAKER_10: 34:21

Thanks, Gwen.

SPEAKER_00: 34:22

You bet, you bet.

SPEAKER_10: 34:24

Chuck Jaron, to your point, Chuck Chamberlain used to say it like this God don't make junk. You know, it's a it's a it reminds me when I came in, they would always say we're humans having a spiritual experience. But I don't think it's true. I think we're spiritual beings. We come in as spiritual beings, and we're having a human experience, and it's very confusing, and the noise is very seductive, and we get lost. It's not our failure, it's just our human nature, and this is finding our way back. Who else?

SPEAKER_09: 35:07

Hey everybody, follow up forward. I'm grateful to be here tonight, and thanks everybody for showing up. Um a lot of a lot of thoughts, and the the shares are all are really good and and um I love the I mean it's a huge statement that you made in regards to the idea that you know we we manifest or we reflect what our image of our internal image of God is, you know, at any given point in time. For me, you know that that point that Katie talked about from 12, you know, 12 on. You know I again looking in all the wrong page of looking in the looking in the house or or looking in excuse me, looking in the grass. Um not screwing up the metaphor, but um uh I was looking in in all the wrong places and and really what it amounted to was leading a life of of quiet and sometimes not for quiet desperation for a lot of years. And I think what what I've been what's been hitting me this week is the idea of you know, yes, it's it's outside, it's inside out in terms of the work, but yet we have to be receptive to the new ideas when we come in and as we move forward. So that you know, the idea that first of all, you know, we've been external, I've been externally referred my whole life, and and really I don't have a concept of God or a higher power that works, right? Um that's a big chunk of truth that um you know sometimes it's easy to forget. And but as I've gone on, the idea that you know that being receptive of hearing the message or hearing truth from really many different places and from many different people, this this group obviously and it becomes something to build on. So it's you know, putting myself in a state of willingness and then being receptive allows me to you know to build on these ideas. And that you know, that idea of being receptive just kind of hit a couple different places this week. And I'm just gonna read a snippet of a reading that I I had today that was uh you know pretty on point with uh what we're talking about tonight. Um this is from just a a paragraph from Richard Moore where he says, I think this is why reproductive the reproductive process is given to us in this unique and special way, precisely so that we can experience reciprocal, the reciprocal character of love. God is creating an object of love to which God can only give God's self so that eventually we will be capable of freely loving God back in the same way. Human beings are like two-way mirrors, both receiving and reflecting. Humans are like trees that pick up a tone and hand it on as residents, and uh like that kind of encapsulates a lot of the a lot of the topic for tonight.

SPEAKER_02: 38:51

Well hi, I'm Allie.

SPEAKER_04: 39:00

I'm an alcoholic. Um great to be here tonight. Um I am in one of those minutes where like every song or I mean um every sort of phrase comes up with like a song lyric, um, like still haven't found what I'm looking for by you two, and just all these, you know. Um uh but um when I think of um what um helps me connect with my higher power, um my source of strength, I've literally written all over my um condo and like my books. I like positivity and momentum, patience, kindness, tolerance, just these words that I use to tap into um what my higher power represents for me in terms of giving me the strength to just let's you know, hey, what would happen if we just looked at you know, took a positive spin here, or how I can. view the world in a different um a different a different light, you know, and it's not, it's still acceptance, but it's like, okay, how can I walk through this if I am focusing more on, you know, the positive or like, hey, let's just get through this instead of my usual default, it, which is how can I get out of, how can I get out of this? I mean, I have an exit strategy for everything. Because it's sort of uh and you know so much of any of that and it all comes back to obviously fear of you know how to be in the world sober. And um again when um I remember to be you know again I literally have to see it because I forget um every yeah um menopause brain I forget everything but it's amazing how much it sort of cues me back into that connection with God and of course it wavers but just um again the sort of you know living in faith what does that mean um and again sort of you know acting in gratitude it's a verb it's not as much of a noun and just these basics that I literally have to um continuously remind myself because it's so easy to get trapped into um you know a negativity or a different view of the world to me it's kind of like having a faulty wire and it's like you push it a little too far I default to that sort of fear and anxiety. And um so that's um you know uh I do try to do my prayer and meditation and just get quiet and listen but I've really learned from this program it's like uh please direct me because again my brilliant ideas um you know aren't always so brilliant and I'm honestly in some ways afraid of getting what I think I want. So um and the last thing um there's a book out by Chris Hayes and it's all about attention. It's called Sirens and it really um I haven't finished it but it's all about the power of attention sort of that I'm sure there are lots of phrases of like you know what you give attention to is really um you know where the power is and just about am I paying attention to connecting my higher power am I paying attention to these values that I say that I have and how valuable that is because checklist of like oh I've said my prayers I've said done my meditation etc that's a nice checklist but it's not getting that actual connection so um I'll I'm forever grateful for the tools of the program to remind me that you know there is a source I can tap into um and you know I get stubborn and choose not to because sometimes I'm just happy um miserable in my resentment and um again it's it's all about positivity for me even in without being Pollyanna-ish about it but it's it's really an attitude adjustment um because the strength comes from my higher power. So thank you for letting me share.

SPEAKER_10: 43:13

Thanks Ellie you know Sarah Ruth and you mentioned some other people mentioned this the things that we think are the bad things that's the false self code this is a good thing this is a bad thing that's called dualism um they're really pointers back to God. Because as I struggle I have to access power I have to access truth which is the exercise what Thomas talked about the serenity prayer the surprenity prayer is the whole damn thing. Except what I can't change. That's everything. The only thing I can change is me, my mind, my attitude and then the wisdom to know the difference that's discernment those are skills that take practice they take practice and so as we practice we progress. So there's no good thing or bad thing there's just things and what we tell ourselves about is what makes it so I tell myself this is a bad thing and I'm down that rabbit hole I tell myself this is a good thing and I'm elated you know it's just a thing and that's another way the world just drags me around with fear and stimulation. Just relax. Uh wear it like a loose coat just take it easy no big deals right you know that the 11th step is the other one if you could if you could live the serenity prayer in the 11th step seek that's an action prayer meditation that's the vehicle to improve my conscious contact with God that's the goal praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out.

SPEAKER_07: 45:02

One prayer covers the whole thing who would you have me be God just show me and now I gotta conform to that direction or I don't have to conform I have free will and I can suffer but I won't like it who else thank you for that alcoholic who's that Pete Pete you were bringing up uh then my internet must be bad so I'll pass well go give it a shot okay now there's a praise in the big book about being rocketed into the fourth dimension well I took a slow boat to dimension 3.1 3.2 3.3 I didn't jump into the program I drew you know I dragged my feet what worked for me is you know two things specific and this is a high level summary but fired the God of my childhood first and not worry about the definition of a God but just accept there is a God. And then because of the fear motivation I had to act as if I believed and it was all based on the third step prayer. And it took me quite a while saying that every day acting as if I believed there was a higher power that worked for me. But it was you know like they say in Alan I had figural marks over everything that I let go of and that was my you know my my fear of of jumping into this program. So I had to you know practice via the third step prayer acting as if I I bought into it and eventually I did. But left left to my own devices uh I wouldn't have I would have held on to my old you know because of the fear of losing my identity I'd I would have hold held on to my you know original thinking so yeah that's how I approached it and um yeah it took diligence and it took work but to let go. And letting go is it's easy to mouth it but boys it it's hard let to let go of the uh of the fear of losing yourself um what you're gonna be what's gonna be asked of you um you know those are all impediments of of letting go and it it didn't come easy for me but it came and I'll pass.

SPEAKER_10: 47:47

Thanks Pete my rocket ride was a hot air balloon going up and down and drifting around but we all get there right depending on the vehicle who else that's good thanks Pete good to see you.

SPEAKER_00: 48:03

You know if I could compare my ride to what you're talking about it's kind of like the tortoise and the hare game who are you gonna be are you going to be the tortoise in the in in the in the game to get to the goal are you going to be are you going to be the hare who's like gonna stop at the first one and go up I found it I got it I'm done I've been the tortoise just keep plotting along and don't look around just keep going towards the goal not even knowing what the goal looks like and with no expectations just keep going and just know that whenever God decides you'll get there. Yeah so that's that's it thanks I thought I'd share that thanks thanks Gwen who else David here I'm an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_05: 48:56

Hey David Roger I really liked what you said about um we're spiritual beings having having a human experience and um the whole notion of coming here on on earth as a spiritual being and being a human when I look back on it now I I always really valued um being supremely independent I thought I had to do everything figure out everything you know but when I look back on it now I mean what a what a confusing thing it was for me I I would look around and see people just doing things naturally and I would like how how are they doing that I saw I was working on a project one time it was pretty high stakes it was and a woman made a mistake and when she made the mistake she just started laughing like oh how crazy but she started laughing and if that would have been me I would have beaten myself up you know and really take taking it very very seriously so when I think now about my my uh spiritual path I work really hard now to have a spiritual connection with my higher power my I call God because I know that I'm not alone where before I felt like I was alone I was drinking I was always alone always alone I'd wake up alone you know even if I was in a relationship I'd be four feet away from somebody that would feel like I was alone but um so I work on my spiritual connection now knowing that I um am always accompanied by the spiritual power that I that I believe in and I no longer feel like I'm alone so that really motivates me now and I do it now I'm retired so on a daily basis I meditate and I really strive to uh enhance that connection and uh I just don't feel so that's all I got thanks Aaron you know there's this is one of those sweeping generalizations but I think there's two disciplinarians here one is love and one is pain and pain is not a punishment pain is an indicator that I'm going the wrong direction it's a pointer it's saying this doesn't work it's a different kind of pain like if I slam my hand in the the car door I don't have to think about pulling it out I remove it immediately from the source of the pain but when it's mental when it's attitude when it's bias and prejudice and all this programming we're talking about for decades that's a different deal that's a really different deal and it takes some time to unpack this stuff because while we're unpacking it we're also rewiring our brain we're creating new neural pathways because you can't do anything about the old idea what you do with the old idea is you identify it and then you ignore it.

SPEAKER_10: 52:08

You ignore it and you're ignoring it starves it. That's why that'll happen and you'll go ah that's an old habit it's not there anymore because I've been practicing this other habit. You know I've been practicing praying and doing readings in the morning instead of getting up and bitching about another lousy day to go through I wonder if there's any connection right and we just and based on our history the things that have hurt us and traumatized us and our conditioning our programming takes time takes time to unpack this so far it's taken my whole adult life and I'm still unpacking because there's no there there. There's no this isn't about a goal this is about an ongoing process or if you like that idea better an adventure I'm just exploring my interior with these ideas and they're yielding relative to my receptivity right not very receptive when I got here more so today. Who else to see some new faces I see some old faces coming back too are we done? Do you not want to do anymore? Has everyone said what they have to say is anyone sitting on something they need to say and fear stops them from saying it you won't be judged you won't be shamed you won't be slammed.

SPEAKER_00: 54:07

Yeah I I got something I want to share that I just put it in the chat I've been working on these scripts that we get you know when we're born and we're we're handed these scripts for our entire life we don't even know that this is what we've been given but from the day we are from before we're even born we are assigned our roles in life you're a girl you're going that way you're a boy you're going that way and we hear our own script we also hear the script of our brothers our neighbors so we hear we hear each other's scripts too so we know what to expect the other person's supposed to do we also know what we're supposed to do. So that's why I just made like a little visual that I put in the chat so I just thought it was just and you know take those scripts and put them into a five year old and expand them into a 10 year old and a 12 year old and you're like whoa now you know why people are so screwed up pretty crazy that's that's life right right yeah yeah so that's well that was my share it I know it's recorded but man you gotta be at this meeting you can see it if you're here come check it out Roger's here twice a month right thanks for the ads when yep yep yep all right anyone else okay let's close it up thanks for being here good to see you um you can unmute yourselves if you want to close or close with a serenity prayer um appreciate you being here if it was helpful that's even better and if it wasn't helpful share more next time put more in right and if it was helpful bring a friend yeah explore it all right so serenity prayer gods that cannot change courage to change the things that can and the whole to know the difference peace keep coming back all right thank you thank you thanks Roger thanks everyone thanks everybody by