Caught in a silent struggle, many of us grapple with the heavy weight of what it means to be a man in today's society. I'm Aaron Thomas, and on our latest podcast, I bear my soul in a candid conversation about the internal wars we're too often fighting alone. We delve into the consequences of toxic masculinity, the impact of societal expectations on our mental health, and the transformative journey towards understanding our spirituality and purpose. Through my own experiences and those I’ve witnessed as a junior high math teacher, I reveal the importance of fostering spaces for vulnerability and honest discussions about emotions, dismantling the outdated narratives that bind us.
Our recent episode is more than just a conversation; it's an urgent call to redefine masculinity for the modern world. Addressing the heart-wrenching issue of male suicide and the life-saving potential of mentorship, I underline the need for a new paradigm—one where strength is measured by the courage to unveil one's true self and seek support. We explore how the pressure to provide and protect fails to encompass the full scope of a man's identity and how embracing a holistic approach to manhood can create a blueprint for resilience, growth, and a more compassionate society. Join us for an episode that promises to challenge, inspire, and perhaps even heal.
Caught in a silent struggle, many of us grapple with the heavy weight of what it means to be a man in today's society. I'm Aaron Thomas, and on our latest podcast, I bear my soul in a candid conversation about the internal wars we're too often fighting alone. We delve into the consequences of toxic masculinity, the impact of societal expectations on our mental health, and the transformative journey towards understanding our spirituality and purpose. Through my own experiences and those I’ve witnessed as a junior high math teacher, I reveal the importance of fostering spaces for vulnerability and honest discussions about emotions, dismantling the outdated narratives that bind us.
Our recent episode is more than just a conversation; it's an urgent call to redefine masculinity for the modern world. Addressing the heart-wrenching issue of male suicide and the life-saving potential of mentorship, I underline the need for a new paradigm—one where strength is measured by the courage to unveil one's true self and seek support. We explore how the pressure to provide and protect fails to encompass the full scope of a man's identity and how embracing a holistic approach to manhood can create a blueprint for resilience, growth, and a more compassionate society. Join us for an episode that promises to challenge, inspire, and perhaps even heal.
You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.
Speaker 2:
What's up, my beautiful people, aaron Thomas, with Excellence Above Talent, man oh man, I'll tell you this Life has been lifin' and I haven't been the best at processing feelings and emotions, and this sometimes happened in my life, where I let the pressure of life become so overwhelming that I lose focus on what is important. I lose focus on what matters most. From time to time, there's a book that I'm reading or a sermon that I'm listening to or a person that I'm having a conversation with, and through those interactions, it helps me get out of this funk and I can be in a funk and still like process and and figure things out. But, man, for the past I would say six months, since december of 2023 me and god have been beefing, and it's funny because it's more of a me beefing with god, because god ain't beefing with me, but I've been telling everybody me and God have been beefing, but it's more of me beefing with God, I don't know.
Speaker 2:
Some part at the end of last year, I looked at my life and I didn't like where I was at Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially and I'm not in a bad place, but I believe I started to compare myself to others, which created this frustration. There might have been something that I needed or wanted and maybe didn't have the funds for. So I began to throw a temper tantrum. Like you see me out here doing the work and I'm not doing it for others. Like I'm really. I really want to impact and change lives. You see me, I don't want to impact and change lives. You see me, I don't want to be struggling like this. Struggling life is normal and it's something that you can't run from. But I felt like the struggle and I began to get frustrated with God because I want to be a soldier in his army that does good, and I felt like I could do more good with more things instead of focusing on the good I was doing with the things he had given me.
Speaker 2:
And so for a minute there, it was a struggle, and I'm not saying it's still not, but it's one of those things where I've seen and understand okay, this is where I was at, this is where I'm trying to go. I got to get locked back in and I have to figure things out back in and I have to figure things out. So two things happened yesterday that motivated me to get back on to start my weekly podcast. To start is an attack on men and manhood, and these young boys are trying to figure it out. Men are trying to figure it out. We're hurting, we're lost, we're confused. We're trying to find the best way to be the best man that we can possibly be, or the best young man that we can possibly be.
Speaker 2:
It's disheartening when all you see is male bashing. Men ain't shit and we can live in a world without men. Men are toxic. They're horrible creatures. They have done all these horrible things, and so we, as men, just shut up and go about our business, take care of our family finances, whatever it takes to make sure everyone around us is good, and a lot of us aren't good. A lot of us are struggling, a lot of us aren't talking to people, and so we struggle in silence until we can't struggle no more. Trust me, I've tried to just struggle in silence to the point to where the voices in your head become so crushing that you don't want to be here anymore. So I've been there and I've done that. But I'm seeing a lot more of it now.
Speaker 2:
As a seventh grade math teacher at a junior high, you know young boys at the age of seventh grade and eighth grade 12 and 13, trying to commit suicide because they feel pressure, and it breaks my heart that we're putting so much pressure on these young kids. But as they grow up and they don't talk about their feelings and emotions, that pressure doesn't go away. It's going to be with them for the rest of their lives until they find an outlet to alleviate some of that pressure, because it's not going to go away completely. As a man, you have to be under some type of pressure. That's just how I feel. You cannot go through this world as a man and not feel levels of pressure. But pressure all the time makes you want to not be here anymore because it gets heavy and you feel like you're the only one that can carry that burden or that load and you don't have to.
Speaker 2:
So two things. One thing yesterday at Hope Alive, pastor Cliff was talking about karma and how we as Christians have kind of interloped different religions with the gospel of that person's in jail because they deserve it, or that man got his wife divorced him because of the things that he did. That's what he gets. And he was talking about how the gospel, god, wasn't a part of the karma energy or karma religion, of what comes around goes around. He was a part of the gospel of we don't deserve the things that we have and he has given us, but because Jesus went and died on the cross for our sins, that his grace and mercy is sufficient for all the negative things, all the bad choices we have made in our lives. Not saying that you can walk around and continue making all these bad choices, but saying you're trying to figure it out.
Speaker 2:
Someone who has an addiction doesn't stop the addiction the first time. It might take them years to stop the addiction, but God loves them despite of versus us as human beings. We see them and we think, well, that's what they get, because they keep putting this negative stuff in their body, like we have any room to talk about anyone. And it's funny because a lot of people who see others struggle on the outside have the nuts to talk about those people, knowing that on the inside of them they are troubled with some type of sin that they're trying to figure out as well, but because no one sees it, they're safe.
Speaker 2:
And that really just opened my eyes, because I have been struggling with how can anyone listen to me a guy who is a divorcee, who has cheated on every single woman he has ever been in a relationship with, who had a porn addiction and I'm not saying I'm 100% out of it, there are still struggles there but I will say that addiction is not something that has a stronghold on me now who was a liar, who didn't want to accept or made excuses for everything as to why his life was the way it was, who would want to listen to that guy?
Speaker 2:
And I became afraid or not necessarily afraid, but I made the assumption that my voice wasn't good enough for the masses, for people, and so I stayed quiet. I didn't want to make a lot of noise, I didn't want to piss people off, I did not want to have the tough conversations that I had previously had, because I thought I wasn't worthy to be listened to. But the crazy part is, in this six months of me having these negative thoughts and negative conversations about myself, I was still doing, or trying to do, good things as a man, because my ultimate goal now at 37 is just to be the best possible man. I can be Not hurting anyone, trying to understand and listen more, taking my ego out of the things that I feel my ego is trying to rise up to protect, like I don't want to hurt people.
Speaker 2:
I want to help, make an impact, inspire, motivate. So I was in this battle, but the first thing yesterday was listening to the sermon with Pastor Cliff.
Speaker 2:
And one thing that he said that really helped me is reaping what you sow. A lot of times people will say, well, you reap what you sowed, so that's what you get. But Pastor Cliff said reaping what you sow is simply to arrive at the determined destination of a road we chose to travel up on. So you're going to arrive at whatever choice you make. You're going to arrive at whatever road that you take. You're going to arrive there because of the choices that you made. You don't choose the devil, we choose ourself, and the devil is cool with that. So the devil's not going to stop me from having these negative conversations about myself, because with me having negative conversations about myself, it kills my self-esteem, my self-worth. It makes me want to shrink and not use my voice, regardless of what I'm going through for good, and I think that was one of my issues that I was struggling with. I am not the only one trying to be a good Christian and living a life where I could make the people in my life proud, but I felt like I was the only one in that process struggling to be a good Christian, struggling not to sin or fall into my sinful nature, because it happens, I'm not even I'm not going to sit up here and act like I don't sin. Because I sin, my head was because I sin, I am not deserved to, or I am not qualified to, use my voice to speak out on what is good, what is God if I'm struggling? But then I just realized we're all struggling. The preachers in the pulpit are struggling with sin. Your mother, your father, the most holiest people that you know are struggling. And it's not about the struggle. It's about your heart, and I know where my heart is at. So, regardless of whatever struggle I am trying to work through, I know that God has got me because my heart is for him, and there will be days I fail, there will be days where I sin more than others, but all he's asking me to do is show up to use my voice, to use your voice to help others Because, at the end of the day, we need each other. We cannot do this life by ourselves.
Speaker 2:
And the other thing was there was a young man that committed suicide. Someone was having a conversation with me about it and Excellence Above Talent this podcast me speaking out on men's mental health and suicide awareness. It was brought back to my attention. This is why you started it in the first place. It wasn't about you Trying to create a space where a person, listening to the sound of your voice, could be going through the exact same thing you have gone through or you're going through now to know that they are not alone in this process, that they are loved, that they are worthy, that they are enough, and it just clicked. I don't care if 100,000 people or one people click in to this podcast. My goal is one what if I was doing a podcast and that young man heard it and I said something that he needed to hear that day and it stopped him from committing suicide. What if it didn't?
Speaker 2:
But my voice wasn't out there having the tough conversations trying to figure out ways for men to navigate this arena that we're in right now, in this world where it seems like everything that we do and say is an attack on everything and everybody, and it seems like the world just wants us to be quiet and sit in the corner while they live and do whatever it is that they want to do. But I am a big believer and there is not nobody that can tell me. The world needs men. The world needs men who are strong, who are vulnerable, who are vulnerable, who are open and who are willing to create a monster to protect the people in his lives when he needs to protect them, and then knows when to put the monster back, whenever it's not time for the monster to come out.
Speaker 2:
But there's just not enough voices of men saying hey, it's okay, you got this. If you need someone to call or someone to talk to, you can always reach out. There's not enough men who are willing to mentor young boys into manhood. So these young boys are growing up with all the negative things they have learned from society, thinking that this is what a man is and it is killing them. And if it's not killing them, it's creating so much destruction and hurt that it's tearing families apart and breaking people that don't need to be broken, because we have made the assumption that this is what a man is.
Speaker 2:
And if no one's saying this is what a man is, everyone's just saying different qualities of what they think a man is. But if you ask 50 dudes what a man is, you will get 50 different answers and that's again. That's fine, but there should be like four to five qualities that you should hear, and I know for a fact that the two is provide and protect. Those are two qualities, but providing and protecting ain't doing it for us men at this moment, and we have to figure out a way to shift. Provide, protect and what? Because providing and protecting, we're still hurting ourselves, we're still hurting our families, we're still cheating on our wives. Providing and protecting we're still leaving our wives providing and protecting, we're still leaving our kids. Providing and protecting Like that is not the answer to what a man is. It has to be more, because it's not working, so there has to be something that needs to be fixed. Providing and protecting was great when my grandpa was coming up.
Speaker 2:
Or maybe it wasn't, I don't know, but at some point we have to shift. Yes, providing hypotectin is important and it's essential, and we have to do it as men, but there are other things we need to do as men to help alleviate the pressure. I'll tell you this One of the things that kept me from speaking up and this could have been like the main thing I started comparing myself to others and when I started comparing myself to others, I felt like a broke. As a society, we put so much emphasis on things and money, and that equates to power and prestige, leadership, not because you are a good leader, but because you have money. So there's the assumption that your voice needs to be heard in a room, and the commas in my zeros weren't adding up. Sometimes there was one comma, sometimes there were no commas, it's just a decimal and some up. Sometimes there was one comma, sometimes there were no commas, it's just a decimal and some change. And that made me feel less than as a man, because he wants to listen to a broke and I'm not broke into the sense of like I'm about to be homeless, but there's a certain level of cash flow I feel that you need and I didn't have it. So that made me feel less than so.
Speaker 2:
We're fighting all these battles trying to figure it out, and I'm 37. The young man who committed suicide I'm not sure what he was going through, but in this podcast alone I've just kind of taken you through the ups and downs of trying to figure it out as a man Not really having a father figure in his home, so essentially starting from scratch, no one to really look up to, to figure out. Okay, that is what I need to strive to be and be better than I'm not sure what that kid had in his life or who he had in his life, but it sucks. It sucks that 132 people commit suicide a day 132. 22 of those suicides are veterans, men and women who served in the armed forces, and two thirds of the 120 suicides are men. So no one can tell me, can't tell me that we have a problem Putting the gun to your head and pulling the trigger because life has gotten so hard and we are afraid to ask for a hand up.
Speaker 2:
That was another thing that Pastor Cliff said said we as a society has made asking for help so taboo that it has become a. I'm not giving out handouts, and there's a lot of people not asking for handouts. There are a lot of men asking for a hand up. If you help me up, I will do the work. I'm not looking for anything and I have told people this that I would rather die than for people to think I couldn't hack it and I needed all this help, because a lot of times it's not a lot of help that men need, it's a little.
Speaker 2:
But we've created a space where even asking for a little help makes it out or make others believe that we're asking for a handout. And the crazy part is, everyone who got to where they're at in life had a hand up, like everyone. You don't become successful without people helping you up along the way. You don't become successful without it. But for some odd reason, we have twisted it to where any asking of help makes you look weak, makes you look like you can't take care of business as a man, and so we suffer in silence, hoping someone sees us drowning and throws out that lifeline. Hoping that someone sees our energy shifted and they reach out and say hey, are you okay Hoping someone who says they're looking for a job online?
Speaker 2:
Instead of trying to bash them, instead of trying to say, well, there's a lot of jobs out here. There's a lot of jobs out here. There is, but if you don't know anyone working at that job, you ain't getting that job. That is just the basis of odessa. If you're looking for a job and you know no one there and there are other people that they know that have filled out the application, regardless of like how qualified you are, for for the most part the people that they know will get the job, so you can say there's a lot of jobs out there. But if you don't know anybody and you asked for help, instead of trying to judge that man, call some contacts, call some people, see if you can help them out in any way, because I guarantee you most dudes aren't looking for money to be put into their hands. They're looking for a place or a space where they can provide a certain set of skills and get compensation back in return. But we've become so negative towards it to where man asking for help.
Speaker 2:
I'd rather die. And people are dying, hanging themselves, cutting their wrists, putting a gun to their head. They would rather die than to ask for help, and that's a sad world to live in. That's a sad world to be a part of and, if I can, I want to do what I can to let those people know that that's not the world you have to live in. So if anyone hasn't told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You are awesome. You are amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit, because the world does not get easier. But I promise you, if you stay the course and you keep trying to figure it out and you ask for help every so often, you will get stronger. Y'all have a blessed day. Bye-bye.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode, and for daily motivational and up-to-date content. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.