Excellence Above Talent Podcast
The State of Man Is in Crisis—It’s Time for a Conversation.
The Excellence Above Talent podcast was born from pain, loss, and a deep need for change.
- Men are 3.6 times more likely to die by suicide than women.
- Men commit the majority of violence in the U.S., including domestic abuse and sexual assault.
- 90% of the prison population consists of men.
These are not just statistics—they represent broken families, lost lives, and a cycle of harm and abuse that must end.
As a BIPP (Batterer’s Intervention and Prevention Program) Director for four years, I’ve had countless conversations with men—men who believed abuse was necessary, men who didn’t even realize they were abusers. What I learned is that men want to talk, but they have no safe space to do so.
Society teaches men to suppress their struggles, to avoid vulnerability, and to uphold a toxic version of manhood. But silence is destroying us.
The Excellence Above Talent podcast is here to challenge the status quo. We’re redefining what it means to be a man—one conversation at a time.
Join me. Let’s fight for the future of manhood. Our sons are watching.
#ExcellenceAboveTalent #MensMentalHealth #RedefiningManhood #BreakTheCycle
Excellence Above Talent Podcast
The 10 Walls Between Men and Greatness
Aaron Thomas explores ten barriers preventing men from reaching their full potential as open, vulnerable individuals who inspire those around them.
• Societal expectations around traditional masculinity discourage emotional expression
• Workplace stress puts pressure on men to prioritize work over family and personal wellbeing
• Relationship issues stem from difficulty expressing emotions and needs
• Financial pressure ties economic stability to self-worth causing unnecessary stress
• Health concerns go unaddressed as men delay seeking medical help
• Substance abuse serves as unhealthy coping mechanisms for emotional pain
• Loneliness and isolation result from limited support networks
• Mental health stigma prevents men from seeking necessary help
• Burnout occurs from constant overworking and seeking titles/awards
• Trauma and PTSD remain unprocessed due to societal pressure
Aaron encourages listeners to question societal definitions of weakness and strength. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. Keep moving forward, never give up, and remember you are never alone in this battle.
#excellenceabovetalent #EAT #dontgiveup #youdeservethebest #youareenough ...
You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.
Speaker 2:What's up, my beautiful people, aaron Thomas, with excellence above talent, so I wanted to, and just kind of, have a conversation about the series that's been on my podcast. So I've had seven men and one female, and I'm going to finish this podcast with three more males and four females just talking about the state of manhood, going more into depth as why men do the things they do. What are some of our strengths, what are some of our weaknesses, what are things that we can get better at, what are things that we should be calling out? And so I've come up with 10 things from the series that we're going through. So 10 things that are keeping men from reaching their full potential. And when I say full potential, I mean a man who is open and vulnerable and working his tail off to get everything that life has for him, to get everything that God has for him. He's not afraid to stand out. He's not afraid to stand up. He shows up, he shows out, he's authentic, he's unapologetic, he loves, he gives and he pushes and inspires the people around him to want to be better. So when I say reaching their full potential, that's what I mean, and I've, through these podcasts, I've came up with 10 things that are keeping us, as men, from reaching this potential.
Speaker 2:Number one is societal expectations. So traditionally, masculinity often emphasizes traits like stoicism, self-reliance and dominance, which can discourage emotional expression because I'm trying to look like everything is okay and I'm not fazed by anything. This can lead to internalizing a lot of stress and mental struggles, and I've had a issue with trying to be stoic or trying to act like I don't need anyone. There were times where I felt like as a man, I can't be too happy because that looks weak. You can't show up to a place smiling with a positive attitude because there's a sense of weakness that comes with that Like, why are you smiling? You should be going through it, you should be, you know, trying to figure out life and acting like nothing matters. You should have an even keel about yourself, and I struggled with that for a little bit until I realized I'm just going to show up and be me, regardless of what others think I should be as a man, and with these 10 things I've tried to come up with some type of solution. Right so for societal expectation. So you need to encourage, be more encouraging of yourself when you look in the mirror to redefine your masculine self. That includes emotional intelligence, empathy and vulnerability.
Speaker 2:It's crazy because the more open I was, the freer I became. The more open I was, the freer I became, so the more open I was with myself about my struggles and my flaws and the things that I liked, the things that I didn't like, the conversations that I had. I didn't like the conversations that I had. I began to find pieces of my masculinity that I guess from elementary on to like. As I grew older, I tried to hide underneath all these masks that I had as to what I thought society said a man wasn't, and so if I saw something in my life that was deemed weak, I would cover it up and act in a different way to where that weakness wouldn't show perceived weakness. But the more I started to open up with myself and the people around me, the more I started to realize that what I was hiding wasn't weakness. It was a vital part of who I was and who I am as a person and as a man. And because I started to realize who I was as a person and as a man, I began to work on the things that I struggled with and the things that made me better. And it was just a beautiful thing because I didn't have to hide who I was anymore, I just showed up Two workplace stress.
Speaker 2:So sometimes, man, we put extra pressure on ourselves to make sure that we have a job, and with that job we don't want to have insecurities. So we put a lot of energy into making sure that we are needed for that job and then we add on this burden of I have to be successful, I have to make money, there has to be a level of wealth to where I can get the house and the cars and the women, and it's a societal expectation that I feel we as men experience. And the solution for workplace stress is if you have PTO, use it. If you need a mental health day, use it, use it. Don't be afraid to take time off for yourself and if you have a family, for your family. Because a lot of times men put so much effort into their workplace that when they come home they have nothing left to provide or to give. And I think that's such an opposite way of how that works. Because your family will always be there, your work won't. So you need to make sure that you're also present and taking care of your family, and not just monetary, but being there, showing up, giving them the effort that you give your work. Your family should also get that effort as well.
Speaker 2:A lot of people make the assumption and we've all been at work environments where if you take time off, you're weak, you're less than because you need to push through. Right, I would say a man becomes weak if, instead of taking time to himself, he pushes through and slowly becomes uh, he slowly deteriorates himself, uh, trying to work through issues that could be, that could be resolved if he took some time off. So a lot of times we look at weakness as taking time off for work, but I'm reframing it because I feel that weakness could be not taking time off for work, pushing yourself to the point to where you're exhausted, you, you're getting sick, you're burning yourself out, you don't have energy for anything, and then one day you blow up. To me that's more of a weak man than a man who sees himself and knows, hey, I need to take some time to recover, recuperate so that I can give back in a healthy way versus an unhealthy way.
Speaker 2:The third thing is relationship issues. So many men struggle with expression, emotions or needs within relationships, leading to tension and loneliness. And again, number one is like one of the things that goes with the rest of these nine the societal expectation of a man to not express anything and make the assumption that someone else is going to pick up what they're needing without me, as a man, expressing what I need. It's the craziest thing. And then if someone doesn't pick up what I need because I'm not expressing it, it pisses me off. Pick up what I need because I'm not expressing it, it pisses me off. It makes me think of all the negative things that this person could be doing.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you this my first marriage I didn't communicate enough, and when I did, it wasn't good communication, it was just I ain't getting enough. But there wasn't any communication of like, hey, this is what's going on, this is what I'm I'm struggling with. It was more of a demand. It was more of a demand because I was already frustrated coming into the conversation, because I had put this pressure on my ex-wife to see what wasn't being said and because she didn't see what wasn't being said, I came into the conversation already at a level 10. And then, once you're coming into a conversation with someone and you're at a level 10, the only thing that they're going to do is become defensive. And so, instead of being heard, she's defending herself because I came incorrect and it led us down this path where one day she was like I don't want to be with you anymore. And now, in hindsight, looking back at it, I get it. I never try to fault people when they make decisions, because it's easy to look at them and try to blame them and make it about them.
Speaker 2:But if I'm saying I'm the man of the household and I'm supposed to be leading and leading comes with communicating what you need leading is being open and vulnerable. Leading is setting goals and everyone knows where we're going. There was none of that. It's a lot of chaos. A lot of chaos because I didn't feel like expressing emotions was needed within my relationship, and it did lead to a lot of tension and loneliness. There were nights I fell asleep, lonely, because I didn't open my mouth to communicate that I needed that person until it's too late and they want a divorce, and then you start to play all these things back in your head and you try to figure out what happened. So in my new marriage, solutions to relationship issues would be to participate in relationship building books that enhance communication skills and emotional literacy.
Speaker 2:Have game nights. Yanni likes games. So do I. I don't get why she likes games, though, because I'm not the type of guy that lets you win because of anything. If there's a game that's being played, I'm going to try to win, and she hardly ever wins, but she still gets up and tries. So I respect that. So have game nights. Have date nights. I'm doing this podcast recording. On a Thursday, we are going to go watch Thunderbolts at 740 at Cinergy. So we try to have weekly date nights.
Speaker 2:We cook for each other. I cook sometimes, she cooks sometimes. We find ways to serve each other. It's not a competition, it's I'm serving you, you're serving me. I am now not afraid to express. My one morning I expressed myself, but it was expression through frustration, and I realized what I was doing. I had to take a step back and then come back into it to have the conversation of hey, this is on me, I can't blame you for how I was feeling, because you didn't know. So now I'm going to try to express how I'm feeling so that you know and I was able to express. She was able to hear and understand and not get defensive, and the issue was resolved. As a man, you have to understand that closed mouths don't get fed and society doesn't dictate how you should feel in any situation, because you have to start questioning yourself when is that coming from? So a closed mouth won't get fed.
Speaker 2:If you're struggling with something or if you need something from your spouse, have the conversation. Four is financial pressure. Again, societal expectations, financial gains. Your economic stability is often tied to self-worth and masculine norms, causing stress when financial hardships arises. Solution if you don't have it, you don't have it. Man, there have been so many years of my life I have wasted worrying about something that I didn't have and was never going to get. I worry so much about money and how to get money versus using that thought process. So, instead of worrying, using a thought process to figure out ways I could put more money into my pocket, because if you don't have it, you don't have it.
Speaker 2:If someone's calling about a bill or something and you have $10 in your bank account and you owe them $1,000. There is nothing you can do about that at that moment. But have the conversation. Hey, I don't have it. I'll have to give it back. I'm working towards it. I'll have to give it back to you later.
Speaker 2:But stop stressing yourself out. If you don't have the money, you don't have it and you can't worry or stress money into your life. You can use that worry and stress, flip it on his head and figure out ways to make money, but stressing about money does nothing for you. So clear your head and find something that's going to help you make more money. There's all kinds of jobs you can do out there. Now it's called the gig economy, and I used to be an Uber driver, doordash driver, lyft driver, instacart Sometimes I still do Amazon Flex Like there's ways you can make money. You just don't have to sit on your hands and worry about it. Start reading books, start making yourself invaluable, gain knowledge. Maybe you don't have the money now, but you're taking classes and you're becoming a trainer. You're doing something that's going to get you further along in life, versus sitting and worrying about something that you don't have and you're not going to get unless you get up and start moving around. Don't have and you're not going to get unless you get up and start moving around.
Speaker 2:Five health concerns, something that I still deal with because I don't like hospitals or doctors or anything of that nature. So this is a struggle of mine. If I am sick and I go to the doctor, I am sick like beyond sick and it's not healthy. You shouldn't delay seeking medical help. You shouldn't delay seeking psychological help because you think it's again a societal expectation that man can't ask for help or get help, or you see it as a sign of weakness.
Speaker 2:I don't know how many times I have heard someone talk about their father and say he knew he was sick and he did not get the help until it was too late. And I just don't want to be that guy that had the opportunity to fix something ahead of time and chose not to. And now I've put this burden on my family of being sick and unwell, maybe not able to work, because I didn't go seek the help that was needed beforehand so that I could still continue to be there for my family. It's so crazy. It's societal expectations of what is weak and what is strong. Right, so it's weak to go to the doctor and get the help needed is what society is saying.
Speaker 2:But when you become sick because you don't go to the doctor and you put this burden on your family because you're too sick to do anything, versus going to the doctor when you feel unwell, getting a treatment, getting it fixed so that you're still there for your family and they can still lean and depend on you. That is viewed as weakness in societal expectation, which is crazy to me, and what is considered strong in the long run makes you the weakest as men. We have to start questioning where our expectations come from and why do we have them and are they beneficial for you? Because a lot of times these expectations do not benefit you. Fellas, go get your checkup, get your yearly checkup, get your blood work done.
Speaker 2:Make sure you're good, because no one else can protect the family like you can, and you can't protect your family if you're gone because you chose not to go and get the help that's needed. Self-dense abuse this is what's keeping men from reaching their full potential. Coping with stress and emotional pain through substance abuse, I think one of the most common things that we, as men, struggle and deal with. This can spiral into addictions, further implicating mental health. So instead of going to go get help, you run to a bottle. So not only are you screwing yourself health-wise, you're also destroying your mental and the family you said you would protect. Instead of going to go get help I want y'all to hear what I just said Instead of going to go get the help you need counseling, going to church, going to a male support group Instead of going to go get help, you run to something that sends you into a more downward spiral that only creates chaos and destruction for your life, because you're viewing help as weak and drinking as strong. You're viewing help as weak and drinking as strong, and your vice might not be drinking. Your vice might be drugs, your vice might be pornography, strip clubs, chasing women, playing women. Whatever vice that you're doing that's creating a negative impact on your life. You would rather do than get the help needed to make your life better. And a lot of times you set yourself back months and years because you're running from the help that you need, thinking that you're going to get it from this pill or this bottle or this filling after you nut, when all those things only create more issues and that feeling might be gone for a little bit. But when you get back sober again, those feelings come back and they come back stronger. The solution Pastor Cliff taught a sermon about breaking cycles on Sunday at Hope Alive Church and he came up with a cycle breakingbreaking plan.
Speaker 2:This is a two-week series. We're in week one, so if this resonated with you, come to Hope Alive Church on Sunday. You don't even have to come to Hope Alive Church. You can also search him up on YouTube and you can watch it. You can be a bedside disciple and that's totally fine, but there's ways that you can get the rest of this sermon next week.
Speaker 2:But he talked about a cycle breaking plan and you just can't try to take care of all these cycles at once. You have to look at one. You have to know hey, I'm struggling with something. So write one unhealthy cycle you see in your life. Write it down Two. Ask God to reveal the root. Where did it come from? Why do you have it?
Speaker 2:So one of my cycles was pornography and I've dealt with it dang near all of my life and I finally wanted to kick this cycle because it was destroying my life and the relationship with my spouse or any women that I was with in my life. So, in asking God, where did it come from? It started from seeing a titty not a magazine, but a titty calendar in Crane, texas. That's when I was open to pornography. And then it just it carried me down this path and instead of trying to address it, I tried to shame it. And then, trying to shame an addiction, it only becomes bigger and it creates more shame, and it's such a negative place to be in where you're shaming yourself because you don't want to do these things that you know are causing you to not be the best version of yourself. So instead of looking at it in a mirror and trying to say, okay, we're going to figure out why and do better, you don't look in the mirror and you act like everything's okay and when it's not, you run back to the thing that makes you feel more the most shame. So you have to ask God, where did it come from? And then name one person you can talk to about the situation and have that person hold you accountable for your actions. I'm not going to sit here and lie and say I'm 100% free from watching porn. I will tell you that the desire to isn't there anymore, and if I ever fall into that temptation, there is a alarm that goes off in my head. It's not shameful, it's a hey, dude, you're doing this and you know where it's going to take you if you don't address why you're doing it. And so, instead of noun shaming myself, it's a what's happening in your life to make you feel that this is what you need to go to, to take away whatever issues that you're having or whatever issues you're not willing to face.
Speaker 2:Number seven loneliness and isolation. We have so few connections, we don't have a big support network, and I've said it multiple times on this podcast that the loneliest I've ever felt was when I had so many friends or who I thought were friends, but they were only friends because we were all in this negative space in life and we could drink and act a fool and get blacked out, and we all knew that we were struggling with something, but we never had the conversation about what we were struggling with. So instead of talking about, hey, I'm going through this, we just drank, hoping that this pain or the struggle would go away and it never did. Your solution would be to seek support. It's scary, but it's needed.
Speaker 2:Find men in your life that will push you to be better, hold you accountable for your actions, that you can be open and vulnerable with and they won't go tell your secrets. It's funny because a lot of men say that women gossip a lot, but men also gossip and tell business a lot as well A lot. So sometimes you would make the assumption, hey, I'm going to tell my buddy this because I'm struggling with it, and instead of being heard, you got made fun of. You got told to man up and then what you told in confidence, now people in your community that shouldn't know about your issues or the things that you've gone through know about them, because men talk too. So it's super important to, if you are going to seek support, if you are going to talk about your feelings, make sure it's someone that you trust, make sure it's someone that knows you and isn't willing to try to expose you for whatever gain they need for themselves.
Speaker 2:Another way that what I've done to help with my loneliness when I start to feel lonely or isolated is I go volunteer. People say all the time oh you're, mr Odessa. No, I just started to volunteer because I started to feel some type of way about myself, but then I realized I really enjoyed it that there were a lot of people out there that needed help and wanted help and I could provide that. And it didn't take money to show up and pick up trash, to show up and mow someone's yard, to show up and help take bulky items from their yard and throw them away. It didn't take anything. And every time I volunteered and half the time I didn't want to, but I signed up for it, so I showed up. Every time I left, I left feeling better about myself. I left knowing that I wasn't alone. I left knowing that I wasn't isolating myself. I left knowing that I wasn't alone. I left knowing that I wasn't isolating myself. I left knowing that I could be a bright spot in someone's life.
Speaker 2:And you also can't as a man. Sometimes we think we can get it together first and then pop out and show everybody like, yeah, this is me. You're never going to have it together. There's not one person in this world that had it together. We are all still trying to figure it out. You're never going to get it together and then pop out. Pop out, go explore life, go figure it out. While getting it together, learn, grow, fail. That's the beauty of popping out first and then trying to figure it out, versus trying to get it together because we're all still trying to get it together. It's just not a thing.
Speaker 2:Number eight the stigma around mental health. The fear of being judged or labeled, will prevent a lot of men from seeking help. Because when I was teaching the abuse class, men who didn't seek help and abused their wives punched holes in walls, shot guns in ceilings. That's fucking weak To me. Abusing women, abusing kids, that's the weakest of the weak as a man you could be. But because society said don't seek help, you will explode. And you're never going to explode at the boss, man at work or people you don't know. You take that crap to your house and you explode on your spouse and your kids. That's what cowards do and people walk around here saying don't seek help. But if you don't seek help, not only will you destroy your life, you would destroy everyone's life around you that loves you so much and wants to see the best from you, but because you make the assumption and your buddies or society has said this is a form of weakness. You don't do it just to become the weakest person you could possibly be by abusing people that love you unconditionally the kids, yes, your spouse that's another conversation, but she still loves you enough to stay with you.
Speaker 2:Again, we have to start challenging what this world views as weak and question why. Because strong is knowing that you want to punch a hole in the wall. Knowing that you want to verbally say something that could destroy someone's life and not saying it. Knowing that you need to go get help because you're feeling these feelings of anger and you don't know how to express it. So, going to a counselor, to your pastor at church, going to your support system and having a conversation so that when you go home you're not spazzing out on your wife and kids, you're loving them, you're showing them what a real man is. Number nine is burnout, and we kind of talked about burnout with workplace stress, the constant overworking that can lead to physical, emotional and mental exhaustion. We're so big on titles and awards and I mean I used to be and I probably still am. I just haven't you know, won anything in a while?
Speaker 2:haven't won anything in a while, but I've won so many awards volunteer awards and Odessa Under 40 and board member award. I've won so many awards, worked my butt off to gain titles but at the end of the day and this was in my first marriage at the end of the day, all those titles and all those awards didn't stop me from getting divorced. I was an amazing person out in the community, but at home I was a monster. Everyone loved Aaron Thomas and he had so much charisma, but at home I was crumbling. At home I was suffering. At home I was exhausted. I didn't have much to give. So there's a balance. You know we talked about isolation and loneliness. There's a balance. Sometimes I need to isolate myself to reset, to refresh, so that there isn't a burnout situation situation, but I shouldn't isolate myself so much that I do burn out. You have to find a balance. Sometimes you have to listen to your body, because your body will tell you you're teetering, you're going one way You're going more towards isolation, and you know where this is going to lead in life. Or you're going more towards you're burning yourself out, and you know what's going to happen. So you have to sometimes listen to your body, to balance your life out so that you can lead properly.
Speaker 2:Number 10 is trauma and PTSD. Men experience trauma. We've experienced violence and accidents. Some of us have been abused. I was in the military, so military service it can affect your mental health. One of my buddies, my little brother, he died. He died in a moped accident.
Speaker 2:I don't think I've processed it still yet, but I knew I needed to go and talk to somebody, so last week I called and set up an appointment for a counseling session. I called and set up an appointment for a counseling session. I had been to counseling about two years and so I know I need to go more often. And I just had my first counseling session Tuesday and it was something that I needed. I knew I needed to live your best life and that was a wake-up call for me and I went and I spoke and I expressed my feelings. They helped me talk through it and now I'm on schedule every two weeks because I need it.
Speaker 2:It wasn't just his dying that sparked it. There was a lot going on in my life, from school and coaching, new marriage, going back to college, this podcast, my mentor program, this book I'm writing, there's just a lot going on, and I believe I was worrying myself then, not expressing myself the way I needed to, and so putting myself back on the track to talk and seek help doesn't make me weak. It makes me strong, because I know that there are people in this life that need a strong Aaron Thomas and not one that can't express anything out of fear of being laughed at or looked down upon or being called weak. We have to start questioning what is weakness and what is strength, because for some odd reason, weakness to this society to me odd reason weakness to this society to me looks like strength, and strength in this society looks like weakness. You're not strong if you're breaking people, you're hurting people, you're drinking, you're doing drugs, you're watching porn, you're trying to bang every woman that is walking. That's not strength. It's a very weak person, a very weak man that has no clue how to express himself in order to find himself.
Speaker 2:Start questioning what is weak and what is strong. So if anyone hasn't told you today, let me be the first to say I love you. You are awesome, you are amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier, but y'all will get stronger. Y'all have a blessed weekend. Bye-bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode, and for daily motivational and up-to-date content. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.
