You Will Always Fall Back To Who You Believe You Are

You can grind for a month, hit a goal, and still end up right back in the same old habits the moment pressure hits. That’s not because you’re broken or “just not disciplined.” It’s because your identity is doing exactly what it was built to do: pull you back to what feels familiar.

We talk about the real difference between behavior and identity and why behavior always follows what you believe about yourself. If your internal voice keeps repeating “I always mess up” or “I’m inconsistent,” you’ll eventually act that out, no matter how motivated you felt last week. We dig into the uncomfortable parts too: the fear of becoming someone new, the ego that defends who you’ve been, and what happens when growth starts shrinking your circle because certain relationships, jobs, and environments no longer fit.

Then we get practical. We share the mindset shift from “I’m trying” to “I am,” why speaking life into yourself matters as an adult, and how small wins become proof that slowly rewires your self-image. You’ll also hear simple reflection questions you can use right away to decide who you are becoming and how that version of you shows up this week.

If this hit home, subscribe, share this with a friend who’s stuck in the same loop, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What identity are you ready to stop living from?

Transcript

Welcome And The Big Question

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.

Why Goals Collapse Under Pressure

Behavior Follows Identity Every Time

The Fear Of Becoming New

Speak Life And Stack Small Wins

Reflection Questions And Final Charge

SPEAKER_01 0:34

What's up, my beautiful people? Aaron Thomas with excellence above talent. We're on episode 20, getting to the end of this. We have about four weeks left. And this topic is a topic that I am still working on within myself. But I also believe this is something that I'm always going to constantly be working on until I die. And the the topic for episode 20 is identity. Why you keep going back to who you used to be. So you can manage or change your habits for a moment, you can change your behavior for a season, but if you don't change how you see yourself, you'll keep going back to who you used to be. Today we're talking about identity and why, if the real reason most change doesn't last. So let's be real. You don't raise your goals, you always fall back to your identity. What is inside of you? I can put things on a board and say I want to make this and that, and I want to lift this weight or make this money. And you might be able to hit those goals. But whenever pressure hits, when you're tired, when you're triggered, when sometimes you fail in reaching your goals, you always fall back to who you believe you are. So you can set goals, you can build habits, you can say the right thing, you can look like everything in your life is going right. The world can look from the outside in and think, I would like to be like that person, I would like to be like that man, but they don't see the measure of the man that is inside of you. A lot of people try to change their behavior without changing their identity. So they'll say things like, I'm trying to be disciplined, I'm trying to be consistent, I'm trying to be better, but deep down they still feel like I always mess up. I'm inconsistent. This is how I am. And if you have that thought process, eventually you're returned back to the version of yourself that you're trying to change. So I want to break down behavior versus identity. Behavior is what you do, identity is who you believe you are, and your behavior always follows your identity. That's why it's easy. It's easy to change your behavior for a day or two. During New Year's, when everyone's trying to go to the gym and trying to work out and trying to get fit, they change their behavior, but by February, who they are shows up. And they aren't that person who wants to go to the gym. They aren't that person who wants to get fit. Because on the inside, they haven't challenged or pushed themselves or changed themselves to be better. So that behavior then goes back to who you really are. Identity starts with your internal conversation. The way you talk to yourself matters. Because if your internal voice says, I'm not that kind of person, you won't act like that kind of person. Even if you want to. When you don't change your internal conversation, it sounds like I'm not disciplined, I've always been like this, this is just the way I am, I can't stick with anything. And those aren't just statements. You're identifying yourself, you're you're shining the flashlight or the spotlight on who you really are. And you will always live up to how you speak to yourself. And that's why a lot of men go back to what they think is normal. You don't go back because you failed. You go back because it feels familiar, because your old identity is comfortable. Even when you know it creates chaos, you know the chaos that it brings, you know the hurt that it brings. Even if unhealthy, even if it is unhealthy. The biggest thing I feel that a lot of men hold on to who they think they are or who they think they should be is because of the fear of becoming someone new. Changing your identity is uncomfortable because it requires letting go of who you've been. So if I've been this way for 35 years, and that's all I know, but I also know that it's killing me inside, it's hurting me. But to let go of who I know I've been, to go find someone I've never been, or to identify as someone I've never been, is hard. Because then you have to peel the layers back to see you for you. Take out all the skeletons in your closet, all the wrong you've done, all the pain you have caused. That's scary. You also don't want to think differently about yourself because that thing called ego comes in and you start to defend who you've been, knowing that it has only caused chaos in your life. And there's a fear of acting like someone you've never acted like before. And because now you're acting differently, your circle begins to get smaller, and then at some point you're by yourself because you're rewriting who you thought you were into who you're trying to become, and those friends or that job or that circumstance doesn't serve you anymore, it makes you move. The relationship that you're in when you start to change, you see things, it doesn't serve you anymore. And so you try to hold on to all the things that you know because you would rather stay familiar than to grow uncomfortably. But if you really want to change, real change sounds like I'm someone who follows through, I'm someone who communicates, I'm someone who handles things. Not I'm trying, but I am, and that is the shift. And I want you to think the last time someone has ever spoken life into you as an adult. As a teacher, I try to speak life into my kids because I don't know if they're being talked to at the house. And so I want to make sure that I'm speaking life into these kids. But as an adult, when was it okay to stop speaking life into people? I made a post today about this. Find five people that you have seen doing the work and trying, that has good character, that shows up when no one else shows up, that's a good leader, and speak life into those people. But you also in turn have to look in the mirror daily and speak life into yourself because you're not gonna get it for the most part from others. And that's where the action starts. When you start to speak life into yourself, because identity is built through your actions. Most people miss it because they don't want to feel like a new person. But if you start to act like a new person, over time that catches up to you and your identity will change slowly. It's not something that's gonna happen quickly. And you have to focus on the small wins because they matter. So every time you do something that you said you were going to do, every time you respond differently, every time you stay consistent, you're not just changing your behavior, you're reinforcing the new person that you're trying to become. And here's the hard truth. If you see yourself as the old version of you, you'll keep returning to the old habits no matter how hard you try. So if you want to lie, so if you want a lasting change, you don't need just new habits, you need a new identity because the life you want is built by the person you become. And here are some reflection questions that will help you in this process of becoming the new you. What identity am I currently operating from? What version of myself am I trying to become? What would that version of me do differently this week? So, this week, don't just try to act different. Decide who you are and start showing up like it. If anyone hasn't told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you, you're awesome, you're amazing, you deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not quit, do not give up. The world does not get easier, but you get stronger. Y'all have a blessed weekend.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Bye-bye. Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And for daily, motivational, and up-to-date content, follow us on Facebook and Instagram at ExcellenceAboveTalent. And remember, keep moving forward, never give up, and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.