What If Honesty Is The Real Measure Of Manhood

Some of the most broken men you know look like the most reliable ones. I’m talking about the veteran who shows up, the coach who keeps encouraging others, the husband and leader who gets it done, and the friend who always says, “I’m good.” I’m also talking about what people don’t see: the internal battle, the pressure to perform strength, and the pain that gets carried alone.

I share why men’s mental health became personal for me, including two low points that still shape how I speak, coach, and mentor today. One is my own season of not being okay, when I felt overwhelmed, trapped, and unseen. The other is losing a buddy I served with in Iraq, someone who brought light into a scary place but struggled hard after we got home. I offered help and even sent money, but I didn’t ask the question that mattered most: “Are you okay?” That loss is a permanent reminder that men can suffer silently until it’s too late.

We talk about the lies men absorb early: asking for help is weakness, struggling means failure, real men don’t break. We also get real about how pain leaks out sideways through anger, isolation, addiction, emotional shutdown, depression, anxiety, and sometimes suicide. My core takeaway is simple: healing doesn’t begin when we get tougher, it begins when we get honest, then we build awareness, accountability, and growth from there.

If you’re struggling, you don’t have to carry it alone. Listen, share this with a man you care about, and subscribe, rate, and review the show so more men hear they’re not alone.

Transcript

Welcome To Excellence Above Talent

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.

Why Men’s Mental Health Is Personal

SPEAKER_00 0:45

This episode I wanted to To jump on and tell you why men's mental health became personal. So I want to do something different. I want to answer a question that nobody has directly asked me, but it's a question that sits underneath a lot of what I do. Why do I talk so much about men's mental health? Why am I passionate about it? Why do I keep bringing it up? Why do I host workshops about it? Why do I keep having these conversations when some people would rather avoid them? The answer is simple. Because this isn't theory for me. This is personal. I don't speak about men's mental health because I read because I read a book. I don't speak about it because it's trending. I don't speak about it because it sounds good on social media. I speak about it because I've lived through some dark seasons in my life. And I've seen other men live through some dark seasons in their life, and some men never made it out of that season. And I know there are men listening right now who are carrying things nobody knows

The Mask Men Learn To Wear

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about. Most people see highlight rails. They see a veteran, a teacher, coach, speaker, mentor, husband, community leader, podcast host, the guy helping other people, the guy trying to encourage people, the guy trying to consistently show up. The guy trying to get things done. But what people don't see is the internal battle. Because the truth is, many men become experts at looking okay. We learn how to function while we're hurting. We learn how to smile while we're struggling. We learn how to perform strength even when we're falling apart. And eventually people ask if we're okay because we look like we've got it all together. The problem is looking strong and being healthy are not always the same thing. One of the biggest lies men believe is this. I have to handle it. We think asking for help is weakness. We think struggling means we failed. We think real men don't break. We think real men don't break. So we carry everything. Depression, expectation, fear, shame, disappointment. We convinced ourselves that we'll figure it out eventually. But carrying pain doesn't heal pain. Ignoring pain doesn't heal pain. Pretending doesn't heal pain.

My First Low Point And Silence

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I have two low points in my life. There was a season in my life when I wasn't okay. And if I'm being honest, there were moments when I didn't want to be here anymore. That's not easy to talk about, but it's the truth. I know what it feels like to feel overwhelmed. I know what it's like to feel trapped. I know what it's like to feel nobody really understands what's happening inside of my head. And here's what's scary. Most people around you may not even know. Because men often suffer silently. We go to work, we show up for our families, we coach the teams, we lead the meetings, we smile for the picture, and then we go home and fight battles no one sees. That's why men's mental health matters. Not because men are weak, but because men are human. My

Losing A Brother After Iraq

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second lowest point is one of my buddies who I went to Iraq with. For a year we fought, battled, cried, bled, sweat, did everything we could for this country because we believed in this country. We wanted the best for this country. He was the light in a scary place, always laughing, always having fun, lighthearted. He made being in a dangerous place a little bit more manageable. When we got back to the States, he struggled. He reached out. At that time I was in the oil field, and I said, You can come to Odessa, I'll put you in one of my rooms, we can try to get you a job in the oil field, get you back on your feet. And he asked for some money. And I sent him some. But I didn't really ask the question, are you okay? And then a couple of months later, he's not here anymore. I was so angry with myself because how did I not see that coming? But there were a lot of men in my unit that did not see that coming neither. Because at that time, we wasn't all talking together. Because if we would have known that he was asking everybody for money, we would have known that he needed help. But no one knew he needed help until it was too late. So we created a a Facebook thread where we check in on each other now. This has been 2005, you know, well when we served. And so now we have this Facebook messenger thread and we check in on each other. We send details of what's going on in our lives. We were all hurting, and I'm pretty sure most of us has felt the way that my buddy felt at some point during our lives. I was hurt because I didn't want to have the tough conversation. I threw money at it hoping that it would fix it, and it didn't. Men are human too. Because men are carrying a lot. We're carrying trauma, childhood wounds, father wounds, divorce, addiction, loneliness, shame from mistakes made years ago, carrying expectations that no human being could ever meet. The world tells us to be strong, but no one tells us what to do with our pain. So the pain always comes out sideways. Anger, isolation, pornography, addiction, workaholism, emotional shutdown, depression, anxiety, and sometimes suicide. The stats are real. Every day, men are losing their lives. About a hundred men a day, and twenty two are veterans. Not because of their lack of talent, their lack of intelligence,

Why Honesty Starts Healing

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their lack of potential, but because they've lost hope. And that is why I refuse to stay silent. Behind every statistic is someone's son, father, husband, friend, somebody who felt that they had to carry everything alone. Healing didn't begin when I got stronger. Healing began when I got honest. That's important. Because a lot of men think the answer is becoming tougher. And the answer isn't becoming tougher. The answer is becoming honest. Honest with your struggles, honest with your emotions, honest about your mistakes, honest about your pain. That's where healing starts. Awareness, then accountability, then growth. And I'll tell you right now, when you're honest about yourself, society will look at you as a weak man. Because that's not what they're used to seeing. They're used to seeing men who act tough be tough while spiraling out of control. And when some man comes on a social media post or a video and he's being honest and open about his addictions and his troubles, it looks weak to a society who doesn't know who it is. We're all trying to figure it out. We're all trying to make the best decisions for ourselves and our families. But for some odd reason, instead of building each other up and making sure each other is okay, we tear each other down and we laugh at each other. Especially people who are trying to be honest with what's going on in their lives. Like their life isn't also jacked up, too. So this is why I started the mission. That's why I coach. That's why I mentor. That's why I speak. My buddy that died was the reason why I started excellence above talent. That's the reason why I will never shut up. It's bigger than me. It's bigger than me. I have the drive, I have the motivation, I have the discipline, I have the consistency until I die to be a mouthpiece for men who are afraid to speak up and to speak out. I will never be quiet. I will never shut up. Because there's someone, even if it's one person, that needs to hear the sound of my voice to keep moving forward, to not give up, to not quit, to say I'm not the only one struggling or going through something.

The Manhood Reset Workshop

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July 18th, me and a few men are going to put on a workshop for men, and it's called the Manhood Reset. And we're going to be talking about the spiritual side of manhood, the wellness and fitness side of manhood, and the struggles that we go through, and what are some things that could help us through these struggles. I don't want men suffering in silence. I don't want young boys growing up believing emotions or weakness. I don't want men waiting until they're at rock bottom before they ask for help. Men need to know that strength and vulnerability can exist in the same person. Men need to know that they don't have to perform all the time. Men need to know that healing is available. Some people might ask, what qualifies someone to talk about men's mental health? And here's my answer. I've lived through pain. I've battled my own darkness. I've made bad choices. I've experienced shame. I've fought for healing. I sat with hurting men. I've coached hurting boys. I've watched men break. I've watched men heal. And I know what it feels like to believe you're alone when you're not. That is why I speak. Not because I have all the answers, but because I've walked through enough darkness to recognize it in other people.

Reach Out And Tell The Truth

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So if you're listening to this today and you're struggling, hear me clearly. You don't have to carry it all alone. You don't have to pretend. You don't have to perform. You don't have to suffer in silence. The strongest thing you may do this week is have an honest conversation. So reach out. Ask for help. Tell somebody the truth. Because healing starts with honesty, and honesty takes courage. Men's mental health isn't about weakness, it's about awareness. It's about purpose. It's about accountability. It's about becoming the man God created you to be. So, if anyone hasn't told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You are awesome. You are amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier. You get stronger. Y'all have a blessed weekend. Bye-bye.

Love, Hope, And How To Stay Connected

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Oh, and happy Juneteenth.

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Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And for daily, motivational, and up-to-date content, follow us on Facebook and Instagram at ExcellenceAbove Talent. And remember, keep moving forward, never give up, and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.