Ep 227: Parenting Without Panic: Why Your Kids Will Be Fine, with Dr Michael Milobsky

Why do so many parents feel overwhelmed right now? In this conversation, I talk with pediatrician Dr. Michael Milobsky about why modern parenting feels so anxiety-provoking — from social media and information overload to the pressure to optimize every part of childhood. We discuss what kids actually need from us, why temperament matters more than parenting hacks, and how parents can stop comparing, trust themselves more, and focus on connection over perfection. This is a thoughtful, reassuring conversation about raising kids with more confidence and less fear.

To learn more from Dr Milobsky, check out his podcast: Your Child Will be Fine, and his instagram: @drmichaelmilobsky, and he also offers private consultations.

Your Child is Normal is the trusted podcast for parents, pediatricians, and child health experts who want smart, nuanced conversations about raising healthy, resilient kids. Hosted by Dr. Jessica Hochman — a board-certified practicing pediatrician — the show combines evidence-based medicine, expert interviews, and real-world parenting advice to help listeners navigate everything from sleep struggles to mental health, nutrition, screen time, and more.

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YouTube channel: Ask Dr Jessica

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Transcript

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Welcome back to your child as normal. I'm your host. Dr Jessica Hochman, so we're living in a time where parents have more access to information than ever. Before. You can Google anything, read about anything, get advice instantly, and yet, paradoxically, many parents feel more overwhelmed and less confident than ever. Today, I'm joined by Dr Michael malowski. He's a pediatrician, a podcast host and content creator whose message I really connect with. His podcast is called your kids will be fine. In this conversation, we talk about why parenting feels so hard in this moment, from social media and information overload to the pressure to get everything exactly right. We also get into topics like feeding school pressure your child's unique personality and why there's often a lot more wiggle room and parenting than we think. And one of my favorite takeaways from our conversation is this, kids don't need perfect parents. They need grounded parents, parents who show up stay connected and trust themselves a little more. And if you haven't done so yet, I would greatly appreciate a five star review for this podcast. More reviews draws more attention to your child as normal, which in turn, really helps this podcast continue to grow. Now onto my conversation with the phenomenal pediatrician, Dr Michael malopski, Dr malowski, I'm so happy to have you on as a guest. Really, really looking forward to this amazing I'm thrilled to be here. Thanks, Jessica. So I have to admit, I've been listening to a lot of your podcasts. I've been watching your Instagram, and we have so much in common. So much of our philosophy around parenting and pediatrics is very similar, and it's nice to meet someone who is like minded, yeah, in pediatrics, it's nice to find people who are fully aligned on all these levels. It's rare. My podcast title is your child is normal, and your podcast title is your kids will be fine. Yeah, exactly. A lot of overlap. Probably anxiety is one of the biggest issues in parenting in 2026 I think it becomes a massive roadblock and obstacle, because people are so overloaded that they never feel comfortable or confident about what decision they're making, because there's always information coming in to make them doubt themselves, and people have no self trust anymore. And I think that is, I think what we're both trying to combat, I say all the time, parents need to lean into their own parenting instinct more and more. If we did that, more, everybody would feel better, and the kids would be better off for it. I agree. I agree. Look, we can all agree that parents in the 70s probably were a little bit further than they should be. The pendulum was all the way on the side of Yeah, I don't need to know what you're doing or where you are, ever, ever, ever, and the problem is, it's sort of swung way far to the other side. So we probably need to come back more towards the middle. I can get behind that. I agree. I work with my dad, and he notices that the younger patients have fewer questions, and the older patients tend to have more and more questions, and there's some sweet spot to be had, sure. Well, the younger patients are all consulting AI for 90% of their questions. Okay, so before we get into your parenting philosophy, I'd love to learn more about you. So can you tell everybody about yourself? What got you into pediatrics? How many kids you have, which I think is a really fascinating stat. Personally as a mama, sure. So I grew up on the East Coast, in suburban Washington, DC. I went to college in Philadelphia, and I did med school residency and fellowship in Baltimore, where I met my wife, first year of med school, when I finished my pediatric residency. We had just had our first child, who is now 30, and during pediatric residency, we had two more kids. We had three boys under the age of four. After initiating a fellowship, we started deciding on where I was going to have my first job. So we moved to Denver, Colorado in January of 2000 and so we're going to do on a trial basis. So the trial run is currently in its 25th year in Denver, and I started my career in a practice 15 years as a full time pediatric emergency hospital Critical Care Specialist in the hospitals around Metro Denver. And we added four more kids to our family. We had our four daughters in Denver, so we have seven children total. And then 15 years ago, I opened up my primary care practice that's pediatrics at The Meadows. And not long after that, we started our concierge that started as an urgent care practice that's chicken soup pediatric concierge care. And over the pandemic, it became clear that mental health began to overwhelm the practice, and so we had to open up by actually a separate mental health clinic so we could, we could manage the practice and the mental health, and that's the way center and we do adolescent mental health and addiction. So those are kind of where we are now. We now have four grandchildren and only two left at home. We have another child getting married this summer. Our first daughter, oldest daughter, is getting married this summer. So we're well on the way to that side of parenting, for sure. So it sounds like you have a lot going on in your life, a lot of wonderful things going on in your life, between your family, your work, your urgent care. You have a podcast. You have a very big Instagram and Tiktok account. Podcast, a lot to keep you busy. See, yeah, yeah, it's a lot. Just, you know, in the social media part has really shown up in the last year. I mean, I'm sure you follow my account. I had a big health challenge and had my left leg amputated below the knee this past summer. But now, thank God, I'm back to being as fully healthy as I've been in the longest time, and really leaning into the content creation, reaching more people that way, the podcast, social media and the concierge practice, for sure, it's wonderful. I'm really happy for you that your health is okay and doing well. Thank God. It was the best thing I ever should have done it two years ago. And I'm curious. I know that the title of the podcast is pretty self explanatory, your kids will be fine. But how did you come up with this title? You know, one of the biggest issues and and things I said coming up in my own parenting journey. You know, my first kid was born in 96 our seventh kid was born in 2010 my own parenting journey is, I see that we are now so entwined with information overload, and that has created this constant sense of us uneasiness and uncertainty and disconnection with our own parenting and and I see it reflected in more and more of my interactions with people are literally paralyzed with their own self doubt and their own anxiety, and that is now being passed on to their children, and this constant sense that we're getting it wrong and what's going to be and that I Can't get it right. I see all this information coming at me, and why can't it be that way? And I think it's harming our kids, this constant sense of of hyper involvement, hyper entwinement, overwhelming anxiety. And people just need to know that if you step back, your kids will be fine, and you just have to lean into who you are, being the best version of yourself, tuning out more noise, trusting yourself more, and that's where the idea of the podcast came from. And why do you think we live in this age of parental overwhelm? I mean, I know the obvious answer is the internet, social media. Do you think that's it, or do you think there's more to the story? I think it's two things. One is we're much more mobile. I live in Denver, Colorado, the vast majority of my families and my practice is pretty big aren't from here and live far away from their family. Of connections, I think, more and more that's becoming common. So we're more disconnected from our family, who has traditionally been part of our parenting village, as it were, and the fact that it's inescapable that our lives and how we think and how we judge what we're doing in others is entwined with social media and information overload. So I think it's those two things I completely agree with you. It's like you don't have your parent living nearby, in many cases, to ask them for questions, to ask them for advice. So you go to the easiest thing, you just search for it online, right? Mommy groups on Facebook and Instagram. And so I think there's more people, thankfully, that are providing a more balanced and rational view on Instagram, but it's overwhelmed, I think, by the influencer, I think part of Instagram and and I think people don't know where to turn the people having a harder time sourcing what information is real and valid and what information isn't, and it's overwhelming. I agree with that. And I also think a piece of this fear comes from the fact that click bait cells, fear cells, if something scares you, you're more likely to get eyes on it, to click it. And I think that's driving up a lot of parental anxiety as well. I think, well, that's how, you know, people fail to recognize that's how we're wired. You know, our brains are wired to focus on the negative, because that used to protect us, but in today's day and age, that just overwhelms us. And I have to admit, there's a lot of social media that I don't like, but also you can find good information, like your account, for example, you can be a nice, calming source. You can't. I mean, it's out there. You just have to, but you have to filter through it. And I think our brains, with scrolling, get dragged more to the click bait, the negative and the fear based stuff, because that's how we're wired. It's harder to find it's harder to filter out. So do you have any advice for parents to have more of a discerning eye when it comes to finding quality content on social media. One is, I think engage less, and that's easy to say and harder to do. I like that. So engage less. I think people have to get more in touch with their own who they are, in their own instincts, because so much of what actually shows up as effective, warm and connected parenting you already know, and it's overwhelmed by what you think you don't know. So I think that's part of it, the biggest part of the journey, and for me personally, has been just getting in touch with me, you know, healing old wounds, understanding why I react instead of respond, and just being the best version of myself, and that has had huge impact. And it's never too late, even when your kids are older, when your kids see that it's authentic and it's genuine and it and it works. So that has, I think are the most important things to focus on. I think it's a really nice point. Bring up, because I do find that a lot of parents feel like they can't say sorry. They have to be an image of perfection for their kids. But I do think as a parent, if you show up with honesty, with sensitivity and vulnerability, I think you end up being closer because of it 100% I think what you're modeling for your kids something that you want them to be able to do, right and we're not perfect. No one is. And we all listen, all of our parents got it wrong sometimes, and we all get it wrong, but to be able to lean into it and embrace it and be vulnerable about about it and keep showing up, that sends a hugely powerful message to your kid, way more than any parenting hack or any script that an influencer gives you to deal with your toddler, any of those things. So I have to tell you one thing that I really appreciate about your social media information is that you're not black and white. You're very forgiving on the advice you give. So you sleep train, or you don't sleep train. You start with solids at six months, or you don't start with solids at six months. There's wiggle room there, there's nuance there, which I think is honest and real life. So it is raising kids is in a black and white endeavor, and every kid is different. You know, every kid is like a Rubik's cube to solve. This week alone, I think I had half a dozen parents come pulling their hair out about their kids in their relationship to solids and foods, because there's two kinds of babies in the world that that some one group of babies, you introduce them to food, they act like they were a fish thrown into water. And where's this been my whole life? And it's, it's, it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. You have this whole other group of babies who, for absolutely no reason you put food in their mouth, and they act like you're putting battery acid in their mouth, and they hate it. And it's a whole process, and it causes so much stress and anxiety and and so parents being able to recognize that these are just two different normal types of people they need. They each need a different approach. You can't have one approach that works for every kid in every phase for every stage, and you have to be able to have forgiveness and grace for yourself and wiggle room and not dogmatic, because raising kids is not a fixed box. And listen, we can accuse our boomer parents that that's how they raise kids, and that's true, and some of it was okay, and now we know better. Now we can improve on it. To your point, I always say the line kids either eat to live or they live to eat exactly the two kinds. Those are the two kinds of kids in the world. 100% very few things create more stress, anxiety and hyper fixation in the parents than eating and sleeping. I completely agree pooping. I think pooping is the third and I tell people there's you can't make any sentient human, human being at any at any age. You can't make anybody eat anything. You cannot make anybody fall asleep at a particular time, and you cannot make anybody poop. You have to have buy in and on all three of those things. So all you can do is provide structure and opportunity. That's it. It's all you can do, structure and opportunity. There's a friend of mine, Dr Scott Cohen. He actually wrote a book called Eat, sleep and poop. Oh, yeah, that's a great title, because the three essential parts of being a human being that no one else can control. That's that's actually a really interesting point. It's true, and I lose that on anybody. You can't. I mean, you can set it up, and you can make you provide your diet. You can provide dietary choices, and you can provide access, you can all these things. You can just provide it. And ultimately, it's up to the human being, whether that's a three month old, a six month old or one year old, or a five year old, or whatever. To do it, yes, and I'm just curious your thoughts on this, because when it comes to feeding and the stress around feeding, I find it so interesting, because you know, if you look at adults, most of us have the opposite problem of not eating enough, right? Most of us have the issue where we've gained too much weight, and so I always find it curious that there's so much stress for parents around their kids and lack of eating Where do you think that comes from? I think people are very fixated on the growth chart. I think that that's how that it becomes a referendum on whether I'm a good parent or a bad parent or and parenting the public sphere, and feeling judged. And I think people are so hyper focused on that once but once again, because of the digital, social media culture. I think that's part of it. And two, I think people are so hyper focused on Well, if I he doesn't eat, he won't grow and he won't be tall enough, he won't be smart enough, and all of those things, I think, inhabit that hyper, anxious space that too many parents live in. Yes, I have to admit, I think a lot of it for me came from my my mom. My mom has a lot of stress around not seeing her kids eat and not, yes, not eating enough. Will that? Will it make them wake up at night? Will they go to bed hungry? And, God forbid. It's never happened, right, right, right? I mean, that's what's so interesting, is that we live in a land of surplus, and kids aren't starving. I mean, by and large, most kids are healthy, and we know eventually they're going to eat. So it's, it is definitely a curious 100% parents create stories and scenarios in our head, and then the anxiety part starts to kick off, and then we react. And so one of one of my biggest tools for that, and once again, eating being part of it, I always remind people that, once gets hit the toddler years, appetites change. Their connection to food changes. You know, they'll eat a couple meals a week that you can see them eat, and they all do fine, right? And I'll hear like common themes, oh, my kid doesn't they don't eat meat. That's a really common one. Toddlers don't eat meat. And I have listen, I always have, once again, you talk about balance, but yet, iron is by far the most essential nutrient that kids need during their toddler years because of how much iron your brain requires to make more brains and to balance your melatonin in your sleep cycle. So you know it. And the other thing is around that you said, Yes, toddlers don't eat meat and they're reactive, and yet, also, parents have such intolerance for their own children's discomfort that they over accommodate. That's a normal reaction, but they over accommodate how well, if at least he's drinking enough milk, or if he drinks milk all the time, I feel better just that's reactive. And then your kid ends up drinking 28 ounces to 45 ounces of milk a day, and they become iron more iron deficient, and then it sets the whole thing off even more. And it's true. I myself, I notice when my kids eat vegetables, the happiness that it brings me, it doesn't make sense, the joy in such a good mood. Wow, right, right. Yeah, you finished the broccoli serving I gave you, the day is a good day, and it doesn't make intuitive sense, but no, but I think we can all acknowledge where that comes from. It makes us feel like good parents. We are doing a good job, because my kid did X or Y or Z and as Russell Barkley, who's my favorite voice in this space is fond of saying that your child is born with 400 personality traits that will emerge as they age. They are not a blank slate that you get to write on, and they are just who they are, and they have nothing to do with you. All you can do is show up and provide a nurturing space for those things to show up. And so when your kid performs like eating the kale, or, Oh, he was nice to the other kid in the sandbox, whatever that is, I'm doing this right. And I right. You have to maybe separate from that a little bit more. No, absolutely. And I take a step back, and I think about all the junk food I had as a kid and all the fast food I consumed and right? I mean, it doesn't matter, and I'm fine, yes, and I wasn't, by the way, and I was not breastfed. Well, that's why you're a pediatrician and not an orthopedist, Dr Hochman. That's the There you go. That's where it came out. That's where it came out. I'm gonna have to complain to my mom, yes, yes, no. And I love how you shine a light on the fact that we as parents, as much as we like to think, that we have a role in how our kids turn out. They really are who they are. Wouldn't you say, correct? That's another Russell Barkley ism is that you're a shepherd and not an engineer. All you're responsible for is providing the field, you know, for your sheep, for the sheep to graze in. You know, that's a nurturing space, a present space, a healthy space, where they have access to a normal amount of stimulation and reasonably nutritious food and and a bed to sleep in and a roof over the head. That's the field that you can provide, but outside of that, you have very little to do with who they become after they're born. So if I show my kids flashcards with history facts or addition or multiplication Mandarin, well, I mean, look, we all agree that children need a basic amount of stimulation, yes, beyond the basic normal amount, which is, well, the problem with this the social media is that everybody wants you to tell Well, what is that? What exactly is that? Well, you're around, you're loving, you're warm, you read to your kids. We all acknowledge reading to your kids, but the diminishing returns beyond that are huge. There's there isn't much more beyond that that you get. So yeah, showing your kids flash cards in Mandarin and getting them to repeat Shakespearean sonnets or flooding them with Mozart every free moment they're not engaged doesn't. Do anything and it beyond what you're already doing. I totally agree with that. I my husband, I are both physicians, and we are not of the theatrical type. Yeah, and my third daughter, all she does if I leave her alone, she's in her own room singing songs. That's not you guys, your husband, aren't, aren't, aren't doing the Hamilton together. You're not doing No. And it's amazing, actually. I mean, I look at her in awe, because I wonder, Where did she come from? You know, she's yesterday, singing songs from the play Annie, all by herself with lots of emotion. And I had nothing to do with that. I don't think. I mean, I know I'm her mom, but she is who she is exactly, and giving them the space to do that, and recognizing that covers so many places, who they are right from the beginning, how organized they are, how temperamental and sensitive they are to their environment, how they eat, how they sleep, that's all part of the software. And then all that then unfolds and opens into other elements of the personality. They're just present and are going to show up and being just being able to hold space for that as a parent and receive it and respond into terms of what, because not every kid needs the same thing from you in the same way. At the same time, one of my kids needed to be attached in starting it up six weeks because that's how this kid regulated and couldn't function out of their way. And some of my kids, you could leave next to the furnace, and that was it. Like everyone is complete, not that I left them next to the furnace. I'm just saying right, but it's as you say, that I'm thinking I had one thumb sucker, one kid who needed to be swaddled, one kid who wanted a pacifier, and one kid who wanted none of it, right, and didn't need anything, every one of those things is okay because you're responding to, well, my other kids didn't get that, so I'm just going to do it this way. That's that. That's kind of how our grandparents and our parents did it and and, yeah, there's some merits to understanding that, hey, this is how we do things. But we now understand that it's okay to actually give each kid what they need, and they all don't need the same things. And I think this is so helpful, just for parents that worry they're not doing enough, that as long as you show up for your kids, you give them the feeling of love and security, they're going to be who they're going to be, and they'll make you proud, and they're going to be fine. Yeah, they're gonna be fine. And that was the post I put up yesterday, because I was having this discussion with the family. And you know, when all seven of my kids are home now, which doesn't happen often, you can't interact with any of them and figure out, well, this one was breastfed until he was three, and this one slept in our bed till he was two. And this this one, this one only ate french fries for a year, and this gets hard. You can't tell the difference by interacting with them. I think if I was with them, maybe I could tell. Maybe it would come out. But I mean just casual interactions, hard to tell from the personality. No, no, yeah. My brother in law says the line that I like a lot, he says, as parents, our job is to provide two things, high support and high expectations. I think that's true. I think there's nothing wrong with having expectations, as long as it's not this oppressive and punitive type of and that and that and that compliance and performance are not conditional or transactional. Things that generate love, like warmth and closeness, should be completely disconnected from expectations. I think that is a really, really important point to remind parents, because we can easily get caught up. Especially, I think I don't know what you think, but especially, I think it's really easy to compare your kid to the neighbor's kid to the other kid at school. The comparison game, I think, is tricky for parents. Like I had a parent this week who was concerned because her child was not not doing as well as the other kids in math. However, when you talk to this mother, her child is brilliant when it comes to drawing and art skills and has the lead in the school play. And I think you just want to follow their gifts. And if you lean into their gifts, that will make you feel better, that will make your child feel better, the end result will be what needs to happen. Yeah, there was a concept that I intuitively understood, but was introduced to as a concept by Michael McLeod, who's an amazing guy in the ADHD space. Shout out to Michael McLeod, by the way, by the way, this is a huge resource, the executive function playbook. It's actually on my desk. But the way he articulated it, it was so intuitive when I heard it, because so many people already do this. But children, to your point, need a third place, meaning School is a place and Home is a place. But all kids need to thrive in a third place, and that's a place where they are building an identity away from their parents and away from just grades. That is mostly a place where their uniqueness and their strength. Strengths and who they are are celebrated and elevated, whether that's a theater, whether that's summer camp or it could be your grandparents house, it could be your theater, or scouts or team sports. For me, it was team sports, but it doesn't have to be. Is the point? It can be any of those things. But when you said that, this parent didn't, was hyper focused on her child's math grade, but yet this child did all these other amazing things. All kids need a place where they can express that and bring that out in themselves, where they can feel that. Because, you know, grades are grades. At my house, we have. I grew up in a house where grades compliance and performance equaled love and affection and creating a very different environment, my own home, around the fact that grades are grades. They have nothing to do with who you are and why and what we think of you and and what's going to happen that everyone it's not about grades are not life, and so you have to it took intentionality to do that, because that's not how I was raised, and I think more and more people are realizing that. Yeah, I think people are coming to that, but it's hard, especially in hyper competitive, highly educated communities where there's this sense of, you know, what school your college, your child gets into, is the sum total of who you are as a parent. So I'm curious. I find it so interesting that you opened up a mental health clinic in addition to your pediatric practice. Do you have any general advice for parents who tend to be more of the worriers? What is your approach to families that lean more high anxiety? So what I've seen that is that a lot of the parents who are high anxiety are not tuned in to their own anxiety, and then that presents as micro management and hyper helicoptering their own kids, and that is stifling their own children's mental and emotional development, their sense of competence and independence, being able To to fail and learn from it, and their children's own growth mindset that any kind of an ability is trainable like this is not who I am, is not fixed. I can always learn and grow and get better at anything I choose to. And anxiety puts a heavy weight on all of those things, parental anxiety and I and trying to tune people in and make them aware of that, is a real part of my task in the meant in mental health, because I think most a lot of parents are blind to it. They just think that they're being good parents by this, that it's helpful and protective. Yes, exactly right. I agree that a little bit of a protective instinct, I think is a great thing. Sure, there's nothing, there's nothing wrong with but, but I'm sure you're, you read, have read Jonathan height, you know, recently anxious generation. Then, of course, before that, it was the coddling of but this culture of safety ism has crept way too far. Yes, parents have to provide a reasonable amount of security and oversight that's developmentally and age appropriate, but we also have to be able to allow certain amount of in a safe way, risk and failure. I completely agree, if you keep them from going out into life and trying a little bit of risk right in the end, it doesn't serve them well that, and once again, that third space can often be a safe place to then experience those things, to put yourself out there and fall short, but then it's okay, because no one hates you or judges you for it, then you can show up and try again and build skills. That's where that that's such a critical element that, you know, when we live in more disconnected societies and hyper managed parenting and hyper scheduled lifestyles, that gets lost. Do you ever feel like there are, are there, and I agree with you. I think on the whole parents, we do our kids a disservice by being too restrictive. We should, in their best interests. Really try to let them be free and explore on their own without us always around and hyper, managing their schedules and who they're with and what they do. But are there certain situations where you think parents are in the right to be more protective? Sure? I mean, I think let's take examples that are coming more and more in schools. I think bullying, it's very sensitive topic for me, because I experienced it relentlessly, and it was really I didn't feel supported or protected, I felt dismissed. And so having one of my kids experience it was very triggering for me, having to kind of explore that for myself. But that's a great example of where, yeah, a parent needs to show up and advocate and sometimes come to their kids side and aid and speak up for them, because bullying is so toxic and kids become so dysregulated and they can't speak up, especially now that bullying can occur now 24 hours a day, you know, right? I like that. You said that because bullying can be so insidious. Is sometimes you have no idea, right, as a parent, when they should be speaking up for themselves and learning that lesson. Yeah. I mean, listen, bullying is one of the things where you want to teach your kid to speak up for themselves and not be a target, but at the same time, you have to be an advocate and engage the resources where your kid is that it shouldn't be tolerated. So your kid has to feel that you are on their side, absolutely. And is this a good example? But a bad example is never letting your kid out of your sight, even at age and development appropriate ways, because you're worried they're going to be abducted by a child predator, which is at this point, very, very unlikely, less than you're likely you're getting hit by lightning at the park. So you have to balance those two things. Yes. Dr, Peter Gray, who I've had on the podcast before, he talks about how take out family dynamics that might cause some strain. The odds of your child getting kidnapped, as you said, the odds are higher that they'll be struck by lightning. It is. It is so unlikely is to be something that we really shouldn't be spending a lot of time on anymore. There's way worse in the 70s and 80s like that was a it was an actual, legitimate concern. It just your kid is way more in danger in online that's where predators are looking and finding your kid not looking to throw them in a van at the park. Not that it never happens. We can't say it ever, never, ever happens, but from a risk assessment standpoint, they're way more at risk from predators online, right? I would say that's where I as a parent am the most protective. Yeah, I think I am pretty relaxed when it comes to what they're eating, who they're with, where they go, but online, my mama bear does come out, and that's appropriate. I want every parent to read anxious generation. I think it provides a paradigm for how we should all be approaching this topic, with our kids starting very early on, and how the school system should also be aligning with parents on this topic as well. Yes, I'm such a big fan of his that I went to go hear him speak maybe a year ago, and I I really think the message that he relays that really hits home to me is that we as parents really need to be less protective in the real world and more protective on the online world. Correct? That's where we should be exercising the most guardrails. So in addition to your philosophy about your kids, will be fine. Are there any other overarching parenting philosophies that you impart frequently to your patients? Yeah, and a lot of this I didn't learn in residency or medical school. I learned it through my own parenting journey and my own challenges. But one is that I don't give my kids a lecture or engage them in anything unless I'm prepared or I'm already modeling or working on that behavior in front of them. Hey, put your phone down more. Hey, you should exercise more. Hey, you should exercise more. Hey, you should take care of yourself. Should eat better. Those are things that I make sure that I myself fully engaged in and integrating in front of them. And that second one is, I think that in general, there's no parenting hacks or that parenting any this parenting style versus that parenting style. In order to be the best parent for your child, you have to be the best version of yourself. And kids are all here to teach us something about ourselves that we need to learn. All of us carry wounds from our own childhood that come out in reactivity when we're triggered by certain things in our kids, and until we're able to really look into those ourselves for ourselves and then bring that into how we show up as a parent. That's how you be the best parent, period, regardless of any any technique or hack or parenting style. No, thank you for that. It's so hard because all of this also takes time. And I think when you're a parent and you're in it with your kids, and you're thinking, How do I make the time for the gym, and how do I make the time to read the book that I need to read? Yeah, it's, how do I get enough stuff if I want to be the best version of myself, right? I think you can always try. Well, it's not about perfection. It's about showing up. Yes, the one line that I like is, your kids want your presence, not your presence. Yeah, that's what they want. They want you to be there, right? And you keep showing up, and you're gonna make mistakes, and you're and then being curious about where that came from, acknowledging it and then working on it and then showing up again. This was such a thoughtful and reassuring conversation, and this was only part one. Next week, you'll hear part two, where we shift gears and talk about boys and whether normal behavior is being labeled as a problem too quickly. So see you next week for part two. Thank you for listening, and I hope you enjoyed this week's episode of your child is normal. Also, if you could take a moment and leave a five star review, wherever it is you listen to podcasts, I would greatly appreciate it. It really makes a difference to help this podcast grow. You can also follow me on Instagram at ask Dr Jessica.