44 | 3 Reasons Waiting for Them to Change Will Keep You Stuck (and What to Do Instead)

Have you begged, hinted, or even exploded trying to get someone to finally change — and nothing worked? The cycle is exhausting. You explain, plead, repeat yourself, and still end up feeling invisible, unheard, and stuck.

Here’s the truth: waiting for them to change is the fastest way to lose yourself. Every time you put your peace on hold until they “get it together,” you’re breaking trust with the one person who actually can change your life — you.

In this episode, I’ll share 3 reasons waiting for others to change will always keep you stuck — and what to do instead:

• Why boundaries aren’t punishments (and how they actually protect your peace)
• How grieving what they can’t give frees you from fantasy and makes space for clarity
• Why self-trust builds stronger relationships than carrying everyone else’s emotions ever will

You don’t have to keep betraying yourself to keep the peace. Healthy boundaries and grounded values aren’t losses — they’re freedom.

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🎶 Instrumental Acoustic Guitar Music by Viacheslav Starostin (original_soundtrack),

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I N S T A G R A M - @lisamcovert

Transcript

If you’ve begged, hinted, or even exploded just to get someone to finally change — and nothing worked — this episode is for you.

You know the cycle. You think, “Maybe if I explain it better… maybe if I share how much it hurts… maybe then they’ll get it.” And when they don’t, the frustration builds, and you feel invisible, unheard, maybe even crazy for caring so much.

Here’s the truth: waiting on someone else to change is the fastest way to drain yourself. Every time you put your peace on hold until they “get it together,” you’re breaking trust with the one person who actually can do something about it — yourself.

Here’s where so many of us get tripped up: we set boundaries like they’re a secret code. We think, “If I say it this way, maybe he’ll finally understand. If I’m clear enough, maybe they’ll finally change.”

So you lay down the boundary… and when they don’t follow it, it feels like you failed. You start second-guessing: “Was I too harsh? Should I have explained it better? Maybe boundaries don’t even work.”

But let’s be honest — boundaries were never designed to control someone else. That’s not their job. Boundaries exist to protect your values, your energy, and your peace.

Think about it this way: a fence around your yard doesn’t control your neighbor. It doesn’t stop him from blasting music or leaving his trash cans out. The fence is there to mark what belongs to you, what you’re responsible for, and where your “no” starts.

It’s the same in relationships. A boundary says, “I won’t argue past this point.” Or, “I won’t carry this responsibility that isn’t mine.” It’s not about punishing them. It’s about protecting you.

And yes, here’s the hard part — when you hold that line, it might not get applause. In fact, sometimes it gets pushback. And that’s when the deeper fear creeps in: “If I stay true to my values, won’t I lose the relationship?”

Here’s the part no one wants to talk about — and the reason most of us stay stuck. We cling to the fantasy. We tell ourselves, “If I just say it differently, if I just explain it one more time, if I show them how much it hurts me… then they’ll change.”

So we keep rehearsing our lines in our heads. We beg. We hint. We explode. And when nothing changes, we feel more invisible, more frustrated, and more convinced that maybe it’s us. Maybe we’re asking too much.

But here’s the hard truth: sometimes the work isn’t convincing them. Sometimes the work is grieving what they can’t give.

Grieving isn’t weakness. It’s clarity. It’s the moment you stop fighting reality long enough to actually see it. And that clarity? It’s the doorway out of over-functioning.

Think about it. When you cling to the fantasy, you take on two jobs: yours and theirs. You start managing their moods, their responsibilities, their reactions — and calling it “keeping the peace.” But really, you’re carrying the weight of someone else’s growth. And no matter how hard you try, you can’t do their work for them.

And let’s flip the perspective for a second. Imagine someone trying to convince you to change before you’re ready. A partner who keeps pointing out everything you’re doing wrong. A child who begs you to ease up in a way that makes you feel cornered. Or think about it like a diet — no one wants to be nagged into it. You want to make the choice yourself. Sure, encouragement and support help, but constant convincing usually just makes you dig in deeper. The same is true for them. They need the space to come to their own decisions, not the pressure of carrying yours.

Grief is what lets you finally set that down. It’s what frees you to say, “This is what I need. This is what I value. And whether or not they change, I can live aligned with that.”

And yes, grieving is uncomfortable. It feels like loss — because it is. It’s the loss of the fantasy that one more conversation will magically fix everything. It’s letting go of the idea that if they just understood your pain, everything would be different.

But here’s the flip side: once you grieve, you stop draining yourself trying to pull life out of someone else. You stop betraying yourself to keep the fantasy alive. And you start to notice the good that is there — the places you do have influence, the parts of life that are worth pouring your energy into.

And here’s the thing no one tells you: grief doesn’t take away hope. Grief creates room for real hope — the kind built on truth, not illusion.

But I know the fear that bubbles up right here. It sounds like this: “If I stop carrying their emotions, won’t everything fall apart?”

That’s the question we’ll dive into after this short break.

Hey, can I just pause for a second and invite you to something that’s actually going to help?

If you’re listening to this, chances are your life feels… a little loud right now. You’ve got the never-ending to-do list, the mental tabs open, your brain running in survival mode—and you’re exhausted from holding it all together.

I’ve been there. Which is exactly why I created the Empowered Living 6-week course.

It’s your step-by-step reset to get out of overwhelm, reclaim your energy, and finally feel grounded and in control again. We’re talking practical tools, real mindset shifts, and a way to show up for your life without the burnout, the snapping at your people, or the constant frustration.

You don’t have to keep living stuck. I want to invite you to start your reset today at lisacovert.com/empoweredliving and click apply now. Go check it out—your peace is worth it.

Let’s go deeper.

Here’s the truth: carrying the weight of everyone else’s emotions doesn’t make you noble, it makes you resentful. It drains your energy, leaves you restless at night, and makes it nearly impossible to feel joy in the moments you actually want to enjoy.

And your body feels it too. You’ve probably heard the phrase, “the body keeps the score.” It’s true — stress doesn’t just live in your head, it shows up everywhere. The tension in your shoulders. The headaches that arrive after “holding it all together” too long. The tightness in your chest walking into another conflict. That’s your body waving a flag, saying: this weight isn’t yours to carry.

Now here’s where I know your brain goes: “But taking care of myself feels like a luxury. Like a spa day. Like something I’ll get to once everyone else’s needs are met.”

But it’s not a luxury. It’s survival. It’s alignment. And here’s why: your needs are tied directly to your values.

When you ignore your need for rest, you’re ignoring your value of presence. When you push down your need for connection, you’re betraying your value of intimacy and love. When you silence your need for space, you’re stepping over your value of peace.

So yes, your needs matter — not because they’re nice-to-have, but because they’re how you actually live in line with your values. And values are what let you go to bed at night feeling grounded instead of guilty.

This is why self-trust matters so much. When you stay grounded in your needs — and by extension, your values — you stop betraying yourself. And when you stop betraying yourself, something shifts. Clarity enters. Energy returns. You show up more present, more authentic, more you.

Because here’s the seed I want you to hold onto: real trust doesn’t come from micromanaging everyone else. Real trust comes when you choose alignment over approval. When you stop abandoning your needs and values just to keep the peace.

The people closest to you — your partner, your kids, your friends — they don’t actually need a fixer. They need the real you. And the real you shows up when you honor your needs and live out your values.

So let’s circle back. If you’re waiting for them to change, you’ll be waiting forever. But when you honor your values, your peace stops being something negotiable. It becomes the ground you stand on.

And I know — that takes courage. Because setting a boundary or grieving what isn’t there can feel like loss at first. But here’s the truth: it’s not loss, it’s freedom. It’s you choosing to stop living in reaction to everyone else and starting to live in alignment with yourself.

Healthy boundaries don’t push people away. They make space for honesty, for self-respect, for relationships built on truth instead of fantasy. That’s where real connection happens — not when you manage their moods, but when you finally stop betraying your own.

And here’s the hope I want you to leave with: you have a choice in all of this. You can keep carrying their weight and waiting for them to change, or you can choose to release what isn’t yours and build trust with yourself again. Even grief is a step worth taking, because grief clears the ground for something more real to grow. Grief is acceptance for the things you can not change.

And you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re wondering where to start, grab my free P.A.U.S.E. Guide — it’ll show you the 5 triggers that keep you in overwhelm, and the small shifts that break you free. You can grab it at lisacovert.com/triggers

And if you’re ready to go deeper, the Empowered Living course is where we practice this together, step by step — so you can stay grounded no matter what anyone else does. LisaCovert.com/EmpoweredLiving

Because your peace isn’t found in their change. It’s found in your choice.