54 | Boundaries vs. Walls: How to Protect Your Peace Without Isolating Yourself

You’ve built walls thinking they were boundaries — but deep down, you know they’re keeping you lonely, not safe.

In this episode of Overwhelmed to Empowered, we talk about the real difference between boundaries and walls, and why protecting your peace doesn’t mean isolating yourself.
If you’ve been saying “I’m fine” while secretly running on fumes, this episode is for you.

 You’ll learn how to spot emotional walls, how to create boundaries that restore peace (not guilt), and how to finally protect your energy without losing your heart.
 Let’s stop confusing distance for healing — and start creating boundaries that feel freeing, not fearful.

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I N S T A G R A M - @lisamcovert

Transcript

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Being present and seeing for real what is going on. Not from old files of information that's in your head of hurts, but really how things are.

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You just heard a clip from today's episode. Welcome to episode 54, Boundaries vs. Walls: How to Protect Your Peace Without Isolating Yourself.

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Hey, I am Lisa Covert. Welcome to the Overwhelmed to Empowered Podcast, where we stop pretending we are fine and start leading lives we are proud of. No more to-do list, no more burnout, just real talk, real tools, and the reset your heart has been asking for. Let's talk about it. Have you ever said, I'm just done? And meant it? You weren't trying to be dramatic. You were just tired. Tired of being misunderstood. Tired of explaining yourself, tired of giving more than you had. So you built a wall. Not out of anger, but out of protection. Because at some point, it felt like the only way to survive. That's when you stop replying right away. Whether it's by text or right in front of you. You keep things very surface level. You tell yourself, I'm fine, but you're not. You sit and do all the things, and you look at everyone else, all your loved ones, with resentment. And the first time they let you know that they're not grateful for something, inside you begin to brew. And it comes out little tones, size, body language. But here's the quiet truth. That wall doesn't just keep the hurt out, it keeps you in. Walls feel like safety when you're hurting. Boundaries feel like safety when you're healing. I always try to give the analogy. I live in a suburb and we have a fence. Well, what if we replace that fence with a wall? When it's a fence, that's a boundary. But yes, a neighbor could come over and start growing, I don't know, a garden in my backyard. And I can ask them to stop, but they can still keep doing it. A wall doesn't let anyone in or out. That fence, when it's a fence, you say that's where my no comes in. That's when I say, hey, I've told you a few times, I'm gonna have to call somebody to come in and handle this. I'm not gonna argue with you. I'm not gonna build a wall. But that's a boundary. I'm not gonna feel guilty. I'm not gonna panic over it. None of that. But when you put a wall, that's because you've learned to shut down because it worked. At least for a while, those walls do. You learned that if you stayed quiet, if you didn't rock the boat, if you said, I'm good, enough times the chaos would calm down, you'd let that neighbor just keep coming in your backyard and you deal with it. Right? You don't want to ruffle up the feathers. Is it that big of a deal? Or maybe the kids, other neighbors just coming in. It's okay. Right? It's okay to keep taking care of everyone else. That's what walls do. They give the illusion of peace. Now, when I gave the analogy of your backyard or my backyard, what if that's you? What if you build walls around you? It was the illusion that that brought you peace, but it's not real peace. It's just silence. Boundaries, on the other hand, create real peace. Even when they're uncomfortable, because they are at first. Let's put it this way: a wall says, I'm never letting you close enough to hurt me again. A boundary says, I love you. However, this behavior is not okay. And we will have to change things if you continue treating me that way. One isolates and the other restores. And I know for women like us, we're high functioning, we're high doing, it's ri we're responsible. We're always the strong one. Isolation can feel so much easier than honesty. It really can. Because honesty means you have to admit what you need. And needing something has never felt safe. Felt like it would come back. What are you gonna owe them because they helped you? What are they gonna need? Here's what I want you to remember. Boundaries aren't built to shut people out. They're built to let peace in. A boundary says I can love you and still choose myself. It's not about control. It's about clarity. Being present and seeing for real what is going on. Not from old files of information that's in your head hurts, but really how things are. It's not about rejection. It's about respect. Walls protect your pain. Boundaries protect your peace. When you say no from fear, that's a wall. When you say no from truth, it's a boundary. The difference isn't the action, it's the energy behind it. When you're telling somebody no that you can't help them out, it's coming from a place of a boundary. I had to learn that one, that saying no didn't have to come with guilt or all those regrets. It was because I learned how to pause before I reacted. Try it. When you're coming from that place and you have said no, or you're gonna say no, pause for a moment. I always do this, two breathes in. Breathe in for three or four, and breathe out for like six or seven. You pick your number, but the goal is breathe in less and breathe out more. Sometimes I do it when I'm washing my hands, something like that, because continually throughout the day, whoo, it will calm you. So once you do that, then you ask yourself, am I doing this out of fear or out of love? I recently had to tell someone no. Someone that legit needed help. And if you put it on the paper, yes, that person can't drive right now, they need help. But saying no didn't come from a fearful place, afraid that she would reject me or that she wouldn't find something else. No, I said it out of love. Because you know what would happen? I had an appointment that I just got, like the last one, and was thankful I got it before going away. And if I canceled that appointment, I would be so upset. If I had to wait for that appointment and wait till last minute to rush to come get and do the errand she asked me to do, I might be late for picking up my kids. I might feel, oh no, I'm late for her and I committed to her and I couldn't help her out. So I was coming from a loving place for her and for me. That the answer is no, I can't. And then I'd ask myself, does it bring me closer to peace or farther from connection? I want to connect with me. I don't want to just connect with someone else that I'm helping out with. I want to connect with me. I want to hear and pay attention. Is my body telling me something? Listen. And saying no did bring me more peace. I don't want to run and add another errand when I was already kind of on a tight schedule. I don't want to add that extra thing and take something fun and bring it into stress. And it does connect with me more. I can leisurely go from one place to this, pick up my kids from school. And does this help me stay honest or just keep me hidden? And yes, it was honest for me. But I want to I want you to ask yourself those questions. If your body's feeling tight, heavy, defensiveness, that's a wall. If your breath feels lighter, you feel calmer, feel grounded, feel that peace come over your body and maybe even your thoughts, that's a boundary. So before you shut down, before you ghost someone, before you say yes just to keep the peace, stop. Ask yourself, what would peace choose right here, right now? Hey, can I just pause for a second and invite you to something that's actually going to help? If you're listening to this, chances are your life feels a little loud right now. You've got the never-ending to-do list, the mental tabs open, your brain running in survival mode, and you're exhausted from holding it all together. I've been there, which is exactly why I created the Empowered Living Six-Week group coaching program. It's your step-by-step reset to get out of overwhelm, reclaim your energy, and finally feel grounded and in control again. We're talking practical tools, real mindset shifts, and a way to show up for your life without the burnout, the snapping at your people, or the constant frustration. You don't have to keep living stuff. I want to invite you to start your reset today at LisaCovert.com and click Apply Now. Go check it out. Your peace is worth it. And let's be honest, you've been peacemaking, people pleasing for so long that setting a boundary feels mean. It's not mean. It's mature. It's wholly even. You're not responsible for managing everyone else's comfort. You are responsible for honoring your own clarity. If you're not becoming cold, you're becoming clear. Boundaries aren't selfish, they are sacred. When you protect your peace, you're not abandoning anyone. You're finally coming home to yourself. What are you showing your family by saying yes to everything? Or what are you showing at home when you say yes to everyone outside or all the commitments? If you want to show up as a great mom and there for your kids, and yet you're there more as a daughter, you need to decide on boundaries. Because it doesn't feel good to show up for someone else and push your boundaries away, give too much, and then come home and be literally either miserable or so tired and exhausted that you just want to say, I'm just done and actually mean it? I'm telling you, my friend, if you've been hiding behind a wall because you're afraid of being hurt again, I want you to know this. You don't have to keep living there. You can walk yourself out one honest, loving boundary at a time. Because the woman you're becoming doesn't need to defend her worth anymore. She doesn't need to earn it. She knows who she is. And she is finally learning that peace doesn't come from being untouchable. It comes from being authentic. It comes from being who she is. Walls kept you safe. Boundaries will set you free, help you fly. Ask yourself those questions before you make a decision. Am I doing this out of fear or out of love? Does this bring me closer to peace or farther from connection? Does this help me stay honest or just keep me hidden? And remember, you are meant to shine your light. And don't forget, if this episode hits something inside you, good. Because it means the wall is cracking. Let the light in. And don't forget to go to LisaCovert.comslash bootcamp. It is coming out and be the first ones to experience it. You can prepare to fly because you are meant to fly. And don't forget also, if you want to resource now, I have the five triggers guide that will really open up and see where things are going and things that are triggering you and maybe help you see and make some shifts now. And that you go to LisaCovert.com/slash triggers. And both of them again are at LisaCovert.com and you can just click above on one of the resources or the podcast or the boot camp and just go from there. Okay, well I hope you have a great day and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.

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Did you have fun with my mom? Or did you learn something from my mom? Then hit subscribe because we've got way more coming your way.

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If this episode made you pause, reflect, or even breathe a little deeper, would you do me a favor? Take 30 seconds and leave a quick review for the show. It helps more women who are stuck in the same overwhelm we've talked about today actually find this podcast. I'm not here for everyone, but I am here for the woman who's tired of holding it all together and ready to live a life that finally feels like her own. And hey, if you're feeling brave, take a screenshot of your comment and email it to me at Lisa at LisaCovert.com. Every month I do a little giveaway drawing for listeners who share or review the show. You never know, you might get something special. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being here, and most of all, thanks for choosing to keep showing up for you.