Richard Dodds  0:00  
Coming up later in the episode,

Mia Reid  0:02  
I have to constantly say to myself, you are not a superwoman because that label has been tacked on to me as if I can do it all and I don't get tired. And I have to say to myself, I do get tired, I cannot do it all. And so that we're lazy, equating lazy with being tired. That's something we need to break down and we need to erase. And

Richard Dodds  0:33  
this is still talking black, a show about giving perspective to issues that minorities face every day. I'm your host, Richard dyes. Today's show is all about mental health. Most times when I start working on a project, anxiety kicks in, no matter how good the content is, I find myself thinking that everything sucks. I started to hate my voice. I don't like the words I use or how they are pronounced. I sometimes start to criticize every aspect of whatever the project is I'm working on. I started to question if what I'm working on is good enough. If I'm good enough, no matter how many things I've created, that people loved. No matter how many people tell me I am or how many lessons I get. I always have moments of doubt. According to Wikipedia, imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern in which individuals doubt their skills, talents or accomplishments. It has persistent, internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. It is something that I've worked to overcome on various stages of my adult life. Oftentimes, these feelings don't make sense. Luckily, I have a very strong support system around me that when I'm feeling down, they do a good job of encouraging me, while also being honest, the honest portion is key for me, because it's important for me to understand that if they are telling me I did a good job, it's the way that they actually feel and not just encouragement. Always say having a good friend is like a mirror. They help you to see the things in you that are sometimes not easily visible while you're by yourself. Sometimes you will need a little more assistance from someone that has a professional understanding human behavior and how the mind works. Just like you will go to the doctor when you are physically sick or injured or you take your car to a mechanic if it breaks down. seeing a psychologist can help make sure that your mental health is where it needs to be. And if you are having issues, they're there to get your mind healthy, so that you can be the best version of yourself as possible. If you like what we're doing here are still talking black, the best way to show your support by liking, rating and sharing our content, buying merch from our store at still talking blog.com forward slash shop or donating using the link in the show description. Every little bit helps. Thank you for your continuing support.

Mia Reid  2:54  
Hello, my name is Mia Reed, and I am a licensed clinical mental health therapist. I have a practice located in Southfield Michigan.

Richard Dodds  3:07  
So what made you choose mental health?

Mia Reid  3:09  
I chose mental health. Because I was very excited. Several years ago, I found the courage to seek out help. I was dealing with grief and trauma. And as an African American, there is a huge stigma for seeking out mental health services. So once I found the courage to seek out that help, it worked for me. And I was just amazed. And the tools and strategies that I learned. I use those today. And so I wanted to share that with the community with other people, other parents that are grieving, or may even have experienced trauma. So I went back to school, got another Master's and clinical mental health counseling. And I opened a practice so that I can help the community.

Richard Dodds  4:13  
That's really that's really, that's really amazing. You think about something that impacted you so much that you wanted to share with other people. So you said the word stigma. That's very true. I feel like it's a stigma about talking about even just talking about mental health a lot of times but especially inside of the black community. Why do you think that stigma exists?

Mia Reid  4:34  
Well, it's the environment. So I call it a bubble. We learn from the people in our household. We learn from our friends, we learn from our community, we learn from our environment. And so when there's nobody in our household, no one in our community, or even sometimes our friends are seeking out help from others. And you may only hear well, you need to pray about it, if you have a problem, pray about it. And the Lord will guide you and help you. And I believe that. But I also believe that there's additional help that you can seek out. So once you get that knowledge, it's all about knowledge. There's a lot of things that are available to us. And we just don't have the knowledge. And so oftentimes, we miss out on those resources, because we don't have that knowledge. And fortunately, I had that knowledge. And because I had that knowledge, I found the courage to take advantage of it. That's a great answer in regards to mental health, having that information, having that knowledge and understanding that, and being able to take advantage of the resources that are available to us, so that we can successfully make those changes that we are able to

Richard Dodds  6:08  
offer thinking about when your body is sick, when your physical body is sick, even if you believe in prayer, you pray for your body, but you still go to the doctor. So why not? When something is wrong with your meta mental health, why not pray for your mental health, but also go see someone who can help help you guide you to that place where you need to be in order to get healthier mentally.

Mia Reid  6:30  
Absolutely. Once people make that connection. So when you have that stigma, even though there's a lot of people that want to, they actually want to, but because there's that stigma, they don't want to be seen as, quote unquote, crazy, because that is the stigma. That's the stigma that's carry with seeking out mental health counseling. And when you don't understand what is mental health counseling, because there are so many areas where you can receive help. And most people think about the very severe mental illnesses, such as bipolar or schizophrenia, but we have so many common mental health disorders such as depression, and anxiety and trauma. And so when they don't focus on the more common mental health disorders, then they shy away from seeking out help.

Richard Dodds  7:36  
You know, even even me I think about anxiety when I do my show, sometimes when I'm about to release it, it's like, I feel like oh, this is the worst thing ever. I kind of freak out like I do a freak out. And it's like, I'm knowing that that's, that's normal helps out a lot. So, aside from education, you think education is that the way that we get rid of the stigma to start talking about it more being having those uncomfortable conversations about what mental health is, and all of that?

Mia Reid  8:04  
Absolutely. awareness, awareness is the key. And kudos to social media, because we are trending now, with people seeking out help. People are talking about having a therapist, that's a common conversation now, you know, people look forward to seeing their therapist, they can have those conversations without the stigma. And so the more we do that, the more people hear that the more people that are surrounded in their environment, in their community in their household, because that is where it starts. When you have a parent or someone that you look up to, that says to you, it is okay to seek out help. That is giving you permission.

Richard Dodds  8:58  
Yeah, I like that. We are talking about it a lot more. And one of the other things that we've been talking about a lot more. And me as a black man, I struggled with this, and I heard her hear it a lot is self care. Yes, self care is something that we talk about a lot. And the best that I can do with self care, is trying to make sure that I'm not working non stop and bringing my work home with me after work. So how would you describe self care? And how do you find good ways to to make sure that you're taking care of yourself care? self care

Mia Reid  9:31  
is very difficult for many people, because there's another stigma. There's a stigma for women, to be that Superwoman, to be able to work, take care of home, to raise our children, to be able to do it all and always put ourselves last. And when we think about it, we're not thinking about our health. And we can't pour from an empty cup. So self care is stepping back and taking care of yourself. Also, when you're tired rest, it's that easy. And we don't oftentimes we just push forward and we push through until our body shuts us down. So the first, the first tip for self care, if you are tired, rest, the more you rest, the better you're going to feel. I think the more we do, and the more we push for, we start to resent the things that we're that we actually don't want to do. And we might even start to resent people. So we have to step back and say, What can we do for ourselves, even if it's going to the nail salon, even if it's getting your hair down, getting your hair done, or even putting your feet up and reading a book, spending an hour with you.

Richard Dodds  11:00  
And it's really hard even thinking about the stuff that I do, you know, I work my nine to five and try to have a social life and try to have a significant other and do the podcast and you know, right a little bit. All these things that you do you think about the black community, especially like our community is known for being hustlers, and being able to do all this stuff and like what's tired was sleep and, and that stuff, just I can speak from personal experience just being I've burned myself out like a candle down to the down to the core, and just haven't been able to do anything. And though the thing that I try to always remember is that, you know, if my battery's at 20%, the work that I could get done on that 20% battery, versus going back to take a nap to take a rest and take a break from them back up to 100. And tackling it that is gonna be more beneficial than trying to push my little 20% battery to zero.

Mia Reid  11:58  
Absolutely. I think oftentimes we equate being tired with lazy. And when we're not able to do something, or we don't want to do something, we hear that voice in our head that says you're being lazy and stead of saying you're tired, we have to listen for that voice that tells us we are tired and not wait until our body shuts down and makes us makes us sit down makes us that makes us rest we don't want to go there.

Richard Dodds  12:35  
Right that's that's usually when this is way too much. And you really have to sit down a lot longer when you get to that point I felt like and even if he was on a roll was something that those are times where I've got distracted and moved away from projects just because I burned myself out. And then I got to the point where my body said, No, you can't do anymore. By the time I recovered, I just couldn't start back over. And then plus that stigma gets attached to that thing you're working on. Because you burned yourself out, you had all these negative feelings. Now you've placed those negative feelings on a project. Now you don't even do the project anymore.

Mia Reid  13:09  
Absolutely. That's where the resentment comes in. I think listening to our bodies, when we are tired, rest, I think doing something that makes us feel good reading a book, if you're a reader, if you like reading, take some time for yourself, pick a book, pick those moments during the day that you're actually going to read. If you like exercising, taking walks, the things that make you feel good on the inside. Some people like cooking some people like dancing, whatever it is that makes you feel good. You have to try and incorporate that into your life.

Richard Dodds  13:52  
One of the things that I've talked about before is like whenever you're a part of an oppressed group, it's a weight that you carry, whether you're cognizant of it or not. And thinking about being a minority, whenever you go out. It's the first episode I ever did. And that was actually the beginning of this whole journey that I've been on. I did a speech and those calls because I'm black. And the thing about it is is that when you're black, a lot of times know if something negative happens to you, you have to check it up against if this is happening, because it's happening or is it happening as a part of me being black, that's just a weight that I felt like all of us carry all the press groups, but black people, especially especially with the news, media is always reinforced. What are some ways that we can try to lift those weights because I imagine having that kind of weight on your mind it's very, can be very detrimental.

Mia Reid  14:44  
It can and it can add to an increased amount of stress. I think in the back of my head as an African American woman, I have to constantly say to myself, you are not a superwoman because that label has been tacked on to me as if I can do it all and I don't get tired. And I have to say to myself, I do get tired, I cannot do it all. And so that we're lazy, equating lazy, with being tired, that's something we need to break down. And we need to erase and your circle, we have to make sure that we have people in our circle that are going to build us up and make us feel good about ourselves. And they're going to encourage us to rest. And they're going to encourage us to do something for ourselves, that makes us feel good, they're going to encourage that self care. So your circle is going to be a huge part of reducing that stigma, reducing that amount of guilt from resting that amount of guilt from taking time for yourself.

Richard Dodds  16:07  
And it's really hard like I know you, you get the female perspective of self care and being burnt out. But as a man watching my dad take care of the family and taking shifts that took him away from the family, you know, he was, sometimes he was at work when I was awake. And then by the time we were in the same place he was sleep because he had to go back to work one hour before I woke up and seeing him go to work sick. And all of those things. As a black man, I always have felt like, no matter how I'm feeling, no matter what's going on, I gotta just keep pushing, and I got to put everybody else in front of me. And, you know, I think what you said was very valid, you know, like, you can't fill anybody up if you're empty. And that you said it You made it sound so simple. And it really is as simple as like, if you're tired rest. But you feel like a lot of times you feel guilty. Yes, a guilt that comes with resting when you when you when you're so used to going and it's like what, how do I rest, like sometimes I don't even know how to relax, just because I'm not used to relax. And it's like, I have the people around me you talk about having a circle, I have my circle around me and my circle, they'll be like, Alright, you're starting to become a little bit of a workaholic, you work. You work your job, you do the podcast and you got a day off. Alright, what are you doing what your day off? You can't work on your podcast all day. You can't you can't do that you got to find something that that fulfills you. And it's easier for me to figure out how to help other people and then help myself? Absolutely. I think that's a lot of us. It is

Mia Reid  17:36  
you are correct. And that's where having that support from a therapist having that support from a counselor, we get those tools and strategies that help us relax, tools and strategies to be mindful so that we can enjoy the moment instead of thinking about what we need to do in the future, worrying about what we didn't do in the past. And just enjoying actually enjoying the moment we often hear that saying, take time and smell the roses. And it's true. We literally have to take time and enjoy the moment. And all of that work that you've put in. And you don't have time to enjoy it. What's the point?

Richard Dodds  18:32  
Yeah, I said always didn't want us like thinking about it. Now the way that life is going and looking at the people around us, especially, you know, African Americans. I've heard of people working their whole life hard, never taken a break, never taken a vacation, and then finally retired and then dying a week later. Like I was like, I do not want that to be me to where my mental and my physical was neglected, just so I could say that I worked every single day. And I didn't take the time to enjoy, spend time with my family and do things that I love to do. And then you know, out of here, you never know, the pandemic has shown us anything that you could be out of here in a blink of an eye even if you're healthy. So I know for me, that's been a that's been a big focus of mine.

Mia Reid  19:15  
We as African Americans must really concentrate on our stress levels. Because oftentimes, when we are ill, we don't understand that the amount of stress that we put on our mind that we put on our body. We fill it physically we fill it. And over time we're wondering why do we have high blood pressure? We're wondering why do I have a heart condition? Over time, that stress wears on our body parts. And eventually, like you said, once you retire and you're ready to enjoy Live, that body part has given out.

Richard Dodds  20:04  
And I hate to see it in our community. So I'm trying to make sure that I'm not someone that perpetuates that even away even the way that we joke sometimes, it'd be like you had a long day, what are you about to do, I'm about to go back to work. It's like, I can't even joke like that anymore. Just because it's perpetuating that unhealthy stereotype. Just, we weren't meant to be up 24 hours a day and drinking 15 rebels and never stopping. And there's nothing wrong with taking a break. And I'm really happy that the world seems like it's becoming more aware. But now I really need the black community to catch up as a whole, like, we all need to be aware, because a lot of times we carry a lot more than some of our other fellow human beings have to. Yeah, the holidays are like here, like we're in the middle. We're in the midst of the holidays, as we record this. And this is a time where a lot of people can sometimes get sad and depressed. And dealing with that kind of stuff. How what are some ways that we can deal with like seasonal depression, and especially around the holidays?

Mia Reid  21:08  
Well, I think people have to find the courage to say no, that's probably one of the hardest things to do. Because the guilt of letting your family members down, because you were not able to attend an event. And wanting we want to be with our family, because it makes us feel good. But sometimes we have to say no. And sometimes we have to decide when we've had enough. We may not be able to go and hang out and stay on night and, and come home at two or three in the morning. We may have to decide I'm going to attend for a few hours, then I'm going to go home, we have to know when enough is enough for us. And we have to be okay with not being okay. And we have to let our family No, you know, I'm really not feeling okay. And I think I'm going to stay home this holiday but check on me. Because it's always good for somebody to check on us.

Richard Dodds  22:20  
Yeah, I know some people get energy being around people. And I know some people really get drained being around people. It's funny because I am I'm almost like the opposite. Like usually when I'm around people, I get energy, but when I'm around family, I get drained really quickly. It's funny how that, you know tends to work. So that's something I have to monitor. But being around family is important. And just knowing where where the balance is because everything is balanced, right? We have to find that balance for us. Checking in on your friends and family is really, really important. So thinking about everything, how important is it to get like, I think of a doctor's checkup, you know, you get go get checked up once or twice a year, even if you know if anything is wrong, what do you think would be a good cadence of going to talk to somebody just to make sure that you're doing like a mental health checkup?

Mia Reid  23:15  
I think that just having a therapist, most people, when they think about a therapist or a counselor, they think you have to have something really major going on with you. But you don't, you can just go and and talk and vent. And the good thing is, is confidential. And you don't have to worry about anybody repeating it. You don't have to worry about anyone judging you, which is huge. And oftentimes we have things that are going on with us and we keep it inside because we don't want to be judged. And that's the perk of having a therapist, because it's a safe space. And you can talk about anything judgment free, and it's confidential. So having a therapist doesn't mean you have to have something major going on with you. It doesn't mean you have to have a mental illness. It could just mean having support from a non judgmental person that is going to be confidential.

Richard Dodds  24:26  
That's that's a good point. Because I feel like a lot of pushback will come back like well, you know, I got a lot of friends and I talked to them and I spill my heart to them. But the thing about your friends, your friends unless they are most of the time they're not gonna be trained professionals to be able to diagnose certain things and sometimes your friends might not want to hurt your feelings and tell you the truth. Like when you can't when it comes to professionals, they generally have to you have what is their responsibility to make sure that they know and that they are aware of things that are going on and sometimes friendships, you can't do that same thing.

Mia Reid  25:03  
Therapists are trained active listeners. And so it's one thing to listen to respond. And it's another thing to actively listen to understand. And that's the difference. So we as therapists, we do not fix anyone, that is not our job. Our job is to help our client to learn tools and strategies to resolve their own issue. And sometimes we can't see that issue, because we are our worst enemy. And so we are the barrier. And once you're talking to someone that has a skill set, and the issue that you're having, they can help you to actually see that issue. And they will work with you to resolve it on your own. And that's the amazing part of seeing a therapist is not that you go to a therapist so that they can fix you, you go to a therapist, so that they can help you resolve your own issue.

Richard Dodds  26:10  
Yeah, that is, that's like a almost like a Jedi mind trick. You know, it's like, Hey, I'm not here to give you the answers. I'm here to help you. I'm gonna guide you and assist you to find the answers. I don't have the answers for you. Yep,

Mia Reid  26:23  
that's exactly what it is.

Richard Dodds  26:25  
And I think is, is much needed. And just, you know, taking it just back to the black perspective, everything. So much news media, so much anxiety so much, you know, we kind of have built in anxiety just because we have to worry about different things happening to us that, you know, if we weren't minorities, we don't have to worry about those things that we have to think about that other other people do not have to think about. And it's kind of, you know, normal to not think about it for them. But it's like for us, it's always on our mind. I know, we were talking before before we started recording and talking about gun violence. And, you know, when it comes to minorities, like black people are more more likely to be killed by a gun. Yeah. You know, as a white person, you might not be walking around worrying about that, you know, yeah, growing up in Detroit, going into inner city schools, even though my schools were on a nicer and that's something that stills in the back of my mind. That anxiety, like what if I've seen people pull out guns and shoot shoot at other people and people getting shot, like, I literally seen that living in the city. So it's just that that anxiety. That's, that's why like, we have to have stigma, but that's the reason why we need to get past that stigma.

Mia Reid  27:48  
Absolutely. Gun violence is. So I'm gonna take a breath here, just because everything that you've just said, as a black man, it just resonates because people don't understand that gun violence is such a huge, huge ordeal for the black community. And every day, every day, 100 people die by gun violence every single day. And blacks are disproportionately impacted by gun violence and are 10 times more likely than whites to die by gun violence. And I know this to be true, because my child was taken by gun violence. And when I think about 100 people that died by gun violence every day, I know that June 26 2011, my child was one of those 100 people that died by gun violence. So this is a a huge, huge topic that definitely needs to be addressed. But we have to look further because we talked about the stress of your dad working. And you have to ask yourself, why was he working so much? And there is also a disparity with wages. And so maybe he was working more than one job or maybe he had to work enough just to make the amount of money that he needed in order to pay bills. And I bet if he didn't have to, he wouldn't. And there are so many people in the black community that are also working two and three. jobs just to make a living wage. So we have to ask ourselves, what is the foundation for gun violence and its poverty. So poverty is the culprit. And gun violence is the symptom.

Richard Dodds  30:16  
That's a lot. So, so many different things to unpack. You know, it's never, a lot of times I will say, especially in America, I can only speak for America because I'm American. A lot of times we will, we will cure like the symptom. So like, if you sneeze and we're, we're here to sneeze, but we won't hear the thing that's causing the sneeze. So many different things that goes into, like the gun violence and the poverty and all of that, and everybody's trying to find one, one pill to fix it, like, alright, affirmative action is gonna fix it, no foreign vaccines not gonna fix it, that's not the way to fix it. Because you think about, oh, we want to get more, you know, black people into colleges. So we're going to have a certain number of black people that we're going to put into a college like, that's great, but how about fixing the problem to where black people have equal access to great education so that, you know, they don't, they don't feel like, you know, you need a handout, like, because I kind of like for me, someone who was very educated when I went to school, even though I know that I had great grades going to school, you know, the back of my mind, it wasn't even not that I didn't feel like I belong there. It was, like, I was thinking that other people were looking at me thinking that I was there just because of affirmative action. Wow. So it's so many different and I mean, like you just keep you kind of keep reinforcing it with everything. And we talk about it so many different reasons why so many different things that black people deal with, as a culture that we need to get off of our chests. And we need to get off our minds and learn how to cope and deal because, you know, if you don't cope with something like yet, like mental stuff does manifest physically, and it does affect your body.

Mia Reid  31:59  
That is true. And there's a system, we know, we have systemic racism. And that system that was put in place many, many years ago still exists, even though we know things have gotten better, and then they have not. And that's basically what I see, yes, things have gotten better, and then they have not. And so until we break that system that has all of these barriers up, that prevents the progress that we truly need. We are going to continue to have these conversations, but we have to have these conversations, because the more we have these conversations, the more awareness that is brought.

Richard Dodds  32:47  
Yeah, and I think just talking about it, I think this is how we normalize it, having conversation to one another talk about you know, really even thinking about like, man, like, I wish we you know, we saw my child, especially black man as well as a child, you know, other than your, your father, your grandfather, you never say like, I love you to another man. You never say I love you to another man and thinking about how I've gotten older. And like, you know, my friends and stuff like that, you know, sometimes it's like, Hey, I love you. Oh, my gosh, I love you. And it's like, it's no getting past that. Oh, like, you can't say, but it's important to make sure that the people that you love you, you verbalize that sometimes, yes, even sometimes just hearing that can't help your day. And it's just so much that we have to get over and get through that. It's just, it's just a journey. It's just a journey. Our last my last episode that we just did, we had a roundtable and one of my guests she was talking about after the school shooting. She wanted to take her sister out of Parsons School because you know, she was in the same district or the same county as the shooting. And, and she just had so much anxiety about having her sister being in school. And the thing is, is that she told us stories about when she first put her sister in that school, how it was like three false alarms of active shooters. And they and she talked to the superintendent and I said, Oh, we have one police officer for the whole district. And she's like, that's not enough. So, you know, thinking about even being in school, it's like it's not even my friend of mine said it best. He said when you're in the hood, you're worried about being shot and stuff by people in the hood. But when you're going to tell the suburbs you worried about getting shot and killed by police officers. So it's like wherever you go is still await that you have to carry. Depending it's just a different group that you're worried about. You in a bad neighborhood you worried about people killing each other you in a good neighborhood you worried about Got a police officer or somebody like that taking your life? I mean, all this other churches and stuff that has happened, it hasn't all been in bad neighborhoods.

Mia Reid  35:09  
Absolutely, you are absolutely correct. There's been people

Richard Dodds  35:13  
being in like, you think you're almost gonna move out and and get away from the gun violence, but then you have a different gun violence to worry about?

Mia Reid  35:21  
Absolutely. Gun violence is, is universal. And it doesn't matter where you where you live, where you reside. Gun violence is universal, and it can happen anywhere. And like you said, in light of the latest shooting, and AXFR, I think that brought more awareness to the problem we have with safe gun storage, something as small as a gun lock, just putting a gun lock on a gun can save a life. And so the more we think about what can we do, it's very difficult for us to make changes in the community, we know this, we don't stop. But we have to ask ourselves, what changes can we make? What do we have control of. And I often tell people, we have control of what goes on in our home. That is where we are able to control the narrative, we're able to keep our family safe. And so if you're in your home, and you are a gun owner, putting your gun in a safe, or putting a gun lock on your gun is going to keep your family safe. And it's also going to prevent a child from taking the gun from the home out into the community. So when we all work together, and you safe gun storage, that in itself is reducing gun violence.

Richard Dodds  36:58  
There was something I don't I don't know the exact stat, but they were talking about the amount of young kids with school shootings and stuff like that, if the parents had properly taken away access, most of those events want to happen. And as that accounts for a large amount of the shootings that's happened the last few years? Yes, yes. You know, just thinking about something that does just that simple, is really just, it's mind blowing, really. And I think just as as a community who's got to do better, we got to talk about it more, we got to be involved more with the things that are going on, instead of thing that we said, that I talked about last episode was being neutral. It's a neutral to where you're in a state where you think that because everything is good around you, and you're black, that everybody's getting treated the same way. And it's like this outside of every safe space. And a lot of times, you're in a safe space, and you're like everything is good, because I'm in a space and I'm around different people. And I've never gotten in trouble. And nobody's ever pulled me over, like driving while black and nothing like that. And you get to this point where you just kind of forget that everything else is going on in the world. So a lot of us have to find that energy and get out of neutral and get to a place where we start to recognize all the things that's going on our world because even if you're in a neutral spot in a safe space, the things that are happening outside of that space, safe space will eventually affect you.

Mia Reid  38:28  
Absolutely, it will impact you and and what you're saying is correct. Because I can think, think back when I was raising my child, my son, and his name was Charles Reed, and never been in trouble with the law. Never, you know, had a felony, graduated high school, went to college a little bit. And we live we live in Detroit. I lived there. 40 plus years never had any issues. So I felt like I was doing what I needed to do. As a mom. I wasn't worried about my child because I felt like I taught him what he needed to do. And I was hoping that he was using those tools that I instilled in him and those values. And so I didn't think that gun violence would impact my life. And so I concentrated on what I was doing, and my family because that was enough. No, that was enough for me. But what I've learned is we have to concentrate on the community. Because I often tell young teenagers, when I'm working in a community, that their circle, their circle, the people that they associate with means everything that can be guilty by association. You know, they can be at the wrong place. at the wrong time. So community means everything. bringing that awareness, educating people in a community about gun violence and safe gun storage. Kit me saving somebody's child's life.

Richard Dodds  40:18  
Yeah, I always, I remember my mom talking to me about that just, you know, just having a wrong person around you can make you guilty of something, you can get pulled into something. You could be associated with somebody, somebody could be trying to get somebody else and get you. It says, that's always something thinking about, you know, because I say birds of a feather flock together. Yeah, and even though sometimes it's not all the way true. But looking from the outside, and people don't know that.

Mia Reid  40:50  
Yes, because oftentimes we, we love, we love our friends, we do we love our friends, like their family. And so if you're the one out of the group that is going to school, or is in college, but you still want to do what your friends are doing, then you're on the fence, and you can't be on the fence you have to choose, you have to choose to surround yourself with individuals that are either doing what you're doing, or have already achieved, what it is that you want to achieve. And no, you don't have to not associate with your friends, but they just can't be your road dogs. You want to surround yourself with people that are doing what you're doing. If you're doing something positive, then you need to surround yourself what other people that are doing something positive, or have achieved whatever goal you are seeking so that they can pull you up. If you surround yourself with people consistently that are doing the opposite of what you want to do, they are going to pull you down. And so that's life. And, and, and pushing that narrative of surrounding yourself with positive people, or at least having one person in the group that knows more than you so that they can help you grow.

Richard Dodds  42:23  
Yeah, that that's so important. So just thinking about everything that we talked about today, whether it's the gun violence, or the mental health, what like closing those two you have for, you know, for the audience,

Mia Reid  42:37  
I would say that, first and foremost, it is okay to not be okay. And we as black people have to embrace that. And if we are tired, we need to rest it is okay. Resting does not equate with being lazy. And we have to do some things for ourselves, even if we can't afford to go out and, and do the things that we really want to do. Just putting our feet up on a couch, taking an hour for ourselves to just meditate, to reflect to process to get ourselves prepare for that day at work dealing with that co worker, we have to take time for ourselves. And it's difficult. I know for a lot of people, especially single mothers, and I would say that lunch break, do not eat at your desk, step away. Go sit in your car, if you have to listen to some music, scrolling on your phone, do something for you that hour make that hour for you. And for those that that are thinking about seeking out mental health counseling, it's okay that hour that you spend with that counselor that is for you. And it's in a safe space, non judgmental, confidential. That's something for you. That's something that's been in in your head just burning up 24/7 Get it out for yourself. In regards to gun violence. The only thing that I have to say the only thing that that we are in control of is what goes on in our home. So I'm going to say that we need to be smart, and we need to make sure that if we are legal gun owners, we have to make sure that we are locking up our guns in a safe or we are using a gun lock most of the police stations and the different counties Wayne County, Oakland County, they have gun locks and they are free organizations They have gun locks, I can tell you a couple of organizations that provide free gun locks every time for gun safety, that org Moms Demand Action. And also, Charles Wu Community Health Center is a nonprofit that services the community of Detroit. And you can just go on our website, email us, let us know you want a gun lock, no questions asked and we will provide one for you.

Richard Dodds  45:29  
Wow, thank you for coming on the show and sharing your incredible knowledge and it's just amazing to hear you know, part of your story that out of a horrible tragedy you have been trying to reach out and help the community and help as many other people as possible. So thank you for everything that you know you're doing inside of the community and thank you for being on the show.

Mia Reid  45:49  
Thank you so much for having me richer. I truly appreciate any opportunity to share information with the community bringing awareness and letting others know that they are not alone is the key.

Richard Dodds  46:05  
So that's all I have for you for this episode. But before you go, I like to put a little spotlight on melanin spotlight on melanin is the part of this show where I like to spotlight a creator, influencer artists business owner or activist of color. Today I would like to spotlight Andrea of Andrea design studio. She is the owner of Paisley Paper Co where she designs a number of paper goods and products. One of the things I'm looking forward to checking out as per forever unplanned undated planner. She has a number of unique greeting cards with way more personality than you could find on the shelf. You can check her out at Paisley Paper Co on Instagram and make sure you visit her shop at Paisley paper co.com You can find links to all of our stuff in our show notes. If you or someone you know would like the chance to be featured on spotlight on melanin, send us an email at spotlight at still talking black.com Please include links to their social media and why you feel they should be spotlighted. So again, thanks everyone for listening. Still talking black as a Crown Culture Media LLC production. It is produced by me Richard DODDS. Our theme music was created by the DJ blue please be sure to rate and subscribe to the show your favorite podcasting app. You can follow the show on Instagram at still talking black. Until next time, keep talking

Transcribed by https://otter.ai