Mothers of Black Sons Series: Kristin

Episode Summary:
This is the final episode of the series Mother's of Black Sons. In this episode, I talked to Kristin, who is preparing her son for college. One of the things we talked about that resonated the most was her talking about how differently people see her son now that is has started to transition from a boy to a man.

About the Interviewee / Spotlight on Melanin :
Kristen is the mother of a 15-year-old Black son with dreams of the NBA, but she is also a very skilled amateur photographer and digital artist. She has an amazing eye and has captured some truly unique pieces. You can see some of her artwork on Instagram @KMaria75Photography and you can purchase prints and other merchandise on Society6.com/KMariaPhotography. 

Transcript

Richard Dodds  0:00  
Coming up later on the episode.

Kristen  0:03  
At what point does my cute little black boy become a threat to you? Because we will go places. Oh, cute people will marvel. Oh, he's so cute. He's so cute. But then that changes because he becomes a big six for black man. And so it's like, when does that change. So that is very scary as a parent few years ago, y'all have been marveling over Oh, he's so cute. And now he's a proud, he's a threat. When you start seeing that it does, it's a shock to your system, because it's like you only want to send your kid out.

Richard Dodds  0:33  
This is still talking black, a show about different perspectives to issues that minorities face every day. I'm your host, Richard DODDS. Today's show as a last episode, and the mothers of Black Sons. As much of the stuff that I knew mothers had to face when raising Black Sons, I still feel like a lot of the things that I heard from the mothers, which was very eye opening, a lot of it really hurts, thinking about the pain of black mothers have to endure, and the worries that they have to carry with them every day, even why feminists, it was atrocities committed against kids, young black man who never made it, to be full of doubts. It's so much weight that these women carry as mothers raising their children. And a world that sometimes seems like is out to get us. I'm so very grateful to the mothers that shared their stories over the series that ended up taking up all of February, all of Black History Month. And the craziest thing is, is that each of these women, for for the most part were from different regions, and they all face similar issues. They all had different backgrounds. And they still contend it and worried about the same things. I know a lot of us are praying for a time where we won't have to worry the way that we do. And we won't have to burst our children's innocence bubble so early in their lives, or have it burst from some egregious act that someone committed against them. I'm really hoping that the world begins to heal, and that other people can take a minute to look and see the things that the other people around them are facing. And get a view of someone else's perspective, that's not our own. I really still hold on to the hope that people are ugly, to be ugly. But they are ugly out of ignorance, and a lack of understanding. And I hope this series at least touches one person and gives them a different perspective on the things that black mothers have to face on a daily basis. The things that have to prepare their kids for thinking about how early they have to prepare their kids for this world. I feel like there's so much more to say and talk about, and I really look forward to having more conversations with more people. But this one really touched me because I just thought about all of the things my mother had to prepare me for my parents to be fair, but a mother raising a black son, one of the things that my mom always did was made sure that I presented in a way that no one could think that I was something that I was not meaning that I wasn't walking around with my hat turned backwards and my jeans weren't sagging below my waist, she wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to give anybody else a reason to hate me or fear me or to see me a certain way more than they already did. And I'm thankful to my mother for all of the lessons that she's taught me growing up as a man and listening to all of these mothers, especially the ones with the younger kids, just remind me of some of the conversations that I have with my own Mom, mom, I know you're listening. Thank you. I appreciate you that I appreciate you too. And I appreciate all of the black mothers who are raising their sons to be strong, and raising their daughters to be strong as well because life is not always easy for black people. I would even venture to say it's not most of the time. It's not easy. And it is a way that we collectively carry as a culture. They might not always see our perspective. But they're gonna hear our voice. If you like what we're doing here, still talking black. The best way to show your support by liking, grading and sharing our content, buying merch from our store at still talking black.com forward slash shop or donating using the link in the show description. Every little bit helps. Thank you for your continuing support.

Kristen  4:41  
I'm Kristin and my son is 15 years old.

Richard Dodds  4:44  
Hi Hey Chris, and I'm happy to have you on. So how did you feel when you found out you're having a boy?

Kristen  4:53  
I always wanted a boy like my mother never understood it. When I will get down I want a boy you know and I I used to say I want it for children, I want to for boys, I just I don't know. And it was funny because you know, when you think of having a boy, you just think of, oh, it's a baby voice a bouncing baby boy, we're gonna do this and you forget that that baby boy has to grow up, you know, and so you're inundated with all these great things of baby clothes and what you're gonna teach him and what it's gonna be like. And so I was excited. My ex husband was thrilled because he's like, What could I do with a girl, I'm like, the same thing you can do with a boy, but I was thrilled, we were not gonna find out what we were having. And I got to the ultrasound. And let me just say, my kid was not very shy. In the ultrasound, he just let it all hang out. And so they saw it. I didn't need apparently I don't know what I was looking at. And so we were finally she's like, do you want to know, and we were like, Yeah, we want to know, she confirmed it for us. And so I was, I was thrilled because I got what I wanted. I told him, I said, you know, it's not often that you, I shouldn't say you don't get what you but you know, how you pray for something. And I was like, that is exactly what I wanted. And I tell him that to this day, like, this is exactly what I wanted. And so just very thankful for it.

Richard Dodds  6:08  
So what is it like being a mother, it was fun. It's fun.

Kristen  6:11  
You know, it's funny, because people are like, I can't picture you with a girl. And I'm like, I don't know, why not, you know, but we have fun. He, he's got a lot of me in him, he got a lot of his daddy. And him too. It's fun to watch him morph, you know, and you know, I'm an amateur photographer. So I get to watch stages, and it's fun to see him grow. It's fun to see him just mature and learn life lessons. But it's funny because you I can tell you like with kids, you never know what's gonna come out of their mouth, but they're very inquisitive. And the older they get, you're just like, wait a minute, I got to answer this a little bit later. Did you just ask me. So it's a lot of fun. You know, I'm a single mom. And so I rely on help from you know, he, his dad is heavily goes with a dad every other weekend. He's heavily involved in his life, you know, get help from my parents, you know, my friends, my neighbors. And so what's helpful to living where I live, it's just a bunch of boys. There were always a bunch of boys. So he's an only child, but he's always had other boys around him. And I was worried cuz I was like, Oh my God, you know, he's gonna be an only child, is he gonna be a brat? He's not a brand at all. He's pretty cool. You know, he knows he never had a problem sharing. It's been boys, or I mean, I don't know, my friends with girls have fun, too. But it's just a lot of fun. You know, he's challenged me to do certain things like I never knew how to do to teach me how to throw a football. We will be out in the little green area and my comp complex, like people like are you out there throwing a football, I was like, I know Who knew, right? I can throw spiral lights. And so it's been a lot of fun, because kids challenge you kids will challenge you to do certain things that you know, and then you It's honestly you want to provide. So you challenge yourself, you know what I'm saying? You never want them to see or experience anything hard in life. Like if there's something you experienced, you don't want them to experience, you know what I'm saying. But you also want to teach them the value of hard work, how to be humble. So it's, it's been, honestly, it has been the best gift ever. Because it's just, it's a lot of fun. I mean, I'm getting sad, because you know, a few years, he's gonna go to college. And I'm like, Man, I'm going to move and go with you. How about which is not going to happen. But I wonder like, what am I going to do once he's finally you know, what, I'm gonna be an empty nester and what, two, almost two years, so.

Richard Dodds  8:33  
So how would you explain your connection with your son with

Kristen  8:36  
super close, I'm real silly. He knows that I will crack a joke. It probably the most, probably the worst time ever. But I think he feels comfortable enough. If he needs to come to me, you can talk to me, you know, one of my big things, especially when he was like, probably 1011. Like, if you hear something that, you know, sounds sketchy, or your friends tell you something, come tell me, you know, let me know. Because I said your friends don't always know. You know, they hear from older siblings. And these kids get these life lessons. And, you know, it'll be like, Oh, let me let me run that by me one more time, you know. And so we do talk open. You know, I know he don't tell me everything, you know, but at the same time, I think he feels comfortable enough to where if he wants to talk, we can talk. He's very close with my mother. You know, there's certain times I laugh because I've heard my, my friends and other colleagues say, you know, there's certain times like you did, you had those moments with your kids where they'll just talk. You know, you just really have to listen to you know, one thing about him, it's funny. He seems to really come alive around 1030 when I'm trying to go to bed and I'm like, dude, like, it's 1030 And did you eat so I got because there have been times I'm like, How much sugar did you have? And he's like going and going and going and then I'm like, You know what, let him talk because he needs to talk. He needs to let that and it's nothing bad. He could just eat Tell me this whole day. And then finally, I have to say, You know what, it's 1115. Now you've been talking before I go to bed. And so I think keeping an open door policy without judgment, you know, now he knows I have some structure in there, you know, he knows what's acceptable, he knows what's not acceptable. But he also can come to me with certain things with everything if he needs to. But you know, I don't think he fears me in that way. You know, I think he knows I have standards, I have rules, but I don't think he's afraid of me in any way, which I would never I was like, my mother, I could say anything to her.

Richard Dodds  10:32  
I think it's great to have that kind of relationship where you are still mom, and disciplinary, but you are someone that your son can confide. And I think that's a very important thing, especially in today's world. What are some lessons that you've taught our planet teachers?

Kristen  10:50  
Um, you know, one of the lessons is just know who you who you hang with the biggest I can tell you like, I used to come home from school black, my friend, this my friend is that she's like, wait a minute, is that your friend? Or is that an associate? Hmm. And I used to get really mad because I was like, that is my friend, that's my friend, you know. And I'm like, I get it. As I got older, she's like, look, I'm gonna, I'm gonna just keep it 100 She's like, you're gonna have lifelong friends. And then you're gonna have some people that, you know, now, you never speak to him again. She said, You don't know who your friends are. By the time you finish high school, you don't know who your real friends are. And she's like, most people don't have hundreds of friends, they have close friends. And they have associates. And you have to know, number one who has your best interests at heart, you have to know you know, she was always very cautious about like, know who you get in the car with, you know, so those are lessons now. Not he's of age where he'll be driving. So I'm like, you can't get in a car with everybody. I don't care if they have a license, because you don't know where they're going. You know, we've had, I've had experiences where I've been in the car with people, and then they pop that glove compartment. And there's something in there. And I'm like, oh, no, we can't ride again. And I don't want him in that position. You know. And so just teaching him like you You be careful who you surround yourself with, there gonna be people who will take advantage of you, because he's a nice kid. But also be willing to help people don't don't, you know, my lessons are, it's not just about you. You know, what I'm saying is not just about you. But I think the biggest thing is knowing your knowing the company you keep, all it takes is for one mistake to derail your entire future. And he has big dreams, you know what I'm saying. And my lesson for him is don't let any little stupid mistake, derail your dreams, because other people don't care about your dreams, they act like they do, do whatever you need to do to achieve that, but just watch, watch the company you keep, like I said, I've been in situations where I've gone out with groups of friends, and we're having a good time. And then all of a sudden, and I was in college, you know, and and all of a sudden, a fight breaks out. It just goes south really, really quick. Granted, I'm not a fighter. So I'm like, Oh, I got to go home, we can't hang no more, you know, and so I don't want him in situations like that. But also, you know, you it's a fine line, because you want to protect them from things like that. But you also want him to know how to handle stuff like that, if it ever jumps off. I've taught him. You know what, when you see a fight, you go the other way. That's what I was taught, you see people ruin

Richard Dodds  13:32  
no black people running.

Kristen  13:34  
Like you see somebody run a yo run to you know, never run to see what's going on, you know, other lessons and just being honest, you know, and then like, in this day and age, especially with young black males, my biggest lesson for him, and it's been this way, you know, it's funny that we have to start so young with these boys. Because when you think of like how old he was, when Trayvon Martin was murdered, and all the all the racial injustices, these were, they were babies, they were like, you know, four or five years old, when all of this started to really, let's just say, this has been going off for years

Richard Dodds  14:13  
when I started, when is when the technology got to the point where it was,

Kristen  14:17  
what things were recorded when things you know, the stuff been going on for years. It's just people got video now. And so I think it gets to a point where it's like, okay, when you have a black son, it's like, you know what, I've raised him his whole life. He's always been raised in a pretty multicultural environment, which is great, because he's comfortable around everybody. My kid is gonna, you know, treat everybody fair. But he understands that everybody is not going to be fair to him. And that was the biggest lesson that I that I teach. Teach him is that you know what, there are certain things that some of your friends can do that you can't do just like me. There are certain things that other people can do to that can't do. And there are certain things you don't have to work a little harder for where somebody else may not have to, you know, and that's just life is not fair. But he's learned early, that life is not really fair. But you know, when all these things were jumping off, all the racial and justices are finally like coming to light even more they were they were babies. And so that was a really hard conversation to have with a six year old. You know, and it was sad because we're sitting there watching TV with, you know, Mike Brown and everything in Missouri. And we're watching it. He's six years old, and he's terrified, and I'm sitting there looking and I'm like, Oh, my God, like, how do you? How do you have a conversation with your kid? He's like, Mom, are cops bad? Are they bad? Well, that breaks my heart because my dad was a cop. You know what I'm saying? And so my dad was a good like, my dad can see people that he's arrested in a DAP him up. I've never seen some shit like that, like they DAP him up. And I'm like, That's awesome. They just DAP him up. And I'm like, Oh, Dad, did y'all go to high school together? He's like, Nah, arrested a few years ago. daps up the cop arrests. And I've seen that so many times. And I had to explain to my son, I said, Well, sweetie, I was like, your Granddaddy. It was a retired cop. He's like, No, mommy. They're scary. They're scary. Pupils are scary. And I'm like, not all level. I said, But I'm gonna tell you, if you ever get pulled over into something that you have to train them is six years old to do what they're told. Don't don't make a sudden movement. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's sad that I've had to teach him that when he was six years old. And that and that, but that's something I had to deal with. People were shocked. Like, he's six I'm like, but he needs to know. He needs to know. It's not to scare him is to just keep keep it real. He's known since he was a little boy, that there's certain things that he can't do in the slightest mistake could cost him everything. And it's not fair because we see their counter white counterparts do things and and get off. I mean, that nothing happens, nothing happens. Nothing happens. You know, those are just the life lessons. But it was sad, because I'm like, my kid is six years old. He was scared to death. He was scared to death. And now it's like we told the other day, we're driving and it's a cop behind the scenes like is he still following us? I'm like, we good. I don't have that in his car. You know, my tags are good. But the cop followed me for miles only to just turn off and go the direction he was going before. So I know he has scammed my plates.

Richard Dodds  17:39  
Shaughnessy, there's anything on there

Kristen  17:42  
that will even have a ticket. But it's sad that you have to feel like that is literally like driving while black is a real thing. And he's about to be a driver. He's about to be a driver and so that that along with the other worries of him being a new driver, then you got to add that to it. So

Richard Dodds  18:03  
think about he said Your son's getting close to going to college and driving I know that your your your son is an athlete and I know that you're not one of those moms who push being an athlete on them being educated is important to for you knowing you so what are some things that you think about and preparing him to be a man and being in college and not only that I seen your your boy your boy and who what are some things you preparing them for to be possibly be a top tier college athlete that other people will be looking for? Like I remember going to college and my mom was like, some people come here for education. Some people come in to find husbands like just

Kristen  18:49  
There you go. My mother said same thing. She said that there you go go to school with girls that are gonna get their BS and somebody's gonna get their Mrs. And I thought that was hilarious because I was like, hey, no way. I'm walking up out of here with a husband that that was the last thing on my mind. However, they're still, you know, people who went girls who go to school, you know, the girls who go to follow their boyfriends to school. And so, you know, I think for him, it's like, I want him to enjoy his experience. I want him to you know, the one thing for me, I went to an HBCU The funny thing is, while I was there, I didn't appreciate it enough. But looking back, it was one of the best times of my life. I mean, because I came from a kind of, you know, I was certainly Troy but my mother kind of sheltered me a little bit. And so everything she told me not to do I did it was nothing bad. But you know, there were certain places I go, don't go here because my aunt lives. I'm with Tennessee State and my aunt lives in Nashville. And so there were certain clubs that they told me to stay away from and I'm like, Okay, two weeks later, I was up in the club. I had a hall you know, and I know he's you know, he's already He asked me, What can I get a tattoo? And I'm like, I mean, I already knew it was coming. I'm like, do whatever you do, just like, you don't have to. You know what I know he has Hula Hoop Dreams, and that's great. But at some point, we all have to get a job. And I love tattoos. I think they're beautiful, but I'm like, whatever you do. Keep them. I heard a tattoo artist say he will not tattoo hands. He won't tattoo wrists. You know, but just I said, what I said you're gonna do it. I know you are. It's fine. I've been expecting it. I said, but be sensible, you know. So my big thing is, what are you going to major? Like I said, I know you're hoping but you didn't go into college just to hoop? Like, what are you majoring in? Are you going to do business? Because at some point, you're gonna need to really know how to manage your money. You know what I'm saying? Like, he, the thing is, I think there's a gap between finishing school and then Oh, my God, I'm gonna don't I gotta pay bills. And so that is important. Because, you know, the minute they get on campus, they're offering credit cards. Oh, yeah. I remember that. Yeah, I mean, I got roped into that. And that was I did it all for free T shirt and radio. And then I looked up and I had a big bill.

Richard Dodds  21:11  
I understand what the credit what credit means. But they give

Kristen  21:14  
no idea. I did it for free radio and a T shirt. And I was so good. I got a t shirt. And I'm like, Guess what, fool you go have a big bill in two years. It got to a point where I was like, you know, there are different things. I want him to focus on. The one thing about him that he hasn't I did not have. He's very disciplined. And I'll give out, you know, I'll give credit to his daddy for that one. Because I think he was more disciplined. I was in college because I was one of my party that wouldn't go into class the next day. And my kid is very, very good. He comes in now he does his homework. He manages his time will. And that's something that I did not do well. And that's one thing that I want him to always keep that up in school, because you're going to need it. You know, he's like, Oh, I gotta go to school. Am I doing what? You got to get a job and pay a bill? Yeah. So you know, I want him to appreciate his time. Also want to be him to be leery of pretty girls, you know, pretty girls, you know that, you know, little girls are, you know, I just want him to I said, Look, I don't care who you bring home, she needs to be nice. You know, she needs to be a nice girl with you know, get someone with some goals. We haven't crossed that bridge it but I want to enjoy his time. You know what I'm saying? I want them to enjoy his time in college, but I want him to focus on get those grades, you know, because we don't know what you're going because he at the end of the day, even if you end up pooping, what are you gonna do after you retire? Yeah, you have to have a plan. And so the big thing for him is like, and now that's the one thing that even in high school, he has plans, he has to write out plans and he's really good about be very direct about what he wants to do. He doesn't like oh, you know, he doesn't go back and forth on things, which I think is interesting for some somebody his age, because I went back and forth from wanting to be a lawyer to pediatrician to then what it was was like, Oh my God, how much school is that gonna require? And then I changed my mind. I'm like, You know what, I want to be a psychologist. And so I didn't follow that path. Initially. You know, I followed that path, but then realize that wasn't really what to do. But I want him to enjoy his time. I want him to continue to focus and then take those lessons he's learned here on the road to college. Don't just drop them off, because you're not with me still live like you live by those same standards that you live that in my house.

Richard Dodds  23:33  
Wow, that that he sounds like you really got him ready.

Kristen  23:38  
I hope so. I hope so. He's a good kid. I mean, I have no complaints. You know, he's, I'm marveling him because I'm like, Man, I did not have this discipline. Like, I look at him and he's at school 12 hours a day. I'll drop him off at 730. I pick them up at 730 every day. And he does that for about 80% of the year because of the season because they they even practice, you know, they go to not practice but like conditioning. During the offseason. I look I'm like when I got home from school. I ate a snack and took a nap and woke up and do my homework. He's a completely his work ethic is very much. Just it's it's amazing when I watch it, so I think when he goes away, I think he'll be ready but I just want him to continue. You know, don't. Don't start having so much fun that you're away that you forget what you're there to do.

Richard Dodds  24:31  
That's really awesome. FDR JSON did the tragedies that happened specifically the black man start to hit you harder?

Kristen  24:38  
Yes. Because when you start looking at like, I follow Trayvon Martin's mother on Instagram, and I follow Jilani days Mother, he's the young man that they found in Illinois that ain't nobody really talking about how he died. Like it's a big secret in we know there's no way that boy just ended up in the river on his own. With his organs missing, like, let's let's be real. So what you start to think of is as heartbreaking as it is to see those moms that could be any of our kids. And it's one thing to go through the trauma of that and watch them go through that trauma. It's another thing for them to handle justice. Like, it's I can't imagine being Trayvon Martin's mom, and saying george Zimmerman children, making threats against people walking freely. It's amazing to me, and she amazes me as a person, both of these women are so strong, because I may I will be ready to lose it. Like and I don't know how they have maintained their composure, to be able to continue to do the work that they do. And so when you start looking at that, you're like, oh, my gosh, like, every time your kid leaves, I mean, like, you look at the the situation with the shooting in Oxford, I'm watching the news. And I'm like, Dear God, that's all it was horrific. But the reality is, it could have been in any of these schools. And but it would never happen out there. You know, it can happen anywhere. You know, we don't believe in putting, you know, metal detectors will yell, I do something. You know, and so you you get to the point of I get the metal detectors make kids uncomfortable, but the reality is, this whole situation makes all of them uncomfortable, because you just don't know, you know, and so I think that having him like the older he got, like, you look at this because of reality. I've seen this on Instagram. At what point does my cute little black boy become a threat to you? Because you know, we will go places it Oh, cute. People will marvel. Oh, he's so cute. He's so cute. But then that changes. Mm hmm. Because he becomes the Big Six for black man. And so it's like, when does that change? And so that is very scary as a parent, because it's like a few years ago, y'all have been marveling over Oh, he's so cute. And now he's a problem. He's a threat. And so, you know, when you start seeing that it does, it's a shock to your system, because it's like, you only want to send your kid out. You know, even when he jogs around my neighborhood, we've lived here for 12 years. I'm like, You need to check in with me on every lap. Because you don't know, you know, I don't know, you know, most people know him over here. And then there's some who may forget, you know, you just you just don't know,

Richard Dodds  27:22  
hey, you're taller, get a little bit get the beard.

Kristen  27:25  
I mean, he's grown. He's grown two inches since October. like legit, he's grown two inches. So I'm sitting here like, Oh, my God, like when you run, check in, like, I have his location, because I'm making sure because you just it's, you know, Trayvon Martin was isn't in his own neighborhood. Yeah. But every you know, then you got that one fool in the neighborhood that wants to do something. And so I look at those situations. And I'm like, that could have been any of our kids boy, or honestly, male or female. But particularly for these males, you know, and that didn't set is so funny, because I had wonderful way this all this time. And I'm like, Oh, my God, it is nerve makes you nervous. It makes you nervous every time they leave the house. But that's why you have to equip them. You know what I'm saying? It would be different if I didn't equip him every day. And it's not something where you have one talk. It's like multiple discussions. His discussion or topic of discussion is a corporate. It's sad, but it's incorporated into your day. But he needs to know these things.

Richard Dodds  28:27  
I remember my mom telling me, I had a hot, you know, baseball cap. And I had it turned backwards and she's like, tying your hair right back around. She's like, I don't want any body to take you as a thug, when you're not a thug, and si MAS is a hat. And no, it's not just a hat. When you earn it, you got to present yourself in a certain way. Because people already think one way about you, and don't give them a reason to think something else too. And,

Kristen  28:57  
and honestly, I do believe that the one thing I have noticed there have been with George Floyd and just so many people that that are not blacks that recognize racist behavior. But the thing is, you don't always know who they are. You know what I'm saying? Like you can go out and people because you had at hat on to the back, they're gonna look at your skin first. And then say, Oh, he's one of those because it's heads to the bank. Yep. People make assumptions, because that's all there used to doing.

Richard Dodds  29:33  
Even when my hair my mom didn't want me to get my hair lock. I want me to get my hair lock, because she was worried about the way that people will look to me when my locks in my hair.

Kristen  29:42  
And you know what? It's becoming the locks are becoming a little bit more because honestly, 10 years ago, you even facial hair. I didn't know that facial hair was a big thing. And so, you know, in corporate America, something I was told, like, I'm like facial hair and I'm like, oh, I don't need somebody to walk around with no beard. And so I didn't know that. But you know, of course when you are the mother was so and you find out like, No, you really, you know. And so it's a very it's interesting how some things are getting to be more accepted. And then others are it's weird. It's very weird.

Richard Dodds  30:24  
Yeah. What is the biggest joy of being a mom?

Kristen  30:28  
Oh my gosh, I there's too much to name. Because it's, it's, I laugh because this is gonna sound terrible. But like, I was one of those little girls play with dolls, like, probably longer than I should have. I won't even tell you how old I was when I stopped. But I had a ton of dolls, I still have them in storage, like I was the cabbage patch queen. So for me, I have wanted to be a mother since I didn't even really know where babies came from. But I just thought it was cool. I just thought you sneezed and a baby popped out. And so I've always wanted to be a mom. And so it's every day is a joy. You know, when you see your kid just happy and flourishing in a healthy kids. You know, you always have people you might owe your baby when you can when you have babies, they can be cute. First thing he says, I hope they're healthy. So to have healthy, happy kids that are flourishing. And I think, for me, it's so much fun to see him. Mike set a goal and then reach it like that, that is fun. And to just see how they've turned out as a person. Like when you got a really nice kid. I'm not just saying that because he's mine, okay, maybe, but like to see the accomplishments they've made, especially if they've had any type of stumbling blocks, or what I'm just speaking generally, like, it's fun to watch them grow into this little human, like, you know it every day, because you notice a change every day, whether or not he's like, I can look at him in the morning, like, Dude, you grew. Or like, you get impeached for either you shaving yet. And so, or just talking to him about stuff, and I'm like, really having an adult conversation. But it's such a joy to teach him to, you know, and we haven't even gotten on like, you know, I'm not like, you know, I don't go to church every Sunday, you know, that's fine. I'm kind of I met as that is an area I have failed in. But the one thing we do in this house is we pray and we pray a lot. You know, we do what we call a car prayer in the morning. And you know, and and we do we pray at night, we pray all the time. And so instilling that in him, like you know what, you can't talk to me, you can always talk to God too. And so those are things that it's a joy to be able to do that. And it's funny because I look at him, like I was super close with my mother like that. And I'm super close with my father to Boulder. I was lived in the house with my mom. And I look at the relationship that I have with him. It's very similar to the one that I had with my mother, even though like two women, but like, we're super close, you know, I feel like I felt like I could go to her with stuff. He can come to me with things. We can have fun. We can watch a movie, laugh it up. I can crack a joke, you know, we can just have a good time. So it's a joy every day, aside from the worries of sending him out into the world. As a black man. I do it all over again. You know what I'm saying? Like there's no doubt I have. I mean, I will do it all over again. He's he is the greatest gift ever.

Richard Dodds  33:37  
That's it. That's amazing. Well, thank you, Chris. And I really appreciate you coming and sharing.

Kristen  33:43  
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'll bill you later

Richard Dodds  33:46  
on. So that's all I have for this episode. But before you go, I'd like to put a little spotlight on Melanie spotlight on melanin is the part of the show where I like to spotlight a creator, influencer artists, business owner or activist of color. Today I would like to spotlight Kristen. Kristen is actually an amateur photographer and a digital artist. She has an amazing eye has captured some truly unique pieces. You can see some of her artwork on Instagram at kay Maria 75 photography and you can purchase prints and other merchandise on society six.com For slash kay Maria photography, links are in the show notes. If you are someone you know like the chance to be featured on spotlight on melanin, send us an email that spotlight is still talking black.com Please include links to their social media and why you feel they should be spotlighted. So again, everyone, thank you for listening. Still talking black as a crown culture media LLC production is produced by me Richard DODDS our theme music was created by the DJ blue. Please make sure to rate and subscribe to the show your favorite podcasting app. You can follow us on Instagram at still talking black. You follow me personally at dogs ism and SD Oh DDS is out but until next time keep talking

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