Your Discernment Isn't Broken | with Dr. Sherri

❝ I felt like I missed out on the good Christian gene. ❞

A lot of Christians wonder if something is wrong with them spiritually. Why does everyone else seem confident, connected to God, and certain of His voice… while they still feel stuck, numb, anxious, or unsure if they can trust themselves?

In this episode, Dr. Sherri of Mindset of the Redeemed joins Julianne Rhodes for a conversation about shame, emotions, discernment, and spiritual confidence.

Together, they explore:

• Why many believers feel spiritually defective or “behind”
• The difference between emotional experiences and spiritual maturity
• Why constantly chasing feelings can create instability in faith
• How shame distorts discernment and identity
• What it means to stop outsourcing spiritual confidence
• Why faith requires honesty, not performance
• The role of the Holy Spirit in developing discernment
• How leaders can point people back to God, rather than try to control

This conversation is especially for Christians who feel exhausted from trying to “get it right” spiritually and are longing for a more grounded, honest relationship with God.

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👉🏼 Get Biblical Encouragement from Dr. Sherri

Learn more about Dr. Sherri  and Mindset of the Redeemed (MOR) at mindsetoftheredeemed.com

If you care about Christian communication done with more creativity and integrity, come see what we’re building at contrarytopopular.com. 

Transcript

Dr. Sherri 0:00

I felt like I missed out on the good Christian gene. But repeating that your discernment is broken is a lie because it's not about you. It's about the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit's not broken.

Julianne 0:10

A lot of believers have been taught to doubt themselves spiritually, to assume someone else always hears God better, knows scripture better, or just has more access to truth than they do. I'm Julianne Rhodes, and this is Contrary to Popular. Today we're talking about discernment, emotions, agency, and what it looks like to build a genuine relationship with God, instead of treating our faith more like a performance. I'm here with Dr. Sherry of Mindset of the Redeemed, or more. She's a former clinical psychologist, and her ministry is focused on helping women, especially who struggle with shame, fear, and sin. Thanks for joining, Dr. Sherry. Tell us how you got into this ministry.

Dr. Sherri 0:52

Well, because I was her, I was raised in the church my whole life. Essentially, as far back as I can remember, publicly professed my faith in the Lord when I was like five or six. And the the church, by and large, didn't do a great job of equipping me. I mean, I heard the Bible stories, I heard the scriptures, but I didn't really know what that meant. And so I spent much of my life thinking like I was missing some sort of switch in my brain that made me the good Christian. Or I what I call is I felt like I missed out on the good Christian gene, right? I was like, why can't I get it right? And so that was me most of my life. And so I would ebb and flow in and out of these seasons of drawing closer to the Lord, but yet never seeming to be able to get my life in alignment with who I knew him to be and what he had for me. So I was living in this gap of feeling like I was missing out on something. And I was looking at everybody else, and nobody was talking about this. I felt like nobody could relate to me. And I just thought that I missed the boat somehow. And so I was her for a long time. And it wasn't until I really, I would say, just my dry, dusty well of everything I was trying to fill my life with. And I realized that the only place for me to go was the Lord. And so I just was crying out to him. And he's like, Come to me in my word, come to me in my word. But I had to show up and read the word for myself in a way that was deeply personal, in a way that was like, God, I want to know more of you. I mean, I grew up being told to read the Bible, but the Holy Spirit revealed to me that the reason I was stuck in these cycles of in and out, closer to him, away from him, closer to him, away from him, is because I wasn't abiding in his word. And as soon as I started to do that, he started to show me what it looked like. And I learned that I could ask him questions like, like, what does it even mean to seek you, God? I don't even know what that means. Can you show me? What does it mean to be satisfied by you? Can you show me? And he was faithful through his living, breathing word to teach me how. And so now I have a heart to reach those women who are living in that gap still.

Julianne 3:20

Do you feel like there are a lot of people in churches today showing up every week to church and still kind of feeling like they're in that place you're describing where they're they're not feeling close to God, but they want to be. They feel like something's missing. They're in that gap. And what are they typically doing about that? Does that, do you think that pushes them into being more illegalistic or pulling away from God? Or how have you seen people respond to that?

Dr. Sherri 3:47

Yeah, I would say that people are looking to the world for wisdom, professing believers, following the wisdom of the world to help to fill that void that is experienced in that gap. And they're not understanding the power of a relationship with Christ, the power of the presence of the Holy Spirit. And they're thinking that it's not for them. So if you think it's not for you, if you think like, oh, well, that abundant life is just for some people, it's not for me, why would I keep pursuing that? Right? Because I've got this lie that I'm believing that I don't even know is a lie. So I wouldn't pursue that. I would just settle. So really that's what I see people doing. I see people settling for less than what God has, what God sent Jesus to die for to give us.

Julianne 4:38

What would you say to someone who has tried to get into the word and it feels like it's still kind of dry to them, like they're going through the motions, but they're still not feeling that that richness that you're describing.

Dr. Sherri 4:52

Yeah. So I was her too. And what the Lord taught me is that you have to persevere. You know, we want that instant return. We want that feeling. And so so much of what I teach is understanding that when you're diving into the word, it is not about receiving a feeling. It is about coming into contact with the life-changing truth and believing, believing that God will use that to establish us. There was a long time when I was started to read the word, and I'm like, I don't get it, I don't feel it, but here I am, Lord. I'm going to stop at nothing because everything that I've done is meaningless. And I know that I know that I know that this is the only way. So I like Jacob, I will not let you go until you bless me. And we have to be willing to persevere. So we have to stop pursuing the feeling and start pursuing the truth. I'm going to pursue the truth even if I don't feel it, because I know that I know that I know it's true. And one day God will teach me to feel like that's true. And there's still days where I don't feel the richness, where I encounter the word and I'm like, okay, thank you for your word, God, but I don't feel some sort of grand shift. And we live in a world right now in our church culture that really idolizes sensational experiences. And so that perpetuates this idea that I'm missing something, if I'm not always feeling that overwhelm, that sensational impact, that emotional experience.

Julianne 6:29

And that's a very contrary to popular idea that we can't be led by our emotions. Because in today's society, that's what we're taught is the measurement. If you're in the right place, if you're doing the right thing, if you're being true to yourself, is like, do you feel it? Do you feel it? So as a psychologist, what do you say about that? Because obviously our emotions are part of who we are. And so our you're you're not teaching us to ignore emotions. And if we're dreading it, like, don't ignore that. But what how do emotions play a role in this?

Dr. Sherri 7:01

Yeah, so emotions, if if we think about it in technical terms, feelings are thoughts. You can't have a feeling without an accompanying thought. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to describe the feeling. Okay. So Jesus tells us to take every thought captive. He doesn't say to lean into the thoughts, he doesn't say to sit with the thoughts, he doesn't say to not judge the thoughts, and he doesn't say to ignore them. He says to take them captive to what? The obedience of God's word. And so, what do I do with the emotions? God, this is what you said, but this is what I feel. Please help me. I take it to the one who knows. And so, yes, I feel the emotions, but I take it to the Lord, just like Jesus did when he was tempted in the wilderness, when he uh heard the news about John the Baptist being beheaded, he went to go be alone. This is what he did. But not to be alone by himself, not to go invent to friends. He went to be alone with the Father. And so that's what we're missing is a lot of times we'll say, well, take your feeling to the Lord. But sometimes, if we're if we're honest, what we're saying is that's not good enough. I want somebody to rally beside me. I want somebody to say, Yeah, you have a right to feel that way. Yeah, I feel that way too, me too. But that's not scriptural. What's scriptural is to feel the feeling, and just like David did throughout the Psalms, to pour it out to the Lord. And what happened every time he poured out his feelings? The Lord returned truth to him. And he was like, I feel this way, yet I will hope in God. That's how we become established when we take those feelings and we offer them to the one who permitted us to have them in the first place, who modeled us after him, who has feelings himself, right? And of course, we are made in his image. So we are supposed to have feelings, but not to be led by them, but to offer them.

Julianne 8:55

Yeah. And you said, you know, people idolize in the church some of these sensational good feelings as though that is the Holy Spirit, as though they're the same thing. But I've also seen where we sort of demonize other emotions. You're not allowed to have ugly, messy emotions. And I feel like by sort of hedging someone in and only allowing them to have certain emotions and not others, we're also dehumanizing them in that way.

Dr. Sherri 9:24

Yeah, it's a really great conversation because we're allowed to say, Yes, I hear you. And what does God say? Both of those must be present. But see, the world says, sit with me in my feelings. Yes, I hear you. And how are you taking that to the Lord? What does scripture tell you about that? Right? Like, what does he say? Be angry and what? Do not sin. So, yes, it's okay to be angry, but even then we can take that layer by layer. Are you angry because you feel offended? Or are you angry because God is offended? We have to be willing to sacrifice the feelings that we have and to reject them. Not to ignore them, but to say, this is what I feel, and that has no place here. God, I don't want to feel that way. I feel that way, but I don't want to feel that way. It's very different from the world that says, I feel that way, and I have the right to feel that way.

Julianne 10:28

Yeah, I like to differentiate and say, it makes sense why I feel that way. It's not the same as saying I have the right to. That's right. Yeah. And I love that. I I've done that myself. God, I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to feel hate. But I do. I have hate. I know it's a sin. Yes. So help me. Yes, exactly. I have a friend who got a recent cancer diagnosis, and she's been frustrated because she feels angry, she feels frustrated, she feels like grieving, all the things that are normal, right? And and she feels like a lot of times Christians are quick to want to sort of quiet those things and say, oh, but here's the good news. Oh, but the Lord's got you. Oh, but you know, or fill in the blank encouragement. And she's been frustrated that that it's been hard to find Christians who will just let her have those emotions. Do you want to speak to that? Like where we need sort of a margin to be able to just sit with certain emotions.

Dr. Sherri 11:31

Yeah. So yes, and Bethany, yes, and we need a margin. But truth be told, if I'm your sister in Christ and I know that you sitting in a margin for too long is a dangerous place for you to be, it's my obligation to point you to the truth. And so, yes, I can sit with you, and yes, I can hold your hand. Yes, there's a time for weeping and grieving, and then there's a time for instruction, right? But it goes back to the Holy Spirit discernment of when is the time to speak and when is not the time to speak. But I don't have to, I can sit with you as you're grieving without negating that and saying, yeah, but and let's move on from that. I can sit with you and then trust the Lord to tell me when's it time to not say yeah, but, but to say yes and yes and that's the difference, right? It's a yes and yes, you're allowed to feel that way. And here's the truth. We're learning to walk, but we have to make sure we're learning to walk according to the truth and not according to what pastors say, what mentors say, what influencers say, but the truth.

Julianne 12:48

Yeah, I love that. And that really segues nicely into the topic of having agency as a Christian and learning to trust the discernment that you're able to have yourself versus the idea that, well, my discernment's broken, so I better ask Dr. Sherry what she thinks. I better ask my pastor what he thinks, I better ask my husband what he thinks, because I can't be trusted. My discernment can't be trusted. And and I'm just curious, how have you seen that at play in women, especially?

Dr. Sherri 13:23

Yeah. Well, so repeating that your discernment is broken is a lie because it's not about you, it's about the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit's not broken, right? Um, respecting others and giving them agency comes from uh the knowledge that they are made in God's image and they they have that agency imbued to them by Him. I was ministering at a women's conference at a church, and um, then they had me stand up at the front for people who wanted prayer. And Julianne, I I have never been so freaked out in my life. And when I say freaked out, I mean like fear of God freaked out, like just trembling, like, God, I do not want to mess up here, right? Because people were coming to me and they were holding my hands and they were like looking at me intently, waiting for me to say something. And I'm like, uh-uh, like I reject it in many cases. And so what I did is I just prayed. I just closed my eyes, I broke eye contact and I closed my eyes and I just prayed to God, Lord, give them exactly what they need, speak the word into them that they need to do. You know, we know when we're abiding and when we're not. We know the voice of God and we know the voice of the devil. We know the devil's never gonna tell us to buy somebody groceries that's standing in the line behind us. Not gonna happen. Don't need to doubt that. Discernment meter isn't broken, right? Listen the first time. You know the voice of your father. And so, yeah, I think it's about getting people to also understand the truth that they have the same access to the father that I have, that you have. We have the same Holy Spirit, but I think the hand holding and the so, for example, I I come from Amish heritage. And back in the Amish church, in the old order Amish church, only the bishop was allowed to read the Bible. So the bishop had all the answers, right? There's a very similar hierarchical structure, even in modern day churches, that the pastor or the apostle or the minister or whatever, they're the ones who have the further access.

Julianne 15:42

Yeah. So I found that that hierarchical structure you're talking about and the sort of tighter controls and systems that a lot of churches have, if if we're giving the benefit of the doubt, it's in an effort to keep order and to make sure everyone's singing from the same hymnal, both literally and figuratively, right? Yeah. And so, how do you handle that as someone who disciples to where you're building in them a confidence in their ability to have a personal relationship with Jesus, to hear the Holy Spirit themselves? And do you ever fear that they will go off on a tangent and say, Oh, well, God told me this? And you're like, hold on, let me rein you in. And is do you have that temptation to rein people in and have a little bit of control, if you will?

Dr. Sherri 16:34

Yeah, that's a great question, Julianne. So certainly the temptation is there. I would say earlier on, there was a temptation to control my own reputation, what people thought of me. But even in that, the Lord is like, Sherry, are you doing what I asked you to do? If I'm being obedient, that is all I need to be concerned with. So when there is a temptation, I say no, the outcome is the Lord's. I mean, he says that in his word. We can make our plans, we can do things, but we don't decide the outcome. I am only, I here's how I say it: I am responsible to you, but not for you. So I am responsible to speak the truth to you. What you do with that is not my responsibility. He has just shown me like, let me deal with them. They are mine. Let me deal with them. I am their God, not you. You're not responsible for rescuing them. Let there be space. And I think the more that we give that space, the more space is available to the Lord not to speak, but for them to hear him.

Julianne 17:44

Yeah. How would you advise someone who is currently working on this confidence that we're talking about, who wants to feel confident that they're able to hear the Lord themselves and practice that discernment? And maybe they have people around them who are a little bit more controlling, whether that's a spouse, whether that's a pastor, or whatever system they find themselves in, that they're feeling pressure to perform versus letting it be authentic. How could you encourage them to sort of hold their frame?

Dr. Sherri 18:18

Yeah. Do not listen to your flesh. Wait on the Lord. And uh the I would say the biggest part of listening is is stopping taking action. Because when we stop and we say, I'm not gonna move until I know you are in this. I think of Moses, right? He said, I if you're not with us, we're we're not going. He says he will give us a piece that passes understanding. And until we have that, you don't move. And he will never tell you to do something that's out of alignment with the scriptures. So if you're not sure, go and search the scriptures. You know, he says, if anybody lacks wisdom, what? Ask me and I'll give it to you liberally. But a lot of times we're not asking because we think we should know. But nothing is too small, nothing is too simple. We can go to him with everything and say, put a what now, Governor? What now? What do I do here? And he has never failed me on that.

Julianne 19:16

Yeah, I think fear does play such a big role in this because I know for me, especially when I was younger, I am so afraid of disappointing someone. I'm so afraid of getting it wrong, of being labeled something I don't want to be labeled as, of being rebellious, of being passive, of being so many things, right? And so just that taking time to slow down in and of itself can be very scary to do, right?

Dr. Sherri 19:42

Yeah. And I think, you know, I've had a personal experience with this of God, I so desperately don't want to get it wrong. That that can borderline be a place of fear, and that's not the liberty that he gave us. And so he's actually ministered to me and he said, Sherry, instead of fearing that you'll get it wrong, I want you to pray the prayer of faith and say, Teach me to walk in your ways. And so that's my prayer now. Not, I don't want to get it wrong. It's teach me to walk in your ways. And again, it's that simple, it's just a shift away from me and onto him.

Julianne 20:20

And there's grace in that, right? There's that's a big thing I push, is like it's practice, right? Like these are skills we're talking about. And it might be a totally new skill for you that function in this kind of relationship with God. And so it's okay to practice it. It's not that you have to get it right every moment.

Dr. Sherri 20:38

Well, I would say you have to practice it. One time I was practicing, like, I want to seek you first. I don't want to seek me. I want to seek you first. And so he had me write down on a sticky note, who are you seeking right now? And I put that thing everywhere. I put it in my wallet, I put it in my off, like whatever you have to do. This is it's it goes back to what he told the Israelites to do back in Deuteronomy, to put it on your doorpost, to put it as frontlets before your eyes, to talk about it to your children, to make it, make your environment conducive to practicing his ways. Again, not waiting to feel like you know how to do it. It's renewing the mind, right? It's being transformed by the renewing of the mind, which is an active process of bringing our thoughts into agreement with God's word.

Julianne 21:30

Yeah. So if you could give advice to Christian leaders who want to influence people for Jesus, but want to still encourage them to think and decide for themselves, what sort of advice would you give them to be able to do that well?

Dr. Sherri 21:44

Um, make sure they're always pointing back to the word and not to themselves. If you even feel like somebody is like, ooh, what does Sherry think? Reject it with a 10 foot pole. Reject it and say, go talk to God. Go ask God. Because the Holy Spirit gives us discernment on that. What does God's word say about that? It's not about what I think. It's not about my ideas. It's about what God says. And so that's one of the things that I make abundantly clear to anybody who asks me anything. We have to go to what God says, not to what I think.

Julianne 22:22

Yeah, that's so good.

Dr. Sherri 22:25

I'm excited to be on this adventure with the Lord where everything is his because it's for him. And sometimes I get wrapped up in my own mind about what I have to do next to do the thing that I think he told me to do. But I don't even have to hold that. I just literally get to, I just get to go limp. And I just get to be here and have a conversation with you about him and just seek to honor him in everything that I say and do, seek to bring attention to him. That's what I'm excited about, to bring attention to him.

Julianne 23:00

Yeah. Thank you so much. I I love your heart for women. And um, you offer so many things too. I wanted to mention that you offer courses and intensive kind of retreat trips for small groups, which looks so fun. Uh, and you also have a membership. And so let us know where's the best place to connect with you with all these things online.

Dr. Sherri 23:21

Yeah, I would say my website, which is mindsetoftheredeemed.com.

Julianne 23:26

Awesome. And they can sign up for your newsletter and stay connected with you there. Well, thank you so much for your time. This has been great.

Dr. Sherri 23:33

Thank you, Julianne.