134- vulnerability


Hey there, dear listeners! Welcome to another thrilling episode of your podcast where we dive deep into what it truly means to be human. I'm your host, Neslie, and if you haven't subscribed to our podcast yet, do it now! Go on; I'll wait. Click that button, and let's explore the world of emotions, connections, and vulnerability together.


All right, settled in? Fantastic!


Today, we're diving into something that I bet every single one of us has faced at one point or another: vulnerability. Now, hold on; don't change that channel. Vulnerability isn't just some abstract concept; it's the very essence of being human. It's the thing that links us to our neighbours, our friends, our family, and even those strangers we bump into at the coffee shop.

Have you ever found yourself standing on the edge of a diving board, looking down at the water below? That moment when your heart races, your palms are sweaty, and every part of you is screaming, "I'm not ready!" That, my friends, is vulnerability. And guess what? It's not just about the water; it's about life itself.


So grab a comfy seat, your favourite beverage, and let's take a deep dive into this incredible, nerve-wracking, yet rewarding world of vulnerability.


Here's the thing: We live in a world that often tells us to be strong, to be invulnerable, to be tough. We put on masks, build walls, and shut ourselves off from the very thing that makes us human: connection.


Ever noticed how when someone asks you, "How are you?" the automatic reply is "I'm fine"? But are you really fine? Or is that just a mask you put on to navigate the world?


This brings me to a fascinating study conducted by Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston. In her decade-plus of research on vulnerability, shame, and empathy, she found that vulnerability is not a weakness but rather the "birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love" (Brown, 2012).


And yet, many of us shy away from it. We treat vulnerability as if it were a contagious disease. But why?


Picture this: You're at a party, surrounded by people, but you feel utterly alone. You're terrified of opening up, sharing your thoughts, your feelings. Why? Because you're scared of being judged, of being seen for who you really are.


This fear is more common than you might think. In fact, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, fear of judgment or negative evaluation can lead to severe social anxiety and can even cripple our ability to connect with others (Heimberg, et al., 1995).

Now, let's take a moment and think about something personal. Remember that time when you wanted to tell your best friend something important, something deep, but the words just wouldn't come out? You felt that pang in your stomach, that hesitation. You were standing on that metaphorical diving board all over again.


That's vulnerability, my friends. And it's time we stop running from it and start embracing it.


Let’s explore the cultural aspect of vulnerability. Now, don't worry, I'm not going to get all highbrow on you. Instead, I want you to think about the simple gestures and unspoken rules that shape our relationships.

You see, vulnerability isn't just about you or me. It's about the entire fabric of society. Our cultures, traditions, and societal norms often dictate how we perceive vulnerability.


Take, for instance, the classic "stiff upper lip" mentality often associated with British culture. It's this idea that showing emotion or vulnerability is a sign of weakness (Smith, 2007). Or consider the Japanese concept of "honne" and "tatemae," where you may have a public face and a private face. In many Eastern cultures, vulnerability may be something you only show within your closest circle (Nakane, 1970).


What's really happening here? Are we protecting ourselves? Are we preserving social harmony? Or are we just building barriers that keep us from truly connecting with others?


A good friend of mine, we'll call him Mike, was born and raised in a family where emotions were kept behind closed doors. Mike once told me that he never saw his father cry. Not once. It was only when his father was on his deathbed that he opened up and shared his feelings.

That's a heavy burden to bear. And yet, many of us leave like this every day. We bottle things up; we put on a brave face. But at what cost?


If there's one area where vulnerability plays a vital role, it's in our relationships. Think about it: the closest, most meaningful relationships in your life are likely the ones where you can truly be yourself. No masks, no barriers, just genuine connection.


But getting to that point? Boy, oh boy, that can be a roller coaster.

Remember your first crush? The first time you said, "I love you"? That's vulnerability in action, my friends. And it's not just about romantic relationships. It's about friendships, family, even your relationship with your pet.


According to Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), vulnerability is key to building secure attachments in relationships (Johnson, 2008). It's about opening up, letting people in, and allowing yourself to be seen – warts and all.


Alright, let's shift gears a bit and talk about something a little more light-hearted: creativity. Yep, you heard me right. Vulnerability and creativity are like two peas in a pod.

Ever tried to write a song, paint a picture, or even cook a meal and share it with others? If you have, you know that creativity requires putting yourself out there.

Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of "Eat, Pray, Love," talks about how vulnerability is essential to the creative process. In her book "Big Magic," she encourages us to embrace the fear and uncertainty that comes with creating something new (Gilbert, 2015).

I remember when I first started this podcast. I was scared out of my mind. What if nobody listens? What if people hate it? What if I fail?

But you know what? That vulnerability, that willingness to take a risk, led me to you, dear listeners. And look at us now!



Now, you might be thinking, "Okay, vulnerability is great for relationships and creativity, but what about the business world? What about leadership?"

Well, my friend, vulnerability plays a massive role in leadership too.

A study by Harvard Business Review showed that leaders who demonstrate vulnerability are often seen as more trustworthy and relatable by their teams (Goffee and Jones, 2000). Being open about challenges, fears, and failures can create a culture of empathy, collaboration, and innovation.

Take, for instance, Satya Nadella, the CEO of Microsoft. He's been very open about embracing empathy and vulnerability as key leadership qualities. And look at how Microsoft has thrived under his leadership!

So whether you're a CEO or just leading a small team at work, embracing vulnerability can be your secret weapon.


We're building quite the journey here, aren't we? We've talked about the problem with vulnerability, explored its cultural aspects, seen its impact on relationships, creativity, and leadership. But there's still so much more to uncover.


Stay tuned as we delve into mental health, strategies for embracing vulnerability, and stories from those who've transformed their lives by letting their guard down.


If you're enjoying this journey with me, don't forget to hit that subscribe button, and feel free to leave a review. I'd love to hear your thoughts!


Buckle up, listeners, because we're diving even deeper.


You know, friends, as we explore this intricate landscape of vulnerability, we can't ignore its profound connection to mental health. It's like an underlying current that flows through our lives, affecting our thoughts, emotions, and overall well-being.

Let's go back to that metaphorical diving board we talked about earlier. Now, imagine standing on that edge every single day. The fear, the anxiety, the pressure—it can all add up.


Many studies, including research by Dr. Kristin Neff, have shown that self-compassion and the ability to be vulnerable with oneself can significantly impact mental well-being (Neff, 2003). It's about acknowledging our feelings, embracing our imperfections, and treating ourselves with kindness.

But let's talk real life here. I remember a time when I was going through a rough patch. You know, one of those moments when life just seems to be throwing everything at you. I felt like I had to be strong, put on a brave face. But inside? I was crumbling.


And then a friend told me something profound: "It's okay to be not okay." That was my permission slip to be vulnerable, to seek help, and to start healing.


Have you been there? Have you felt that weight on your shoulders? That's why talking about mental health and vulnerability is so crucial. It's not just about self-awareness; it's about self-preservation.


So, we've unpacked the importance of vulnerability, looked at its various facets, and now you might be wondering, “All right, but how do I embrace it?"

Let's break it down, shall we?


Start Small: You don't have to bare your soul to the world. Start with something small, like sharing a fear or a dream with a close friend or family member. It's like exercising a muscle; the more you use it, the stronger it becomes.


Be Compassionate to Yourself: Remember, being vulnerable doesn't mean being perfect. It means being human. Embrace your flaws, your quirks, your uniqueness. Love yourself for who you are.


Build Trusting Relationships: Vulnerability thrives in a trusting environment. Surround yourself with people who accept you, who listen, and who are there for you.


Take Risks: Whether it's trying a new hobby or asking for a promotion at work, taking risks allows you to face your fears and grow. Just like I did with this podcast!


Seek Professional Help if Needed: Sometimes, vulnerability might open up deeper wounds or issues. Don't be afraid to seek professional help. Therapists, counsellors, and support groups are there to help you navigate these complex emotions.


Alright, friends, we're nearing the home stretch, and what better way to round off our journey than hearing from those who have embraced vulnerability and transformed their lives?


Sarah's Story: Remember Sarah from earlier? By opening up about her struggles with her partner, she was able to rebuild her relationship and discover a deeper connection.


John's Story: John, an aspiring writer, battled self-doubt for years. By embracing his vulnerability and sharing his writing with others, he eventually published his first novel.


Melissa's Story: Melissa, a corporate executive, found that by being vulnerable and authentic with her team, she was able to foster a more innovative and collaborative work environment.

Each of these stories is a testament to the power of vulnerability. It's not a weakness; it's a strength. It's a path to growth, connection, and a more fulfilled life.


Wow, what a journey we've been on together! From understanding the problem with our fear of vulnerability to exploring its various aspects and finally uncovering strategies to embrace it, we've taken a profound look at what it means to be human.


If you've found value in today's episode, please subscribe, share it with your friends, and let's continue this conversation. I'd love to hear your stories and thoughts on vulnerability. Reach out on my social media channels, or leave a comment below.


And remember dear listeners, it's okay to be you. It's okay to be vulnerable.

Until next time, keep building those bridges of being.


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All right, friends, before we dived into the deeper aspects of vulnerability, we looked at how it can be both a struggle and a strength. Now, let's get into the nitty-gritty of how vulnerability plays out in our everyday lives.

You see, vulnerability isn't just a grand philosophical idea. It's something we encounter daily, sometimes without even realizing it.


How many times have you held back from saying what you truly feel? Maybe it's a discussion with your partner, or perhaps it's a conversation with your boss. You hold back because you fear judgment, rejection, or maybe just the unknown.

But here's the thing, that fear of opening up? It's creating a barrier. By not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in our communication, we often miss the opportunity for deeper understanding and connection.


Parents, this one's for you. Parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences out there, and it's also a place where vulnerability plays a huge role.


I'll share your typical personal story here. When you daughter was going through a tough phase at school, you feel the pressure to have all the answers, to be the strong one. But one day, just sit down with her and say, "You know what, sweetie? I'm scared too, and I don't have all the answers. But we'll figure this out together."


That moment of vulnerability changed our relationship. It allows us to connect on a deeper level and tackle the problem as a team.


The workplace is often a space where vulnerability seems like a big no-no. You've got to be strong, and confident, and never show weakness, right? But what if I told you that vulnerability could be your superpower at work?

Being open about your challenges, asking for help, admitting when you're wrong—these aren't weaknesses. They are signs of a true leader, someone who values collaboration and growth.

Research by Amy Edmondson, a professor at Harvard Business School, shows that creating a culture of psychological safety, where people feel free to express themselves without fear of judgment, can lead to more innovation and success in organizations (Edmondson, 1999).


All right, friends, we've covered a lot of ground, haven't we? From communication to parenting to professional life, vulnerability is weaving its way through our daily interactions. It's not about weakness; it's about courage. It's about being real in a world that often expects us to wear masks.


We've got a lot more to explore, so keep those ears tuned in, and don't forget to hit that subscribe button if you haven't already. Your support means the world to me.


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