Christians Resist Turing to Their Church in Times of Deep Grief

My wife and I conducted GriefShare classes through our church for a number of years. GriefShare is a wonderful Biblical Christian counseling ministry, focused primarily on helping people deal with the loss of loved ones. 

Further, I am sure many Pastors who spend more time counseling members that preparing for their Sunday sermon would strongly disagree with me (at least I hope they would). But there seems to be a difference between publicly asking for prayer for Aunt Sally and her upcoming surgery, and the depths of despair the loss of a loved one can bring. It does seem concerning that when we are at our lowest, the church we attend and the Christian friends we have made are not always the place we seek for comfort.

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Welcome to Biblical Christian Worldview's Selective Article Podcasts. So let's get started. Christians resist turning to their church in times of grief. My wife and I conducted grief share classes through our church for a number of years. GriefShare is a wonderful biblical Christian counseling ministry focused primarily on helping people deal with the loss of loved ones. What we discovered is that nearly all those attending our meetings were not from our church. As we explored the problem more deeply with those who confided in us, it seems that there is a reluctance for Christians in turning to their own church in times of deep grief. Many felt embarrassed that they did not have the ability to move on in their lives. Some had not cleaned out their spouse's closets for years after their passing. Some could not sleep in their bed anymore. Others had eating disorders, uncontrolled emotions from trigger events, anger, isolation, and so forth. For some they felt their church friends were tired of hearing about their loss and simply wanted them to just quote unquote move on. Some found their old friends became uncomfortable around them, not knowing what to say. If it was a death of a spouse, their old friends who were couples no longer invited them as singles to get togethers. There was also a sense that gossip within the church prevented them from showing up, much less opening up in a meeting with other members experiencing the same level of grief. People in church might see them coming to grief share and feel sorry for them, or feel they were too emotional or too needy. We sadly live in a world which often punishes weakness, even in the form of justified grief. Church is supposed to be a place of compassion and grace. It's called to be a place where members can share their deepest issues and receive a level of accountability. But more than that, love. From the food pantry to meals on wheels to visitation, hospital visits, elder care, small groups, and on and on, our church does all the right things. The churches our grief share participants came from were largely of the same caliber, but when it came to deep, unrelenting grief, church members went where they were not known in order to go deep. They went to groups who did not know them, their past, their family, and their lost loved ones. Anonymity was more important than relationships, even in a Christian setting. I'm only expressing what we saw and was confirmed by other grief share leaders from churches nearby. This is not intended to be a condemnation of the church. I strongly support attendance in biblical Christian churches. I think it's critical that we come together in fellowship, teaching, and accountability. To be on your own as a Christian is to be subject to being blown around by every wind of teaching. Further, I'm sure many pastors who spend more time counseling members and preparing for their Sunday sermon would strongly disagree with me. At least I hope they would. But there seems to be a difference between publicly asking for prayer for Aunt Sally and her upcoming surgery and the depths of despair the loss of a loved one can bring. It does seem concerning that when we are at our lowest, the church we attend and the Christian friends we've made are not always the place we seek for comfort. Finally, I'd like to offer a postscript to this post. After writing this post, but before publishing it, I happened to be at an upward basketball game watching my granddaughter cheer. During the halftime, as is always the case, there's a devotion and a prayer offered. Today, it came from a woman in her early thirties offering the love of Christ to those willing to listen. Her illustration was based on the recent unexpected loss of her husband and the love and support her church family provided. She finished by saying had they not been there to provide support for her and her kids' loss, she would quote likely not be standing here today, unquote. I think God was speaking to me that perhaps there are times when the church, which is really individual bodies within the church, do successfully take hold of those in deep grief. And for that, I praise God. Thank you for listening, and thank you for serving our risen Lord. Today's podcast article was brought to you by BCworldview.org, providing honest reporting and analysis on the intersection of contemporary issues and theology based on a biblical Christian worldview. May God bless you as you continue to walk through this life with our Savior and Lord.