Decoding Your Emotional DNA: The Key to Breaking Generational Patterns

What if the emotional patterns holding you back aren't even yours to begin with? Judy Wilkins-Smith, systemic work expert and author of "Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint," reveals how the thoughts, feelings, and behavioral patterns we struggle with often echo through generations of family history.

During our profound conversation, Judy shares the revolutionary concept of emotional DNA – the inherited patterns that shape our relationships, careers, and especially our connection to money. She skillfully explains how to identify when you're caught in ancestral limitations, recognize what's "trying to stop through you," and transform these patterns into something entirely new. As she puts it, "You're not broken. We're not born broken."

The most powerful revelation? We're all born with a complete language, but most of us only access the limiting half – the "you can't," "you shouldn't," and "be humble" messaging that keeps us playing small. Learning to access the other half – "you can," "you're wise," "you're limitless" – is where true transformation occurs.

Judy's approach to family systems is refreshingly practical. When we feel stuck, irritated, or fixated on particular issues, these are clues showing us exactly where emotional patterns need examination. By understanding that transformation travels through generations just as trauma does, we recognize that changing ourselves creates ripple effects that heal both past and future.

For those struggling with wealth and abundance, Judy offers a paradigm shift: "Money is not a commodity; it's a relationship." Her upcoming Money DNA event at Disney World (November 5-8) will help participants uncover their inherited financial patterns and create a new relationship with wealth built on possibility rather than limitation.

Ready to decode your emotional blueprint and discover what's trying to start through you? Visit judywilkins-smith.com to learn more about her events and international bestselling book available in eight languages worldwide.

Transcript

Introduction to Judy Wilkins-Smith

Announcer 0:00

Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell, your source for helpful information, advice and tips to live your life in a mindful way in this increasingly chaotic world. For over four decades, Dr Douglas has been teaching people how to develop their intuition and live their lives in a conscious way. His news and views of the world tomorrow, today, are always informative and revealing. To learn more about Dr Douglas, be sure to visit his website, douglasjamescottrell. com, where you can download self-help exercises you can do right in the comfort of your own home. And now here's your host, Dr Douglas James Cottrell.

Douglas James Cottrell 0:43

Welcome everyone. We're here today with a very, very special guest, Judy Wilkins-Smith. It's a delight to have you today, my dear. I'm looking forward to finding out all about your wonderful book, your life and your upcoming events. You're such a dynamic person I really don't know where to begin. So let's start a little bit about who are you to our audience, who might not know you there might be one or two people in the world who don't know, but maybe we'll try to address that. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 1:15

So who am I? I am originally from South Africa, now living in Texas. I'm an executive coach and I'm also a systemic work and constellations trainer and facilitator and I offer live events in addition to my executive coaching. So with my executive coaching, I coach top executives around the world. My live events are open to the public. So that's a little bit about me. I'm very lucky. I've gotten to do this work all over the world.

Douglas James Cottrell 1:48

Well, I read in your press kit you have quite impressive credentials, I might add, and I want to know a little more about the wonderful things that you're doing, about your let me get it to a steer and I say it correctly your transformative world of systemic constellation work. Wow, that's a lot of words put together and I'm really curious to find out about that. And I'm going to also mention, while we're talking, decoding your Emotional Blueprint book. I love the title. Everybody should go out and buy one Tomorrow, because I talk about emotional immaturity, spiritual immaturity, and maturity, of course, is on the road that everybody is.

Douglas James Cottrell 2:32

But when I saw the title of your book and it's a very nice title and a very nice cover as well I was struck with decoding your emotional blueprint, I think the world today we're on this big spiritual lesson about maturing emotionally, and that'll lead us into the rest of the benefits that will come along with that, before we get into this amazing talent of transforming the world of systemic constellation work. Pardon me, I just love the title Is is it combined? Can we talk about that? I talk about the book at the same time of course, of course tell me about the book.

Douglas James Cottrell 3:12

How did you get the title?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 3:14

oh, so I had been teaching this work for quite a while and um, with my particular approach with with much of systemic work and constellations. It's about identifying the emotional, or identifying the pattern in the family that's passed down to you and has you stuck. But what intrigued me more was and then what, and so I began to play a lot in the and then what, and so mine is all about emotional DNA. What are the patterns of thoughts, feelings, actions? All about emotional DNA. What are the patterns of thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions that you've inherited? Where did they come from? How do they impact you?

Understanding Emotional DNA and Patterns

Judy Wilkins-Smith 3:50

Most importantly, what is your purpose with them? In other words, are they trying to stop or start through you? And where something has always been limiting, how are you going to decode it and reframe it into the grand purpose of limitlessness that it was supposed to be? So it's really about leveling up as a person and leveling up our souls and our spirits, and we think it sounds very airy, fairy and very out there, but what I've done is break it down so that, even though it's deeply transformative, it's also logical and easy to follow, because I think so many times we get lost in these whole grand ideas of becoming the bigger person. This shows you how.

Douglas James Cottrell 4:35

Well, I love it. I love it. While you're talking, my mind is seeing all kinds of clients I've had and circumstances that have come up, and even you've addressed some of the questions I was going to ask you. There's a two-step process as far as I'm concerned. First there's the well three, there's the one live in bliss, you're ignorant, live your life and suffer. Endure life is what I like to say. But if you're a little wiser, pick up your book, of course, because this is one of the first, I guess, books that has addressed the basic issue of what's life all about? Why did this happen to me? This is unfair. You know, my parents were to blame. My job, my boss is to blame, blame the world is to blame, not me. So when it gets to that point, when somebody's at that fulcrum in their life and they say there's got to be an answer, there's got to be a solution, because I, I believe, for every issue, challenge, there is always, always, always a remedy, a solution, an alternative.

Douglas James Cottrell 5:43

So and a gift, okay, and gift because that's kind of where I was going. So when one looks back, I mean everybody's surprised. Somebody will say how is it you can fix cars? You've never gone to school. They say, oh just, he's a natural right. Oh, he just, they play these concertoso, this music, these instruments. Oh well, they're just just a child protege, it's natural, they're a savant, they know how to do this.

Douglas James Cottrell 6:12

There's always some term for what the person is doing, but I think you've nailed it by saying it's in your emotional dna. These talents and abilities come along with you. Human nature always looks at the, you know the, the spot on the uh, the stain on the on the window, and not looking through the big vista. So how is, how is it that you have addressed this? Or or can you, can you help my audience say this is what you do? First of all, you recognize that you have these innate talents good, bad and better. And how is it when they come to that point? This is the two points One, they recognize that there is some problem and two, that somewhere inside of you is a solution. So how do they get to that point?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 7:03

So I love that you said somewhere inside you is the solution, somewhere inside you or somewhere in your ancestry, but ultimately, somewhere inside you absolutely is the solution. So what happens is this we have an event that happens. Perhaps it was the Great Depression. During the Great Depression, some people made money, a lot of people lost money, and you want to listen to what each one told themselves. The ones who made money went here's an opportunity. The ones who lost money went. Everything is lost. And so it became, because what we tell ourselves, when our brain tells our body, a story that our body believes, that becomes the truth, good or bad.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 7:44

So, we're either negatively aligned head, heart and gut or positively aligned, and so a lot of this work is about. So you're negatively aligned. What's going on for you? What I say to people is look where you are irritated, sad, unhappy, dogmatic, terribly stubborn, fixated on or obsessed with a particular subject and you're feeling stuck and you want to sit down and write down all of your thoughts, all of your feelings and all of your actions around that. That's going to tell you the pattern that may have echoed down for many generations and is trying to stop with you. It's irritating you enough that you're going. I don't want this, I don't like it. So that's part one. If you then go, you know what I wish. You know what my heart's desire is with this. If only I could sit down again, write down your thoughts, feelings and actions, because that is the pattern that's trying to start through you. So you've got the two sitting right next to each other.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 8:46

The one that's trying to stop has gifts. It's telling you what to not do. It's also telling you what is done, and it's giving you the gems out of that that say don't be stubborn like us. You're open-minded. This is a gift, or actually you're open-hearted. It's not about the mind. This is a gift, or actually you're open-hearted. It's not about the mind. So each one is giving you clues, and you don't want to push away the one that wants to stop. You want to look at it for wisdom. And then you want to turn around and start creating the thoughts, the feelings and the actions that make you grin and make you smile and light you up and you're going, yes, and then what you've got to do to bridge between the one and the other is make this journey so exciting that it's too exciting to stay here, and it'll pull you past all of the thoughts and the excuses that keep you stuck. When you do that, you're well on your way.

Douglas James Cottrell 9:40

Well, I love what you just said. I think that's an amazing description on how a person come to that point in their life to say you know, I've had enough, I want to be different. Of course, people are spending a fortune on motivational books and I had a guest some time ago saying he's come up with a new affirmation. That's not an affirmation, it's something different, and I was listening to him intrigued. And so people are searching and what you've just described is it's not an outward search, it's an inward search.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 10:15

Very much. It is Absolutely. The other thing for people to recognize is we're born with a full language, but we only speak half, and it goes to that thing that you said about the stain on the window you can't, you shouldn't, you're stupid, you're dumb, you're small, be humble, disappear. That's half of the language we were born with. There's another half you can, you're wise, you're limitless, you're capable, absolutely, you should, and this is the language that we're almost forbidden to speak. But when we begin to look at it and see that this language is not the truth, this language is your fuller language, it's the growing up language we realize that we've just had an arrested development. We stopped. Instead of going this was here and this is now, and look what I can do, and really encouraging ourselves, we invest in what we've been raised on, which is you're just hopeless. You should die nicely and maybe you get a good seat in heaven.

Douglas James Cottrell 11:14

No, heaven's right here, right now, and you can have it well, you know, in finances they talk about three percent of the population are wealthy and the other 97% are poor, meaning they are dependent on somebody else for their income. So, as I was listening to what was going through my mind, is this important thing? You have said the word I, meaning the person comes to that point. The word I meaning the person comes to that point somewhere in life. Whether you're in your 20s, 40s, 60s or 70s, it doesn't matter, but you come to that point all of a sudden that it's you, you, you and all the things you've been told has been propaganda, things you've been told has been propaganda, and that has been conformity from other people who are maybe a little jealous, or maybe they don't want you to get ahead, or maybe a little sad, a little confused, and we've all been there and that's okay.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 12:19

What we're locked into is what you would call a big global pattern. But think about it, we're pretty able to break that pattern if we want. We would, and we know this because we can cooperate and collaborate. Otherwise we'd all be banging into each other in our cars, but we're also able to flip that quickly. When Apple came out with their first, whatever it was, it did not take us very long to go. Oh, we can do that. So we're very capable if the incentive is there. So it's creating your adventure, and you've got to create an adventure that's big enough for you to be excited. Now it may be. I'm going to get healthy. I'm going to become wealthy. I'm going to make a difference. I'm going to be a difference. I'm going to be a philanthropist. Two things Don't go tell the world, because they will try and rain on your parade. Don't go tell.

Douglas James Cottrell 13:10

I love it Exactly.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 13:12

So that's number one. Number two be so excited that you cannot stand it. In the morning You've got to get out of bed and you're putting another piece in. And I would say one third final one is sometimes it may take a while. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever give up on your dream. It will happen if you invest.

Douglas James Cottrell 13:31

Well, you know, to me those are the three great pillars of success right there, and it's in your book Decoding your Emotional Blueprint. I want to tell everybody run out and buy your book right away, because what you've just said are the three basic things. I found out of my life the hard way and you get to that point. We all do so. The sooner the better. One of the ways to get sooner is to buy your book, or to read your book, I should say.

Breaking Free from Limiting Beliefs

Judy Wilkins-Smith 14:00

This is true. It really is written so that people can recognize very quickly that they're it and you're not a deficient it. People come to me often and they say I'm broken and I go. You're not broken. We're not born broken. You're born as turned you into a luxury model or a not luxury model, and we see this even with people who come from the most basic, basic lifestyle. Suddenly, we have a shooting star. What happened? They had more brain. No, they had more commitment and more will, and all they did was they said I'm investing. In fact, they didn't even have more will, they just had the commitment. They knew they were going to do it and they didn't let anything stop them. And this is very important.

Douglas James Cottrell 14:52

Right. I would agree 100% that being tenacious and having enthusiasm inside for your ultimate success. A very wise businessman once said to me Douglas, you have to have goals and you have to have a big success, but you have to have little goals and little successes along the way. Tell me about executives when you deal with them, because everybody looks at executives. They know it all. They have lots of money. What do they need to know? They're real people like you and I, and they weren't always.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 15:24

They're very real to know they're real people like you and I, and they weren't all very real people. They're lovely people. I have the nicest clients. I'm very, very fortunate. I have top executives in very big companies and people always say to me they're never going to tell you about their life. They can't wait to talk about their life because they know that once they start going in, they're not going to cap as leaders. They're going to start becoming visionaries who are limitless and their teams can only rise as fast as they are willing to rise.

Douglas James Cottrell 15:54

Well said.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 15:55

Over and over with executives who tell me well, I can never get to this position because and they've got a story in there that came from the family, and when we disentangle the story they go, oh, and suddenly they rise. So yeah, they're really good people.

Douglas James Cottrell 16:12

I've seen it in my life. Every huge business executive that I've dealt with over the last 50 years has had failure. Of course, they've had to pick themselves up, and that was the one thing they said. I didn't like it at the time, but it sure was a blessing in disguise. So they learn from their mistakes. They're always seeking and that's as you've just mentioned some of your clients are always they want to talk, they want to know more. They're always curious because they know there's more to know. Anybody who knows they know they know they know there's more to know. Anybody who's who's who knows they know, they know they know they need to know more. Pardon that tongue twister, but, but the point is go ahead I was just going to say you captured something beautifully.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 16:55

steve jobs said dreamers dream do is ask. They ask, they want know, they're willing to know Makes a difference.

Douglas James Cottrell 17:07

So how do you, when somebody comes into your office and you're there and you know you're the oracle, you're the lady with all the answers and they're sitting there, how do you think they look at you and what is their usual first question?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 17:22

if you don't mind me asking and what is their usual first question? If you don't mind me asking, oh, I don't mind. So when we first meet, I think they often look at me and go what are you thinking? What are you seeing? I know I can see it, you can see right through them. Yeah, what are you thinking about me? And I say to them here's the deal. I don't have the answers, you do, but we're going to find them together and you're going to be surprised at how wise you are, and that's my thing is.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 17:47

I want to go with you on the journey. We're going to find your story and it's going to be remarkable and it's going to be unique. And if you're willing to go on the journey, you're going to find out that you have an incredible purpose.

Douglas James Cottrell 18:00

Yeah, I'm getting excited thinking of all the people that come and as they sit across from you and they tell you the stories and you're seeing the map unfold. Right, it's a remarkable position to be in first of all, to see people coming and telling their stories. But is there a theme that, may I inqu inquire, that kind of bubbles up right away?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 18:31

Yeah, very quickly actually, because I start asking them immediately well, why are you here? What would you like to achieve with this? It's the same at a live event. If I do a live event, like the one I'm doing in November at Disney World, if I do a live event, it takes us about 10 to 15 minutes to understand what it is that they're wanting to work with and wanting to shift. And so what I do is I listen for a history, and if you're doing systemic work in constellations, then what you do is you listen to the history and you identify the relevant parts of that history. So maybe it's mom, dad, sister, brother, you, whatever that may be. So here's the magic piece.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 19:09

Then, what I will say at a live event this is not with all my clients, but at a live event what I'll say is I want you to pick someone to represent your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother and yourself, and so we gather those up and I say to them now set them in the room the way that it is for you with regards to the specific issue that we're working with, and they'll set it up and we'll see maybe mom's in the distance. Dad is right close by, the siblings are looking down and I start to ask questions what's that? Talk to me about mom in the distance, what's going on over here? And, all of a sudden, what they're doing is they're recognizing and seeing patterns in 3D. So they're seeing it, they're talking about it, they're hearing it, they're hearing their own conversations. They're watching these representatives start to move or look around and they're going oh my goodness, that's my mother or my. That's exactly what they would do, because we're very capable of sensing into systems, and so within a very short time, they can see what the problem or the issue is, and then they can begin to see what the potential solution is. And as they start to rewire the language, you can see it rewiring in the brain and you can see the body starting to do that, and they have those big aha moments. And these are what people come from all over, because they want to see what is this and how is it that I can shift quickly?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 20:32

And I think one of the things that I hear the most is how is this possible? I've sat with this for 20 years and we just addressed it in two hours or an hour. Well, it's because you're using those multiple sensations and you're engaging it in an embodied experience, and so the whole body is feeling it and downloading it, and so it's quite quick and it's quite profound. When I'm working one-on-one with my executives, I will sometimes use pieces of paper and we'll lay them down and look, but you get that same 3d, multi-dimensional feeling, and once they can see it, what we're literally doing is making the unconscious conscious and the invisible visible, and it's the first time that people have seen it. They see the pattern in front of them. They're going oh my goodness, do you mean it wasn't my fault? No, it wasn't your fault. Can you see where your mom's attention was? Oh, my goodness. So there are big ahas and insights that happen. So that's typical of the scenes that will unfold when I'm working with people.

Douglas James Cottrell 21:35

Wow, that's a lot, Absolutely a lot Before we go to a break.

Money DNA and Generational Wealth Patterns

Judy Wilkins-Smith 21:44

Tell me a little bit about what's going on in November, november, I am teaching money DNA. So where are your money patterns? Where did they come from? And when I say teaching, let me be clear, I'm not teaching, I'm hosting. So I teach a bit about it and then people get to go and work on their own money DNA with me. So we do that process I was speaking about and they work together in groups and so they're having aha after aha. So it's at Disney World, at the Beach Club, november 5th through 8th, and that one is open to the public. It's super popular because everybody wants to know why do some people make money and I don't? Or I make money, but now how can I elevate that and what can I do with it?

Douglas James Cottrell 22:26

or how can I keep it?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 22:29

and yes, that's a really big one.

Douglas James Cottrell 22:32

We'll touch on that again okay, but how can people find out about this or where can they go, your website or someplace? Well, how can they get so?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 22:39

if they go to judywilkins-smithcom, it's it's right under events, upcoming events. So they'll find that there.

Douglas James Cottrell 22:51

Okay, we're going to take a short break. We'll be right back after this.

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Douglas James Cottrell 24:09

And welcome back. We're speaking to this amazing lady who can find out, or help you find out. Let me say what's going on inside of you, what your emotional blueprint is and from what I'm hearing so far in this delightful interview, is this is an extremely valuable thing that everybody should consider. If they can't come to see you in November at Disney, then they should go to your website or wherever your book is available. And again, it's Judy Wilkins-Smith and it's Decoding Wilkins-Smith, pardon me, decoding your Emotional Blueprint. I'm going to get one myself.

Douglas James Cottrell 24:54

I mean, this is I know a lot about things, but what you're doing today is making extremely good sense to me. So, as we continue on this inner journey, the one thing that I found and I'll ask you maybe to elaborate, if you agree conformity is a sin and everybody seems to conform and, again, 97% of the population is not independently wealthy, so therefore they're failing at some degree, failing at some degree. So learning not to conform is a very valuable thing. And, taking your words, you take these people on this personal journey inside and you find out that they have been lied to, misled, propaganda has been given to them, they've been prejudged. Those are my words, not yours, uh, and so how, how is it that you get people past the sin of conformity and jumping through that threshold into this new life?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 25:55

I think that goes hand in hand so I would say conformity is not a sin, it's a sleep, and it's the big sleep that we've all been trapped in and prejudged. Yeah, it's more. What I notice is that there are patterns that we follow because we want to belong, and belonging is one of the greatest things in the human race. We want to belong, so we don't challenge the pattern. Now, when we challenge that and we're frightened, we won't belong anymore. So what I say to people is this when they say I'm about to step out of my family system, then there's going to be a problem. I say to them no, you're not, and they really are not. You're stepping ahead of the system. You're stepping beyond all of the old limiting sayings and you're looking at new sayings. So all you're doing is expanding the system and it will catch up with you, because the minute that you start to do something different, you can no longer relate to people the same way, nor can they to you. So really, what you're doing is you're playing a little bit in the quantum field. You're observing a new pattern into reality, and so what I also say to them is think of it this way. You have two choices in life Either you change a limiting pattern or you perpetuate it, which one? And if it's not a limiting pattern, if you've got somebody where there's a lot of wealth or really good humanity, you don't get complacent. Your job is to build the next level. Now I want to get back to you, because you've said it twice only three percent of the population is independently wealthy. Here is, here's what we do. So we go oh well, I'm not in that. Three percent instead of going, what do you mean? Only three percent, how do we get it to four percent? Let's do four percent. That's what it took for roger bannister.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 27:46

There's another one, I think it's stephen kotler, and he talks about a very particular rock that they scaled in one of the the national parks and it killed people. People couldn't get up it. It took him days and one guy came along and he stood back and he looked and he went no, there's the pattern there. And he went straight up. And as soon as he did that, everybody else did it. It just takes one. And why would you think the one is anybody other than you? It's you. And so that's what I do with people is to say to them here's your limitation, here's your purpose, which one are you going to sit in and then we move from the one to the other and it causes great change. It literally causes people to rewire neural pathways. And then they will tell me my health is better, my happiness is better, my family is better. No, you got better, you packed in and you stopped believing that you were a limited edition. You are not.

Douglas James Cottrell 28:49

I love your words. Everybody is an individual, everybody has unlimited possibilities. But again, it's believing the story of other people, right, and so when they get to that point, I could just see people with eyes big as saucers. This is why you know, when you have a lot of money, you give it away to everybody. Or this is why you are a beautiful person and you dress down.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 29:18

You don't want people to look at you that all comes down to the sentences in your family system or in the world system. So you were talking earlier about having money and keeping money. So if in your family system they pop up again and again in other versions until the pattern is looked at, so along comes you and you get all the money and then you start to lose, you go. What is going on then? When we look together, you and I, and we see great grandfather and I said you hold on, that was his pattern, it's not yours. You hold on, that was his pattern, it's not yours. Give that back to him and tell him that belongs to you.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 30:09

I can do it differently for you. Who lost? I can keep, I can change the pattern, we can go and invest differently. We don't have to gamble it all at the horses or put it all into one institution. What are the lessons from great grandfather? Well, when that happens, suddenly you can keep the money and suddenly great grandfather is not the villain anymore. He had money, so you have the DNA of money and he showed you what to not do. So thank you, great grandfather. Now I know what to not do and what to do. Great-grandfather, now I know what to not do and what to do.

Douglas James Cottrell 30:46

Well, I think that's a wonderful point. Everybody, as you advance outside of your family's class, if I can call it that, you don't know what it's like to be in the next level up. So somebody to a mentor or somebody to be your guide on safari, shall we say so you don't lose your money. I've come to my life, I've had lots of money myself, and when you're outside your family, outside your normal environment, and you're in a different world, you really do need guidance and direction. And when you're approaching that world, like now, to find out that great grandpa had a lot of money, the question is, how did he do it?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 31:33

Yes. What was his story? How did he do it? What are the really good parts of that that I can hold on to? And then for you, what is your big? Why? How did you? That's the Simon Sinek one. Why did you create that whole money piece? What drove you to do it and what are you going to do with it?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 31:53

And in systemic work in constellations, we talk about your, your bands, your money bands or your bandwidths. We don't above here. The minute we do, it's really scary, and what you've then got to do is say, okay, let me hear. What are the limiting sentences, the things that I tell myself that are going to pull me down, and what got me here? What were the elevating sentences? What did I tell myself that kept me going, kept me going and got me here? Okay, now, what are the sentences I need that are going to take me further on the journey?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 32:28

One of yours was I need a mentor. Absolutely. I don't need to know it all. Somebody ahead of me can help me. Who is that person? So you go and look. I need to be careful, because we know that my great grandfather lost this. I don't want to do that. So am I conservative with my money. What do I need to do that ensures that we're building? But always, what is my big? Why? I have a billionaire person, a client, and I said to him okay, so now you're the genie and in the lamp. What are you going to do with it? And he said huh, what do you mean? And I said what are you going to do with your wealth? And he said okay, uh, nobody's ever asked me that before. Why did you? Why did you make this? He said because in our family at one stage, everything went to heck and and we were very, very poor and I was super determined we were not going to do that. So I said okay, but you haven't put that to rest. You haven't said we're there, we're good. Now what?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 33:34

so he was holding on to that old thing and not spending anything and not doing anything. We've got to grow with it. If you're going to be wealthy, you've got to grow with the wealth and the rules and things that come with that absolutely.

Douglas James Cottrell 33:48

His fear was motivating him from the time. The family had that and he just he was on a locomotive going in that same direction.

Transforming Your Inner Narratives

Judy Wilkins-Smith 33:57

That was it Absolutely. And then he thought he was an imposter and somebody was going to find him out. And I said to him you're not an imposter. The minute you move beyond the system, you're a pioneer. It's not imposter syndrome, it's pioneer syndrome. You don't have the answers, but you're willing to go and find the answers well said, because people are afraid if they step outside the family norm.

Douglas James Cottrell 34:22

You know, all of a sudden the family is going to come and ask for money, they're going to be in situations and so maybe they give it away. So they, you know. So they don't. They're not bothered.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 34:33

They can go back to the pattern, because we're always have this unconscious loyalty. So it's the unconscious loyalty that we've got to break and say what is the new, what is the new feeling, what are the new thoughts, the new feelings, the new mindset? In fact, what is the new truth? Because, by the way, the truth is only your truth, it's not the truth.

Douglas James Cottrell 34:56

Well said, everybody has values and, of course, when I was a little kid, my tricycle was my most valuable thing. Then it was my bicycle, then my motorcycle, then my car and now my couch.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 35:12

I love it, but notice how, yes, if we don't grow with that, we're still stuck with a tricycle.

Douglas James Cottrell 35:18

Well, that's the thing, judy, is that people are afraid, in my opinion, of the next, the unknown. When we get to the threshold of success, some people turn away. They are afraid to take that next step and I encourage my clients and my friends take the next step, because you don't know what's going to happen and it's scary, but every pivotal point in your life you took that step. So don't be afraid now, but people pleasing, or conformity, or going back to the old pattern, as you so wisely said today, these are the invisible blocks, would you say. You use the term.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 35:58

They're the systemic trance that pulls you back and you can feel that you're in a trance. It is the trance of the system and, yeah, you don't want to do that. You always want to say to yourself what more is possible here, not what less. What more is possible here, not what less. What more is possible here? Now I have people who challenge me because on my website I say how big are you willing to be? And somebody said to me the other day you're always about the bigness, the bigness, the bigness, the bigness. And I said yeah, because if you're not growing, you're slowing. And it's not about you have to have giant steps every day, but it is about you were given the mind and a body and what is the most that you can do with that? And, by the way, the byproduct of the most you can do with that is you won't just benefit yourself, you're going to benefit society and you want to have lots of wants.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 36:50

People are discouraged from having wants. Have lots of wants, it's how the world grows. There is nothing wrong with having wants. It's how a baby learns to walk. It's how we have a career. It all comes from a want. It is not an ego want. It is a deep want, follow the want. It is a deep want, follow the want.

Douglas James Cottrell 37:12

I agree where enthusiasm is your compass needle and keep going. My grandfather had a plaque and it was if you're not going forward, you're going backwards. So just to just to agree with what you said, and the successful people I've met in my life, they never stopped being successful and I concluded that they had two things and maybe you would elaborate One whatever they started, they finished. And two, whatever they started, they took a long time at considering to start it and then they were 100% behind it. No distractions, no delays, just one step after another. So in somebody finding out about their emotional DNA, people are afraid. They talk to other people down ladder rather than up the ladder and they get bad advice behind them. They should be talking to people above who give them good advice. They are a little reluctant because they don't believe in themselves. They have those patterns that you have so wisely written in your book about emotional blueprints that they have to I wouldn't say throw out, but they have to examine and correct and then, finally, they just have to keep on keeping on. And so when somebody comes to you, as you've said, these people have lots of assets. I personally believe that money doesn't make anybody happy. It gives them more responsibility and the things.

Douglas James Cottrell 38:50

But when they come to you and the question is this for people looking at this interview all over the world because we have an international audience I found people all over the world, by the way, are the same. No matter what country I've been in, what continent I've been on, everybody is the same. Obviously, you've been to many continents and traveled extensively yourself and have probably come to that same conclusion. But when people are looking at this and and they're right now wondering, yes, she's right, I'm gonna buy her book, I'm gonna go to disneyland and see her in person, how can I, can I do this? You know, how can I? Where do I get started? First of all, don't tell your family or anything. Okay, that's my advice. But when they get to that point, let me, let me, let me let you direct people. When they get to that point.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 39:45

When they get to that point, they're already on the journey. If they're picking up the book, they're already on the journey and they're saying I know that there's more for me, and it doesn't matter where you are right now, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what your circumstances are right now. All you've got to do is be willing to look and be willing to have a look at what's in front of you and acknowledge what's in front of you and then take those patterns and start building them into what you choose. And it is a 100% commitment.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 40:19

This is where people get stuck. They say to me this is a big commitment, and I said why you commit to a very average life every day. That's an equally big commitment. You're just changing the parameters, that's all, and you're making it fun. Yes, people think am I good enough? Can I do it? Can I not? There is nobody, nobody who cannot go to the next level in the next level. So that's the first thing that I say to people.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 40:44

Then I say to pick up the book and put down all of the old thoughts and beliefs, all the limiting ones. All of the old thoughts and beliefs, all the limiting ones, put them down. You have nothing to lose by putting them down for 10 minutes or 20 minutes while you read the book. You can pick them up again if you want to, but for a period of time. Allow yourself to believe in the possibility of what's next, what's possible here. Move from what is to what's possible, even if it's for 20 minutes a day, and begin to watch the difference. And also don't invest only in those lower level emotions. Start investing in excitement, joy, enthusiasm, imagination, gratitude, kindness. It doesn't take money, it just takes commitment, and you will then start rewiring your brain. And then they go. Oh, rewiring the brain, I'd say it's one new thought, one new action, one new feeling at a time. That's all you need at a time. Keep doing that. You will get to where it is that you want to be.

Douglas James Cottrell 41:51

Wisely said that you will get to where it is that you want to be. Wisely said, if you change one thing in your, in your life, it's like you're on a certain direction, on a compass, and if you change one degree you are not going to get to where you are headed. You're now going on a new path.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 42:06

You know there is that you said something earlier that I really liked. You said you have to have goals. You do, because otherwise any road will get you nowhere super fast. So you have to have a goal. But it doesn't mean that it's got to be that goal that's so far away that you can't do anything about it. It you should keep it there.

Trauma and How Transformation Travels

Judy Wilkins-Smith 42:27

But you're quite right, give yourself bite sizes along the way, because it builds that kind of winner effect in your brain, and I know there's a gentleman who's written about the winner effect. It's really important. You go, I can, I can, I can and you build it. And I promise you, when you've done it once, when you've had a dream and got the dream, you're going to do it again and again and again, because it's too much fun to not. That's when you come out. You were talking about those people who say, oh, I don't know if I can take that step. My words to those people are you have no idea of the incredible life that's waiting for you on the other side of that step. Take the step.

Douglas James Cottrell 43:11

Well said, that is the best. Let's take another quick break. We'll be right back after this.

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Douglas James Cottrell 44:34

I love what you're talking about, Judy. You're the best, Okay here we go Really Coming back, paul, coming back. Five, four, three, two.

Douglas James Cottrell 44:48

And welcome back to the show everyone From wherever you are listening to this show in the world. I am encouraging you to go and pick up your copy of Decoding your Emotional Blueprint by Judy Wilkins Smith. It's an amazing book that just I'm sure will change your life, if not change the course in your life, and get you back on that path. Tell me a little bit about the blueprint of your emotions, if people are wondering about that. What exactly does that mean?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 45:19

Sure and just by the way for people all around the world. The book is now in eight different languages.

Douglas James Cottrell 45:27

You know, I think you must be a little intuitive, because I was thinking that I was going to ask. Well, there you go. I thought it eased into it.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 45:39

They can pick it up in their own language. I know that in Latin America it's becoming very popular too. So, tell me what it was that you wanted to know about the emotional blueprint.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 45:55

So your emotional blueprint is a combination of a couple of things. First of all, it's all the things that you have seen, heard, observed, assimilated and inherited as a kid and growing up. You've watched your mother or your father struggle. You've seen it. You've watched your mother or your father struggle. You've seen it. You've heard the fights. You've then made that into something around money and that becomes a bit of a blueprint for you and if you go back you'll see that your mother and your father had the same blueprint or a similar one. So there are all of the patterns around relationships, leadership, career, you name it. You name it money. We've got these from the ones who came before us, which, by the way, is another really good reason to do your genealogy, because genealogy is not just about where you belong, it's also about the events in your inheritance and about what they mean. So when I do this work, it's also called genealogy 3.0. Means. So when I do this work, it's also called genealogy 3.0.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 46:57

Genealogy 2.0 is the events in your life or in your ancestor's life. So that's the one piece. The other piece is your epigenetic imprint. So you have an event. An event causes a reaction. The reaction starts thoughts, feelings and actions. And if those thoughts, feelings and actions are strong enough, they create an epigenetic imprint onto your genetic coding. In other words, they then begin to activate or deactivate some of those switches and when that happens, you may suddenly become predisposed to or your emotions may be, a specific way.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 47:32

Now there are two lots of studies that are really important. One is the Great Dutch Hunger Winter, where they observed a village that was entirely encircled by the Nazis at the time and they were deprived of food and water, so they basically lived off what was there for three months. And when they studied the mothers who were pregnant with children at the time it's a long study, but they discovered that this had impacted the children as well as the mothers, but even more interesting was that it impacted their children and their children's children. So we had four generations of that study and you could see where the PTSD markers were elevated and what had happened physically for those children. The other, more recent one is the study of the 9-11 mothers and those who were carrying children and the fact that their children have elevated PTSD markers too. So we now know that trauma travels.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 48:30

But here's the other piece that we don't look at Transformation also travels. So if you start to change a pattern, you're not just changing it for you, you're changing the narrative going backwards, but you're also changing the pattern going forwards. So trauma travels absolutely, but transformation travels, and that's where we need to be focused is how do I make a difference? What is my purpose? What exactly am I passing on to my children? Because it is not just physical DNA, it is absolutely also emotional DNA, absolutely auto-emotional DNA.

Douglas James Cottrell 49:11

Wow, that explains something I've seen in one family. One person does something and the ripple effect I would call it goes out to all of their siblings and parents and all of a sudden, mom and dad are a little more lively. They're not just sitting home and the brothers and sisters maybe they're a little jealous, maybe they're a little whatever they're motivated to. And then the person's children. The children start to give their parents respect and they start to see newness in their parents. So that's right show right now.

Douglas James Cottrell 49:53

Wherever they are in the world, you could be the person that takes your family into this next. What can we call it?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 49:58

age or the next very. It's the new pattern, it's the new dna that's forming. It's um, it's like the person who came to me and said to me uh, I can't belong in my family because I'm very happy and generous and sharing and my family is very stoic and all I ever got from them were little, little drops of love. And then I said tell me about your parents. And she said well, they were from the Holocaust. And I said hold on, hold on. Could your parents give you or demonstrate big emotion? She said no, they'd have been killed. I said, but they gave you the little drops and look what you've made. Of course you belong and it changed everything for her there goes that value system again.

Douglas James Cottrell 50:42

There it goes. Other people down the street have parents do this. But wait a minute. Your parents went through this horrific time. They survived, god. God bless them and they were still able to raise you as a child and give you whatever. Wow.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 50:58

Exactly, those are heroic parents. They're heroic parents. I had one I think he'll stay with me forever who walked in, a lady who walked in and said I'm a professor at a particular university but I can't even talk to people because I'm so embarrassed and I'm so shy. And I said to her what's going on. She said my mother's a prostitute. So I said wait, what? Because people tell me all sorts of things. And I said to her do we mean literally, figuratively? She said no, she was. She grew up when she was three. There was a particular set of circumstances and this happened to her and it was the way she survived. And she said I'm so embarrassed. And I said you're embarrassed. Your mother had to survive. She's a hero. And she then raised normal children. All four of you do well in the world. How are you not celebrating?

Douglas James Cottrell 51:46

she went oh my goodness, I never thought of it that way taking other people's values and opinions and putting them on themselves, throw away and get that search inside that emotional DNA.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 52:00

Wow, one of the things that I encourage people to do, often if they struggle with their parents, is look at their parents background and then see how, in some very small way, your parent is actually a hero. And that's a challenge for people, but it's there.

Douglas James Cottrell 52:21

I've got a. I've got a patch on the back for saying that. It's almost bringing tears to my eyes from people. I know people complain to me. I grew up where I talked to my mentor, Ross Peterson, who taught me what I know about what I do, and he said well, you know, you're going to have to forgive your dad and I did, and wow a big relief.

Douglas James Cottrell 52:51

But now, at my age, looking back, my father was 38 years older than I was. He was 38 when I was born. So he had this rebellious, rambunctious, teenage, know-it-all, square-headed kid to deal with and he raised me, he provided for me and I turned out okay and now I have the greatest admiration and love for this poor man who works so hard all of his life. But when I was younger I thought what does he know?

Money as a Relationship and Disney Event

Judy Wilkins-Smith 53:23

And we think it's all about me, but it's also all about them. They are people too. They are people with dreams too. I had somebody stand. He said to me I can't stand my mother. And he called her all sorts of names. And I said tell me the story. And he said well, this is my mother and she's very self-centered. And I said tell me about her growing up. And he said you know, when she was six, she used to have to go to the local bar and get the money from her father no, from the barman when her father was drunk, so she could get food for her siblings. And I said to him okay, let's just put someone up to represent your mom Now, tell that six-year-old how much you don't like her and how stupid she is. And he went. I can't do it.

Douglas James Cottrell 54:07

Wow. That's why your work is so valuable One person at a time, you're changing the world.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 54:16

People are changing themselves in the world, one person at a time, and I get to see that and I'm super lucky.

Douglas James Cottrell 54:23

Better said. Listen, I've got to ask you one last question before we go, and I want to know more about what's going on in Disneyland, disney World, and that is we're in a time now where we have AI, we've had COVID, the world everybody's angry, we have wars going on, we have gigantic earth changes and gigantic loss of life things that I have foreseen myself and and now here we are. I wrote a book called the new earth years ago, when people come in are they?

Douglas James Cottrell 55:00

is there like a an overtone to this? Now, when they come here, people are afraid of what's going to happen in the world. Their earth changes, the world's heating up, the, the oceans are, you know, the weather patterns are disaster. Is that an overview? I'm not trying to put you on the spot, judy, at all, but does that come in now when people come in to see you? Is that like a big factor in there?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 55:24

It comes in a lot. It changes very quickly when I point out that the one person who can do anything about it is them.

Douglas James Cottrell 55:31

Bravo, well said. Tell me a little bit more what's going on at Disney World.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 55:41

So at Disney World from November the 5th through November the 8th, we've got accommodations at Beach Club and the event is at the Yacht Club and the event is at the Yacht Club and for four days we're going to dive into. Where did your money DNA come from? How has it impacted you? How do you want it to be? How do we get you from where you are to where you want to be? And you walk away with a whole lot different mindset. One of the first things I teach people is money is not a commodity, it's a relationship and it is a very big wise force and it will show up for you the way that you show up for it. So you begin to form a very different relationship with money. You also begin to understand that it is not an inanimate object. It is listening and waiting for you to tell it what to do and it will walk with you.

Douglas James Cottrell 56:37

But you've got to be the one to approach money wow, I know there are super singers in the world and I know there are super money makers in the world and the really wealthy are the people that put those two assets together.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 56:52

Absolutely. I like your Super, super. What would I say? They move outside of the traditional mindset, they don't see the limits, they look for the possibilities, and money plays in possibility.

Douglas James Cottrell 57:08

You know that's a good point. People I know that are very successful as money no-transcript, who say like I want to make a million dollars. They say, okay, well, give me $100,000. I'll invest it for you to make a million $100,000, no way they're not willing to make that commitment you were going to say.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 57:46

Well, there's that commitment they don't make. But there's another commitment and people don't realize it the commitment to yourself. If you're not investing in yourself, if you're not learning, if you're not going and finding out what more you can learn, you're going to sit in the same flower pot.

Douglas James Cottrell 58:06

Surprise.

Announcer 58:07

Surprise.

Douglas James Cottrell 58:12

Oh gosh, my guest today has been the delightful and wonderful Judy Wilkins-Smith, author of Decoding your Emotional Bruple. It's been wonderful to have you on the show today. If I'm down your way, I will drop into Disney and take the event in myself. And again, where can people find out about this? Your website, or how do they get, how do they buy tickets?

Judy Wilkins-Smith 58:39

Absolutely. I would love to have you at Disney, by the way. So they can find out about the event at Judy J-U-D-Y and then make same word W-I-L-K-I-N-S-hyphen-smithcom, and if they just scroll down a teeny bit, they will see events and it's right there.

Douglas James Cottrell 59:00

Well, it's been wonderful having you on the show. Let's do it again sometime.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 59:04

Yes, please, I've had great fun.

Douglas James Cottrell 59:07

I did too. We made some magic, I think.

Judy Wilkins-Smith 59:11

Okay. So I have to share this with you before we go. I have to share this with you every single day before I walk out of the door. There is one thing that I say let's make a little magic today and I was just using your words in your email that you said it's been wonderful.

Douglas James Cottrell 59:32

Thank you very, very much Thank you so? Much it's been a pleasure. It really has been an education as well. This is your host, Douglas James Cottrell. Until next time, peace and prosperity.

Announcer 59:46

Thank you very much for listening to Wake Up. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe so you'll be notified when a new episode is posted, and we'd greatly appreciate your review of our show on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts to let others know about the great content we're producing. For more about Dr Douglas' self-development classes, books and other related products, please visit his website, douglasjamescartrellcom. Until next time, we wish you all of God's blessings health, wealth and peace of mind.