Wake Up

Fear Is an Illusion: Mind Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality

• Douglas James Cottrell PhD • Season 2 • Episode 3

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What if everything you believe about fear is wrong? Dr. Douglas James Cottrell delivers a paradigm-shifting perspective on the nature of fear itself, challenging listeners to reconsider an emotion that plagues countless lives. "Fear doesn't exist," he declares boldly, explaining that what we call fear is actually a condition we create through anticipating future events that haven't happened yet.

Throughout this eye-opening episode, Dr. Cottrell and co-host Les Hubert tackle the growing anxiety epidemic with refreshing practicality. Rather than offering generic platitudes about "overcoming fear," they explore how changing the conditions that trigger fear can eliminate it altogether. Faced with worries about break-ins? Install better locks. Concerned about financial problems? Consult professionals who can help resolve them. This action-oriented approach cuts through the mental rehearsal of worst-case scenarios that keeps so many trapped in anxiety.

The conversation delves deeper into the psychology of letting others determine your emotional state. "You don't have control over your reputation, but you do have control over your character," Dr. Cottrell reminds us, offering powerful techniques for maintaining inner peace even when facing criticism or negativity. Their discussion extends to building resilience through community support, learning from life's challenging lessons, and the importance of "rebooting" your mind when fear threatens to take control. Throughout, Dr. Cottrell shares personal anecdotes that illuminate these principles in action, including how his father's Navy experiences shaped a fearless approach to life's storms.

Whether you're struggling with personal anxieties or watching loved ones battle fear, this episode provides transformative insights and practical tools for reclaiming emotional freedom. Subscribe now and join this exploration of how changing your relationship with fear can fundamentally alter your experience of life. Your questions are welcomed for future episodes—because waking up to your own power over fear might be the most important step toward living consciously in our chaotic world.

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Announcer:

Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell, your source for helpful information, advice and tips to live your life in a mindful way in this increasingly chaotic world. For over four decades, Dr Douglas has been teaching people how to develop their intuition and live their lives in a conscious way. His news and views of the world tomorrow, today, are always informative and revealing. And now here's your host, Dr Douglas James Cottrell.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Welcome to the Wake Up, the broadcast where curiosity leads to deeper understanding. I'm your host, douglas James Cottrell, and my good friend and co-host Les Hubert is here with me, along with editor Jack Bailick, as we delve into the fascinating realms of life, metaphysics, spirituality and the pressing questions that shape our world. Good morning, Les. What's on the menu today?

Les Hubert:

What's on the menu, Doug, is fear. There seems to be a great amount of it out there. I even have clients have told me that some of their kids are trying to take medication because the fear is just getting out of control. They're wondering what's going on, they don't know how to handle it and they're very concerned. So how do we handle fear? Can we heal it? Can we walk away from it? What do we do?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, a long time ago, I came to this revelation. Fear does not exist. There is no such thing as fear. So that's a startling statement to make. But fear really doesn't exist. It's contemplation, worry, anticipation of something that hasn't yet happened. So whatever you're afraid of isn't fear. Fear does not exist. So it's the things that make you worried or afraid or out of sorts that test your willingness to proceed in life. So the idea that, first of all, fear doesn't exist and here's a test: Les, reach out and give me a hand of fear right now. Can't do it, so it's not tangible. Therefore it's not real. So there are conditions which fear is. The same as happiness doesn't exist. It's a condition, and so that takes us to, well, okay, if fear doesn't exist, fear might be a condition. What's a condition? And so a condition is something you manufacture yourself, my friends. Wake up. You are bringing this on yourself. You are putting things in your mind that don't exist. You are anticipating something that has not happened. You are wondering and worrying about what is going to happen, but the future isn't here yet. So how do you know that's going to happen? The chances are, when the future date comes, it's going to be in a moment and you'll find out what the decision is, the problem, the circumstance, the confrontation, and it's over in a minute. But all those days and hours and minutes that you were going over this problem in your mind, creating a condition that led you to this fear, condition that doesn't exist, that is the culprit. And so we say to ourselves you know what? What about fear? I don't want to fear something. Change the condition. What do you mean? Well, if you're afraid of somebody breaking in your house, put locks on your doors, put bars on your windows, and you've changed the condition. No more need to fear, but people do.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So, the point being is that it's in your mind, it's in your life, it's your condition, it's in your environment. And what do you need to do? Well, number one, change something. So move out of the neighborhood, if it's a spooky neighborhood. I f it's a bar or a room or a restaurant where things don't look well, leave.

Douglas James Cottrell:

ell you have debts to pay and you're worried about the IRS coming after you, go talk to a lawyer and handle it. Nip it in the bud, get the lawyer, the consultant or yourself call up and say: do I owe you any money? They're going to say no. Oh my God, after all that worry and fear, they're going to come and take all your assets away, you don't owe them money. What happened? Well, fear blinded you. Your mind is out of control. Your mind is rapidly galloping away down the road of condition and it's all a fantasy.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Now, make no mistake. We have emotions and I know how to feel fear and terror. I've been terrorized in my life. I've felt grief, I've felt loss, I've felt abandonment, I've been chastised, I've had people turn against me. I know what it's like. Those are all nasty feelings. As I keep accepting them, I keep getting worse and worse feelings. But what if I didn't care, I didn't try to people please, and say: that's your opinion. What happens? Well, it's like taking a little pin in the side of a balloon, right, it goes, pop and it's gone. No, it doesn't exist.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So understanding this is not psychology. This is just simple understanding that, in order to overcome fear, it's to, first of all, to understand what it is or is not. And if you can give me a hand of fear, okay. If you gave me a live hand grenade and pulled a pin, that's fear. I understand that, but I'm going to throw it away. No more fear. And so you can do this in life.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And attempting to come to that wisdom, that self-assurance, that confidence in yourself is to know that if you're in a something, a situation, a place or a circumstance or group of people that you're not comfortable with, leave. Don't be worried that, oh, where'd they go or what's the matter with them. Or you know that they're going to be concerned about you? Chances are they're not. They're just going to carry on with their dinner, have another drink and say, I don't know what got into them, they left, okay, so what's next? Y ou know?

Douglas James Cottrell:

So getting to control yourself, your thinking and balance your emotions by simply being disinterested in what other people think about you. . We all worry what other people are saying about us. Chances are they're not saying anything, but in our mind they're all chattering and telling rumors and slander about us. That does happen, that's for sure. But when somebody tells a lie about you or they slander your name, remember two things. One, they're showing you their spiritual poverty, their immaturity, their emotional immaturity and, most importantly, you don't have any control over your reputation, anyway. They they can say what they want and you going and fighting and saying"you're you're wrong, they're not going to change. You can't change somebody's mind. They have mental reservations. They can say oh yes, you're right, absolutely, you walk away, what What a jerk they were. So don't try, don't bother. Just remember: remember you have one thing that they cannot take away and that is your character.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And all the prophets, all the saints, all the people that have gotten anywhere in the world with great and wonderful things and inventions, all took criticism, rejection and they were sometimes humiliated and sometimes even destroyed. But their idea, their invention, always was something successful for the world when it was accepted and proven by people who were not narcissistic for whatever reason, attempting to shut down somebody's idea. Perhaps they were jealous of it, etc., etc.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So that's a little bit straying from the question of what fear is, but it comes back to you having good character in yourself.

Douglas James Cottrell:

First thing, don't run away. You're in a crowd of people. Somebody comes up and starts "you're this and you're that, whatever. You just sit there. You don't get emotionally triggered. Another way to master fear is don't to be triggered into emotion that you're not experiencing, weren't experiencing before, and you sit there calmly and you say "Okay, I'm sorry, you feel that way, but that's not the truth. Oh, you mean it isn't? "Nope, not at all. Oh, okay, and they go away. But you are in control, you're masterminding the moment. You're keeping the emotions on yourself, in control. You're not allowing something else to trigger you, to come into your mind and produce fear, anxiety, worry, even hatred.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And so, as you sit back and you say, okay, number one, doesn't matter what people say about me, doesn't matter what people think about me, next week, next month, they won't be thinking about me. A matter of fact, an hour from now, they won't be thinking about me either. Oh, but you will. If you accept their laundry, dirty laundry, you will have that churning around in your mind for all evening long, if not all day and all weekend. So stop it. You press the button and say wait a minute, that doesn't exist.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So, getting to fear, getting to anything of negative, derogatory thoughts towards yourself, you don't have to accept them. Wake up. Don't accept them. Say "no, you're wrong. What are they going to do? As long as you don't engage them and start the argument, because they're looking for an argument, you see. You say "no, you're wrong. Well, you could be right. You're right, okay, fine, you could be right".

Douglas James Cottrell:

And so, as you do this practicing, you get to the point of saying mind is the builder, mind is the way. Famous quote from many uh, soothsayers, philosophers, wise men: Mind is the builder. What is the mind? Not accepting what's in somebody else's

Douglas James Cottrell:

Oh, all, .,

Douglas James Cottrell:

Kick it out. Two, you have your own character. You could say well, you know, when I got up this morning I thought I was a pretty good person. I'm going to go back in that bed tonight and I'm going to say to myself what a day, wow, I survived, and what's next. And so, if you can get thinking along that way, it takes a little ambition, takes a little self-talking to. You know, it's okay to talk to yourself. You know, work things out, that's fine, you're not cuckoo. And you talk to yourself there, there, like a parent to a child, it's okay. You know we did all right

Douglas James Cottrell:

.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Yeah, yeah, we said something we shouldn't have said . Maybe I'll call so-and-so up and and I'll apologize, or well, I'll just let it go and see what happens. Chances are nothing is going to come about it. And so, as you start to look at, how do I stop fear from getting in my mind? Well, don't accept it. Number two, don't believe what somebody else says, just because they say it with authority. "You are a bad person. You did this, I saw you do that, oh my gosh. Well, no, the answer is: really? Maybe you got me mixed up with somebody else.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Whatever you say, you could be right, could be wrong, and you walk away. You don't let anybody trigger you out of your peaceful mind or peaceful heart. If you can keep your peace at all times, you're way ahead of everybody else.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And so when you sit down and say I'm afraid, yes, you are. Go talk to somebody. Not somebody that's going to chastise you or tell you yeah, you're wrong or you deserve it. Go to talk to somebody who'll say, hey, I've been there too. Yeah, that happened to me. I'm still .

Douglas James Cottrell:

, Get some advice from people who've had that experience. Do not go for from for people who did not have the experience because they don't know what they're talking about. Right. They they might give you some good pointers, but they don't know because they haven't had the experience. So you talk to people who've had the experience, you tell them, you lay it out and you say this... is what should I do. They'll tell you things and you either can accept it or not. You can do it or not, it's up to you. But most importantly, you... know let's take the computer problems. You know, when our computers are going a little wacky cell phones whatever what's the first thing we do? To self-correct, we turn it off

Douglas James Cottrell:

. Reboot, reboot. And that's how you have to do, my friends. When you're afraid, turn it off, reboot. Don't let those emotions go crazy. Go have a, a nice warm drink of hot chocolate or something else that settles you down and say, okay, well, hey, we've been here before.

Douglas James Cottrell:

You know, teenage suicides and things with younger people happen because they don't have the experience. They don't have previous disappointments, previous hurts emotionally. You know, been in love, fallen out of love. They don't have that experience, and so the weak ones perish. The stronger ones endure, like us. We've all had those things.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So when somebody is on the edge, suicidal or whatnot, you go to them and you say look, it's up to you, whatever you want to do, you have free will and free choice. But I implore you, hang in there, because next year, next month, next time you're going to realize thank God, I didn't, because you know more. And so when you're vulnerable and you're not strong, then the emotions, the conditions overtake you.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And to be bullied is one of the worst things that can happen to anybody, young or old. Being bullied is part of life. You need a support group, you need a community, you need an organization that know you and when you say, boy, did I ever screw up today? I blah, blah, blah and they say, well, I did that too. You know, like shame on you, you shouldn't have. And you go, yeah, I know. And somebody says are you ever going to do that again? And you say absolutely not. Say, good. That was an excellent lesson. That's going to save you in the future. But if you have a support group and you talk things out and you talk to people where these things have happened they don't admonish you, they don't belittle you, they don't tell you to self-correct, they don't give you silly advice. Then you're talking to somebody who can pat you on the back and say, well, yeah, you got a bruise, you'll get over it, but not in the sense of yeah, you'll get over it. It's like you'll get over it and this is how you're going to have to get over it.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And so when that happens, it's like somebody gave give you a hand grenade. You're paralyzed with fear. It's going to blow up in your face. But if you look at it and say I don't want this and you throw it away, nothing is going to happen.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And so part of the secret of handling fear is handling the conditions that bring on the fear. If you get rid of the conditions, bye-bye fear. Doesn't exist. Wake up, my friends. It doesn't exist. But you've got to come to that on your own point of view, your own reckoning. I know you're saying to me: sure, yeah, you don't know what you're talking about. Maybe, maybe. Or maybe you're saying, Douglas, you and Les are absolutely right. Yeah, that happened to me too. Whatever you're saying, it's up to you. Wake up. You have to solve this situation. You have to handle it. Not me, not Les.

Douglas James Cottrell:

The way we handle these things is the way we handle them. Different from you. Remember, there's 144 different patterns of people out there in the world. You are one of those patterns. That means there's 143 different ways of handling any situation in life. The way you handle it is: don't let the conditions build. Don't let the conditions become so immense that you become buried into this quagmire of self-pity, of failure, of giving up. Break out, wake up, get those elbows going, get out of town. Hey, you want to see what you're trying to stop me. You want to see what I can do? Watch me.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Many times Les, you've probably heard stories where people have been told that'll never work. You're crazy. And what did the person do? They dug in their heels and they made it happen. And then, after it was invented, they come back to the same people who said it'll never work and say what do you think of that? And they say that was lucky.

Les Hubert:

You know, when I was a little boy, I remember my grandparents were petrified, especially my grandmother. She was petrified of lightning and we would go up to visit them every weekend and it was a lightning storm going on, a thunderstorm. And my father walks in with me and grabbed my hand and he sees my grandmother clutching her rosaries and he's going, okay, and he grabs me by the hand and he goes and we stand in the midst of this wonderful thunderstorm. Not dangerously so. We weren't standing under a tree. And I'm looking, he goes, see this, he said. Don't be afraid of this. He said, as long as you know what you're doing, do not be afraid.

Les Hubert:

He couldn't stand that kind of fear and he was always calm and cool. And I said dad, how do you do this? And he said well, when you were in the Navy and you survived typhoons in mid-ocean, he said you'll learn how to control your fear. But I always was inspired by that. He just didn't let fear bother him. He said you know, you just know how to handle it. You stay cool and calm and connect. And I was like, wow, and instead of clutching you know and sitting there and shivering in fear, I was always inspired by that.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, your uncle -- did you say your dad or your uncle ? My dad, yeah. Yeah, your dad was wise because he had the experiences of going through those typhoons. But I'll bet you, when he was like 17 or 18 or 19 years old on a big ship and the waves were over the bow, he was hanging onto that pole wherever he was, terrified.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And after the storm was over it was like, hey, it wasn't so bad. And the next one got easier, the next one. So that brings out a good point where I've seen people who are afraid of spiders. The way they became afraid of spiders was that their mommy or grandmother was afraid of spiders. And so when a spider was like ah, and so a child didn't know what to help... Well, a spider must be scary. Ah, and they grew up with the same phobia or fear. So the reverse is true.

Douglas James Cottrell:

But your dad was very wise in saying when you live through some tough times, this is nothing. And that, my friends, is how you live your life, because you will go through many life lessons. Every 10 years there'll be a major life lesson, and every week there's a lesson. And the more you go through, the more you get to be numb from being taken aside and fearful, distracted and people being able to push your buttons. That's how propaganda works, you know. They tell you: look out, they're coming for your children, they're going to get you. All this stuff is going to be happening. While they're sitting at an anchor desk on the other side of the TV. How do they know that? They don't. So you have to discern what people say to you. That's part of wisdom. And again, as you get older, and people, humans, as you know humans, you begin to understand like, okay, yes, chocolate's going to kill me, it's going to give me a heart attack. A couple of years go by, no, chocolate's good to have, it's an nutritious food. It's coffee you have to look out for. A couple of years ago. But no, coffee is good. It stimulates you, gets your caffeine. Cigarettes are terrible. They're going to kill you. Well, two or three cigarettes a day is okay for some people. Wine look out, that's going to kill you. Heart attacks, you know. Well, wait a minute. A glass of wine every day is good for your health.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Those are real stories I've heard in my lifetime. So wake up everybody. Listen to Les and I as we continue to explore these amazing questions you have. Please send them in. We'd love to hear them. We'll address them on air. Look at the email address or the website that you'll see in the banner and remember we're here for you. I'm your host, Douglas Cottrell. Until next time.

Announcer:

Thank you very much for listening to Wake Up. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe so you'll be notified when a new episode is posted, and we'd greatly appreciate your review of our show on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts to let others know about the great content we're producing. For more about Dr Douglas's self-development classes, books and other related products, please visit his website douglasjamescottrell. com. Until next time, we wish you all of God's blessings: health, wealth and peace of mind.