Wake Up

Finding Your True Path in a Chaotic World

• Douglas James Cottrell PhD • Season 2 • Episode 4

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Feeling lost in today's chaotic world? You're not alone. Dr. Douglas James Cottrell tackles the universal struggle of finding one's path in life—a challenge that's particularly intense for young people navigating our digital age.

Drawing from decades of wisdom, Dr. Cottrell reveals why most of us only truly "figure life out" around age 28, and how our thinking typically lags behind our actual age by about seven years. This developmental lag explains much of the confusion and identity crisis many experience in their formative years.

The episode's most powerful revelation? Keep your dreams, ambitions, and plans completely private. "Don't tell people your prayers, your plans, or your ambitions," Dr. Cottrell advises, explaining how well-meaning friends and family often unintentionally sabotage our dreams with doubt and misguided advice. Instead, he recommends speaking only to those who have already achieved what you're aiming for.

Dr. Cottrell shares the concept of "order of events"—the universal law that success requires completing steps in proper sequence without skipping ahead. Combined with laser focus (concentrating on just one direction rather than many), planning backward from your ultimate goals, and developing unstoppable willpower, this approach creates a formula for finding your true path.

Whether you're confused about career choices, struggling with identity, or simply trying to navigate life's complex journey, this episode offers practical wisdom that cuts through the noise. Listen now and discover how to trust yourself, focus your efforts, and build the willpower that Dr. Cottrell describes as "more powerful than all the bombs man could make."

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Announcer:

Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell, your source for helpful information, advice and tips to live your life in a mindful way in this increasingly chaotic world. For over four decades, Dr Douglas has been teaching people how to develop their intuition and live their lives in a conscious way. His news and views of the world tomorrow, today, are always informative and revealing. And now here's your host, Dr Douglas James Cottrell.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Welcome to the Wake Up, the broadcast where curiosity leads to deeper understanding. I'm your host, Douglas James Cottrell, and my good friend and co-host Les Hubert is here with me, along with editor Jack Bialik.

Les Hubert:

Thank you, Douglas. We're going to talk about how to find one's way in life. There are so many young people out there who are struggling to find a path and where they belong. They seem to say, every once in a while you hear them say they feel kind of like they don't belong here. How can we help these kids to find where they do belong?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, you know Les, that's an age-old question. Everybody feels like the black sheep of their family. They don't fit into society, they don't know how to be a man or how to be a woman. They have some identity crisis going on. And as I was growing up back in the day, we took our cues from the people around us, from television shows and movies and things like that, and we sort of stumbled through life, in the day.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Now, with the computer age, instant everything and the bombardment of social commentary just exasperates the stumbling around as one goes through puberty to become a young adult and then to find their way in life. So the key answer to this is to everybody: I don't want to sound like an old guy, but by the time you get to be about 28 years old, you sort of have it figured out. And by the time you're 33 to 35, at least for men (women are a little more mature, sorry, yes mature) they figure it out sooner than men but by that time you know somewhere around 33, you sort of feel like you're an adult. So the rule of thumb goes like when you're a teenager you still think like you're pre-teenager. When you're in your 20s, you think like you're a teenager. When you're in your 30s, you think like you're in your 20s. Naturally because you're basing all your thoughts, your patterns, your beliefs, your values on the seven years that you lived prior to the seven-year cycle, meaning 7, 14, 21, 28, 35, etc. So understanding that is a huge plus. Intellectually. At least, you know you're somewhere in between. To be a teenager these days is absolutely... y ou have to be really strong, really advanced. And of course the younger people are more advanced than us, naturally, because nature, you know, as we move through, the generation that follows us is more evolved, because they are the next generation period. They are naturally more, more evolved.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So the older people kind of a little jealous of the younger people and they misdirect you, they'll misguide you, they'll get uppity, they'll express themselves to their own shortcomings, to their value system, which is dated. They're past, even when somebody's 28, they're past 21. And think of this, my friends when you send men and women to war, what are they? 18 to 25. By the time you're 22 to 25, as a pilot, you're done. You're an old man. You can't take the stresses of being a pilot. So every occupation has its own particular parameters. And so as we stumble through life as teenagers approaching to be young adults, naturally it's overwhelming, but in today's world it's multiplied by I don't know 10. So... but also I don't want to say that that's a negative, in as much as that you're able as a teenager these years, and as young adults, you're able and capable to handle this because you're more evolved and you fit in. This is your time. Just like it was my time being a young man stumbling around, trying to take my cues from older men how to be a man. What's right, what's wrong, how to face disappointment and how to suffer betrayal from friends and things like that, and how to attempt to have ambition and try to go in a certain direction, to be successful, only to have people tell you no, no, no, you shouldn't do that. You know how much it costs to buy a franchise at a fast food joint? I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, part of the lesson there is to "ferme la bouche, as they say in Francais, meaning don't tell people your prayers, your plans or your ambitions. Keep them to yourself. And if anything that I can pass on to anybody listening to this, one important thing is be your own person. In other words, if somebody comes along and tells you "that'll never work. Don't believe them. But of course, if you don't tell them, they're not going to affect you by putting doubt in your mind that it won't work. Instead, you be your own person and when somebody says "that'll never work, I wouldn't do that, you get on it right away. The famous Walt Disney of Disneyland and Disney World he used to go out and he would go to restaurants and places (so the story goes) and he would vent his plans to people and if nine out of ten people said "it'll never work, he got on it right away.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Oh wow.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Because when it worked, all the people were"that' that's amazing. If he I went to nine out of 10 people and they said "that's a wonderful idea, that's great,". He dropped it like a stone. Now somebody can do private research and find it out, but I was told that, and I believed it from the source t hat told me that, way back in the day. He was trying to motivate me. So you be your own person. You make your own mistakes.

Douglas James Cottrell:

There's nothing worse in life, my friends, than to listen to somebody else and you follow their advice and they're wrong and you pay for it. You've made the mistake. Had you followed your own intuition, your own feelings, your own sense, you would have been right. Now, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out, because it happens and then you say "I should have listened to myself. Okay, the next time it happens, you repeat, you go out and you try to convince them that what you're planning to do is a good thing. They have no clue in their mind and so they just say no, they shoot you down. So it's called shooting the airplane down before it gets off the runway. That's the cliche. So don't tell anybody that you're on the runway. Fly the plane yourself. And when you start to fly, what do you have to do? Full power, and then the plane will lift, it'll fly. If you only give it a half power, you're never going to get off the ground or worse, you're going to crash.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So those simple steps in life is to remember if you have an idea, if you want to be an entrepreneur, or if you want to have a career and you want to do something that maybe everybody else in your family hasn't done, don't tell anybody you're going to do it. In other words, don't tell people your plans. Only person you can talk to about what you intend to do is somebody who's already done it. If you want to be an actor, you don't talk to people who are not actors. You go and you talk to an actor who has been successful and they more than likely would be willing to give you some advice. Maybe they don't because they don't want to influence you adversely, but you talk to people who are in the know. You go to an entrepreneur or a business man or an astronaut or somebody who actually has done it, and they're going to give you the right advice. Everybody else is going to give you what they think is the right advice, or they're going to make up and they're going to fib and they're going to give you what they think is the right advice and it's not.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So again, to be young and ambitious or have drive, you want to be somewhere in your future. A wise man, my friend, Ross Peterson, once told me: think like you're 65, where you are when you're 65, all the things you want in your life, and then work backwards and plan how to get those things. Not the other way around. When you're 20 and you want to be something and you want to go somewhere and you want to have a big car and money and whatever. Okay, now you know what you want when you're 20, but is it really what you want? And you have no plan on how to get there. You just have the destination but no plan.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And the final thing is: how many directions in life can you go at one time? Well, everybody tries to go in several directions. It's just the way it is. The more creative somebody is, the more plans or directions they want to go. They want to learn how to play a musical instrument, they want to be an architect, they want to be an equestrian horse rider, they want to make big investments in the stock market or they want to write a book. Guaranteed failure. Not because they're not able and capable. It's because they are distracted. Again, if you hold your hand up and you say how many directions am I going? If it's not one, you're in trouble.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Warren Buffett used to interview executives and he would teach them by saying: I want you to write down on a list the 20 things that you want to do. And the person would dutifully write out 20 things. And then he would hold it up to them and he'd draw a line under the third thing. He said, forget about the rest. You can only concentrate on these three things. That's all you need to accomplish in life to be successful.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So it comes down to saying: listen. And I know I was a stubborn, double-Capricorn, kind of ambitious, know-it-all, smarty-pants kind of guy, as most intelligent people are, and I've learned the hard way. But I also had my teachers come along. Out of the universe, somebody would drop in my life and say, Douglas, why don't you try this? Or what do you need that guy for? You know, meaning that... in your life, that he has given you... he's an anchor. So part of being successful is not to be codependent. Okay? Be dependent on yourself. Know that the universe will send people to you, if you keep taking your steps. And then go in one direction, or if you have two or three, that two or three things, items that blend together and you end up going down a single direction, that's allowed. But don't tell anybody, then acquire as much knowledge as you can about how to get to where you want to be, have the destination.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And so to answer the question. You know people are confused today. Well, that's the way we are. You know the people that are lucky in our life, they know they want to do one thing and one thing only.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I met a man once who knew, when he was eight years old, he wanted to be a stockbroker. His whole life: stockbroker, stockbroker, stockbroker. He did. And he ultimately became known as Mr Gold because he got involved in commodities and stock markets and ended up owning a gold mine. Wow. One thing. And so if you look at anyone and you talk to people who let's say, the board of directors, who hire intelligent people, they'll tell you they look for somebody that's laser focused, that they don't get distracted easily. They make up their own mind. It's not an arrogance, but it's a confidence of self-esteem, that they're able and capable to handle the position they're going into, because they have experiences in their past. And that's the only way you can get the confidence in the moment to go forward in the future. You can't just drop in and expect: Okay, here I am at a brokerage. Now I'm going to be a millionaire stockbroker. But wait a minute. What's a short? What's a call? What's a put? What's a stop short? I don't understand those terms. Well, let's go down the hall and learn how to do the mail packages, first, deliver them to the office. And so you build up this repertoire of experiences, and in order to do that you have to be patient. But if you have a plan, if you have a goal, a destination, and then, working backwards, you have smaller goals all the way back to the present, you will be successful. I call it the order of events. Okay. You can't want to go to Hawaii and be there tomorrow. You have a series of events that you have to work through, and if you don't do each event in sequence and finish the step or the goal before you go to the next one, you will fail. You won't get there. You want to go to Hawaii? Fine, what airline am I going to go? What hotel am I going to stay? How much is it going to cost? Where do I buy the ticket? Where do I rent a car? Who do I call today? Is my credit card enough that I can put all these purchases on? How much money am I going to take? I have to go to the bank. And so, you go through the process, you get down to have the ticket, the car is coming in the morning. Oh, I have to pack a bag. You can't pack the bag after you leave, you have to pack the bag ahead of time. So that simple, simplistic explanation is how not to be confused is order of events. It is a law. You cannot do things out of order or you fail. You have to go step by step by step. Write them down, make a list, check them off.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Many famous people I know, including the lady on the Shark Tank, she has what she calls the to-do list in front of her. It has five columns, I heard her tell this, the other day and she knows who she has to contact and what she has to do, and she writes in something she does, something she calls up about, something she assigns responsibility for, somebody else has to work for, or somebody has to carry out what she's ordering. That way, she knows where she is, at any moment. But if it's not in front of her, it's not on the list, she's going to forget about it. She's so distracted and has so many things to do, which goes right to your question.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So how can people figure out, not to be confused? Plan. Don't tell anybody your plans. Implement your plans yourself. . ot if you're not able and capable of doing it, it at that moment, get the equipment, get the experience, get the knowledge so that you can do it yourself. And, most importantly, . Teach teach yourself willpower. It's the most powerful force in the universe. Ross Peterson Peters once told me it's more powerful than all the bombs man could make and put them in one place. Willpower of one person. And so, if you have willpower, you're laser focused, you keep quiet, you don't tell anybody your plans and, most importantly, like the gamblers at the table, no need to count your money when you're at the table. Put it in your . Fermez la bouche. Go go home and then count your . And and, of course, when you make a mistake, experience. Limit limit your losses, losses if you can. But if you lose and you go bust, no reason not to start right over the next day and learn from what happened to you.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Mistakes and errors naturally come along. If you're on a highway, there's always going to be a pothole, always. There's always going to be somebody out there that's going to pretend to be your friend and they're not. There's always somebody out there that's going to try to steal your idea. There's always somebody out there that's going to try to get in and rob you, push you out of the way and take over your project. So if you have that in your mind that these are possibilities that are always going to happen, it starts with you talking too much. So if you don't talk too much, give away your plans, how much money you got, etc. etc. those people that come along will bounce off you. They won't try to get into your life to take advantage of you.

Douglas James Cottrell:

You know there's an adage, some wise man said: beware your enemies. We all know that. And then he said: but beware your friends more. So when you first hear that, like I'm saying that to people for the first time, when I heard it, I went: no, my friends are my friends. And then all of a sudden wait a minute. Friends may not be your friends when it comes to material things. They might try to take them away because they're envious or jealous or they think they're smarter or they deserve it more. All we have to do is slip over into the world of inheritances and see how families fight and how one child will try to take advantage and knock another child, their brother or sister, out of the will because they think they should get it all. So narcissists, egomaniacs, pretenders, dumb people that think they're really smart (those are the ones to really watch for), y ou have to avoid them. And so what are we saying here?

Douglas James Cottrell:

The image I have is get a broom and sweep your mind clear. Make a plan and say what you get, you deserve, because you did it. If you bring other people in like partners, whatever, you're bringing in some doubt. You're bringing in people who are relying on you to be right and they're going to take advantage of you. They don't need you as much as you think you need them. So how to be straight up and successful? One foot in front of the other. Rely on good old self. The universe to provide. Have a plan. Keep your plan to yourself and hide your wealth. Don't spread it around. Always be humble. Sign on the dotted line, when it comes time to do so. Don't procrastinate. You can't buy a house, unless you sign on the dotted line. Even though you have all the research and you've found three or four properties and they suit you, got the mortgage monies all together, you're all suited up, ready to go, you still have to sign on the dotted line.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So the final thing is commitment. 100%. When you're committed, if you have doubt in your mind, that means you haven't done your research, you haven't figured out all the possible things that might go wrong, or where the weaknesses are, or you're not assured that the steps you're going to take are going to be successful. Most successful business people know how to manage risk. So when they go into something, there's nothing unknown. They have gotten rid of all the uncertainties, they know exactly what's going to happen and then, when it happens, order of events, they know they're on the right track. If it doesn't happen, they get right on it, and they fix it. What's going wrong? What didn't I see? Let's fix it right away. A nd as you continue to take your steps with that process, that, my friends, is the key to success in anything, in everything in life. And it starts by listening to the Wake Up. And as you wake up and as you apply yourself, the amount of information to be successful is out there, all over the place. Focus, laser focus. Don't be distracted and remember: k eep your prayer to yourself and you will be successful. I'm your host, Douglas James Cottrell, with my good friend and co-host, Les Hubert. Until next time, let's wish you peace and prosperity.

Announcer:

Thank you very much for listening to Wake Up. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe so you'll be notified when a new episode is posted, and we'd greatly appreciate your review of our show on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts to let others know about the great content we're producing. For more about Dr Douglas's self-development classes, books and other related products, please visit his website douglasjamescottrell. com. Until next time, we wish you all of God's blessings: health, wealth and peace of mind.