Wake Up

Pain as a Catalyst: Why Suffering Serves a Purpose

• Douglas James Cottrell PhD • Season 2 • Episode 12

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Pain serves as life's greatest teacher, waking us from complacency and pushing us toward spiritual growth. Dr. Douglas James Cottrell tackles the age-old question of why suffering exists in our world, offering profound insights that transform how we view life's challenges.

Through powerful analogies and spiritual wisdom, Dr. Cottrell reveals that difficulties aren't random misfortunes but carefully calibrated opportunities for development. "The universe has brought this to me," he explains, "and I'm guaranteed that it will not be any more difficult than what I can bear." This perspective shifts our relationship with pain from victimhood to empowerment.

The conversation takes a fascinating turn when examining why seemingly good people face hardships while those who cause harm appear to prosper. Dr. Cottrell suggests that good people grow through challenges, becoming wiser and more resilient, while those who take advantage of others are simply "using up their good karma real fast" and building a spiritual deficit that will eventually require balancing.

Perhaps most practical is Dr. Cottrell's guidance for those repeatedly finding themselves victimized: learn to say no. "Don't be a doormat, be a doorway," he advises, emphasizing that setting healthy boundaries isn't selfish but necessary for spiritual growth. When we fail to learn these lessons, the universe continues sending similar challenges in different forms until we finally get the message.

The wisdom culminates in a philosophy of balance—moderation in all things, from work and play to food and relationships. Like a car we're given for life, our body and spirit require thoughtful maintenance and care. By approaching difficulties with optimism, setting appropriate boundaries, and maintaining balance, we transform pain from pointless suffering into purposeful growth.

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Announcer:

Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell, your source for helpful information, advice and tips to live your life in a mindful way in this increasingly chaotic world. For over four decades, Dr Douglas has been teaching people how to develop their intuition and live their lives in a conscious way. His news and views of the world tomorrow, today, are always informative and revealing. And now here's your host, Dr Douglas James Cottrell.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Welcome to the Wake Up, the broadcast where curiosity leads to deeper understanding. I'm your host, Douglas James Cottrell, and my good friend and co-host Les Hubert is here with me, along with editor Jack Bialik, as we delve into the fascinating realms of life, metaphysics, spirituality and the pressing questions that shape our world. Good morning Les.

Les Hubert:

Doug, we have an interesting question for you tonight. It concerns many people. The question is: why do we experience pain in this world and why do bad things happen to good people?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, you know, the short answer to that one is, pain wakes you up. And as we go through this life, we certainly learn our lessons. The cliche of bitter pill to swallow, you know that kind of thing. But pain wakes us up because as we coast along and, la-di-da, everything's going well, we're not really learning anything. We're just spending our time. It's enjoyable and it's wonderful and we have good times in life. Now, those are very important times because, as we know, as we live our life, we have some short periods of really pleasurable good times, and then the rest of it is kind of like oh, okay, it's like we got a test, or I have a toothache, I've got an ache in my body somewhere, and so we have to work on those things. But the answer to when you get discouraged, my friends, is that pain wakes you up. There is always a purpose to having pain. No pain, no gain. You ask any weightlifter, they'll tell you that right away. So get used to it. And understanding that, pain, struggle, difficulty, all are the stepping stones to achievement, to success, to purpose, to rewards. And so, if we look at it that way, as I often say to myself, this is so hard, this is so difficult, there must be something really good coming along.

Douglas James Cottrell:

You know that's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist, right? You take two little boys and you take them into a room and the pessimistic boy sees a big mound of poop and he's told you know, there's a pony in the room here. And he turns around and walks out. He says I'm not going -- all that smelly poopy stuff, I don't want anything to do with it. You take an optimistic boy, you take him in and you tell him there's a pony in the room and he runs over the pile. He's got a pitchfork and he's digging in really high. And you say, what are you doing? He said, well, with all this poop, there must be a really good horse here, a little pony. So I'm kind of giving a quick synopsis of that. But the point is you can be pessimistic or optimistic, and to be pessimistic is different than being cautious and prudent and skeptical. To be optimistic is to be hopeful and trusting, but you have to prove it out. To have sort of an accommodation is the way to go through life.

Douglas James Cottrell:

But understanding that, why Why do bad things happen to good people? Well, because the good people are attempting to learn. Bad things happen to bad people too. It just makes them bitter. They seek revenge. They want to hurt. They want to hurt back because they're in pain. And so when you see people who are causing pain to others, you should be somewhat tolerant of them and even feel a little sorry for them, pity them because they are now digging themselves deep into a dark pit and they're going to cause themselves more pain. But the fact is that they are in pain. They just don't know how to take that and turn it around. In fact, you could even say they're a little cowardly.

Douglas James Cottrell:

hy people, who are good, dig into this and they say, okay, this is really hard. But they strive for justice and with that they accomplish things in their life. They suffer, that's true. If you look at all the great saints and avatars and holy people, in their lives, they always, always, always had to go through struggles. Their life, being a struggle, ended up to being a huge benefit for the world and they were great lights in the world.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So why do bad things happen to good people? Well, because they're supposed to. And the good person will become a better person and a wiser person, because a good person won't give up. However, I acknowledge, I agree, it's difficult and it's hard to do. But telling yourself: okay, God, you brought this problem to me. More exactly, this challenge arrived on my door, so the cosmos must be giving me permission to deal with it. Now, when a problem comes to your door, are you the pessimistic or the optimistic little boy or girl? Well, an optimistic one says, this is really bad, but there must be some really good purpose for this that's coming down the pike. And there will be. I can promise you that.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I know when I go to take trips, Les, I head out towards some faraway country. Usually I travel by myself, in the past. I am loathe to travel, getting on that plane, going through customs. Show me your documents, buddy. Okay, I'm not trying to sneak in the country, I'm just trying to pass on through. I got a connecting flight, whatever. But in every single case, when I've gone to faraway places, something magical, wonderful, amazing happened to me when I got there. Oh wow. Had I not gone, I would never have known about this opportunity or this wonderful thing that happened to me. Meeting somebody of importance, somebody that's about to take me to some other place, somebody that's going to help me in my career, or meeting people that I can help, that will help me back for my future steps and what I took. But, always, always - everybody knows - Douglas, you're reluctant. Douglas, you're always the -- I've got a long face, got my luggage in each hand, standing on the curb waiting for the taxi. Oh, here we go. And then, when we're in the airplane, it's all better and I get there.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So the purpose of understanding when things come at you and they're bad, they're challenging, they're difficult, you say to yourself: okay, the universe has brought this to me. I know, I'm guaranteed that it will not be any more difficult than what I can bear. That's the spiritual rule. Why would they give you something that's going to crush you? Well, they don't. Meaning the universal mind. When I say they, I'm not talking about people. I'm talking about the universe, wise minds on the other side that are avatars, or saints, meaningful spiritual beings that are saying, look, Les, hey, Douglas. We're going to give you a bunch of challenges, so you can get this Wake Up podcast going. We're going to make it really hard and difficult for you. And indeed for those people who are watching the podcast, this is not simple. This has been a very challenging situation, but -- including with Jack's help in the backroom producing the show -- we've managed to put it all together because we believe this ha s a purpose. It's going to be of service to the world. And so we put up with the struggle and here we are, being successful. And with the support of our people coming in and for a few dollars a month, you know, supporting the show, we're going to be in great shape as we continue to build. However, there's been a lot of challenges. We had an idea, we had a dream, we had a vision. So we know, whatever comes at us, we just have to persevere.

Douglas James Cottrell:

The people on the pessimistic side who give up, they never succeed and they get embittered. They get lost. They find themselves in darkness. And then what do they do? They play the blame game. So if you want to know where you are, and you find yourself blaming other people: it's too hard, they won't let me, other people are younger. Oh, there are other people, they just go to the head of the line. No, no, no, no, other people take care of themselves. They're not in your way, unless, of course, you put them in your way and use it as an excuse for your own failings.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So to be pessimistic again is to scrutinize this situation. Look at it in a way, you know, like where's the pitfalls, you know? So you can avoid them. And, as such, you're actually being successful. On the other hand, if you're optimistic, overly optimistic, you'll be taken advantage of, and so, therefore, you have to pull back a little bit. That fine line between difficult things and wonderful things is you. You. You just keep taking your steps. Don't run away. Keep taking your steps, and the universe suddenly will provide the challenges which, if you look back, have been a staircase to your success. You had to go up the staircase. You just can't arrive and know everything. You had to pay your dues, as they say in Hollywood, and you take your steps. And when you get there, you are prepared, you are knowledgeable, you have experience, you know the lay of the land. And then what? Then you walk onto the stage and you're in front of 10,000 people. You've earned it to be there. You're able to be with the audience as one. You're not scared. You don't have stage fright. You don't run off and "nobody likes me, I can't do this. No. I'm here, this is what I'm supposed to do. And you walk on and you take charge. I'm talking about any situation in life.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So why do bad things happen to people? Because, in a way, they're supposed to, to make that good person better. Now, when I talk about bad things, we can be talking about loss of a relative, a breakup, a good friend betraying you. Somebody else gets a position over and above you at work that isn't qualified or doesn't deserve it, or maybe they've done something naughty- naughty to get that job. But what is it that you have? Okay, that's for them. Must be something better coming my way, and I will guarantee you that there is, as long as you don't allow that shadow of darkness to start to pull you away. And that's the secret.

Les Hubert:

So, the flip side of that question would be: why do good things happen for bad people? Because it seems -- look on the news and go, how did this guy get away with that?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, this is one of those conundrums and one of those things everybody just shakes their head at, and they say, you know he could fall in a bucket of [...] and come out smelling like roses. How is that? Well, the short answer in that is, he's using up his good karma real fast. So in previous experiences or previous time in his life, or again, something is being presented to him, a temptation, another way of learning, is it not? And so if the person doesn't give in to that temptation, that person is going to benefit greatly.

Douglas James Cottrell:

But the bad guys always - not always, much of the time - give in to the temptation. They take advantage of the poor or the sick. They take advantage of their position in society. They take money from the weak and the frail people. They have the same intelligence to do the same in business, but for some reason they take the easy way, not realizing that they're building up that big pile of poop in the room that they themselves are going to have to shovel out eventually, because they have to make up what they do. And so maybe there's a combination that sometimes the lesson is, when somebody's a good person, they have a difficulty. Well, maybe they're just experiencing something where they haven't been a good person and they've gone through that temptation, distraction, and now they're making up for it by fighting through it and standing up to the strong when they're in the wrong, making concessions for the weak.

Douglas James Cottrell:

However, why do good things happen to people? It happens all the time. But in the Good Book I read it. It said, God talking, don't worry, I'm going to take care of it, don't get angry. It says that. Do not get angry, I'm going to take care of it. And then it says but it might take some time.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So that means that the bad people who are taking advantage have an opportunity, have a, sort of a reprieve from continuing to stumble and take advantage. You know, even the bad people have benefits, if you will, that they can regret, repent and mend their ways as a lesson. You know, if you do something really bad, let's say you shoot a bird with a pellet gun and you're a little boy. Oh boy, you're going to shoot the little bird. And then when you shoot it, the bird falls out of the tree, it's dead and you regret that. And what do you do? You take the pellet gun and you put it aside, never to take up arms against anything again. You even go into forestry protecting animals. That incident was a benefit to you, but it was painful.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So the answer to that, Les, is why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to bad people? Well, we have to step back. We have to have an overview and say, that poor guy, that bad guy, he just cannot resist the temptation. Don't gloat. But you can say to yourself oh my God, is he going to get his in the end. But again, not gloating. But it gives you peace of mind and you just kind of shake your head and say, okay, I don't want to know about that. Don't let that shadow of pain and darkness come over me. That's their problem. Their lesson. And my lesson is, how do I deal with that? Well, the person coming up and giving you a hard time is challenging your beliefs, giving you the opportunity to put your money where your mouth is, so to speak, and say, okay, I understand, I'm not going to get angry, there's a purpose for this. I'm not going to allow this to distract me. I'm not going to keep on going over and over with these arguments in my head about what they did to me yesterday, last week, last month, last year, because that's stealing your life away, you know, Les.

Les Hubert:

Oh. So I'm sure we've all met people like this. I had a friend of mine, dear lovely soul. She was a nurse for like 38 years, but you would swear that somebody put a curse on this woman. She was a good woman but she always had the most rotten luck. How would you explain something like that?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Poor choices.

Les Hubert:

It was like she would attract things into her life and she'd go, where did that come from? And she said, did somebody put a curse on me?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Poor choices. Poor choices. She keeps making this -- this is another rule -- she keeps making the same mistake over and over and over again. And so, what is the mistake? Learning how to say no? Maybe. Learning how to be wise and say, this has got familiar backgrounds here. I'm about to be led into another trap or another difficulty. Thank you very much, but I'm not going to continue down that road. So in a way, she's got a roadmap and she's not reading it. Oh. Okay, she's lost and she doesn't know how to read the roadmap, or she's just not going to read the way that she should step.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So when you have a situation, this is everybody, and I asked my teacher, Ross Peterson, about a similar situation, about a lady who was in great difficulty, especially with a family matter, and he said to me, believe it or not, she's a schmuck. I was astounded, I was gobsmacked, I couldn't believe he said that. This lady was a nice as pie lady, very attractive middle-aged woman, and he said that about her. And then, over the years, that always stayed with me. To understand that, if you keep allowing things to happen to you, you're a schmuck, in my teacher's words. Now, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but what that means is, if you're allowing people to continue to do the same thing over and over to you, you're not learning the lesson. And the universe will continue to send you the same lesson. Different people, different times, different circumstances, but almost identical to what you need to learn. So to that person that you saw, you look at them and say, this is a wonderful person. On the outside they're great, they look attractive, they're very nice as pie. Why do they keep having these problems? Well, because they're not changing. They don't have the wisdom to say, wait a minute. I got in trouble last time. This time I think I'll just set this aside or I won't believe the baloney I'm being told this time. I won't be a quote-unquote a person being taken advantage of, because when you meet somebody, they're going to take advantage of you. You need to be able to say no. And this is the thing. When somebody comes up to you and they ask you something, you want to people please, you're halfway there to getting taken advantage of. So remember this hand, speak into the hand. Put your hand up when somebody says to you, can I borrow your car? And you say, well, last time you borrowed it, you wrecked it. Yeah, but it wasn't my fault, it was going down the hill and you know, it just went too fast and ran into the wall. Okay. No, no, no. Not now. No, you cannot. I'm sorry you asked me. I can say yes or no. I say no.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So part of the problem in people who are very sweet and very kind, in my experiences over 50 years, is teaching people how to say no. I used to be terribly guilty about that. Can you come over on Saturday and help me move? Okay, all right. And somebody once said to me Douglas, why are you helping all these people move? I said well, because they asked me. So what does your wife say? Uh-oh. Yeah, I'm sacrificing my time with my family trying to be a good guy. So to be a good guy is okay, but then you can say, can you help me move? I did this, and I said in my heart I was about to say (gasp) yes, and I went no, I'm sorry, I can't do it. And they said okay, and they walked away. And they went to the next person and asked them. And I went, what happened? Well, they were just asking everybody. So I was not obligated to help them, even though in my heart I felt they needed me and I should help them. So I was a schmuck until I wised up. In the words of Ross Peterson. Now that just means somebody who is incapable of saying me first, my family first. I gave some time before. I gave my part. I did my part, I can't do it now.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So in looking at anybody who's a nice, loving, kind person and they're getting taken advantage of over and over and over again, the best thing you can say to anyone meaning my friends out there, to anybody, that's happening is, when they're saying why is this happening to me? You say well, why don't you say no? And they usually say I just can't. You say well, someday in the future you're going to get so low and so hungry and so sad that you're going to say no! No, get out of my way.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Now I'm going to add to that, that people who constantly want to be their brothers' or sisters' keeper run into this all the time. They feel obligated to help people. They give them money and the people don't give them back the money. They help people and the people take advantage of them and walk away. So two things. One, a taker always meets a giver. Oh. And the second thing to remember is: you don't want to be a doormat, you want to be a doorway.

Les Hubert:

Oh, I like that. That's really interesting.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So if you remember those two sayings, Les, and my friends, when people come up to you and they say "blah, blah, blah, saturday, blah, blah, blah, you put your hand up while they're talking. They see the hand. That's like a gigantic stop sign. Everybody knows what this means. Halt, stop, no. Right? They know that. All you have to do is hold your hand up and they already have the meaning in their mind. They see your hand, blah, blah, blah, and their lips are moving, but their mind is thinking no. And then you say I'm sorry, I just can't do it. I have other commitments with my family. If they argue with you, they are not your friend. Friend would say well, of course, family first. So when you're in a situation, remember those two. What were those two things again, Les, what did I just say?

Les Hubert:

Well, don't be a doormat, be a doorway.

Douglas James Cottrell:

And the second one? This is the point, you know. You don't want to be taken advantage of, and you don't want people to bowl you over. So, if you can put yourself in that situation, when they come up, you say, I'm terribly sorry, I have other commitments. Done. You put your hand up when they're trying to intimidate you and you say no, thank you. You have the ability to say no. How you say it, as most difficult it is, is for you to say, I'm sorry, you asked me, but I have another commitment. Or, I just don't feel like it. And they'll move away. They'll go away, they'll go down to the next. So what do you think, Les, if you were talking to your friend, you'd be able to advise her or direct her a little bit better on how to say no.

Les Hubert:

Yeah, it's interesting because, you know, somebody once said when you really start taking care of yourself is when you really realize who your friends truly are. Because your true friends will say, oh my God, that's fine, I totally understand. And the ones who aren't your friends will start to complain, and I like that. It's also -- you allude to the fact that it's all about a test, no matter if you're good or bad and things are happening to you. It's almost like we're being tested. Because this is a school, after all. Would you say that would be true?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Absolutely. You know, the good person who's getting taken advantage of is learning how not to be taken advantage of, and the person that is doing the taking advantage of it is learning how not to give in to temptation. You know, we have to know how to step on the gas, step on the brakes and keep this vehicle going down the highway in a controlled way. Anything that's extreme is wrong. If you find extremes in your life, you're on the wrong track. If you're drinking too much, that's an extreme. You're eating too much, that's an extreme. If you're gambling too much, that's an extreme. If you're working too much, that's an extreme. If you're playing too much, that's an extreme. If romance is an extreme, that's going to lead to problems. Because any extreme, any, the greed for money, the greed for power, the greed for fame, those are all extremes. It's like running up a steep set of stairs and on the other side it's a straight drop, and that always happens when you go to extremes. So, moderation in everything: food, romance, success, work, play. As long as there's a balance, you end up taking care of yourself, and this is the only body you have.

Douglas James Cottrell:

You know, there are very famous people who, without mentioning his name, is a very famous stock broker and very successful -- well, Warren Buffett, I might as well, everybody knows him. And so the point is: that he says, in life, if you were given one car, any kind of car you wanted, any automobile, you could be given one for free. And you said thank you very much. What's the condition or the string attached? And it would be: you're only getting one, so you better take care of it. Well, see, this vehicle we call our bodies? We're only given one, and so we better learn how to take care of it. And that's how you love yourself. Along with loving yourself physically and doing the things you need to maintain the body, you have to have a good attitude, a good emotional balance. You have to be emotionally mature, you have to have a spiritual understanding of the spiritual world, how you fit into this world as a spiritual being, how you fit into the world as just a human being, and then you need to forgive yourself a little bit. That's really hard.

Les Hubert:

Well, thank you, Doug. Please support the show for as little as $3 per month and for details go to douglasjamescottrell. com. And a special shout out for Marie, PJ in California, and Michael in Idaho for your continued support. We greatly appreciate it. Thank you very much.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Till next time. Peace to everyone. Peace be with you, Les.

Announcer:

Thank you very much for listening to Wake Up. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe so you'll be notified when a new episode is posted, and we'd greatly appreciate your review of our show on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts to let others know about the great content we're producing. For more about Dr Douglas' self-development classes, books and other related products, please visit his website douglasjamescottrell. com. Until next time, we wish you all of God's blessings health, wealth and peace of mind.