Wake Up

Self-Acceptance: Helping Children Navigate Online Criticism and Build Inner Strength

• Douglas James Cottrell PhD • Season 1 • Episode 63

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How do we help children accept themselves in a world that constantly tells them they're not enough? Dr. Douglas James Cottrell tackles this vital question with wisdom gained from over four decades of intuitive practice and spiritual teaching.

When children face ridicule online or struggle with self-acceptance, parents often respond reactively after damage is already done. Dr. Douglas advocates a preemptive approach, explaining that we must prepare children for inevitable negativity before they encounter it. His brilliant analogy comparing internet interactions to walking through different neighborhoods—some welcoming, others filled with danger—provides a concrete framework children can understand. "You can't tell anyone anything," he emphasizes. "You have to show them."

The conversation explores the fundamental principle that true self-acceptance comes from recognizing our emotional sovereignty: "We cannot be controlled from without; we can only be controlled from within." This understanding forms the cornerstone of authentic character development. Dr. Douglas shares the powerful story of President Reagan's calm response when faced with a hostile citizen screaming obscenities at his limousine while his son was present: "There's a real American expressing his constitutional rights." This lesson in not taking things personally illustrates how we maintain our character amidst criticism.

Everyone eventually faces what Dr. Douglas calls "the three zeros"—periods when we have no friends, no money, and no hope. These challenging moments reveal our true character and spiritual strength. The wisdom shared in this episode transcends age barriers, offering guidance for children navigating social media pressures and adults seeking to overcome the hurt of betrayal or criticism. Learn how to stand tall, dismiss negativity without absorbing it, and recognize that your character remains untouchable regardless of what others say about you.

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Announcer:

Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell, your source for helpful information, advice and tips to live your life in a mindful way in this increasingly chaotic world. For over four decades, dr Douglas has been teaching people how to develop their intuition and live their lives in a conscious way. His news and views of the world tomorrow, today, are always informative and revealing. To learn more about Dr Douglas, be sure to visit his website, douglasjamescottrellcom, where you can download self-help exercises you can do right in the comfort of your own home. And now here's your host, dr Douglas James Cottrell.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Welcome everyone. This is Douglas James, cultural speaking, and I'm joined tonight with my good friend Les. What are we going to talk about this week, les?

Les Hubert:

Hi, dr Douglas. Today we're going to be talking about self-acceptance. Today we hear about so many kids being ridiculed for being different or for not going along with the crowd. We see kids who are really tough on themselves for not feeling adequate enough. And with all the things going on in the public today, in the public scene, with sexuality and all these things happening to kids, and we know that self-esteem is not the same as self-acceptance, but they are interrelated how can we come to help these kids accept themselves for who they are? How can we help these kids?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Okay, well, first of all, if we become aware that a child is having some difficulty, we befriend them and, in a nice way, you coach them. If you're a parent or a grandparent, it's a little bit different, but you can't tell anyone anything, whether they're your spouse, your neighbor, your children, whomever. You can't tell anybody. You can't teach anyone anything either. You have to show them, and so when you become aware that a child is getting a little obsessed with what's going on in the Internet or what's being said about them, they're already too late in having the conversation. You need to have that conversation ahead of time. Here, johnny or Mary, this is an iPad. Now I want you to know that there are going to be people that you're going to meet on this. They're going to be jealous of you. They were jealous of me and it hurt my feeling. They're going to be jealous of you too, and you're not going to know why because you're a really nice person. But they are, and that's their fault, not yours. These people are jealous of you because they see you as a big person or an important person, or whatever adjective you want or description you want to put in there, and they feel inadequate themselves. So, by trying to make you feel bad, they're going to feel better. I know that this doesn't make sense to you, but when it happens, when somebody calls you a name or somebody says something to you, I, when it happens, when somebody calls you a name or somebody says something to you, I want you to remember what I told you. This happened to me too, and it's the way people are. They don't mean it sometimes, they don't think sometimes, and it might hurt your feeling sometimes. But if that happens, you come and talk to me and I'll tell you how I handled that situation and how I didn't feel so bad about myself.

Douglas James Cottrell:

You have that set up to the inevitable, because when people reach out on the internet, we forget that it's like walking out onto the street and going into different neighborhoods. Oh, wow, yeah, I like that analogy. That's great. We forget, we think that everybody's on the internet. It's the same as us looking back at the screen, we're safe in our little place here, and then somebody says something and they do something and it's shocking. You know, we're going to tell everybody that your dresses are too short. We're going to tell everybody that your dresses are too short. We're going to tell everybody that you've got a wart on your nose, we're going to tell everybody that you're too skinny. We're going to tell everybody that you're not a good person. We're going to tell everybody no, go ahead, I don't care, we cannot be controlled from without, okay, we can only be controlled from within, no matter what age. You're controlled from within.

Douglas James Cottrell:

You choose what emotions you're going to release or experience, whether you consciously do it or whether you consciously do it, or whether you submit and are provoked or triggered by some event that provokes an emotion inside of you. That's a mechanism, but the fact is you choose what emotion you're going to express. If you're trying to people please, or you're trying to conform, or you're trying to fit in, or you have peer pressure on you, what are you doing? You're giving up your character to somebody, someone or something else. So if we're talking about children, then you have to be preemptive and say this is going to happen, right, and when it happens, I want you to come and tell me about it. And when it happens, I want you to come and tell me about it because I'm going to tell you those people are so silly. Those people are trying to make themselves more important, but don't give in to them or use some word like just see them for what they are.

Douglas James Cottrell:

You can't be complacent and you can't sound condescending and you can't sound like you're making up a bunch of so and so stuff so that the kid will feel better. You, you got to say no, this is really happening and be sincere and you say these are people out there that are not good people. But think about it as you go into a neighborhood, and you go into a neighborhood where it's pretty rough, what are you going to meet? A bunch of bullies. You go into another neighborhood and the shops are nice and the people are nice.

Douglas James Cottrell:

What have you gone into? Well, you've gone into a civilized neighborhood and the different neighborhoods in between. So if you explain it to a child like that, when you're on this machine and you're looking out, the people on the other side can look nice, but they can be nasty, just like real life. Right now, there are more people being conned out of money, losing their homes, losing their livelihoods, doing things or having things happen to them that are very bad because they are engaging with whatever is on the other side of this screen, which is a tunnel that radiates out into the great beyond and who knows where. So attempting to create an awareness wake up is to understand that when you approach people through the internet, that when you approach people through the internet.

Douglas James Cottrell:

They're not all your friends. And when you have children and you have adolescents, it gets harder as they go through the teenage years, because their friends are paramount or they're most important, and then they'll find out that their friends will betray them, they will lie about them, they'll be jealous of them, and so, as a parent who's aware you have come to the wake up. You prepare your children by saying this is going to happen and when it happens, this is what you do. If somebody calls you names or whatever, you go really, how do you know that? Or you say really, how do you know that? Or you say really you know what? You're not a very nice person. I want to talk to you. Click. It happens in life all the time. As you get older, you know you become less needy of being accepted. You have become less needy of attempting to be all-inclusive in a group of people.

Announcer:

It's okay to be independent.

Douglas James Cottrell:

It's okay to be unliked, it's okay. You're yourself, Okay. How do you get there From all the bruises that you've suffered in your life, all the disappointments and all the betrayals? Because most of us, all of us, well, we got a little dark side to us as well. How many times have we said to a friend that we've known for years that's it not my friend anymore and we don't talk to them anymore? How many times have we said something sharp or insulting or hurtful, in anger to somebody that we know? And how do we treat other people that we don't know, Perfect strangers? Sometimes we're condescending, sometimes we're yelling, sometimes we judge them in a moment. Okay, Human nature.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So the answer to this is to come to that point where you are later in life, sooner in life, and that's being of strong character, that's being aware that not everybody you meet is a good person. Matter of fact, you should take your time and let that person show you what kind of person they are. And if they're on the dark side, if they're mean and bitter maybe they're of some mental disorder like schizophrenia or bipolar or something then you have to learn how to accommodate that moment in your life where you don't absorb that negativity. This is what spiritual awareness is all about. It's understanding the difficulties that are out there and going through them, not running away from them. You certainly don't confront evil. Evil gets you behind me, which means if somebody's screaming at you and you're eight years old and it's your best friend at school, then you go.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Mommy, so-and-so is really angry at me on the screen. I don't know what they're talking about. And mommy doesn't come back and say or daddy, what are you doing? What did you say to that person? What's going on? You say really, Okay, Well, this is not how they're supposed to behave, are they? That's not how you're supposed to behave. So maybe they're having a bad day. I suggest you just don't talk to them for a little bit. But the child wants to prove their worthiness. They want to people please, they want to find out why that person doesn't like them. And that's the trap and that's what you have to teach the child to avoid, Because as soon as they do that, they're going to sacrifice their personality, their self-esteem, and they're going to try and do something to please that person, which is going to lead them down a dark path.

Les Hubert:

And we'll be right back after this brief message.

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Oh, what's up? I'm just not sure what to do with my health issues and I keep having this recurring scary dream. What's that about? And I just don't know if my instincts are right, about my business ideas or anything right now. Maybe it's all past life issues.

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Have you thought about a phone consultation with Dr Cottrell? A 45-minute chat should help you out. It's not a deep trance meditation and you'll find it's just as helpful. Plus, with COVID going on, they're discounted from $375 to just $275. $100 off.

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Great idea. I love talking to him like chatting with a long-lost friend. He's like tapped into a ton of wisdom, loads of spiritual insight, and he's on point oh.

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Now what? I can't find his number seriously in this day and age ready 519-471-1110. Call from anywhere in the country if you need more info. I found his website too it's douglasjamescotrellstorecom.

Les Hubert:

And we're back with Dr Douglas. I remember sometime, not too long ago, this young lady. She was a brilliant young woman, she was a student and she posted a very interesting photograph during the COVID crisis and it showed her in this beautiful bikini and she was sipping an exotic drink and there were palm trees in the background and people were riveted. They're going how did you manage to get on a plane and travel somewhere? What's going on? And her response was she said this is a backdrop that I created on myself. This is a blown up photograph and I'm on my fire escape. She said so. Her point was don't take this stuff too seriously. What you see in the media on these servers, she said so. Her point was don't take this stuff too seriously. What you see in the media on these servers, she said, because so many kids. She saw that so many of her friends were getting sucked into this pseudo reality. How can we help kids? Should they take it with a grain of salt, dr Douglas, or should they be more discerning? How do we help them?

Douglas James Cottrell:

Well, we're in the wake up and what we're doing right now is we're talking to people our age or adults I don't think we have a younger audience and we're talking to these people about these things that they are looking for to understand, to have answers, etc. That's always going to be there. So what should we do? By example, teach the kids. President Ronald Reagan was in the presidential limousine one day and he had his son in the car and a hostile voter came up with an ugly face pressed his face against a window and was screaming obscenities at the president, with his son sitting there in the car.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Oh my God. And so Ronald Reagan, president of the United States, said, with his son in the car now there's a real American expressing his constitutional rights.

Les Hubert:

Great response.

Douglas James Cottrell:

That's a story either from Ronald himself or from his son that when I heard it, I went exactly right. He didn't take it personally. And that's the thing about everything in your life Don't take it personally. As you get older and wiser, you will learn not to take things personally. And remember there are some really nasty, evil, dark, sick, misguided people in the world. There are likewise some enlightened, wonderful, beautifulided people in the world. There are likewise some enlightened, wonderful, beautiful, loving people in the world. But when you come in contact with somebody who's misguided, you don't give them any power over you. You dismiss them as a misguided person in pain. Remember people who are in pain are the only ones that cause pain. Oh, right right.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So when you see somebody like that and as much as they're telling rumors about you or stories about you, somebody like that and as much as they're telling rumors about you or stories about you you don't give them any credence or importance. You dismiss them and you know you've been successful because you don't keep playing the words over and over in your mind or saying how could they do that or how you're going to scheme and do something and embarrass them in front of other people, or go up and confront them and you have this mental argument. You just look at them and say they're one sick puppy or something to the idea of dismissing their aggression or their negativity. Sometimes it's a good thing to say dear God, almighty, this isn't mine, send it back where it came from. Send it back to them. May they learn the lesson they're attempting to learn, the sooner the better, because an aware person knows that when somebody does that somebody who's mischievous, somebody who's misguided, somebody who is being a demon, so to speak, somebody that's doing negative things they're building something in front of them that they're going to have to go through and that something is whatever they're saying to you that's going to come back to them. They're going to go through it.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So if you become aware, you're comfortable with yourself, you're self-assured, I guess the word you will know that that person is not important and whatever they said is a lie anyway it's an untruth and, more importantly, that you can pity that person because they're going to suffer, even unto their death.

Douglas James Cottrell:

I've lived long enough to see people who have been nasty enough that their life is cut off in their 50s or 40s. They live until they come to a sickness and then they have a terrible sickness when they die. God, almighty, is not deaf, dumb or blind. However, when people are spitting at you, calling your names, ridiculing you, talking about rumors about you, attempting to destroy your name and your reputation, there's one thing they can't destroy and that's your character. And so the self-resolved, self-aware person, person to wake up in dealing with these situations in life. If you can come to that point where, like the example is, somebody comes and brings you a gift and you don't take the gift, you send it back, you're not influenced by the gift, and if that gift is a gift of anger and you don't accept it, you don't get angry, you send it back.

Douglas James Cottrell:

So the answer to the conclusion of this is that your character and who you are and what's inside of you keeps you calm, even though you're walking through the valley of the shadow of death. People are all over criticizing you and pointing their finger at you, and your friends are abandoning you and you're all alone. Well, my friend, you're in good company, because that's what happened to Jesus, to Christ, when his disciples disappeared. Even his most trusted friend, peter, denied him three times in the night, saying I don't know, this guy never heard of him. So when that happens to you, pat yourself on the back because you must be doing something fantastic. It's a lesson of understanding. You're not alone alone. You are a total human, spiritual being with a soul who's going through a trial. But that trial is going to allow you to ascend.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Because the weak-minded, or the profane, or the unbelievers, what do they do? They retaliate, they bite into the negativity, they bite into the hostility and then, oh my God, they've slipped into that pit, a cesspool of more negativity. But remember always, when you get in that position and you will three times in your life the three zeros, the three great zeros in your life will come. Where you have no friends. The three great zeros in your life will come where you have no friends, you have no money, and you have no hope. You'll get them all back, because you just have to stand still and wait.

Douglas James Cottrell:

The last thing you do, though, is think poorly of yourself and believe what somebody else is saying about you. Matter of fact, you'll probably find out that more people that you do not know know about you. People you do not know will support you, and someone whom you least expect will defend you. I've seen it in my own life several times. That's how it works. The only thing is don't run away. Don't let other people belittle you, don't allow your character to be eroded. Stand tall, just like all the saints did before you.

Les Hubert:

It was like Michael Hoff, the philosopher. One of his quotes was hard times make strong men. It's very true. Well, thank you, dr Douglas, for a great podcast and we'll see you soon.

Douglas James Cottrell:

Thank you, les, for those thoughtful questions. Thank you to all the listeners out there in the Wake Up audience. If you have any suggestions for a future or upcoming podcast you'd like to have Les and I address, drop us a line at info at douglasjamescottrellcom. Until next time, it's great to see you in the wake-up class.

Les Hubert:

Take care of my friends, god bless if you've enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe so you will be notified when a new episode is posted, and we'd greatly appreciate your review of our show on itunes or wherever you your podcasts. Let others know about the great content we're producing here. Your host tonight was Dr Douglas James Cottrell, co-hosted by Les Hubert and produced by Douglas Matthew Cottrell. For more information about Dr Douglas's self improvement classes, books and other related products, please visit his website at DouglasJamesCottrellcom. The Wake Up is copyrighted by Douglas James Cautrell 2021, all Rights Reserved.