Working out the Kinks with Tash the Doula
My name is Tash and I have many roles in life. I'm a doula. An herbalist. An advocate. I'm also a wife, sister, daughter, aunt, and friend. My goal is to have some real and honest conversations I just want people to know you're not alone. Personally, I went through different situations in life, feeling like I was the only one having bad thoughts, and when I finally started opening up, I realize I was one of many. Follow me on Instagram: @tashthedoula
Working out the Kinks with Tash the Doula
Candid Conversations on Love, Loss, and Laughter with Anthony Hale and John
Ever found yourself in the middle of a laugh riot with friends, where the topics flip from hilarious to heartfelt quicker than a pancake on a Sunday morning? That's exactly the vibe Anthony Hale, my husband John, and I, are serving up in our latest heart-to-heart podcast episode. We're talking credit scores, music video dreams, and the kind of unscripted banter that leaves your sides aching. It's an open door to our friendship, loaded with the candor and belly laughs you'd expect from a night in with your besties.
Strap in and join us as we navigate the rollercoaster of life's ups and downs. We reflect on weighty matters like the struggles of teenage romance and the path to forgiveness following tragic events. Anthony gets real about his growth as a gay black man making waves in the music industry, while we all weigh in on race and the strength found in solid support networks. Then, we lighten the mood, meandering through the joys of mundane life, from the artistry of burlesque to the hilarity of misunderstood romantic cues. Our genuine experiences and reflections are sure to resonate, whether you're dealing with the complexities of relationships or just in need of some good, old-fashioned storytelling.
As we wind down, the conversation shifts gears to a more casual tone, teasing details of Anthony's upcoming album 'Mind Games' and sharing our latest music go-tos. Grab your favorite snack, and settle in for a chat that's like an evening spent unwinding with your closest pals. It's an episode packed with laughter, insights, and the kind of friendship that makes you feel right at home. So, if you're ready for a break from the ordinary and a deep dive into the extraordinary, this is one session you won't want to miss.
Guys, welcome to an episode of Working Up the Kings to Fire, cast with Tosh Nadula and Anthony Hale, which you guys have known already he's been in a few episodes at this point and then also my husband, John, and I swear to God we're not high, I swear to God. So before we started this, we started already, but I forgot to hit record Because she doesn't have a computer and net.
Speaker 2:If you guys know me, this is the third time I recorded something without recording. I was following that mic and mic girl. I was following that mic and mic, oh my God, and I don't. Oh my God Y'all. This is an episode of us just kind of like growing folks talk. This is not an episode for kids. I'm going to put a disclaimer on here because we're going to be dropping some bombs, some not so friendly kid words.
Speaker 3:My bombs like we're not dropping. No, like news or anything, we're not dropping nothing, girl, we just talking shit.
Speaker 2:Yes, but also I'm giving people a chance that if they already started, they can go ahead and turn it off. Let's do drop dimes.
Speaker 1:Then you dropped the. Oh wait, that's not how that goes.
Speaker 2:That's not how that goes either no that's.
Speaker 1:I just realized that, Thank you, john.
Speaker 3:We don't do no snitching over here.
Speaker 1:No, no, but that makes sense. The Commodore's. We dropped a bomb on me. That's not the Commodore.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, that's not the Commodore. That's not the Commodore. That's not. The Commodore that's not the.
Speaker 3:Commodore, the Commodore.
Speaker 4:You're like that's not what I was looking for?
Speaker 1:I was just looking for my car. I was looking for my car.
Speaker 4:I just thought it was my car. I was looking for my car.
Speaker 2:I was looking for my car. I was looking for my car. I was looking for my car. Do you have no right? Do you have no right? I used to, for my damn soul. You didn't need to earn some credit, I got it.
Speaker 1:I got it, and I was literally listening to them coming on the way over here. That's crazy.
Speaker 3:I got a cookout car. I ain't got the black car yet, not quite yet.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is where we normally do, like when Anthony is here, you know, and we're not recording together. It is us just like watching TV, is us just like cracking jokes on each other?
Speaker 1:Couches drinking whatever I am drinking, I will tell you that couch is like I could just sit on it right now. This is up.
Speaker 2:Shout out to.
Speaker 1:Wayfair Brand brandos hello come to, we need it.
Speaker 2:We need it. Hey, yo Papa.
Speaker 3:John's was good. Can you check on it now? I'm not thinking like you know, shaq just be giving out things.
Speaker 1:Like you can't check out a Walmart If I catch Shaq anywhere, the first thing I'm gonna do is hopefully fall in front of him, not cuz I want him to pay for something, but China like look, I need this. Like.
Speaker 2:My. So basically we just gonna go ahead and tag him in this one cool, no, we love your shoes we love.
Speaker 1:We love you as a person. You are amazing person.
Speaker 3:What was the Shaq?
Speaker 1:podcast Stop. Oh my god, oh, you might get picked up. Get your, get your breath. Oh my god, look, a joint venture girl.
Speaker 3:Excuse me host. Can you please host?
Speaker 2:I am trying to but I am just being over talked. Right now I'm so many loud male voices that I'm trying to find my space. I will, so any who? Anthony, what's going on with you? Boo, what's going on? What's life looking like? Uh, if he was, just take a deep inhale, go get him some water, please Damn. First of all, you're always my assistant because I am computer in-app so you're always my assistant.
Speaker 1:Please forgive us. We've been laughing nonstop we hit record. Well before we hit. We didn't hit record, she forgot.
Speaker 2:But See how they do me go. Oh my god, stop so. And we did it seriously, because we're like four minutes in with no real content. Anthony, back to you. Life was good friendships, love, aspirations, yes, money, whatever hot.
Speaker 1:Okay, let me be real. Let me be for real, I'm sorry. Okay, girl, keep all of this.
Speaker 2:I am.
Speaker 1:I needed this lad child, so I've been. Oh, I've been doing good. Okay, let me, let me fix my wording. Okay, I realized like when I change words, things get better. So, you know, trying to speak more positivity into my life, um, I'm, I'm like, what was that for?
Speaker 4:Y'all didn't see, I did. I did jazz hands. Yeah, yeah, I don't know, I just did it.
Speaker 3:The words felt like it was supposed to be happening.
Speaker 1:The words fucking you. I'm gonna slip right out my mouth towards you because I was like, oh, you trying to, you trying to Trying to come for me. Okay, it's cool.
Speaker 3:I thought like happiness, like like push mom yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh my lord, y'all are awful.
Speaker 4:Why are you on my?
Speaker 3:phone.
Speaker 2:Because I can't, I can't, but anyway.
Speaker 3:I don't need you to see my sidechicks.
Speaker 4:Everything, the lies you tell.
Speaker 2:Y'all. That is a joke. Don't go.
Speaker 4:That is a whole joke.
Speaker 1:That's a whole joke, please.
Speaker 2:Please don't come for us. That's a joke.
Speaker 1:I've been good girl. I've been working, finalizing everything for my new album release Hallelujah, working on concepts for music videos, and I cannot wait. Shut up, john.
Speaker 2:He's not happy that you. He's asking me good and looking for the wine.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, can I get a sip, though, because?
Speaker 2:I would go get you a cup while you talk about your stuff.
Speaker 3:Wes.
Speaker 1:I love Nicole Byer Can you go get my chicken nuggets. Shout out to T-Maw I love her. Um anyway, yes, I've been good. I've been having a lot of great conversation with y'all. Obviously, yeah, getting my growth and understanding on Going out to brunch and not drinking, which is that was crazy.
Speaker 3:Tasha was the only one that had a mosa and like, don't do that. And I only had one like you can tell, like everybody kind of wanted to drink, but nobody wanted to drink no actually I am the drinker of our friendship group.
Speaker 2:I am the drinker.
Speaker 4:I get that, but I like don't like you said mosa and don't was like but you know she, she has her schedule.
Speaker 1:It was like you can tell she like but baby, okay, yeah, let's put some context to this because y'all like, what are y'all talking about?
Speaker 2:Okay, so this weekend let's just back up. No, seriously, this is rewind, okay. So Thursday, um, our friend dunk was in town because she had to show at the new wrongness museum of art and it was Excellent, beautiful, like she did pigments and it was live and they had a live orchestra behind her and the music was just Literally close your eyes and just like take you to a different place. It was so beautiful. And then I loved her dress y'all. It reminded me of the bodyguard, but also just like Star galactica.
Speaker 1:She loves a good head piece.
Speaker 2:Bitch looks awesome.
Speaker 1:I was like this is on as well too. I need to.
Speaker 2:I need to just go ahead and go run five miles a day, because I don't understand.
Speaker 1:It is available everywhere merch records. Hallelujah, y'all did that anyway, I did that. Yes, um so absolutely.
Speaker 2:after that we had the one out with our other friend, bonnie had a great time she took a thousand figs. That was a fix, was pretty good shout out to y'all and then we went to a bar. We're not gonna say the name of it.
Speaker 1:It was okay Now, not the best part, but the bartender's with cute the bartender's were very cute to me and he paid me a compliment and I ain't gonna lie almost dropped down and got my eagle on for real, for real. In that place it was packed out. Hey, I ain't like the bathroom, no, the bathroom.
Speaker 2:I'm scared of me. I understand that's why I didn't want to say the name of it, because the bathroom was not.
Speaker 1:I had to say a prayer, like being up in there, because I'm just like.
Speaker 2:I bring hand sanitizer, hand sanitizer in my purse and I definitely gave both them a spray when they came out.
Speaker 1:I ain't never seen two toilets sitting next to each other like this, and one missin' a toad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then all the lady who went into the bathroom was trying to get Bonnie to go in the bathroom. We're like, oh, we can use the bathroom together. I'm like, no man, we don't do that here.
Speaker 1:We are not pee buddies man.
Speaker 3:Like no, I'm not your teacher right now.
Speaker 2:What so that was a thing. And then Saturday we end up going to brunch. It was lovely. What did we go to?
Speaker 1:We didn't even figure out what we were doing. True food in the CBD.
Speaker 2:We in New Orleans, y'all know that and it was great. The customer service was wonderful. The server was really nice. We had all our teas. We had coffee. Apparently I'm the only one who felt like drinking in the morning.
Speaker 1:I don't know who that bartender was that was over there in the center, but all I know is I wanted to do the same thing.
Speaker 2:I wanted to drop apparently Anthony is looking for a bartender, so y'all shout out I didn't like.
Speaker 1:I hear outsource of a bartender. I'm just saying the bartender's over here be fine as a motherfucker because the bartender the bartender's in my area ain't worth looking at, so I don't know. Oh, let me not say that.
Speaker 4:Um, if anybody in my area.
Speaker 1:Hear this. I'm so sorry. This is not about you wink, wink.
Speaker 2:All right, so so yeah, we had a great time and it was like um who she dropped, jammed, she did and and and you know it's talking to stuff We've said stuff name a few times I know at some point me and her are gonna have like a little talk, talk, but it's just like John was there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, John was there and John and uh and John and um. But it was so nice though, because sometimes you don't really realize when you need to be like Watered and like spoke and loved and valued, but it was great to kind of give that to each other Could. We all kind of needed that from each other and it was just like it was a nice little reset and I really liked that and anyway, as you were saying, John used a mess because when you posted that video talking about y'all are african-americans and Mark.
Speaker 1:I was in my break room, holler, and you hear me. They thought something was wrong with me. Miss Stevi will reply laughing. Where why, why, Hello, you need something to laugh at. I'm yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm turning down.
Speaker 2:Oh sad. No, we're not. We're not even gonna jump into that. Maybe, we will, we'll see about that.
Speaker 4:That's gonna be good, I mean, oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1:We are having a party today, a cookie party. Yes, it's Christmas.
Speaker 2:It's.
Speaker 2:Christmas If y'all don't already know, by the time period just comes out with laura knows when this is coming out, but but um, but yeah, it's Christmas and you know me, you know we work in the service industry, we work at different jobs and we we most likely will be working, or like, in different states. So we decided to do our Christmas celebrations with our friends and family a week early. So that's what we're doing after this podcast is wrapping up. But, um, yeah, I mean just kind of hanging out with friends and like talking about the different things that we have, because, you know, we have friends who live in different states and Things happen and it's like you go months without talking to your friends, without seeing your friends and just like, okay, I have two hours go and you're just like, uh, okay, and it's just like.
Speaker 1:Hey, that's Saturday. That was, that was Saturday. It was so much I wanted to get out, but I'm just like Fuck, it's all right, I'm just glad to be here, I'm just happy to be here.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I wanted to ask. I'm like ma'am Um, you had a halftime showing. You know I could have hit that highway if you just let me know a week or two in advance.
Speaker 2:Oh but that's but that thing about it. She did not know until three days before, if I heard her correct, right, I don't know, I feel like.
Speaker 3:Darn and stuff needed to get out needed to get out more stuff than we needed to, because we always had each other. Yeah, I mean we could always pow wow, like you could drive that hour and a half over here in chill.
Speaker 2:If I could get him on the bridge we could go to Bootsy.
Speaker 4:I am not going to mississippi. He don't like mississippi. Why you not want to come to my house? We?
Speaker 2:don't like mississippi.
Speaker 3:I'm just mississippi nor alabama.
Speaker 4:Look.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure that got wonderful people there but when we drove through there for the hurricane going to Atlanta. We're an interracial couple. What part? I don't know what I do.
Speaker 3:It's parts because they was looking at my car already, like I'm surprised somebody put a noose to the window.
Speaker 1:John, this whole us of a is racist, it's okay.
Speaker 3:I know that, but damn the south ain't like.
Speaker 4:Yeah, the south is wild and I know, but jersey like.
Speaker 3:It's a. It's a different type of races in jersey. It's chill races down here like the fuck is chill. Okay, elaborate, they don't really like. Like, let this should be known. They talk about you behind your back, okay.
Speaker 4:Okay, we had this conversation before.
Speaker 2:Yeah we've had this conversation before and I've said this, and look, I ain't saying that. Oh yeah, I'm so good gun-ho for the south, but I rather you be racist to my face and I know it at the same time, I'm up at the same time when you driving down that highway and you driving over a bridge that looked like the people throw bodies in and a white man.
Speaker 3:Just look over in your car and you could tell he's angry.
Speaker 2:And you just hear the.
Speaker 1:You just hear like heating, the night sound and you're down For first of all, john, the only bridge you have to worry about is the bridge and your neck of the wood. It's not ours, our bridge. Don't go that high.
Speaker 3:No, I'm talking about no, no, no, no. This is a short creek bridge, like the type of bridge that they throw people into.
Speaker 4:Like I'm dead ass. Like that whole drive, like when we got to Atlanta I felt a lot better about my life.
Speaker 3:I felt so much better, like the weight, like it felt, like it felt like high ancestors took the weight off my shoulders, it probably they be looking.
Speaker 2:Like they like yo, you better watch over her.
Speaker 1:I'm like shit. I'm laughing because I know you're serious. That's the only reason I'm laughing.
Speaker 3:You know, what's funny about the whole?
Speaker 4:oh my god the drop to Texas when we went through late chargers and like we finally got to.
Speaker 2:Texas apparently that first town we drive through is a sundown town. We didn't know.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So you know, like I'm not really like, I don't like planes.
Speaker 2:But you know that was scary. We didn't know until after we had passed it if he was in the sundown town like that. Yeah what?
Speaker 1:what time of the day I was there? No, no, it was nighttime because we drove in the night Remember because we got because we got there so late.
Speaker 2:Remember it was one time we drove through and I was so tired we pulled over at that hotel looking like I think the.
Speaker 3:I think when we got to Texas it was sunny down, like there was still like, because my time we got to like right before Austin, like that's when you took the break, like Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like yo. I see why you're driving through the south is crazy to me yo.
Speaker 1:I guess because I done did it so long, to the point the way. I'm just not afraid.
Speaker 2:I mean I'm happy for you because you shouldn't be afraid to like do what you want to do. But I mean honestly, that's kind of one of the reasons why it freaks me out when you don't text me when you go.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I try not to, because that's just the the pre mom in me, but it's just like. I can't stand you, but it's also just like I get so afraid, come, just like you know You're. You're a nice chocolate black man and, and, and and. You're driving through and we're slipping at night and I guess and I get scared.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing I know my area, so I know where to go. I know where to be. It not. This is, this is me. Y'all Take this with a grain of salt. Anything past Jackson, I don't go. Yeah, that's just, that's just facts. Anything past Jackson, mississippi, I don't go. Now, if it's like the major cities up north, obviously, yes, fine, I know I can get there, but it's just like I stay by the water. That's just like.
Speaker 3:I think before Katrina that's me. But before Katrina, like I just take the grayhound, like back and forth the jersey all the time and I never pay attention to it, because I was like 17.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're also on the grayhound.
Speaker 3:I was like grayhound I have my headphones on, I'm trying to sleep, I'm trying to get attention to the world. Girl shots, the grayhound.
Speaker 1:They used to get me. They used to get me together.
Speaker 3:This is before they had TVs and stuff on there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, oh damn they ain't no grayhound on them when I went on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like the crayons got TVs and like usb and Wi-Fi on that oh they got Wi-Fi usb.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the tv Used to be at the very front.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know I went on one about three years ago. This is when you know the whole channel was coming back home from Atlanta. I don't remember that because I I'm, maybe I was drunk, I don't know.
Speaker 4:I definitely had a couple drinks if I got on that grayhound.
Speaker 3:But when I was going like this is like I have my walk man and I had like mad pants and batteries on him, just took for the anti-skipping shit.
Speaker 1:But now I'm like you, dating yourself. I mean, this is 2005, right, this is 2004. They had walk man 2005?.
Speaker 4:Yeah like the CDs? Oh, I thought you went like the no, this is like the 45, 60s skip right.
Speaker 1:I thought you was going to a hip hop, a hippie mean.
Speaker 2:Hip hop, hippie, what?
Speaker 3:I went to the hat store. They got myself a hat, but now I saw it.
Speaker 4:That's the serious conversation. But no, I like I never paid attention to like that was wild.
Speaker 1:I never paid attention to like what was going on outside because I have my headphones on.
Speaker 4:I'm over there, gentlemen like blast and like ludicrous and shit Going, like I'm not paying attention and I don't tell my parents. It is when we get to like a full blown rest stop and shit like that right.
Speaker 3:But like when I'm driving with her going to Atlanta, I'm like yo, like y'all, like when I tell you these old white men were in our car. I'm surprised they didn't. Uncle Ruckus it, I got the, I got the rope right here, like. Hey, man Like it was like crazy. I'm like, oh, y'all really mad at this.
Speaker 2:And and it's a sad thing because to be even, I think about it like you know, obviously I drive it like Shonda all the time because you know that's my sister, but they don't care when it's like you know just the two of us, or whatever. But you, oh my god, you start mixing colors and things just get all crazy, like.
Speaker 1:Listen, do not let that scare y'all, because, trust me, they doing a lot of race mixing in my area. Honey, it ain't nothing, oh, we ain't skirt.
Speaker 2:You ain't never skirt, he just don't like it. Look at that. I mean what you gonna tell me, what you gonna do To who, john John?
Speaker 1:you, I mean what the people gonna do. You playing, you thriving that area, no shade, like in my hometown, you thrive because it's by the wall.
Speaker 3:The moment I come out with the damn Black Lives Matter shirt, they gonna be like oh shit, no, he wanted him.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, I can't stand you.
Speaker 3:He wanted him worse.
Speaker 2:But not everyone is like John. Everybody on the way, that's Not like that, you know.
Speaker 3:But I don't know.
Speaker 1:Everyone is like that, but that's significant moment was just like Like that that's the Texas one, that Texas one Whoo. Now Texas? Yeah, I don't know. I haven't touched it yet. I tried to. But South by Southwest said though no shade, I love y'all, but y'all see shade.
Speaker 3:I.
Speaker 2:I don't think South by Southwest is a thing anymore.
Speaker 4:It is.
Speaker 2:I mean I don't want to do it.
Speaker 1:I only wanted to do it for the wrong reasons anyway, so I'm glad they said no like like the only festival I haven't paid attention to is can't vlog.
Speaker 3:Nor like Like Coachella and like that's South by Southwest. I mean appealing to me.
Speaker 1:But I mean like I don't like South by Southwest only like well, obviously for the wrong reason, but it also it piqued my interest because it was one of the like major festivals that allow applications from Independent artists, right bands and stuff like that, and that was a great way for me to network. So I was just like, if I can't get my love, my life, I can get the network of my life you know, so when they said no, I said hey, no, the both, I'm good.
Speaker 2:So, speaking of just to kind of go back to the original topic what are some of the things that you wanted to talk about that you didn't get a chance to?
Speaker 1:This bitch I mean we talked a lot, but I just feel like, you know, the more we have conversations, I feel like a lot more Stuff that I, you know We'll talk about, starts to unearth, because it'd be like a lot of stuff that I like dormant and suppressed. So I feel like it'll be like, oh yeah, girl, this is what happened, you know, back in the day. Oh, this what I experienced, child, I just told my cousin about my very, very first love who's not with us my mom. He died. Yeah right, not to bring it down, girl, but he was, okay, he was long distance he lived.
Speaker 1:I ain't gonna give it away because you know, I know his people, but he lived all the way up north. And when I say all the way up north, m&m. Um, so yeah, and I was 16, you know, long distance relationship. How do I get there? Because of chat rooms, girl right.
Speaker 1:So that was the thing. And then you know, dealing with that and being 16 and trying to figure out because Child being 16 in hormones and being 16 and trying to deal with life and shit, girl, it's a mess. So I'm not gonna give his name because he never did yeah, he never, he never walked out?
Speaker 4:Yeah, he never did.
Speaker 1:He never did come out. He was really going through some things and you know, sadly, you know.
Speaker 4:He transitioned.
Speaker 1:So, and I'm even, by it being what, 10, 11 years now since he's gone, I've been, you know, like reminiscing on, okay, I still have the messages that we, you know, used to Message you other back and forth. So, and then I really look at it from an adult lens. I was just like, wow, both of us was hurting at a time that we needed each other, and at this time I finally forgave myself because I thought I was the reason he decided to check out when it was just really he was just dealing with the life.
Speaker 4:He was just a lot demons.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I was just like I wish you know, my 16 year old mind at the time had the tools to be like you know. Stay on him, stay with him and let him understand that he's okay. Because I broke up with him Because I feel like it wasn't going nowhere, you know, and I Can say that's my fault. I can say that the breaking up part, because, like by him going through all that, I'm pretty sure he had the stomach that, oh, I'm about to lose somebody who I really I've been talking to every day, so it's like I Wouldn't say.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't say that it's your fault. I will say that that's just what you could handle at that moment, especially being that young.
Speaker 2:But it kind of reminds me of one of the you know I have. Shonda has like her Cars and it's like a different chakras nose for get which one it is. But I sometimes I feel myself pull this card a lot and I'm gonna screw it up. So I'm sorry if I don't say it correctly, but in the card it always says Love yourself for who you are now and forgive yourself for who you used to be, because you could only handle what you could at that moment.
Speaker 4:Hmm 16 is like young.
Speaker 3:Look, I don't know about you touch, but like I was in them, chat rooms had you know, and this was like 90s, early 2000 stuff. So, like you know, finding boyfriend, girlfriend type stuff, that's what we used to do.
Speaker 2:No, my parents are very strict. I was not in those chat, but no like yeah.
Speaker 3:But like you find love and then you realize, oh damn, we young, I got no money to be flying back before teacher.
Speaker 2:You know, that's a mention that when you really think about it, I mean, it's probably more like in vacillation, you know, to a certain point. Or it could be like, you know, puppy love, you know. Oh, it's honestly.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna be honest with you. When you that young, it's more horniness.
Speaker 1:I mean, yes, I had my feelings, but I went out here on the bone. Oh, let me stop lying, I was wanting the bone but I was being smart. No, it was more like I actually liked him because we talked every day and he actually understood me. He was an artist himself. He drew pictures for me that I still have, that I really gotta find, and it was more like oh, you are interested in the person and not just because I, you know, I look away that you like nothing cuz that's what I was going through.
Speaker 1:I was going through that at an early age, so it was just like, oh wow, this first person who was actually interested in me is Thousand miles away and we can't do that because we both too young to do anything. But we have this technology that we can just talk to each other every day, all the time. Mother, if you listening, yes, that was the reason as to why your bills was always high.
Speaker 1:When it came to my phone bill Cuz, I was always talking to him, so she ever listens to this, which she probably will. I just know that, girl. That's the reason, it's the why, girl, when you transition me into a blackberry, you saved a lot of money.
Speaker 3:I'm thinking, I just thought about it 16 I was you were, but yeah. I gotta say like maybe younger you're thinking what you did, but no, I think it's both because you.
Speaker 2:I mean I'm me at 16, you, I think you.
Speaker 3:You were thinking with you, man 14 I'm thinking strictly, I'm hoping air and shit that age you find out you in health class like oh shit, those are tennings.
Speaker 1:But I was in South Georgia at the time and health class was some sort of the shit, cuz the coach was the one who taught the health class and that was some BS to me because, sir.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Let me not give him too much, because One of the other teachers I used to have was over this club I used to be in and that was her son and let me not do too much with that.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I just know that well, no, I mean, because I mean it's not saying that he didn't know, it's saying what he was allowed to teach.
Speaker 1:And then most of the time we were all just sitting in the class, children just talking. We weren't really trying to know. I figured out like shit, I know all of this right here I should. Let's be honest, like this school health classes wasn't shit yeah this was like the health classes in school were not shit.
Speaker 3:Your parents are supposed to be the one to teach you about this thing. Let's be honest, because school ain't gonna teach you nothing, but like you can learn this from kindergarten cop. This is a pussy, this is a dick. Look, this is when it. Boys have penis is girls have the ginas that type shit. That's what you learn in those health classes.
Speaker 2:It's like it's so much more than that much over.
Speaker 1:No child left behind.
Speaker 2:I don't want to get into my preachy political.
Speaker 1:Shit, I'm not gonna take them one semester after that. I took it at ninth grade. I didn't have taken them all. Like I said, that's an issue, like they also teach you in those classes are emotions.
Speaker 3:They don't teach you how to handle and process your hormones. Hello love, like they don't teach you any of that shit. So guess what the fuck you're learning at a young age. You're like oh, why do I feel like this? Why is this happening? They don't teach you about periods. Yeah, you know like that, like those health classes are fucked up. So back to what we was talking about with you. You didn't know that. You know what he was going through, because they don't talk about it and it still fires it talked about to this day.
Speaker 2:All right. And then you know also, like whatever emotional or like mental trauma he was going through at the time. That's a lot for anybody to like. Go through Themselves a little on somebody else and you're like how I 16, do you process?
Speaker 1:that.
Speaker 2:I mean even right now you're like at almost 30. How did you, are you processing the fact that he, he did? Pass away in them.
Speaker 1:So, by me, I'm about to turn 30. So, like this, year has forced me to Look back instead of looking over, which is what I've been doing for too long, not not to say it's not the same as a problem. Till you know not look back and understand what you were then is supposed to now, I'm just saying don't stay there too long. That's why I fucked up bad.
Speaker 3:I'm saying stagnant, right.
Speaker 1:I stayed looking back and that's why I feel like that's what drove my sadness going into through my 20s and trying to figure that out and in process, because I was also playing catch up, you know, because everybody around me had relationships. They were right there and it was visible and they felt. Then it felt like they were all Experienced. It's something I feel like I didn't have the privilege to have, which is the why I feel the way I felt, you know, and it always triggered me to Go back into my brain and be like okay, this woman who came into your mother's house and told you that she don't see this Life for you and you don't deserve to have what everybody else have, which is somebody to love. It's still ringing in your head, that's. And then it made me. It forced me to realize oh, that's why you fighting so hard to want somebody like that. It's because somebody told you you.
Speaker 1:She's going through her own little things and I feel like.
Speaker 1:I feel like karma got her and I love my mama because she did try, you know, to diffuse that situation. At the time when I was going through that, I was looking for her to be like okay, this my house girl, you doing a lot, and this my son I'm gonna need you to back that up, mm-hmm. But I'm also a gay black boy, so I already know what comes with the territory when it comes to family and what they feel and what they do and how they think. Like that's just, that's why me and my twin is nothing don't really surprise me. Like it does like oh, people don't really flock to me like that, because I know that I'm gay, being black and do rap music. Oh, I know this is.
Speaker 1:This ain't nothing new to me, like that's why I'm still doing this shit, cuz they don't surprise me that people think that way. They do so it was this year was a lot of retrospective that I had to like Sit down and get through, and I think that was the most hardest shit I ever had to do, because I had to go back and look at my past relationships and wonder why they went sour, even though I know why. But going looking into an adult lens because I realized when you look at shit while you were child and look at shit when you're an adult, there's some two completely different things or has different perspectives right and Knowing what I know, then, as opposed to now Child, I should have just stayed in my house, child and just Because.
Speaker 1:I was already in the house anyway, working on videos and shit, like doing you know music and things like that. I was. I was already a homebody, I was in the house, but it was like I just wish I had a little more bravery as A little, a lot more brave me. Let me say that I was already brave being in South Georgia, but a lot is in terms of like y'all can't tell me shit about me, but I always take everything that people said and kept it with the end and just move quietly and I shouldn't do that. So Yay, I'd be 30.
Speaker 2:No, that's real, and I'm just. I'm processing everything. You're saying, yeah, so that's why I'm quiet. It's not because I don't hear you, I'm just oh, no, no, no, I understand, but it's yeah.
Speaker 1:That's why I say, the more I talk to you and John, honestly, the more I talk to y'all, the more it's just like y'all low-key, high-key, peel back Little by little everything that I just I've been sitting with for years, that I've been talking about Again, only told like two people which was one of my co-workers because we were just talking and they just slipped out, yeah, and my little cousin who I talked everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, even my best friend don't even know about you know him. She knows about the actual physical man that I've been with. She never known about him specifically, so it was just like I just kept him as like a little piece of your heart. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm okay to do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I got somebody like she didn't Do it that way, but she died of breast cancer. To this day I still sometimes I'll think about it like damn, like that, like cuz she, she. She was cured and it went into remission and Immediately and it was just like damn, that was really young for you, right I? Know, I've known her since I was like that. She was one of the first two people I met when I first moved to New Orleans.
Speaker 3:But I was still beyond her, cuz I mean but no it she passed, like you, 2000, like it was in the teens, like 2000 teens and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Oh, I thought you mean. Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:It was like this. This had to be. I Like I was still on North rampart, I don't know what. If you could take that for them.
Speaker 2:I mean the 2100 block. Yeah so this is like to look what that's still really that's like 10, 11, because about 12.
Speaker 3:I think that moves, yeah, so like that was then.
Speaker 2:That's like around time when you met me. No this because you met me in 2010.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that was the last time I saw her and then I think 2015, 16 is when she passed.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Like that. But the last time I saw her was on North rampart. It's just like damn man, you know even just being friends, like it was crazy to find out like you could die that young, just breast cancer like and of course. Of course you know you can, but when it actually happens to somebody, you give a fuck about this is like Wow, this is real, you know and this would be the second person in my in my life to have cancer, like my grandfather had cancer and Eventually off themselves we should.
Speaker 3:so it's kind of like Like Processing all this type of shit is like hard, and then you have to go through it. Yes, as you get older. You have to keep processing it because it's going eventually pop back in your head so you could be randomly in the shower this the person's name popping your head You're like damn, Every his birthday happens and I be wanting to like Going his Facebook and just write you know, happy birthday.
Speaker 1:I miss you, but I know that's gonna set off.
Speaker 2:All right, so. So how do you celebrate his birthday? I mean, that's something that you can do. I think you should. It might it might help you like.
Speaker 1:He's, but he's better as a memory for me. The reason why I say that is because I know for a fact if I do something, that's gonna like Honor him, because I do again. I still have the messages and I do read them from time to time. I still have the picture that he drew for me of my name and he did graffiti work and it was so beautiful and it was just like. But every year I see it's his birthday, comes up and I always think like I really hope that wherever you are in the universe, you are okay now like.
Speaker 3:I Feel like that's better than celebrating it because, honestly, if his people didn't know about his lifestyle, I'm not saying do it publicly.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying that, oh, I know.
Speaker 3:I know, but it's you know, like I just hard I say what you're doing is alright, in my opinion, just because, like that's what you do.
Speaker 2:Right, I mean, anyway, you want to do it. I guess in my head I was thinking like if you just want to like Write something yourself and then put it away, I can just have to be anything public, it can be private, just for you.
Speaker 1:But whatever works for you, I mean you have to figure out a way to To I guess I'm in here but the same time like move forward so you're not just like stuck in that heartbreak, in that heart that hurt because I be catching myself all the time like going on his page and just Seeing all his family members, just like, well, we miss you, we love you, and I'm just like I really want to say that too and I can't Like even his, his family members.
Speaker 1:I actually that's how I found out was because I messaged one of the family members. I was like, hey, I'm a friend of his, because that's the smart thing to do, yeah, yeah, and she told me and I was just like, wow, like, and I really had to sit with that by myself Because my mother didn't know I was in a relationship. I really wasn't telling her nothing. Anyway, she still don't know to this day about that. So I had to go through that alone and then happen to go to school and then, on top of doing dealing with that, dealing with the bully, and that came with that as well. So it was just like I was really sad Throughout my whole high school.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and up going on.
Speaker 1:Yes and trying to act like I'm not and Everybody don't see that, because I'm joking with everybody and making everybody laugh, just so I can have something that could keep me grounded. That's why I think my best friend Hello, andriana, I love you so much, because I know you be listening, she supports girl, she loves it Um, yeah, without her I wouldn't be sitting here with you. I mean, you always need a support system.
Speaker 3:I Tell all my friends the same thing. Or I tell not all my friends, but like I tell people the same thing all the time. It's better to have full quarters than a hundred pennies.
Speaker 2:It's less weight, that's definitely, he does definitely your friend, your phrase, but I will say no it is, but it's a good one. Wow, because I never heard that but, it's true, though, cuz you don't need to have a whole bunch of extra people holding holding on to you, who don't bring you no type of value.
Speaker 1:You know, let me stop my grandmother.
Speaker 2:Was a whole different story. Got to do some type of like.
Speaker 1:Reports and stuff and something telling you, sir you're like I got Native American in me is over you from. I'll do for the. Lose your damn mind, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's all my time figure that out.
Speaker 2:Cream baby, I'm just saying, but not like but no like.
Speaker 3:Now like you did a core group of friends and I think that's why, like you know, I think I think about this a lot, because I be going through my emotions like, damn, I miss all the people from high school and I miss people from this era and this era. And Then you check on them and they doing some wild stupid shit on social media. No, I mean, they talk about the world flat. Oh, they, every day is a Bible quote for them a like it's kind of like damn. So then you look at your you. That makes you just appreciate the people you have in your life more than you know. You click with like, yeah, I mean, I don't, look, there's certain people that don't even know that I'm over here in the Westman, because I don't want to bother the time, because I don't want you to look. Look, you only know my life, oh, but I keep them at a arm's distance. So I could be like you know, what could you do, right, you know?
Speaker 3:I know I shouldn't do that I mean.
Speaker 2:That's the difference between like friends, associates, people from this season in life.
Speaker 3:You know, not everybody know everything if you get, if you get an invite to my house, you're a real friend.
Speaker 4:You're a real friend, cuz otherwise you're not coming over here, right?
Speaker 3:Like you, don't even go. I live in a box, as far as you know you did.
Speaker 1:That's why I appreciate when you want to be the Company, go house, like I was just like. Oh shit, that's up to you. This is your safe haven, honey. I'm just a guest Boy, bring your ass up here, okay.
Speaker 3:Like if you are invited to our house, you are in our core group. I mean like so, and I know I am cuz I be falling asleep every time I get in the, but no, it's always good to have that one person that you could always just like rely on and like that your friend, like that's why it's just like think like she's dope for keeping you around like that. Because, like, if I look, I have a lot of mental issues.
Speaker 4:It wasn't.
Speaker 3:Natasha and my sister and my sister Ashley. I'm probably would have did it already, you know, but thanks to them.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you're here, john. I'm glad you're here. I'm not, but use a mess while you can't.
Speaker 2:Just taking it, move on.
Speaker 3:I appreciate y'all, but damn life is hard right.
Speaker 1:I get that I like that but I'm glad you here because I'm I don't necessarily have a friend like you, yeah, and I tell him that all the time.
Speaker 2:at the end of the day I was just like it's very selfish of me To you know, but I'm just like at this point I mean, we know each other for 13 years I'm like at this point I'm just like I don't know my life without you. I don't. So it's just like now you kind of have to stay around you, so we bit more.
Speaker 3:This is hard.
Speaker 1:So look here I'm telling you right now you better not do nothing crazy. Okay, cuz the first thing, the first time I do, I'm gonna pop over here where he at he didn't get your ass together, like, like.
Speaker 3:Like people don't understand, like the shit that just he had found. Like you can be having the best day, but you can be playing 2k.
Speaker 3:I can be playing 2k, having the greatest game with the bulls, I believe, dj and having the greatest mix. I could be riding my bike and landing all my tricks and for some reason, my brains chemistry just goes a yo, you depressed now, and well, guess, I'm depressed. And then your, everything starts running and it just the depression. Then, all of a sudden, like life really sucks like this, sucks, that sucks can't do this, you can't like.
Speaker 3:I'm going through it as we speak but I'm hiding it. Well Now, I mean, I'm thinking about the fact that, like you know, the people that we want to come to this whole Christmas thing can't come because they gotta work, they got other obligations and shit like that. It's just like damn. That's what we became adults for, yeah, yeah, to miss out on our friendship. That sucks, that really fucking sucks. And it starts weighing down on me and then snowball effect I think about everything else in the world.
Speaker 1:So it's like and then that says the driving factor, I play, ok, this would happen here, and boom, and it's just a never ending factor of shit.
Speaker 3:And that's why, when people do it I was going to say when people commit suicide, I was going to say underlined.
Speaker 2:Look, that's the term you have to use. I'm alive, sorry.
Speaker 3:Sorry, I didn't know that. I don't know that.
Speaker 1:No, I understand, but you know when people choose to do it.
Speaker 3:I'm kind of like I understand, because as part of me it's kind of like man, that's sad. But then it's kind of like jealousy because it's like, damn, you did it and I know that's fucked up to me. Think about it. It's just like you are at ease now, you are at peace. I get it, your family fucked up, but damn, you are at peace with life now. Or you're at peace with the universe and shit, because it's just like the mind, just Everybody's mind is different.
Speaker 4:Everybody's mind runs different.
Speaker 3:But when people like Robin Williams do it, it's just like what the fuck is going on with him, but then you never know. No matter what kind of happiness, no matter how many millions of dollars you got, no matter what you have under your belt and everything like that at the end of the day this shit hurts.
Speaker 4:This shit starts hurting you.
Speaker 3:Your body, this shit starts hurting you. So to have a friend like your friend, andrew.
Speaker 1:Eladriana.
Speaker 3:Eladriana, yeah, to stop you from thinking these thoughts and getting you right as dope, because, like I said, if it wasn't for my sister, ashley and Tasha, there's been times like that would have been it.
Speaker 2:And you got to understand we have our go-round. When he gets into it honestly, when he actually shows me like how he's really feeling, because he does a great job of masking his feelings- that's the word OK. A great job at it yes.
Speaker 2:So that definitely tells me he lets me in. It's just like this. Ok, so how do I provide the comfort you need in this moment but at the same time trying to understand what you're coming from, without just being like, ok, well, here you go, do what you got to do, because that's not what you want to do either, right, but I think the thing with me, with Childers, is every time I see y'all, every time I want to go to hug y'all.
Speaker 1:I don't ever want to let y'all go.
Speaker 4:I just want to just like hold on to y'all and just like you a mess.
Speaker 1:No, it's like a reassurance to me that I know that I got y'all.
Speaker 3:You got people. Yeah, y'all love. You got care.
Speaker 1:And then it's just like I know, y'all know that y'all got me as well.
Speaker 2:So it's just like yeah, I mean, you know, our door is always open.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's something I wish I could feel like because. I want to be honest with you.
Speaker 3:Sometimes it's just not that easy. Sometimes it's just like life just sucks. So I tell people constantly appreciate the fact that you could do all the things you could do. Appreciate the fact that you could go outside and not freak out. Y'all didn't notice. I told her about the whole thing, but on Saturday.
Speaker 1:Oh, you told me to.
Speaker 3:Oh, all right, Nobody noticed that I was freaking the fuck out the whole time, like I literally were walking three minutes Not even that far. I'm like, am I going to pass out? That's what my brain is. It's like I haven't been outside in so long.
Speaker 1:That's like new territory. I have to rediscover outside again.
Speaker 3:So I'm thinking I'm going to pass out just for walking three minutes. So I always tell people appreciate the fact that you could do these things in life.
Speaker 4:Appreciate the simple things yeah.
Speaker 3:The simple things like going out.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, appreciate the fact that you could go get a job, and I'm not saying oh appreciate your job, man fuck your job.
Speaker 4:No, I'm not.
Speaker 1:Yeah fuck the job.
Speaker 3:But appreciate the fact that you can go work. I can't, because of my mental disabilities, like I freak the fuck out, we tried.
Speaker 2:I'm with the fans. It was quit the same day and I love fans.
Speaker 3:The place wasn't the problem, it was just the sensory issues. So I always tell people keep a core group of friends on when to appreciate what you have, because that's all you really need. That core group and appreciate everything that you have. You know, appreciate the fact that you have people around you that are like stopping you from doing dumb shit or keeping you stable-ish. You know. No, not happy, I get it but stable.
Speaker 1:But keep you on, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:And appreciate the fact that you can go out with said friends and you can go out and do these things and even make new friends that can help you with that. Appreciate these things because some people can't do it shit. So shout out to your friend that stopped you from doing shit and shout out to us for being warm and cuddly.
Speaker 1:That's why you're the backdrop of my album. That's why you're all the backbone, like Ally is the lit, the excitement that I feel when I'm with y'all. Stuff is the spiritual side that I feel when I just feel at peace when I'm with y'all. You give me a sense of like, let's unpack this and you have somebody to talk to because I am here. You give me that my little cousin. She gives me the truth in all of that. And then Bonnie gives me the growth and blooming within myself.
Speaker 3:See, I was going to say Bonnie gives you the food.
Speaker 1:That too, yeah, but she mentioned blooming and flowers and I'm like, yes, girl, I'm with that. I didn't know you was going to go there. I thought it was going to be cooking up something.
Speaker 3:Was she talking about flowers, or was?
Speaker 2:she talking about blooming onions. Oh my god, what you are hungry, sir. See you, you're hungry my girl. I guess we were getting too serious.
Speaker 1:And then Andrea. She's the one that kind of low key inspired. She gives you that sexy, yes, and child, ever since I've been going to her Afro-Axotica burlesque shows and things.
Speaker 2:I want to go, so bad but I always work. I want to go because she, first of all.
Speaker 1:She looks amazing, she's wonderful and she's so sweet.
Speaker 2:And I just want to be in it. Some black women in burlesque just do it.
Speaker 3:Then black women in Sarpulac.
Speaker 2:Beautiful? I don't think so.
Speaker 1:Like Betty Boop comes to mind, but it's.
Speaker 2:But I still black.
Speaker 1:Yeah, then Betty.
Speaker 3:Boop was black, that's what.
Speaker 2:I'm saying no, no, that's what I'm saying, yeah.
Speaker 4:I'm coming.
Speaker 3:I could have sworn. A black lady created burlesque, but I definitely could be wrong.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I low key thought Josephine Baker was the pioneer Low chain. I thought she was.
Speaker 2:She is definitely what you know like. Why don't we put it on the map? Let's go.
Speaker 1:They go maybe dance and do OK, ok, that's why, I think, about Josephine Baker when I think about burlesque.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Because me people equated to stripping.
Speaker 3:I'm like no, I feel like this is a completely different thing.
Speaker 1:This is a sensual experience. This is, I feel like look.
Speaker 2:Stripping could be sensual in its own way, true, but I think there's more dance and technicality in the burlesque.
Speaker 3:Burlesque is more about the art of dancing. Ok, stripping is about the art of sex and selling said sex Got you.
Speaker 2:And that's my personal feelings. I mean, I think that's correct If I had a left addiction.
Speaker 3:But at the same time I feel like you absolutely have to category stripping now, because there's different layers of fucking stripping now, yeah, you have the actual talented pole dancers who do all the tricks and shit. It's crazy, crazy, like the insane shit. Now. I mean, don't even have to take off their clothes and they're like boy, here's $1,000 in singles and then you just have the chicks just want to pop their pussy. You know, I feel like you have to categorize.
Speaker 3:I guess I mean there already is pole dancing versus stripping, but pole dancing is a part of stripping Boy exotic dancer I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't like.
Speaker 2:I've never liked to tell an exotic dancer.
Speaker 3:It just sounds weird.
Speaker 2:It sounds weird.
Speaker 3:It sounds sus, I don't know, but I feel like we've got to categorize stripping now, like we've got to make sub genres of it. Sub genres.
Speaker 1:You realize a lot of things aren't a monolith, so you literally can get multiple things of one area. Like it's just like it's child, but burlesque is completed, I will say, burlesque is about the art of dancing.
Speaker 1:And the show. They craft every show to perfection to me, and she always brings in a layer of spirituality to it that is just like, oh, this is I like this. And then she invites Every time I'm in there. She always put me on the stage. I'm telling her stop doing that, but I love it because it makes me feel like, ok, people like me the way I look and how I do, which is probably why I should do it, so you can kind of have that feeling of like, what I am and who I am is still sexy and beautiful.
Speaker 1:Right and whatever I give you.
Speaker 2:That Right. You better like what I fucking got.
Speaker 1:Girl. Somebody called me sexy that night and he would play with me. Girl, I ain't even know.
Speaker 2:I told you be missing the whole over your fucking head. I told you that.
Speaker 3:She told me that shit too though.
Speaker 2:You do, and I told you both why. It's because y'all have self-doubt about yourselves and your own handsomeness in how you feel about yourself.
Speaker 3:I think mine is just. I don't mean all this shit. Like real talk, like she's like the day at the hotel.
Speaker 2:She was mad at this. Here he go, here he go, she was mad. She was so mad at this chick that came to the desk and like I see it now, but like who come downstairs to the hotel lobby to go ask the front desk agent oh, where can I go to this place? Where can I get something to eat? In her bed clothes, y'all In her bed clothes. Really bitch.
Speaker 3:Really, that's a hotel. In her bed clothes, the problem was that your mama didn't teach you nothing? She had, she had, she had, she had, she had pussy shorts on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she had. She had the booty shorts on. No, no, she's pussy shorts your mama didn't tell you to put some clothes on. You go downstairs Trifling bitch, but the point of time.
Speaker 3:The point of time, babe, is like I just don't be seeing shit either, though I'm with you there.
Speaker 1:My thing is, I guess, because of my experiences, I'm just like you, literally have to be direct with me.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because if you not, I'm not picking the bait, no more. Because, to me. I ran into a lot of situations where people will flirt with me and I get the courage to say OK. So look, we've been doing this exchange. Can we go on a date? Let me take you out, let's get to know each other. Oh, I don't really swing like that. Then why the fuck are you doing this?
Speaker 2:Because people are bi-curious.
Speaker 3:They want to try to do it, they want to know.
Speaker 2:Like it's one of them things. It's probably like I'm heterosexual. I just want to know if you find me attractive.
Speaker 4:But, no, you have to be really direct with me.
Speaker 2:Oh, I know. Have I told you how I XTML. Did I tell you that story?
Speaker 4:Oh OK.
Speaker 2:So this is how I tell you how things go over his head, right? So this is way back in the days of early days of Facebook, and we were at the beach first, man, and I remember you posted something and I sent you my phone number on the comment and you actually deleted it and then texted me later. I mean, why would you put your number just on the internet? And I'm like I don't care, whatever I know I didn't care, but we were still friends, we were just chilling and I remember I had made I was with you in the DJ booth and you know you was mixing and I was like, oh, this is so cool.
Speaker 2:And I was like I made a post and I was like, oh, man, now I want to be a DJ. It is so awesome. And he was like, oh, I bet you do, I ain't got a lot. I thought he was flirting and I was like, oh, he like me. All right, cool, right, he was not flirting, y'all. He was not flirting. So, ew, like a week or two later I finally had the courage to XTML and I said something like first of all, I was so nervous. So I was like after this song I'm gonna.
Speaker 2:XTML Song. Play I didn't XTML. And then I'm gonna do the next song and play I'm gonna XTML, didn't XTML. So I waited until like the last minute and I'm about to go, and then finally like, hey, look, I like you, I think you're cool. I'm like before I feel like I asked you. If I'm just gonna ask you anyway, like, do you like me? Because I like you now, because you know you better, I got you.
Speaker 2:And he's like oh yeah, yeah, you're cool, I like you. And I was like, yay, months later I found out. I was like I brought up that conversation, that comment, that Facebook post and turns out he was like oh no, I was just calm man, I wasn't flirting.
Speaker 3:I was like he was like no, I wasn't flirting. All right, I bet you won't learn how to DJ shit. It's easy money to fuck.
Speaker 2:Right Now, I thought he was flirting. He was not flirting.
Speaker 3:I was like yeah, oh my god, Look man you gotta be real, like old ladies, that like compliment me, Like that's the shit I be looking for, Like oh baby, you are gorgeous.
Speaker 4:I'm a lover playing your ear.
Speaker 3:I'm like, thank you, she won't fuck. But, like you know, some shit come up to the front desk asking me questions. I'm just like, yeah, I'm not getting you out of bad, I'm going to go over there, I guess. Right, fuck, yeah, no, your titties don't look wrong. What are you talking about? Let's go. What's going on here? I?
Speaker 1:got a look my titties, don't look wrong.
Speaker 4:No, that's all right, can't?
Speaker 1:help it. I don't know. Like, there was this guy that I met at one of the shows and he saw me on stage and he called me, you know, sexy. But you know, I thought it was wonderful he was shorting to me. I kept drunk on. Bonnie, I'm going to pick him up. Oh, that's what she was talking about. Yes, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:She was like, he was so little.
Speaker 1:She was like oh, I'm saying child, shit, nothing. I pick him up and it ain't nothing.
Speaker 2:And then I was just like but that's me, or he could be perfect height, that's it.
Speaker 1:But that's just me talking to y'all. So that's what I was thinking. But when he was talking to me, it was just like you know, I was more just focused on the fact that, oh, this person is talking to me, let me respond, and whenever I'm talking, I just speak in truth. So like, yeah, you look amazing, I love your fit. You have a nice haircut, you are super sweet. Thank you, I really appreciate it. And then he said something that should have tipped me off, that he wanted my number.
Speaker 2:What did he say?
Speaker 1:Like because he know we should hang on, I'm like, oh my god, we should. And then I turned right around and went ha, and started talking to Steph and Bonnie. He walked out and he was like what the fuck is wrong with you Like? I'm like what?
Speaker 4:He was flabbergasted. You want to get the number?
Speaker 1:I said, girl, to tell you the truth, I'm not even here, girl, Like I'm like hey. So I told Steph and my girl that she was a friend of her and give him my number for me.
Speaker 2:Did she ever get it? Yes, ok, did you call?
Speaker 1:him. Yes, well, it happened, we talked. Yeah, we talked.
Speaker 2:Are we going out?
Speaker 1:No, why not? Because I wouldn't say we lost touch, but he was in the process of moving to another city around the way from here, down the way from here, but it was like but we never did connect, so I wasn't tripping, just missed communications. Yeah, because he said we wanted to do lunch together. So I was like, yeah, I told him look, anytime you want to, I'm up for it. I can make that trip, then come back. This ain't nothing new to me, Y'all know me.
Speaker 3:This is a weekly thing. At this point I be dedicated. You've been here three times this week and I'm tired as a mother.
Speaker 1:Fuck, I was at work, girl. I was like oh child, don't talk to me, I don't like, I can't deal. And as soon as I got off, I was here straight to y'all and Like yo, like you've been here, you have Like almost as here.
Speaker 2:I'm glad you got new tires.
Speaker 1:Hello, no, it ain't. Oh, it's driving Shoot and I'm glad you said that I haven't got my oil changed too.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that's true Got my oil changed. She got her change today. Shutting.
Speaker 3:Like yeah, today was an incredible day for her.
Speaker 1:I'm staying home and doing nothing. I'm going to go do that on Friday. That's what I'm going to do.
Speaker 2:Well, you have any questions for us, Because I mean I'd be shooting the shit, but you got any questions for us, I would shoot. And the floor is open.
Speaker 3:I mean, look man, we got a party in about 30 minutes or so 20 minutes. I still got to get dressed. You think I'm partying like this. It's your house, you good, do what you want. No, I want to get fly the fuck. I'm not trying to look like y'all.
Speaker 2:Fuck you too, Bitch. I'm always cute, You're my episode.
Speaker 4:No, I'm not cute.
Speaker 2:Oh look, this is Steve, Steve, you have to be right here, we'll wrap it up. Let's just see. Let's see what he got to say to be right here.
Speaker 1:Well, I can ask you this the conversation we had, coming from the Renaissance, we went and started the Sons Sure, I do. That was amazing. The conversation that we was on the highway and I was telling you what I noticed about John, I don't remember. Go ahead, OK so, John. So I was in the car talking with her about you because I noticed that when y'all were bantering with each other earlier that day, you had a smile on your face when you was joking with her and I'm telling her I'm like girl, he loves that shit. Have you seen the smile? Every time he looks at you and he's just like I don't know.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That's about the one thing I guess you never noticed that I like, like, I lovingly hate you.
Speaker 1:What kind of shit is that?
Speaker 3:Look at those things she gets on her. I like she'll buy random shit and then go build this and it's just like motherfucker, like the newspapers.
Speaker 1:But don't you build it, of course.
Speaker 2:Yeah, everything in this room he built.
Speaker 3:I'm telling her, I'm talking about her, yeah, but no, am I not supposed to smile?
Speaker 1:No, that's not it. I was telling her like I noticed that how y'all, like y'all dynamic is. I noticed how, whenever you react to her, it's always like a loving smile. Whenever you talk to her, Even though y'all could be bullshitting and joking around, it's like a relaxed smile on your face. That's what friends do, and I thought that was like the most beautiful thing that I ever saw. Like I was just like, oh my god, this man truly loves her. That's what friends do and I asked her like, did you notice that, like I?
Speaker 2:guess I really didn't until he brought it up. That's the one thing she's never noticed, I guess, because usually she'll notice everything about my ass, but I guess that.
Speaker 4:No, like that's how in a relationship.
Speaker 3:You're supposed to be friends, you're supposed to have fun, like. I feel like a lot of people get in a relationship nowadays and they get in it because the pussy was good or the sex was good, or they made them feel this one thing this one time.
Speaker 1:Right, no, like me and Tosh, like that's not sustainable, though it's not. It's why we don't like each other, and this is why like with me and her.
Speaker 3:It's kind of like while like, yeah, she gets on my nerves sometimes and shit, most of the time we good, we're friends.
Speaker 4:Like at the end of the day.
Speaker 3:we don't have to like be all up under each other. We can be on two, as in a couch, and still love each other and still conversate like old friends, and that's what you're supposed to do, you're supposed to have your lover is supposed to be your friend. At the end of the day, if y'all not friends, y'all just fuck buddies.
Speaker 1:Yeah to me, if you know that, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:No, no, let's go, you just a, you just an in-house one-night stand at that point. Oh god we both just like at that point, like if y'all just fucking, like if that's what the relationship is about, the sex and that one emotional attachment y'all had years ago. Y'all you just an in-house fuck buddy.
Speaker 1:And I think that's why a lot of times that you know I I ask these questions because I, like I'm always going to ask questions to people who are actively paying attention to the relationships, actually doing the work, actually having conversations, and having tough conversations. I feel like a person to love me is to have a tough conversation with me and leave it feeling fulfilled.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we have tough conversations all the time. Shit, we have one recently, yeah it really did, and then, just like in some times in those conversations, you realize sometimes like you can be angry at somebody else or you can be hurt by somebody else's actions, but really it could be your own internalized issues that you need to deal with and work though.
Speaker 3:Right, you have to realize saying sorry's okay. Yeah, yeah, and you also have to realize sometimes sorry isn't enough, but you know it depends on what you did.
Speaker 1:Which is funny because I actually wrote about that in one of my songs. It's called Black Rose. This is coming on the album. I see Keeping a flood to hell. I wrote. You thought you had me fooled. You thought that why am I blanking on my own lyrics? This is fucked up, he ain't writing his own lyrics.
Speaker 3:That's bullshit. Why do we know that?
Speaker 2:Jay-Z, don't write down his lyrics.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, he got you you thought you had me fooled.
Speaker 1:You thought that you was clever, but saying that you sorry doesn't make it better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's actually really good, that's actually good, because I think people say sorry, but do you really?
Speaker 1:mean it?
Speaker 2:Do you mean it Like? I don't like, just plain sorry, like I would like.
Speaker 1:I love, plain sorry, where is it?
Speaker 3:then I personally don't like the game. No, oh, this is bad.
Speaker 2:No like for you. I will say, like if I do something and I am in a wrong, I can just say sorry and you let it go. Personally, I am a person who is just like, if I'm saying sorry, I need to say why I'm sorry, so you can understand where I come from Well, but also you have to remember some things are not forgivable, some things in life are just not forgivable.
Speaker 3:So when I say you know, sometimes you have to take sorry's, or you sometimes you have to understand that sorry's isn't the end or be all a thing, that makes me feel better. Right, we haven't been through that.
Speaker 1:Not going whatever, everything. But like we don't, have anything like that.
Speaker 3:So if I fuck up and I get my getting my fucking feelings and I take it out on her by accident, I know I'm in the wrong and I apologize for it. There's been times where I'm doing I'm apologizing as I'm doing it because I just need a vent and she's there. I can't. Yelling at a wall is horrible. I've done it before. It doesn't do that, but with her. If I'm yelling at her and this just sounds toxic to people, I understand, but there's been times where I'm yelling at her but I'm not yelling at her.
Speaker 1:I'm using. Well, you're naturally loud anyway.
Speaker 2:So it's not no, but it's definitely times when he's been T, but when he vents he's so passionate. So I'm just like listening to him as he's yelling, because he's just getting through his feelings and working out his feelings and I'm just listening.
Speaker 3:And then there's that all sorts of with me. I have to get my words together. So if I'm like, if we get into an argument and I have to defend myself right there, or if I have to respond right there, I might say some stupid shit and I have to come back later and apologize for it and get. So if I'm not able to get my words together, I'm fucked Right. You know, I'm a thinker.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think the thing with me is accountability is one thing true enough that you know we all can possess and do but I do feel like if I'm going to apologize, I'm going to sit down and I'm going to not only apologize for what I've done or said, but I'm also just want to get. The other side of the coin is how did you feel in that moment and what can we take away from it and what can I do going forward to make this better, as opposed to me just saying sorry? Then, like you know, right, they're keeping it moving, which I'm like.
Speaker 1:I got one, I got to apologize know what apologizing is for but then I also got to be like, look, this was, this was wrong and this was a moment. I'm not my proudest moment to life in general, please forgive me. Can we talk about this and actually come to a happy meeting with this situation and then going forward? I know not to do this again.
Speaker 3:Right, I mean that's good, yeah, I mean, like I, like she's done it, I've done it. We both had apologized, but that's the thing, like in a relationship.
Speaker 4:That's what you have to do you have to express your emotions like once again, a lot of these people.
Speaker 3:I'll see them in relationships and it's just like, oh, just fucking they do not like these each other.
Speaker 1:I don't get why are?
Speaker 2:I don't know, because I'm like I don't know how you can have a relationship and not have your partner as your friend like personally I don't get it. I'm like I'm gonna be. I'm supposed to be with you for the rest of my life, right? If that being said, we better have some shit to talk about right, because I talk a lot, so you gotta have something to say.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm saying, like a lot of these motherfuckers. And then there's their, their relationship for saving my work.
Speaker 1:That's the only reason, because they're both at work you know, and then once by so many people got divorced during COVID and then, and then like I think like each other and then people are only with each other for kids and it's just like there's so many bad, bad there's so many bad reasons that a lot of people are together and it's just like well man her already does.
Speaker 3:What actually friends like? We're friends that find each other attractive, yeah, you know, like I know and I don't want to see her with nobody, she doesn't want to see me with nobody. Cool, let's see each other with each other, exactly we're together now motherfucking, so that, like you have to like he ain't lying.
Speaker 2:I'm quite possessive. It's gonna be a problem.
Speaker 3:She is very possessive, I mean like, but it is what it is.
Speaker 1:I had no like remodeling. She's very much my man, my man, my man shout out to my man.
Speaker 2:I mean I guess the I'm no come like. It's almost just like how does one build a friendship in their relationship?
Speaker 3:you don't, you gotta, you kind of gotta start off, friends, no, you can, you can't, because I mean, technically we ain't we.
Speaker 2:We start off as people who knew each other didn't got in relationship because, then we broke up because the thing is, you know yeah when, when y'all weren't together, y'all had that.
Speaker 1:Y'all know each other's friends right like y'all just knew each other just cuz, yeah, now you get into relationship, it's not just about oh, I knew you like this, I have to know you as a romantic partner too, yeah, and that's also not just a friend. Then, like, if the next stage come, I get to know you as a mother now. So now I know you. That's why I was saying, like it's a privileged know a person past just one thing that's why I was saying yeah, yeah, I get it, but not like it's so weird for me because it's just like look the friendship is the main thing, because you get sex from anything like honestly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there was a skit years ago about his dude and how damn I rock. Well, he talked about like sometimes I just rather beat all than a deal with pussy getting process and that's a real thing deal with the pussy getting processed like trying to find a girl like it's somebody to actually find somebody to have like I don't have sex with, okay pussy getting processed like you send it too fast.
Speaker 2:Just slow it down and think about it you all right oh but no, like I don't, pussy getting processed.
Speaker 3:Oh my god, three minutes later that's all right, but no like so like there's so many other ways to have sex right, I mean, if you just want sex, go go pay somebody, fuck it. Yeah, I mean, you're already paying for a date, you might be paying for the pussy, or be direct with her.
Speaker 1:Say hey, all I want that too, and you'll be surprised at what answer you get.
Speaker 3:Oh, so if that's all you know, trust me, I know I've done that a million times and like, either you know either well or they won't mm-hmm what? So I'm thinking my text um, but like, either they will, they want every respect and as long as you don't do that, a whole man fuck you. Then, you ugly bitch, as long as you don't try that shit.
Speaker 1:But that's why? Because you were just trying to give it to my legs and I was like I wouldn't go. It's the way. It's so stupid, it's so it.
Speaker 3:But like you, need to base this shit off something more than just attraction because, and like that. I think that's where a lot of people fail, because it's just like she's gorgeous, fucking astoundingly gorgeous, right, but if she didn't have no personality and she was just boring?
Speaker 4:and she didn't make me laugh and I couldn't talk about music or politics or movies or anything like that.
Speaker 3:Whatever, I can't show her my real personality and I got a high defect that I enjoy Pokemon and I brought a fucking BMX bike and I spend way too much money on sneakers. If I got a high all this shit, it wouldn't work. Yo, I don't have a lot of relationship with you at that point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, and that you know. Same for me, like you know, yeah, I'm cute, but I mean, at the end of the day, like I am a nerd, you are, I am a huge nerd. I read, I love reading, I, I love reading. I have nothing but books, you know, not a new one. I just finished the light.
Speaker 3:We care about Michelle Obama that's the only book I've seen her read ever in life he's lying.
Speaker 2:But anyway, you know. You know I love to read, like I like anime, I like fan fiction.
Speaker 3:I'm such a dork like I love different she literally sits there in bed and I do. It's so great.
Speaker 2:I've been reading them since I was like 13, so I read, isn't the white books that the guy?
Speaker 1:no, I'll show you.
Speaker 2:I'll show you in a second but it's literally like I read all day and it's like one of the biggest things, like if I couldn't read, I was like just I would probably just die.
Speaker 2:I mean, you couldn't do the things you do without reading and I couldn't be the person who I am without reading a bitch, you know no, but the point is that you have to find somebody who sees things that you might other people might not find super attractive or boring, but they and the whole thing about this is that, while we have these different things that other people probably wouldn't like and I can care less about Pokemon not my thing, but I respect that's something that he loves. Why I like to read books.
Speaker 4:I do, but those are two different things.
Speaker 3:No, we don't have to have everything in common honestly, I feel like the main thing you have to have a common core values, core value that needs to be your common ground right there, because I hate Sailor Moon he hates Broadway.
Speaker 2:I love. I hate Broadway. I hate musicals.
Speaker 3:I don't love musicals.
Speaker 2:I love Disney. He hates Disney.
Speaker 3:I like right, I like okay okay, yeah, yeah so like oh, that's a balance. Oh, yes, okay so but like we, our core values are the same. Yeah, we can discuss so much shit like we talk about music way too much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think our favorite thing is like like turning on music and like getting that song within like a couple seconds now no honestly no, no, no.
Speaker 1:If you got the game, we go tv please. I have, that's what I hit. You know what we like doing now?
Speaker 3:we like putting on fucking the vivo music channels on like blue and shit and looking at all these dumbass new fucking videos that are just stupid.
Speaker 3:Some of them are really bad, and then the artists are just as bad, but there's some really good ones, oh, yeah, I found so many dope artists like real talk, if I if it wasn't for, like the, the, the, when we had cable, like the MTV music, the MTV jam, shit, I would have never knew about snow Allegra, and uh, uh a microphone to east and shit like that. Because like I was, just I mean, there's gyms.
Speaker 1:There's gyms exactly.
Speaker 3:And then, but then fucking, you get people like fucking the AR, whatever dude name, with the squeaky voice that like, look, he goes higher than that. Who? Some dude? Ar 5, 6, 7 I forgot his name, but now like real talk. All right, man I really would sit there and watch these videos and just clown them like what beavis?
Speaker 2:and butthead, we are beavis, and butthead.
Speaker 3:So it's like that's what we do and like if I didn't have that, if I can't do that in my relationship with you ain't gonna be all right, we can't be in a relationship. It's lame, it really would be. Look, I look. I'm sorry I couldn't be in the streets now.
Speaker 2:These because, like way too much, like y'all motherfuckers really think y'all city girls chill, I mean city girls ain't even city girls. Jt stay home and then like and then Carisha with Diddy that's a whole other thing. She been real quiet about that, but we ain't gonna get, we're not gonna know, but the point I try to make is the problem is I got in the attach it.
Speaker 2:Well, the city girls ain't even city girls like because a lot of people believe in what people are putting out there in the media and it's not real. A lot of them are saying that like we don't really live these lifestyles. You know, you have these different podcasts and yes, I am a podcaster, but you have so many podcasts that's separating people. Like what is she brings to the table? Oh, she has a degree, she knows too much. Oh, she don't cook, she don't do enough. It's just like you know there's all these different degrees, she knows too much. I'm serious, like it's literally like you cuz, cuz. It's this balance of bitch you're real what's that I hear?
Speaker 1:I can't mouth, you know, but it's definitely like this.
Speaker 2:But that ain't smile like, like, oh, you have your own house, your own car, you're independent, then you don't need me. So I don't know. You want to be the housewife and you're not Michelle, then you're too lazy. So then it's like what do you want?
Speaker 3:these dudes are like oh you gotta be able to pay one of my bills to take me out. Oh, we can't go to Applebee.
Speaker 2:I like red lobster.
Speaker 1:I'm glad y'all said that cuz I got a piece like gift card at my house.
Speaker 3:I'm bedan and I saw Applebee on a list. I used to work at. Applebee's now granted the food. Ain't amazing, but the same time that three cheese chicken, panay pasta it gets the job, it gets the job. That shit is fire and if I'm taking you out to a date and you can't appreciate the fact that I'm about to spend $20 on a fucking meal that I could have just cooked at my house for way less than what if I like? No?
Speaker 1:that don't make no sense now. You better sit your ass down and get this to for 25.
Speaker 3:You better go ahead, go to these NBA games or these football games, and go find you on the now, cuz you ain't gonna find that in these streets.
Speaker 2:I love a chilies girl I'm looking forward to. I want to go get some takeout, go to city park and chill and realize with the dog.
Speaker 1:So okay, the city park that we was at yeah okay, um, yeah, we gotta talk about that later when it comes to you know certain things, because I'm trying to shoot some shit out there, oh yeah and like I've seen coffee shop on that list, I'm like I love it.
Speaker 2:That's an ideal thing.
Speaker 3:First off, you're not spending mad money to get to know somebody on the first date yeah, like being by the person exactly, I'm talking about first day wise.
Speaker 1:No, I know, that's what I'm saying I just like being in front, like the front of the, as you should be, because, I mean, you're looking to see who the person is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but like I mean, yeah, let's say somebody blows 600, 700 for a meal, but then he tries out to be an asshole. Yeah, why does it matter then?
Speaker 3:right, it's like let's go to a coffee shop, let's get some tea, let's get some hot chocolate.
Speaker 1:Right, let's talk about each other this is like what are you interested in?
Speaker 3:because maybe you're doing something I might like and I'm gonna like you know right, because that's a big thing to me like baby.
Speaker 1:That's how I fell in love with one of my exes. No shade like we would just send each other Spotify talk about your dress okay, all right what's it?
Speaker 2:it's five, but then we're you know, they ain't coming on time. I don't know why you're gonna be telling the person who's coming. Maybe on time. Y'all is my sister, but my sister never comes on time because we're black. But did I say that out loud?
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, love my sister okay, yeah, no, my sister is literally not, she's uptown, they own it for some word about.
Speaker 2:Well, she has to get our nephew sweetheart, don't play with him on this podcast, but no, seriously, like I, just I don't. I don't get a lot, I don't know. I feel like if we were, god forbid, but we would ever to not be what we are, I think. I would just have to be single. I don't know which makes me sad for, like people who are out here really looking, and I'm just like I do believe there are some people who believe in a man of fear and I forgot what the female equivalent?
Speaker 2:because there is a female equivalent to it. I just cannot think of the name of it, and there are women out here who have that same issue. But, to be fair, a lot of people really, really don't. They're just looking and they just haven't found that person yet you know.
Speaker 1:I think that's why I'm running too many issues being in the gay community, because it's like I know that we all want love but we all don't want to get hurt because of that drastic situation. So we all just trying to, when I ain't gonna say we all, because it's not me girl, but we like.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's why hook up culture is a thing because it's like we all just trying to feel something other than just, you know, like despair and sadness. And you know, because we're in the gay community we got too much of it, so now we just trying to fuck our lives away and pop poppers and not me, girl, but um and do all the things, girl.
Speaker 2:I gotta story to tell you about that bullshit to girl girl you know, I tried one just for the hell of it, wasn't even having sex. Just try one for the hell of it. Why would you do.
Speaker 1:You got a headache, didn't you?
Speaker 2:oh my god, leave my ass on the floor for 15 years, me and my friend, we were just at his house like literally, because I have a lot of guy friends, right and it was like not a sexual thing at all, and we were at his house with my other friend, who's also a gay guy and um, just have, so have and just have peppers. So we tried them right literally just in the kitchen, on the floor, like this, everybody's on the kitchen floor.
Speaker 1:And then we got it and rushed all the blood to your head.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, so freaking fast yeah and then you just like well, that was a thing, mm-hmm. I mean, thank God it passed through your system really fast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's why they keep this, that's why they keep puffing it, that's why.
Speaker 2:I was, I ain't for me not.
Speaker 1:Shoot. I'm with Beyonce when she says to me drugs for some freak shit.
Speaker 2:How did you change? My husband is like a king of the quick change.
Speaker 1:Why no? Turning on it?
Speaker 2:is on, it's on. Yeah, I mean, that was, that was a.
Speaker 3:Loud in those days I wasn't doing.
Speaker 2:Did that too, but nah, I'm not, so I did poppers once. It was weird.
Speaker 3:I'm a friend Keith. My friend Keith told me what poppers right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know no one in the room is having sex. Everyone is just just randomly trying drugs and they were just like huh.
Speaker 1:It's not good enough for you to get you ahead a child.
Speaker 2:I mean it didn't last long, but also was I was highly intoxicated.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I had a drinking problem out this world?
Speaker 1:I don't know how you did? Oh, I did. I'm gonna share a story, but it's too, too graphic, oh, Fuck, keep, I love, keep.
Speaker 3:the depth of that motherfucker went to detail. I'm just like bitch, I don't need to notice Like bruh it was, it was loud, it was crazy.
Speaker 1:I didn't do no poppers, but the person I was with was doing and I'm like, sir, I am turned off, get up off me, cuz this ain't doing nothing for me, but I'm worried about you like this, I think, because he had so many and they were like dead. I was just like, oh, you do this. No, it was one I didn't do no, I'm saying like with him and like I said oh so you be doing this on the frequent.
Speaker 2:I'm like okay, I'm good. No, I think, at least for me, I can't speak about that. You, I was just like I'm like going through things like our family and we and we weren't together and then I mean I definitely had like Prudence. I was drinking bottles and bottles of alcohol bomb.
Speaker 3:I was drinking Cody and at that time it was wild days. I was on that lane like a motherfucking.
Speaker 1:I've always been afraid to try it.
Speaker 3:Well, we lean lean sister. Oh, that's fucking.
Speaker 2:I mean I'm afraid to try, I mean it's not good, I've done it. It's not good, it's not fun, it's not fun.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna be honest with you.
Speaker 3:Like I used to do it and then, like it became a habit to where, like I was doing it too much, I had to mix it back, like the other point where I was mixing the codeine and Promethazine with alcohol, not spray. Yeah, this one was right. I'm not supposed to be to Apple.
Speaker 2:I did, it was right. I never did it.
Speaker 3:Well, I'm not spray, you can make sure, like any food, I was mixed.
Speaker 2:It was right. I'm just saying personally, like you know.
Speaker 1:So was it? Was it a downer yeah?
Speaker 2:which is crazy. Then you want to go out and party. I did, but then you put you on a downer.
Speaker 1:So if you take a upper and a downer, do it can't reach out out. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I think we do a type of crazy things and you think about, like that's why you should not supposed to have red bull and Baca. Those are the worst combination, because it's like having a liquid cocaine.
Speaker 4:Same thing with a.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I suppose to do that people do it all the time. Let me have a bottle Red Bull liquid cocaine.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna cut that bitch. I just realized, oh that bitch, oh she the jail. She should go because the way she said, you know you drink red one like yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna do it cuz people don't really think about the consequences and Red Bull is literally 20s, like you don't really think about it.
Speaker 1:I was up for that whole day and a half.
Speaker 2:Girl Like I was like I could go to sleep, for shit like Misses, I had a boss and, mind you, he wasn't doing no drugs. He was not doing drugs, but he would be so busy at work he would like pretty much like, almost like mixing, like coffee, the variable, like it's your heart just beating fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm happy. I grew up in that era of alcohol, of, like you know, md 2020, hypnoe and Hanice see cuz like I know that's how we know you were going through something cuz MD 2020.
Speaker 2:Okay, look.
Speaker 3:You get liquor stores in Jersey would sell you, sell you in the 2020.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the one about Right down the street. I literally like I will go in in the morning. You know you get your little orange MD, so it looks like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I thought I was doing something with the four locals I was going down now.
Speaker 3:I knew I was going through some shit.
Speaker 1:Drinking for.
Speaker 2:Once and she was just like hell, no. But now she was not to be fair. They ain't gonna do her like that. She was the girl girl. My sister was always a good girl.
Speaker 3:I was getting caught when I heard fabulous Go, ain't no time to look with that hip. No, it do to me, I'll act when it's not.
Speaker 1:Not a see, oh, that's, that's a dope drink right there. That's you hip not a see.
Speaker 2:That's not like hypnotic and ecstasy. That does not sound like some job.
Speaker 1:No, I put hypnotic and odyssey.
Speaker 2:No, but if you say hypnotic ecstasy, hypnotic, see oh.
Speaker 1:I heard hypnotic. See this why I was like. But now, like the moment I heard fabulous say that shit.
Speaker 3:I was like, oh, what the fuck is that? And I seem to bottle my mom.
Speaker 1:She was like I'm not sure I'm doing that I ain't like you drinking hard. What is wrong with our parents? My parents never okay, oh no. That's a whole different. Hold on, let me, let me, let me vindicate my mother real quick, because she did not have me drinking.
Speaker 2:I have. My parents did not have me drink.
Speaker 1:I was sneaking drinking with my little cousin who had 1800 bottles in her closet at the tender age of 14, and we were taking shots on her back room and her mother didn't even find out till we hit the tender age of 20.
Speaker 3:Oh, hard looking that's how that bullshit?
Speaker 1:I was just taking a shot because the bitch had it in there. I'm just trying to figure out how she had it.
Speaker 2:Md-21.
Speaker 1:Y'all Mean she had like fold, like 1800 bottles For some reason, I think she told me that she had bleep, bleep by for and that's why she was able to have it in her room.
Speaker 2:See, I wasn't that good to get some. I had bleep, bleep by me, stuff too Cuz. I was it going to the spoke, I ain't gonna get caught. No, I had a bleep bleep who just good things. Now, right, I'm a saying what the fuck?
Speaker 1:how you looking, how mother, you know that she was cleaning out her room because she was moving out, because she was, you know, getting her apartment and things.
Speaker 3:We are.
Speaker 1:Lisa baby. I mean, I think I said girl you just not finding out, we've been, we've been getting drunk in her back room for years, girl, you just not. But then again, that's that again. You know, kids don't tell your parents nothing. You so you still know.
Speaker 2:Like you know, I don't mind what Lisa did. Lisa she a you are bra mess, that's fine.
Speaker 3:Lisa no.
Speaker 2:I was damn mom trying to help you out never my.
Speaker 3:Ain't really that fucking potent, like it's literally just.
Speaker 1:Are you sure? Because hypnotic I drink not too long ago was very potent and I only took one sip and I was good with that. I haven't, I haven't, I haven't drunk drunk, drunk.
Speaker 2:I haven't drink you haven't had a drink.
Speaker 1:I haven't had a drink in months.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that when you don't drink like that, your tolerance you know, get low.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's why I like oh.
Speaker 1:Because she likes to throw him down. Girl back in the day, I used to be shit I mean yeah, but I mean shit.
Speaker 2:Tasha 25. I could drink Tasha 35 under the table.
Speaker 3:I'm okay with my diet to be in a better space. I'm dying for years was like six jack and coax and ten shots of Jameson.
Speaker 1:Oh God, that's a drink, jack and Coke. Okay, so I celebrate him. I celebrate my birthday at big play, which is this arcade in the area of Biloxi, mississippi. Go there, have a good time. They got $2 Tuesdays for bowling. It's come on now. You can just put them to sleep when you in the car.
Speaker 2:I can't put. Put them in a little sausage and give him a little pill. I can't do that, no, just walking asleep like a little baby.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what was I saying? Sorry, my jacket coat. So he was over there celebrating my birthday and I was with a group of my co-workers who I really love. Shout out to them, one of them, he drinks Jack and Coke. I said, okay, we can all do this, you don't give a fuck. Now he told the dumb part to Give me an extra cup because we need. We're gonna make sure everybody was accounted for. That man put an extra shot Inside the goddamn Jack and Coke.
Speaker 1:So we are, he's my type of bar so all of us are sweating inside the photo booth. Girl, we look like we don't ran all the way through Las Vegas and back, girl we look.
Speaker 4:Toa girl.
Speaker 1:My hair was flat, it was like it was girl. I look, I was feeling real good, my hair was full. I was really like no casual but cute Chow got the drink in that fucking shit and got to that damn photo booth to realize my head went like this I said oh yeah, I'm toe up, look. And then we all got, we all drove there. So I'm just like, okay, thank God I live like 10 minutes away, right here, because my god there would have been a mess. Then I knew something was up because I walked out the place with my goddamn bowling shoes on and forgot my shoes in the actual place, so I don't went and got to the damn stoplight like two blocks down and got a car from a co-worker. Oh, you like your shoes, come back.
Speaker 3:For real like that's these expensive motherfuckers.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I know I just like I don't like the clunky-ass bowling shoes.
Speaker 1:I didn't feel them.
Speaker 2:Oh, you must, you was.
Speaker 1:Look, now I do with my cousin meant when she, when she gets drunk here, she's just like I drink, so I don't feel my feet. I was like that's a thing and I realized, yes, oh wait, the cousin, I was here, yes, oh no, she shouldn't be no no.
Speaker 1:No, that's the only like whenever I come bring her to New Orleans. That's the only way she's able to walk around New Orleans with me is because she get drunk, yeah that's insane, wow. The thing between that situation was the fact that that little silly bitch didn't drink that water, like I told her. That's why she was out of breath. She got right when I gave her water.
Speaker 2:But treat your cousin like a freaking house plan.
Speaker 1:I said. I said you, little bitchy, look here, I'm a cute because she don't dangerously love right now. But, bitch, you better get your act together. I said that's all the fucking took to get your ass right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's how long it took out again. That's a whole different story.
Speaker 2:How's that? The fight the people at the Superdome? Oh my god.
Speaker 3:They don't need a whole more conscious there.
Speaker 1:Like things could have been a whole lot why? Why people ain't coming in no more, and they're so sad, cuz I mean I'm happy to come over here.
Speaker 2:Well, you should be coming soon. It's Nikki having her touch show down. Yeah, she is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got that, so I got my tickets.
Speaker 3:Tickets and like a bad back.
Speaker 2:That's really fast. Okay, it's talking to you, queen, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'm like happy about it.
Speaker 3:Oh.
Speaker 1:Yes yes, love her. That's my girl, don't we love her I mean. I give her too much because she had a good time. Now, just like girl, don't you ever do that, don't tell, pull that shit mean. Look to her defense. Her loop is was acting up that day. So we didn't know, I didn't know what was going on yeah. And she was just like child. Look, you don't understand. This ain't never happened me before. I said I see that, but girl.
Speaker 2:I mean, when she was here, she was talking about drinking. All right, we gonna, we have a good time, you know you, you want to be messed up, you want to be like, not messed up, you want to be tipsy loose for a concert, but you want to experience right, you don't want pass out the front row. You know you don't want to be like those other people, like falling asleep doing a concert.
Speaker 3:They had too much Keep dead. What was the tour right before? Right before, not Renaissance formation?
Speaker 2:No, yeah, under run formation on the run to, he was on the floor.
Speaker 3:Like he was like ground floor passed out. A see, mr O'Connor.
Speaker 2:That's crazy, cuz I had a ball at the top of our tour, tour to, I didn't out.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 3:I love keep the death.
Speaker 1:All this money and I can't see be. First of all, I'm glad like the seats that I bought was close by y'all, because I'm like, okay, I was more focused on seeing the screen cuz I was like looking at clips throughout, you know, over times and I was just I fell in love with the interludes and I really want to just hear how the music really sounded, and I'm just like that's why I was so excited in the movie theater when we went to go see, because I was hoping she would play them in lose. In the movie it's smaller. If you haven't seen. I'm so sorry if y'all have not seen rena renaissance.
Speaker 2:It is more like Come on, it's gonna be out of theaters anyway.
Speaker 3:She might put it out on weekdays.
Speaker 2:That miss work for dawn, but I Baby, I would I tell her.
Speaker 1:I said, I told them I was like girl, you, you and I, only few people.
Speaker 2:I would actually Actively miss work for get out of job.
Speaker 1:Just come over here, see you.
Speaker 2:No, baby, I can't take off, no more days. I.
Speaker 1:Said I got, I gotta say some, I gotta say some PCO for these shows coming around. Okay we talked about enough.
Speaker 2:Let's see we talked about just life, life sadness.
Speaker 1:I might pay attention. No more. John Reciping on red wine. I'm much on a mic and Ike and I'm sipping on a bottle of water, so I mean you ate the mic and Ike's throughout the whole episode.
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, I Can't help it. I really love them so much. And if I have a man that wants to love on me and bring me Mike and Ike's the mega mix kind or the green box kind, it doesn't matter, as long as the shit is cheap and tastes good, I will gladly accept and you can take me out on a date. Oh my word, it's good and free and fast. First of all, mike and Ike, can you give me a brand deal please, cuz I'm an independent artist and I would love the money each out all the time. Well, I don't eat child.
Speaker 2:Shut up oh my god, I'm taking the wine away from him at this point.
Speaker 4:Oh my god.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's been real. It was a pleasure to introduce my husband to y'all, because yeah. It's like a real big part of my life and he is like my very best friend.
Speaker 2:We've been trying to do for the longest so like when we talk and we really just have a good time, like we just be clowning and just having a good time. So just give y'all a small bit of my world. Is has been wonderful and the gorgeous Sharon is baseman Anthony and stuff, because he is he's fam, y'all, he's fam. So I know this episode has been kind of all over the place because you just disassociate, because this is literally how I?
Speaker 2:oh my god, this is literally how our conversations go, so I hope this wasn't too all over the place. I hope y'all was able to follow. If not, y'all can comment.
Speaker 1:It's okay with the title of the last episode.
Speaker 2:Yes, but I love the place again. But these grown folks talk. I really hope y'all enjoyed this episode. If not, it's okay. I understand we are kind of chaotic, we are a chaotic family, but thank y'all for listening and I hope y'all have a wonderful day.
Speaker 1:Socials.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I guess we got to do that too.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm attached to do a lot.
Speaker 1:People can't spell, baby, you got to tell them.
Speaker 2:T H E D O U L A Do la.
Speaker 1:Yes, all right, white Mike go ahead.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So John's Instagram is Instagramcom. Slash white Mike.
Speaker 2:That's W I T E M I C. There is no H in that.
Speaker 1:And the fabulous voice that you're hearing right now is my Voice. My name is Anthony Hale. My Instagram is official Anthony Hale because Anthony.
Speaker 2:Artist for me talking to him.
Speaker 1:You Ain't have to bring him up. No shade to him. No shade to him. Like you know, I'm not gonna stop him from using his name. That's my name as well, but you know how we got talk like that. But just the official Anthony Hale O, f, l, I, c, I, a, l, a, m, t H O N Y H A L E, because obviously some bitches can't spell and I have to spell it out. My website, official Anthony calm, which is under wraps right now because it did just trying to get some things into works. Youtube comm slash. Official Anthony. All of my music and streamings and music videos are all there as well. Following on Spotify, apple music. Welcome to the.
Speaker 3:Anthony Hale podcast I know, I am like Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2:I was like a two minutes of him talking.
Speaker 1:I got to plug myself. My new album, mind games, is gonna be out in 2024, the top of the year. Dangerous yes, my single from the album is called dangerous. It is out Music video to becoming so. I'm so excited.
Speaker 3:Go stream SOS. It's just a good album, oh.
Speaker 1:What do we listen to currently? What's what's your jam? What am I?
Speaker 2:listening to.
Speaker 3:The Disney soundtrack for things oh.
Speaker 2:No, honestly, I just feel listening to Renaissance all the time I'm not cracking it. He got crack in it. You listen to like look, la, la la.
Speaker 3:No no, I, that was like a month ago now. Like, I'm sorry, I'm going through my terabyte of like. I'm like shit I haven't listened to yet. So I literally just listened to All the Coco Jones music. Love her, love her. You can tell a difference from like, oh, yeah, I. Listen to all the tutorial money stuff.
Speaker 1:Crack in it. Lucky day stuff so that's our music right there. That's how I clean up the music on Saturdays. That's that's ours.
Speaker 3:Honestly, you know what I've been listening to lately? Fucking the deaf jam fight for New York soundtrack in a damn game.
Speaker 1:I swear like.
Speaker 2:And, to be fair, I actually I went back and I was just listening to new breed recently I Went back into the dawn or shard.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:You better say you're right. But yeah, I went back cuz I was just like you know. Let's go back to like a couple years.
Speaker 1:I simply, I simple that on the first track of my album. Y'all here soon. Oh yes, that new breed that that album is always in rotation with me, like all the time. So I'm glad you said it because that's like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you just go. You know what?
Speaker 1:and you can live. Now you can literally play it all the way through and it works. But you know I had the original version, so I'm special like that. Let me not be messy.
Speaker 2:But anyway, my message has to listen to jealousy, like like I'm going through something.
Speaker 1:I'm the reason he flourished it, the reason he wake up in the morning, the cookie that he eats when he and this fucking pie. That's down and I'm mad, ain't got picked up. I'm gonna be uploaded again, just for shit. Okay, okay.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, we have a cookie party. Speaking of cookies, yeah, I hope you have a wonderful year if you hear this before the end of this year. I highly doubt it. But if not, happy 2024. I hope the error thing happens the way you want it to happen and I hope that you guys are making your journals and you're manifesting and you're trying to make your way out of whatever situation You're going through. And God bless.
Speaker 1:Yeah, have a good night, Keep living and keep loving.