Bulletproof Romance w/ guests Anna & Sara Hutchcraft

Our wives are back on the show! Anna and Sara join in the fast-moving conversation about ways you can bulletproof romance. 

Whether you’re married or just want some helpful tips for if you do get married, you’ll find simple, repeatable steps to build connection that lasts. Enjoy the conversation, try one habit today, and tell us which one moves the needle for you. And if this resonated, subscribe, leave a review, and share this with a friend who needs a lift.

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Transcript

Wives Join And Episode Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome everyone to Go Mad with Doug and Brad and Sarah and Anna. That's right. If you are not watching on YouTube right now, you want to check this out because our lovely wives are with us. They make us look better. I don't actually know that I don't know if they do. I look like I do, but they look better.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

So is it is it I've heard uh wives referred to as our better half, but if they're better, isn't it more like our better three-quarters? That's pretty pretty. Do I have the math right on this?

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Can someone check?

SPEAKER_00 0:41

I I have to say, just for anyone tuning in, today is about bulletproof romance. And uh we're gonna be talking about eight things, eight ways, eight steps to have bulletproof romance. Each of us are gonna share two. This is gonna go pretty quickly today, but if you're like, oh, they're talking about marriage, okay. Yes, we will. Uh there'll be a good bit of talking about marriage today, but I I right now and your relationship. It really is, because right now it is spring training for baseball season. As Sarah knows, because I get so excited when pitchers and catchers report. It sucks.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Who does Anna? Our wives are so thrilled when they start talking sports.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

And the odds. So maybe you're not married right now. You can be taking notes so you can be thinking, how can I aim towards these goals and be a good one even before I'm a good two at some point.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Guys, as you know, I'm very serious about making friends as easily as I can. Yes. As superficially as I can. Yes. I have I've figured, I Googled it, the two best ways are donuts and random trivia. As you can see, I don't have any donuts. I was gonna talk to you about that. But who receives the highest number of Valentine's Day cards? It's not wives. Elementary school children. Oh, you're so close! Elementary school teachers.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

I still win.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

All right, now please keep it uh out of the gutter. Around six million cup six million couples will do this on Valentine's Day. It's a very special Make homemade fondue. Yes. While they're getting engaged.

SPEAKER_03 2:31

While they will get engaged.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

And the last one, so Valentine's Day is the second largest card sending holiday. After what holiday? No, I don't know. Mother's Day. I thought I had heard that too. Google said Christmas. Let's just give it to Anna. No, it's Mother's Day. It's smarter than Google. So can I just jump in here? We've got two of these each. How to how to have a bulletproof romance? Uh Anna and I have been married for 31 years.

SPEAKER_05 3:01

In May.

Admit You’re Wrong And Reconnect

SPEAKER_02 3:02

In May. Yep. And on May 13th, and uh she's awesome. Um, but we uh we none of us have a perfect marriage, but we thought of a few things that might uh uh that we have found that that can help bulletproof, uh especially when things can be challenging, a challenging time. So I'm gonna start us with this. Find your inner fawns. Now, I've met too many youngsters these days who I say the fons, and they give me a blank stare. All the time.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

The Fonz. I mean, this is Henry Winkler. I dressed up the ball.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

That's not the leather bigger.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

I dressed up my daughter, Noelle. Um, but the reason I bring up the Fonz is he he had this very funny moment in Happy Days where he he was a real he was a prideful guy and a tough guy, and he could never get out the word wrong. So he was trying to apologize. He goes, I was what, Fonz? I was wrong? Yes, yeah, that. Um that is uh that's a big one, being able to admit when you biffed it, um, not waiting too long to admit that. Ephesians 4 has great um, I think, I think uh take it literally advice. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry. Don't you guys find that? You just even if you're like fighting sleep and you're like, man, something isn't quite right, it's worth saying, hey, like I I I gotta get right with you here. Um it's interesting that a little after that it says, don't give the devil a foothold. That gives the devil a door into your life when you're not serious about admitting you were wrong about something, especially quickly. A little advice here, be specific. Another sorry for when I was dumb.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Um, you know, let him be sorry all the time.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

Be specific, don't give any excuses. Don't please if you're ex if you're I was wrong sounds like I was wrong, but just stop it, I was wrong. And also, if you go with I'm sorry that you feel that way. No, I'm sorry that I messed up. Um, acknowledge your mistake, recognize that there was some emotional impact because this was towards someone that you love very much and they love you, express a desire to make it right and then actually change your behavior. I think men feel like expressing failure is weakness, but it's actual great strength. Anyone can be a bore and and uh and act like they're right all the time. I'm gonna wait for her. I'm gonna wait for her. If by the way, if you feel like you're 51% wrong and she's 49% wrong, or the other way, whatever the math is, I'm gonna wait till she says it first. You weren't really sorry in the first place. So don't wait. Um admitting you are wrong is true love. First first, first Corinthians 13, love, it's strength. Hey, we talk about being an ambassador, um, showing Jesus to your family. This is a great way to do it. That your kids, your wife, see you're willing to admit if you have the strength and the humility to say you're wrong. Um at the end of the day, and I'll wrap up with this, it's not about, remember this, it's not about winning the argument, it's about repairing the connection. Okay? Because at the end of the day, no one's gonna be like, well, I wonder, I wonder who won that. You're just you're either connected or you're not.

Encourage Daily To Guard Hearts

SPEAKER_00 6:49

So um try to say I was wrong without the stuttering. So be don't be like Fonz in that. So um, we're uh gonna keep going. Anna's up next. Uh we should point out that there is a multitude we won't get to today. These are eight quick things uh that we are hopeful will be a help to you. Anna, what you got first for us?

SPEAKER_05 7:12

Um I would say encouraging each other was uh a big one. I know um we've said the same thing, uh, just that it's a it does restore your um relationship and it strengthens it. And I don't I think I probably mentioned this, but but it just uh encouraging me to uh just homeschool our kids was a big thing for for me personally was I mean I didn't have confidence in myself with uh being a teacher and being I know I know I do it constantly with being a mom, but it's different when you're educating your child. So I didn't have confidence in myself and I was I think dreading just the whole process of it as well. And um he just encouraged me in in uh what he said and just by getting involved and and uh bias action and all of that. And um one of the verses that I was uh thinking of is Hebrews 3.13. It says, uh, but encourage one another daily. Daily. Daily and that was uh that's one of the verses that I really loved.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

That's amazing. That is such a good point, and I would say I we have to take a quick time out here to say what amazing all-stars and rock stars our wives are with homeschool. Oh my goodness. I I mean they we we always tell folks we homeschool, and then I'm like, well, Sarah does.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

I it's not as hard as you think, but it takes not as hard as you think, but it takes a great teacher, and you guys both are so patient and and yes, brilliant, you're great. That scripture, I love that scripture, it goes on to say encourage one another daily so that the day-by-day sin will not make your heart hard. Isn't that interesting that there's that there's some connection between being having a specific encouragement for your spouse, for the person you love, and there's a connection between that and their heart not growing hard. Because there's so much junk around this on social media and in the news and and sin everywhere somehow encouraging one another keeps us from letting that stuff get our heart hard be an encourager and do it daily. Love that, Anna.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

Sarah?

Have Fun And Fuel Intimacy

SPEAKER_04 9:40

I love both of you mentioned something that's done frequently, apologizing frequently when you've messed up, encouraging each other daily. I think a lot of these are things that we return to many, many times, um, not just like once a month or on your anniversary or whatever. Um mine is have fun together. Find times to laugh and there's the old joke about the ball and chain and and just um being stuck or chained to your spouse or your home as if it sucks all the fun out of life and the freedom out of life.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

It's easy to get there, but it's easy for that to happen.

SPEAKER_04 10:14

Exactly, exactly. Because life it life can be a drudge sometimes. Life can be difficult, and so you want to find that refreshment and that joy in each other. Um Ecclesiastes 9 9 says, Enjoy life with your wife whom you love. And I actually looked up the root word uh for enjoy, and it's the Hebrew for um to behold or to see, to joyfully look upon. And it's the word in Genesis 1 when it says, and God saw that it was good. And I thought, what a cool example that is for looking into each other's spirits and seeing who you really are and finding joy in that, and um and how much easier it is to laugh together when you really see each other and know each other and take the time to joyfully look upon one another and just have fun together. Um and it just leads to all kinds of trouble when you're in like inappropriate places and somebody looks at you just right and you know what they're thinking, and you have that moment, it just increases the bond. I call this kind of the fuel for a marriage. You maybe don't build a marriage on it, but it fuels it, it gives it life and energy and just makes the relationship so much more fun.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

What a great way to bulletproof your romance. And I'm noticing as we're talking about these things, they all kind of affect and pour into one another. You're gonna you're gonna have more fun and enjoy your spouse more when you're encouraging one another and when you're admitting your faults and and when you've been wrong. Um Brad, I just feel like you might have another item to do that.

Clear Communication Over Fix-It Listening

SPEAKER_00 11:48

But I have to say, I think uh on the laughter and fun, I think what that also leads to is a deeper romance and a deeper intimacy with each other because when we when we're having fun together, it leads to a it fuels another side of closeness. And so I love that, Sarah. That is so good. Um the uh for me um it's related to I was reminded of just this morning. So I had my wellness visit this morning. So I have my wellness visit. He passed, and I had passed. Um you're a buzzard, not gonna be but I so I mentioned it to Sarah, you know, like six, seven hundred nine. No, um I mentioned it to her a few.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

You look forward to them as much as well.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

It'll be a lot of fun. So last night she asked me something about um what I would want for breakfast, and I'm like, well, I I'll be, you know, I got the fasting going on, so don't worry about me. And uh so then she she texts this morning and she's like, so uh any breakfast thoughts? And I'm like, yes, doctor.

SPEAKER_04 12:51

And then they hadn't kicked in yet.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

So the the for me, this was the I clear communication. That is another button. Um I the the way that I see this uh playing out is especially James 1.19, where it says, be quick to listen. And I want to clarify on this, I'll just uh say this that's all in listening, not fix-it listening, which is mostly for the guys out there. All right, uh it is it's listening so that you are hearing Proverbs 18, 13 says, it's you have folly and shame if you give an answer before hearing. So when I'm sitting there, I read that and I'm just like, oh my god. I'm sure glad I never do that. So being quick to listen and with that all in listening, slow to speak, and again, I just am inclined to talk to the guys a little bit to say, but do speak. Don't I it's important to communicate, be slow to speak so that you have listened, but do share with each other, talk with each other, communicate clearly, and then slow to become angry. And if we are, and I think just that regular communication where we're like, hey, I'm gonna take time. I love what our pastor says that to have that daily delay, to take five minutes. Sometimes we do it at the beginning of the day, sometimes it's at the end. But it's like, I know Sarah appreciates when we take a few minutes at the beginning of the day and I talk her through my day. So she's not like, is he gonna be home for lunch? Is this and so I know that's important to her, so I should take time for that. In Ephesians 4 29, no unwholesome talk out of your mouth. Only what is helpful for building others up. That's a standard. Yeah, the last thing that I would say on the communication, make sure you're talking to each other and not about each other. When we're talking about no unwholesome talk, I think gossip in that as well. It's not just when we're talking to each other directly, but don't talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

What about social media?

SPEAKER_00 14:56

No, that's is it okay to do that? Yeah, I mean, that's that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:59

Uh and by the way, if you're like not using names, people are still gonna. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. This guy who will remain nameless didn't bring out the garbage the last two weeks.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

So clearly communicate with each other, make it a priority. That's good. Uh and and you will help bulletproof your romance.

Love In Your Spouse’s Language

SPEAKER_02 15:17

You know, we uh we do live in a culture where men need to be like men more. The Bible has an interesting verse, it even says at one point, act like men. Like we know what that is. The problem is there's been a few lies that have gotten thrown in there where being a man means not showing your emotion, especially to I'm not talking about going and sobbing uh in a movie in front of everybody. Hey, sorry. Look, I was last week, you'll get over it. But at the same time, to it it is not weakness to communicate how you feel and your thoughts and your emotions to your spouse. It's a weakness not to. Um so can I share another one? We're already halfway through. Go for it. We're already halfway through. I'm gonna say, started with the fonds. I'm gonna go with another hero statement here. To be a hero in your spouse's language. Um, so I've I love the idea of being chivalrous, you know. I have no idea how to ride horses much less a white one um come riding, you know, coming riding into the kitchen in the white. I'm in here! It's weird. It's weird I get that. Um but I love the idea of being chivalrous uh for Anna and uh and loving her, but uh sometimes I gotta admit, I'm not always doing it in the way that she'll always appreciate it, but that is her language. Uh there's a very there's a funny moment in the TV show The Simpsons where Homer, the husband, buys Marge. He's not the most thoughtful guy, he buys Marge a bowling ball for her birthday. And uh and she is not real happy about it. She's like, that's what you wanted. So don't be Homer. Um we don't get to choose what another person is, what our spouse is or or our boyfriend, girlfriend. We don't get to choose what their love language is. They do. Um once you determine it, there's that great book out there. I'm gonna be talking about it just for a second here, um, five love languages. But once you have determined what it is, try to get better at delivering that, even if it's not natural for you. Those are real quick words of affirmation. These are these are love languages, so figure out what it is, expressing affection through spoken words or praise. And try being specific. Um, dear, did you do something different with your hair today? But be prepared. Your wife may have a heart attack that you notice that. Um, words of affirmation, acts of service. This is doing helpful things for your wife if you're if you're or your husband, if you're trying to figure out where to start that chore you hate doing the most, and that you typically somehow have it last on the list, so she'll end up doing it. Start there.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Dishes for me. That's what she's cleaning.

SPEAKER_02 18:13

Uh uh the third one is receiving gifts. Just sometimes people, the way you communicate uh love to them, the way they feel love the most is by giving them uh tangible gifts. There's quality time. This is giving someone your undivided attention, uh, making them feel valuable. Now brace yourself. There's a step you may have to take here. Is everyone ready? You may have to turn off your phone.

unknown 18:39

What?

SPEAKER_02 18:40

Yeah, I said it. Turn the thing off. Get out there on a date, on a walk, stop looking at your text. Absolutely. And and and then the final one is physical touch. Um, sometimes it's just hugs for somebody, communicating love through appropriate physical closeness and affection, hugs, holding hands. Uh little piece of advice. Husbands, don't just do this when you have uh more in mind. Um just if you're just listening, you miss the airport. That's why you gotta check out the video now. More in mind. But but really, um, just because if you know that your wife just uh loves getting a hug or holding hands, and you're not that doesn't come naturally to you, so what? Do it anyway because you're loving her and her language. That's good.

Pray Together For Unity

SPEAKER_05 19:28

That's good. Um the other one I have on my list is uh pray praying together.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:37

Um why is that so hard sometimes? It's just life just gets busy sometimes. Just everything can just hit you all at once. Um medical something. Um just life can get so crazy. Um and I just we have this uh Doug gifted me this little statue that I have set on our uh table in our room, and it's just uh uh two couples praying on their knees, and it's just a good reminder for us to uh to remind us to pray together. And I love that. That's really good.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

Sarah, you asked uh why is it so hard to do sometimes? I really think I'm not a blame the devil for everything guy, but the enemy knows where the real power is, and he knows we're praying for our kids, and he knows I in there's such power if you have if you commit to praying together once a day with your wife, specific prayer, even if it's just five minutes, you will see how powerful it is. It's really hard to stay mad at somebody that you're praying with. Um it's uh disagreements kind of dissipate, but uh that is a really good one. And I'm so glad to hear you love one of my gifts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

A love language, all right. That is really good, Anna. And I because I know even uh we times where we're in bed and it's like, man, I you get that feeling even where it's just like wow, probably should pray even real quick before we go to bed, and then it I'm just being honest, like, but sleep. And I'm just like, well, and I just I you don't ignore the prompting to pray with your spouse. That's something that I know I can be better at, is I because Sarah and I know each other, praise for each other for our kids. We we know we have an active prayer life, but there is something extra when it is done together. So that's great.

SPEAKER_04 21:34

And specifically about our our parenting, a lot of times we'll pray when there's a challenge or crisis or something that's going wrong, and then we focus on praying. But when everything's uh okay, we just it's easier just to go to sleep.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

Great scripture from James pray for one another so that you may be healed. There's a supernatural um uh Holy Spirit type healing in a relationship that when you're praying. With one another, and especially when you're feeling a coldness toward each other or some anger, get down before the Lord, maybe get on your knees together, hold hands, and pray and let God do his amazing things.

Honor Differences And Giftings

SPEAKER_04 22:13

So good, so good. Um, my next one is honor each other's giftings and differences. And how um I used to think that becoming one means becoming like clones of each other, liking all the same things, doing the same things, and Brad and I are very different. And I I struggled with that. I um I ran away from it for a while because I I didn't know how to be me in this relationship. And um, and when the Lord started to, when you started to affirm who I am, rather than expecting me to be a model or a mold of somebody else, um, it freed me. It encouraged me, gave me confidence and strength to discover who God made me to be, to just to discover my giftings and to live fully in that. So within the guidelines God puts around relationships, which are good, which are helpful to strengthen your relationship, there's very unique differences. I have learned so much about the 80s and the A-team and baseball. Because of Brad. And um You're welcome. And you've discovered many crap.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

And we cover for kids that was big back then.

SPEAKER_04 23:22

But it really a lot of fun into the relationship, but it also just strengthens who each of us are in our giftings and our ministry, and it's uh it's just a beautiful way to have a partnership.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

That should be a sixth love language, is helping your spouse understand how great 80s studio should be.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

It is. We're in our home at the end.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Telling about Mr. T. That is the sixth love language. I'm so happy.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

And I'll say that it is uh I I love affirming who you are because uh you're amazing. And to see when one of my greatest joys, um, and I know this is true for you, Doug, as well, is to uh see you when you are experiencing and living in some of the gifts God has given you. Uh whether that's the writing you do, artistic stuff, um, I guess even crocheting. Um, save it for after the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 24:17

All right, the other quotes now. All right.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

So I will wrap us up here with uh my second one that I would say, and that is to be steadfast in love. Um when you look at uh 1 Corinthians 13, 7, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. And you notice that just that repeated all things over and over again, I that love assumes the best. Love is assuming the best. It never loses hope. It is steadfast. Wait, what if they've hurt me in the past? Do I still assume the best? Well, I I think that's what it's going with the things. And you know, we always point out when we're talking about something like this that there are lines that are crossed, and we're not talking about those when it comes to abuse things and some of those bigger issues. But in most marriages, as far as that, all things, that even the wrongs that keep no record of wrongs, all these things.

SPEAKER_02 25:23

See, that sounds like it should be in the Bible. Love keeps no record of wrongs.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

I want to read all of 1 Corinthians 13, the beginning verse 13. I'll do that. I'll do that. But the the fact is, it's how Jesus loves me. So I need to love others the same. I don't get a pass because I don't want Jesus to give me to pass over me in something and be like, oh, that nope, I'm not forgiving that one. And so I need to be able to be steadfast. His love is showed unconditionally to me, and his love for you, sir, needs to be shown unconditionally through me. Uh his love needs to come through unconditionally to you, through me. Uh, 1 Corinthians 13, 8, the very next verse, love never fails. That can seem pretty daunting sometimes. It's like, well, I know my love is gonna fail, but that old saying, if you aim at nothing, you'll hit nothing, aim for that love never failing. And if you read the first few verses of 1 Corinthians 13, the steps are there. It's not an all-at-on thing. The more you practice these, even some of the things we've talked about today, these steps towards a bulletproof romance, the more you will approach that love never failing mark. So that was the the the other one that I had.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

Yeah, steadfast. That is such a great word. It means no matter what, it doesn't move. Yeah, no matter what. And in I have read that Love Never Fails before and been like, but I do love Anna and I have failed. And I think we're talking about there are going to be failures in relationships uh probably every day. But I think that means just from a um for a forever perspective, that love ultimately real love isn't going to fail.

SPEAKER_05 27:07

And forgives.

SPEAKER_02 27:09

And forgives. I've you have a lot of a lot of experience with that.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

You're welcome to both of you for we're giving many opportunities. Can we thank our wives for the day? Come on out there. Come on. That was their brat and this went fast today. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 27:29

Are you gonna pray for our couples that are listening?

Closing Prayer And Send-Off

SPEAKER_00 27:32

And those those who uh may end up coupling. Heavenly Father, I just uh thank you for this time together. Thank you for uh the wisdom and joy uh that Anna and Sarah have brought to this conversation today as well. Um we pray for all of those who are listening, Lord, that they would be able to take these things and see how do I implement that in my relationship? How do I, especially in these marriages, Lord, where maybe there's been hurt, maybe there's been a rough time, but where they can say, I can start taking those steps. Lord, I pray that they even see one of these that they could latch on to and put into practice today and keep going from there, Lord. I pray for our marriages here, Lord, that you would continue to help each of us as we seek to honor you in our marriages to get better and better at that. That uh we would love each other better and reflect the love of you to each other and to the world around us through our marriages, Lord. And we just give all this to you and pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

Brad's about to say something when he says it.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Say go mad. Thank you, everyone. We love having you with us. And until next time, go mad.