Leading with Care: The Everyday Actions That Build Team Belonging

This is part 3 of a 4-part conversation on the work leaders need to do to incorporate belonging in the workplace with author and research Dr. Beth Kaplan. Each episode explores a different theme—clarity, self-awareness, team dynamics, and workplace culture.

Belonging doesn’t happen by accident—it’s built through consistent, intentional leadership. In this episode, we explore what care really looks like from a team perspective, how one-on-ones can foster trust, and the key leadership habits that make people feel seen, valued, and supported.

🎙️ Featuring expert commentary from belonging researcher Dr. Beth Kaplan.

Key takeaways:

• Why care is the #1 value employees want
• How to lead more meaningful one-on-ones
• The power of candor, advocacy, and consistency
• How to show up with both humanity and structure

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Transcript

Russel Lolacher: So I'm a new leader. I don't have the relationships, I do not have the reputation. I do not have the network. I do not, I'm still trying to figure out my job. So in the organization, how do I approach others to provide that sense of belonging for my own team when they're just going, I don't even know if I can trust this guy. Like, how, how do you start that process?

Dr. Beth Kaplan: Oh, my go-to move is always playing the new card hands down. I mean, I could be somewhere for three years. I'm like, I'm new. Nice to meet you, I'm Beth. Because in all honesty, it buys you a lot of leniency around people thinking, okay, she doesn't know and she's not coming in with preconceived notions.

So what I would do is I may say, you know, Russel, I'm new to this organization as the leader. Obviously you've worked with me for years. What's the reputation of my organization? Do people like working with us? What could we do better? How would you like to see the partnership? And is it okay with you if I also share some feedback around how the team sees this going as well?

So guess what? Beginner mindset not only works for experienced leaders, but it's wonderful for actual new leaders. And here's the thing, new leaders really get excited about this. In fact, sometimes they can come in like a bull in a China shop. That is probably the hardest part for new leaders, is not coming in and trying to change the world.

So as a new leader, if you're wanting to secure this, the positive vibes that you got going, you want to observe a little more. You want to ask certain questions to the employees that you've inherited, right? You may wanna say, what did you like about our last leader? What didn't you like? What can I what, what makes you excited about your job and maybe what's not going as well?

And then you really want to do something that's incredibly important. You want to reinforce that you've listened, you've learned, and that you're taking the changes that they need to see. That's the key difference, right? It's not always about your mission as a new leader. In fact, it's rarely about your mission.

You need to meet people where they're at and make sure that you're getting the best from them by doing what's what they need. Then little by little, that's when the team comes together. And it feels like you're all working together on the same page.

Russel Lolacher: We're talking a lot about connection. We're talking a lot about, you know, with our teams, which always brings me back to the, one of the foundational things any great leader should have, which is communication skills. How does communication show up? Tone, frequency, when we are trying to get this sense of belonging, communication has to be so important, but we also have to be intentional about it.

What do you, how, how do we approach communication?

Dr. Beth Kaplan: Well there, there's a few different ways, so I'll, I'll stick with the leader track for a second. One of the easiest ways that you can maintain communication is by having regular one-on-ones. And I know you're all thinking out there, of course I do that. But are your one-on-ones led by you? Are they led by the employee?

Russel Lolacher: Yeah.

Dr. Beth Kaplan: So for me, one of the things I do when I take on anyone is I like to tell them that the agenda is theirs. But just to save me like 10 minutes at the end, maybe for anything I may wanna blurt out because it is within our nature as leaders to do the complete opposite. It's within our nature to be like, okay, Russel, I've got 15 things I need to review with you within this five minutes that we got. Ready? Go. And this is the thing, people want your time and they want your attention. And sometimes they're nervous to approach you because they think they're bothering you. So what you wanna do is you wanna make that time your own. And then if you need more time, schedule it with them separately. At the same time, within those one-on-ones, there needs to be a safe space.

There needs to be time for professional growth and development and safety. Okay? So that may look different for every single person, but it's making sure that you're giving the time. There are certain things that you'll notice with your employees if they're literally keeping it to a strict agenda and it's a punch list.

That's a red flag. It's a red flag because you wanna make sure that it's not singularly focused on the work, and that's really hard to do. So for me, I'll, I'll get real with you. I've done this many, many times where I use plenty of avoidance tactics, and by the way, they've gotten me promoted. I hate to say it, but it's one of those things where my boss... super busy.

So what I'll do is I'll get out of one-on-ones. You're so busy, I don't need you this week. I'm gonna give you back the time. And then what happens? She's like, Ugh, you really get me. I have to tell you, there was a conversation that I had where I, I was honest. I said, listen, I am asking you to keep me accountable because I'm just gonna keep canceling because I'm either nervous to talk to you because of my communication or yours, and I'm gonna quit on the, on the one-on-ones because I know it makes you happy.

And I will tell you, ever since I said that out loud, it's been amazing because I was terrified to say it.

And that leader keeps me accountable now, does not let me get out of it, and always starts the conversation with how are you doing? What's new in your life? And it's made all the difference in the world because that conversation was a punch list before.

Russel Lolacher: I love that story, but it also breaks my heart quite a bit. And you've literally just taught your leader how to lead.

Dr. Beth Kaplan: A little bit. But you know what? I will tell you it's the best thing I did in my relationship with the leader because they've told me time and time again how uncoachable they felt. So maybe I could have led with that one in the story. But at the same time, leaders are not born, they're made. So while it may feel funny that I actually was teaching the leader on how to lead.

That's okay. I'm willing to bet most of my leaders, as most of your leaders were promoted because they were good at their job, doesn't mean they were good leaders. And I never had leadership development until I was a leader for more than 15 years. I'm willing to bet that generations before me never received leadership training.

So anyone out there learning and leadership is bi-directional, do not feel bad. If you're giving your leaders that type of feedback, because they are not telepaths, most of them, and they're not gonna get inside your head and assuming that they know how to lead you, could be a fail.

Russel Lolacher: Yeah, and it's, it's one of the things I have a challenge with sometimes in conversations about this because, Hmm, what is our expectation of leadership? Well, most of them aren't leaders, to be completely blunt by the definition of leadership. They're not leaders because they're too busy to be leaders. And that's another problem because their boss, to your point, all leaders are employees. Their leader is not being a leader. We're just perpetuating this leadership brokenness across organizations. So I, I totally get that from we need to help our leaders be better leaders. But so do leaders need to help leaders be leaders?

And it's sort of, we're in this middle of push and pull, just is more frustrating. Even though there are bright lights and there's certainly opportunities. It just, it, it, it gets frustrating that we have to junior staff who have no leadership development have to teach their own leaders how to develop.

Dr. Beth Kaplan: You know? Yes. And another way to look at it though is that we help each other grow through this process. I have in the past, where I've gone wrong, is I always think all of my leaders have to be so much better than me. It's so important that they know more than me, that they understand more than me.

Here's the thing, that's not always the truth, and it's very rarely the truth. You need each other to be successful. By definition, to your point, leaders need followers and there are followers, and then they're just employees. Would you, the, the question I ask most people is, would you follow your leader to the next job? And if you're a leader out there, that's maybe one that you wanna take to heart.