Dave Pelzer

The long overdue completion to the Winter mini series. It has been a long Winter and even busier Summer. Here's to survivor's of trauma and resiliency.

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You are listening to Hills and valleys the podcast, your local wellness navigation station. Welcome to today's episode today, we will be talking to a person that is very near and dear to my heart. Dave PSER. I still remember the very first time I ever came across Dave's story and it deeply touched my soul. I was in my undergraduate degree at St. Thomas university, when a classmate introduced me to Dave's most well known book, a child called it. The name in itself is profound and intriguing after reading just one chapter, I was quickly captivated by his story. at age 12, Dave was rescued and placed in a series of foster homes until he enlisted in the us air force at age 18. Dave's moving an inspiring outlook on life is one to be celebrated. Despite the severity in life threatening abuse, he faced as a child. Dave has found beauty and hope in life and has equipped himself with life changing opportunities, both for himself and for others. As an individual who represents overcoming adversity, Dave has dedicated his life helping others to help themselves as a former air force combat air crew member. Dave's job entailed mid-air refueling of the once, highly secretive, S R 71 Blackbird and the F one seven stealth fighter. While on active duty, Dave was selected as California volunteer of the year. Unbeknownst to the general public from 2006, until 2010, while at extreme risk plus using his own time and expense. Dave spent time visiting the troops in the middle east and Southwest Asia, providing counseling and comedic presentations to embedded troops dave has received personal commendations from four us presidents. He was honored as one of the 10 outstanding young Americans. And later was the only American to be honored as the outstanding young person of the world. Dave is also the recipient of the national Jefferson award, which is considered the puer prize for public service. Other recipients include Sandra Day. O'Connor Oprah Winfrey, Robert DeNiro and Colin Powell. Dave is the author of eight inspirational books. His books have been on the best sellers list for well over 13 years combined a child called it alone has been on the New York times best sellers list for well over six years. Dave is the first author to have four number one international bestsellers, and to have four books simultaneously on the New York times bestsellers list, When not on the road, speaking, performing radio presentations or offering counseling services. Dave serves his community as a volunteer fire captain. Dave's unique and intriguing outlook on life. Coupled with his Robin Williams, like wit and sense of humor, entertain and encourage all of us to deeply commit to overcome any challenge. please help me in welcoming an individual who believes that our only limitation is ourselves. Dave PSER. We have Dave Pelzer with us today, which is very exciting. Okay. Well, before I begin, I really just want to take a moment cause you and I already had a nice time to talk and I love to do that. I want to thank you and everybody for taking time from their schedule, the listened to the program. And I do hope you get something out of it. What I like about life is you think life is about one thing and whether it's you plan and God laughs you know, life just kind of happens. And I think, with the pandemic and. you can deny it. You can hope it goes away, but then sooner or later, we have to come to the acceptance that we have to do something. So when bad things happen to people, it's, it is unfair whether it's a medical situation, because as a fire captain, you see great people on their worst days and we have to kind of deal with these things. So my thoughts and prayers with everybody, because the pandemic in itself, everybody's affected by it, whether they caught the virus, whether they had to go to the hospital or, someone that had the virus or someone that passed away or how we live life differently. And my country, nine 11 happened. And then when we finally accepted, okay, the fit has hit the. You know, we're going to have to do something about this, but in a matter of less than a week or so, okay. Airports were opened up, let's go shopping. Yeah. We've got this with SARS and N when H one, the CDC and HWL, they did what they, their job. And they did a great job and bam, we had that locked up. But now I think we have to, be wise enough and accept the fact that we have to do things differently. And with that whether it's the mental health community or our teachers, or the people that take care of our garbage or the people that drive the trucks for our fuel and food, we all have to work together. So what I'm trying to say is thank you all for taking time to have me. I'm busy like you folks are, but it's really an honor. And to talk about myself a little bit, I just recently moved from Northern California back to the Russian river. Whereas a child, many people know from the books was a dream of mine and always wanted to live at the river. And I'm doing that. And I'm semi, slowing down a little bit, but I'm gonna actually Jenny things up, we just finished a book nine. I was telling you that, right after this, I have to talk to my agents and then we have to go to the contracts and talk to the publisher, dah, dah, dah, which is really exciting stuff. But what I like about my life is I do make things exciting. Whether it's a cup of coffee or I'll have a glass of wine, or I walk around and pray, and this meditate a little bit, and the fact that I get at my age and stage in my life, I still get to do things. I mean, until recently I was a fire camp. After flying for the air force after writing books, after traveling the world and doing comedy or counseling, radio shows and doing a lot of work, I became a fire captain. I have a line in my life. It's I tell young people live a great adventure to tell a good story. and I'm kind of slowly getting into this, is I believe in my heart that my higher power has blessed me more than anybody I know. And I'm sure. I studied history and psychology. I read books on Walt Disney, Chuck Yeager, Orson Welles, Robin Williams. And then I read books about Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma terrorists. I read, union bombers. I want him to see what makes people great. What makes people ill in a sense? And I've never known anyone to have this, the blessings I have in Not about successes in publishing or an accolade blessings to me is when you have nothing. And then you're given something, you appreciate all the more, which kind of goes back to COVID. I mean, there will come a time when they'll say, you know, we think we've got this. Okay. Take off your mask. We don't have to do 40,000 booster shots a day now. And we're appreciated. I mean, and I remember a few months ago they said, okay, no more masks. And it was so beautiful to see people smile. I mean, you just, he was so happy and everybody was hugging each other. Or as a fire captain, I took out my crew to lunch and we stopped and we just like were giggling like, well, my God, there's kids playing there's folks golfing. There's folks holding hands. This is a great day. So when you have nothing and you're giving something to me, that is such that's to me commanded, he had his editor at its best. So I stay busy. and I'm just so happy. The older I get, I'm happy. I'm a grandfather. We talked about that. We talked about my amazing, he's still amazing. My grandson is so awesome. I love him so much. I used great. I remember my grandmother was 8,900 when I was born her first and only words were, she never said, love you or have a nice day. Everything was okay. Are you okay? Let's give her some CPR. And I think for my grandson, we already have a pattern he's two and a half and I speak in a certain way. And it just goes crazy, you know? Cause a spiritual like, no, yes, no, yes. I'm like, you can do anything you want buddy. Okay. Your parents aren't here. Let's go, go, go. So it's, it's important to do that. And, and that's the thing too. And if you're writing down notes, ladies and gentlemen, smile in the midst of madness, smile and laugh. We have a scene here in the fire department, the world. The world will always be on fire. A few miles south of me, my friends, I have a fire in Monterey county, just above big Sur. My firefighters are having an issue going up the hill because it's so muddy and so wet. And yet the strong winds will blow dry off the vegetation, start a fire and it's off and running. I think we have 400 acres. It's 40% contained, but the world's always get me on far. There's always going to be something, whether Johnny needs braces or the car needs a transmission. I ran out of kitty litter from my cats. There was a joke there. I'm sure. And I mean, it's going to be something and that's why it's so precious for us, particularly if you're in public service. And I think all of us one way or another art in public service that take time for ourselves, take care of ourselves. And somehow laugh our way through this. So basically that's me roundabout nutshell. Well, thank you for that wonderful introduction. You do have such a great sense of humor, and I can tell you that, your life has certainly been on fire at times and your books have been so profound. And the first book that I read in my social work degree was a child called it and it just touched my life so much after reading that book. So speaking of which, if we go back a little bit in time, if you could talk a little bit about what it was initially like with your mom, and what inspired that book? Well, the book was inspired, basically as a thank you letter from my teachers, I gave myself a certain amount of time it's almost like you're not seeking approval, but you're trying to say, this is how bad it was. Because a lot of people, I didn't know, knew it was a very much a closet secret at the time abuse. And, I wanted to do something nice. And basically it was a thank you letter, but then it became like a little book and then it became, you know what it was. That's why the book, the first two books were dedicated to my teachers and behind me, you can't really see, but I have an array of photos and they're, my teachers are in there as well. The answer to the first part of the question, my mom, and it's weird because I'm a psychological warrior. As I kind of alluded to a little bit ago, my mom was raised in salt lake city, Utah, and in 1930. Now, if you're under 45, you're like no big deal. So what? No, no, no. That's huge. Because back then it was men dogs. And then way below that. You know, and as part of that culture, in a sense, and she was fiercely independent, she was kind of a tomboy and that's how she was raised, and, I really believe my parents loved each other. There was no doubt. They had there the beginning of the relationship and what we call the day of wine and roses, we had just one world war two. We had the atomic bomb. People were born and raised in a depression, no water, no food outhouse. This what it was. And now, yeah, we want to just have a good time. And my parents dearly loved each other. Um, my mom had three kids, I think, in about four years. Hmm. Okay. So an early sixties, three kids in four years, alcoholism, oppressed, and abused There was a saying that hurt people will hurt people. And we didn't talk about in that day, a religion. Medical situation, finances or sex. And you sure as heck, didn't talk about the abuse. It wasn't abuse. It was discipline. My mom in the beginning, I think was very caring and very loving. I truly, truly believe that. But the thing that triggers me is I was always afraid of her. I was writing the section in, the new book about how I don't really sleep a lot. And this is kind of deep. I can only sleep if I feel safe, I actually sleep better in war zones. I slept on the ground of Iraq and I cannot sleep in someone's house. I can sleep in a motel, but I can't sleepless. Everything is settled. And I remember feeling that fear, about three and a half to four years ago. We would come home from grandmother's house after spending the day there, mom would drive home. My two other brothers would just pass out from exhaustion, but I was so wound up. I couldn't sleep. Cause that tells me, I was always afraid. It's called target child selection, which the perpetrator picks one child at random. And I just happened to be at, and I think it was discipline at first, but as things progressed as collect the movie jaws, it just goes crazy after awhile. And my mom was just very sick. I don't believe even with whether it's it's it's the psychology or we're more open as a society. I don't believe today that my mom could have gotten the help she might've needed. I would have received help at kindergar. 'cause even in kindergarten, I couldn't speak, I couldn't do phonics. I had no motor skills. I was always in the corner afraid I had to go to speech therapy class and the first grade, because my mother did not allow me to speak in her house as a form of control and punishment. So there's all these little ingredients in a sense. I don't believe my mom wanted do what she did or that this was the roadmap. But they do say when you have power and control over a human being, that is such an aphrodisiac, it is such and again, there's always something in their background too. Cause I don't think anybody wakes up and says, okay, today I'm going to murder Joe. No, there's always something that leads you down that pathway. I will say this. there's no doubt in my mind that my mother is inhabit finally rest in peace because she really. Did not have a chance. And I say this too, and this was important forgiveness. The power of forgiveness is the most humanitarian thing we can do. Not only for someone that did you wrong in a divorce, or did you wrong in business or did you wrong when you were a child violated your child? The power of forgiveness for me, lets me open up and take those chains off of me so I can live my life. What makes me mad and I'm going on a riff. But this is important is to see people who survived a tragedy and they become the walking dead, the psychological walking dead. Oh, I don't like my life. Oh, this is so horrible. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And yet we can see our friend, Joey or Michelle. How you doing? You know what? I fought cancer. I am fighting cancer. I'm gonna kick it to the. Even if it takes my life, I'm going to do the best I can. And every day I get, as a blessing, every day I get is a blessing. It's kind of like, COVID okay. We can take off our mask for one week. Woo. I mean, I'm a big James Bond fan. No one likes bond more than art. Okay. I'm just going to say, okay, thank you. And yet I knew COVID was serious when they delayed my James Bond movie six months, then another six months, then I'd met her. I can't tell you how happy I was. Was there any theater and art before the showing? And I had water and popcorn with extra flutter and a hot dog. Oh my God. Get him, James, get him, get him. It's just a stupid movie. But it's always these things that make you happy. You survive to be happy. You know? I mean, it is what it is and it kills me to see people. They're just, my mom never had a chance. I was given so many chances and I forgive her not only for herself, but I forgive her for grandson. See, I was lucky enough to have my own son and now I can teach my blessings or whatever I haven't given to my grandson at the same time, do that with happiness, cause at my age, everything's about energy and sleep. The time and energy I put into your program, the time and energy, it takes me eight hours to write one paragraph. But I want to give you a good paragraph in a sense. And I want to be at rest when I'm working my hardest, I want to be at rest. So I totally forgive my mom. And if you folks in the audience write that down, the power of forgiveness is not mainly for them. It's for you. And you deserve to be happy. When I tell people when counseling two words of advice, be happy, three words of advice. You happy now, Dave, give me 4, 3, 3, 4, be happy. Now. Dammit. There you go. This is a little bit different program. People go, oh my gosh, I wasn't expecting this. Okay. No. And I, and we talked about this too, and I think the important is to recognize and acknowledge that people do go through some pretty horrendous things. Everybody does. It's always something the world's on fire, whether you're a firefighter or you're a single mom or you've got some medical problems and that's why it's so important for us to take a step back, do as much as you can for today, this for today. And then tomorrow, you know, we'll see what happens. Absolutely. And for you, you've really taken that and. I know you like James Bond, things like that. And you might appreciate this quote. You've probably heard it is that life, doesn't happen to you. It happens for you. And that's what you do about it, right? Words. Yeah. Like Jim Carey, and I love living by that. Yeah. And that's the thing too. I'm a movie buff and there's a line from like my, I, my first golf instructor, believe it or not. What's Plenty's but he gave me my first golf lesson. And yet one of his, three lines is get busy living or get busy dying boy. And what did Churchill say when you're going through hell you just keep going. World war Z, Brad Pitt's character. Keep moving life is movement. A lot of people in my country. Okay. It's January, I'm lose 5,000 pounds and five days. Woo. I want to win Trump lotto right now, or let's get married. Let's concentrate. Let's get married. It's like, no, no, no. Stop. Baby steps, baby steps. Save a dollar a day, spending an extra five seconds with the one you love do an extra pushup, do small little things a day. So you can obtain those goals and be happy in your attempt in life. Cause there's always going to be something, Donald Trump, the president, they told him, okay, this is not, let's make a deal. The apprentice there is dynamite behind every door and as president that's a long hallway. So you have to prepare yourself for certain things, but at the same time to just take a deep breath, you as much as you can't, what is, there's a Baptist prayer, a Baptist prayer. It says, do all that you can for as long as you can. For as many as you can. And I think that is so beautiful. And again, I'm kind of surfing around the whole COVID thing, cause we're all affected by it. You know, we take it one day at a time we're seeing in my country, the latest scourge surge, and it's kind of like a bad Terminator movie. I'll be back. Well, this is the Delta, the, the arm a crown. I will not give up. I will not deal. I'll be back what we're starting to see a little down tick now. And people are starting to smile and catch their breath. It's going to be like a tsunami. I'm sure there's going to be a little bit more as time goes on per se, but you know what? Today's a good day. It is every day that we have, it's a good day. When did you begin to realize that your particular situation, was not good? And was there a specific incident that made you change? goodness. When I was about four, my mom by accident pulled my arm out of the socket. She was drunk. She was hitting me. She grabbed onto my arm. I think the stabilize herself and by accident, she just pulled it out of the socket, but then she turned away and just denial, denial, denial. And the next morning, you know, she wakes me up and says, oh my God, you don't know this, but you fill out a bed. I heard you screaming. I tried to catch you and you fill out a bed when we have to go to the hospital. And my father was a firefighter comes home and she's more dramatic about. And then at the doctor's office, it's more dramatic. Now she's going for the best actress award. There's Catherine Rover pills. Thank you very much. And I'm thinking, hold on, hang on. The doctor even said, so hang on. This is fellows, or let me get this straight. You were sleeping in the bed, you heard your son yelling and screaming and he's falling out of the bed. You jumped out of your bed, you throw on your robe, you run down the hallway, you open the door and type of right for your fingers. Now, does that say something about my father is a firefighter it's amazing. When we came home, I was in a slang, And, my father used to give us like dimes or nickels. It was just a thing. You're a good boy. Here's a dime. You're a good boy. Here's a nickel. And I remember my father was going to give me a dime and he dropped it. And yet my mother will put on a robe, run down the hallway and I slept right there. So my father, everybody knew, but for me, I think the life turning event, and this is where it kind of gets a little deep. Was it age eight? That, 90% of our psychological makeup is the first eight years in our lives. How we view the world, how we think the world views us. And that's like, okay, I'm gonna, I want to be a race car driver. I want to be a teacher. I want to be a ballerina. I want to be an astronaut. I want to do something. And at age eight, my mother premeditated a situation that eventually she burned my arm on a gas stove. And I remember the only in so much, I thought as an eight year old child, I thought her ears were popping. Or I wanted to yell so much. I wanted my mommy to wake up. My psychological mom. Who's been gone. Someone took over her body, her mind, her heart. I thought, oh my God, what am I doing? And what happened was after she burned me on the stove, she wanted me to lay down on the stove and I was so scared. My father was at work. My two brothers were at their boy scout meeting. I'm home alone with the mother. That's the name I gave her. She went from mommy to mother to another personality and what I had to do, and I was so frightened is I locked onto this kitchen clock. And it was like a few minutes to four o'clock. My brother comes home at four o'clock. So if I can buy time, if I can somehow manipulate the situation and that's what I did, I took a few hits. That's better than being burned. My brother comes home just a few minutes early and she throws me down in the basement. Cause I'm residing in the basement now. And, I remember purging for the first time I liked, I purged, I let it out. That's why, again, whether it's COVID or divorce or cancer or something, that's really bugging you. We all have a tendency to bury our problems. We put them in little boxes and it's kind of like that Indiana Jones movie, the Ark of the covenant, where's the Ark of the covenant. So it's Indiana Jones. Oh, we're the government. We're going to take care of that. Mr. Jones, don't you worry, sir. And they show these people putting the Ark away in this hanger and it has millions and billions of boxes. And that's what we do a lot, you know, I've read reports about world war II veterans in their eighties and nineties coming to terms of the horror of war and they get that sense of release. And it's almost like why didn't I do this earth? In a sense. That's why I tell people, please take care of yourself. So the first time in my life, I purge, I realize I'm not the reason why my parents fight, why they drink. I'm not the anti-Christ, you're just hammered and something beautiful happened. Maybe that's not the right word, but I remember my arm hurt so bad. I remember looking it, which was stupid because I had blisters from the Palm of my hand down to my bicep. So I figured, okay, don't do that again. Don't look that. But then I thought to myself, if I can feel my blisters and feel my pain, I'm alive, I did something to change the equation and I've got to start doing something for myself because this thing is only getting worse. And I wish you can see it because what I did in a sense, it took a lot of effort, but I raised my hand and I made a vow to myself. Yeah, I'm going to try to do anything. I can, you know, whether I got to crawl on glass or if she doesn't feed me, if I eat out of garbage cans, I'm going to do something for me. And I will never, ever quit on myself. And at age eight, that is so profound. Children are very black and white. If they're hungry, they'll find something to eat. If they're lonely, they'll play. Whether it's sort of imagination, they'll do something. It's people like you and I, oh my God, the Internet's dead. What do I do? Where's my cell phone, you know? And that's just because that's development a sense, but everything in my life. And I have to say this, whether at age eight or when I was rescued at age 12 or at age 14, they, said that I would be dead. I'm in foster care for a year and a half. And this guy, he looked like doc brown from back to the future. He's like Trump and drink a Watts. There is no way that David he's 14 and he can't walk or tie his own shoes and have used for soul tremendous. He was isolated for many years. He's not going to make it. I predict Toby died her in prison by the time he was 18. And my foster mom's here. Big time lady, Ms. and my beautiful angelic social worker, Ms. Bold, she didn't walk. She floated him, never see people are so beautiful. They just float. Okay. and ms. Gold kind of hits me in the side and I always knew, and we talk about it's called the Superman effect of the Clark Kent effect. I always knew on the inside dah, dah, dah, dah, you think I'm stupid and feeble and. I do so much, dah, dah, dah, it's on the inside that match purse. And she hit me and she says, if you can survive all that, you did no man, without any help or any training, I expect nothing but greatness from you. and that was my go-to at H a I live it to this day. Cause I'm not super hero per se. No one is, but I attempt to try to give it my best. I tell people when I teach I say, don't be number one on anything, because one you're not going to make it it's one and the gazillion trillion. And if you are number one, whether you're a Steph Curry or the sexiest girl on the planet or the Arnold Schwartzenegger this long has gone. You're only going to be on hold for a few good years. And after that, what happens, but if you can give everything your best, you will exceed and you'll be happy. And that's all I did. I just attempted to try. And it was a big stone. It was a big stone in a delay, a big foundation. And to me, it made all the difference there's still does. And Dave, you've been, so involved in different initiatives and projects and, the experiences that you've accumulated since that time have been so profound and meaningful. So, I mean, you've really turned things around for yourself, like you said, and you did that It's easy. I mean, I've been fortunate to have certain accolades that you read about whatever, but it's not me. It's just, you have to look at. The people in my life at that time, I'll never forget. I'm in the fifth grade. My parents separated. I know my mom's going to kill me. There is no doubt she is going to kill me. And it's a Friday, which means it's going to be hell week. And it's always how we can on Friday. Cause I won't be able to eat. There's no food to steal. And I love Monday. I love school because I can steal your food. Okay. So on Friday, Mr. Ziglar, the clinic, he sort of teachers puts his hand on my shoulder. Um, you're doing a good job son. You keep up the good work. I'm like, oh my God, thank you so much. The sponge, all of these people praying for me behind the scenes. I mean, the foster parents, my social workers, everybody taking their time, energy and humanity just to guide me along the people that love you. And I tell this to the young adults are not the ones who are your B F F F F F tweak toward France. No. Okay. The people that care about you says, what the hell are you doing? I'll go ahead. Get your act together. Study. Don't do this. Don't do that. Let's go. Let's you to come on. Those are the ones that cared about you. The ones that challenge you for greatness. I got to fly for the air force. Unbelievable. I didn't talk for 14 years in part because it wasn't how to talk. And I swallowed pneumonia twice in 24 hours. The death of me will probably not be all kite and hopefully not cancer, but because I have a herniated trachea and esophagus, and yet once I talk, you can't stop me. Hello or two? I had the honor of doing comedy shows in Baghdad. My best Robin women's comedy show was in Baghdad. I had 300 men and women in a bunker. I was not in the bunker singing. It's hard there. When you've got the month before the rent. Okay. I mean, wow. You know, or the fact that age 52, I got to be a firefighter and a few years after that I'm driving engines and I'm a fire captain. Woo. And I got to take my son, his wife, and sir Jasper out on an engine. I mean, wow. Again, live a great adventure to tell a good story. So there was all these people, and that's why I believe too, in the circle of prayers, protect them with the COVID situation. That's a big thing. Thank you for clarifying some of that. But it does speak to the person that you are in resiliency and that's something that we will talk a bit more about before we move into that. Do you recall. What your lowest or saddest point in life was because like, we both stay there's turmoil and there's lots of fires in life. So for you, what was that moment in time? I think for me, it's word. Um, when you were a young person, you're just reacting to life. You know, either you're not thinking or you're thinking things will settle, whatever, and then you read it. It's amazing. A few days ago I took a nap and I was maybe 44. I woke up, I'm going, oh my God, what happened to my hair? I used to have beautiful long blonde hair, like stone. Oh my God, John Denver hair. They called it. I used to Breck shampoo. Okay. My foster sisters recommended them. And when you get a little bit older, you don't have a lot of summers left and you realize how precious. Like this, and you don't want to squander it with stupid arguments. You don't want to go to bed mad. You just want to be happy. And that's why I get a little emotional and know how lucky I was. I think for me, the lowest lowest part of my life was when my parents separated. My mother, gives my father a box in the rain and then she gets back in the car and she turns over, look services, you know, you're all mine now. And that's when I knew, if not that Saturday, in a week, a month, a year, she's going to kill me. And it just because my father, even though he didn't do anything, his big thing was, one of these days I'm gonna talk to her. And one of these days I'm gonna, I'm gonna set this, right. You watch out one of these days, I'm going to one of these days you watch, like, and you're a kid you just cling on to that. You have to have something. And it just never, never happened, but, that was my thread, my hope in a sense. So when they separated, it just really destroyed me because I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. My motor skills were starting to slow down, which tells me I was dying. I was starving myself, physically, psychologically, and emotionally, spiritually. I was the walking dead. And at one point, I just remember, like, if you're going to kill me, just do it at one point. I remember I had to do certain things and if I didn't do certain things, I got slapped around. At one point I committed the ultimate crime. I looked in her eyes. I deliberately looked in my mother's eyes. Like, bring it, bring it, bring it. And she was choking me. And, what happens is a lot of people don't know this, but before you pass out, it's like your eyes feel like they're burning. It's just this weird sensation. And I thought. I'd rather just die then to be your slave. And it goes through this every single day. Again, living in the basement, sleeping under an army cot in the dark, no food. I smelled so bad. I had this, yellow skin and kids would vomit. They would vomit, you know, cause I, and it was just, and everybody knew the secret and yet it was what it was, but that was pretty low for me. And yet too, it's weird. I just finished the book and there's scenes flashback scenes about my grandmother. Cause it talks about the parent dynamic between my mom and grandmother, my mother's dynamic. And then it talks about my father and I find NAMIC in a sense. And again, he's a firefighter. He run into burning buildings to rescue kids strangers, and yet he couldn't take my hand and say, we're out of here. And it was this hard for me, really hard for me, but I forget my father was. Because whether it's cancer or COVID or divorce or abuse, there's so much collateral damage in a sense. But that was my lowest part. Thanks for sharing that. I really am looking forward to reading the new book. That's coming out by the way. Oh, and the only reason I mentioned, cause I got a stack of paper here. Okay. Here it is. You want me to just, this is the book. Look at all that stuff. I've got paperwork everywhere and I'm going, oh my God. Oh my God. Am I good? And the thing about writing is I hate writing. I really do. If I was a warden, every inmate would write their life and I just edited edit better. Better. No, Oh, run on sentence. Edited better. Dah, dah, dah. I have a, lady. She helps me with a podcast show and she wrote a perspective. And she says, why do you suck? I'm going, yeah. Looking at yours because it's so intense. But what I like about, the thing is that, to me, this, especially this book is a love story. It's a very hunting love story and I'm looking forward to it. And it's kind of like, it talks about COVID and working with Kobe and trying to be of service in the middle of all this chaos. And, you're one of the first to hear this, the name of the book is returned to the river, which I think is just, it's just beautiful. It's just beautiful. We're very happy. And that's, I keep looking at it going, oh my God, contracts so tonight I'll have you guys take the other context for me. All right. I will do the stance, not the reader. Well, I'm going back to that, part of the saddest moment. Can you tell us something about the rescue of the rescue was, uh, wow. Um, no, it's something that was so unexpected because that weekend my siblings were going to be with my uncle and my mom had told me we're going to have all this time to ourselves. And I thought, oh my gosh, she's probably going to kill me this weekend. And I show up to school in such a condition that the teachers, I was examined by this beautiful nurse. We've been doing this for a year and a half. I stripped disgusting underwear briefs, and she checks me up. Post-product me make sure I'm okay. And she'll feed me either French bread or on Fridays. And this was a Friday. She would feed me a Twinkie and I was in such dire straits. She was appalled by what she saw. And my big thing was, she's going to talk to the principal. Who's going to call my mom and things are going to turn bad. I just wanted to eat a damn. And what had happened. I was in such a condition that they called the police. And back then, there weren't any PCs, penal codes to protect kids or those trying to protect kids. So my teachers basically were putting their careers on the line. They knew about this for years and years and years. And they all stepped up and said, yeah, we'll fly reports. We'll, give you testimonies. We'll do what we gotta do. And I think it was Mr. Ziglar, who said, if we don't call the cops today, that kid's not going to show up on Monday, cause that kid's going to be dead. So let's do something. And it was about 20 years later because I was working on a thank you letter that eventually became a child called it. I was a young man in the air force. I had a beautiful little boy. I was involved in, counseling and juvenile halls, a counselor and a local juvenile hall and started to get involved and help out. And that's when Mr. Ziglar took me out to dinner. And he told me they rescued me because I showed up that day and I had no idea why they, what was the big thing? What, was the final pebble the straw? And he told me that I show up to that day in school with no skin on my arms and what happened. And it just like this gigantic flashback as Mr. Ziglar told me, I remember the Thursday afternoon, my mother had Dallas, my limits, and a mixture of ammonia and Clorox. It's an asset. And I thought she's going to put my head in the bucket. So all of us is trying to think like, okay, take a deep breath or don't breathe or something. She didn't put my head in the bucket, but I was so scared I had to do the chores on time. I certainly forgot this to rinse off the solution. And, and Mr. Ziglar said, I had these great patches and I guess I was itching or playing with them. And they were just, you know, on the ground. And it was this amazing again. Love or how much pain my teachers had for me, you know? And it was kind of a weird thing, too. We made into a positive every year. I would go back to the school after my rescue and we'd celebrate, I do some, in service training for the teachers or school assemblies for the kids, like be good, don't do drugs, you know, stuff like that. And it became like an, I take my teachers out to lunch and buy them bouquet of flowers. And what became a one day event after 20 years, especially after the book came out, it came like a five, seven day pillows or Palooza all up and down the county. And I have a photo of my teeth on the 20th anniversary of my rescue. And, and, and, and that's when I got that award, the 10 outstanding young American award that year. And I dedicate to my teachers. And of course the book was printed in the book was actually given to my teachers on the exact. Of the 20 year anniversary, which I thought was just beautiful. And that's the thing about life when things just kind of clicked together, you don't have to force it. It's like falling in love. Oh, I want to fall in love with you now. Know that's not how love works. Okay. Or, when you wake up after a good night's sleep, oh my God, you know, you just, all these little beautiful things click together. That's why I say over and over. I'm the most blessed person I know I'm lucky, but you know what a little bit too is, and I'll say this folks, if you're lucky, that's good, but you probably earned some of that luck. And you've worked hard, people have been in your life at the right times and, the connections, but ultimately what you did with that is really amazing. And so can you talk a little bit about, your abuse and itself, it was quite extensive. Did a lot of people doubt your resiliency it's weird because it's almost like as an adult or even, let's say a young adult, there's different parts of you. You're a man, you're a woman, a boy or a girl. You want to do this. You want to go to college and you have all of these different layers when you're a parent, you're a parent and you're a husband, you're a lover, you're a Samaritan. You go to church, you have all these different things that no one else can see. And I was just amazed, especially in foster care to help people like, oh my God, I ran away because my father took away my privileges for an hour. I'm like, oh wow, Crimea river, you know, I'm going, well, my thing is, I just knew if I can survive all this turmoil, the mental and physical turmoil, I can probably do something I can at least attempt the trial. And so again, you're just building that foundation. And I remember like I wanted to join the air force. And the last thing they wanted was a stuttering high school dropout. Pardon me for swearing here on the podcast show foster child. I mean, cause I thought what'd you do become a foster child. Boy, did you murder someone? Did you do drugs? Boy, what's your problem, boy, they didn't want me. And I remember I said to myself and it sounds weird. I'll be back. Cause I like when people say no, no it's only for the now not forever. And I can go under, over through boom, boom, boom. And they finally allowed me in the air force. It was kind of like the movie pap Yon. I became a swamp cook and Florida. I sucked it up two and a half years. I sucked it up. And then I started, taking college classes to the point I took college. I became a paratrooper. I came with no coordination doing all this stuff. I felt one test and I never failed it again. Okay. I mean, you just, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I get excited when I pushed myself a little bit here and there. I got excited at the small things. In a sense again, if you can survive cancer, you can survive COVID or the flu. If you can survive a bad divorce, you can survive an argument. Okay. I mean, you got to give yourself a base and you got to respect yourself. And I love what Oprah Winfrey said. She said I'm at the age that the inside matches the hot side. I'm 61. And I'm just getting there. It's like, I feel I can say or do anything. You know what? I've earned my place at the table. If it offense, like, by the way I am offensive. It's true. I important offensive. I see the words, lady. I say the word, sir, I open up doors for people. If that drives people crazy, move it along, punk, move it along. So it is that inside and outside, and it's never perfect. Humanity will never be perfect. There's a saying that the minister's daughter will always be Luke. There's a saying by Chris rock, he's so brilliant. When it comes to relationships, everybody got a gay uncle. Everybody got an alcohol problem, it's like, just keep your side of the street clean. We see that in program. When I work with people in program, alcoholics anonymous, keep your side of the street clean, and don't worry about other people. Just do what you can for today, just today, one day at a time. And that's what I try to live by. And what is your involvement like with advocacy? Now at your point in life with children who have, going through abuse, things like that in service providers? Well, I think especially when, when you're talking to Volks, whether they're children or, per se survivors of abuse, it's the same thing we're talking about right now. You got to do something for yourself. A lot of people think, okay, I'm going to drug myself. I'm going to check out or I'm going to do this, or I'm going to have people take care of me, me, me, me and me too. I'm busy. I tell people, God is busy. G D my higher power is busy. My social workers are busy. Okay. They can give you maybe 20 minutes and two months. And then they're onto the next thing. You have to start something for yourself. I know that's hard, but I look at it this way, if you can. Oh my God. If you can get out of. If you can pick your wardrobe, if you could go to the bathroom all by yourself, chances are, you can start doing things for yourself. I mean, I'm a hugger. I hug everybody. But I can only hug so much in a sense. And again, the further advocates, it doesn't matter. Because everybody looks for the three easy payments of 1995 in my country that doesn't work. Like I say, for me, you do the small things every single day. And if you think you're all alone, grow up, step out of your shoes and help other people out the best therapy I think is when you help other people out random acts of kindness. I think. And again, like I said, before that, Hey, Dave, you're doing a good job that has changed mightily. Right? It's always the little things, but you got to be constant and I'll say this too. I'm a pretty optimistic guy, but I'm human too. No one has made more mistakes in their life than I have, but at least I've attempted to try and it wasn't to get an award or the book that child called. It was a simple book. Or the fact that I got to fly for the air force or be a fire captain. It's weird. I'm not that I failed, especially as a firefighter. I, when I do train, I say, don't pull a Pelzer I've made more mistakes than anybody learn from my mistakes. So you can do better in your job in this sense. So you gotta have to own your side of the street. That's what I think You just never, what is it in the course of a life? One never knows what events may transpire and here's a line to remember. You have to have faith in yourself. You never know what the is going to bring in the next day, which I think are just beautiful little life nuggets. And I have to say this too. I've done a lot of comedy and, I got to meet president Reagan. One time he put his arm around me, he says to me, I'm like, what do you mean? I'm going to Mr. President? And he says, do my voice. I'm going, Ooh. And I used to do a great Reagan, but in front of the president was like, oh, well, Hey, I couldn't do his voice. So he says, can you do president Bush, senior? I said, yes. And he went like this. Okay. I'll do Reagan. You do Bush. I'm like, whoa. So he was doing Reagan as I'm doing Bush. I couldn't believe it. So what I try to do is take noise. And there was a lot of white noise out there. Again, dynamite behind every door. The world's on fire. I try to take noise and break it down into simple little, no. 'cause it's kind of like this program, people are thinking, oh, we're going to talk to the child, but hopefully you're going to walk out of the show going, you know what? I need to maybe look at my side of the street more. I need to be less incensed. Maybe I can be a little less judgemental. Maybe I can just do five things a day. Hello, sir. Hello. Ma'am how are you? Hi, are you hungry? Here's $5. I give out subway cards, give up subway cards. It's not a lot, but I know I can do something for someone and it makes me more fulfilled and happy, which energizes me continue on. Because again, there's going to be another fire tomorrow in a sense. And that's what I think the gift of life is. You just don't know what's going to happen, but you've got to prepare yourself for some things, but at the same time, take time to withdraw into yourself. Take care of yourself, take care of your family. And then enjoy the moment seize the day Carpen DM park and DM, whereas clinics, which says make my day fact. Why don't you tell us what your most absolute famous quote that you really resonate with, that you find the most inspirational? I want the Dave Pelzer favorite. Oh God. You know I do like the one. Having faith, you don't know what's going to come around the corner in a sense. That is, to me, that it's, and that was from the Tom Hanks movie, cast away. That was such a profound movie, and they end that movie cause he said the crossroads of life and he just takes one road. That's going to lead to that one girl and happily ever after in a sense. But I just believe in one day at a time and I believe you've got to make your own happiness. I really believe that. I was so excited to see you folks today. I stupidly put gel on my hair. That's no longer there. I brushed my teeth several times. I put on this beautiful. I was, I was like wardrobe people let's go, okay. This one with the black and the blue. I like it so much where, you know, and I thought, you know, right now we live in an age of a lot of white noise. It takes up too much time and energy. I understand everybody has a different opinion on it and that's good, but we all have to somehow find a way to get together to make a change, whether it is abuse awareness, whether it's the finding the cure for cancer or maybe the cure. I think hatred is a cancer. And starts out so small and it can spread and not only kill you, but generations of generations, of generations, a lot of people look at. For what they think they are rather than what they were. There's a mass difference. That's why, again, you got to purge, you got to rebuild yourself and you have to have a certain acceptance. Maybe I lost 12 years of my life, but those were building years. And it allowed me to appreciate the life I have today because everybody takes a hit. Everybody falls down, there's a Chinese proverb, take seven hits, fall down, seven times, get up the eighth time, and you just do it. That's a metaphor for my life. I am not perfect. I have a lot of issues obviously, and we all have something, but I just think it makes my life more full knowing where I came from. That's why it's such a joy for me to be in your presence. Well, Dave, on behalf of Hills and valleys, I want to thank you for sharing your personal Hills and valleys with us, and I wish you all the best on your new book endeavor. And thank you so much for joining today. And, let me say this, if you all can do me a favor, all of you, please keep me on your prayer list. I really do believe in that and I will keep you all on my prayer list. Now that we kind of know each other hopefully you can receive this because that's the thing there's listening and there's receiving. You can listen, but to receive something in your heart is the most important thing, but I truly want to thank you all for all your work and dedication and helping out others. That is that's the thing. So God bless you all. Thank you so much for the opportunity. Thank you, Dave, and us, and have a great rest of your day. Oh baby. You know, I will, I will find trouble behind every door. Okay. Take care. God bless Today's episode was a huge milestone for me and my career, having the opportunity to have a thoughtful and in depth conversation with one of the human beings that inspired me so deeply throughout my academic years and career in my field is concrete evidence that anything is possible. Dave lives thousand miles away. And through a simple thought, a lot of dreaming, a little effort in our technology. We were able to come together and make this dream a reality. When Dave says that our only limitation is ourselves, we really must stop and think about how simple these words sound. The interesting thing is that these words though simple. Are so very true. There is suffering in the world every minute of every hour of every day. It's unavoidable. We all have very important decisions to make throughout our life struggles. We can decide that we are going to allow our emotions to take over and decide for us, or we can hold onto those thoughts that give us hope and walk beside those thoughts until we make them our reality. Dave, you are one of a kind. Thank you. I can't say it enough. Thank you for being you. Thank you for showing us that we can embrace our own resiliency and grow through what we go through. I will be forever grateful for your time and thoughtfulness on behalf of all of us here at Hills and valleys. Thank you all for tuning in together. We can climb any mountain until next time. Your community partner. Thank you for joining us today for a weekly topic and tune in next week for another dose of wellness.