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MilSpouse House
MilSpouse House
The KEY To Helping Your Spouse Get VA Benefits
If you're married to a veteran or active duty service member, then you know that they deserve all the benefits they can get. But understanding VA benefits can be difficult - especially when it comes to your spouse. Today we share with you our TOP TIP for making sure their needs are met.
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00:00:00] Erin: To all of our listeners out there, we know the conversation is hard. We know the conversation is tough. We both have had that conversation. I have that conversation maybe every other day.
[00:00:14] Molly: This would be a great one to grab your service member or send the link to your service member and have him or her listen. This one would be a great one to share.
[00:00:25]
[00:00:26] Erin: Welcome back listeners to another episode of MilSpouse House.
[00:00:31] I'm Erin
[00:00:32] Molly: and I'm Molly.
[00:00:34] Erin: And we're happy to have you today.
[00:00:36] Molly put together a great topic for us. Do you want to go ahead and kick it off Molly?
[00:00:41] Molly: Yeah. Yeah. So this topic is why veterans are sometimes resistant to seeking medical care or treatment.
[00:00:51] And this is going to be active duty and veterans just service members both past and present as a whole. As a community. [00:01:00] Do you have any guesses as to why? I see you're shaking your head like, yep.
[00:01:06] Erin: Well, it's something I've been trying to get my husband to do for the last few weeks. He had an injury to his ankle and his foot has been hurting and I'm like, you need to go to the doctor.
[00:01:17] Like you need to go get it checked out. You can't keep operating like this and not have it looked at. And it's like, oh, but they won't do anything. You know, they'll just. I don't know, be like, it's fine.
[00:01:32] Molly: Yeah here's some of the phrases that I one have heard.
[00:01:37] And two, I looked up. So some of the phrases that kind of service members go by that, I feel like have a direct impact in this is ,"suck it up and drive on." "Keep working." "Service before self." So that one, you have to serve your country before you take care of yourself.
[00:01:55] So it's really flipping that, you got to take care of you or you can't [00:02:00] serve it's no, you have to serve first. And then you can take care of yourself, which I feel like is completely backwards. But I also understand kind of where the military is coming from. You know, obviously the country has to be protected no matter what.
[00:02:15] But also if you have service members or soldiers that are not at their best, then they're not going to be able to do their best, but that's just from a military wife. And then I didn't know that this one was military, I guess I should have known, but "bite the bullet." That's a military phrase.
[00:02:35] You just gotta bite the bullet.
[00:02:37] Erin: I've heard it a few times that I guess I really hadn't thought about it before.
[00:02:42] Molly: Yeah. And I guess it has roots in like, you have to be really tough, like just tough it out type thing. And they would actually have a veteran, like if they were a going for like a painful procedure and they didn't have any anesthetic or [00:03:00] pain medication, they would literally take like a bullet and bite it.
[00:03:06] Erin: Oh,
[00:03:07] Molly: so that's like the very old school you got to bite the bullet and just suck it up. But yeah, I mean, I feel like that plays directly into it. If these service members are told over and over and over again, just to suck it up and drive on that, that's not going to be something that they can easily shake when they are even out of the service.
[00:03:29] It's really going to be hard for them to, to not just push it off to the side and not deal with it.
[00:03:37] Erin: Right. And for those of you who are maybe new here, Molly is a veteran coach with the company that we both work for via claims insider. And so she sees this a lot where veterans when they were serving, didn't go to the doctor and now can be difficult for them to get their [00:04:00] injuries or symptoms or conditions, service connected because they don't have that trail of medical evidence to back it up and connect it to their time and service.
[00:04:11] Molly: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, there are very creative ways around that you know, different ways of creating that nexus, that service connection so that they can get that those injuries service connected years later. But yeah, it's definitely easier when it's in the medical records, but I even, I feel as the though Marines are the worst.
[00:04:32] So if I'm talking to a Marine on the phone and they say, oh yeah," I had a back injury. I had a knee injury ." I was like, I know you're going to laugh at me for asking this, but did you go to medical? And they do. They're just like, no. Oh, okay. I knew the answer before I even asked the question, but just had to and so it becomes kind of a joke that like, no, like there's no chance.
[00:04:56] And they always say, " well, I didn't go to the doctor [00:05:00] because, I knew they were just going to give me Like ibuprofen and tell me to rub some dirt on it and get back out there," or " it was right before deployment and I didn't want to get pulled off the deployment."
[00:05:12] Erin: My husband had actually, broke his foot right before deployment. So it, was kind of up in the air if he was going to go on deployment or not. And he did end up going, but I feel like sometimes active duty service members don't want to go to the doctor because there's this fear of being like med boarded or, they have to get out.
[00:05:36] And especially with mental health conditions, I feel like. That is even more intimidating.
[00:05:44] Molly: That's a whole nother ball game when it comes to the social stigma. I don't even know the word to describe it. I mean, it's the military culture surrounding PTSD and mental health. If you're a pilot, that'll ground you. If it's severe enough [00:06:00] it'll, yeah, it'll med board, you .
[00:06:01] I see a change slightly, cause I have some Vietnam vets. So seeing the Vietnam vets and talking to them versus the guys and gals that are just getting out, I can see a slight change in that culture.
[00:06:15] It really depends on the branch as well. You know, Marines are pretty much the same. I feel like air force has gotten a lot better. When I'm talking to an air force veteran, unlike the Marine, I always ask if they went to the doctor because it's just not as much of a stigma in the air force. You don't get called a hypochondriac or you're not trying to get out of things, you're taking care of yourself. So I feel like the air force is probably the best one in terms of not faulting the veteran.
[00:06:50] Erin: Yeah, absolutely. My Papaw was a Marine and he could have been service connected for a multitude of [00:07:00] things and he would not do it .All he got w ere his hearing aids free from the VA. But , there could have been so much more that he could have had done and been given if he just even thought he deserved it, I guess. I'm not sure if he thought that he deserved to be compensated. Which blows my mind because , he served his country and he served it at a time where there was great conflict. So to me, it seems silly that he wouldn't go get connected for the things that were bothering him. But to, to him, he just sucked it up. He just went on with his day life. Like that's what he was used to.
[00:07:47] Molly: Yeah. That brings up a great point because I feel like a lot of veterans don't even realize that there are certain conditions or mental health diagnoses that they have. And [00:08:00] don't even think about . It's just the knee pain that's been happening for 20 years. That's just their normal.
[00:08:07] So that's their normal pain threshold. I will not believe how many veterans I go into their blue button report, which is their VA medical records. And I'm like, you have this, this, this is this. And they're like, "oh yeah, I forgot that that started in service and this 20 years later and it's like, oh yeah, like, I guess I was suffering from that."
[00:08:24] Or, "I forgot about this injury that happened." And I was like, "well, are you still in pain?" And they're like, "Well, now that I think about it. Yeah."
[00:08:31] The military community as a whole is one of the most resilient communities that I've ever worked with. The toughest ,most resilient.
[00:08:40] And so, in terms of mental health, too, a lot of veterans don't realize, whether it be PTSD, anxiety, depression, they don't realize that it is so much service connected. Cause I'll ask questions and I can hear the light bulb go off. They're like, "oh, well, I just thought that was something that I [00:09:00] do. I didn't really think that that came out of my military experience."
[00:09:04] I was like, "yeah, I think, I think it is. I would encourage you to kind of think about it, you know, sit with it for a little bit and think, would I do this? Would I need to sit facing the door at a restaurant and have my back up against the wall if I wasn't in the military and experienced what I experienced?"
[00:09:29] It's just like little things like that. It's not even that they're ignoring it at that point. It's that they just don't realize it's just a part of them.
[00:09:38] Erin: My Mamaw always tells me, "I wish that you were working for this company when your Papaw was still alive, because it could have helped us out so much."
[00:09:48] And if you're interested, go to VA Claims Insider on our Facebook page every Wednesday at 11 central time, we go live and we have a topic that our coaches talk about for about an hour [00:10:00] and they range from all kinds of different topics and they're different every week. But every time I get off of the live I tell my husband, I'm like, "did you know you could be service-connected for this?"
[00:10:11] And he's like, "no, I had no idea. Wow." And it's just like a light bulb goes off every time. Like you said.
[00:10:18] Molly: Yeah. For sure. And if you can't make it to the actual live they're also made into youTube videos afterwards, too. So if you can't make the live, definitely check out the VA claims Insider YouTube because yeah, you're bound to learn something new.
[00:10:33] Erin: And I'll definitely drop those links in the description. There's so much information out there. And the other interesting thing is that it is evolving and it is getting better. The VA is starting to recognize even more symptoms and more conditions to be service connected.
[00:10:52] So you can always learn something new. Even if you feel like, you know the ins and outs of your VA [00:11:00] disability claim, there may be something else that you're not thinking about. Secondary conditions . Can you tell us a little bit about secondary claims Molly?
[00:11:07] Molly:
[00:11:07] Yeah, absolutely. One of the easiest ones for me to kind of explain is what we call a lifestyle impact claim. And I actually just did a live on this a couple of weeks ago. And so a lifestyle impact claim is a secondary mental health claim.
[00:11:22] So, it is exactly what it sounds like. It is the lifestyle impact of that primary condition. So, say I have a back injury and it was sustained in service and I already have a 10 or 20% even a 0%, you know, 0% is not a denial. It just means that you don't have any compensation that goes along with it, but it's still service connected.
[00:11:45] And that service connection piece is very, very important. So a 0% is not a denial. Definitely don't overlook those ones. So let's just say for this Erin, you have a back injury and I'm your coach. I would encourage you [00:12:00] to kind of in every day, just think about how your back affects your mental health.
[00:12:07] Does it prevent you from getting on the floor with your kids or your dog, or, do you have a sport that you absolutely love to do that you're no longer able to do because of your back pain? And how does that make you feel?
[00:12:19] Does that frustrate you? Does it give you anxiety thinking about, " oh man, my kids are going to ask me to get on the floor with me and I just can't because of the pain ." Frustration, insomnia. Does it prevent you from sleeping? Does it make you have thoughts that this world would be better without you. Suicidal ideations, both passive or active. Those are all signs of that secondary mental health piece.
[00:12:44] Erin: I don't think I've heard it put like that. What struck me was, " do I get anxiety when my kid asked me to get on the floor and play with them?" I never really thought about that. That is an impact on your lifestyle. That that is something that you're missing out on because of your [00:13:00] time and service. And you should be compensated for that.
[00:13:03] Molly: Or if you don't want to get out of bed in the morning, you know ? I think about the back and how much you use your back to get out of bed. If you are in so much pain from your back or discomfort, whatever you want to call it, and you don't want to get out of bed?
[00:13:19] That could cause feelings of hopelessness, depression again, anxiety, frustration, a whole slew of things. I mean, there's 31 mental health symptoms that the VA recognizes for any mental health condition, whether it be anxiety, depression, unspecified anxiety disorder there's something called SSD (somatic symptom disorder), which is chronic pain.
[00:13:39] There's just so much, and that's why I always encourage veterans, even if they think that they have a very strong understanding of their disability claims to just call in, set up a free, strategy session with us and we can look at what you're currently service connected for and yeah, we can talk about [00:14:00] those secondary mental health conditions. Those secondary conditions that you might not even know about or think about. We can coach you, we can help you go through your claims.
[00:14:09] We'll help you submit the claim. Cause that can be very daunting for a lot of people. Anything to do with the VA is not typically the most straightforward thing to do. And that's why VA Claims Insider exists is because it's a hard process. It's not easy. They don't make it easy on the veteran to get the compensation that veterans need and deserve. And that is solely why VA claims insider exists.
[00:14:37] Erin: Yeah and we also really strive to break that stigma of what you originally we're talking about, you know, suck it up buttercup, but we want you to go to the doctor. We want you to get these things checked out and it doesn't make you less of a soldier or Marine or airman or whatever. It doesn't make you any [00:15:00] less.
[00:15:00] It's just, you're hurting go to the doctor. I don't know. I guess it seems so simple for us, especially for us as spouses. I feel like a lot of spouses are probably familiar with the conversation of you should really go see a doctor for this and kind of arguing with their spouse about it. And this can be a tough conversation sometimes for our military families, but it will help you in the long run. This is helping you take care of your family and setting you up for success later on in life.
[00:15:33] Molly: Yeah. And that's perfect that you mentioned taking care of your family. Cause I was reading an article about why veterans or service members don't go to the doctor and a lot of things came up.
[00:15:44] But that was one of the huge points was if the service member admits that they have a problem, they are fearful that they won't be able to take care of those that they love accordingly. And the way to spin it, I would say when talking to [00:16:00] your service member is, if you're not taking care of yourself, then how can you take care of us?
[00:16:06] Erin: Right.
[00:16:06] Molly: And it's really turning that service before self around on them. Kind of like I talked about in the beginning, like, it should be that you need to take care of yourself first. It's that whole put your oxygen mask on if the plane's going down. The flight attendant says, "put your oxygen mask on first and then help whoever you're with, if they need help." Your children, elderly, spouse. I mean anybody, but if you don't put your oxygen mask on first, then you're not going to be able to help them. If you pass out you're not going to be able to help them. So you have to put yours on first in order in order to really be your best self.
[00:16:48] And that can go for mental health that can go for an injury. But leaving it be and just sucking it up and driving on is only gonna make it worse.[00:17:00]
[00:17:00] Erin: You could also say it's the service to your family before your self-pride. I feel like.
[00:17:08] Yeah. By making sure that you are healthy and you're doing everything you need to do to stay healthy or get help. You're putting your family first before your feelings about going to the doctor?
[00:17:24] Molly: Yeah. Yeah. It's really diving in and rearranging it for them because, if you're told service before self, suck it up and drive on bite the bullet for your years and years and years of service, that's going to be a hard thing to turn around. Cause if you're told one thing over and over and over and over again, you're going to start to believe that that is the only thing that you can do. You know? That is the way yeah.
[00:17:53] Erin: Here's the thing that ankle injury you have, from say rucking, right now may [00:18:00] not be that painful. It may not be something to where, you know, they're going to get you out of the military for it. But later on down the road, say 10, 20, 30 years from now, when you can't go to work because your ankle is hurting so bad, and it was because of something that happened in your service, but you don't have that paper trail when you were in the military and you had that injury after your, you were rucking four miles, it's going to be harder to connect it. It's not impossible to connect it, like Molly said, but it's so much easier.
[00:18:39] And that is also taking care of your family because your compensation from the VA for your condition is to help you maintain a lifestyle where you can take care of your family. Even if it means that you can't work or you have to take a day or two off unpaid PTO [00:19:00] from your job because you need to go see the doctor or something for your foot or knee or back or whatever it is. The compensation is to help you keep your life moving because you served your country and you sacrificed your physical and mental health and wellbeing to protect those that you love and the country that you care for so much.
[00:19:28] Molly: Yup. Yup. I even flip it to say if you were in the civilian sector. If you were a factory worker and you got hurt on the job, what would you do?
[00:19:41] Report it. Workman's comp.
[00:19:44] VA disability is often compared to workman's comp. It's when you get injured on the job and you need medical care, you need compensation to do that job effectively.
[00:19:59] Erin: What [00:20:00] if you went to the doctor while you were in, in the military and they had something to make it better?
[00:20:08] And so your performance becomes that much stronger because you did something about it. I know that the fitness tests are very important to my husband. He works very hard to stay physically fit and active and maxing out in those activities for his fitness tests. That is important to him. So what if he went to the doctor and they actually did something to help his ankle and then his scores got better and then his performance got better and he became a better soldier.
[00:20:46] He's a great soldier as is, but what if even that little bit could help him boost himself in improvement by 10%, just by going to the doctor and [00:21:00] getting something for his foot or figuring out what is wrong. And that, that is also how you could explain it to your spouses. Is going to the doctor a possibility of making you a better service member?
[00:21:18] Molly: Yeah. And you still have to put the work in, you know, they're probably not going to have a quick fix. They're going to probably say you have to rest it, which you're going to have to do and listen. Physical therapy. It's not going to be fun. It's not going to be easy, but it's important for your recovery.
[00:21:35] And, this was another huge thing in these articles was, well, what if I go to the doctor and my problem is invalidated or minimized and they do tell me that nothing's wrong with me. Go back to service. And then I look like a faker.
[00:21:53] I'm sure that there are probably some service members that just want a break. But majority of them [00:22:00] are hurt and they do need help. So you know, trying to validate the problem and that they are in pain and then there might be something that the doctor can do to help.
[00:22:11] But you, if you, if you just assume that they're not going to believe you and don't go. Then you kind of just sitting there on it.
[00:22:21] Erin: And I do want to say that, I know a few soldiers who have gone to mental health who are still in the army. It doesn't mean you're automatically going to be kicked out. And I don't know if the Navy has this Molly, but I know that army has chaplains that you can go talk to as well.
[00:22:38] Instead of going to the actual hospital of behavioral health, like you could also go to your chaplain and talk to them privately, and it's not on your record.
[00:22:48] Also, military one source, I know I talk about it, but it is such a great resource for us, military families. They have nonmedical counseling as well. What if it could get better? [00:23:00]
[00:23:00] Molly: Yeah. Cause I also, I know some veterans that were like, yeah, my angry outbursts and like I had such a successful career, but I lost my marriage because of my mental health. And it's like, so you chose your career over those that you loved because you were too stubborn to go get it checked in fear that you lose your career?
[00:23:28] Like what, they're stuck in the stigma and the fear of what if, what if, what if, but it's like, but what if it could just make it better?
[00:23:38] Erin: So my husband's vehicle for work, when something is wrong with it, what do they do?
[00:23:44] They take it to the mechanics. They don't try to fix it themselves. They don't try to keep driving. They take it to the mechanic.
[00:23:52] Molly: When that check engine light comes on, that's your warning that something is wrong. Could be [00:24:00] pain, could be an angry outburst could be, that passing thought that with this world be better without me, you know, that is your personal check engine light.
[00:24:14] Go get yourself checked by a professional because that's exactly what you would do with your car. No, I, I love that.
[00:24:22] Erin: Yeah. We say all this with love to
[00:24:25] Molly: yes.
[00:24:25] Erin: To all of you and to say we understand we get it.
[00:24:31] Molly: Yep. We're right there . With you. We're here to back you up.
[00:24:34] We're here to make you laugh. We're here to make your car ride less boring. We're here with you. If you have a topic that you want us to cover, drop a comment. We have an Instagram page.
[00:24:48] Erin: You can go to our website and you can contact us through there.
[00:24:52] If you're also interested in learning more about VA Claims Insider on our website, we also have to where you can sign up for [00:25:00] our emails. And I also drop a link for a free 30 minute discovery call where you can talk with one of our team members. Maybe your service member deserves more compensation that they're not receiving because they just don't know that it's something that they could be compensated for.
[00:25:22] Molly: It's free.
[00:25:24] You don't pay VA Claims Insider until we help you win your claim. It's risk-free and there is no better time to do it. It's something to look into.
[00:25:39] Erin: yeah. And don't forget to subscribe. We are changing our upload dates to Monday because that seems to be what everyone is, is wanting and looking forward to, to start their week off. So we are changing our days. So make sure you hit the subscribe or follow [00:26:00] button, so you don't miss one of our episodes.
[00:26:02] And with that being said from our house, yours, have a great day.
[00:26:07] Molly: Bye everyone.
[00:26:07] Erin: Bye.
[00:26:10]