How To Celebrate Military Spouse Appreciation Day

Military spouses are an essential part of our military's success. We provide support and stability to our service members, veterans, and our families during times that can be very challenging.

Here at MilSpouse House, we want to recognize YOU and thank you for everything you do!

So join us as we share our thoughts on Military Spouse Appreciation Day (May 6th) and our ideas on how to celebrate! 
 
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Transcript

[00:00:00] Speaker: If you are a veteran and have filed a VA disability claim and have been denied, have received a low rating, or you're unsure how to get started. Reach out to us, go to VACIFREE30.com, linked in our show notes and take advantage of a free VA claim discovery call. Learn what you've been missing so you can finally get the disability rating and compensation you deserve. 

[00:00:30] Erin: Thank you for tuning into another episode of MilSpouse House, Molly, how are you today?  

[00:00:37] Molly: I'm All right. I'm all right. Had to drop the husband off at the airport this morning. I feel like this is a perfect little intro right into the topic. Because when I was dropping him off, I realized that I hadn't dropped him off at the airport. 

[00:00:56] He's dropped me off at the airport a couple of times, but I haven't dropped [00:01:00] him off at the airport in years. And it brought back a lot of the anxiety that I had whenever he would go on trainings or deployment. And like, he will literally be back on Sunday. So not even gone for a week, like a couple of days. 

[00:01:21] And yes, it's the first time that I'm home alone with the kids by myself and it's the first time actually that I'll be alone since moving out to California. So about two years. And so, yes, there's a lot of those kind of new anxieties as well. But when I was dropping them off, like, you know, like, you know, drop them off at the airport and you get out and you hug and blah, blah, blah. 

[00:01:41] And I was immediately sent back to his last deployment, hugging goodbye at his last deployment. And I got like emotional and I was just like, "Molly, pull yourself together. He'll be here on Sunday." But then I was like, "why am I feeling like this? "And it actually took me like halfway home, like [00:02:00] 15 minutes later, I was just like, oh, like it clicked. 

[00:02:03] Like I haven't done that in a really long time. And the San Diego airport and the new Orleans airport is very similar. And even if it's going to sound weird, even smells the same because it's very close to the ocean. Uh, So you, you know how like the ocean smells like kind of like the salty But yeah, it's like smelled the same. 

[00:02:24] So like there's a lot of similarities to it. It was at the same, like, you know, time of day, he left it early morning. The sun was just coming up. So like, I kept thinking, why am I getting so emotional about him leaving? Like, it can't be this scared to be alone with the little monsters like that. It took me a while. 

[00:02:41] I was like, oh, that's why. So, and then the saying came up in my head once a military spouse, always a military spouse. Like those feelings don't just go away. And I feel like that's the hardest part about transitioning out of the military are those little things that come back and get ya get you emotional, [00:03:00] tug on your heartstrings and yes, those moments definitely made me stronger and made me who I am, but there still tough.  

[00:03:08] Erin: Yeah, we have a veteran coach on our team who I admire a lot. And I remember in one of our lives, she was talking about how for a lot of service members, even the feeling that you're going to be deployed again, or the feeling of being in combat during a conflict. 

[00:03:28] Can like be stressor events of themselves. And I feel it can be the same for military spouses that feeling of the unknown, is your spouse safe? Are they going to come back home? Those are really, really stressful times. And it's interesting that it comes back to you like that. 

[00:03:49] Molly: Yeah. Yeah. And I'm sure it'll hit me tonight too. Like around the time that he usually comes home from work you know, or putting the girls down by myself or, you know, little things, I'm sure it'll hit me again, [00:04:00] but it was just crazy . 

[00:04:01] I was not expecting that this morning, I was just dropping them off at the airport. You know, I was completely fine on the way there. But as soon as I had to get out of the car and hug him, it just like all came back.  

[00:04:13] Erin: Yeah, and we bring this up today because we want to talk about military spouse appreciation day. 

[00:04:21] It's always the Friday before mother's day, which I think is really, really special. And I, and I like that they're close together. Cause some people can make like a weekend of it, but it's on May 6th and we're bringing it up a little bit early because. 

[00:04:37] Sometimes our spouses don't even know that it's a holiday or forget, or it's just not really something that is, I think nationally, like widely celebrated, it's kind of just celebrated within our community. And so for new spouses joining this lifestyle for the first time, I just want to encourage you to [00:05:00] mention it to your spouse. I think it's okay to mention it. I think it's not a selfish thing to say, "Hey Friday is military spouse appreciation day. Do you mind making dinner or do you mind taking the kids for the evening" or you call their grandparents if say your spouse is deployed or on training, like, "Hey, friday, do you mind taking the kids?" And you get to do whatever you want for that day. 

[00:05:25] It doesn't have to be anything major or really significant. But I believe that it's a day that you, as a spouse, should reflect on everything that you've done to support your service member. And while yes, our service members are the heroes, the ones putting themselves in danger, the ones serving their country. But, we serve in a different way. And that is by supporting our service member. And we sacrifice a lot. We sacrifice our careers. Sometimes spouses have to act as single [00:06:00] parents while their service member is away. 

[00:06:03] And you do a lot for your family, and it's important for you to reflect on that and reflect on how far you've come and how you've grown and how your family has evolved and changed. And I, I just think taking a day to really recognize that can be valuable. What are your thoughts on military spouse appreciation day, Molly. 

[00:06:27] Molly: Yeah, I actually didn't know it was a thing. I mean, I know I've been out of the, out of the game for a little bit, but but yeah, I didn't know. That was an actually recognizable day. I do have an idea for any, if any service members are listening. I actually did this for my husband. I think it was our anniversary. 

[00:06:48] Yeah. It was their anniversary. And I went on Canva. So if you don't know what Canva is, it's fantastic. You'd deliver out, not sponsored, but please sponsor us. Love canvas so much, but [00:07:00] it's, you know, I make my Christmas cards on there. I make imitations on there. I make everything on canvas. Like you can pay for it, but it's free. 

[00:07:08] So that's great. But I went on there and I took a picture and at the bottom I wrote all of our like facts in terms of, okay. You know, we've done. Eight moves lived in three different states, had two children I did like our degrees between the two of us. Cause I think we have like six degrees between the two of us like educational degrees and kind of like little things, but very military things like moving and that type of stuff... deployments, trainings And then obviously like the years that we were married or years that we were together and I put like on the bottom and then I like framed and gave it to him. And so that's something, I mean, literally free. It just takes some time. But that would be something really special and the same for mother's day, too. 

[00:07:56] Erin: That would be so sweet. That's a great [00:08:00] idea. And again, it's just, it's just reflecting on your journey as well. You are on this journey with your service member, whether you are with them physically right now or not, you are on this journey together.  

[00:08:13] Maybe even go out to dinner with your fellow military spouse friends. That's something that you could do. Take a night to where you all go do an activity that you like to do, or, you know, maybe since appreciation day is on Friday, maybe Saturday you go out and do a day activity and just something to where you all feel like your recognizing your own accomplishments because supporting your service member is something to be so proud of. And it's okay to be proud of that and to celebrate yourself. Even if no one else is going to, I think you should celebrate yourself. But if you can somehow get this episode over to your spouse, your service member, your [00:09:00] family members. 

[00:09:02] Molly: I heard this podcast and I think he'd really like, here's the link or,  

[00:09:08] Erin: This one's a good one. Do you know that the official flower of the military spouse is a rose? Because it is yes. Just like we talked about how the kids flower is a dandelion. Our flower is the rose. So know.  

[00:09:25] Molly: Oh, that's awesome, 

[00:09:26] Erin: hint, hint. 

[00:09:27] Even if it is just you taking a moment out of your day to reflect on all of the spouses all over this world that are supporting their service member are holding down the fort in the household are carrying on while their service member is serving their country. You are a part of that. You are part of that community and you are part of the change that is happening all around us and the, and the good things that are happening [00:10:00] all around us. 

[00:10:01] And I do have a super fun fact. I don't know if it's fun, but it's a historical fact. Male spouses weren't considered as dependents until the 1970s. So while women make up over 90%, I think its like 91% of military spouses, there are still over currently 55,000 men that are military spouses. 

[00:10:26] And that's a good portion of our community, enough to be recognized and appreciated. But it wasn't until the 1970s that military women who are married to a man weren't given basic housing allowance and their spouse didn't receive health insurance or any benefits, unless they could prove that the male spouse was actually dependent upon the service member. So like if they didn't have an income [00:11:00] basically,  

[00:11:00] Molly: so the service member couldn't make more, had to make more than their respective spouse. Only on the female, male, not a male female sale side.  

[00:11:13] Yeah. So they fell backwards. 

[00:11:15] Erin: So the, the male spouse had to be mostly dependent on their wives income to receive any benefits while the male counterpart, the male service member declaring a woman as their wife, even if they worked, it didn't matter because back then the men were the breadwinners. 

[00:11:34] So they didn't really see that as. They didn't see it as an issue, but in the ... 

[00:11:43] Molly: So glad that changed.  

[00:11:44] Erin: Yeah, me too, because I know people who are military husbands and I can't imagine our community without them. 

[00:11:53] And so in 1973, Lt [00:12:00] Sharon Frontiero the United States Air Force went before the Supreme court with the help of then lawyer and now the late Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg,  

[00:12:11] who was representing the ACLU, went before the Supreme court and fought for their rights for her and her husband to receive basic housing allowance and for her husband to receive health benefits and they won 8-1. 

[00:12:26] And so now, yeah, and now military husbands are given the right to receive the same benefits that we do. And it's just so fascinating to me how I don't, I don't think a lot of people realize how important the benefits are to military spouses. And I was explaining this to my team earlier, you know, 49% of military spouses are employed so less than half and not everybody wants to work or needs to work. 

[00:12:56] And that's totally fine. You know, being at home with the kids is [00:13:00] so important. A lot of people do want to work and have their own careers, but they sacrifice that because they move every two years or they do have to be home with the kids. And they don't have childcare because I mean, finding childcare every two years is, is so difficult. I wouldn't trust anyone. 

[00:13:22] How do you find someone that you trust. And even the health insurance, I did not have dental insurance until I married my husband and boy did, I need it turns out.  

[00:13:35] But, just thinking that a group of our community wouldn't be allowed to have those benefits is just crazy to me because I know how much it helps my family.  

[00:13:47] Yeah.  
 

[00:13:49] Molly: Yeah. So glad that they fought and won 8-1. 

[00:13:53] Erin: I know there was that one, whatever. [00:14:00]  

[00:14:00] Molly: There's always that one. Uh, What I wanted to ask you something, do you have the military spouse coin? 

[00:14:07] Erin: I don't.  

[00:14:08] Molly: That would be a good gift for military spouse appreciation. So my husband got it for me. Early on in his military career. And I don't know if this is branch wide. But in the Navy, if you're out at like a bar or something, I can't remember what they call it. It's something with the coin. 

[00:14:27] But if you pretty much, if you like run into another spouse and you like show your coin, if they don't have a coin, then they buy you a drink. 

[00:14:36] Erin: Oh, that's fun. 

[00:14:37] Molly: I like always have it in my, in my purse. And I'm just like, Hey, if I run into another spouse, I'm not going to make them buy me a drink, but what a good conversation, you know ice breaker, but also I just, I it's such a pretty coin that's gold. 

[00:14:52] And it has like a saying on the back of it and it has a heart on it and I just love having it in there because whenever I go in, like it's in my coin change [00:15:00] holder in the middle. And so whenever I go like dig in for a change, I always see it there and it always makes me smile, but that would be a really good gift. 

[00:15:07] I think you could probably get them online.  

[00:15:09] Erin: Yeah. So when I, I think it was when. I think he gave it to me after I came back from being quarantined in Kentucky. Cause I think it was around military spouse appreciation day. But my husband gave me a necklace I had really wanted and it was an Alex and Ani necklace with the army emblem on it. 

[00:15:32] And on the back. It had, I think it just so happened to be the date, but it was the date of when we got married, it was 2019 and I wear it all the time. I love it. And he gave it to me after like two months we had been apart and just that little bit of recognition from your spouse feels so great because. 

[00:15:56] You know, it can be hard. It definitely can be hard. And I remember when I [00:16:00] picked my husband up from his deployment, well, when he came back home because he landed in Texas first, but I picked him up in Kentucky and he was my fiance then, but I was by myself holding up a sign saying "welcome home." And I had his rank and his last name and this woman came up to me and she was like, "are you the spouse?" 

[00:16:27] And I said, "soon to be, yes." And she's like, "thank your service member, but thank you as well because of what you do for the community." And it just really touched my heart. It was the first time anybody had thanked me. And not that I expect to be thanked or anything, but to be seen was so valuable to me. 

[00:16:49] And to know that it was kind of like my introduction into the community and it really like hit it really became real for me that this was the [00:17:00] life that my husband and I were, we're on together in this journey together. And okay, so let's just be clear. I'm not saying that you should have people salute you. 

[00:17:11] If you are a spouse.  

[00:17:15] What I would  

[00:17:16] do if someone saluted me, I know, I know everyone listening has heard stories about dependents who wants to be saluted and it is true. And some do. Come on, guys. That's silly. There's no reason for that. That's so silly  

[00:17:33] Molly: It's called wearing your service member's rank,  

[00:17:38] Erin: Which they earned and they worked for, and it's their rank. 

[00:17:42] So let's be clear. Our stance on that. However it's okay to be appreciated. It's okay to have someone say they see you and they're grateful for what you do and the support that you provide for your service member. So I [00:18:00] just want you to remember that, that it's all right to take this day out of the year, to be grateful for yourself and for all you've done.  

[00:18:11] Molly: Absolutely. And yeah, I think that moment, well, I mean the first time that moment hit me, that I was like, I was going to be a military spouse, was at the graduation from bootcamp and we were engaged at that time. And it hit me like a ton of bricks that, that, that was, you know, kind of our reality. 

[00:18:32] And that was kind of our you know...  

[00:18:34] Erin: your path.  

[00:18:35] Molly: Yes. Our path. And yeah, it was a crazy 48 hours. A majority of the time spent with him was in the airport because he was being shipped off, like to his duty station or his A-school, at least and he had to be at the airport.  

[00:18:49] And so thankfully this was pre COVID. So I was able to sit with him for eight hours in the Chicago O'Hare airport while he waited for his flight. 

[00:18:59] And [00:19:00] that was the first time we had seen each other in eight weeks and we got eight hours together before we had another two to three weeks before I could fly down and see him. 

[00:19:09] So that was kind of an abrupt entrance into the military spouse life that we were headed down. But that the, you know, someone thanking you and your service member for your service one thing comes into mind. We went out to dinner in new Orleans at our now favorite restaurant, the Bombay club. And it was a pretty like high end restaurant. 

[00:19:32] We wanted to, you know, celebrate before he went off to his first deployment. And so we went to this restaurant and you know, it came highly recommended from a couple of people and, oh my gosh, their food is amazing. The atmosphere is very new Orleans Southern great food. And at the end, I mean, we obviously great service as well. 

[00:19:51] So the server really got to know us and, you know, she asked us here, I think we had two servers. Oh no, the bartender was a female anyway. [00:20:00] So the server asked us like, you know, what we were celebrating and we told them that he was deploying. I think it was like within like two days or something. And so he was like, oh, that's fantastic. 

[00:20:09] Blah, blah, blah. And then when the bill came, it was zero and they had written on the bottom, like, thank you both for your service. Best of luck in your deployment.  

[00:20:21] Erin: That's so sweet. 

[00:20:22] Molly: Of course, I was a mess, absolute mess, but that was like the first time that we've actually been really publicly like thanked. And I mean, this was a high end restaurant, so it was not like a $50 bill by any means. I mean, we really, we really were celebrating beforehand and then, you know, obviously we felt like it was fitting when he got home. We went to that same restaurant. They remembered us and, you know, and then that was kind of our tradition. 

[00:20:51] So we went the night before he left the second time. And then again, and then we went after we had my [00:21:00] daughter. And so like, we have these, maybe we'll post them. We have these like booth pictures. We sat in the same booth every time. And so it's like before the first deployment, after the first deployment, before the second deployment, after the second deployment with my daughter. 

[00:21:15] So it's kind of a cool progression, but yeah, that, that was really the first time we were publicly thanked like that. And it was, it was emotional, but it felt, it felt so good. It felt so good.  

[00:21:27] Erin: Yeah.  

[00:21:27] We've talked about this a few times, how much our friends and families who aren't a part of this lifestyle, how they don't see everything. Like they don't see the hard times or the big tears or the long goodbyes. And, and it makes me like emotional even talking about it because the love that is there in military families is so strong and you see it when you're a part of those communities. And yes, there's hard times and [00:22:00] people go through things just like any other marriage and just like any other family. 

[00:22:03] But there's a sense of pride and there's a sense of community. And. If you have a friend, like reach out to them and, and just appreciate them. Like, if they are a military spouse, just tell them that you see the hard work that they put into keeping their family going and just recognize them and say, I see you. 

[00:22:27] And I appreciate you. And I think that little bit goes such a long way with us.  

[00:22:35] Molly: Yeah, it really does. Yeah. Cause the service members, honestly, they get thanked so often, especially if they're like in public in uniform or they have any type of military, anything on, I feel like my husband always gets stopped. 

[00:22:48] Even if he's wearing like something slightly military related to, he just apparently screams military. But they get thanked all the time, but it's not often that the spouse gets thanked.  

[00:22:59] Erin: [00:23:00] Right.  
 

[00:23:00] Molly: Yeah. So definitely the it's the little things. It doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be much and it doesn't have to be, you know, from a stranger. 

[00:23:09] It can definitely, I mean, I think it's, it means even more if the people closest to the spouse that know how much they've gone through, I think that means even more than just kind of the random person off the street.  

[00:23:22] Erin: Yeah. But regardless military spouses, however you celebrate, if you choose to celebrate this day for yourself or someone you know, we appreciate you here at MilSpouse House and at VA Claims Insider, we work with veterans all the time and having their family support just helps so much. 

[00:23:46] So thank you for everything that you do for your service member and for your country, and keep strong, keep carrying on. There are gonna be those bumps in the road. There are going to be those [00:24:00] hard times. There are going to be those deployments that feel like they never end, but they do. 

[00:24:06] And you'll be okay. You'll be stronger in the end for it. We grow up quite fast as military spouses and we take on a lot.  

[00:24:17] Molly: Absolutely.  

[00:24:18] Erin: Yeah. So take that moment, recognize your growth and recognize where you are and be proud of yourself.  

[00:24:28] Molly: Couldn't agree more. Could not agree more. Yes. We see you. We hear you. 

[00:24:34] We appreciate you keep doing what you're doing. Keep supporting your service member or your veteran. Yeah, you're important. You're a very important part of the community, your family and the support system that you're in for your service member. 

[00:24:49] Erin: And with that being said from our house to yours, happy military spouse appreciation day. 

[00:24:56] Molly: Bye everyone.  

[00:24:57] Erin: Bye.. 
 

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