Celebrating Military Mothers

We dedicate this episode to all military mothers who may be listening–but especially the mothers of children serving in the U.S. Military.   

Today, Molly shares a question and answer segment with a mother who has more than one child serving in the U.S Military. She shares her initial reaction as her first child answered his call to serve, how that reaction differed from her second, and the advice she has for other mothers praying for the safety of their child every night.

We thank all of our military mothers. We hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day.

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The article referenced in today's segment:
How Military Moms Changed the History of Mother’s Day

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Transcript

00:00:00] If you are a veteran and have filed a VA disability claim and have been denied, have received a low rating, or you're unsure how to get started. Reach out to us! Go to vacifree30.com, linked in our show notes, and take advantage of a free VA claim discovery call. Learn what you've been missing so you can finally get the disability rating and compensation you deserve. 

[00:00:26] Erin: welcome back MilSpouses to another episode of MilSpouse House. 

[00:00:35] How you doing today, Molly?  

[00:00:37] Molly: I'm doing good. Doing really good. It's a beautiful Sunday here in California. My daughter has her first school performance this afternoon, so excited. It's going to be like the singing. And I think there is even dancing. She she's been singing and dancing around the house. So I think I know what song she's singing. 

[00:00:56] But I'm so excited. It's like the entire school. It goes [00:01:00] pre-K to all the way to like upper elementary. So excited.  

[00:01:04] Erin: Is there like a reason for it? Like, is there an occasion? 

[00:01:07] Molly: It's the spring fling? So it's like there one performance a year. Yeah. That's so doable. And they're going to be like on a stage and everything it's like at a performing arts center. 

[00:01:18] It's oh my gosh. I'm so excited  

[00:01:20] Erin: Does she have her outfit picked out? 

[00:01:23] Molly: Yeah. So they have like a, like one of their school shirts. And then they just have to wear like either I think it's jeans or khakis on bottom, but yeah, she wants me to do her hair all nice and pretty. We're going to put some pretend makeup on, you know, we're really gonna do it up, right. 

[00:01:40] Oh, that's so cute. I know. I'm so excited.  

[00:01:45] Erin: I'm doing well. It is Monday already here.  

[00:01:50] Molly: The Yeah, how's the future?  

[00:01:52] Erin: The future is good. The future's bright. So yeah, that, that. I don't really have any [00:02:00] new news to kind of dive into from over here. It's the same old, same old, but we are going to Jeju! Which is an island in South Korea for the 4th of July. 

[00:02:15] So we do have plans. We've been wanting to go there, but haven't been able to, because of COVID restrictions. So we're so excited to see more, beautiful parts of South Korea while we're here. So that's exciting.  

[00:02:30] Molly: How far is it?  

[00:02:31] Erin: We have to actually get on a plane, so it'll take an hour in the air and then we'll leave from Seoul and Seoul is probably by train, like an hour and 15 minutes. 

[00:02:45] yeah, I'm just really excited for it. I, I hear it's a beautiful island. We have a beautiful hotel booked and so it'll be nice. 

[00:02:53] It'll be very refreshing. Cause we've been stuck inside for a long time.  

[00:02:58] Molly: Yeah. Knock [00:03:00] on wood. It feels like the pandemic is really slowing down.  

[00:03:05] Erin: Well, I heard that in America, it's not even considered a pandemic anymore. I don't know if it's the same around the whole world, but I that's what I heard. 

[00:03:14] I don't know.  

[00:03:15] Molly: Mask mandates are dropping all over the place and my daughter can finally not be masked outside. This, yeah, starting, starting tomorrow so they can mascular. Not, not, not a required . Yeah. Mandated outside. 

[00:03:34] Erin: We're still there. But on military installations, if you're vaccinated, you don't have to wear your masks. 

[00:03:39] So that's been like so weird, like seeing what people look like. Cause there's people I interact with and I've known them for the last year and a half. You get to know the people working at the PX. Like you get to know the cashiers at the commissary, but [00:04:00] I've never seen their faces. So it's so strange to finally see what they look like and to see them smile and stuff. 

[00:04:10] So it's definitely different, but it's in such a good way.  

[00:04:17] Molly: Yeah. I think I shared the story, but one of the teachers my daughter's school, the only time they're unmasked is when they're eating lunch and he sees her at the beginning and the end of the day, like in childcare. And, and he was rounding in the classrooms or something during lunch and he saw her for the first time without her mask on. 

[00:04:37] And he, he had to tell me the next morning, he's like I saw Faye's face for the first time, the other day. And she is the cutest kid ever, but I was just like, oh my God, like, you don't know like what my kid looks like. And she's been here since September. Yeah. That's so strange. Like, it's just so mind blowing, but it [00:05:00] is sweet moment, but it was like sad at the time. 

[00:05:04] Erin: We don't realize like how much we take little things like that for granted, how like a smile from someone, you know, can change your whole day and can change even how you interact with that person.  

[00:05:19] Molly: He was like her, her little sweet voice matched her face. And I was like, I know, right? Like the curls and this sweet little high pitch voice.  

[00:05:29] Oh, it was, it was really nice too, because you could really tell like how much he loves interacting with her. And now that he knows like what she looks like, they like got even closer, you know? 

[00:05:41] And it's just really sweet to see that relationship between her and our teachers or her and her, daycare provider. It's just, it warms your heart to see other people love your children. Oh yeah. But that's actually a perfect segue because that is going to [00:06:00] be our Mother's day episode. 

[00:06:02] Cause Mother's day fast approaching. Fathers, please. Don't forget mark it on your calendar. This is your reminder. But no, we thought we talk about us being spouses a lot. But we've really do want to appreciate the mothers, the mothers who raised these military members. 

[00:06:19] That being said, I have a lot of military mothers in my life and one in particular comes to mind. And so I reached out to her and asked some questions and I would love to go through a couple of things that she said. Cause I think she has a lot of wisdom. She actually has two children in the military. 

[00:06:38] And, and her third is married into the military, like her significant other is also in the military. So she's just surrounded. And the strength of that woman. Oh my gosh. And she lives in a different state than them, so obviously it's, you know, she doesn't get to see them very often. But, yeah, I would just love to share a couple of things that she, that she shared. 

[00:06:59] So [00:07:00] I asked, what was her initial reaction when her children told her that they were joining the military and she had a really funny response actually. So she said her first military kid... so her... well, he's the middle child, but the first time that he mentioned it, he was a senior in high school and he called her at work and told her that he was meeting with a Navy recruiter. 

[00:07:24] And she said, "The hell you are! We'll talk about this." And I guess they, they talked about it for hours. And then she said, I think I cried for 10 days. So her heart was really hurting. But you know, she, she didn't want to obviously prevent him from, you know, she didn't want her words to influence him. And so, really her biggest takeaway is like, let them be who they want to be. 

[00:07:49] And serving their country is so important and the pride that they have for their country to lay it all on the line for their country is just so... it's so humbling. [00:08:00] But again, as a mother, I cannot even imagine.  

[00:08:02] But then her second military kid, he decided when he was a freshmen in college, that he was going to follow his brother into the military. 

[00:08:11] And her response to that was, of course you want to, you know, I wouldn't expect anything less. And she said she wasn't distressed about her second child going into the military. But she had kind of already figured it out and where to put her priorities in distress and knew kind of how to handle it. 

[00:08:29] Um, And she said that she needed to conserve her energy for the actual events to come. And so I thought that was an interesting way to put it, you know, she knew what was coming and they were going into the same field. So she really knew what was to come and how to support him because she'd already been through it, you know? 

[00:08:49] Yeah.  
 

[00:08:49] Erin: I feel like as, as military spouses, we conserve our energy in that way and I hadn't really thought about it in that way until you just said that, but I think [00:09:00] anybody who has any family member in the military you kind of have to do that just so you can be strong enough.  

[00:09:08] Wow.  
 

[00:09:09] Molly: Yeah, absolutely. 

[00:09:10] So that, I thought that was super cool. Just to hear her reaction between her first and her second kid, she really learned alot from the first one. And you know, one, she wasn't shocked that her youngest one had to follow in his brother's footsteps, but also that, she knew what was coming. 

[00:09:28] Uh, And then I asked her what the best parts of being a mother in the military. And she said the pride, the pride that you know, her kids have. And then she also touched on how they handle, you know, their significant others and spouses as well. How they balance it all with the stress of the military and training and everything. 

[00:09:47] She's really proud that they kind of took that on and how they interact with their significant others and their spouses. So I thought that was really sweet as well, that she kind of acknowledged the struggles [00:10:00] between, the spouse and the service member. And she's really proud that the men that she raised are able to balance it all. 

[00:10:07] She said, the challenging parts are endless. She said, this is an endless list. She said, however, I think. This one ties into her best advice. It is not to impact my kids in any way that causes them to lose focus on what they were doing. So she doesn't, again, she doesn't want her words to impact them with, you know, how stressful their jobs are and what the big, the bigger picture she said to really focus on the big picture. 

[00:10:34] Which I think that for a spouse as well is important because I was always afraid, like in deployment, I wanted to kind of put on not a front, but like make sure that he knew that I was okay here. I didn't want him like worrying. 

[00:10:50] I didn't want to pull his focus  

[00:10:53] Erin: How honest are you with your service member?  

[00:10:56] Molly: I used to watch a show called Hawaii Five-O and it was like [00:11:00] a big like military type show. And I remember one episode, and this is like, obviously it's a show and it's dramatic, but they were working with a guy in special forces and he was on a mission. 

[00:11:12] And in Hawaii, his daughter was kidnapped and they decided not to tell him because he was on a mission and I was just like, Like, oh my God. Like there's no way there's. Oh my gosh. But like that is like the most obscene absurd example, you know? But like, what do you tell them? Because, you know, you don't want to risk their life and impact them in a way that they won't be able to do the job, but also it's their right to know, but they can't do anything. 

[00:11:45] It's the. That's yeah, we could do a whole podcast on that.  

[00:11:50] But but yeah, so that was her most challenging part and I feel like that's very relatable with spouses as well. And I think we should add that to our list is how much [00:12:00] do you disclose? Cause I have heard a lot of stories, like yeah, our house flooded and I knew he was on a mission and he can't do anything anyway, so I just dealt with it. It's definitely a challenge.  

[00:12:10] One of her best memories is when the kids graduated. So their graduation ceremonies my husband actually was able to go because this is my husband's best friend. 

[00:12:22] And so he was actually able to go to his graduation and he did like, I feel like that was one of the turning points from my husband wanting to join as well. Like there, their graduation ceremonies are really, really special. And there's only a select few that can go to them. And so my husband was like so honored that he was able to go, but they also spotlight the mothers, if they don't have, you know, they don't have spouses, they really spotlight the mothers and they give awards and all that. And he said it was a really, really cool experience. So I was not shocked when she, when I read that her best memory, where'd the graduations. 

[00:12:58] Cause I hear that they are really, really [00:13:00] special.  

[00:13:00] And then, oh my gosh, her best advice. So, her best advice to give to other mothers regarding their children entering the military. And I'm going to read this word for word, because she hit the nail on the head. So I have a ton of advice, but my best advice is to actually not follow other people's advice. I know this sounds ridiculous, but don't take on anyone else's thoughts or beliefs as your own, stay in the moment with your child, but only in ways that will help them be able to focus on their job at hand, be wise in what you allow into your head, in what, what comes out of your mouth. And most of all, pray.  

[00:13:40] So I thought that was, yeah, that was so I was like, you could put that on a plaque. But I thought that was, that was perfect. Really take it in stride, keep grounded and really keep your, your service member and your child at the fore front.  

[00:13:58] Erin: Beautiful. [00:14:00] Yeah, because we talk a lot about moms in the military with, you know, young kids and their spouse is a service member, but it is so important to remember the mothers with their child going into the service because I can only imagine the worry, the concern, the pride, all the different types of emotions that you would go through and you just have to hold strong and. 

[00:14:30] Hope for the best.  

[00:14:32] Molly: Yeah. And I also asked my husband's mom, my mother-in-law the same questions and it was interesting to hear kind of the difference, but the similarities as well. The difference between my husband's best friend and him is that my husband went through college first. 

[00:14:47] And his best friend went right out of high school when he was 18. So when I asked my mother-in-law her response, when Troy told her that, he was going in the military, [00:15:00] she said, "finish college first." Cause he was a sophomore at, you know, at his college. She's like, you're this far you're halfway through, like finish up and then go. 

[00:15:09] And it was kind of hard because at that point, my husband didn't even know if it was going to be a career or not. But since he was already, in school, she really encouraged him to finish school before joining. I'm really glad she did. 

[00:15:21] Cause he is using his degrees now because he did not make it a career. And he's continuing on. I think he would have, honestly, I feel like he would have finished anyway. He probably would have finished in the military and probably saved a little bit of money. So, but we didn't know that at the time, you know, we did, you don't really know the benefits. 

[00:15:39] Especially the educational benefits. Like you hear that you can go to college for free. But you know,  

[00:15:43] Erin: what does that mean? 

[00:15:44] Molly: Exactly. Yeah. And so I don't feel like you really understand it until you're in it and you figure it out, but he was a huge component. Like some of his other buddies finishing school while they were in as well. 

[00:15:57] He's like, you have to take advantage of this, like it's free. [00:16:00] Oh yes.  

[00:16:01] My husband is always encouraging his soldiers to take advantage of being able to take classes. My husband got his associates while in the military and he's about to start some classes again.  

[00:16:15] Erin: So take advantage of that. You know, I have to ask my mother-in-law I'll update you on what she says. I know that my mother-in-law's very proud of her son being in the army, and I've seen the long goodbyes and the tears. So I know that it does impact her emotionally as well. But I do know she's very, very proud of her son, but I'll have to ask her what she thought when he signed up, because my husband signed up later in life. 

[00:16:45] And I think it was pretty impulsive from what I hear the story  

[00:16:51] Molly: Probably a shock to the system. Yeah. There's, there's always two. There's the ones that like the mothers just knew from a young age. That [00:17:00] they were bound for the military. And then there are the others that are just like, it came out of nowhere and just like smack them in the face. 

[00:17:06] Erin: Yeah. I'll have to find out from her and let you know.  

[00:17:09] But I know that Molly and I were both looking at the same article before we hopped on here. It's a Times article. We can link it in our show notes, but talking about how military moms kind of changed mother's day. And so back in world war one, when the, you know, big patriotic propaganda was happening with everyone, kind of like all the organizations and companies and like everything was very like pro military very publicly. 

[00:17:43] There was a general, let me see if I can find his name.. 

[00:17:46] Molly: The photos. I can't look at the photos on that article for too long without getting, oh my gosh.  

[00:17:54] Erin: So the article is called how military moms changed the history of mother's [00:18:00] day by Olivia B Waxman. And it's on it's a times article and so general John J Pershing said, " I wish that every officer and soldier of the American expeditionary forces would write a letter home on mother's day." And he declared that May 8th, 1918. 

[00:18:22] He continues to say, "this is a little thing for each one to do, but these letters will carry back our courage and our affection to the patriotic women whose love and prayers inspire us and cheer us on to victory. "And so like they all wrote letters back to home and it's just like really special. 

[00:18:43] Like there's, there's nothing like a mother's love. And during that time, women were really being praised for not only holding down the Fort, if there Spouse was serving and they were home taking care of kids. [00:19:00] So mothers in that regard, but also they were really praising mothers for raising strong soldiers. 

[00:19:07] And mother's day for the military is just always been a very special day. Like I know on our installation that we live near now, they have like a mother's day brunch and have a few events for all the moms.  

[00:19:22] So definitely thank your mother. 

[00:19:24] And as a military spouse, like our mothers worry too. So thank them as well. I'm sure it was a huge shock. Well, I know it was a huge shock when I told my mom I was moving to South Korea, and like her concern and all that stuff. So there's lots of strong, strong mothers out there. 

[00:19:44] Their support is so important.  

[00:19:47] Molly: Yeah. I actually asked my mom these questions as well, and she had some really good responses, but it was more geared towards she, I mean, she obviously loves Troy, but it was a little bit different because she was the, you know, [00:20:00] she was my mom. And so she was more worried about like the impact it was going to have on me and how hard it was going to be for me. 

[00:20:06] Like this whole process and her dad was in the military. I don't know how much that impacted her too. Cause I think my grandpa was out of the military by the time she was old enough to really understand, but I'm not sure how much my grandma shared about him being in the war. 

[00:20:23] And so maybe that impacted it a little bit. But she had, her answers were very different being the mother-in-law then like the mothers of these service members. So it was kind of a contrast. So maybe I'll maybe I'll record a couple of her answers and we'll put it in. I don't know a tik tok or an Instagram post or something like that, but it definitely is a, a difference in, in just her worries and where she placed them. 

[00:20:52] Erin: Yeah.  

[00:20:54] Yeah.  
 

[00:20:55] So to all of our mothers out there, Thank you happy mother's day and [00:21:00] happy mother's day to you, Molly! Do you have any plans?  

[00:21:03] Molly: Oh my gosh. So my daughter has an amazing recall in memory. She remembered last year, making me breakfast in bed. And so she's been actually asking all like for a couple of months, like once mother say, I want to make you breakfast in bed. 

[00:21:23] So I assume she's going to make me breakfast in bed. And last year I had like a newborn and funny. Not funny, but like very memorable moment is she was actually born on mother's day. All my, my oldest was born on mother's day, missed her due date by a couple of hours, but born on mother's day. So it was super, so I became a mother on mother's day. 

[00:21:46] So it was like a really special  

[00:21:48] Erin: wait was your first born, born on mother's day or your  

[00:21:51] Molly: second? 

[00:21:51] My first born was born. 

[00:21:53] Erin: Oh so your first born born on mother's day. Oh, wow.  

[00:21:57] Molly: Yeah. So I became a mother on mother's [00:22:00] day. My second one was a newborn. Yeah. So last year, my, because she just turned one last month. So I had like a fresh newborn last year on mother's day. 

[00:22:10] And that's the mother's day that my oldest remembers. Making me breakfast in bed. And I have a super sweet photo. Maybe I'll share it of that mother's day. And that was really powerful because it was my first mother's day with two. But yeah, so I, I, I know that I'm getting breakfast in bed. 

[00:22:26] Last year we went to the beach. And so if it's a nice day, we might go to the beach, might take my daughter's... her pink car, her a little jeep. We might go run it on the beach a little bit. But yeah, that's, that's really all. I just asked that I don't have to do any dishes or any laundry or do any chores and I am happy, mom.  

[00:22:49] I love that.  

[00:22:51] So, yup.  

[00:22:52] Erin: So to all the mothers out there. Whether it's your first mother's day or you've gone through too many [00:23:00] too count. Happy mother's day to you. I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day and know that we appreciate you here at MilSpouse House. 

[00:23:09] And we are inspired by all that you do. 

[00:23:13] Molly: Yes. And your strength and support that you constantly give to not only your children, but also your military members. So thank you.  

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