Be Freaking Awesome Podcast

EP189 Doing the Hard Thing (Even When It’s the Right Thing)

• Angela Belford & Sami Kinnison • Season 1 • Episode 189

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Sami returns to the podcast with an honest look at what life has been like after becoming a mom of three through an unexpected guardianship that is now on the path to adoption. She shares the emotional highs and lows of bonding with a toddler, navigating work transitions, and leading a major community project all at once.

This episode unpacks what it means to follow through on something meaningful even when it’s incredibly hard. Sami also tells a powerful story about a simple act of kindness that made a big impact during one of her toughest days.

If you've ever found yourself in a season where you’re stretched thin, trying to do what’s right while barely holding it all together, this conversation will make you feel seen.

What We Talk About

  • Parenting a third child with very little prep time
  • Balancing family, work, and leadership responsibilities
  • The return of TEDxFayetteville and the tension of timing
  • Learning to let go of old parenting rules
  • The emotional impact of being seen in a hard moment
  • Why small kindnesses matter more than we think

This episode is an invitation to slow down, reflect, and find meaning in the moments that often go unnoticed. Whether you are leading, parenting, or just trying to make it through the week, you will walk away feeling encouraged and a little less alone.

Resources and Links

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Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at podcast@bfreakingawesome.com.

SPEAKER_00:

here at be freaking awesome we believe that life is too short to be anything less than extraordinary join us as we explore what it means to live authentically grow continuously and have a blast while doing it let's get started so

SPEAKER_01:

Welcome everyone to today's episode of Be Freaking Awesome. I'm Angela Belford, one of your hosts, and I am rejoined by Sammy Kennison. After some time off, you did sneak in one episode there while you were wandering into this new season of Mom of Three Children. So Sammy, tell us a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so I recently became a mom of three children. been wanting to adopt for a really, really long time, actually. And the story is kind of long and a little bit magical, but ended up that in July, end of July, we got to bring home our sweet little girl. And she is 18 months now. We had about six weeks with her. And then the guardianship was finalized. And we are currently on the path towards being able to adopt her. So

SPEAKER_01:

That's where we're at right now.

SPEAKER_00:

From when we knew that we were going to get to be bringing her home to when we brought her home and even like settling out what work's going to look like while I'm out. What is our life going to look like? How are we managing all of the pieces and all of the things? It took a lot of logistics. And I think that my previous maternity leaves have been significantly more restful and a more sleep when the baby sleeps and take care of you and do all those things. And I feel like this has just been a lot of work. And that's not necessarily to say bad work. It has been attachment and bonding and relationships with birth family and navigating our other two children, getting a relationship with her as well. While also because I didn't necessarily have tons of prep time, it's not exactly like everything at work was ready for me to just be gone for an extended period of time. So there still was just enough work to feel like I still had to do work while I was on maternity leave but not quite enough work to actually have been like oh well it's not that big of a deal that Sammy's gone and a lot of different pieces of it so overall hard and this has been something that we have been working towards for I mean frankly years and so it's just like it's like cool now you get to have this hard as opposed to the waiting hard physically challenging and demanding

SPEAKER_01:

yeah because you had made some decisions Yeah, I am the license

SPEAKER_00:

holder for TEDx Fayetteville. I have helped put on three or four different events all prior to COVID. And we decided this year, this is the year that we're going to bring it back. And we're going to make it happen. And so in April, we actually were pretty sure that we would not get to be participating in adoption in this way. At that point in time, everything was pointing towards this path being closed. And we were like, all right, well, we can't keep our lives on hold for forever just waiting. Let's go ahead and pursue and set up TEDxFaithville. It's going to happen on October 4th of 2025. Let's start making all of those things moving. And then come end of May, beginning of June, the story started to change a little bit. And it wasn't until July 1st that it was like, yep, this is going to happen. This is what it's going to be moving forward with. And it was like, cool. I'm glad we already started this other train of TEDx Fayetteville right in the middle of all of this. So much fun. It's exactly what I, it's how I would have done it all along. Not at all. Not in the slightest. So

SPEAKER_01:

yeah. And the, even the TEDx Fayetteville is a little bit of a waiting situation, right? Because these were originally speakers chosen in 2020. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know it's waiting quite as much because a lot of our story with the adoption stuff it's like things that are out of our hands like we're waiting on other people whereas with TEDx Fayetteville it's like so Sammy when are you ready to get back in the saddle to make an event happen so other people have been waiting and other people have had things out of their control but it's very much my control which is It's frankly hard not to feel like the guilt of that and the weight of other people's waiting while trying to do what's best for us. And so even now where then it's like, well, crap, this is definitely not what's best for us. it's fine. We're going to make it work and we're going to do the best that we can with what we've got going on.

SPEAKER_01:

Back to parenting. What wisdom from parenting your first two are you using and which one are you having to throw out this time?

SPEAKER_00:

I have no idea. I don't know. Um, I'm in definitely in survival mode right now of like, I'm throwing all the entire bowl of spaghetti at the wall and I don't, I don't like whatever works, works, whatever it doesn't work, doesn't work. Um, I think a different question than this, sorry to circumnavigate your question. I saw an Instagram reel earlier this year that was commenting on parents of three kids are wild and they are willing to cancel on a moment's notice and show up on a moment's notice and they don't care if food's been on the floor and they don't care if like all of these big things that parents of two Two kids are actually just parents of one kid trying to make the rules of one kid work for two kids. And so you're really stressed. But parents of three kids, you're like, the rules don't matter. Like the rules are out the window and we're doing whatever we got to do to make this happen. And I wish I, I've tried really hard to go back and find this, this particular video because it really has stuck with me that I'm like, oh, I don't have to do two parent things anymore. I am a third, I'm a parent of three kids. You know what that means? That means that I am allowed to cancel at a moment's notice. I've got three kids. It's too much. Sorry. I'm allowed to say, hey, I thought it was going to be too much, but now I'm going to be here. Hope you don't mind me and my three kids and the chaotic tornado that that might be. So it's interesting. I don't know that I have like, here's the specific things that we are throwing out the window. It's more of just like, no, we're doing whatever we have to do. And I don't really care. Like, yeah, there are things that with my first two, we were so crazy strict on zero co-sleeping no matter what whatsoever. I'm now in a spot where I've got a kid who co-slept her entire life up until she lived with us. I'm going to transition that. I'm not necessarily, I don't have to go cold turkey. I can give her space and us space. I wouldn't have done that with our first two. We were like, it doesn't matter how loud you cry, get in your own bed. Now I'm like, we're all exhausted. And if you can continue to cry, then you're going to wake up everybody and it's going to be a worst day tomorrow. So you know what? We're going to do what we got to do. Okay. Do what you got to do. Turn that.

SPEAKER_01:

That's interesting, because I've never heard it said that when you have two children, you're just trying to make all the rules of one child fit. Because I joke all the time that Sammy is a firstborn. Chris, she's married to Chris, who's a firstborn. And they had Henry, who's a firstborn. And then there's Peter. And it's probably why Peter and I get along so well is because it just cracked. I mean, I'm a firstborn only, you know, but it makes me laugh because he just like was this fly in the little firstborn ointment that is your family. Um, and then now kind of technically Max is going to have this, she was a firstborn for 18 months and then is going to be a third child. So it's, it's fascinating to, to kind of watch their personalities unfold. If your three kids today had to describe your parenting style in one word, um, do you hate and you can you can ditch this question i made me laugh thinking about different

SPEAKER_00:

what do you think my three kids would describe my parenting style as grandma law of my three kids

SPEAKER_01:

i don't know let's we can throw it out i just like made me laugh um Anything that you would like to leave people with, Sammy, as you transition back in this messy middle season of your life? I just didn't want, your birthday was last week. I didn't want to, like people have heard bits and pieces. If you listen to Mossimo's episode, you heard a little bit about the story. But I just wanted to take our listeners along. I

SPEAKER_00:

want to share a story. And there's a couple of things. I had several moments during maternity leave that I... wanted to document the moment and document the feelings. It's less about what happened, but it was how do I feel in this exact moment? And so I probably have like three to six different videos of just me on my own describing what I am feeling in this exact moment. And not terribly sure with the purpose, like, am I going to do something with this? Am I not? But I felt like I wanted to at the time. So I did it. And I also think it's interesting because if I was to share these videos with you guys, you would see that some of them, like the first one is sad and hard. The middle one is like really hopeful and uplifting. Then there's another one that's like really sad, much sadder and much harder. And then there's another one that's kind of middle feeling that it's not, I was sad and then I was less sad and then I was middle hopeful and then I was very hopeful. It's actually very much, nope, I was up and then I was down and then I was up and then I was way down and then I was way up and then I was middle down. There's one moment that my way up moment that was right in the middle. We went to go get Max a haircut and needed to get her bangs trimmed. We're in a little bit of a time where it's like, is this, am I allowed to do this still? Like, is this, this, is this actually our child that we can go cut her hair without getting permission from anybody? Ironically, I took her to across the country on a vacation and I didn't ask that question when it came to, can I cut her bangs? Do I have permission to do this? I was curious about it. I do legally have permission to cut her bangs if that's what's needed, if that's what I determined is needed for her in this moment. And it had been a really stressful day. There had been so many different things and different people who needed something from me. And so ended up, we picked up the boys from school. We went to the haircut place. And then actually I think we picked up Henry from school. We went to the haircut place. I the manager at pigtails and crew cuts who cut max's hair did such an incredible job of seeing me and seeing my needs and doing being so kind to my children and being so kind to max and engaging with her and making it a fun experience asking what's your older son's name and i was like oh that's henry and she goes henry do you want to come over here you've gotten your haircut here before i recognize you do you want to show max where the treasure box is And like, oh my gosh, it's just started school this week. What grade are you in? First grade. Oh my gosh. Do you just sit at like a desk or do you sit at like a table? He's like, it's kind of like a desk table thing. She's like, oh, that's so cool. Do you do a lot of work on your own or is it with other people? And he's like, it's kind of with other people. And just... Having somebody see not just me, but my kids and engage with them. And then when she gave, when she cut her bangs and then she was like, do you mind if I like do her hair a little bit and like put this cute little braid in her hair? And I was like, can I watch you? Because I do know how to braid, but I don't want to braid on somebody else. And my husband doesn't want to braid. And she was like, yeah, of course watch. And then she was like, okay, now let me do it again. Now, dad, mom over here. You know, this is how you do it. You move the hair like this. And she was like, look at that. Bang, trim, haircut, tutorial, all in one. I, like... I wanted to cry. I wanted to soak it in. I felt just this like huge glowing orb of warmness in my heart and soul. And I was like, Chris kept asking me, he's like, are you okay? You're like really off. You're like staring off the distance. I'm like, I feel like I have been mesmerized by a sunset from this moment. There's just this like beauty in it. And somebody just making conversation with my kids and meeting a need that I didn't... Like, you didn't need to teach me how to braid hair. Like, and she's like, no, come here, come over here. Like, let me show you. All right. And here's going to be your tips and here's going to be this thing. And can I just show up extra for you right now? We don't know each other. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01:

I

SPEAKER_00:

don't know. And it's something where it's like, oh, so the haircut lady like talked to your kids and braided her hair. And I was just like, it was so much more than that. And I, hard to describe how deeply it impacted me. And I'm sure that there could have, the same thing could have happened on a different day when I wasn't in such a low, and it would have been like, yeah, cool, we got a haircut and we're done. But at that exact moment, I really needed... Exactly how she showed up in exactly that same way. And even Chris was like, you know, she's been that way before. She's cut Peter's hair before and that's kind of her MO. And I'm like, no, I was not here. I've never met this woman when that haircut happened. Oh, wow. It matters. It matters. And you have no idea what people are bringing in with them. You have no idea how much they have been beaten up on or not beaten up on or if this is going to be the thing that says, I can make it through this week because somebody was kind to me in this moment.

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I can make it through this week. You just never know what that moment's going to be. And so go be that for somebody with whatever capacity you have. Because we're all hurting and we all have hard things and everything sucks and everything's beautiful. And I don't know, find that beauty in that, that moment. And if you can't be that for somebody else, seek that out. Seek that like, I can't even describe this warmth. Like warmth is the I love it. I don't think that answered any question that you had, but it was a moment that I experienced that has stuck with me significantly. I left them a great Google review. I don't even like, how do I repay this? How do I repay somebody for doing their job in such a way that made me feel so touched? Pay it forward. Yeah. That's how you pay. You don't pay it back. You pay it forward. I do for one, as Sharon McMahon often says, do for one what you wish you could do for everybody. So even if you can't do it for every single person that you interact with, do it for one person. Find one person you can be there for. So I'm back from maternity leave. And here I am. And I'm excited to get jumped into this last quarter of the year. I am hopeful that, you know, new kiddos and toddlers, they are, I don't know if you knew this, but They don't sleep terribly well all the time and they kind of are demanding. And so there's just, there's a whole other human being to keep alive. We're going to do the best we can. So that's that. I'm here.

SPEAKER_01:

And we're going to put some links to TEDxFayetteville.com, right?.com.org..org. Oh,.org. TEDxFayetteville.

SPEAKER_00:

Both of them will actually get you to the same place. I can tell you that long story if you want to know. TEDxFayetteville.org. If you have... A tough season. And I will say, I'm going to add in a PS, the communication skills that I have been building over the past several years extremely served me during this period with multiple parties, with conflicting goals and big feelings and all of that. And I, without sounding too braggy, I don't know a lot about the people who would have been able to handle the types of conversations that I was handling on an everyday basis at the level that I feel like I handled. handled them I'm very proud of how that went during all of this time and so if you are in that like this is an impossible situation and I just don't even know how to make people happy or or what I'm supposed to do with that help let me help you help me help you all the things I would be delighted to have those conversations about what can you be doing now intentionally so that you have built up the skills and the tools that you need that if or when that hard moment comes that you're like I don't even know what to say how to navigate these things you actually do know what to say you don't have to feel that way again I'd be delighted to have a conversation about coaching you over those things because I have a lot of lived experience in those types of things so that's right in the show notes

SPEAKER_01:

if you would like Sammy to be your coach then check out the links in the code in the show notes and until next time we hope you all go be freaking awesome

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Angela Belford

Co-host
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Sami Kinnison

Co-host