Episode 248 | Dave Reminick from Dadjokes and Paper Mice

On this episode we have on David Reminick from Paper Mice and his new kids band DadJoke.

We talked about food, loving to cook, some of our favorite things to cook or eat, therapy, ADHD, learning to prioritize yourself, trying new things and challenging yourself, being nicer to yourself, what life lessons you teach your kids,  what you unlearn when you become a parent, his time in Paper Mice and his experience make music for kids as DadJoke, and realizing you’ve added way too many layers to a kids song.

Make sure to go to dadjokemusic.com to find the music!  DadJoke is weird music for weird kids and extremely creative, silly, and fun.

Follow us on Facebook and Instagram and TikTok YouTube. Look for new episodes of The Imperfect Dads Podcast every Monday and Thursday.

This podcast is part of the Never A Phase Network, follow them on instagram at @neveraphasenetwork and check out their podcasts like Emo Kids Anonymous  Wasting Time Podcast Certified Fangirl and The Ska Mailman

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome to the Imperfect Dads Podcast. This is your host, Devon. We believe dads care deeply about their family and kids, but they don't always have a space to discuss what their life looks like. Our podcast is a space for dads to discuss the ups and downs of fatherhood and how they feel like they're holding it together or how they're not. Thank you for joining us for this episode. This podcast is part of the Never A Face Network. Make sure to follow him on Instagram or go to the website NeverAffacenetwork.com. On this episode, we have on David Remnick from Papermice and his new kids band, Dad Joke. We talked about food, loving to cook, some of our favorite things to cook or eat, therapy, ADHD, learning to prioritize yourself, trying new things and challenging yourself, being nicer to yourself, what life lessons you teach your kids, what you unlearn when you become a parent, his time in Paper Mice, and his experience making music for kids as Dad Joke, and realizing you've added way too many layers to a kid song. Make sure to go to dad joke music.com to find the music. Uh Dad Joke is weird music for weird kids and extremely creative, silly, and fun. Just like one more thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

Dad just start the episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Oh, my bad. Uh let's start with like a easy first question. How many kids you got, ages, all that good stuff. I have one kid, a daughter named Danny, she's 11. Nice. How's it what's your life like with an 11-year-old these days?

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Very hectic, very busy, um, very um very fun. Um she's amazing and you know, brilliant and like um just so much smarter than me. And yeah, she's just she's a rag kid. But it's uh, you know, finding the balance between between working and and taking care of your kid. And my partner is is uh you know, works full time plus, is currently in San Francisco on a work trip, and so I'm solo parenting. And so it's a it's uh it's you know, finding time to do the things that I want to do is hard to balance with the things that I need to do, you know. But not gonna complain.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

No, but it is a different I I have three kids and I'm a like stay-at-home or primary parent. And like, yeah, there's a never-ending to-do list. And by the time the to-do list is done, and then I'm like, okay, what's something creative I can do or something like for myself? Usually it's like 9 or 10 p.m. And I'm like, maybe you watch a show that you want to watch.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

That's that's like the it's a very short list of what mental space I have available at to actually I you know it's funny, and this may be TMI, but I had a really interesting discussion about this exact thing with my therapist yesterday. Yeah, because I was like, you know, with with my partner out of town, I was like, I am gonna do something just for me, you know, after Danny goes to bed. And I I I've been wanting this video game. I'm not like a you know super into video games, but I I do like a couple, you know, and I usually I only play video games with Gabrielle and my partner, but there's this like new open world game that everyone's talking about, and I've been following and wanting to see how it is. And I'm like, I'm just gonna buy this game for myself and I'm just gonna like play it. And I we went to this whole like psychoanalysis of like like why, and I I realized this really important thing, which is that like like the appeal of the like open world video game is very similar to me to the appeal of like writing music, right? And that these are both these just like completely, you know, like there's no rules, there's just this completely open world where you can do anything you want and go anywhere. And like when you when your schedule all day is like so controlled, like you have to, you know, pick your kid up, take your kid there, you do do this thing, do that. I feel like what I'm craving is just like some kind of some kind of space where I can just really just do anything. And so like that that game or like um, you know, writing music, especially, like the are like are kind of self-care for me, you know. Yeah. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Maybe maybe that's TFI. No, it's not at all. That's I if I if it gets like 10 p.m., I will play video games also because it's like um I'll usually play games in which like it's single player. I don't do like online games at all, really. Because it's like a very simple task in which I get to playfully and like have fun like doing something. Like I've been playing through the Resident Evil 4 remake, and it's like, okay, here's chapters, you know it's gonna be chapters one through 18. You know what every chapter is gonna look like, and you're gonna have fun doing this, as opposed to like, all right, when I pick up my kids from school, uh, you know, whenever they get off the bus and anything like that, how do I connect with my 10-year-old who's just had a whole day of school, and that's murky. That's not a guarantee that I can know how to connect with them. I can know how to go run through a level, complete what I need to complete, and move on to the next level and have fun doing that. So just like even that simplicity of a video game is a phenomenal disconnect. So I'm very much with you of like, oh, this is actually healthy if I do this for like an hour. And like, I usually realistically, I only have like an hour or two to play a video game anyway. I'm not sitting here playing video games for like 10 hours a day. No, I'm with it's it's it's a good thing, and I also like doing it too. In those moments, though, like I usually it's funny to me to see what I give myself permission for because like it's rare for me to buy a new video game at full price. I'm usually like, well, I'll wait a couple months, wait until it gets on like some spring discount, some summer discount, and then I'll buy it. It's 30 bucks instead of 60. It's not changing my month-to-month budget that much, but for some reason, like I'm like, no, no, no, don't buy it at full price. And my wife was like, I don't really care. Like, it's not gonna make that much of a difference. Like, our budget isn't if 30 bucks runs our budget, spending that much of a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

It feels like spending like 60 or 70 on a video game is just like like I remember when I was a kid and like video game was like $20 for like Game Boy game or something like that. And like that felt absurd to me at the time. And like now, like, you know, there's like $80 games, you know? Yep. But like, you know, like I bought a few days ago, I was like, I've been really just craving like, you know, just beautiful open world games. So I bought this other game that people had been raving about because it was supposed to be the most beautiful game and everything, and I hated it. It was just like yeah, it was like there was there was no like hidden treasures or like no, you know, like the landscape was beautiful, everything was amazing. They thought of everything, except like it wasn't fun. And like, you know, all the things that you had to do just felt like you were doing the same thing over and over again. And back to my conversation with my therapist, like I realized like it wasn't the the beauty of the open world that I wanted. That's something amazing, and I care about that. But what I wanted was just like just go wherever you want, and there's something for you everywhere, and you know, all the things that you're doing are different, and it's just the novelty and the and the just the openness of it, you know. And so I spent like 50 or 60 bucks on that game, like not even a week ago. And then I was like, like, like we were we were walking the dogs right before Gabrielle left, and I was like, I need to let you know I'm going to buy that other game tonight. I'm doing it, I'm sorry. Like, like, you know, I have a very supportive partner, and you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

It's interesting though to get older, become a dad, and like hold all these responsibilities. And like, I I I mean, I need my own therapy work also, of like what I'm willing to give my myself permission for to keep like some form of identity or like onesie to me. As if my kids or my wife is out there being like, how dare you try a video game you didn't like? It's like, oh, okay, cool. Like, do you what did you not like about it? So maybe the next one isn't like that. It's probably what my wife is going to ask me. But yeah, in my head, I'm like, oh, this is extravagant. I should've I should have been using my time so much better. I should have written a song instead of trying a video game that I didn't even like. And it's like, this is part of learning, man. Like, you're fine. Like it's not that big of a deal.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

But to me, it feels like it is, you know? It does. And yeah, I mean, it's just a when you share a budget with somebody and you're making what feels like, you know, an extravagant purchase, like you're gonna be concerned about what they think about it, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Yep. Yeah. You are. My birthday is in May, so it's in like two or three weeks or so. And I really like like a milk bar, like Christina Tossi, like all of her stuff. And I was like, oh, what if I order one of her cakes as a birthday cake or something like that? I was like, yeah, absolutely, go do it. That's great. Celebrate yourself. Then we'll eat the cake together, it'll be great. And then I looked at the cost and I was like, I'm not paying 60 to 70 bucks for a cake to be shipped to me. So it's weird to find like the like the you wouldn't you want to be she does. Yeah, you can ship her. Yeah, uh-huh. She ships her cake, she ships cookies, so does Lavaine Bakery. And I'm just like, oh, I really want that. But then like for some I don't know what the price point is in my head, but 65 is too much to me to ship a cake. I don't know why, but for some reason it's too much.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

It depends on the size of the cake, but if you're getting like an eight to ten-inch cake, I feel like you're gonna be paying that anyway. And it was a six-inch cake. It was a six-inch cake. That's why. I mean the shipping, you know, because they have to they have to put that with like a cold pack, you know. They do, yeah, they do. Um can I tell you a funny story? Like maybe maybe completely uninteresting for the purposes of the podcast, but uh let's do it. Related to Christy Christ Christina Tosi, actually. Have you seen her show uh Bake Squad? I have not no. So she has this show on uh I think it's on Netflix called Bake Squad. It's it's a wonderfully fun show. And it's her and uh, I think three or four other like you know, dessert chefs. Um one of them specializes in like decorating, decorations or decorating, sorry. Uh one of them does like chocolate stuff, you know, one of them, you know, is anyway, there's like a kind of a variety of people. Yeah, yeah. And it's basically they compete against each other. It's like very informal because they're all famous already. And whoever wins gets to take on whatever the person, like someone comes in asking for something for like a wedding or a party or bar mitzvah, whatever, and you know, what and they all make a pitch and they have to win the person over, and then they get to cater the thing. Long story here. Well, this is uh uh but one of the people on that show was offering a pie making class in Chicago. Um that um, you know, I I I love to bake, I love to cook. And Gabriela was like found that that our credit card company was offering like an experience to like like you could only get tickets if you had our credit card. Yeah, yeah. And Gabrielle's like, do you want to go to this thing? And I was like, it was with um, what's her name? Maya Camille from from that show. She's she has a bakery in Chicago called uh Justice of the Pies, which I love a good pun. But I was like, Yeah, let's do it. I I'll I'll I'll do that. So I went to to to to this thing like by myself. I was it was me and one other person with only people who went there alone. But we got to like meet her and she autographed, she we got we got her cook, her, her, her cookbook, autographed it. She taught us how to make these like mini s'mores tarts, I guess, that were just ridiculously good.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Okay, so I've been like primary parent since 2019 or so, and for the entirety of our marriage, I've always done all the cooking, all the grocery shopping, all the baking and everything. And I love the opportunity to talk to another dad about that of just like, oh, hey, do you also like cooking? Because it like it's I for a while it was like, oh, am I like my wife felt like she should know how to do all that stuff, but I was like, I actually care more, and like you don't like this is something you she was doing because she felt obligated to do it, not because she wanted to do it. So it was a really fun, like uh not negotiation, but a realization or marriage of like, oh, this is something I love to do, and you're doing because you think it's helpful, but you don't care for it. So it's been really fun to like expand in that world. Like, I love discovering new spices. I will try to bake pretty much anything and just be like it's cooking is my most comfortable creative outlet because it always has a purpose. Like if I write a song and I want you to connect with it and I want you to feel an emotion about it, I can't determine that. But I know how to make a cookie that you'll like, and I'm pretty consistent with that.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

So wait, so what's what's your favorite uh cuisine to eat and what's your favorite cuisine to cook?

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Okay, I think the one I like to eat out the most is okay, there's a lot of answers for this. If we were just in New York a week or two ago, and because we went and saw Colbert before, you know, he goes off air and all that, but my brother and sister-in-law like work at Columbia, so they live on like the upper west side. So we went to an Italian place, and like I going to New York and going to an Italian place or a Greek place or something like that is like one of my favorite experiences ever. If I'm just like around town and it's not a special event, I'll get Thai food out and like Asian food that I have no business trying to cook because I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. But yeah, uh, Thai food, Indian food is like delicious to me, and I have no idea what I'm doing if I'm trying it. So that eating out is like one of my favorite experiences ever. Yeah. Yeah. What about cooking though? Cooking? Okay, if I'm going to cook it myself, I got three kids that are all under the age of 10, so it's always ketchup and cheese focused. You know, sadly, realistically. Ketchup is a cuisine now. I love that. Ketchup is a it's a whole food group. Um I what did I make the other day? I bought like a new, I I'll usually, if like for my wife and I, I'll try to do a good protein with like a good marinade or something like that and cook it correctly, you know, treat it with respect how I cook it. And then just have like a good rice and a carb or something like that with it, and then try to do a vegetable. And um, yeah, so I try to put most of my focus on the protein and making it taste phenomenal, and then kind of fleshing it out with like some basic carbs. I like baking bread a lot. So, you know, baking some bread, maybe doing some rice or something like that with it as well.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

That's awesome. Yeah, it's uh I I I am also the the the cook in our house. Years ago before before Danny was born, I was in academia, I was teaching a few colleges in the area. Um, but my you know, my teaching schedule was like I'd teach a couple classes in the morning and then come home.

unknown 12:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

Whereas Gabriella was working a nine to five.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

So, you know, we were kind of sharing the cooking duties, and one day Gabriella was just like, you've got a lot more time at home. Like, why don't you do the cooking? And I was just like, Well yeah, why don't I do the cooking? And I, you know, so my me, you know, I'm I'm ADHD. Uh I just like hyper fixated on like learning how to cook and like watching videos on knife skills and the mother sauces and trying to learn all this stuff and like just became like you know, super like way overboard. And I've forgotten how to do all the mother sauces. And besides, we're vegetarian, so most of them I can't do because there's like veal stock and stuff in them. But but uh, you know, I I took on cooking and baking and everything kind of pretty seriously and and really started, I enjoy it, you know. I don't like weeknight cooking, I don't like having to cook, you know. I do a lot of uh uh I don't not in academia anymore. I left a few years ago, but I teach private lessons now, and that is my usually an after-school thing. And so I don't like finishing up several hours of lessons and then having to cook, you know. But on the weekends or having friends over, love making, you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Yeah. What's one of your favorite like dinners to make? Like let's say it's a sun, it's uh Sunday afternoon, you've got like two to three hours to make a meal or something like that for a solid Sunday night dinner. What what would be like a go-to or something like, oh man, I'm really excited to make this?

SPEAKER_01 13:58

So my my kind of go-to, my the easiest thing for my favorite thing, I don't need to look at a recipe. I've been making it and kind of honing it for years, is this um pasta uh ala vodka sauce that um actually has a story behind it. My yeah, yeah. My mother um is a retired food critic. She was a food critic uh on Long Island uh for 25 years. Um and there's a restaurateur out there that um we became friendly with. You know, usually food criticism, you you have to stay anonymous like to do it right because you don't want them knowing who you are and giving you special treatment. But through just being in in the business for a while, my mom just kind of connected with this guy and never reviewed his stuff, but became friends with him. And so every now and again for a special occasion, we'd go to his restaurant and you know, he'd try to give us free food and we would overpay and all this. But my sister and I were both kind of young and we were both uh vegetarians, and so the he would read it was an Italian restaurant, and he'd he'd read us all the specials, and then he'd say, and anything else that you want, you might want. And so we'd all we'd be like, Well, do you have like pasta a la vodka? Because we we loved that at the time. And he'd go in the back, like, oh, we can make that. And he would bring up just the most delicious vodka sauce you've ever had, like not even on the menu. Yeah, yeah. You know? Just because he's knew how to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Just he also made like the most ridiculous chocolate souffle and like a cheesecake that was anyway. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

I already, I already told you New York Italian food is something where I'm like, this is gonna be delicious. It's gonna be like fantastic. So trust me, I understand the where you're like, oh dude, but this was also good. Oh dude, but this was also good. Oh dude, but this was also good. So I totally totally get it.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

So when my mom was retiring, I said, can you ask him now that you're you're like now that you're retiring, can you see just I ask him for the recipe because you know, I feel like it might have been uncomfortable earlier or whatever. And so he gave my mom the recipe with the the stipulation that I not share it with anybody. Well, yeah. And the recipe that he gave her was very bare bones, like it was kind of just the ingredients and a very kind of I don't know, sparse description of what to do. And so for like years I struggled to turn this into actual food. Um, and and try to make it into actually actual vodka sauce. And I finally, you know, a number of years ago, probably more than a decade, figured it out. And they've been slowly kind of making it my own and adding a couple of things and changing the the way I cook it. And so we'll have people over and I'll I'll make that as the main course, a salad with this really good kind of mustard dressing, and roasted broccolini. That's kind of my go-to. Nice. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

Okay. So what I'm really hearing is that next time I'm in Chicago, I need to make sure to coordinate with you for a Sunday night dinner. And I'll may I'll like make some bread or something that ahead of time to bring to so we can enjoy it together.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

It can be any night. Yes, it doesn't have to be Sunday.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Okay, okay, good, okay, good to know. Good to know.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Yes. But that would be amazing, yes. And especially if you're bringing bread. Like you're like, you you know, you don't need like a password or anything at the door, but like if you have a loaf of bread, like you know, come on that one. That's fine. That's fine. Okay. You got bread. Yeah. Even if it's not you. It's like, oh, you got the bread? That's fine. That's cool. We'll you'll we'll figure out something to connect on. It'll be great. Homemade bread is, yeah. I don't I don't I'm not I'm not good with yeast.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

I really have made enough mistakes where I can predict it a little bit better now, I feel like. Because I definitely I was already baking before the pandemic, but yeah, whenever the pandemic hit. I remember going to Sam's Club or whatever and buying like a 25-pound bag of all-purpose flour and a 25-pound bag of bread flour and being like, let's do this. Let's just, this is my identity now. Here we go. You're the bread guy. I was the bread guy for the neighborhood, you know. I mean, like, what else was I gonna do? So I'm just sending it home with kids. So do you ever have your daughter like, what's your experience like if you have your daughter help you with cooking? I'm very controlling in the kitchen. I'm very much like, I want this to turn out a certain way, and I need to da-da-da-da-da. So I'm bad at letting my kids help me, and I need to be better at that. Um, how are you with letting your daughter help you in the kitchen? I am um I am mixed.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Um when when when she was really young, we had this, I forget what it's called, but it's like a like it's it's like a little tower, like a stool surrounded by sides where you could where the kid can stand up on it. I forget what that thing was called so many years ago. Yeah, I know what you're talking about though, yeah. And we had one of those for her, and she would like to watch what I was doing or help peel the garlic. And, you know, like she she memorized the recipe for for homice and for all these things that I would make. And but then the older she got, she became kind of less interested in in doing what I was doing. I wanted to do what she was doing. Recently, when I've been inviting her to join me cooking, she's actually been more interested and has been like really curious. And I'm trying to describe all the steps and what's happening, and and she's very helpful. I'm just you know, I I I have some anxiety in general, and especially in the kitchen around an open flame with my child right there and with the sharp knife and everything. So I I but I'm I'm I'm getting better at that, and with me getting better and more being more open, she seems to be getting more interested. I also, you know, side note, I feel like it's an important responsibility for parents and just side note, I did not get this as a child to teach your kids how to cook.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

I you know, my my mother being a food critic very rarely had to cook for us because we were always eating out.

SPEAKER_03 19:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

And so I learned how to cook, you know, well after I guess maybe after grad school. I was a horrible cook in grad school. And I think it's uh I think sending a child out into the world with a set of skills, you know, empathy being one of them, being able to cook being another one.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

I think those are those are those are really important life life skills that it that I want to impart upon her. And so I realize I need to get get started on that with a little more uh regularity than I have been.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

I'm with you. I learned how to cook mostly because I'm the youngest of three and both my parents worked full-time. So it was like, okay, we get we get home from school, and it was like, okay, I'm hungry, and my parents like, we're not gonna be home for like two hours. So like you have to go figure it out. And so like my mom would teach, like, I mean, also like most of my cooking was like buttered noodles with parmesan cheese and like, you know, like ground beef tacos with like barely any seasoning on them, like stuff that you would expect, you know, like a teenager to eat. A lot of a lot of ketchup-based foods, a lot of ketchup and cheese-based foods, exactly. Um, but I feel the same of like I want my daughters and my son to know how to cook and be comfortable with it and everything. But and it's just interesting to notice my own energy of like, if I'm cooking and I'm hungry, then I don't really want their help because I I just want to get to the end result of being able to eat the food. But like if it's like bake, I'm actually better at letting them help me bake because I feel like they can do the measuring cup, we can teach like fractions and stuff like that. But like, if it's like, okay, now I need to flip the chicken, I need to flip something in the pan so I can cook on the other side. I don't want them to go in that and like switch it over whenever there's like grease in the pan. And if they flip it too hard, then they have grease fly in their face. And I'm like, or like um other cooking thing that I think is fun. I think it's really funny to be a parent and realize what you have to tell your kids because they wouldn't know it otherwise. The other day, one of my daughters, like something popped out of the toaster, and one of my daughters went to grab it and it was like kind of stuck in there. And I was like, Oh, just so you know, never put metal in a toaster, it could kill you. And I'm like, And they're like, Oh, I wasn't going to. And I was like, no, I'm just telling you that like I realized in this moment you don't know that. I never told you that. I never told you this, but I just realized yeah, how this could escalate while I'm also taking care of other things, in which you could take a fork and try to try it out and then electrocute yourself. Uh so don't ever do that. And they're like, Okay, I wasn't going to. And now I'm especially not going to. And I'm like, Yeah, sorry, that came on too strong. Um, I just don't want you to die because that's one of my Maybe I came on too strong. I came on too strong. I want you to die. I just didn't. So it's great to realize, you know, the anxieties you're gonna pass on your kid, at least in the moment you can realize it, right? You know? Yeah, absolutely. I'm I'm totally the same way though, yeah. Yeah. Just like, yeah, oh, that's too that's too much. They were they didn't realize that. And then you're like, nope, okay, how do I could I have done that better? Just not But also I was probably trying to do 20 things at once. So once I saw that, that that took priority and it jumped, it jumped to the top of the list real quick in that moment. So I had to communicate it.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

No, I feel I feel like when something like that happens, Gabriella will walk up to Danny and be like, Sweetie, you probably don't want to do that because blah, blah, blah. And me, I'm just like, blah, the house is going to burn down. What are you doing? Like you'll never have fingers anymore. You know, like exactly I just freak out right away. And it's like, yeah, we're just very different people in that respect. And you know, my my my anxiety, which I've given a name to, by the way, like uh my my my friend, um, she named her anxiety, she she named it Susan. That way she's she's always like, you know, Susan showed up, but I I I was able to get her to to leave. And so uh recently I was, I was uh I gave my my anxiety a name as well. Uh and it's definitely it hasn't changed anything, but uh it's fun to have a name for it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

I think Frank Turner has a lyric that's like, I've got a visit from an old dear friend, and it's called anxiety. And that always sticks in my head of like, oh, you're back here. I didn't know you were doing visits today, but thank you. I would have I would have faked that I wasn't home if I knew you were gonna arrive today. So thank you for this. Did you see, did you see Inside Out too? Of course, yeah, no. I think both Inside Out movies, I would say my favorite thing about them is I know kids who had panic attacks, who had all these emotions whenever we were growing up. No one called it a panic attack if you were 12 or 13. They just thought you were overreacting. And to have kids now have the language to be like, no, you're having a panic attack. Your nervous system thinks it's going to die. Like, and this is this is really this is really intense. You need someone to meet you where you are. As I'm like, oh, oh my God, I didn't know this language would ever be available for kids. And here is Inside Out too, creating a beautiful story around all these emotions that kids feel every single day. I love it. It's yeah fantastic. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

It was unreal. Yeah. And and their their portrayal of anxiety in that in that movie in particular, like, not just the panic attack, it's but especially the panic attack, but like their portrayal of anxiety as being like, she wasn't, I don't remember. She like, she just wants to be helpful. Yeah, she's just wants to find ideas. She's trying to predict the future, yeah, at all times. And she's not a lot of the time she can be really helpful. Not that her ideas are correct, but she's just so overactive. And to the extent that that that when she gets all revved up into that, that like whirlwind, that scene for me was actually like like like I had a tough time getting through that scene. Like, yeah. I mean, not not in a like like I need to leave the theater, but like it was like really moving for me. It was like really because I felt like completely seen and like understood on in that in that scene. I was just like, Well, this is this is what it feels like, and this is where it comes from. Yeah, it was even thinking about yeah, like yeah, yeah. No, it's rare to see things like that in a movie. You know, that really, really just understand that aspect of you that you've struggled with for so long.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

And I love that they in that in both those movies, I think they do such a good job of not um demeaning like an emotion or something like that. Because it's not being like, oh, anxiety has no purpose here, anxiety is useless, anxiety is harmful or anything like that. It is kind of saying, like, hey, when you get wrapped up in one emotion, similar to the first movie, if you get too wrapped up in joy, you're actually ignoring other things. It's that like it's that constant, how do we hold both of these at once? Anxiety does have a purpose. Anxiety does motivate you. Anxiety does make you accomplish things, it does. But like to whenever it becomes too much, then it is harmful. It is, it makes you become someone who you never thought you could become, and not in a good way.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

Going back to my therapist here. You're a good man. My old therapist was really helpful. I mean, my new therapist is great, don't get me wrong, but like my old therapist was the one who kind of started me on actually managing my anxiety. And one of the things that was important was kind of naming these what are called automatic negative thoughts or ants, right? And when you there's all these different types, and like when I recognize, once I'm able to recognize that that's what's happening, like, you know, like that person looks looks pissed. They're probably pissed at me. Like once I can recognize that like that's ridiculous, I'm I'm this call, they call it mind reading, right? That that that there's no reason for me to think that. And I can identify that as not an aspect of me, but an aspect of my anxiety, I can shut it down. I can say, like, well, that's not reasonable. Thank you for the thought. Now get the hell out of here, you know? And being able to just recognize those things and name them, it's not going to go away. I'm they're not I'm not gonna stop having these thoughts, but they're they're they're less intrusive. They're they're they have less power over me. And I can I can you know send them away with greater frequency and greater assertiveness.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Yes. Well, because if if not, then you assume it's identity and shortcomings. It's you look at someone who is who has an angry face and you're like, oh man, what did I do to piss this person off? And it's like, you're actually making yourself very self-important in their life. Like to some extent, it's like, oh, you're all about me, man.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

It's all exactly.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

And it's like, no, you probably had a previous experience where you did an action, you didn't realize it made someone angry, and then they express that anger at you, and you're trying to protect yourself by getting ahead of that. But like, just go ask that person how they're doing. And like then you might be able to know that. But like to immediately assume it's um one thing that I think is fascinating about raising children is trying to teach them a healthy level of what they're actually responsible for. So, like, I don't want my kids to feel responsible for my mood and my happiness, but also they have to understand that who they are and how they are affects my mood and happiness, but they're not responsible for my mood and happiness. So, like, that is such a that's really what that's so complex at the same time, though. But like I know people who felt responsible and probably still do feel responsible for how their parents' happiness is and how they feel validated by their life. And I'm like, oh, that's not your responsibility, but you were probably made to make it feel like it is. So it's real complex and it's real messy, and I'm not gonna act like I know how to do it, but that's that's really I'm glad you have that tool now, at least to be like, that's not this might not be about me and my assumption that it is. It's just me trying to protect myself, probably in some way from someone expressing hate or dissatisfaction with me because that sucks to have expressed towards me.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Now that I know that now that you said that, I realize, like, oh yeah, it also could be just me being too self-important and thinking everything's about me.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Some but like at the same time, though, it's like because I think, yeah, it is what it is, but yeah, sometimes like, oh, I bet this person's mad at me. It's like, hey, you probably right now in this moment, that's an indicator to me be like, hey, are you centered? Are you out here being like, oh man, I bet my actions are ruining other people's days? And it's like, why would you like calm down? Like, find your integrity, figure out how live within it, and you'll be okay. But if you assume everyone you interact with is mad at you, first question should be are you doing stuff that makes everyone mad at you? Deal with that maybe. For the record, I'm not. Good. That's good. That's good. Just to be clear, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's only occasionally. It's okay, but every once in a while. And it's probably whenever I think I'm being funny and it turns out I'm being mean, is usually when that happens. Yeah. But that's cool. I'm glad you've um man, I am a big believer in therapy, just because yeah, you don't know what your habits are, you don't know what your patterns are. And it does take a therapist looking at you being like, hey, why do you think that person's mad at you? Have you ever asked that question? And if you're like, oh no, I just I thought it I thought it was truth that they're mad at me, and they're like, oh, probably not. Can we talk about that? Can we evaluate that? And then you go down that rabbit hole of uh figuring out why you feel that way about someone.

SPEAKER_01 29:08

I I am also a big proponent of therapy. I think it's I think it's like oh gosh, I'm gonna start ranting.

SPEAKER_03 29:15

Good, go for it. Man, that's part of this.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

You're good. Yeah, yeah. No, I think, I think, you know, as being as this is a podcast uh about dads, I I really, I really do feel that that as as men, we have a a certain responsibility to um to kind of undo some of the negative things uh associated with the typical conception of what it is to be a man or or you know, this idea that that men shouldn't talk about their feelings, they shouldn't cry, they shouldn't feel these feelings. You know, this is I'm I'm I can't take credit for these ideas. Uh there's a there's a really amazing book by Belle Hooks. Uh I don't know if you've read it called The The The Will to Change. That was just like life-changing for me. Um and she talks in the book about uh the importance of teaching men and boys to be able to feel feel the softer feelings, feel things like love and be able to express those things. And because you know, social socially acceptable expo emotions for men is typically rage. And that's pretty pretty much it. And so what happens is you hold in all your emotions and then it explodes. And if the idea of what it is to be a man doesn't contain that, just that the rage. If you can be a man and you can you can you can express those emotions, you can um not see something like femininity uh as a negative quality in yourself or in somebody else, you know, all of a sudden we we we become more um society can be more equitable and we can have a lot healthier generations of of of of young men, essentially. And so therapy, I think, is like a a huge, um hugely important uh aspect of that. And I think it's stigmatized across cultures. Typically men are well, you know, well, I don't need therapy, I just you know, talk to my friends or whatever. And I think it's a totally different thing to talk to your friends and just talk to your therapist.

SPEAKER_02 31:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

And I don't think you should use your friends like therapists.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

You should be able to relate about what's happening in your life with your friends, but a therapist, I think, is there to help you acknowledge the patterns and in which ways you keep hitting your head against the same wall. And in which case your friends will probably look at you and be like, hey, it seems like you've run into this problem again. Are you okay? Where a therapist can be like, Oh, here's your pattern, here are the tools to make you to help you break this cycle. But why would you expect your friends to know how to help you break cycles? And like, I think uh if you want to go with like stereotypes, I do think the mask, the men brain or whatever is usually focused on like problem solving, uh, understanding patterns, stuff like that. So usually that's what I will tell men if they're like, I don't know if I should therapy, it's like, oh, it's just acknowledging your patterns and then coming up with a new system of problem solving to not repeat the pattern you don't want to be a part of anyone.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

I mean, what's the harm in that? What's it what's up? What's the harm in that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:58

Yep.

unknown 31:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

So I don't I I I I don't want it to seem like I was thinking like I don't I see this as as a kind of kind of a negative societal vision of what men are. I don't, I don't think this is necessarily a universal view of what men are. I just I I I want to see it go on. I want to see it go the way of the dodo. I don't think it's a good way for anybody to be. I think I think we should be in touch with our emotions and able to express them. And you should be able to, I think she says in that book, to be able to, I don't remember the word exact words, but basically to be able to both give and receive love. I think that's an extremely important thing for anybody.

SPEAKER_00 32:31

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think, yeah, I I think kind of what you're getting at too is that like um I think the ceiling is set pretty low for men and their ability to and they um the belief that they have depth. And like I think men have just as much emotional depth, they have just as much of an inner world as anyone else. But I think societally it's what's been expected of them is go to work, financially provide, and that's it. And like I think that's a shallow definition. I think men have a lot more to them than that. And once you start telling them, like, hey, actually, your emotions are welcomed here, your love is welcomed here, then that's whenever you see like a self-actualized man, someone who's like, oh my gosh, I didn't know it was okay for me to express this. I didn't know it was okay for me to go beyond the definition I had. Because for a lot of like grandparents' generation, stuff like that, it was scarcity, it was survival mode. They didn't know where the next meal would come from. They weren't gonna think about their emotions. They were too busy trying to think, can my family eat today? And that's so they lived out of anxiety and fear to make sure that needs were met constantly. And that's, I mean, it's the reality for some people still, and I can act like it's not. But if you have the opportunity to explore the depth of yourself, do it. Just do it. Don't live in a scarcity mindset, don't live in a fear mindset. Live in a, hey, what if my love is good? What if who I am is good, and then share that with the people you love and see what happens.

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

I feel like as a as a as a you know, I was uh primary with with with my daughter for many years, uh, you know, stay-at-home dad. I quit quit quit quit my job. I, you know, it was for for you know, I know you did that too. So I I feel like that that I think a lot of people I remember would like taking her out around town and and people what let me let me step back. I feel like I got a lot of resistance from people in my family who saw the role of being a father as being the provider and saw my career as being the primary thing and not and not Gabriella's career. Why, why are you the one? And it's like, well, there's so many reasons, but you know, that that I think that with the resistance to that was purely focused on on gender, on me being a man. And then I'm curious about your experience of being a uh being the primary, being the stay-at-home dad, and walking around with with your child, people's reactions of being of being like, oh, you're such a good dad. Like, and it's just like, really? Like I'm just out with my or people, you know, like I'm doing the the bare minimum here. I'm taking my career and that's all you see. Yeah. And that's not like, or so the worst, the worst was like, oh, are you babysitting today? Which is, you know, probably the least feminist thing you could say in that moment. Because what you're saying is the the the woman's role is to be the the the caretaker for the child. And so you're just an employee in your own family taking care, you know. So I'm curious if you've experienced much of that, that uh stay-at-home dad.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

I do remember like going to doctor's appointments and like having all three kids with me, being there by myself. Because yeah, my wife works full time. And my responsibility to the family, how I make my family better, is by taking full responsibility of scheduling the doctor's appointments, taking them out of school so they can make it on time to the doctor, like all this really basic logistical stuff that takes up mental load, but like it's your job if you're the primary parent. Go do it. And like, yeah, doctors or whatever, being like, oh, what's their birthday? And knowing the birth date immediately. And people have been like, wow, you knew that quickly. And being like, yeah, I was there for all three births. Why would I not, why would this not be ingrained in my head of when their birthdays are? These are life, these are identity-changing moments to me and my family. Why would I not know them immediately? And I never had anyone say, 'Are you babysitting?' But I always had like the acknowledgement of like, I am walking into a more feminine space in which they are not used to masculine energy and just trying to respect the space is basically and not try to ever be like, no, you need to welcome me. It's like, no, this, like, you guys need support. I need support. So, like, how do we navigate this? And this is normally more geared towards feminine energy and women and stuff because more people are likely going to be women than men that show up. So they're going to be geared towards you more than towards me. And I totally get that and respect that. Yeah.

unknown 36:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

I just want to be clear, I wasn't, I was not, I would not like, I wasn't, I wasn't rude to people who said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Uh my response was when they say, you know, are you a babysitting? I said, no, this is my child. Yep. You know, I wasn't snarky about it. It's just like, this is my kid, you know.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

They might kid. And it is hard in those moments, because like to me, that is to um give that person asking that question some grace. If they're just trying to make, oh, like, because you're probably something they didn't expect to see. So like, oh, are you babysitting? What's going on here? I don't usually expect a man to be solo at a playground with their kid enjoying themselves. Like, what's this? What's going on here? Is what I think they're trying to say. But yeah, the jerk in me wants to be like, no, I just found this kid. I took him out of a shopping cart. Like, if easy is the people. Like, that's what the jerk inside of me wants to say. And I'm like, no, man, they're just trying to be polite and like they don't like totally. Just don't don't take it to that extreme of you being such a jerk because someone wanted to connect and wasn't sure. Like, I wasn't a jerk. Come on now. You weren't. I would be. Um I'm sorry, my dogs are broken.

SPEAKER_01 37:31

I'm gonna bring them in here.

SPEAKER_00 37:31

Sorry, give me one second. Bring them in. Love it. You're good. Okay. I'm gonna hold before. Hold that dog. That's a cute dog. Is that like a bichon for Zay?

SPEAKER_01 37:40

You know you're right. Can I tell you? Can I tell you her story? It's actually really funny. Yes, do it. First of all, you're the first person who's ever like correctly identified her, just like straight straight away. I've never like no one's ever gotten that before. Because you know, she's not cut like a bichon typically is, but uh so so both of our dogs are rescues. The the one over here, uh the black and white dog over here, his name is Kiko. We got him first. He was eight months old. He was a breeder surrender, he's a shitsu cocker spaniel poodle mix that they were apparently trying to make a thing, which I get because he's an amazing dog. Yeah. For I guess for whatever reason, they couldn't get rid of him, so they just dumped him at a shelter. I think he's his he's got his eyes disappear into the black of his first. So I think maybe they just couldn't photograph him well and they couldn't get anyone interested in him. But he's like just like an absolutely perfect dog. He's amazing. That's awesome. We had had him for about a year, and Gabriella and Danny were just like, we need a second dog, we need a second dog. And so we went to this the, you know, we were looking, we had two dogs a number of years ago that were amazing, but they shed like you wouldn't believe. One was a terrier, a jackrussell terrier, and one was a mutt. And we're like, okay, we you know, we gotta get hyperallergenic dogs this time. So yeah, Kiko was was the the first one. And we so we were looking at a pet finder for all these hyperallergenic dogs, and this one shelter had a bunch of appointments, like a bunch of dogs, like 12 or 13 dogs that all looked like her, that had all come in at once, and they were all named after pastas. So, like there was like, you know, linguini, I think her name was like Kenne or something, the spaghetti, I forget which one it was.

SPEAKER_03 39:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

And so all the dogs had appointments except for her, and all the dogs were like under a year old or around there, but she was five. Um and we're like, Do we want a five-year-old dog? I don't know. And so we went into the place and we had to bring Kiko along because you have to have the dog meet the other dog. You did, yep. And so Gabriella and Danny went in to go to go be, you know, bring the other dog out. And I was staying staying there with Kiko, and I had to pee like I couldn't describe to you, like so badly. And so I'm sitting there and waiting for them to get back, and they come out, and I don't see a dog or anything. I thought maybe they were bringing the dog out in a second, and I just say to Gabriella, take take Kiko, I really have to go to the bathroom. And everybody, both the two of them and the person from the shelter, looked so confused as to what was happening. The reason they look confused is because they were holding Vela here, or spaghetti or whatever her name was at the time. And I didn't even acknowledge it because I didn't see her. Because she was just just like she was definitely round, but she was this scrawny, like yellowed, like just she looked like just she looked awful. She smelled horrible. They had given her a bath and she was still just like caked with filth. Oh, that sucks. Yeah. And so I came out of the bathroom and they were sitting there like in the corner, and she was in the corner just like cowering and so terrified. Yeah. And I just I looked down at her, I was just like, I was I was surprised. I was like, I gave I gave this look kind of like this is the dog, you know, like I would Yeah. I don't I don't I don't act like that, I don't think like that, but I looked down at her just like really surprised. Yeah. Um and I was like, You look so scared. And then the person says, Well, she she calms down if you hold her like a baby. And I was like, What? And so I I I held her like a baby, and she just looked, she calmed and she looked up at me, and I was just like, Oh, okay, like this is our dog here. They're taking this dog yet. So she was rescued from a hoarding situation. They had like 14 dogs or something like that. And she was the mom of all of them. Um but we didn't know anything about what kind of breed she was. They told us she's it's a poodle mix of some sort. She's probably got a lot of different things in her. And so, you know, our old dog, the mutt, we never got the DNA testing done on him. And I regretted, regretted it, because I would have really liked to know what he was. He was so cute. I won't go into that, but we decided to put on sale the the DNA testing for some holiday, and we're like, let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 41:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:13

So we did it. And I remember Gabriella was out of town and we were on the phone, and I I I I just found out I opened the thing, uh, and I they have like a they have like a family tree setup where you see the dog and their parents, and it says, Your dog's a hundred percent Bichon Frise. Both of their parents are 100% Bichon Fried, both of their, and it was just like this Bichon family tree of all just like these little marshmallow dogs like going going down. It's like, this was a 100% Bichon Frize. Like we didn't think I never even thought a Bichon sweet eye would have anything to do with they're so like expensive and like Hody Toady kind of looking. And it turns out we had one, and she is just the sweetest, most darling. So like yeah, and now she's like, it turns out I I after when we brought her home, I I gave her a bath and I I remember yelling out to Gabriella, it turns out she's white. Like I was surprised. I couldn't tell. So dirty. That's yeah. But she's she's such a sweet little princess now, and yeah, very happy.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

My my parents had two Bichon Frisades for a good decade, maybe, or something like that. And one of them was white. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, oh, is that that like the like no shape and the hair and all that looks very similar to them?

SPEAKER_01 42:18

So For a brief period of time, I was trying to get her cut like a Bichon with the ridiculous marshmallow head. And I bring her I bring her to the to the groomer and I'd be like, give her the bichon cut, give her the big, and then she'd come back kind of looking like this, and I'd be like, What's going on? You know, like why aren't they doing it? They never really explained it. And I I realized that eventually that it's just like it's a very careful, very specific thing. Yeah, I think maybe it was just like too much. I don't like the way it looks, but I feel like she's a princess. Let her look like a princess for a little while, you know? Like I wonder if it's like you're trying to glamour up. I get it.

SPEAKER_00 42:55

Exactly. Exactly. Totally. Okay. Okay, so before we wrap up, the reason why I even know you exist is because you wrote a kid's album. So I should probably make sure you have a chance to say, hey, what's your kid's album? When is it gonna come out? All that good stuff. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:12

Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. So, yeah, my my my kids' music project is called Dad Joke. One word, capital D and capital J, but it's still, you know, one word. Um the album is called Fun Intended. Hopefully you get that joke, because it's a it's a dad joke. I don't. What's the function? You know the expression expression pun intended or no pun intended? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's uh yeah, exactly. And this is the kind of humor that that a dad joke is, which is why all of these things, these these are appropriate names.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

It's supposed to just die. The joke is, I mean, that's just the joy of a dad joke, because it is supposed to just be kind of dead on arrival, is the is I feel like the intention of most dad jokes. Is to be like, just like, yeah, I said that. And yeah, there's humor to it. You'll find it.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

Yeah, you know, what's it called? One of my students, she came up with the title. She was telling me about just like something her cu phrases her cousin had misheard. And she said, you know, fun intended. And I was like, that's that's the greatest thing I've ever heard. That's my album. Like she was like, Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. But uh yeah, so I've been I've been I was a uh a composer. Uh I I I would say like a capital C composer. I was like writing notated music, things like string quartets, concert music, I'm you know, you might call it, for years, which I really loved and was starting to kind of go pretty well until the COVID came along. Yep. And all these great opportunities kind of fizzled out. And I started writing I had been writing a piece as part of that, a piece for okay, wow. Most of the music I was writing at that time, I had like a very specific thing that I was really enjoying doing, which was writing pieces for people, for people who sing, singing performers. Right. Seeing someone play the guitar and sing is is is is an everyday thing, but seeing a string quartet sing is a little unusual, or seeing a like a flute solo where they also sing is unusual. And these were that was the kind of thing I was really interested in writing. Cool. And so uh I got a a pretty big grant to write this piece for a singing viola player, like a half-hour-long song cycle. And so I was I wrote this piece, and the texts for the piece were I think Danny was like four at the time. All of the texts that was gonna be sung in this half-hour-long piece were stories that that she made up. Cool, yeah. And I I would record her telling the stories and I would transcribe them, and I would give her a chance to edit them, and and then I set all of that to music over the course of a half-hour long piece. And I I loved it. Oh my, it was so it was so much fun. I didn't think that that I was gonna just discard, you know, stop doing the kind of composing I was doing, but all this time, ever since she was born, I was making up little songs for her. Um and so and around this time I was I just kind of finishing up that piece, and a lot of the opportunities I had were kind of falling away. I was like, well, I really like making I like working with kids. I like making stuff for kids. What if I tried to actually like turn some of my stuff into actual songs? And so I d I just started doing it and started a YouTube channel, and uh the first song I put out is called This Is a Duck. And it's uh it's like a one-minute long post-punk song. Yeah. That I've been playing in this band called Paper Mice for 20 years, and it sounds like Paper Mice. It was basically a Paper Mice song, a lot of yelling, you know. Uh and it's a very silly song, and Danny helped me make the video for it. And people, people liked it. And I was like, this is this is really fun, you know. And a math rock Reddit page picked it up and and like nice. So there's a brief period where it got like a lot of views, and then like, you know, it was a math rock community, so a lot of dislikes as well. People, oh blah, blah, blah. Of course, every time. Yes. But uh, you know, not not all my stuff sounds like that, but I started to realize that like this is a uh an outlet for my creativity that feels really natural and fun. And all of the stuff I was doing in my in my composing, I could do all of the same kinds of stuff, all my musical interests that I was kind of exploring in in in a in a kind of a more academic realm. I could, I could still do in this area. Like I'm obsessed with complicated rhythms and kind of labyrinth themed harmonic progressions and stuff like that. And I realized I could explore all of this in kids' music and have a really good time and connect with kids. And like so when the project started, I called it Dr. Dave the Music Doctor, which nobody could remember, nor could they spell because it was D R or was D-O-C-T-O-R, and it was just a bad name. I was, I I figured I'd start it, I would stick with it, okay, here, you know. And then the name, the name Dad joke came to me. I was like, no one's really used that name. Like, there's not an anything, and I was like, how is that not taken? That's a great name for a kid's music project. I love it, you know. And everyone I asked was like, yeah, do it, do it. So I changed the name of the project. Um, and um and so it's you know, about five years, five or six years ago, I started doing it, but I was just putting out videos and finally decided like I'm gonna do an actual album and and try to start taking this more seriously. And so, you know, I hired a publicist and actual got nice photos taken and trying to trying to start a kind of a new career as as a as a children's music. Nice.

SPEAKER_00 47:50

And I love it so so far. Yeah. Do you have you um do you do most of your recording at home? I'm assuming do you have like some form of a home studio setup, or do you actually go to like a studio to record it? Yes. Yeah. Both.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

Uh you know, cool. I've been the first couple songs I did, uh I I did in a studio. My the bassist in in my band in Paper Mice, um, his name is Taylor Hales. He's a recording engineer at electrical audio in Chicago. And so I you know, got some time with him and uh he's a wonderful, incredible engineer, producer, fantastic friend. And so I don't really like recording. Um well, I hadn't in the past.

SPEAKER_00 48:28

I find it very stressful. Yeah, it's a lot of perfection. Your perfectionist tendencies can come out, you can overthink it. It's it can be a lot, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:37

Yeah, no, I was a uh a saxophonist for for many years. I I did a master's degree in saxophone, I was a classical saxophone player, and anytime I had to record that stuff was like the worst day because it was all I heard was how bad I was. All I heard was like that note's out of tune, you know, this is a mistake. Yeah. Too breathy, too reedy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Breathy and reedy, yeah. And recording was just awful for me. Even with my band, I just I just never really liked it. But recording with Taylor, I love. It's just so laid back, I don't feel the pressure. So, you know, we we did the three or four songs together. Um, this is this is a duck being one of them. And then I said, Okay, well, I I need to start getting a setup at home so I can kind of do this without having to spend so much money. Yep. So I got myself some studio monitors, I started using logic. Yeah. Kind of slowly helping my equipment. And actually, Taylor, uh, we haven't done it recently, but he's been giving me mixing lessons so I can do more of the work at home. Yeah. And so this a lot of the songs that I had I had produced coming up to the album, a lot of them I'd done at home, and they and they sounded, I think, pretty good. But for the album, I went back into the studio and re-recorded drums because a lot of the drums I was using, I was using uh, what's it called? Uh Superior Drummer 3 for them. Uh you know, fake drums. I mean they're real drum sounds, but it's like, you know, you do it with MIDI. And they sound great, but a real drummer is a is a totally different story. So I I redid some of the drums for some of the tracks with the drummer for my band, John Carroll, who's an incredible drummer, also a wonderful friend. Uh re-recorded some of the guitar stuff. So I made, you know, some of it was recorded here, some of it was recorded there, and the and we did all the mix, Taylor did all the mixing for it. Uh, and so it's a I think it's a a a pretty good representation of a much better representation of the songs than what I had done on my own at home.

SPEAKER_00 50:16

Yeah. That's cool. That's awesome. Yeah. When's it when's it like come out? Do you know like when the album's supposed to come out? Did it already come out? All that stuff. It comes out on June 12th. Okay. Yeah. That was a very simple question.

SPEAKER_01 50:30

I'm giving you. There's not an answer in the form of an essay.

SPEAKER_00 50:32

Yeah. No, you're good. It's like June 12th. That is the day. Do you uh do you expect to like tour it? Are you gonna play like shows around Chicago? Like, what about for like a live performance element of it?

SPEAKER_01 50:41

I I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 50:44

Seriously, it's a different animal.

SPEAKER_01 50:45

Yeah. The project, like all the songs, I go way overboard on a lot of these songs. Uh like like I was saying to you before, like one of the things I love about writing music is like you can just do whatever you want. No, there's no rules. And one of the things when I write music that I uh kind of part of my kind of method is is I I start off by just writing the song I want. Like I have my kind of like wish list, you know, here's the things I want to do compositionally, here's the things I want to do orchestrationally, like I want to make these things happen. And then I pare it down. If I if I can't do those things, I I kind of cut back. But because I have this, like, you know, I can produce it at home. I have all this software, I have all these things I can do. I I just didn't censor anything. So I I this is a song on the album. The last song on the album is called I Tried to Use AI, but it came out weird. And it's a song uh about, you know, like people typing in prompts and artwork coming out in AI. And every time I I ask it for something, it just comes out looking really bizarre. And the song slowly morphs into a song about why you shouldn't use AI for music and art and why you should like uh there's a line Now that I tried to use AI, I'm understanding why it's important to support creative people instead of a machine. Yeah, yeah. This, you know, the song and the video kind of slowly turn into kind of a a bit of a preachy message about valuing creative artists. And so the song starts off with kind of like some pretty aggressive sounding kind of keyboards and guitars and stuff like that. But as we get toward the end of the song, I I it just needed to sound like a almost like a Paul Simon song, like a 1970s or 60s guitar, kind of like almost like with vinyl kind of crackling in the background. And then I it just needed to blossom into a full orchestra. Cool. Yeah. And so like I was like, okay, I'll just do it, you know? And the song just kept getting more and more bombastic and just more and more ridiculous. And there was no one telling me not to do it, and I had the means to do it, so I did it. So you did it. Yeah. Long story short, that's just one song, but like reproducing a lot of these songs is hard. And especially because I don't I have a band, but it's it's not, it's my it's my it's my it's our band, the three of us. It's not, they're not there to play my music. Yeah, yeah, it's different. And so I would love to have a band for this eventually, but at this moment in time, I I I think it's uh it would be unreasonable for me to try to do that. Did I did do one of the songs at a at a concert a few nights ago, just this one one song, and and people seem to like it. And you know, it was just me and an acoustic guitar for a song that is typically a whole band. And so I think there is a version of this project with just me and an acoustic guitar that that could work for the time being. And I'm just trying to figure out how viable that is, and then I'll start figuring out I'll do shows. But I I I would like to play first because I mean the idea, the idea is to connect with children and you know, to have this project exist only online and never actually be in the same room as the kids who are listening to it doesn't sound like a very appealing project.

SPEAKER_03 53:33

No, not at all.

SPEAKER_00 53:35

Okay. In the interest of time, I'll ask you the five questions. Oh, here we go. First question is Did you have any backup names for your kids? Like besides naming her Danny, what is there anything you almost named her?

SPEAKER_01 53:48

The only the other backup name would have been uh so we we're we're a bilingual household. Okay. And so Gabriella's grandmother was named Nuri. I I don't remember if the the grandma's name was N-U-R-I or N-U-R-Y. Yeah. But we ended up using that and combining it with my grandmother's middle name to make the name Nuriadel, which is now Danny's uh middle name. So we end up getting to getting to use it kind of still. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:12

That's all what's the what's the other language you guys are fluent in? Or what's the other one? Spanish. Spanish. Okay, well, that's what I thought I just wanted to make sure.

SPEAKER_01 54:17

Yeah, well uh I actually became fluent in Spanish. Like Gabriella said to me, either you I had been trying to learn Spanish for years, but Gabrielle said, either you learn Spanish or we're gonna have a secret language to make fun of you in. And so we actually only spoke Spanish with Danny for the first two years of her life, and I boot camped it and and now I I speak Spanish, and it's one of the best things I ever did was learning Spanish.

SPEAKER_00 54:37

Can I just say the amount of respect I have for your partner to be like, hey, if you don't learn this, we're just gonna poke fun at you and you're not gonna realize it constantly. And that's why you need to learn.

SPEAKER_01 54:46

Yeah, no, and I mean, like, here's the thing. I've been trying I've been motivated, I've been trying for years. I wanted to learn, but it was just like it was evading me. And and this was, you know, the thing that that actually really helped was just reading books in Spanish with with Annie and carrying her around the neighborhood and talking to all the. We we used to live in Loban Square, which is a primarily Mexican and Puerto Rican neighborhood. And so I would walk two dogs with a baby on my back and everyone wanted to talk to me. Yeah. And it was a really good chance a lot, a lot of them didn't speak English. And so they were so kind and you know, were very patient with my Spanish, and I just just kind of blossomed over that that that's cool.

SPEAKER_00 55:18

Next question is what's your go-to replacement curse word, or do you just curse, or do you curse in Spanish?

SPEAKER_01 55:25

Good question. I I do sometimes curse in Spanish. Um obviously I'm not gonna say it on the on the on the show. My typical my typical replacement curse word is is forks and knives. Forks and knives, nice. Yeah. Or or sometimes forks and just ridiculous forks and kniversons or forcularities and you know, just sometimes but forks and knives. The other one, which is in Spanish, is an incredible, almost a I think it's a dad joke itself. Sabana is the is is the Spanish word for like a bed sheet.

unknown 55:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 55:53

A sheet. And when someone with a Spanish accent says the S-word, that's what it sounds like they're saying. It sounds like they're saying sheet. So he says the word sheet, but in Spanish. So it's like amazing. So sabana is a really good one.

SPEAKER_00 56:06

Man, I also love that you would start your replacement curse word with fork so you get the so your body thinks it's about to say the F-word, but also it's not saying it all. Because it's got the harsh consonants, it's got two of the main letters you're looking to say. So that's that's solid. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 56:20

Yeah. There's there's a in Spanish, there's a the word for the S-word. The kind of substitute that people use is the word for Wednesday. They say miec. So if you know what the S word is, you can understand why that. I don't.

SPEAKER_00 56:29

I don't. But now I'll now I'll look it up. I'm not gonna say it on your on your ruin your show. Yeah. Thank you. Um okay. Next question is like favorite activity that you do with your daughter. Like what's the one of your favorite things you get to do with her?

SPEAKER_01 56:42

Birding. Yeah. We're we're a birding household. Okay. I got into birding when Gabriella was pregnant and eventually was able to get the whole family into it. But Danny just took it on like a I mean, she wants to be an ornithologist now. Uh and she knows more about birds than anybody I've ever met in my entire life, and like understands the taxonomy of birds, understands the Latin names and can make up Latin names that sound realistic. What? I mean, can do the calls and can recognize the calls, and like that's awesome. So yeah. Um you know, we we just this uh on Saturday went to the woods together and yeah, it was like all flooded, but we just stood at the edge of the water and like just took in all the species that were showing up for the for the flood and you know, uh, and then took a walk in a different woods and saw all the warblers were out, everyone's migrating, and it's I got a bird on my shirt here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Got a bird on my cup here.

SPEAKER_00 57:37

I got a bird here. Are you listening to Andrew Bird after this phone call? No, I'm not. No, that's so cool. Yeah, so we're yeah, birdie. Yeah. That's cool. Next question. What is your least favorite kid's show? Like, what's one kid's show where you're like, oh man, I can never get into this, but my daughter loved it and I cannot stand this show.

SPEAKER_01 57:55

I don't like, oh okay. Well, I don't like to yucky people's yummies. You know, I don't want to say something that that that that that people like and make them feel bad about. Yeah, you know. I can also ask a different question if you don't want to answer that one. Well, I mean, I in general, the thing I I I didn't like was when was when she would look at at like YouTube videos that were just like very kind of low budget CGI with like music that was just completely just throw-offs. Like I feel like the message that's sent to kids with stuff like that is you don't matter enough for me to put any effort into this. Yeah, totally. Yeah. And I mean actually, uh honestly, like seeing those, seeing her watch those videos was a was something that really pushed me to want to make kids music because the converse is that of that is like, well, if I do everything and and and put my all into this music for the sole purpose of just having you enjoy it, that gives you the message that you're important. Yeah. And you know, that that you matter. And I I I did this for you, you know?

SPEAKER_02 58:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:43

So yeah. Yeah. YouTube is a YouTube is an interesting place. I feel like my kids will want to watch it, but we have a lot of rules around it of like if we're you have to watch it if we're in the room, we gotta make sure we got set time limits on it. Because it is, you don't know what you're getting into. You don't know the quality of the production, you don't know the story arc of anything, you don't know if it's all AI slop. So no, YouTube is a very consistent answer of just like, I don't know what this is, but I don't it just makes you feel uneasy because you're like, ah, this could be better in so many ways, and you're profiting off of it. So you're not gonna see the incentive to make it better, but this could be a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And if you can't think of, did you have you thought of a favorite TV movie dad or anything like that? If not, then I can and then I have another question for you.

SPEAKER_01 59:26

Can't even think of a TV show that I watch now. Now that you've said it, it's just like, it's like it's got it got you. The question got you. I think of TV dads I think are hilarious. Yeah. You know, we know it's actually, I mean, you probably haven't seen this show, but there's a really funny TV dad. Have you seen the show God's Favorite Idiot? No, I haven't. What is that? It's uh it's a Melissa McCarthy show on Netflix. Okay. It got one season, they never renewed it. It was, it was really funny. I love Melissa McCarthy. I think she's a natural treasure. Yeah. And I'll watch anything that she's in, I don't care what it is. Cool. But her kind of boyfriend on the on the show, his him and his dad have a really funny relationship. Like the they like to go in the sauna together, and the father keeps saying, like, talk about like having a pleasurable sauna or like pleasuring my pleasuring ourselves in the sauna. Like, and he just keeps saying like ridiculous things like that, not realizing how ridiculous it is. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, there's nothing really that like interesting about the father, but the way he, you know, the kind of even neglecting the ridiculous stuff about the sauna, there's something about the way that they wrote their relationship that it's just so clear how much this guy just like adores his kid. Yeah, yeah. Like it's not it's not even like the, you know, the no one knows this show, no one cares about this show. But there's something just really funny about their relationship, about how just like it's very clear how much he cares about him. And it just like, I don't know. I just I find it just uh really, really uh endearing. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. That's awesome. Not that memorable of a of a figure in the on the show, not even a major figure on the show, you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:50

No, but but you know what, with the time he gets on screen, clearly he does something we're like, oh that's fun. That's charming. Yeah. Yeah. And then okay, last thing for you is just like moment for self-promotion. So like Instagram, where do we find your music, all that stuff. You can also promote your other, like your main bands and not just your kids' band as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:08

Sure. Yeah. Well, I'll start with my kids' album. The album, the band is the project is called Dad Joke. The album is called Fun Intended. It comes out on June 12th. Uh, you can go to dad joke music.com. That's my website. Uh, there's also, I'm still putting up my bandcamp, which is going to be dad joke musicforkids.bandcamp.com. My YouTube, which is YouTube.com backslash, I think there's an at symbol, and then dad joke music for kids. Okay. And then Instagram.com slash, and then it's dad joke music for kids, but there's like an underscore between each word. Yeah.

unknown 1:01:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:39

And so the album will be, it'll be streaming on all the all the platforms, and you you can buy it on, I'll have it available for purchase on Bandcamp. Nice. My other, my other project, my band is called Paper Mice. You can find us on, I don't even know what our Instagram is. Uh you or on all the streaming platforms. Yeah. We're on 31G Records. You can find us at any of those places. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is there something else that you said?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:01

No, I think that was it. I just said promote, you know, like how can we find you on socials? Where are you? And everything. Yeah, I think you did it. You did you checked all the boxes.

unknown 1:02:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:09

Yeah. And I'm I think I'm there there should be some singles coming out soon for the album. Yeah. I think the first one's going to be called We've Got the Squiggles, which is going to be like a like a movement song that I I think I think I might have had like 50 to 75 different instruments on it when I when I did it. Like I went way overboard with that one. It should be really fun. And then I think the AI song might be the other one, but I'm not having decided yet.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:28

So that's awesome. Well, hey, David, I really appreciate your time. And um, thank you for discussing anxiety. Thank you for discussing mental health because I think every dad experiences it. And I also deeply believe that like you should talk about this stuff because it hopefully lets other men look up and be like, hey, how am I doing? How is my mental health? And then they learn to love themselves and people around them more. And I think that's really freaking important to talk about. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. It's been really, really great to talk to you. Yes, great talking to you as well. Um, I'll message you later just about life and stuff. So thanks for being a good hang. I really appreciate it. Yeah, take care. Thanks, you too. Thank you so much for listening to the episode. Make sure to follow us on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube at the Imperfect Dads Podcast. And make sure to give us five stars for every listen to us. Music, editing, and production is all done by me. Make sure to tune in on Mondays and most Thursdays for an episode. This podcast is part of the Never at Face Network. Make sure to go to NeverAffaced Network.com to learn more about 'em.