Episode 250 | Jonny Phillips Musician Limbeck, Podcast Host Breaking Down Addiction

On this episode we have on Jonny Phillips.
 
 Jonny has been the drummer for the band Limbeck for over 20 years, and currently works for National Addiction Specialists and hosts the podcast Breaking Down Addictions. 
 
 We talked about Jonny’s family wanting to move closer to water, being a fan of all Milwaukee teams, making sure he’s around for his family, playing shows and going out feels different when you have a kid, the daily rhythms he and his wife get to do with their kid, a love of golf, getting sober, what sobriety means to him, enjoying this phase of life, and how he started his podcast Breaking Down Addictions and the power of sharing your story.
 
 This is episode 250 for me! AND HOLY CRAP THAT’S COOL.
 
 I thought Jonny’s episode was a perfect example of what type of guests are on this podcast.  I talk to a lot of dads who are involved in music, recovery, and can’t believe they have a family and get to live the life they have.  So Jonny! Thanks for sharing your story, and thanks for being a good hang!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Welcome to the Imperfect Dance Podcast. This is your host, Devin. We believe dads care deeply about their family and kids, but they don't always have a space to discuss what their life looks like. Our podcast is a space for dads to discuss the ups and downs of fatherhood and how they feel like they're holding it together or how they're not. Thank you for joining us for this episode. This podcast is part of the Never A Face Network. Make sure to follow him on Instagram or go to the website neverface network.com. On this episode, we have on Johnny Phillips. Johnny has been the drummer for the band Limbeck for over 20 years and currently works for the National Addiction Specialist and hosts the podcast Breaking Down Addictions. I talked to Johnny about his family wanting to move closer to water, being a fan of all Milwaukee sports teams, making sure he's around physically for his family, playing shows and going out feels different when you have a kid, the daily rhythms him and his wife get to do with their kid, his love of golf, getting sober, what sobriety means to him, enjoying this phase of life, and how he started his podcast, Breaking Down Addictions and the power of sharing your story. This is episode 250 for me, and holy crap, that's pretty cool. I thought Johnny's episode was a perfect example of what type of guests are normally on this podcast. Talk to a lot of dads who are involved in music recovery and can't believe they have a family and get to live the life that they have. So, Johnny, thanks for sharing your story. Thanks for being in good hang. Just like one more thing. Oh, my bad. Hey, Johnny, welcome to an episode of the Imperfect Dats. I appreciate it. Thanks for having me, Devin. We were just talking about like uh just food, preferences, and stuff like that. One of my least favorite things about getting older is realizing foods and stuff you can no longer drink because your body just hates you every time you do it. Stevia gives me awful, awful headaches. So anytime I try to do like no sugar, no sweetener, stuff like that, it's almost always sweetened by stevia. And like, so I'm like at the grocery store, at like Whole Foods, and they're like, try this. And I'm like, does that have stevia? And they're like, I don't know if I have stevia. And I'm like, I'm gonna have a headache for the next two days if I have stevia. And then I'm like, I've now become that person. I'm the person reading the labels for stevia extract. So it's great. I love getting on.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

I don't like stevia. I just don't like the taste. Yeah. It doesn't give me a headache or anything. Yeah. My wife does stevia in her coffee every day.

unknown 2:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

You know, multiple times a day. And I've accidentally taken a sip of her coffee and I'm like, ugh. Just that artificial flavor. I don't really like it.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Yep. I'm just like, just give me the give me the regular sugar. Give me the just I'll take the diabetes that comes with it. Let's just do that instead. That's better for me.

SPEAKER_03 2:38

Yes. I'm trying to watch that these days. Really? Also, I like your Nashville Soccer Club drinking out there. Yes. Yes. We used to have, well, my wife used to have season tickets. I think she got in early, like right when Geodis was happening, and she got in early to the season tickets.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

They were club level, almost by the spirit section. Yeah. So it was very loud, but super cool. And we we got to the point once we had Carter, we just could go less and less. And we figured this is a big cost. And she, if we couldn't make the match, she would just resell them and typically get her money back, but sometimes lose money. Like, yeah, I don't know how much this makes sense anymore. So then now we just go whenever we can.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

Yep. That makes sense. It was my, I think by the time they had opened the stadium, I think it was 2022. So we had three kids, and my youngest was like one. So that was like my, I did a season ticket for three years, and one of my best friends from high school also did a season ticket, and they're next to each other. So that was my way to, and as a stay-at-home parent, that was my way to like get out of the house, be guaranteed I had an activity. Because as you know, you start to be like, I should see a friend. And then you're like, so in three months is whenever that's gonna happen. Unless you have like a standing thing you do every single day. My friends and I didn't have to schedule the hangout. It was like, hey, here's the next game. Can you make it? And that was about it.

SPEAKER_03 4:00

Perfect. Also, I am from Milwaukee, Wisconsin originally. So I'm a huge Wisconsin sports everything. Yeah. And uh Giannis, Nintendo Coempo from Milwaukee Bucks, I think he's a small share or part owner. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Yeah. Yeah. So we won't talk about the Pacers uh beating them in the postseason two years in a row or anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 4:22

Is that totally totally brutal? But we got our championship. You did 50 years later, of course, but Giannis and Co. made it happen. I lost my shit. Did you really? Full on. I watched every playoff game. It was super exciting. Cause I want to say it was like still not even a year into COVID at that point. And so I would I would have people over from work and we watch them and I'd cook out. And dude, it was so exciting. So exciting. And now we just need the Brewers to get a World Series.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

That's right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Have they ever won a World Series? We have not.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Okay. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

We're we're an expansion team.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

It was the uh the Milwaukee Braves. Okay. At the very beginning. And then now the Milwaukee Brewers. But we were in the series, I believe, versus if I remember correctly, uh, in 1982 versus the Cardinals. And we ended up losing. Okay. So the Cardinals have been uh a thorn in our side for many decades.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

Yes. I think they're a thorn in well, not lately. There's a good run where they were in like definitely the 2010s. I feel like they're a menace to everyone. It was either them or the San Francisco Giants, like every year making the World Series.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

Mm-hmm.

unknown 5:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:39

Yeah, but it's it's exciting right now. I mean, we're basically our record is second or third in all of baseball. To be this tiny small market team, we don't have the billions. And we did make the playoffs last year and the LA Dodgers swept us, which was super embarrassing, but still exciting nonetheless.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I think I digress. I think the Dodgers payroll is probably the entire GDP of the state of Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

So like there was a stat during during the during the playoffs, there was a stat that it was ridiculous. Like our basic, like our whole team is what the Dodgers front office makes or something.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

Correct, yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. No, listen, I'm I'm originally from Indiana, and I do think it's fascinating. I don't know if you relate to this, but like I love being from Indiana. I still support every Indiana sports team. Pacers, Colts, like everyone. I'm all in. But like I still have no desire to move back to Indiana. So it's funny to me to be like a massive fan of all the sports teams, but be like, would you ever live there? And I'm like, I'm good. So yeah. I've hold I've held on to the allegiance since I was like since 2006, I guess, is whenever I left Indiana. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

No, that's cool. Yeah. I I get it though. I you know, I lived in Wisconsin for 30, almost 36 years. And I love all the sports teams. I love it there. I just don't think I can move back now after moving to Nashville. And I don't know where my wife and baby will end up, but hopefully it's not Nashville forever. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

We we really want to live by the ocean.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

So yeah. What makes you like the ocean so much?

SPEAKER_03 7:15

Well, California in general, I've always wanted to live there since I was a little kid. Okay. You know, growing up, being a skateboard fan, and then turning in like when I was 13, got getting into punk rock and the the West Coast punk rock scene. And then now being in a band there for 21 years, I've never lived there. Okay, yeah. Which is interesting being in Limbeck for 21 years now. But we when we were a fully active touring band, we were touring, let's call it seven, eight months out of the year. Why live in California when you're not really there and pay California rent?

SPEAKER_00 7:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:55

But my wife is absolutely obsessed with obsessed with the ocean. She wants to wake up in the morning with a view to drink her coffee, stare at the ocean. She wants to swim, she wants to surf, she wants to swim. She's very much an ocean person. Like we've been to Hawaii a couple times before that's where we ended up getting married in Hawaii.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:14

So ultimately, I think California is really what makes sense for us. She's been in love with Hawaii for years. And but the healthcare system isn't great there. The school system isn't great.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

And she has been there and gotten island fever.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

No, what's wait, what's island fever? It sounds awful.

SPEAKER_03 8:34

So, you know, when you're in Hawaii, you you call the United States uh, you know, the mainland. Because you're that far, you're six hours away via flight. So you start you start getting this the symptoms of loneliness and you feel cramped, tunnel vision, you know, whatever it may be that affects you because you're on this tiny little remote island and you can't get anywhere else easily. It makes sense. Yeah. I I've only been there twice, so I didn't experience it. I don't think I could ever live there, but visiting is absolutely amazing.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

Yeah. Also, if you've toured with a band for 21 years, I would imagine you have some familiarity with like, Matt, this isn't home, but I'm here for now. So enjoy while I'm here.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

Right, right. And I I got to check out so many places that I've always been interested in, but my mind always goes back to California. I like the lifestyle there. They're just they're ahead of the curve at California and New York. I mean, Tennessee is a great place to raise a family. Absolutely. The school systems here are absolutely amazing. Williamson County is like the the third top school systems in the nation. And that's that's where my wife grew up in Broadwood.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:45

So she's from that area.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

She knows, but I think at some point we're just gonna have to spread our wings and fly.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

Yep. Yep. What's uh okay, so why we are able to do the move is because my wife works remotely, has worked remotely for like a decade now, and I've been the primary parent since 2019 or so. So for us to move, it wasn't like uh let's find a job first or anything like that. It was like our choice, which is also an interesting thing to be like, hey, let's uproot our life and leave because we want this. Like you ask yourself for years, like, do we, do we really? Like, this is a lot. Like, should we do that? So, why do you feel like, as of right now, why do you feel like you guys are still sticking around as opposed to, you know, maybe chasing that dream or seeing what comes with it?

SPEAKER_03 10:26

It's typically, and uh it's not really work because I work in in recovery, I help people get off of drugs and alcohol. That work could be done in any city, any state, any country. Yes, it's it's addiction is something that affects everybody everywhere. So, and then my my wife is a real estate developer, so she could do that anywhere as well. Okay. So her parents are here. My mom moved here from Wisconsin three years ago. So it's really like we're here for our parents, and my job is great, actually. I I don't ever want to lose my job.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:04

So it's it's just kind of like not like we want something to happen to our parents at all either. But it's all kind of a glue that's holding us here. Yeah. And being here is not terrible.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

No, it's not. It's not at all.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

Yeah. The summers are brutal.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

They are brutal. It is. And it's the mosquitoes, the humidity you try to go outside. I will give Nashville a lot of credit for. They have really upped their playground game. Like they've been doing new playgrounds, replacing playgrounds, like over the past four years, where like the playgrounds now there are like brand new, they've been refreshed and like are awesome.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

We've we're finding that. So we have we have a playground in our neighborhood. This is just like a three-minute walk. But we actually went to a few different ones lately, and we like that there's so many different options around here. And then she gets to play with other kids. We want that experience. But also, we played golf on Saturday, and it said it was like 85 degrees or something like that, but the humidity was 76%. God so it wasn't even it wasn't even June. And it said it felt like almost 90. Yeah. And uh man, I I would love a change at some point.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

I so part of us moving out here in so we moved out here in 2024. In 2023, we spent a month out here, just renting an Airbnb to be like, all right, are we talking this up too much? Do we actually like this? Like, how's this gonna work out? And like, I don't think we sweat for the entire month we are out here. And like driving back, we stopped in St. Louis and like went to the zoo because the zoo in St. Louis is awesome. And like just parked in the car and walking to the entrance of the zoo, I feel like I needed to change my shirt. Just like being back in humidity, all the back sweat, oh like that. Did I even put on deodorant today feelings? And I'm just like, oh, oh, if I didn't have to do, oh, that'd be really nice. Like it's very natural. If you spent much time in California, I'm sure it's the same. But like, it's just easy to be outside. You don't even you're outside and you don't even think about it. Where like in the South or Midwest, you're outside and you're just like, oh my god, how do I get inside? This is so sticky, it's so much.

SPEAKER_03 13:07

Totally. Hey, uh, by the way, how was the altitude adjustment for y'all when you moved?

SPEAKER_02 13:13

I I feel like it was good. I feel like our kids adjusted well, but I genuinely don't know. And the few times we've like gone out of state and come back, I don't I feel like you just drink more water and just get know it might be there and take it seriously, you know?

SPEAKER_03 13:27

So well, I have gotten altitude sickness before. I think part of it might have been attributed to drinking alcohol as well, which I haven't done in 14 years. Nice, but I've been back in the mountains since then. Thank you. I've been I've been in the mountains since then. It's really like flag staff. I want to say that's more at like 8,500 feet. Yeah, that's I remember playing a show there and I I was struggling.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

Yeah. Yep. Well, even like Red Rocks, so where I'm at is like 5400 is kind of like pretty much where Elder Evasion is. And I know if you actually go to Red Rocks, it's at 6200 or 6400. So like it's a legitimate increase. And like even I living out here full time, like walking up the hill to get or walking up the steps of Red Rocks, is like, holy shit, this is a lot. So, like, no matter what, it's still if you go up to like Breckenridge or Frisco area, that's still like 9,000 feet above sea level. So, like, it's like that level, yeah. Man, you feel that. That's intense.

SPEAKER_03 14:26

Okay. Well, I'm glad it didn't affect you guys very much.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

Not that I know of, or I just ignored it. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you do you still do you still play in Limbeck? Are you uh are you still part of the band?

SPEAKER_03 14:40

I am, yeah. So which is a little confusing because they just did some shows at the format and they were all acoustic.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

But the format having them on as openers, they requested that they were acoustic.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

It's less harsher sound for the audience. Yeah, you know, they could save their ears, less gear to to deal with on the stage, change over. Yeah. So I I want to say it was nine or ten dates, all acoustic. And then Rob is on tour right now doing an acoustic tour. I think he has something like nine or ten dates again. Nice, yeah. So he's a touring machine. We haven't played a full band show since last May. So it's been over a year.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

Yeah. You were, just so you know, in Denver, you were replaced with a drum machine for like two or three songs. So I'm you were replaced by a machine, and uh, it's you know, I AI comes for everyone, apparently. So I'm really sorry that that happened to you.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

Oh, when I saw clips of them using it, I'm like, that's kind of fun. They added a little bit of different elements to make the acoustic set a little more interesting. Yeah. And Pat and Rob, when they took the tour, they felt so bad too. Yeah. We have a group thread and we text pretty much every day in it. Okay. Still. And it was something effect of like, hey, the format offered us these shows. It's only acoustic. Do you guys mind? And Justin and I were like, dude, yeah, go do that. Like, go live your life and have fun with your friends. And uh at some point, if you want to play some shows with us, we're we're here. Yes. But you know, at the same time, Carter's only two and a half.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

And I'm I'm grinding pretty hard at work. So I don't know if we would have gotten offered full band nine, 10 dates with travel times and practice. I don't know if I would have been able to swing it anyways.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 16:28

To be honest.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

Yeah. How do you how do you feel about that? Are you comfortable with that? Because like, I mean, like opening for I mean, not opening a tour for like the format or a band of that level is that's a pretty sweet opportunity. Are you now more in a place where you're like, you know what? Being around for the career and the family is kind of kind of cool to keep the steadiness.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

I like having a steady paycheck and having a job that appreciates me and me appreciate my job. And I love being here for my wife and kid. I think I'm always going to be like this now. And let's say we do get a five-date tour. Yeah, I'll I'll take it, we'll do it, but I'm gonna figure out ways to bring my wife and my kid with.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

And I'm gonna figure out how to finagle some PTO.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

I just think that my family and work, my stability right now is more important than anything. I mean, if Limbeck had this huge popularity, I think it might be a little bit different. Maybe I would try to put more shows at the forefront, but it's it's certainly not paying any of the bills.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

Yeah. At this point, and also I always feel like this is like weirdly understated, but like you've been in that band for like 21 years. So like you've you've put in your time. Like I talked to um Josh Fiedler, who was in the Juliana theory and he's now doing some solo stuff. And he was like, Yeah, around seven years we decided I'll split ways and you know, like start families and all that. And I was like, Yeah, you just worked a job for seven years. Like you just worked, like, that's a lot of time to put into something. So, yeah, absolutely. If you're like, now I've done this for 21 years, like this this other stuff is a little bit more important to me these days. It's like, yeah, man, you made that probably one of your main focuses for almost two decades. Like, it's not, it's okay if you put your focus on your family and your career because it's steady, it's predictable, and it creates a healthier version of yourself.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Right. And for your kid too. Yeah, that too. What my wife reads all these studies on what you could do to to help your kid grow and also just have her have safety. And yes, I think about those things, but my wife reads so much. She's reading some study that said, I think until the baby is until your toddler's three, I want to say like the most time that you should spend away from your baby is three days at a time. Uh, because their emotional state, uh, the way that they can grow and learn, all of that, I think it's curved. So I hear. So I don't want to play with it either. Like I don't want to experiment. Right now, we have a solid family unit. I'm I'm keeping it this way. And I think Limbeck is already talking about we've been working on this new record for let's call it, let's call it five years. We've been writing songs and loosely recording like at a snail's pace.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:08

And this year we're gonna finish recording everything. We made a goal. It does, it doesn't mean 100% that we're gonna finish recording everything this year, but maybe it'll be pretty close. I think it's a good goal to shoot for.

SPEAKER_04 19:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:19

And I think next year we can have the album come out and then maybe play some shows, but maybe do weekends, do fly-in weekends here and there. So man, I'm I'm super down with that, and that would be easy. And then Danielle and Carter can come with me too.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

Yeah. I I think wherever we go. One thing I didn't realize whenever it became apparent, because I never thought about it as a child, is that your parents' physical presence can help you regulate yourself. Is not something that was ever, I didn't know that existed until having until having a kid. And then yeah, finding the studies, finding all stuff of like your physical presence matters. And like, oh, I never like I'm sure that's what I felt whenever I was a kid of like if my parents are around it, I physically feel different because of it in a positive way. But like, I my brain had never conceptualized that like my physical presence would make someone regulate themselves better. It was like was a whole identity that I did not even know I needed to explore or realize was like a positive thing I could bring to the table.

SPEAKER_03 20:16

Yeah, wow. Well, I mean, thinking about that, I I would I also don't want to miss anything.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Yeah, that too.

SPEAKER_03 20:24

You know, like let's say I leave for nine days plus practice. So let's say like 12 days and travel. Say I leave for 12 days and Carter says something that she hasn't said before, and I just have to hear about it from a wife. Yeah, I would want to be there.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

So like my wife and I are such a unified unit that we pick up Carter every day from school. Sometimes if if Danielle's cooking dinner, then I'll go get Carter and then the dinner will be done when we come home. But we hang out with her every night, no matter what. If there's a concert happening in town on a Wednesday, Thursday, whatever it is, we're not gonna go to that concert. Um, it's like I would say one event every three months. Maybe Danielle will go to something. Yeah. Real estate networking or something that she can't miss. But we don't, we don't miss any time with Carter at night during the week. Yeah. It's like non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_02 21:20

Do you consider yourself more of an extrovert or an introvert?

SPEAKER_03 21:24

Extroverted times like a hundred.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

Okay. How do you feel like you've learned how to be as an extrovert? How have you learned how to be okay with like the quieter moments of life and missing out on like the big exciting things in life? How do you feel like you're dealing with that so far?

SPEAKER_03 21:38

When I was growing up, I always wanted kids.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

I, you know, when I was drinking, I wasn't ready to be a dad. So once I got sober, went back to college, moved down here, met my wife. I was like, okay, boom, we're having we're we're having a baby. Yeah, yeah. And it happened. We did it. And all those years, I was. Like when I have a baby, I'm going to slow down and try to enjoy the moments. And so I'm I'm sticking with that absolutely. My dad worked a lot when I grew up. I mean, he he was at work all the time. Yeah. Like he would work 70, 80 hours a week. And uh I missed a lot of time with my dad, and he missed a lot of time with me. I don't want that to happen.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 22:22

And also, so he he he tried to work so hard to create a really good life for us, a comfortable life. And then he ended up getting sick with cancer at 62 and he died at 63. So he busted his ass. Thank you so much. He busted his ass so hard to create this great life for us that he missed all these moments. And to try to create this nest egg for him to hopefully have old age didn't happen. So I don't I also don't want to live like that either.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

No, and I I've heard of that happening of like C-suite level people, people who work the highest level at positions at big corporations and everything, and they go to retire, yeah, 62, 63, and they find out they have cancer of some sort. Or there's something like that. And the time they thought they were gonna spend is isn't there. Their runway's gone, and it just for so many reasons just hurts. It hurts to hear about that. I mean, I for your dad's sake, honestly, I'm sorry that that was his reality because some part of me believe some part of me wants to believe if you work for something, you should be able to enjoy what you worked for, and that's not always reality, and it it fucking sucks.

SPEAKER_03 23:28

Totally, totally. And don't get me wrong though, Devin, we try to we try to get out whenever we can. Yeah, of course. Like we'll we we really like to live a life of going out for a fancy dinner and dressing up. We love to take little vacations. We do still go to shows. I love going to the movies, which my wife could kind of take it or leave it, but we'll find something interesting. And just getting out to a movie theater and chilling out and eating popcorn, yeah, that is like so my wheelhouse.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Okay. So, like, since we both have made birthdays, for my birthday, what I did with the family, and it was also on Mother's Day, was I was like, let's just go to a movie and like watch a movie and eat popcorn in a movie because that'll make three kids really happy. We went to see the new Super Mario Brothers. So like I don't, I don't hate this content. Like, that's that's solid. But like, my whenever I go to a movie theater, I'm more like, how does this movie make the whole family happy? And what's that? I'm not so much like, what's this movie going to express that I don't know how to express on my own? Or like 20-year-old me, 18-year-old me was like, I have to see every Wes Anderson film in theaters or else I'm not living my true self. That version of me doesn't exist anymore. Things change, right? Yeah, they do.

SPEAKER_03 24:39

Yeah, you're a different person, Devin.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

Yeah, luckily.

SPEAKER_03 24:42

What is a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

It is. What when you go to when you go to movies, like what movie are you hoping to see? Or what style of movie are you hoping to see?

SPEAKER_03 24:51

I love horror movies. Really? Like a lot.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

I I grew up, I grew up watching horror movies, and my wife likes scary movies, you know, not like actual like jump scares, like really gruesome stuff. More suspense.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:07

Um, but we did go see Devil Wears Prada 2 last, uh, not last weekend, but the weekend before. Nice. Um, because I was still recovering from not feeling very well, but we wanted to get out of the house.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

So we're we're really good at getting out of the house when we want. Like, okay, we're gonna go out to dinner, but we we also try to play golf every weekend.

SPEAKER_02 25:25

Okay, cool. Where do you go to the golf?

SPEAKER_03 25:27

And you do get paired.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Yeah, I was gonna say, where do you go to play golf? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:31

Typically lately, we've been going to Hermitage golf course. Do you play?

SPEAKER_02 25:37

No, I respect it. It is surprisingly athletic to be able to play golf and to do it well. It is surprisingly athletic. It works, it works muscles. I don't even know how to work out in the gym. So, like, I respect it. And if it's on a I feel the same way about tennis. I really respect it. I think it's a lot of athleticism that I do not possess, but I've I don't plan my day around.

SPEAKER_03 25:55

I get it. Well, so I've always liked hitting a golf ball. You know, I would hit the range with my dad. I never really learned how to play 18 holes and have a strategy. And I think I played maybe 18 holes once in my entire life. Yeah. My wife grew up on a golf course and she was on the high school golf team. And so she's been playing all her life. Her parents have they're avid golfers and they've been playing for a very long time. Yeah. And they always have a house on a golf course, it seems. That's cool. And she took me out to Shelby golf course in East Nashville, maybe like three and a half years ago, three, three and a half years ago. And I was like, I'd love to go. And so I just I borrowed clubs and went. We had so much fun. Yeah. We got paired with two random people, and you get to talk with them and figure out their story.

SPEAKER_04 26:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

And I always thought that most golfers are douchebags. Like, that's kind of what I've I guess my mentality was about it. But we've been paired with so many random people, and now we're friends with some of these random people we've been paired with.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

And one of them was even at our wedding reception, one we just saw last weekend. So it's like it's a very social sport. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

Actually. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:09

Yeah. And it's something that we can share together. Yeah. It's to where when we do it when we have a sitter, obviously. And um, so we know that Carter's home safe and having a good time playing. So we get to kind of shut off our minds for three, four hours. And we're outside. It's physical. I've actually lost weight since starting to play a lot of golf. Nice. I feel physically better than I did before golf. Granted, I did pull a muscle a couple weeks ago in my back, and it's not great. But uh, but yeah, like that whole week and a half that I was sick, we didn't play at all, and I was super bummed. So you get really addicted really fast to playing golf.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

What I'm mostly hearing here is I'm really happy that you've been able to find an activity you can do with your wife that like you both that's a connecting thing for you. Because that's awesome. That you guys can go spend, I'm assuming, like two to three hours on the golf course or something like that, and like do it together. Because most of the time, whenever I think of golf, it's thinking of like, all right, the man goes on a Saturday morning, comes back hung over at like 3 p.m. in the afternoon after being the sun all day. Maybe by Sunday, tomorrow afternoon, he'll be back, he'll be able to like help out around the house. So like be useful. It'd be useful in any way. So, like, if you can make it a thing in which your kid gets time with the sitter, you guys, it's a day-long date for you guys almost. Like, that's so cool. That makes me very happy for you in your relationship.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

Thank you. Man, I love it. And she for my birthday, she just bought me new irons.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

Nice.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

So it's it's like we buy each other clubs as presents now. And uh also her her parents own a house in Florida and they kind of snowbird.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

So when they're not when they're not in Florida, we typically stay at their house. Okay, and they have a golf cart in their garage and we can use their clubs. So even when we travel and go to Florida, we go play. And then typically those courses are on the water.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:02

So you're playing like three holes, you're fucking looking at the ocean. It's not like this is so cool.

SPEAKER_02 29:08

Yeah. I branded hot. Yeah, I've thought casually about wanting to get into it out here just because your backdrop is the mountains. Like I'll drive by golf courses, in which the backdrop is mountains. And I'm like, so you guys are just outside for a couple hours hanging out and like looking at mountains while you do an activity. I get that. I get that. I get that. I get that. That's not bad. That's not bad.

SPEAKER_03 29:30

Well, if you ever get into it and you start playing in Denver, I will come for like a couple days and we will play golf and we'll have so much fun.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

We will.

SPEAKER_03 29:41

But no pressure.

unknown 29:44

None.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

No pressure. None whatsoever. None whatsoever. I mean, listen, schedules are busy, life is busy. How's it? Okay, I also feel like part of being on a golf course is drinking, usually. And I know you just said you've been sober for 14 years, you work with addiction people. Addiction is part of your job. How do you and your wife like what do you replace it with? If you aren't drinking on the golf course, like what do you do instead? Because that I that's a very big part of golfing in my mind.

SPEAKER_03 30:09

A lot of diet coke. Okay. Coke zero, diet coke. Uh we we, of course, I'm drinking an L8 that's zero sugar.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:19

We try to watch our sugar intake, so it's usually like the the power aid zero. Yeah. A lot of that. But then if it's hot, you drink so much water. I mean, you're drinking if you're out there for three or four hours and it's 90 plus degrees, you're drinking a lot of water. Yeah. But also coffee. Like coffee's also a very big golf thing. Okay. Cool.

unknown 30:42

Cool.

SPEAKER_03 30:42

Have you But I'm I'm glad you asked.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

Well, because it it's whenever you get sober, which I I don't drink a ton. I'll have like maybe one or two drinks in a month or something like that. So like if I go to a concert or something, like I'm more like the Boulder Theater up in Boulder, Colorado has kombucha on tap. And like I'm much more excited about that than getting a cocktail or something. And I'm like, all right, man, almost 40. Here we are. This is who you are now, man.

SPEAKER_03 31:08

So where I go get my hair cut is at on Gallatin, uh, Scouts. Oh yeah. In East Nashville. They have kombucha on tap there. And so I was like, my the guy that does my hair, Victor. I wouldn't go to anybody else. But let's say he stops cutting hair, I would still go there because they have the kombucha on tap. Dude, any bar or anything that has kombucha on tap, all other bars in the world, take notice, man. It's good. Because it's awesome. It is. And also you have this drink that kind of looks like a beer. And if there's anybody that looks at you weird or is questioning why aren't you drinking or something like that, which I never worry about those pressures anyway. But if somebody does, then you have this thing that looks like a beer in your hand as well.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

Yep. You do.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

But you're right though. Golf is very heavy on the drinking. Like if you play a golf scramble, typically it's like it revolves around drinking the entire day. Yep. You're right.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

Yeah. Since you've been sober for 14 years, you already said that like getting off the road, getting sober, going back to school has made you feel like you're ready to become a dad a little bit more. What do you feel like sobriety, like how much does sobriety mean to you now that you are a father? Like, how do you do you view sobriety different now that you are a dad and you have a kid to take care of?

SPEAKER_03 32:21

So it seems like every year or every couple years, my recovery changes. I have to, I have to do different things.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:31

Crazy things happen in your life. Like when my dad died, I had to look for more community. And then a year and a half later, COVID happened. So, you know, they always say in recovery, addiction is the opposite of connection. Which it totally makes sense. You know, if you're addicted, you isolate, you push people away. Otherwise, you're if you have somebody with healthy boundaries in your life and you're in deepen addiction, hopefully they hold those boundaries and they push you away because they don't want to enable you. My life has changed every year, two years, three years, whatever it is. I've had to find new things to keep myself preoccupied, happy, creative, growing. So it's like if you keep doing the same thing, you're gonna get the same results. So let's say if I do the same thing in recovery for seven years and I'm just miserable, you have to go back to the drawing board and be like, what am I missing here? What am I doing wrong? So when I met my wife, I was like, man, this is so exciting. I think I found somebody and I found a partner that I can have a baby with. And then when we had a child, I'm like, this is exactly why I got sober. If I never got sober, I would have never met my wife. I would have never had Carter.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:45

So I show up for them in such a different way than I have ever shown up for my mom, my dad, my sister, my friends. It's it's something totally otherworldly. And I'm sure that you can you can understand that. It's like I don't spend money on stupid shit anymore. I used to like obsessively buy records. Of course, I buy a lot of clothes and I play golf now.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:09

But you know, it's like you start thinking about like, okay, how can I save so I can have a very not cushion-y life, but how how can I save that I can have a life that I can share with my kid and my wife, and especially if I get blessed with old age, and be able to go on whatever vacation we want, be able to get my daughter whatever she wants. Like if she says, Hey dad, I want a Ferrari, it's like I want to be able to try to make that happen.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

You know, like I can I want to get my daughter anything that she asks for.

SPEAKER_00 34:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

But my my long-winded answer here is none of the I wouldn't be here talking to you right now if I were still drinking. And even the last time I went to treatment, uh, I was so bad that I had hepatitis of the liver. And I was just two days into being, I was two days into being 33. So essentially I was 32 years old with hepatitis of the liver. And my doctor told me that if I left treatment and started drinking like that again, that I would have not seen 40. So here I am at 47, yeah, married with a baby and this super awesome career.

SPEAKER_00 35:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:18

Everything has happened because I stopped drinking.

SPEAKER_02 35:20

Yeah. That's cool. Also, I really respect and appreciate your honesty and admitting that like is different every year. Because I think it is easy to assume like you got sober, you just stay sober. And it's like, no, you have to do daily work, it's daily decisions that keep you sober. And it does change every day, sometimes every hour, just depending on what life is throwing at you.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

Right. I remember this is maybe five, six years ago. So I am at that point eight, nine years sober. I was at a meeting, an AA meeting, and I remember I started having these feelings of like, man, I really don't like myself. I don't like the way I look, I don't like the way I feel. And I've been sober for eight or nine years at that point. And I'm just like, okay, what am I doing wrong?

SPEAKER_00 36:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

I want to start eating better. I want to start exercising. I want to be in a relationship that's healthy for me because I was in a terrible relationship at the time.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:14

You have to step back and make changes. And the best suggestion that I've had recently is that if in your recovery and you're not happy and you're not growing, you have to you have to change things up and you have to make it fun. Like, why live your life miserable, sober?

SPEAKER_00 36:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:31

It's dude, you're living the most healthy, awesome life, and you remember everything that's happening around you, and you're creating core memories like every other day.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

And you're being your best self.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

No, it's awesome. I am. It's um, I always think of the Jason Isbull lyric of like, it gets easy, but it doesn't get easier, as like one of my favorite lyrics ever to describe. Like, okay, okay, I'm unhappy. I'm I'm not growing, I'm not changing. Cool. The easy solution is to go figure out the how to do that more. But that's not easy to do. So it's like these really simple solutions to the most complex problems you can possibly have.

SPEAKER_03 37:06

Right. What song is that for him?

SPEAKER_02 37:08

That is it gets easier. I think it's like the second to last song on reunions. I will text it to you.

SPEAKER_03 37:13

Okay. So let me I really, I really only know um the this the first sober album. What was Southeastern? Southern Southeastern, yeah, yeah. Like the song Elephant. It's fucking brutal. Yeah. So I I never I never knew his stuff really. I knew that he was with the drive-thru truckers and then got sober. But yeah, that that record's really good. Lyrically, it's like super intense.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

Yep. Also, this is an extreme parent move right now. I literally just texted you the song on Spotify because I know if I don't do it in this exact moment, I won't do it for like two weeks.

SPEAKER_03 37:52

Good on you, mid-episode, dude. Mid-episode.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

Sometimes. Yeah. I do want to, before we like wrap up and ask you like five fun questions in another episode, I do want to ask you about like your podcast that you're doing, because I know that's involved with your job and your career and everything. And you're sharing stories of people who have gotten sober and what their experience has been like. And I all those stories I think are beautiful and very much worth sharing.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

Thank you. Yeah, the podcast is called Breaking Down Addiction. And I started it through my job, which my work is called National Addiction Specialists. So they basically wanted a podcast to have people on to talk about recovery and addiction. And so they just told me they're like, hey, start a podcast. You can call it whatever you want. You can have whatever guests you want. And they gave me a bunch of money to build a room there. It works. So I was just like, I'm gonna take the ball and run with it. And I never wanted to start a podcast and be a host, but I kind of was like, I could figure this out. And so here we are. I think we have 16 episodes out and we have almost 30 recorded.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

Nice.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

And we don't have any plans stopping. We've got about a thousand YouTube subscribers at this point. Nice. And so it's it keeps growing and it just started.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:00

So we but what we're doing is we're having people on that are in long-term recovery and talking about their story of experience, strength, and hope. And they basically talk about how they started using, why, when they got sober, what tools are working for them today, how did their recovery ebb and flow? And then also how they help people today. Because it's always of being service and helping another alcoholic or addict. And I've been just so blessed to have this show where I get to talk to these amazing people and have them trust me with their story. And I've had multiple episodes already where I'm just like, I'm crying in the middle of episode because they're just pouring their heart out. Yeah. And then I get to interject and kind of tell a little bit of my story here and there, which is really fun too. And they'll or they'll ask me questions about my recovery. But we're eventually, we want to try to have people that are therapists, doctors. We want to talk about all aspects. So even if somebody's not in recovery and they have experience as a family member, or they work in treatment, or they've helped somebody once in their life, whatever they want to talk about, addiction recovery-wise, we we want to talk about it. Yeah. What is your favorite, let's say, kids learning special or songs to dance to? Like what's blown your mind?

SPEAKER_02 40:22

Yeah. I mean, Danny Go is working really well with my kids right now. Even my like eight-year-old will dance to them. And I think they've got a really good blend of um imagination and activity to it. That's really it's I think kids' music is actually extremely hard in my mind because you have to simplify it and somehow not make it overly repetitive or boring at the same time. And that's gotta be so freaking hard to do. Because like there's a definite format. Like, if I listen to a Danny Ghost song, I know, I know like the story arc of what like the song will be, but it's never that boring. I feel like he puts enough twists on it where it like keeps your kid entertained the entire time. And that is such a fascinating skill set to have that I I do not. Yeah, I talked to a guy, his name is Mr. Jeff, or he's like goes by the name of like Mr. Jeff is fun, he does kids' music, and he was like, Okay, for this part of the song, I'm gonna do motor skills. I'm gonna do like wave your hands, you know, like do like I'm gonna focus on find motor skills for this verse. And then the next verse, I'm gonna focus focus on like your mental health basically like how are you feeling? And I'm like, yeah, I've never actually thought of like the story arc of kids. Oh, interesting. I guess for some of you, you guys, you are doing very intentional, like, okay, this we're gonna work focus on working your legs. Next one, I'm gonna have you focus on working your arms. Next verse is gonna be like head movement and neck movement. And I'm like, that's actually really cool. If I break it down into that structure, this music is much easier for me to listen to because I'm aware of what you're actually doing.

SPEAKER_03 41:44

Totally. No, I'm I'm man, I'm so stoked on everything that my kid has to learn from because it's exciting. Have you heard Lori Berkner? I know who she is.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

I haven't listened to her a lot yet.

SPEAKER_03 41:57

She's she's like one of my I mean, she covers nursery rhymes sometimes, but she writes her own kid songs, and she's kind of like the pinnacle of the kids' songs for me. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

Have you listened to? Do you know who Justin Roberts is for kids' music? Okay, so Justin Roberts is based out of Chicago area. He's awesome. Um he the way I've described him before, he's genuinely like a really good musician, acoustic driven with really good instrumentation around him and everything. Justin Roberts is fantastic. Um, another one, I'll just send you later, like the playlist I made for kids' music, is uh Jim Roach. So Jim Roach was it's this really ridiculous story of he has been in a band like writing music for, he's a producer who lives down in Franklin or Brentwatt area. He was has been in a band writing music for, they're called Ninja Sex Party. They're this ridiculous like joke band. His buddy Brian lives out in LA. They have a kid's band called Go Banana Go, where they've done an album with Flew LeBorg. If you know who Flew LeBorg is. No. He's a German um comedian and he's just ridiculous. Like he's been on Conan a lot. He's very like ridiculous and full of nonsense. Um, but I like their music a lot. But they also do a lot of like um they have this one called song called Petting Zoo, where it's like Brian's daughter being like, Can I pet the duh? Can I pet the meh? And like filling in the blank for the animal. And there's like, yes, you're at a petting zoo. And then the last verse is her being like, the the last verse is can I pet the lion? And it's like, no. So it's like two verses of can I pet this? Can I pet this? And him just like ex as the song goes on getting more and more exasperated, be like, Yeah, of course, we're at a freaking petting zoo. And then the last line is can I pet the lion? He's like, no, and he was like, so it's they they play very well in those songs.

SPEAKER_03 43:40

So I can't wait to hear it.

SPEAKER_02 43:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 43:43

Wow, that sounds amazing.

SPEAKER_02 43:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 43:45

Man, just the amount of content that's on the internet now for kids, the the good stuff is unbelievable.

SPEAKER_02 43:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

Tools for them to learn.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

Yeah, is awesome and fantastic. Do you know who like have you ever heard of Mega Ran? Megaran's a guy out of he's from Philly but now lives in uh Arizona. He does like rap music for kids. That's like very self-affirming and like fantastic. He's a foster dad. He he was a foster parent and then adopted his son. So he's a dad through that method, which is also awesome. Did you ever listen to Super Cool? Do you know who the Terrible Twos are? Did you ever are you familiar with the Terrible Twos? No. Do you know Matt Pryor from the Get Up Kids? Yeah, yeah, of course. It's his kids' band that he did in the early aughts. Oh, that's cool. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 44:31

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 44:32

So that one's awesome. Um you're schooling me right now, Debbie. Listen, man, you came to the if you're want to discuss kids' music, that you're kind of like, I actually get this. This is actually like pretty solid. Like Justin Roberts is a gymly good. The Okie dokie brothers is like folk music. Like they one of the things.

SPEAKER_03 44:50

I've heard that.

SPEAKER_02 44:51

They're really good. They're really good.

SPEAKER_03 44:53

When I listen to Lori Berkner in the car with Carter, like after a Lori Berkner song, that will come on. I can't wait till Carter's musical taste grows beyond um wheels on the bus.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:05

Because she what I'll pick her up from school, she'll get in the car, and my radio will turn on. I always try to have it off because as soon as she hears it, she'll ask for a bus. Yep. And so like we'll get in the car every time. Bus. I'm on bus. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:20

Yeah. I don't change. I don't, I don't. While I love the simplicity of childhood, I do not miss that level of simplicity.

SPEAKER_03 45:28

Yeah. And it is fun too. She's been singing the ABCs and she's also been singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:36

And that part where she where it goes up above the world so high. She always says, Bop, bop, bop, the world so high. Just little things like that that kids do. It's so sweet. It's just so amazing. Like, what if I was on tour for two weeks and I missed that?

SPEAKER_02 45:51

Yeah, I know. Yep. My son, I I love like the things your kids call stuff where it's not the name, but they've heard you say it, so I think that's what the name is. So like I think there's one time he was like, Hey Doug, can you help me? Or he's like, Oh, can you play with me? Can you just like, yeah, let me finish up what I'm doing on my computer real quick. And now he calls any computer my computer. Because I said a couple of times, like, yeah, let me just finish up on my computer real quick, then I'll come to you. And he was like, Yeah, that's so I was like, Oh, you're you're on my computer. And I'm like, I'm not, I'm not gonna change this because it's so freaking adorable. But it's not a computer because I must have said, like, yeah, man, let me just grab my computer real quick. Yeah, let me grab did it a computer. So it is, I've never said computer without saying my in front of it. So like he's just made the assumption that that's what it's called, and that's pretty freaking cute.

SPEAKER_03 46:41

It just melted my heart. So cute. It is the best.

SPEAKER_02 46:44

They are the best. Johnny, how I finish every episode is ask every guest a series of five questions. Um, let's go. You got you got time to think about it. It's not rapid, so you're good. First, first question is Did you have any backup names for your for your daughter? Is there anything you almost named her?

SPEAKER_03 47:02

Yeah. Yeah, we really liked the name Fleur. F-L-E-U-R, Flower. Yeah. And but then we just thought it would throw so many people off.

SPEAKER_00 47:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Like we would say, her name's Fleur, and then we'd have to say it like three more times. We also we liked Carter right off the bat, so we didn't know if we were at right when we knew we were pregnant, we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. We we we said Carter. We're like, man, if it's a girl or a boy, we're good. We would like Carter. But we did like it more as a girl's name. But I think Fluor and Carter were the the two front runners. It's also a character from some show that my wife was watching. Shit, I can't remember. It was a Netflix show. But yeah, Fleur was one of the characters, and that's where she kept hearing it in the show, and she's like, oh, it's really sweet.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

It is a really pretty name, but it is giving your child a lifetime of people being like, Floor? And you're like, no, fleur. Floor? No, fleur. And you're like, I can't. Why did I do this to my kid?

SPEAKER_03 48:01

Daniel's dad, Carter's grandpa, he when when they came into the hospital the second day after we had her, Carter was making these little birdie noises, like little chirp noises. Yeah. And she's just a day old.

SPEAKER_00 48:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:15

And he was like, chirp. He goes, we should call her chirp. And her initials are C C R P. Okay. So chirp. And Danielle's like, I really like that. And I was, I was like, it took me a second, but I'm like, yeah, that's kind of cute.

SPEAKER_02 48:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:32

And then for a while, we all called her chirpy.

SPEAKER_02 48:34

Okay. Or Chirpy. I thought you meant as like her legal name, not as a nickname.

SPEAKER_03 48:39

No, no, no, no. As a name as a nickname.

SPEAKER_02 48:42

Don't do that to your kid.

SPEAKER_03 48:45

We were also thinking about Apple or blankets.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Yeah, yeah. There you go. It's like, does she have something to say? Is she gonna chirp in here? It's like, yeah, okay, cool. That's gonna be her entire life.

SPEAKER_03 48:55

I should have noted that it was it was a nickname.

SPEAKER_02 48:58

Okay, that's good. That's just listen, for a second there, I thought you were saying, like, you know what, forget Carter, forget Fleur. Let's do chirp. And I'm like, I try not to be judgmental on this podcast, but I'm judging that as of that's the legal first name.

SPEAKER_03 49:10

Well, here we are. We're we're back at we're back in square one. We're good.

SPEAKER_02 49:13

That's right. That's right. Okay. Second question. Do you have a favorite TV or movie dad? Or one that comes to mind whenever I asked that question.

SPEAKER_03 49:20

This is not my favorite movie, dad, because he's a great parent. But uh Jack Arnold from The Wonder Years.

unknown 49:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

Did you ever watch The Wonder Years? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:30

Uh Jack Arnold, the dad. I just thought he was so epic, man. Yeah. He's hilarious. Uh, there's that one episode where um his wife gets into uh pottery making and sculpture making, and she makes an ashtray that looks like it can hold like a hundred cigarettes.

SPEAKER_02 49:46

Do you remember that episode? I vaguely, I watched it whenever I was really young. So I have like some memory flash doesn't come with it, but not a lot.

SPEAKER_03 49:53

Yeah, it's it's it's referencing that why like housewives in the 60s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, whatever, they're bored and they wanted to try to make purpose for themselves.

SPEAKER_04 50:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 50:03

And so she's trying to create and be artistic, but really it leads her to not get groceries and they're out of Pepsi.

SPEAKER_04 50:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:10

And there's that line where he's like, damn it, we don't this family doesn't need an ashtray made for a hundred people. It needs Pepsi. And I I just thought it was so funny. You know, it's just like this typical late 50s asshole dad. Yeah. Or I mean, I think it was 60s because they talk about the Vietnam War. Okay, yeah. But I would say favorite TV dad, uh, John Goodman from Roseanne is is coming to mind. Yep. I thought he was always he was always solid.

SPEAKER_02 50:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:41

What about you?

SPEAKER_02 50:43

Okay. I mean, like, the ultimate standard is always bluey, is Bandit from Bluey, like that cartoon dog, you can't, no one can be better than that. I was re I do this more of like, what do I think of first when I hear that question? And Homer Simpson, because I grew up on The Simpsons. So like Homer Simpson is always what I think of. But I guess like he has no characteristics of fatherhood I would ever want to embody totally.

SPEAKER_03 51:05

But it's hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 51:06

But it's hilarious. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:08

You know who else comes to mind?

SPEAKER_02 51:10

Who?

SPEAKER_03 51:11

Actually, you know, I want to say number one TV dad ever is uh Jack from Modern Family.

SPEAKER_02 51:17

Do you mean like Ed O'Neill's or uh Ed O'Neill's character or do you mean that's the one the one that died?

SPEAKER_03 51:23

Phil. No, no, no, not Phil. Sorry, not Modern Family. Uh the Mandy Moore show one. This is us. This is us, thank you. And isn't his name Jack? Mustave. The character's name is Jack.

SPEAKER_02 51:35

Milo. I can't think of his. That's the actor's name. Yes, Jack from This Is Us, Who Dies in the Fire while trying to rescue the dog.

SPEAKER_03 51:42

That's that's the ultimate dad.

SPEAKER_02 51:44

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 51:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 51:45

I've talked to some people about how like the 2010s and like early 2020s like redefined TV dads. Because before, bumbling buffoon, idiot, drunk, screaming at everyone ruins the mood. And then like somewhere in the 2010s, like Friday Night Lights and Modern Family had these dads who were like, oh, that's an actual real dad. Like, that's not a caricature of someone. That's like an actual dad that exists in the world, huh?

SPEAKER_03 52:09

Dude, coach Eric, Coach Eric Taylor from Friday Night Lights.

SPEAKER_02 52:11

Yeah, yeah, man. Yeah.

unknown 52:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

Well, and like I think also I think that might be the same creator as this as us. I'm not sure. I'll have to double check. I'll I'll fact fact check myself.

SPEAKER_03 52:22

But like the man, Eric Taylor is such a fucking dude.

SPEAKER_02 52:26

Well, because he I think the thing they focused on the most is his um responsibility to community. Like, because he wasn't just there to coach a football team. He wasn't there just to coach high school kids. He was there to try to make his to be someone who the community could rely on and look up to. And that's like an aspect of fatherhood being part like because I can be a good version of myself, sure. But if I'm not in community with it, who the fuck cares? So like it's I think it it brought I I know how to be healthy and isolated. That's not really healthy though. But you know, like it's it's it's great to be something, but if you can be something in community with other people and lift other people with you, I think that's that's the point. So do so more examples of that, please.

SPEAKER_03 53:04

Yes, absolutely. Doing things for the community, but also like making good men. Because girls mature it's I think it's clinically proven that girls mature faster than boys.

SPEAKER_00 53:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:16

And I've I matured like 15 years slower than my wife did. So making better men, better young men, I think should be priority number one. Because that's I think the root of a lot of danger in society.

SPEAKER_02 53:32

Yep. Yep. Third question. What's your replacement curse word? What's your like, you know, someone cuts you off in traffic, stub your toe. You don't want Carter to repeat what a word. What do you say instead?

SPEAKER_03 53:41

Right now, I haven't changed it too much, unfortunately. Like I'll say shit. And so we were on the playground, this is maybe two weeks ago, and I found somebody left behind a little. Well, I found this little plastic squirt gun on the playground, and she took the little white piece to fill the water, and I pushed it back in and it cut my finger because it broke. And I and I said, Oh shit. And she goes, shit. And I'm like, I gotta change these words that I'm saying. Uh so I'm gonna I'm gonna have to curb this really fast.

SPEAKER_02 54:17

You said you said oh shit. She said oh shit, and then you went, oh shit, but it's for a different reason. That's problematic. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 54:28

So it's yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:30

I I lean into it.

SPEAKER_04 54:32

I need to change it.

SPEAKER_02 54:33

Sound effects is what I lean into. Just being like, or something like that, more than saying the word. Because if I try Yeah, because if I try to replace it, then I'm just like, no, just say the word. And I'm like, no, don't do that. Be better. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:46

You're you're totally right. I need to start thinking about that more. Watch my potty mouth.

SPEAKER_02 54:50

Yeah, it happens.

SPEAKER_03 54:51

Bad dad.

SPEAKER_02 54:52

Not really. The most common answer is you just still say the curse word. So trust me, you're not alone and still curse. So there you go. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:01

In good company.

SPEAKER_02 55:02

That's right. And then next question, second to last one. What's like favorite activity or toy to do with your kid?

SPEAKER_03 55:08

Lately, it always changes.

SPEAKER_02 55:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 55:10

But my favorite thing right now is Johnny Pops makes this watermelon popsicle.

SPEAKER_02 55:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:15

Have you had those?

SPEAKER_02 55:16

I've had Johnny Pops, but not the watermelon one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:18

Yeah, the watermelon. It even looks, it's like watermelon colored.

SPEAKER_02 55:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:22

And she got Carter got really into them. And now she'll say, and she asked me this like three times a day. She'll say, Dada, I want a watermelon popsicle. Do you want some? Like she wants me to eat, she wants me to eat one with her. So even if I don't want one, I'm like, yes, Carter, I would love watermelon popsicle. So I had two of them yesterday. I didn't even want one. But doing that with her, and then she'll eat it and take a bite and she'll be like, it's good.

SPEAKER_02 55:48

It's pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 55:50

Right now, that's right now, that's my favorite thing.

SPEAKER_02 55:54

I assume how you actually get the dad bought isn't because you don't watch your diet. It's because your kids have moments like that where like, do you want to eat this with me? Or you order them food out and they don't eat it. So then you eat the rest of it. So it's actually not like it's those decisions that make you weirdly overweight, is because you're just eating random food you didn't anticipate to.

SPEAKER_03 56:11

And you're a dumpster now.

SPEAKER_02 56:13

You're a dumpster. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 56:14

Yep. Uh, but besides, besides that, like ultimately my favorite thing to do with her is snuggle in bed. Like we'll we'll just be watching, you know, whatever Miss Rachel on the TV or just zoning out, and she'll just drape herself fully on me.

SPEAKER_02 56:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:30

There's nothing better to yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:32

That's so sweet. And you have to be um not with any shame or guilt to be induced, but like you you have to be physically around for that to happen. You have to actually be in the room for those moments to happen. So if you're able to and prioritize it, then that's great. And I'm glad you're in a place where you can. Thank you. And then last question, yeah. You know what I mean? It's I was very sweet. I I think that like as I've done this podcast more, I I think and like parenting in general, like a well-regulated nervous system is something that should be applauded and focused on. So like and also like man, if you're building the life you've what you never thought you could have, that should be praised, that should be celebrated, that should be something you should ever you should take the moment to be like, oh man, I actually like this a lot. Because it's the world will always require more of you, the world will always want more of you. And so you have to find it within yourself to be like, you know, man, I'm actually building something I'm proud of. And I want to live here for a bit.

SPEAKER_03 57:26

Totally. So you'll never regret, you'll never regret time with your wife or your kid.

SPEAKER_02 57:31

You won't. You won't. And then last question is what's like a moment of your daughter's life you're really excited to see her like enter into like any phase or anything like that, where like, oh man, I can't wait until she becomes this or gets into this or anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 57:45

You can't wait till she starts playing sports.

SPEAKER_02 57:47

Really?

SPEAKER_03 57:48

And and I know we're not gonna force her into anything, but she already is showing athleticism and she's a really good dancer, actually. Like she was showing signs of being a good dancer at a like a year or year and a half when she was just learning to stand. So I mean, whatever it is, her bat her doing ballet. We took her to one ballet class already. She loved it. So now every time she puts on a dress, she'll do this and kind of spin. That's so cute. Um, like if it's dancing, if it's softball, like whatever she's doing, I can't wait to spend the weekend going to watch her, have fun, and be a teammate and be a sweet person out there learning something.

SPEAKER_02 58:29

Yeah. That's awesome. That's sweet. And then last thing for you is just like a moment for self-promotion. So, like, if we want to follow you on Instagram, follow your podcast, like, where do we find you? Where do we, where do we get to know you a little bit better, you know?

SPEAKER_03 58:41

Yeah, come to Instagram. My handle is pizzaparty43. And uh, my podcast is called Breaking Down Addiction, and you can find it wherever you find podcasts, YouTube, everywhere you stream. I would love for you to check it out. And if anybody ever has any questions on a friend, family member, spouse wanting to get sober, please, please get at me. I have resources all over the United States. And if I don't have an exact resource where you need one, I will get in touch with somebody that does and help is available. And whoever, whatever dad out there is doing what you're doing and being present with your kid. Um, I'm proud of you. And it's it's a beautiful life.

SPEAKER_02 59:23

Yeah, it is. Thanks for doing an episode. Thanks for talking to me. Thanks for trusting me with your love of your family so I can share it. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_03 59:32

No, dude, my pleasure. Thank you, bud.

SPEAKER_02 59:34

Perfect. I'll see you next time. Okay, talk to you later. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to the episode. Make sure to follow us on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube at the Imperfect Dads Podcast. And make sure to give us five stars for every listen to us. Music, editing, and production is all done by me. Make sure to tune in on Mondays and most Thursdays for episodes. This podcast is part of the Never A Face Network. Make sure to go to NeverAffacedNetwork.com to learn more about it.