S3EP13-How to Start a Profitable Business with Your Spouse with Julia Barbaro

Do you want to take your entrepreneurial spirit to the next level by starting a business with your spouse? Are you both passionate about creating something together that’s bigger than yourselves and can result in long-term financial success? Turning your dreams into reality can be daunting and nerve-wracking, but it is also extremely rewarding. 

In this guest episode, Julia Barbaro, a homeschooling mom of six children, wife, certified life and marriage coach and author helps us look at some of the important factors to consider when taking on the exciting endeavor of starting a business with your spouse. 

In this episode we discuss:

{03:05} How Julia decided to start a business with her husband

{06:46} Seeing each other’s gifts and how to let the desire to start a business together happen organically 

{09:32} Being supportive instead of trying to fix everything

{11:59} The benefits of starting a business with your spouse

{16:36}The biggest challenges Julia faced when starting a business with her husband

{28:58} How to ensure you have a strong relationship with your spouse outside of work

{33:04} Being intentional with your communication with your spouse

{35:42} Advice for the mompreneur considering starting a business  with her spouse

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Websites: https://www.jakeandgino.com, https://www.juliaandgino.com 

Connect with Julia:

Facebook - @jakeandgino 
Instagram -@jakeandgino   @julia_barbaro
LinkedIn - Jake and Gino 
YouTube - Jake and Gino
Twitter -@jakeandgino  

Ways to Work With Gianna:

Interested in learning more about the Energetically Aligned Content Co-Creation System? Head to https://www.giannadiggs.com/eacc for more information.

You can also watch a demo or book a FREE Voxer call here.

Connect With Gianna Online:

• Gianna's Website- https://www.giannadiggs.com
• Follow Gianna on Instagram- @giannadiggs_
• Follow the show's Instagram- @themompreneurmindsetpodcast
• Follow Gianna's Facebook Page: Gianna Diggs

Transcript

Gianna Diggs: 0:05

You are listening to the Mompreneur MindTech Podcast, a show that empowers you to create a business that's authentically yours. Say goodbye to stressful days, juggling multiple priorities and feeling like you're never enough. I'm your host, Gianna Diggs, a certified MindTech coach and business guide for women and mom entrepreneurs. I'm here to empower, guide, and align you with the tools and the mindset needed to build a thriving business that's true to your purpose. In each episode, we'll explore strategies, tips, and success stories designed to help you rise above your obstacles and level up your mompreneur game. So whether you're a first time entrepreneur or a seasoned professional, grab a cup of tea. Some quiet time away from the kids and let's dive into the Mompreneur mindset together. Are you ready? Let's get into today's episode. Welcome back to the Mompreneur Mindset podcast. So in today's episode, we're going to be talking about something that I think many people, couples think about, but may feel that it might be too risky or too uncertain, or that it may affect your relationship and that is starting a business with your spouse. And my guest today has a lot of experience with doing just that with starting a business with her husband and helping him get his business started and up and running and her name is Julia Barbaro And a little bit about Julia, she is a homeschooling mama of six children, a wife, certified life and marriage coach and author. She is an integral part of the behind the scenes operations of her husband Gino's business ventures, including Jake and Gino and the Rand family of companies. Julia was inspired to become a certified life and marriage coach after witnessing the power of. Coaching she felt compelled to give back and motivate others to set goals, seek out their sole purpose and ask what's next in their life. Julia's passion is to empower couples to strengthen their mind, their communication, overcome obstacles, and seek clarity. Together, she helps them create a life plan for themselves, as well as encouraging parents to guide their children to adulthood. Julia is the author of The Cannolis Exploded and Gelato Blast, children's books about decision making and different paths we can take in life. Julia and her family live in St. Augustine, Florida, where they enjoy the old city and the simple beach life. So without further ado, let's get into the interview. Hi, Julia. Welcome to the show.

Julia Barbaro: 2:36

Gianna, thanks for having me. Hi.

Gianna Diggs: 2:39

So I'm excited for today's episode because, we're gonna talk about something that I think. You know, a lot of families may think about and, have the idea, but might be afraid or are just not sure if it's gonna work, and that is starting a business with your spouse. and it's something that me and my husband have been contemplating. So I, you know, I feel like you're a guru for this, so I'm excited to hear what you're gonna say. So, the first question is, how did you decide to start a business with your spouse?

Julia Barbaro: 3:08

Well, interestingly enough, Jana, he started the business and I watched him and I helped him as far as being, you know, we have six children. We homeschooled kids. So we, I had a lot on my plate already, but there were little things that I could help him with. For instance, uh, just supporting him. And I know a lot of us would like, that's not really helpful, but oh my gosh, when our guys are supported by us, they will

Gianna Diggs: 3:32

Mm-hmm.

Julia Barbaro: 3:33

for sure, because they have, we have their backs, you know what I mean? I'm, I'm home taking the kids. I'm watching my husband go from owning a restaurant to real estate. Uh, education. And I'm like, I don't know anything about education as far as real estate. I don't know anything about real estate. But somehow he kept asking me to help, can you help me with the videos? Can you help me with the podcast? you help me with these little things that I could do? And I loved to help him. I loved to work with him. Um, that's actually how we met. We met, he bought the restaurant I worked at, so that's actually how we met. Working together is kind of cute, but over 20 years of us doing this, at one point I realized, okay. I, I, my kids were being raised still. Obviously my little one was the time. Our oldest one was at a college, and I thought, okay, I wanna do more with him, but I didn't know what, and so he has these events. You know, four or five times a year where we all go, the kids and I go and we help him out. We sell his books. You know, we're there, and all the couples that joined his community, the Jake and Gino community would come up to me and they said, but we wanna know how you do what you do. I said, that mean? What does that mean? Well, we wanna know how you raise your family while supporting your husband while you're here working with him. You know, whether you know it or not, you are working together. You are a team. You are, you know, partners. We wanna know more. And I had to sit back and I think, how do we do it? Because I've been busy my whole life with raising kids. Just whatever he needed, I would help. And so my husband and I sat there for a little while and said, okay, what do, where do we wanna go with this? And we finally had a reason. To really, really work together. We wanted to, you know, let other people know the difficulties of marriage, let people know the hard parts of, of, you know, raising kids and being overwhelmed and trying to figure things out, making decisions together. So we had our why and I, and I think that's really the number one thing was we knew why we wanted to do it. We wanted to help other people. And so from there I became a life coach. And from there I started coaching couples or coaching women. Now we have a podcast together. We talk about business and family. You know, we, he just had a, a big event. We gave a talk in front of 1200 people about working together. That's exactly what we talked about. And people could relate and it was amazing. And really how it came about. It wasn't accidental, but it came from our experiences and our difficulties and how we overcame things. And we still do, let's be honest, that are just really, challenging, especially when you add on working together. It's another layer. But that's how we got into it. And you know, now we have kids books. We have a personal finance academy to help out the children out there trying to figure out what a bank is, what money is, just basic

Gianna Diggs: 6:23

Mm-hmm.

Julia Barbaro: 6:24

And that's where it came from

Gianna Diggs: 6:26

Wow. I love that because I think the first thought that came to my mind was that your husband recognized your gifts, right? Like, you know, usually we don't see it that way when it's just like, oh, can you help me with that, babe? Or can you help me with this? But he saw that I'm not good at that. But you are.

Julia Barbaro: 6:46

exactly.

Gianna Diggs: 6:46

And I think that's like, that was the first thought that came to mind was like, oh wow, he saw you, he saw what you were good at. Even though to you it's just like, I'm just helping my husband, but it's like, no, I see that she's good at, excuse me, I, I see she's good at this thing and I'm gonna keep, you know, asking her to help me with this thing. And then it's kind of like an evolution. And I also love too, that's, that's the first thing that came to mind when you were speaking. And the second thing, um, was that you didn't force it. and I speak from experience cuz I'm always kind of like, well babe, you know, we're both good at these things and like, you know, trying to bring it up and he's kind of, he's not there yet, right. And I had to realize, okay, I need to take a step back and just let it kind of flow. And so that's, that's something I think is important. A good takeaway is that you kind of just let it happen,

Julia Barbaro: 7:32

I love that Gianna because it is sometimes one of us is like ready to go, just like you said, you're ready to take it on. Your husband's not there yet, and I love how you put it like that. We're not on the same page. Oh, you have to be a couple. You have to be on the same page. No, I, my husband's like two books ahead of me. Sometimes like, I'm like, oh my gosh, where are you? But it's important as a couple, like you said, first of all, that we see each other's gifts because a lot of times people, a lot of couples, I, I do talk to a lot of couples that are working together. One person wants to do something. They're not very good at it, and the other one has a gift for it. But they won't give it up. They won't let go of it because it's their, it was their idea and they wanna do it. And so then it seeps into their marriage and they get a little bit resentful and they get a little bit bitter. And all of that comes. And it's different when you're married working together than if you're just a partner. So now you have to deal with that, and that's the whole beauty of. You know, once we started working together, I have to tell you that our relationship definitely like grew like crazy because we talked about things that we had to, we didn't mean to, you know, we, we, I would bring up topics on our podcast that we've never talked about before, and all of a sudden now we're opening up between each other on a podcast front of who knows how many people, you know.

Gianna Diggs: 8:43

Right.

Julia Barbaro: 8:45

But just to be open, just to be open, to say, okay, what are my husband's gifts? What is he really good at? Let me give him that and let me stay out of his way. Because a lot of times I, I always say this because this is me as a woman, as a mother, like, I wanna take over. I wanna fix it. If you're not doing it right, let me, let me get in there and fix that. And so there's a lot of there. A lot of growth where I have to step back and say, let me let him do it on his own time. If he needs help, I'm here. So that's a challenge for sure.

Gianna Diggs: 9:16

Right. I love you said that we like to fix things. Cause I think that's, that's a female energy kind of nature of like, okay, I'm going to nurture you and I see you're struggling with this. Let me step in and do it for you, as opposed to being like, you know what, I'm gonna let you figure it out and I'm gonna be here to support you where you need me.

Julia Barbaro: 9:32

Isn't that the hardest thing? And especially as I have a 23 year old and I'm, sometimes it's killing me. And as I'm not like Gabriela, I just wanna help you You know, please let me explain to you what to do. But at the same time, I, I did it one time and she was really struggling with something. She wanted to change colleges and she wanted my advice, but she didn't. Do you know what I mean? Like, remember when you

Gianna Diggs: 9:53

Mm-hmm.

Julia Barbaro: 9:54

you wanted people's advice, but at the same time you knew what you were doing. And I remember walking to her room and I said, Gabrielle, I don't know. This is all new to me. Having an adult child is new to me. I've never experienced it. I don't have a manual. I don't know what it's like. I don't know what you're like, you're d different than you used to be. I said, I just wanna tell you that I'm here. For whatever you need. I don't know how much to you or how little to tell you because a lot of times we're just trying to win. Like we don't, we're winging it. We have no idea what to say or how to say it or how to fix, or how to not fix. And it's it's nice for the kids to know that, that, you know, we don't know what to do either. And if they're going through difficult times, and I, and so when I said that to her, she's like, you know what, mom? I actually needed to hear that because I do want help. at the same time, I wanna be independent and learn by myself. And so then I realized, okay, I have to change the way that I, and the same with our husbands. When we're, when we're working together, we have to change the way that we talk Here, let me fix that for you here. Let me take care of that for you. You know, obviously you don't know what you're doing. I'll take over that over. And when we do that, we're letting the other person know that we don't think that they're capable. gotta

Gianna Diggs: 10:59

Mm.

Julia Barbaro: 10:59

take care of it for you. And so it's a lot of, thinking about what words we're using. everyone in our life, especially our husband and our children, because we could say, Hey, listen, you're doing a really amazing job. I love the new way you're, I've never even thought to do it that way. If you need help of any kind of, you know, want another input, please. I'm right here. I'm always here if you ever need me. But it's hard for us to let go of that because we wanna be we wanna take care, we wanna, we don't want anyone to be in pain or suffering. And so it's really challenge for us, right? Especially when we see our husbands suffering. It's like, oh, can I fix that for you? You know? But to let them know we're here, I think is really sometimes what they need. Cuz a lot of times our, our husbands are someone, they come to us and they're telling us something, and our first thought is, all right, how can I help you? What can I do? They're not looking a solution sometimes. Sometimes people just need to talk.

Gianna Diggs: 11:55

right. Communication.

Julia Barbaro: 11:56

yeah.

Gianna Diggs: 11:57

Right, right. Communication. That's big. So what are some of the benefits of starting a business with your spouse?

Julia Barbaro: 12:05

Well, it's super fun. Gotta be honest. We have a lot of laughs. And you know, I have to say, you know, we do involve our children. We do involve them as far as, you know, like I said, we have, two little kids books, um, that I would love to send to your children. the Cannolis the gelato blast and it, it basically goes over responsibility. You know, it's, it's. Something bad happens. What are you gonna do? And there's three characters. They choose three different paths because we get to choose what we do and how we react. And so involve the kids and we, we go to events together and it's almost like this family vibe at these real estate events. And like I said earlier, I don't know anything about real estate. I don't care about it. I love the outcome that it, I love what it

Gianna Diggs: 12:51

Mm-hmm.

Julia Barbaro: 12:52

but that's my thing. And I love family and I love promoting that, to people that are, you know, desperately in need of it and just wanna be a better mom, wanna be a better wife. And, and so there are so many benefits in it because sometimes we, you know, I, I do have a lot of friends from back years ago where the wife either would stay home or she would work, the husband would go to work and they wouldn't see each other all day, and then they would come home and, know, it was an okay marriage. It was, it was just decent, you know? And I'm like, there's gotta be more than that. There's gotta be more than that and, and I thought, well, if we work together, we're gonna be always around. And a lot of people are like, oh, it's gonna be terrible. You're gonna fight all the time. You know? Yes, we argue and yes, we have difficult times, and yes, you have hurt feelings, but at the end of the day, it is one of the best decisions I think I've ever made.

Gianna Diggs: 13:45

Hmm. I love that, that instead of, you know, cuz I, I just feel like people always go to the negative. Like, oh, you're gonna always be around them. Are you sure gonna get tired of them? Or, you know, do you, are you sure you wanna do that? Right? It's like, no, this is family time, right? Like this is time for. Me to spend with my husband and we involve the kids and it becomes, it evolves into, into family time. And that's what I love cuz I'm big on family as well, is like, how can we, you know, cuz when you're at work all the time, it's like you aren't seeing each other. And it's like, how can, to me it talk, it, it speaks fostering the relationship, And the kids are gonna be able to grow up and say, oh wow. Like we did these things as a family and those are the things that they're gonna instill in their kids. And then their kids are still in their kids and it's kind of just creating this generational love.

Julia Barbaro: 14:30

Mm,

Gianna Diggs: 14:31

That's what just came, that's what I just downloaded, like a generational love, um, is what I just kind of like intuitively downloaded. but that's what, that speaks to me.

Julia Barbaro: 14:39

No, that's beautiful, Gianna. I love that, that what, what you just said because it is that, and, and you know, my husband actually worked with his father, so his father came from Italy, opened a restaurant, and my husband worked since he was eight at his restaurant. And then from there my husband had a restaurant my kids worked at that, he sold that. Now the real estate, and like I said earlier, I don't know real estate, but somehow we're working together. We could always find, and a lot of people are like, oh, we don't have the same interests. We're not on the same page with a lot of things my husband and I Gino is, is so different than I am. And it's so funny to watch us work together. Sometimes my kids actually get a kick out of it because we have so different ideas, but somehow we're open to listening to the other person. That's the whole communication, I mean, is huge. Uh, listening to the person, hearing them out, understanding where they're coming from, so, Bringing in my ideas and somehow it's worked out where it, it's here you have real estate and family working together and it's so beautiful. You can make it work if you want to. Cuz a lot of times we're, we're, we're trying, we're not sure if we want to, we're afraid, just like you said, are you, we gonna be arguing all the time or we're gonna get sick of each other. And I, and I, it's important to want to be together. Shouldn't you want to be working? Spouse, what do you, what? What are you afraid of? Exactly. Are you afraid that he might irritate you? Does he irritate you at home? Because if that's the case, that's something to work on,

Gianna Diggs: 16:00

Mm-hmm.

Julia Barbaro: 16:01

we, we forget, wanna work with him because he irritates me. Why not work at that part first, work on the relationship a little bit and say, why am I irritated? What, what about this is bothering me? Let's get down to the deep issue first before we step out into the work. You know?

Gianna Diggs: 16:19

Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Like I said, communication, that's the, that's like the center of it right? It's just the com is, the communication is the, well, if we're having this issue, let's work on that. And in all, in some instance, like you said, the business can actually help you work on it. So I love that you said that. So what are the challenges that you faced? You kind of touched on it a little bit, but.

Julia Barbaro: 16:41

Yeah. No, I, I really think one of my biggest challenges with my husband is, The, as a mom, you know, as a wife, I, like I said, at homeschool, I still have four at home homeschooling. And I, I get really great ideas sometimes and I present them and I'm like, ah, why did I do that? Now I have a lot more work do. And so biggest challenge with working with him is he is such a go-getter, Gino is, you know, all about let's, you know, let's, let's do videos. We, we have a, we have a coaching program, we have a life coach program, goal settings. and it takes a lot of time. It takes a time and. So every morning I seriously have to sit and say, okay, we talked about this earlier, even when we were, before we even got started, the podcast, you have a little, you have little children, and every day it's like, am I putting too much work into my business? Where should I be?

Gianna Diggs: 17:33

Mm.

Julia Barbaro: 17:33

Am I, am I giving them enough of my attention? You know, where should I be today? And, and it's an ongoing, issue that I've always had, which is kind of funny because I remember when all my children were little, they were all little. I was home a hundred percent of the time. I didn't really go anywhere, you know? And at point my, my little one, she's like, mom, you're always busy. You're never spending time with me. And I thought, what? I'm like, you have a hundred percent of my day. And I thought, okay, from the kids' perspective, maybe I am busy all the time doing laundry, do taking care of babies, taking care of all these things, and I'm not giving them one-on-one attention. And I thought, okay, so if they're thinking that back then, so now it's like, okay, now I'm doing work outside of the home. How am I giving that attention to them? And so it's one of those things back years ago I realized is that I wasn't sitting with them and actually discussing things outside of school, outside of, you know, only what they wanted to talk about. I didn't go on the little coffee dates that I take them out now privately, you know what I mean? So my challenge is really my own problem is where I'm, I feel like I, I don't give them enough time. But I do, it's, it's the mom guilt type of feel.

Gianna Diggs: 18:49

Yeah.

Julia Barbaro: 18:49

that we all really have. But the, the question is, why do we have it? I know there's a deeper reason. I know it stems from like my mom who always worked all the time and is guilty about working, and she sees me do something and she's like, oh, shouldn't you be home So it's like I'm taking on her.

Gianna Diggs: 19:08

Yeah. Yeah.

Julia Barbaro: 19:09

So it goes all over. But I think that's been the biggest challenge. And the funny thing is that the challenge isn't with my husband, it's not working with him. It's my own feeling of I'm not spending enough time with my kids, even though I know I am. But it's that feeling that I'm not, and I know a lot, everyone I talk to, every woman I talk to feels the same way.

Gianna Diggs: 19:27

Right. It's, and I love that you said that it's less about the issues you have with him and more about eternal. Because a lot of what I see as a mindset coach is that a lot of times I. We have those people who they, it's always an outsider thing. It's always a, well, this person isn't helping me, or This person caused me to do this thing, or this always about someone else, and less about what's going on inside. And then once you start doing the necessary work and you, you start to realize like, oh, this isn't. Internal thing. This is not an external thing, so I'm glad that you said where it's like, it's no challenge with him. It's a challenge with me and, and me saying that I need to spend time with my kids and, and having that guilt. Cuz it's, it's funny you said that cuz I, I'm in the process of, a, a workshop and probably this, it probably will have happened by the time this episode airs, but I was working on it, doing the emails and, and my daughter, you know, she's, Thanksgiving break. She's home from a minute and she's like, mommy, you're always on the computer. You're just, you don't play with me. And I felt so, ugh. Like my heart just sank. Cuz I'm like, in my head I'm like, we do a lot of things. You have birthday parties coming up and I'm always like, I take you like we have our little dates. I go get my nails and I take her with me. I'm like, we do a lot of things. And I'm like, you know what? In that moment, because her brother can't play with her cuz he's too young. She was just feeling lonely, right? She just wanted me to sit with her and play dolls with her because she didn't have anyone else to, and I had to recognize that and say, okay, baby, when I'm done, I will, I'll play with you. Um, and instead of internalizing it and be like, I'm a bad mom, and all the things that we tell ourselves, it's like, you know what? Because in this season, the business is, I'm trying to grow my business, and so I have to find that balance. And so I'm glad you said like, Nope, it's not, it's, it's internal. It's not external.

Julia Barbaro: 21:14

It is, and I have to tell you, Jana, that I have asked my older children who are, you know, 20 17, 23, I said, Tell me how I could have done things different because, you know, we are, we are talking about what we're, what we're talking about right now, just not spending enough time. And I kind of teased them from years ago about h how they used to say that to me. And they said, you know what, mom, honestly, you did a great job. We were, we're really happy with her childhood. And I thought, okay, so like you said, it's our, it's our internal issue that we're having, you know, and, some, some women, um, were talking recently about, They wanted to start a business and they don't think their husband supports them and they use those support. And I said, well, tell me about that. What? What do you mean that your husband doesn't support? And they're just randomly talking about certain things. And I said, I have a question. Do you trust yourself? Do you trust? Do you support yourself? Because a lot of times, just like

Gianna Diggs: 22:07

Hmm.

Julia Barbaro: 22:07

just said before, we blame other people why we're not doing things well, my husband doesn't support that. He doesn't want us to do that. Or is it that, that we don't support each other? We don't, we don't want ourselves to do it. We need our own. We need the confidence to do it. And then every time I talk to the women, I'm like, ask your husband, oh, you know, he says to do it. I'm like, so, So it is so true that we are the ones holding ourselves back. We are the ones telling us that we can't do it, you know? And that's something to think about, just like you said, that mindset coaching of what is the real issue and it's usually ourselves.

Gianna Diggs: 22:43

Right, right. And that's funny that you say that cuz it just, I just thought about my husband saying like, if he sees me struggling, he's like, what can I do? Even though he, he doesn't do the esoteric, the astrology, all the things that I do. He's like, well, what can I, what can I do to support you? And I like, you know, for me, I'm always like, I have to think about how.

Julia Barbaro: 23:01

Mm-hmm.

Gianna Diggs: 23:02

Uh, he can support me because I am that person that's like, I'm just gonna do it myself. Right? And it's like getting out of that. so I'm glad you mentioned that earlier of just like, okay, let me get out of, I need to do it myself. And more into, okay, like, I know you know nothing about this, but I know you're good at that. Like, this is how you can support me.

Track 1: 23:21

is So

gianna_diggs: 23:21

Um

Track 1: 23:21

Gianna, I have to tell you, that's the biggest thing, a biggest challenge, especially a lot of women, a lot of moms and wives, where we are gonna do it ourselves. And I, you know, it will go, it will go throughout your whole life because you know, even my gosh, this sounds ridiculous, but I know you and many women listen are gonna know what I'm talking about. When my kids load the dishwasher, I watch sometimes and I cringe. And so I walk over and say, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it. Let me do it myself. You guys go off and do something else. And over the years, and it literally took me 20 something years to get over this. I had to go to Life coach school and realize that that was my controlling, I was controlling this. And I ha own, I'm the only one capable of doing it. And I didn't realize that I was overstepping their boundaries because they're

gianna_diggs: 24:06

Oh yeah.

Julia Barbaro: 24:07

learning something and how dare I take that away from them? They're learning something that I, you know, so me saying I'll take care of it is just my control and I had to let go. And it's so nice because at this point in my life, I just delegate should see me. Thanksgiving comes, you mentioned Thanksgiving. I have my 17 and my 13 year old cooking everything. I didn't make anything this year. Like, all right, you do this now? And I, it, it was so hard. I did it last year the first time, but I completely, I'm just said, I'm gonna let go of this and let someone else take care of it. And Wow. Is that, was that new for me. But if you just do by little, it's so freeing. I'm gonna just tell you it's amazing.

gianna_diggs: 24:47

Wow. I'm glad you said that. Cuz funny thing is, uh, Saturday, so right after Thanksgiving, my daughter's room has been a mess and I, and I've been trying to, she's five, so I've been trying to be like, you know, you go do it. And then it's like, I don't know how. And finally she's like, I went in her room. I started from one corner, worked my way through, got rid of some things, and I was like trying to get her to help me. And it was just like, And she, it was, I was getting frustrated with her and I told her, just go downstairs. I'm gonna do it

Track 1: 25:14

Mm-hmm.

Gianna Diggs: 25:15

And so of course when she come upstairs, she's like, oh, it's so clean. But I realized that, you know, she's five. So, but I ki I'm glad you said that cuz it made me realize that I kind of took away her just being responsible for her room.

Julia Barbaro: 25:29

Yeah.

Gianna Diggs: 25:31

and so I'm like, okay, we're gonna, I'm gonna use that to work on helping her keep it clean cuz it was just a mess. Her and her cousin go in there and just do whatever and I, you know, I and I let it go a while.

Julia Barbaro: 25:43

girls can make, we have five girls. We have this, we have an ongoing girl room for the past 23 years. And I have funny enough, we cleaned out the girls' room yesterday and I, this is important that I didn't realize and, and I wanted to share with you because you have two children. When I use the word, let's clean up, three of my kids know what I'm talking about, and the other three don't. And I'm one of them years old. He's the only boy, but it doesn't matter, And they stand there and they don't know what to do. They don't know what And it took me, again, many, many years of, of getting frustrated. We have to clean up. It's time to clean up. What does that mean? What does clean up mean? And so Michael, I want you to go onto the table, take one thing off the table and put that one thing away. And I know that sounds ridiculous, but people, some, some people need direction. They need to be And I realize that me saying the word cleanup is just stressful for some of my kids. They don't know what that means. Okay, go just put your shirts away, fold just your shirts, find your sh or just find the Barbies. Get the Barbie shoes you don't need. Whatever it is, give them an actual step-by-step direction. And I, and I just wanna tell everyone out there with children, this is a, a game changer because when I started doing it, all of a sudden everyone was very helpful and it was really

gianna_diggs: 26:59

Right,

Julia Barbaro: 27:00

Because we do use these random words, I need help. Help me clean up. You know what I mean? What does that mean? Everyone's, everyone's stressing me out. Well, what, what can we do for you? You know? We have to be more specific and we don't realize it.

gianna_diggs: 27:13

Right. And I think you, you talk about how your mom was with you. It was because my mom did the same thing. Right. She would get frustrated with me and with my room being a mess, and she would be like, I'm just gonna do it for you. Right. And so, and as an adult at times, I'm like, I wait till I just can't take it anymore before I clean my room. Right. And it's cuz I just never was that person. Like I, I have a certain level that I can function in and some people that's terrible. But for me it works. Right? But going back to husband's right, my husband is like, okay, if it gets bad, like then it becomes a discussion cuz it's like we live in the same space. I know you don't like this way and I don't like, and so now we discuss it, okay, how can we help each other so that it, I can. Take away from the things that I'm used to, right? The things that I did when I was just me and how can we work together to make it so that we're both comfortable in the same space?

Julia Barbaro: 28:07

Yeah, no, I do love that. And I, and with our husbands, they do ask, what can I do to help? And a lot of times we don't wanna hand it over, um, what I was saying about just being able to let go of that, but it is so beautiful and that's where your relationship grows because all of a sudden now you're trusting your husband with something that you normally would take care of. And so that trust also builds. Too, you know, so all of a sudden you're saying, okay, I, I'm trusting you. And they know that, and that's a big deal for them. So then they're gonna give something back to you and say, okay, I wanna trust you more. And that's when you're, when your trust in the marriage grows, it is unreal. It's a beautiful, But it does take time. It does take time. And it's just little by little. If we just do a little thing day, one little thing every day, it, it will, it will grow.

Gianna Diggs: 28:54

I love that. Like a flower, right? So how do you ensure, and you, again, it's something you kind of touched on earlier, how do you ensure that, you still have a strong relationship, with your, with your husband, and even with your kids, like outside of the working environment? Um,

Julia Barbaro: 29:11

It. You know, it's tempting when you start working together. It's very tempting to go on a date and talk about. You know your ideas for work and you know, at nighttime you go for a walk and it's talk about work. And that is a challenge because. You're both doing, everything's intertwined. You're doing work, you're doing life, you're doing kids everything together. And it does take an effort. I'm gonna be honest. And there are times where I'm like, listen, let's just go out on a date and just talk about something other than work, other than our great ideas. And I'm gonna be lot, a lot of times we get a lot of value out of, out of that, you know, we'll think of great ideas and, and you know, that's where the, the kids book came from was, was on one of our dates, So I'm not. I'm not saying don't talk about it, but remember that you also have to work on yourselves and you also have to talk about, you know, challenges that you have. And it's okay to tell them that you are overwhelmed and it's okay to tell them that you're scared or that you are, you know, overworked or you're not sure what to do. Because a lot of times, like we were saying before, as women, as wives, as moms, we, we want to. Be the supermom. We don't we don't want other people to know that we're having a hard time. We're afraid sometimes to tell our husbands that we're scared about certain things. Well, what will they think of us? They don't, they're not gonna, you know, and so that is a, a, a wall we have to slowly break down if we don't, if we haven't already. Uh, and I, and That really does help it, it helps you connect with each other, and we can never stop connecting because even as with small children, you know, you know, I, I remember having all the babies and being pregnant for all those years. I would neglect my husband for real. You know, it was always about the kids. always like, I, you know, I don't have you right now. And they really do feel left out. Let's just be honest. They're not pregnant. They feel that. They don't get to, you know what I mean? They don't. There's a lot of things that they do miss out on and. This happened later on in our relationship, but I realized that he wanted to be part of things that he wasn't able to. Cuz he's the man So I'm like, all right, I want you to help me, but I, I don't, you know, so we had different conversations than we ever had because I saw a different side of him, you know, that he was, you know, think about childbirth for, for instance, like the men are literally standing there helpless. They can't do anything. used being the type to be able to help and fix, and. And I noticed that at her sixth, at her sixth birth. I'm sitting there looking at my husband. I'm like, he is terrified, petrified, and he doesn't know what to do. I saw it differently, something different that it was like a softer side of them, you know? And afterwards, was the conversation that we had was what did that feel like? Like what was that like for you? Cause it's always about us, right? we're always having the babies. Yep. Like, what was that like for you? And so it, it opened up our conversations when we would go out to different questions, to open-ended questions instead of, you know, how was work today, the basic, you know what I mean? What'd you do Talk to. What was that like for you to be in that situation and just to hear the other side? So that communication is, is, we have to remember that that is so important in our family. And if we're gonna be successful in a business, the foundation at home has to be successful as well. And sometimes we forget that part of it and work busy working on running our business and succeeding in that part that we forget about the home life. And how important it is where, where the, you know, you and your husband are always open and talking things out, and Yes, arguing and disagreeing course, but with respect and letting our children know that we want them to be part of it and, you know, and spending time with that. And it takes a lot of effort, let's be honest. But it's a responsibility that we have and, and you know, when we do it, it's incredible, it's beautiful, and then we can go be successful in our business. So,

gianna_diggs: 33:04

Right. And what came to my mind is just being intentional. Right? that was like, the thought that came to mind is that, you know, Sometimes we think things will be fixed overnight or that we want things to be this way and, and something that I've had to deal with is like, he can't read your mind. He doesn't know that you're suffering from this thing. You need to be mindful and express how you feel. And, you know, of course do it in a respectful way. And I've learned, you know, through, of course, my studies of the modalities that I use in my business, like human design especially, and being an emotional authority and knowing that I need to kind of wait things out before I, you know, I speak about certain things and not. Coming to him when I'm in like angry or, you know, even if I feel sad about it and kind of coming to him in a neutral place. And when I do that, like the communication is better. And, but I had to be intentional about that. and if, you know, when you're not intentional about it, that's kind of when you have the issues and things like that. So I'm glad you said that.

Julia Barbaro: 34:06

Yeah. No, that is so important, Gianna, because a lot of times we do, we want it all right now. We want it, we want it, we want it all and, and a lot of times it has to be. In the right time. You know, it, it has to be in the right season, whatever word you wanna use because you know, I, we couldn't be where we are. I couldn't be where I wa am right now unless I went through 20 plus years of raising children and going through difficult times. And before I could help other people in the same situation, I wouldn't have the knowledge, I wouldn't have the wisdom of that, it wouldn't have the experience. And so a lot of times we have to go through years and years of trial and difficulties in order to understand. That, okay, there is a solution and help you because I know you're in that same situation. You know what I mean? So it's like we want everything to be perfect right now. You know, there's sometimes where we'll be in an argument, and this is kind of silly, I didn't tell him this. I think I've mentioned on a couple of podcasts, but I don't think I've ever mentioned it to him. We would be in, in an actual argument. And I remember thinking at the time, like, wow, we're gonna come out of this stronger and closer. And I, sometimes I would have a little smile on my face and you'd be like, why are you smiling I'm like, sorry. Cause we have to remember that every difficult time put, every difficult, situation we're in is an opportunity for growth, you know? And I always to people, God's putting you in that situation for a reason. Just I can't wait to see the outcome because it's gonna be amazing.

gianna_diggs: 35:33

Hmm.

Julia Barbaro: 35:34

You know? And, and so that's something to remember is it does take time and that's good.

gianna_diggs: 35:39

Right. I love that you said that. So, for the mom entrepreneur who is like listening to us and they're like, okay, I hear you. Right. And they're still maybe, you know, not so sure of like how to approach it. you know, what advice would you give, A mom, entrepreneur, and even, you know, her husband or her, her spouse, who is thinking about or who wants to start a business and kind of is like with their husband or their spouse, and they're like, I'm not sure. What would you tell them?

Track 1: 36:08

I would ask what their why is, what's the reason you wanna do it? Because we have to have clarity on the reason and who we wanna target. Who is our audience? What's the purpose of it? Because a lot of times we just wanna do something, but we don't know what. So get your reasoning. Why, why do you wanna start this? Who do you wanna target and what, what's the purpose of it? And I always, this is, this is crazy. This is me. This is me. But I sometimes will commit to something and I'll figure it out as I go, You know what I mean? It's, it's the mom in me, I guess. I don't know. But I'll just take a step. I'll, I'll, I'll put something out on Facebook. Hey, I'm starting this, um, mom's group. Every Thursday we're gonna talk about something, you know, something of, uh, you know, life coaching, some kind of life coaching. And then afterwards I'm like, wait, what did I just do? just. But I'm like, you know what? I'm just not gonna look at it. Sometimes my husband's like, you have to look at the big picture. Well, sometimes when I look at the big picture, I get overwhelmed and I'll just, like, I'm looking at it weekly, like, all right, what are we gonna talk about this week? What are we gonna talk about today? and that's just the way I personally do it. But, but I just, I really do, I commit to something. I say I'm, this is what I'm gonna do, and I just take it one piece at a time because I cannot see the big picture. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed I will shut down. You know, even websites, for instance, someone's like, we gotta start a website, and I'm like, I have no idea what to do. I'm just gonna do one thing. Let me do one thing, and when I'm done with that one thing, I'm gonna do the next thing. So have your plan, get your clarity on what, why you wanna do it, and what are the steps. And break them down as small as you can make them. Because moms, we're busy. We have a lot on our plate. We have a lot going on right now.

gianna_diggs: 37:45

Mm-hmm.

Track 1: 37:46

But you can do it. You know, I I'll, before the podcast, I was folding laundry. I was helping my, my kids with math, science, and making breakfast Why not? You know, we don't think about it, we could do it. We just, just take a step and do something.

gianna_diggs: 38:01

Right. I love that. Know your why. Make a plan, take a step. And I love that you said you just like you, you know, cuz sometimes the plan does feel overwhelming. I've cuz I'm the type of person, I am a big picture person. So I start from that and start moving down and then, and then all of a sudden I feel it usually in my chest and I'm like, oh no, you know, I'm like, no overwhelm. Oh my gosh, how am I gonna get this done? So I love that you said, you know what? I just do it and I just take one step and I just keep it moving and, and you figured out how to do, how to deal with the overwhelm by just saying, okay, well instead of me trying to plan, you know, five weeks ahead, I'm just gonna do it week by week. And just kind of, I think the lesson in that is just knowing how you best deal with the overwhelm too,

Julia Barbaro: 38:45

Oh gosh, you, the overwhelmed part is y you know, you're, it's almost like you can't see everything's, everything's confusing. You don't want, nobody can talk to you. You're overwhelmed. And that when I get like that, I say, okay, what exactly am I overwhelmed by? What exactly am by? I have to figure out what it is because something is affecting my body. I have to figure out what the thought is that that made my body feel this way, and it's, and then I ask myself, okay, well who can help me? And I know that we talked about this, we don't wanna let go of it, but who can actually help me with this? Who knows about this? Whatever it is, whether it's starting a, a business, starting a podcast, starting a website, whatever it is, someone in our life can help us. And we have to think about who that can be because we're not supposed to be doing this by ourselves, you know? We're not, and there's so many people in our life that we don't even think about that, oh my gosh, they could help me. Even a little bit of advice. Or maybe we can hire someone to help us with something. Maybe a, a college kid or some, you know, there's always random people. The young people know the, the computers so go that. But that's a good, a good for me was who can help me? Because I, it's not just, it's not just me.

gianna_diggs: 39:54

Right. I love that. I love, I think that's a, a period to the whole discussion that you just did. It's like, who can help me

Julia Barbaro: 40:00

Oh, it's a hard one. I mean, it's our, it's in our second book. It's, we have a mentor Moose, and, and I love it because, you know, a lot of times we just wanna do it ourselves, but who are our mentors? who, who's in our life that we haven't asked for help? And we, you know, we mentioned our moms earlier, and a lot of times we'll go to our mom for advice and maybe she's not the best person. You know, if, I'm, having a money issue and I'm going to the same person over and over again, but they're not good at money, with money either, I can think, okay, who am I going to? Who do I need advice? What do I need advice about? And who's the best person that could maybe, I don't even hardly even know them. Maybe I, I know I, I, they're, they're friends, but we're not really, but they're really good about money or they're, they're having an amazing marriage, or they're really good at business. We have to think about who or mentors, who are we hanging out with? Who are we talking to? Because that, and again, all of this, Gianna, and I know you know this, but all of this, we are our kids' ultimate example. So how we are around our children, that's what they're, we can tell them anything we want, but it's our actions. It's our words. It's what we do. A hundred percent. A hundred percent.

Gianna Diggs: 41:08

All right. Wow, this was such a lovely discussion, Julia. Thank you so much for being here. and so before we wrap up, can you tell the listeners where they can find you, online and even offline?

Track 1: 41:19

Sure. Yes. Um, you can always email me. I always loved old school email. Tell me your story cause I do love to hear that@juliabarrogmail.com. You can check out, um, our books, our podcasts Personal Finance academy@juliaandgino.com. You can check out my husband's uh, real estate. world@jakengino.com and you can find me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter.

gianna_diggs: 41:47

All right, Julia, thank you so much for being here. I love this discussion.

Track 1: 41:51

Thanks Gianna for having me.

Gianna Diggs: 41:57

Thank you for tuning into today's episode of the Mompreneur Mindset Podcast. I truly hope that our conversation has inspired and motivated you to take charge of your entrepreneurial journey. If you found today's episode valuable, please take a moment and subscribe and leave us a review on your preferred podcast platform. Your support means the world to me, and it's vital for helping me to reach more entrepreneurs like you and empower our growing community to thrive. Until next time. Keep pushing boundaries, never settle. And remember the world is waiting for your unique gifts that only you can offer. See you in the next episode.