The Leader Learner Podcast
S02E02 The Let's Talk About Shame Baby Episode
September 26, 2022
Theresa Destrebecq & Vincent Musolino
- What website do you visit multiple times a day?
- What gets in the way of great leadership?
- Imposing my perspective/values on other people
- Imposter syndrome leading to self-doubt
- When we don't address our own emotions
- Shame getting in the way of leadership
- The less we talk about emotions the more we feel
- Not talking about shame at work -- frustrations, fear
- Difference between shame (I am a failure) versus guilt (I failed at this project)
- Is shame a cohesion mechanism?
- Fault and mistake -- how are they different?
- Guilt can have a powerful impact when we see the gap between our values/intentions between our behavior
- One incidence can lead to either guilt or shame
- What do we say to ourselves when we make a mistake?
- How much are leaders using shame as a tool in leadership? Weaponizing shame
- The opposite of shame - empathy and compassion, vulnerability
- Fear of being a bad leader, leads us to not be vulnerable
- Shame drives so much of our behavior in the background
- "Should" is a sign that there is something wrong with the relationship
- Shame Shields -- move away, move toward, move against (Freeze, fight, flee)
- Offloading shame on others - trying to hurt other people back
- 4 Steps to Working Through Shame
- Understand the shame triggers
- Reality check the messages around perfection
- Reach out to share our stories with people we trust
- Use the word shame - use the words gives you power
- Giving names to our shame shields/defense mechanisms or using symbols or personalities to states of mind, gives us control to them
- Being a better leader starts with awareness
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