The Leader Learner Podcast

S02E22 The Care and Challenge Episode

July 12, 2023 Theresa Destrebecq & Vincent Musolino Season 2 Episode 22
The Leader Learner Podcast
S02E22 The Care and Challenge Episode
Show Notes

Check-In Question

  • If you were invisible, what's the first thing you would do?
  • What good can you do while being invisible?

Big Ideas:

  • 4 quadrant matrix - Caring Personally, Challenging Directly
    • High Care, High Challenge - Radical Candor
    • High Care, Low Challenge - Ruinous Empathy
    • Low Care, High Challenge - Obnoxious Aggression
    • Low Care, Low Challenge - Manipulative Insincerity
  • Industry dependent  (ie, manufacturing more direct, healthcare less direct)
  • gender dynamics at play - women not wanting to challenge directly for fear of being labelled a "B*tch", men don't want to be seen as weak
  • Can compassion be radical?
  • Compassion using the heart and the mind
  • Radical - getting to the root of things
  • lay down unilateral power, hold each other accountable
  • Radical means essential
  • end of command and control with pandemic
  • "I can't believe this trust thing is working." ~CXO of some company
  • Invite them to give you feedback first and make it a regular part of your day, even in small conversation
  • Get to know your team about their career aspirations
  • Assumption that people want to advance - Rock Stars versus Super Stars
  • Assess how giving and getting feedback
  • Ebb and flow between being a rock star and super stardom
  • Often only way to grow is to be a manager - what about those who don't want to be a manager? 
  • Often only reward the managers financially, not the ICs
  • Difference between learning and growing up the ladder
  • Pair the care and the candor all the time 
  • Passive, aggressive - assertiveness as the third way
  • Not falling prey to either or
  • Permission parenting, authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting - finding the middle ground
  • We are human and won't always walk the perfect path
  • Bill Gates - "Give me the bad news."
  • Cultural implications around radical candor
  • Use too many disclaimers to soften negative feedback, which takes away the candor
  • Recency and latency biases make us  forget the middle in the "Sandwich" technique
  • So many nuances
  • Normalize radical candor
  • Invite public criticism as a leader, so you show people you are willing to take it
  • Otherwise, give all radical candor in private
  • Often more care than candor
  • Fear in speaking up and saying things
  • When impact doesn't match intention
  • I can't always measure the impact I will have on people 
  • Sometimes the way we see the truth can hurt someone, but does that mean we shouldn't say it? 
  • Can people take your "Radical Candor"?
  • Inquisitive radical candor - test the waters first?
  • Knowing the right time to give feedback - it will land different in different circumstances
  • "Radical candor is not measured at the mouth of the speaker, but at the ears of the listener." 

Resources Mentioned:

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