The Leader Learner Podcast
The Leader Learner podcast is for passionate leader readers who believe that continuing to learn and practice our people and connection skills is necessary to influence and lead others in the most effective way.
Rather than talk to authors about the professional development books that they have written, the Leader Learner podcast spotlights readers and delves into their process the book(s) that had an impact then and now.
This podcast is brought to you by Theresa Destrebecq founder of Emerge Book Circles. Join us as we discuss books, learning, and leadership with our guests.
Read Deeper Not Faster.
The Leader Learner Podcast
S03E18 The Practice Listening! Episode
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Theresa Destrebecq & Vincent Musolino
Check-In:
- What was your favorite job? And why?
Big Ideas:
- move from shallow questions to deep questions
- freedom, pace, connection
- autonomy and connectedness are part of the motivational factors of humans
- autonomy within a group, leaning into the group rather than isolation
- independence, dependence, and interdependence
- 3 types of conversations - the practical conversation (What's this really about?) , the emotional conversation (How do we feel?), the social conversation (Who are we?)
- context matters and appreciate what type of conversation to have
- when we are having different types of conversation with others, there is a mismatch and information doesn't get through
- meta-communication - talking about the type of communication
- we communicate through our emotions
- we aren't rational beings but emotional ones
- recognize the nuance of other people's communication, and ask questions about their emotions without becoming emotional myself
- exercise where Theresa shared something meaningful with another person, and that person was instructed to be completely indifferent - Theresa had a strong emotional reaction
- our bodies speak to us if we listen
- holding multiple emotions at the same time - even if they seem competing emotions
- the 3 types are all in a multidimensional space
- communicate about ourselves, about the relationship, and about what we want
- emotion comes from the relationship we have with ourselves and others
- communication is like an orchestra, and certain aspects of it play louder
- cognitive dissonance - when evidence goes against what we believe about ourselves
- confirmation bias - sort out information that doesn't vibe with who we think we are
- when social media feeds our biases
- learning about the full humanity of people, and seeing their values, beliefs, history, and let go of the data to reduce polarization
- people agree a lot more than we think
- when we can listen deeply in some contexts but not others
- teach people how to be curious and ask deep, profound questions
- political system is based on making arguments, not on asking questions
- how much our childhood plays a role in our communication skills
- how story-telling about what people say or don't say interferes with our relationships
- emotional expression in professional settings is not fully expressed
- if a lot of books have been written on listening, why do we still not listen well
- we fail to practice listening to the emotional and social aspects of conversation
- stereotype threat - prime yourself on your multi-dimensional roles to overcome the threat
- being a good talker doesn't make you a good leader
- the training and book doesn't do anything for you
Resources:
- Supercommunicators, by Charles Duhigg
- Friedemann Schulz von Thun, German Psychologist
- Nancy Kline's deep listening
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