S04E08 Incongruence and The Smush (with Lucy Chambers)

💡 SPOTLIGHTED BOOK : Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak
📚 GUEST READER : Lucy Chambers

💬 CONVERSATION HIGHLIGHTS:

• when managing 2 opposing views together ( a Taoist Nun and a Dominatrix)
• power is connected to our attention and where we direct it
• Dominant Position - attention out
• Submissive Position - attention in
• Link to coaching and coaches not setting the agenda
• power is about influence and nothing else
• both types of attention have value
• "The SMUSH" - when we flip flop between the two states of attention, or we have a foot in each state
• Incongruence occurs when our words don't match our energy - when we soften our words based on society's expectations on us
• People can smell intention - our animal body speaks more than we know/believe
• Manipulation - women get seen as this more often than men. Women fall into this SMUSH more often than men.
• Learning to ask from a place of grounded legitimacy. 
• Socialized that asking correlates with weakness
• We can't have an impact and play big if we aren't willing to ask for what we want/need
• "I am not having a conversation with _____________ about ___________."
• Asking exposes our edges.
• Connecting our requests to our universal human needs.
• Asking creates an opportunity for others and gives them a new role in their life
• Be as specific as you can when making requests. 
• The half ask is the SMUSH. 
• Wanting people to read our minds doesn't work. 
• We have a poor vocabulary for how we feel.
• Ideas need to be nourished.
• Allowing our asks to delight other people as they fulfill them. 
• When our asks create a WIN-WIN. 
• Asking takes vulnerability
• The toxic side of the independent woman - we don't have to do it all alone, and we are biologically leaned to connect with others.
• We don't create power siting alone in a room, but through connecting with others.
• Spend time taking things in and putting things out in the world.

📚 OTHER BOOKS/RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Imogen Roy 
• Playing Big by Tara Mohr
• The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer
• Video Series : The Basics of Non-Violent Communication with Marshall Rosenberg 
• Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara
• How to Start a Mistress Group Workbook

ℹ GUEST BIO AND LINKS: 

Lucy Chambers is an anti-overwhelm coach and facilitator working on breaking old, broken patterns to create space for new great things. You can find and follow her at: https://facilitationmindset.substack.com/

https://www.facilitationmindset.com/

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